NEW RESTAURANTS  1:31 pm March 22, 2011

And So Continues the Ironic Consumption of Pig

by Arielle Fleisher

With all the economic unpleasantness and the wars and the fact that our quinoa habit is slowly starving South Americans, here’s something to take comfort in: a new spot for the disposing of income, Standard. It’s a food truck without wheels where you’re charged sales tax on your bill — this is also known as a restaurant. And yet it has everything this city loves: a New York equivalent, beer served by the liter, pork, and a large outdoor patio. Why else would Washingtonians be so eager to eat and drink at a restaurant that resembles a prison yard?

it is what you think it isFor some time now, Washingtonians have had to travel to the carnival wonder that is H Street Northeast to satisfy their desire to drink liters of beer outdoors. And who doesn’t have such desires? But now the Northwest quadrant has its very own German-style beer garden complete with picnic tables and patio heaters …. although it’s less “German beer garden” and more what you’d expect to find in the backyard of a Columbia Height row house in mid-June.

war on vegetablesHere’s a fun fact: Did you know that you can have vegetarian items on your menu — like grilled portobello mushrooms, or a veggie burger — and still serve meat? Did you know that even carnivores sometimes like vegetables? It’s true! And that by serving vegetarian foods as well as meat items, you expand your customer base, which is better for business. If a grilled cheese sandwich costs as much as a pulled pork sandwich does, both of which cost less on day one, Standard sure seems to get this on some level.

Things that are standard, are, by definition, tolerable, average and unexceptional. And Standard lacks the dim lighting, mason jars and all other things that make dining in D.C. a pleasantly pretentious activity. How can we be expected to dine somewhere that’s just so … Standard?

All this said, Standard is a slightly different place where you and your friends can ironically eat pig and drink beer in the sun while discussing interesting things. And, when it comes down to it, other than the fact that the area could use some traditional “large plates” restaurants — places that serve vegetables that aren’t smothered in bacon grease — and maybe another supermarket, there’s nothing wrong with that. At least it’s not another furniture store.

Standard, 1801 14th Street, NW, Washington, DC 20009.

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OC_xenon-133_Serf March 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Pork and beer…so Obama brought most of Chicago with him to DC.

nounverb911 March 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm

But he sent Rahm back to Chicago. (Insert kosher joke here)

Gopherit March 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I only eat pork to keep the muslin cannibals away.

qwerty42 March 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Those are … onion rings…? oh dear.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 1:46 pm

My arteries are clogging just looking at that.

V5¹6ª℠5½6³9•4° March 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Mmm…food on paper outdoors in the chilly weather. How good can it get? Those pictures demonstrate that the food photogs in the foodie mags do have some skill. One technique they use, for instance, is to microwave a wet tampon and put it under the food so it "steams" for the picture. Appetizing, no?

CookiE_MonstA March 22, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Food that is photographed is ever after unfit for consumption.

Cicada March 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm

My consumption of pig has never been ironic. It's fucking delicious.

V5¹6ª℠5½6³9•4° March 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I see our serial down-fister's at work again. Do me, do me hard, man!

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I just did ya. Did you enjoy it?

V5¹6ª℠5½6³9•4° March 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Unghg, unghgh, unghga….

Lascauxcaveman March 22, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Those liter-sized Hofbräuhaus mugs are a nice touch. I remember suchlike items being handy in a bar fight, once long ago in my primitive past.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I have a pork necklace, it is fabulous. You string delicious pulled pork, cubed pork, ham, between clusters of pork loin chops. It is stunning AND edible. There is enough pork on a string to keep my appetite satisfied for a solid week. BONUS it works like garlic on a vampire and keeps the muzlins away.

freakishlywrong March 22, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Downfisty downfisting a fucking pork n' beer review? Weak.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Maybe he's angry that Ms. Fliesher doesn't keep kosher? Or is just an obsessive stalkery asshat.

Troubledog March 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Even the stuff I fish out of their dumpster is top notch.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Does anyone else adore a pork fat and Grey Goose Martini? So good. You can feel your organs shutting down individually. Delish. A must at your next partay.

V5¹6ª℠5½6³9•4° March 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Doesn't the fat separate, congeal and float on top? We need recipes here!

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Fill a Martini glass to the rim with Grey Goose.

Chug it.

Refill the glass to approximately half filled top with rendered warm pig fat. Close eyes. Hold nose and chug. Collapse on the linoleum floor and wait for ambulance.

Your friends will love it.

LabRodent March 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Fresh home made Pork Rinds. Man I miss home.
Louisiana! Like you didn't know.

MildMidwesterner March 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Does anyone else get the feeling that Arielle is only pleased with restaurants that don't have gimmick?

Hey Arielle, quit eating in America. Oh, and try the fish dishes at Montmartre. They're delicious.

mumbly_ジョジョ March 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Wells, the bratz with saurkraut is a nice effort, but what the eff is up with DC's fixation with pulled pork? I mean, we have the occasional place that serves it too, but they're usually going for a "southern barbeque" angle, not a "German Biergarten" or "just regular bar food" thing. But I guess that's because we New Yawkers also have a thing for "authenticity".

Also, just to be a bit more pedantic, Bohemian Hall is actually the one beer garden in NYC (of like a half-dozen) that's not technically German, but Czech nothatitreallymakesanydifferenceinpractical terms.

CBH77 March 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

So pulled pork is only "authentic" if it's served in a restaurant devoted entirely to the "southern barbecue" angle.

Got it.

CBH77 March 22, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Standard isn't supposed to be an "authentic Biergarten"…it makes that clear on its own web site.

DC also has a wine bar that serves bahn mi…is your mind blown yet?!?!?!

mumbly_ジョジョ March 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Right, the general thrust of my somewhat-tinged-with-irony hating-on-DC was that up where I live, "authenticity" is our main rubric of pretentiousness, whereas in DC, it is, apparently, pulled pork. And/or mason jars?

Also, seriously, who downfists a food/nightlife sub-blog, at 2PM, on a weekday.

CBH77 March 22, 2011 at 2:22 pm

I am intrigued by the notion that mason jars are a standard of pretentiousness…

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

This is bad news for PoFolks.

Pop_Socket March 22, 2011 at 2:24 pm

If I could get this truck to park next to DC Mac 'n' Cheese, I would be in hog heaven.

horsedreamer_1 March 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I am going to try this out before &/or after my rotisserie baseball draft. I see 16th Street NW on that map cut-away, now all that's left to figure is how close to Mt. Pleasant this is.

Sharkey March 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Perhaps you are joking, but ironically, this in NE, not NW. The wrong map is embedded.

horsedreamer_1 March 22, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Not joking. Just, sometimes, I trust Our Wonkette too much.

But, thanks for the head-up, Sharkey.

mumbly_ジョジョ March 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Wow, someone's really ODing on their haterade, this mid-tuesday afternoon. WHERE ARE THE JEORBS.

CookiE_MonstA March 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Ok, one thing I don't get about the quinoa quandary; Why can't Bolivians still grow some at the original cost? If the price of tomatoes skyrockets, how does this affect the price of the tomatoes I grow in my garden?

fuflans March 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm

yum grilled cheese.

PresBeeblebrox March 22, 2011 at 4:19 pm

You know the world's fucked up when even a food & entertainment column makes me want to slit my wrists. If I can't eat quinoa, I guess it's canned hobo anus soup for me.

finallyhappy March 22, 2011 at 5:34 pm

I used to be able to eat anything. Now I love my onion rings and eating more than one(and certainly not the ones like that picture) mean I am then taking serious acid reflux meds. So I have had onions rings once in the past 3 years. And I am a vegetarian. To make up for that, I am currently testing gelato all around the metro area. Any suggestions will be accepted.

Jim89048 March 22, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I wonder if the pig knows it is being consumed ironically…

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