It’s amazing he lasted this long. He was dead inside years ago.
Veterinary experts performed a necropsy Monday on Berlin zoo’s celebrity polar bear Knut to try to determine why he died suddenly over the weekend.
The four-year-old polar bear died Saturday afternoon in front of visitors, turning around several times and then dropping to the ground, and falling into the water in his enclosure.
Polar bears usually live 15 to 20 years in the wild, and even longer in captivity, and the zoo is hoping the investigation may help clarify what happened.
Global warming, obviously (heroin and syphilis).
And there goes yet another living thing Dick Cheney somehow outlived. [AP]
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Let this be a warning to Will Smith's kids.
Have the Tomahawk missiles started raining down on the Berlin zoo yet?
Your move, Butterstick.
#WINNING
He shouldn't have tried to keep up with Charlie Sheen. You can only maintain that sort of lifestyle if you have TIGER BLOOD.
Is he strong? Listen, Bud!
He's got coke in his Tiger Blood.
Fun Fact: Charlie Sheen was bitten by a radioactive douchebag when he was a teenager.
Actually, Knut died by ODing on the drug commonly known as "Charlie Sheen".
Isn't that when you snort a combination of cocaine and meth cut with silicon etching compound and Keith Moon's ground up femur off the ass of a prostitute who is herself on the back of a larger, sturdier prostitute and then punch the next person you see in the face, just because you can get away with it?
Knut and Paul the Octopus both found dead in the water?
Join the dots, people!!!
~
Just one more bit of evidence of the dangers Dihydrogen Monoxide.
Dihydrogen Monoxide: The refreshing killer.
Are you suggesting that Knut & Paul were both victims of… wet-work?
Hitler's Revenge!
Time to pour out a 40 of baby seal blood for our killing machine homie. Your light burned too bright, Knut.
Are you watching this, Charlie Sheen?
Club sandwiches, not seals.
I like the chocolate-vanilla love-sandwiches in Club.
Needz moar Candle In The Wind.
the important thing is all the money i made off of Knut's world Cup predictions.
Wrong Newt, Mother Nature. Try again.
I regret that I only have one fits etc.
Hitler finally has triumphed over the (Russian) Bear.
In an apparent effort to show support for the state of Israel prior to her visit, Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin shot and killed a German polar bear from a helicopter earlier today.
Follow on Wonkette? I will follow you into suicidal battle Senor!!
Yet the ice Kunt still lives.
I heard they were feeding him currywurst and he committed suicide.
Haha, gross.
Bears! They're godless killing machines!
What? Too soon?
But how could this happen? Isn't Sarah Palin in India?!
Polar bear is born, grows up in the limelight, does drugs in clubs, impregnates baby-momma-bears, and dies in front of gawking crowd.
Cercle de vie, man.
Nice try Bill
Necropsy….are them Germains doing some kind of preverted sexytime stuff with Knut? If so, they have the wrong Newt…he likes golden showers.
Colbert! I knew you were on Wonkette!
What's so irrational about it? Those ursine bastards would just as soon kill ya as look at ya.
Farewell, young one… we hardly Knut you!
If behavioral disorders are among the possible consequences of wild critters made too tame too early, then the most controversial critics of Knut's captivity instead have argued a theory that actually bears out.
Sarah Palin was seen leaving the area in a helicopter.
My gawd, All I can say is that cute young polar bears bring out the stoopid real good. I remember about 10 years ago at the Denver Zoo, there were a pair of young killing machines, Klondike and Snow, who, I dunno, had to be adopted because their ghetto step-dad was abusing them? In any case, they ran that shit on PBS every week for about 8 fucking years. I have never watched PBS again!
You can watch again–they replaced the bears with Dr. Wayne Dyer.
No, first they replaced the bears with Leo Buscaglia, then after he croaked, they picked up this latest schlub.
even worse – Suzzee Ormond ferchrissakes!
Not as bad the mania caused by the introduction of the world to pandas. People fucking lose their minds when Ling-Ling or Ting-Ting is trotted out for the first time.
Ting-Ting sounds like the name of a Thai ladyboy.
I always thought the word for death in German sounds too cute. Tod! Teehee.
Literally nothing good has happened in the world in the last two weeks.
If you're going to hang around here, you're going to have to scale back your definition of "good." Way, way back.
For example, I got up this morning, looked back over the last two weeks, and noted with glee that I had not contracted ebola during that time frame.
See?
That dude who was twice convicted for having sex with the same horse got released. That's not good either,
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/...
Talk about Julep goggles.
At least he's been ordered to stay away from that particular stable. And register as a sex offender. Talk about being involved in animal husbandry!
It's the danger of listening to W.A.S.P.
Tipper Gore tried to warn us. (Also: Lynne Cheney, & whatever is James Baker's wife's name.)
"She feared he had returned because her horse was acting strange and getting infections again."
Oh. My. God.
My back hurts a little less…but yeah, otherwise things have been pretty much sucking ass lately.
Yeah. I got a haircut and don't have ebola. WINNING!
The worst of it is that animal celebrity deaths always come in threes. Watch out, Butterstick!
Although I'm betting that when Dramatic Chipmunk goes, it will be *hilarious*.
Dick Cheney is alive?
Not if you consider being alive = heartbeat
As much as any animatronic killing machine can be, yes.
OMG! SARAH PALIN IS DEAD!! HOLY GOD, WHY?!
Oh, wait. You said "Knut."
Sorry, my dyslexia.
This comment should really receive a +498759834759834759384759834 rating. This could be the funniest comment I've ever read here.
I think the real selling points were "Former Cute" and "Ice Bear," personally. When tied to "kunt" as the operative word, well, the funny just writes itself.
I think of this blog as a written successor to Mystery Science Theater 3000 — but in this version, everyone here gets to play Crow!
deit: you're very kind. thank you!
Zing!
Probably caught some STD from Newt Gingrich.
This is, indeed, a bad day for John McCain.
RIP knut. you were a dog but they fed you bear food & now you dead RIP
in memorium http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vqL7fyI60U
I'm laughing so hard I think I just ruptured by spleen.
Would upfist again.
and the bartender says, "Hey, looks like a penguin blew you"
Pareene saw this coming 4 years ago!
Too much success at an early age and no adult supervision. Just like Dana Plato and Todd Bridges.
Wait, Todd Bridges is stil alive, right? Well, I guess what he's doing not can't really be called "living," so your point stands.
It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon. The Sons of Knut Temple has been flying its flag at half-mast, and down at the Chatterbox Cafe, nobody wants to try the sushi.
Upfist for first ever chatter box cafe ref on the Wonkerettei
"turning around several times and then dropping to the ground"
I gave it a 8.9 for difficulty but a dead on 10 for execution!!!
Blood Libel
Only the good Newts die young.
First it was Paul the Octopus. Now it is Knut the Polar Bear. What fresh Hell will tomorrow bring? Willi the Wiggle Worm?
I think that Snuggle Fabric Softener Bear's numbers up.
good riddance.
They certainly were back in the 30's/40's when they were putting together their human zoos. Or maybe all of my relatives who decided to stay in Poland just weren't made of sturdy enough stock . . .
Nice! You see what he did, there, students?
Yo, Knut, Imma let you finish, but Paul the Octopus had the best celebrity animal death ever!
What is a Knut?
They're making lamp shades out of him.
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