heads and minds

Wasilla Soldier Who Murdered Afghans For Fun Also Posed With Their Heads

You don't get to do this in the video games!
Another proud product of Wasilla, Alaska, Army Specialist Jeremy Morlock has plead guilty to three counts of murder for killing Afghan civilians to pass the time when he wasn’t killing the other kind of Afghans. But that’s not all! Some of Morlock’s comrades have also been charged with following his lead to murder these people, and doing so while on drugs. Usually, this would be just another “unfortunate murders in a murder zone of important murders” story, and everyone’s eyes would glaze over, but now there are pixxx.

Specialist Jeremy Morlock and Private Andrew Holmes are shown holding up the head of a man identified by Germany’s Der Spiegel newspaper as Gul Mudin, an unarmed Afghan they are accused of killing on January 15, 2010.

Whoops! The Army has apologized, though, so everything should be okay.

Many organisations with foreign staff, including the United Nations, ordered a “lockdown” on Sunday night and told employees to stay in their compounds, anticipating violent protests in response to the release, the Guardian newspaper reported.

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We can be proud that the recent high-school grads we arm with expensive weapons, ship off to a foreign land for the first time in their lives, and tell to exhibit the best ethics in determining which brown people they’re allowed to kill are just mature enough that the photos they take posing with the heads of people they murdered are not also sexts of themselves. This Wasilla gentleman kept it in his pants. [Al Jazeera/Reddit]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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191 comments

  1. forgracie

    What exactly is the per capita moran export of Wasilla? It seems statistically impossible to have so much societal flotsam and jetsam from one small meth infested town.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Plus, his name is 'Morlock' — it's like they aren't even trying to make us not detest them.

    2. marinmaven

      I might be willing to wager that there is a correlation if not a causal link between "meth infested" and "moranic" poor choices. Meth exposure is all about poor choices.

    3. riverside68

      Are we are now dealing with the boys who hit puberty when snow grifter was mayor?

      You try spending six months of the year in the dark with Palin as your authority figure.

    1. DaRooster

      I am sure that guy just misunderstood when he was told, "We are here to protect you from danger and usher in freedom and peace to the region."
      Because everyone in the real world knows that is how we roll.

      1. arihaya

        "We are here to protect you from danger and usher in freedom and peace to the region."

        …… by sending you to heaven and then pose with your corpse

    2. sezme

      I wonder if Gul Mudin's head appreciates its newfound freedom. Edit: oh, I just noticed that the head he posed with wasn't actually severed. So Morlock obviously needs some remedial lessons in the war crime atrocity department.

      1. GOPCrusher

        The sick part of this whole thing, is they use the justification of "Well, the Muslims behead their enemies." to commit their war crimes.
        They should just come right out and say "Fuck em. They're brown and deserve to die." because that's what they really mean.

    3. 教授 Zoom

      Also, to suggest that they hate us for anything we do is, in itself, evidence of an irrational hatred of America.

      EDIT: "The highest treason in the USA is to say Americans are not loved, no matter where they are, no matter what they are doing there."
      –Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without A Country

    4. Naked_Bunny

      Those Afghans were freed from the tyranny of having to metabolize day in and day out just to survive!

    5. James Michael Curley

      The simple stupidity of Bush and his 'base' always amazed me. It 'they hate us for our fredom' why in hell did he spend eight years and a Trillion and a half dollars trying to give them freedom?

  2. LetUsBray

    It's time to admit that the pooch has been screwed repeatedly in Afghanistan and that it's time to get the fuck out, if not five or six years ago, then at least yesterday.

    1. freakishlywrong

      But then we would look weak, we'd "lose". Conservatives would be braying, (sorry), that Obamer is soft of terror. "Dithering", "mau mau revolutions", "a Muslin" Y'know, we can write this shit ourselves it's so predictable.

      1. DaRooster

        "…Y'know, we can write this shit ourselves it's so predictable…"

        Or we can shit ourselves 'cuz its so predictable, right?

      2. V5¹6℠56³94

        He's already 1.5 unemployment points away from a one-term presidency, so how about doing the right thing?

    2. GeorgiaBurning

      I agree. Afghanistan is a bracket buster in any invasion pool. The Mongols got past them, but they took out the Persians, the Brits, and the Russians in previous years. The US has problems with the smaller game Afghans play but our coaches are still in love with using big forwards and a slow back court.

    1. sati_demise

      too bad they all suck .
      If you dont have a good story line in the first reality show, all the spinoffs are going to blow, too.

  3. walstib

    What did little old Wasilla ever do to you, Jack??

    Well?

    Oh wait, forgot the Harpy…

    Carry on…

  4. GregComlish

    "He kept it in his pants"

    ?

    Really? Maybe in this particular frame. It looks me to like his free hand was well on his way to his balls. He was probably going for the classic "tea-bag the Muslin corpse" photo gag.

    1. zhubajie

      In all seriousness, they probably don't keep in it their pants before they meet the females. :-(

    1. GhostBuggy

      This is what the surface-dwelling liberal elites always feared! With their limousines, lattes and skant clothing!

  5. OkieDokieDog

    I eagerly await Diane Sawyer's breathy retelling (with frowny face) of this grisley murder on tonight's evening news.

    What? It won't get mentioned?

    1. Oblios_Cap

      Maybe on CBS, who made a piece on the Triangle Shirt Factory fire yesterday into a puff piece about how the poor owners' of the company suffered even worse than the unfortunate workers.

      I'm sure Mr. Morlock will be potrayed as the victim here.

  6. arihaya

    is Wasilla some sort of secret Nuclear testing location?

    the populations seem to be heavily irradiated. ..

    1. Swampgas_Man

      So, can we expect some REALLY freaky shit from Tokyo in about ten-15 years? Like, Miike freaky?

  7. SorosBot

    Oh, and welcome back, Jack. I see you've decided to bring on the Ken-style cheer and optimism. (Did the radiation give you superpowers?)

    1. Zvi_Bleindmeis

      Yes, welcome back, Jack.

      Maybe the average Japanese citizen is taller these days, but a few decade ago, to be a gringo pedestrian in Tokyo meant walking among a million umbrella-spines right at eye level.

  8. 4TheTurnstiles

    Touchdown, Taxidermy Tech!

    anyone with a Great White Hunter in the family knows this shit-eating "I done shot me somethin!" grin. That Afghan dude's antlers are mounted on the wall of one trailer or another…

    1. Pithaughn

      trailer? You should see the dead animals on display in the typical "Mountain Lodge" in Telluride, Aspen, Vail etc. These are just the grunts on the ground. The reason this happens is the elites in this country are totally on board with such behavior. They like to see shit like this.

  9. undeterredbyreality

    Where's the video of Sarah Palin pardoning another Afghan while Morlock puts this one in a meat grinder?

  10. user-of-owls

    I was perfectly willing to accept this so-called "atrocity" or "war crime" as simply another unfortunate example of "boys being boys."

    But then I noticed that they had carved a Zorro "Z" on the corpse's back and, well, that's just not cricket.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      In fairness, I'm wondering if he was a maniac before he was deployed, or just another uneducated kid from small town America.

  11. AutomaticPilot

    Wasilla should be quarantined until further notice. You should be able to check in, but never leave.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      I was watching the Alaske "COPS" show and the lawmen were commenting on how all the scum from Anchorage tends to end up in Wasilla.

  12. prommie

    Afghanistan is such a clusterfuck, even our rebellious puppet there sucks. Hamid Karzai, in 9 years, still has yet to extend the authority of his regime beyond the borders of Kabul. Thats in 9 years. Shouldn't we call him "mayor" rather than "President?"

    1. Pithaughn

      You realize he is a former employee of the Bush family right? He is just a meat puppet as our former president that started that war.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        He's also the winner of the greatest CIA lottery ever held, which he won only becasue the other guys were all either the wrong ethnic group (non-Pashtun) or conveniently got killed too soon.

  13. Dudleydidwrong

    Wasilla's DQ (Dink Quotient) is exceedingly high. Must be in the water. Or meth. I assume that the Wasilla school system sent this young man off to war with a grand ceremony of pride and patriotism. Now I wonder if they'll send a delegation to Leavenworth to welcome him back. Does that key to the city work any other locks?

  14. Chillwaver

    And this has absolutely no effect on the proliferation of Al Qaeda. That's why we must investigate homegrown Muslin Terrist first.

  15. DaRooster

    Yeah, but I can't own a gun for my own protection due to some stupid shit from over 25 years ago… gotta do it with a bow I suppose.

    Dick-heads!

  16. ManchuCandidate

    When Joker ("Full Metal Jacket") said he wanted to be the first on his block to get a confirmed kill, he was taking in that dark humor of soldiers, or in that case, Marines.

    He didn't mean literally.

  17. ウイジャ盤

    Jack, iffin' yer still in Japan you better get some of those masks as the winds from Glow-in-the-Dark Prefecture, that previously was blowing out to sea, have changed and are now carrying the nasties to the southwest. And the Japanese PM says all is a-okay although they just evacuated workers from Reactor # 3.

    Political smoke & mirrors is fully into globalization.

  18. Fare la Volpe

    Homicidal and drug addicted? Throw in "struggling with sexual identity" and I've probably dated this turd.

    1. tessiee

      If only he were chronically unemployed, he could right this very moment be lying on my couch complaining about how he gets depressed watching me fold laundry.

  19. KathrynSane

    What bothers me most about these kinds of pictures is the fact that the people doing this heinous shit are always smiling. How badly does a society need to fuck up in order to produce so many people who not only torture and kill innocent people, but do it with childlike glee?

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Same here. No snark for this scene. Even just seeing the link-headline I felt a twist in my gut. My earliest-early childhood nightmare that I still recall ended w/ a view of a beheading. A guy hung from his ankles. The head floated away in a river of mud. I had to be 7 or so, not yet into horror flicks; who knows what fed that image into my young subconscience.
      And I'm a relatively tame civilized type as far as mumbetysomethings go.. What in the hell kind of images pass through the minds of those kinked out on corpse-flaying>>flaunting? — I don't dare imagine.

      1. BlueMonkeh

        yeah – more old school than nu skool

        Our school janitor – WWII vet – had pictures of Nazi heads on platters. Scary killing glee's been going on as long as war.

    2. tessiee

      You're probably not old enough to remember news stories about the My Lai massacre during the Vietnam era. Lt. Calley had the same grin. Guys like this are smiling — no, grinning — because they're pleased with themselves and proud of themselves for having snuffed out a "worthless" life.

  20. OC_xenon-133_Serf

    Wasilla Methian for "Gonna get me some head…"

    Fucks are raised on video violence, love of gun and the hate of outsiders…whaddaya expect

  21. horsedreamer_1

    As with Cheddar Bob in Jarhead, Morlock referred to his kill, Mudin, as "A-hab the A-rab". No one had the intelligence heart to tell the soldier that Afghans are not Arabs.

    1. SorosBot

      Well I guess that the noted racist and teabagger novelty singer Ray Stevens should be happy that someone actually remembers his old racist song.

  22. Moonbatting Average

    His name is Morlock, for fuck's sake. Not only is this an assault on humanity and decency, it has set the corpse of irony afire.

  23. El Pinche

    Why can't Americans just kill other foreign people without being posers? Would it hurt to just mindlessly slaughter them and leave their bodies alone..jeez.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Considering that a good number of them consider themselves Crusaders defending Xtianity from the Infidels, then no, no they can't.

  24. tbogg

    So, is his engagement to Bristol still on? Or is it off? Because I was going to shop for their wedding gift this afternoon. Yes, at a head shop.

    Bet you saw that one coming….

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Given her lust for hockey players, that could have been a possibility at one time: Morlock and big brother Track Palin played on the same hockey team for a number of years. One supposes they at least knew each other.

  25. BlueStateLibel

    Wow–this piece of shit combines the best of Wasilla–stupidity, depravity, and more! Any minute I'm expecting Sarah to name him Secretary of State for her future presidential cabinet!

  26. Oblios_Cap

    I thought that the X-Men had taken care of the Morlocks.

    Well done, American Heroes of whom we can speak no ill without feeling the Wrath of the TeaTards. At least you were wearing an American Flag patch to show your patriotism.

  27. Oldskool_

    A good lawyer will tell you this is no worse than drinking vodka shots out of your buddy's ass.

  28. LabRodent

    I hope the dead guy haunts his ass until his therapist says "theres only some much medicine we can give you" .

    1. zhubajie

      I've heard that former Lt. Calley does have nightmares about his massacre. Of course, the people he killed don't get to have nightmares.

  29. El Pinche

    Looks like Petraeus will be getting another honor badge for his fruit salad after he says he's appalled by it, blah blah.

  30. KeepFnThatChicken

    So if you kill three, it's easy to admit guilt?! Then why the FUCK did we pony up 2.3m for Raymond Davis' sorry murdering ass?

  31. freddymcmurray

    So, obviously, as small as Wasilla is, Caribou Lou for sure knows this guy… and probably his whole family. It's almost like photos of Lynndie England in a three-way with the Bush twins. Only hotter. I wonder if Bristol has some party pix with him hidden in her fat rolls somewhere.

  32. nounverb911

    "Another proud product of Wasilla, Alaska, Army Specialist Jeremy Morlock "
    If Morlock had just stayed home and made meth, he'd be in less trouble now.

    1. V5¹6℠56³94

      This is probably gong to hold him back a bit on his ascent from SPEC4 to Chief of Staff, it's true.

    2. Negropolis

      If he did that, he might even be the baby-daddy of one of Palin's daughters. Can you say "jackpot"?

  33. prommie

    He's protectin' our precious freedoms over there, by gosh, the brave troop, he's protecting that so important 2nd amendment freedom of the press that the lamestream liberal media is abusin' by spinnin' and tellin' these lies.

    1. Guppy06

      There's the crux of the problem: We're fighting for the Second Amendment, while the Afghans are more interested in the Third.

  34. PsycWench

    ! The Army has apologized, though, so everything should be okay.
    A real apology or a "I'm sorry if you're upset that we killed some of your civilians" pseudo-apology?

  35. Monsieur_Grumpe

    The act of murdering people is usually looked upon as a sign of evil or instability. Unfortunately war can sometimes blur and confuse this concept. But when you pose with the victim while smiling you’re not only friggin nuts you are stupid.

    1. mumbly_ジョジョ

      Meh, Ilario Pantano did basically that, and he nearly got elected to Congress.

      Also, had a hilariously quasi-fascist banner on his campaign website. "Peace through Strength", indeed.

  36. Gopherit

    Next on Sarah Palin's Alaska: Sarah and the Wasilla hotshots take it on the road to hunt the most dangerous game in a meth-fueled orgy of pain.

    Seriously. taking pictures like hunting trophies? We need some herd-culling.

  37. mrblifil

    There is a lesson to be learned here. It is always OK to kill the brownz, but it is wrong to be photographed laughing about it. Henceforward, killing the brownz should always be carried out in concert with killing whoever the fuck has a camera, or Android fucking phone, or iPad or some such stupid shit. Seriously, a fucking camera pose of this shit? Is our children learning? Have a laugh and photograph each other's nutsacks if you must, but this kind of shit is just an embarrassment to everybody.

    So to recap: Kill the Brownz in my name, if you must, it's what my taxpayer dollars are for, I guess. But show some class, even if your mom couldn't teach it to you.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Oh I don't know. Look at how Lynddie England's career took off after being photographed pointing at a butt pyramid of Muslim prisoners with a Marlboro hanging off her lip.
      And Al Queda grabbed all the WMD's and fled Iraq, after she showed them that America meant business in this War On Terror.

  38. PresBeeblebrox

    The guy's name is MORLOCK? You have to be fucking kidding me.

    PS: I understand neither "Army" nor "girlfriend." Are they saying a) the Army is my girlfriend; b) my girlfriend is in the Army; c) I am in the Army and I have a girlfriend; or d) fnord?

    1. DashboardBuddha

      I think it means, "stop hitting on me, my boyfriend (aka baby daddy) is a soldier".

      Or Fnord.

  39. 教授 Zoom

    "One of the great American tragedies is to have participated in a just war. It's been possible for politicians and movie-makers to encourage us we're always good guys. The Second World War absolutely had to be fought. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. But we never talk about the people we kill. This is never spoken of."

    –Kurt Vonnegut

  40. cheaphits

    "We can be proud that the recent high-school grads we arm with expensive weapons, ship off to a foreign land for the first time in their lives, and tell to exhibit the best ethics in determining which brown people they’re allowed to kill are just mature enough that the photos they take posing with the heads of people they murdered …"

    That right and that's why we should send the people who start the wars to fight them. Do you think G.W. Bush, Dick Chaney or Donnie Rumsfeld would be cutting off people's heads for entertain….oh…uh, well…never mind.

  41. Gunner Asch

    Going against the current usage, but the Ugly American was actually the only good guy in the book.

  42. Gunner Asch

    They used to post guys with just a couple of months left after returning from Vietnam as assistants in Basic Training. We had a couple of guys from the same mortar team busy showing us ears on necklaces as our after-hours "training" in '67.

  43. MinAgain

    I believe this is the point in the horror movie when the menacing disembodied voice says "Get out". Unfortunately, America is the slutty blonde girl in the story, and she is therefore doomed.

    1. LiveToServeYa

      As an aside: I don't think disembodied voices give warning before the mayhem begins, anymore.

  44. dox[acted]

    What always kills me is the pictures: "Oh, hey guys, let's take a photo for posterity. I want to be able to show my grandkids that grampa was a badass motherfucker who'd slit a man's goddamn throat for nothing and rape its corpse. Let's remember this moment forever!"

  45. Steverino247

    This is not a new story. These guys have been in deep shit up at Ft. Lewis, WA since they got back. The local papers (Tacoma News-Tribune, for one–see here: http://www.thenewstribune.com/2011/03/20/1593134/… have been covering the hearings, etc. These assholes will spend the rest of their lives serving very long prison sentences. The only "new" part of this is the fact that the evidence photos were released. Doing that only jeopardizes soldiers who are still there and possibly fucks up the legal proceedings.

    That war does this to humans is, sadly, not news. I once served with a man who, irritated that his wife had no clue what he was doing in Vietnam ("We're on the fucking news! How could she not fucking know?"), sent her a photograph of himself with an NVA soldier he had just killed. I never saw the photo, but I know what the grin looked like.

    1. BlueMonkeh

      maybe…but this stuff is being "done in our name" and transparency and all and….oh jeezus i give up.

  46. Typical_Outlier

    Hey, thanks for demonstrating that narrow-minded, vitriolic generalizations are not entirely dictated by political affiliations. As a staunch liberal, I used to believe I was aligning myself with those who form opinions of others based on merit rather than preconceived ideas about their backgrounds. As a person who was raised in the Wasilla that exists in this universe, as opposed to the backwater meth-saturated hellhole many of you have envisioned, I am thoroughly fucking disappointed to discover exactly how wrong I was. Maybe it's a joke to all of you, but it honestly pains me to realize how easily we can match our most fervent criticisms of those on the right. Seriously, I despise Sarah Palin and her supporters at least as strongly as any of you, but ridiculing people based on where they live is low. If we can't decide to be better examples of reasonable human beings than the people whose behavior we detest, then what are we doing? Maybe my meth-encrusted neural circuitry is too weak to understand why this is acceptable.

  47. comrad_darkness

    That blingee should say:

    Celebratin' our freedum, also

    (I haz too much of a sad for any other commentary.)

  48. ArmoredBore

    I can already hear my brother blubbering about how these kinds of incidents are few and far between. And how it's just us muckrakers who are making it look so bad.

    Now, if you'll all join me in song…

  49. _MISS_T_

    I can't bear to click and look at the pics. But…is the guy in the blingee one alive or dead? His head is still attached right? Right? I feel sick.

    Anyway. Only commenting because I want to make it known that the Morlocks and the Palins are very well acquanted..or rather they're friends (the families, probably less likely Sarah herself, I doubt she has friends). April Morlock, Jeremy's younger sister, is Bristols best friend. And I'm pretty sure that the house dear charming Willow trashed with her friends was a Morlock property. Needless to say things have probably cooled since then…

    Ah, Wasilla. What would we do without ya.

  50. Lascauxcaveman

    His mom weighs in with her views of pre- and post-deployment Young Morlock.

    Sounds like another Valley of Elah moment.

    Moral: Mamas, don't your babies grow up to be soldiers.

  51. fuflans

    actually i don't understand anything about "what part of army girlfriend don't you understand?'

  52. mumbly_ジョジョ

    Actually, Jack, you can do that in video games, as anyone who's played enough Halo is well-aware. You just stand over the body and press "crouch" repeatedly.

  53. PublicLuxury

    More Foreign Policy experience for the Palin. Somehow these stupid fucks are related to Palin. They have to be. That much stupid cannot possibly be flowing from more than one gene pool.

  54. Negropolis

    This is why America can't have nice things, and this is why troops on the ground is absolutely where I draw the line on Libya. You can't trust an American much anywhere, these days, but you most certainly can't on the ground. Once the boots hit the ground, the shit hits the fan.

  55. schvitzatura

    Sounds like Morlock already had multiple TBIs from playing hockey with Track Palin & Friends from high school…also being from some Wasilla shithole, the light and space of Kandahar really put the zap on his head.

    Da Armee:

    "The photos appear in stark contrast to the discipline, professionalism and respect that has characterized our Soldiers' performance during nearly 10 years of sustained operations."

    Can't wait to see the photography from the next 10 years…

  56. Mike Licht

    And this guy is among the Wasilla elite. He's a H.S. grad, and the high school there is considered a "dropout factory." They have a few real factories there — they produce amphetamines.

Comments are closed.