MAKE YOUR OWN PASSPORT  12:10 pm March 22, 2011

Innovative New Tenth Amendment Idea: U.S. Citizens Don’t Exist

by Jack Stuef

But, Arizona state senate president guy, how are we supposed to distinguish ourselves from the brown hordes? Are you saying they have the same status as white “Americans”?

PEARCE: U.S. history, most of us weren’t around when the Constitution was written. But you remember we kind of existed before Congress, the states. We created the Congress, we created the federal government, by compact. Do you know what existed before the Congress, the states? Do you know, you’re not a citizen of the United States. You’re a citizen of a sovereign state. The fifty sovereign states makes up United States of America, we’re citizens of those sovereign states. It is not a delegated authority. It’s an inherent authority that states have over the federal government. [applause] It’s about time somebody gets it right!

Yeah, that’s not what the Constitution says. It explicitly says you’re a citizen of the United States. But it’s pretty cool this important Arizona man can imagine life without a United States! [Applause] What if Arizona was run by dolphins? What if Applebee’s didn’t exist? INTERESTING THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS. [Think Progress]

 
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{ 115 comments }

HalluxValgus March 22, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I like how he says "most of us" weren't around when the constitution was written, 230 odd years ago. MOST. Is there anything Oil of Olay can't preserve?

Gratuitous World March 22, 2011 at 12:21 pm

if fairness, I believe the median age in AZ is 147.

MildMidwesterner March 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

With any luck, "most of us" will ignore this asshat.

user-of-owls March 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Hellooooo? John McCain. Duh.

Serolf_Divad March 22, 2011 at 1:34 pm

No doubt he's thinking of the Wandering Jew when he says that.

DashboardBuddha March 22, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Oil of Olay has the restorative powers that only the clarified oil of virgins and baby's tears can provide.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Pearce. The poster child for prophylactics.

nounverb911 March 22, 2011 at 12:22 pm

"most of us weren’t around when the Constitution was written. "
McCain was!

johnnymeatworth March 22, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Shit, he was already old….

Mahousu March 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

He had already crashed two planes by then.

How he managed this, before the Wright brothers were even born, nobody knows.

widestanceroman March 22, 2011 at 1:47 pm

I'm certain Jan Brewer was there, too.

V5¹6℠56³94 March 22, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Let's get rid of 'em! Scalian originalism FTW!

Gratuitous World March 22, 2011 at 12:22 pm

in the beginning…god created grandstanding asshats.

EatsBabyDingos March 22, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I'd beat him with a cane if I was able.

jqheywood March 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Very nice, very nice.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Once again, a Republican mixes up the Articles of Confederation with the Constitution. Let's see what that Constitution has to say about his "sovereign state":

This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding.

mumbly_ジョジョ March 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Well, sure, it says that in words, but the Constitution isn't for reading, it's for waving around and alluding to without elaboration in speeches to explain why people who disagree with you or do things you don't like are evil. You know, like the Bible.

hagajim March 22, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Jesus…you have to cite the Constitution? Really? Do you think any of these dipshits even read it….seems to me they just make shit up and call it part of the Constitution….I wish they would read your post…

BarryOPotter March 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Even if they read it, what are the odds they actually understand the thing deeply enough to coherently opine on its contents? Trick question! Can't divide by 0!

tessiee March 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"Jesus…you have to cite the Constitution? Really? Do you think any of these dipshits even read it…."

I'd be amazed if they could even pronounce it.

emmelemm March 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Seriously, I'm starting to believe that there's not a single Republican politician who actually even knows how to read.

DahBoner March 22, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I see your point.

When the Constitution was written, Moses was still riding camels around Arizona…

kingofmeh March 24, 2011 at 8:53 pm

more to the point: "The Congress shall have Power . . . To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization . . . ." U.S. Constitution, Article I, Section 8.

Naturalization would there mean "citizenship and how people become citizens." And the part about it being "uniform" sure seems to mean "not having 13 (or 50) other schemes of naturalization."

nounverb911 March 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm

"Do you know what existed before the Congress, the states?"
The 13 colonies and a bunch of people in red jackets?

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Hitler?

Oh sorry — wrong meme.

undeterredbyreality March 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

The Second Reich?

OC_xenon-133_Serf March 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm

…I'll bite…let's see: over 400 sovereign peoples spread across North America with hundreds of languages and customs that were passed down for hundreds of generations?

nounverb911 March 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Neither is Texas.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Pearce: A degenerative disease first attacking the knowledge centers of the human brain. It causes the victim to spew vile and hateful things. It forces the victim to become Haley Barbour and Ronald Reagan in shape and neuro functioning.

The outcome: Certain death after years and years of deterioration, causing nauseating pain to society and and economical burden of trillions as the disease is contagious to weak minded chaps.

walstib March 22, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Sweet!

Those fatties with Ohio plates that fucked up my commute are DEAD.

Once I catch 'em and prove they're here in GA illegally, new law says I can shoot 'em if I'm afeard for my life so…

This also applies to all those Alabama and SC assholes I see on 85 everyday.

BlueStateLibel March 22, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Redstaters really just beggin' for another Sherman's March lately, aren't they? Here's your "state's rights."

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Robert E. "Virginian first, American second or never" Lee approves.

V5¹6℠56³94 March 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

You mean America's Greatest Traitor™?

In fairness to Lee the Constitution had only been in effect for 87 years when the Civil War started — still under warranty, in effect. Plus, if the traitors lost, no more slaves, which would've been extremely inconvenient.

Callyson March 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm

"Do you know, you’re not a citizen of the United States."
Perhaps this is the first step, and next Pearce will move to have Arizona declared a separate nation. Come to think of it, that works for me…

MarshallBanana March 22, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Oh please please please please.

freakishlywrong March 22, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Are they just doing all this crazy stuff on purpose to get us to pay attention to them? Like squalling, horrible, old, fat babies? They can't really believe all this shit, right?

joobajooba March 22, 2011 at 12:35 pm

He can be president of the Articles of Confederation, if he would like.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Maybe he's pretending the 14th Amendment doesn't exist, because that both contains the citizenship clause and is the one the racist law he's defending violates.

JustPixelz March 22, 2011 at 12:40 pm

"…most of us weren’t around when the Constitution was written…"

That is fundamentally false. The People can amend or rewrite the Constituion at will. The Constitution we have is the one we — we the people — want. That includes all those pesky amendments the TP'ers hate (First, Sixth, 14th, 16th, 17th, 25th … hell, all of them except Second.)

mumbly_ジョジョ March 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Technically, true, but there are intentionally high barriers on the process to ensure that it's not amended frivolously or capriciously or to suit a majoritarian impulse- just as the president may be impeached, but it's clearly not intended to be an easy or common practice.

As far as the Amendment process goes, I'm pretty sure the death of the ERA, which in many ways, heralded the beginning of the right-wing "oppose things that liberals want, for no particular reason beyond the fact that liberals want it" epoch, signaled the end of Constitutional amendments in the modern political era. It just won't happen, so long as trenchant partisanship means roughly 40% the country, and 49% of the Congress, would oppose any particular amendment, simply because it would mean giving the Wrong People something they want. I mean, roughly 30% of people said that the BP oil rig disaster made they bigger fans of deepwater drilling. These are not rational people concerned with with actual policy positions. I honestly doubt the First Amendment would pass if it were up to a vote today, let alone the rest of them.

Jim89048 March 22, 2011 at 9:14 pm

We should just make a wiki of the Constitution, and amend it at will.

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2011 at 12:43 pm

How about just give 'zona back to the Messicans? I'm pretty sure US America can live without Juan McCain and Juanna Brewer (if that's her real name.)

Gopherit, we'll helicopter you out of that place I swear!

BarryOPotter March 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Gopherit, we'll helicopter you out of that place I swear!

…right after you sign this form vowing to pay the cost.

Gopherit March 22, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Forget me. Save yourselves.

Gopherit March 22, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Russell Pearce is just trying to make an enclave for the gun-toting white supremacists who quaintly call themselves the Tea Party. Brewer is such an intellectual vacuum that she's totally out of her depth when dealing with this guy. Fuck the supremacy clause argument. It happens to be true, but they'll never listen. You guys should just build a border fence around us, and let us become the newest narcostate.

JoeBiteme March 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Once again, she was a tragically poor County Supervisor, what the FUCK would make anyone think she'd be a good Secretary of State/Governor? Moving forward, we should really look into electing our Governors…

PabaBritannica March 22, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I think you should have to immigrate between sovreign states. Make sure that we know whether or not every single person coming across a border is illegal. You know some state like Vermont might be just running them into the country to have abortions.

Ha, won't that be fun for Virginia/DC/Maryland.

horsedreamer_1 March 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I don't care about Applebee's. As long as we still have T.G.I. Friday's & its location by the Bernabeu in Madrid, so that I can still get dedos de pollo as needed, we'll be fine.

This is not a threat, though.

Hatrabbit March 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Oh Arizona, you and your sunburned, dusty, dolphins.

Sophist [DDS,DD,DFH] March 22, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I think it's alluded to by the "cruel and unusual punishment" clause.

ttommyunger March 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

The scary thing to me is the fact that this bloviating asshat is getting applause instead of cackles, which is just what he'd get from me.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

I would give him a wedgie

Gopherit March 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

You see this man? All he has to do is lean over and he gives himself a wedgie.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

He shouldn't bend over in polite company. His great divide might show.

ttommyunger March 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Some skidmarks might come off on you. You know these mamma's boys never learned to wash their asses.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Good point, Tommy. I'll have to get a HazMat suit on. Thanks for the safety tip.

BarryOPotter March 22, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Remember, Safety First, or, uh, it won't fire…

ttommyunger March 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Glad to be of service.

Gopherit March 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

One other thing, Jack. If Appleby's didn't exist, neither would about 80 lbs of Russell Pearce's flabby ass.

horsedreamer_1 March 22, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Strikes me as more a Chili's man. For irony.

Ducksworthy March 22, 2011 at 12:54 pm

You know what the most disturbing part about this was? This [applause].

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I wanna be a citizen of the COUNTRY of Africa. That's where Sarah the Palin is from.

hagajim March 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I thought she was from cuntberia

mumbly_ジョジョ March 22, 2011 at 1:54 pm

No, not the Country of Africa. Lou Sarah is from the CUNTRY of Africa.

arihaya March 22, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Sell them back to the Mexicans,,,

nah,, just pay the Mexicans to take them….

Serolf_Divad March 22, 2011 at 1:32 pm

You have any idea how much that woudl cost? You want to bankrupt Uncle Sam?

hagajim March 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

most of us weren’t around when the Constitution was written

WTF? I'd like to meet the old fucker that was around when it was written….I imagine that most of us weren't around the last time the thing was amended much less written. What a complete moran!

Oh and one other small point…when the fucking Constitution was written the state of Arizona belonged to fucking Mexico (or Spain) – so eat that shithead!

XOhioan March 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

As a citizen of the sovereign nation of Illinois, I demand that we enforce a no-fly zone over Arizona.

Ducksworthy March 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Oh Oh With Cruise Missiles Please?

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I would say we should create one over Mississippi, only nobody would a) care or b) know the difference.

MegPasadena March 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

So if you moved from one state to another, did you commit treason?
Should you be loyal to the old or the new state?

OC_xenon-133_Serf March 22, 2011 at 1:10 pm

By 'Constitution' in AZ, they mean "Old Testament"

chascates March 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm

What if we exchanged politicians with Berserkistan?

philpjfry March 24, 2011 at 9:55 am

What makes you think we haven't?

user-of-owls March 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm

And that's just because it took 7 years to bring news of the Articles back to the home states and return to Philadelphia in order to scrap them.

Guppy06 March 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

He wants to ignore the Fourteenth Amendment (ratified before Arizona statehood), fine. He wants to ignore what being a "territory" meant after the the Northwest Ordinances, that's OK too.

But my takeaway from this is that this man is not a citizen of the United States, nor is anybody else in Arizona.

The simple solution is to deport the motherfuckers. And since they're so keen on eighteenth century politics, we should return this little bit of Nuevo Espana to Juan Carlos I.

qwerty42 March 22, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Maybe this Arizona state senate president guy is really a subject of the King of Spain. Or the Apaches or Navajos?

Ms Kami Quasimodo March 28, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Yup. The Apaches & Navajos believe we are all illegal immigrants, intruders, don't belong here, &c &c &c and are highly amused at white European immigrant offendedness and indignation at the browns.

__kth__ March 22, 2011 at 1:24 pm

No, he's right: AZ plz secede now, and don't let the door hit you on the way out of my country.

MiniMencken March 22, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I bet when LBJ was President, a Jan Brewer would have gotten a telephone call from the White House to tell her that every last cent of Federal money originally headed for Arizona was going to have to be diverted to an important project elsewhere. And that Arizona was going to be an official nuclear waste dump site. And maintenance of Interstate 10 was going to be a state-funded project. No Colorado River water from Lake Powell either. About fifteen minutes later, Brewer would remember her Constitutional law class and this idiocy would be over.

glamourdammerung March 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I am baffled as to why no one is doing just this.

KenLayIsAlive March 22, 2011 at 10:19 pm

You could fit the entire caucus of senate democrats in his left nut, that's why.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner March 23, 2011 at 8:29 am

LBJ was the last D president with any balls. And he's been dead 40 years.

*Clinton had a dick, certainly. But no balls.

jqheywood March 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm

There can be only one!

trampndirtdown March 22, 2011 at 8:44 pm

No unfortunately they made a sequel.

atlasspanked March 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Obviously AZ Senator Pearce (DB) has it totally wrong. The states are just jackbooted government dictators who have no constitutional authority. County sheriffs are the ultimate legal government. Hasn't he read his Silver Shirts manifesto?

Come here a minute March 22, 2011 at 2:02 pm

U.S. history, most wingnuts weren’t paying attention when the Constitution was taught.

Dudleydidwrong March 22, 2011 at 10:31 pm

As a retired history teacher I can attest that the most conservative students came to the course with preconceptions that couldn't even be discussed, let alone changed with hot pokers. Forget the use of precedent and logic. "God (or daddy) said it, I believe it, that settles it." Man, what a struggle.

DaRooster March 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm

… and making them sick, to death.

luke_warm March 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm

So whatever comes earlier has inherent authority over any form of government developed afterward. Got it. You might think this makes us all British citizens, or that this means we're living in a feudal system, but fuck that. Temporary fission-fusion herds roaming Africa have inherent authority over all governmental structure.

XOhioan March 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I have to check with my clan chieftain on that.

fartknocker March 22, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Arizona needs a dang fence around it. Russell Pearce needs to shut his piehole since he's nothing but a racist asshat.

emmelemm March 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Ha ha, you're so funny.

PS What's high school? Home skul or GTFO!

Redhead March 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm

it's sumthin for dem elitists, to drive to in their volvos. bet they serve arugula during lunch too, 'steada whiskey like good god fearin' folks.

glamourdammerung March 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Leave it to a guy that goes to Nazi rallies to show us such love of America.

Note: Nazi rallies like "people dressed in Nazi uniforms with Nazi flags", not "stuff teabaggers dislike".

Tommmcatt March 22, 2011 at 2:37 pm

While we're having thought experiments, can we do one where I still look good in a Speedo and live in the Philippines with my manservant Kato and twin poolboys Virgillio and Romel?

Oh, wait, I just did. Carry on.

DownFist Troll March 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Just secede and get done with it for Christ's sake!

OvertonWindolt March 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

We motherfucker? Arizona didn't even become an officially recognized state of dust and decapitations until 1912.

"We" created Congress. Go fuck yourself. You are 230 years late.

BarackMyWorld March 22, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Let the throat punching commence. Pearce, you're first.

PresBeeblebrox March 22, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Oh, these guys. They're the same ones who say that anything that arrives with your name written in ALL CAPS is invalid because that implies you are a US citizen rather than a sovereign citizen, and also that anything that occurs in a room with a gold-fringed flag is illegal and unlawful because that means it's a court of admiralty which only has jurisdiction over the high seas.

Seriously, I cannot make this shit up.

Jim89048 March 22, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Yes, the Patriot Movement. They don't need to register their cars or get a license because they're not engaged in commerce, and all money owed to them (especially by the gummint) must be paid in gold or silver. Brilliant!

KenLayIsAlive March 22, 2011 at 10:23 pm

anything that occurs in a room with a gold-fringed flag is illegal simply because it is soooo tacky.

Redhead March 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

"PEARCE: U.S. history, most of us weren’t around when the Constitution was written."

Speak for yourself! (Also isn't Arizona one of those weird states that's technically not a state but a republic?)

CookieGuggleman March 22, 2011 at 7:14 pm

You are a child of the universe….

trampndirtdown March 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Yoohoo Mr. Dipshit Pearce, google sovereign citizens arrested in Alaskan plot.

metamarcisf March 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Russell Pearce, the 2nd most hated man in the Grand Canyon State, next to the owner of the Football Cardinals, Bill Bidwell.

yyyaz March 22, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Edward Abbey hit the batshit right out of the belfry when he observed that we (Arizonans) have the worst legislature money can buy. That was 30 years ago, and the trend continues. Dog fuck us, one and all.

KenLayIsAlive March 22, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Yes. And what's too bad is that those factories that helped us win the last one are long gone.

So unless we plan to take on the neo-confederacy with our advantage in hedgefund managers and h&r block employees, we'd better think of something. And quick.

DashboardBuddha March 23, 2011 at 7:43 am

"we'd better think of something. And quick. "

Oh, Canada….

DahBoner March 22, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Most of us weren't around when the Bible was written. It was written by Jews to tell a bunch of other Jews what to do. About time somebody got it right…

Lost_Teabaggers March 23, 2011 at 3:57 am

What a fucking dumbass….god, have ANY of these assholes taken US history or read the Constitution? The Supremacy clause exists which gives any law enacted by the Government authority over any controverting law passed by the states. It's like these people pretend half the enumerated powers don't exist, either. Congress has the enumerated right to lay and collect taxes and the Federal Government has supremacy over state law. Article IV was created with the intent of purposefully making states weak compared to the federal government…it's why we're a united Republic-Democracy thing and not fuedalist. Even a child knows this….alright that's it, I'm going to bed…enough of this stupidity for one day.

ThundercatHo March 23, 2011 at 7:09 am

I want to make a fortune selling tinfoil lined sunhats in AZ. Also, the secret recipe for Arnold Palmers.

ddanaan March 23, 2011 at 11:17 am

It's time to cut off Arizona's water and see how long they can go it alone.

tessiee March 23, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Given which side has all the guns, I sure hope not.

MinAgain March 23, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Arizona is run by dolphins…giant radioactive desert dolphins who eat lizards and breathe sand.

It explains so much.

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