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Idiots Abroad: Palin Freak Show Tours India, Israel

now comes with Real Foreign Policy Experience

  • Good morning, warmongers! Sunday marked eight years of Mission Accomplished in Iraq, and also the beginning of a fun new war in a different oil-rich nation, “Africa,” or something. We have been refreshing our RSS feed every thirty seconds for the last two hours, searching for some cheery news — “Barack Obama wins another Nobel Peace Prize,” etc. — but sorry, there is none! If it makes you feel any better, Sarah Palin and her husband went bra-shopping at Forever 21 during a historic visit to one of New Delhi’s most fanciful strip malls. She also told India that “it is time for a woman to become president.” (Why does Sarah Palin want to be president of India? Also: why is Hillary Clinton saying similar things?) Today Palin is in Jerusalem, courting the Zion Elders. Stories about oil spills and U.S. soldiers posing with murdered Afghan civilians after the jump! [The Caucus]
  • There’s probably another oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico! [WSJ]
  • Here is an informative liveblog, if for some reason you want to stay updated on our latest War. [The Guardian]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Yes and she even greeted them with "Me Sarah, good white Christian woman, how Redskin?" Yes, I can't believe she was allowed to travel…talk about harming our image to the world. Can't we add "irretrievably stupid" to our list of bullshit reasons to be placed on the no-fly list? It may be big government (BAD!) but if it can keep the likes of Palin, Bachmann, Angle, Beck, the Teabaggers et. al. from flying abroad and giving perfectly normal people a good reason to kill Americans, that's protecting national security idn't it?

        1. Negropolis

          Poor Maggie "There is no such thing as society" Thatcher; suffering nearly the same fate that her neo-con president across the pond did.

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Hey now…just because Indira Gandhi utilized the Emergency Laws to cancel Indian democracy for 5 years and won her party a permanent minority (yes, only she could make the name Gandhi unpopular) doesn't mean Sarah Palin is similar, right? I mean…Indira Gandhi at least didn't ask other Indians "where's your feather head dresses and squaws at?" when she was trying to make polite conversation off the plane….

  1. ManchuCandidate

    It might be time for a female preznit, but not a really stupid pinheaded pathetic one like Wasiller Upfister Grifter.

    Somewhere the ghost of Indira Gandhi laughs at her.

      1. WriteyWriterton

        And Thatcher? She's rusted shut.

        (On jury duty today, so I can play during office hours. Yippee!)

  2. EatsBabyDingos

    When Moses was on the mountain, God said Moses could only look at God's unclothed butt. If Moses saw Sarah's unclothed butt, would Moses' eyes melt like the Nazis' eyes in Raiders of the Lost Ark? I hope so!

  3. sezme

    Barack "The Peacemaker" Obama is busy earning that last Nobel Prize, by stone cold dropping more bombs than all the other Peace Prize winners put together.

  4. baconzgood

    "In Alaska We never broke an agreement with Indians EVER in our state's history….they are called eskimos so they are different than you guys. You Betcha"

    (Someone whispering in her ear)

    "WHA?!?!? There is a COUNTRY called India? But I can't see it from my house."

    1. SorosBot

      "did Sarah Palin even know"

      No. If a question begins like this, no matter how it ends, the answer is always no.

  5. DashboardBuddha

    "Officials insist Gaddafi is not a military target"

    (wink wink)

    How do you say "Ooops" in French/German/Italian?

    1. WriteyWriterton

      I initially read that as "Gandalf is not a military target." Same difference.
      Carry on, chaps and chappettes.

    1. FNMA

      You make that sound like a bad thing. If we put Goldman Sachs in charge of…oh…yeah, we're fucked.

    2. Mumbletypeg

      When we're managing k-12 public schools like running a business, …
      When churches' priorities less resemble New Testament and more resemble, business…
      When snake oil marketeers peddle faux remedies like iodide [radiation antidote!]tablets to the panic-prone polloi because there's no business like catastrophe-driven business..

      Yeah. What you said.

      1. Weenus299

        Great edit, Mumbletypeg. I would add that our world's gone to hell, but seems like we're still in it.

    3. Lost_Teabaggers

      Hye now…cheer up ya libtards, it's not like corporations are just sociopathic, profit guzzling, society hollowing-out pieces of paper we decided that for some reason are alive or anything. I mean listen to Glenn Beck and the GOP…private businesses are the sweetest, nicest sociopathic, profit guzzling, society-hollowing out pieces of paper in the world…we're supposed to cheer them on, right?

      Oh you mean that sweet, nice stuff and free trade, laissez faire utopian stuff is just cheap bullshit for sociopathic, selfish assholes to whore for cash? Okay, yeah we're fucked.

  6. undeterredbyreality

    Unified version: AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! Shit is hitting the fan so fast we can't keep up! Here's some links! Also, Yemen.

  7. ThankYouJeebus

    Today on Iron Chef the secret ingredients are irradiated Japanese spinach and pre-oiled Gulf shrimp. Allez Cuisine!

      1. freakishlywrong

        Took for fucking ever. You gotta have at least one "fuck" in your post and stick that landing, girl.

  8. GregComlish

    Sarah made Todd go on her stupid trip with her just so he wouldn't have a chance to bang the massage lady.

      1. GregComlish

        Todd: "You know, I'm 3/8 Innuit myself. Those guys are Indians too."

        Indian Woman: "…"

        Todd: "Guess you could say that makes us cousins."

        Indian Woman: "…"

        Todd: "Back home in Wasilla, a cousin is considered a very intimate family member."

        Indian Woman: "…"

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    “it is time for a woman to become president.”

    Well, the way things are these days, it would be much more appropriate that we elect a good Jewish mother, like Golda Meir, not some dozy cunt.

    1. Negropolis

      Wait, Golda "there was no such thing as a Palestinian before we got here" Meir isn't a dozy cunt, too? Also.

  10. MrsBiggTime

    Worst. Vacation. Ever.
    Those Indians had neither a Fort Wayne nor any casinos, and Israel was full of Jews.

    1. riverside68

      Obviously the fault of the handlers. Someone should have briefed her.

      Why won't they let Sarah be Sarah?

  11. memzilla

    I didn't even know the Koch Bruddahs had subsidiaries in India that needed Palinectificationating.

  12. SorosBot

    Dear India and Israel;

    Please remember that Sarah Palin is a private citizen and that her actions and statements do not reflect the views of the vast majority of United States citizens.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Saw an AP story on Yahoo on her little junket that started "Sarah Palin, a US politician" which caused the comments section to light up pointing out the fact that Bible Spice in no way represents the United States in any official capacity.
      I still would like to see the IRS show up when she comes back to the States with a subpeona to investigate who exactly funded this little trip out of the country. Or does Southwest Airlines have some kind of deal where people with no jobs can fly to India for free?
      Or maybe that's what they meant when they advertised "Bags Fly Free"?

          1. horsedreamer_1

            Iditarod. Followed closely by "I did a Todd, & by did, I mean sex, & by sex, I mean, anal".

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Shit! She's doing an allegedly-adult version of Sesame Street: "This trip is brought to you by the Letter I" When she figures out the remainder of the alphabet, watch out, world.

  13. Pragmatist2

    While in Jerusalem they plan to visit the Waylon Wall and pay tribute to the late Mr. Jennings.

    1. undeterredbyreality

      C'mon…She knows better than that. It's the Whaling Wall, where the Israelites pick up their annual blubber supply.

      Also: Waylon is dead? I haz a sad.

    2. trampndirtdown

      It gets better, she got to the Wailing Wall and said it is so good to touch the cornerstone of our faith. Wait what she's a Jew now? I guess it's a relief to know that not only is she ignorant of world history and politics but she can't keep her SkyGod fairy tales straight either.

  14. gef05

    Ooooooo. Palin is an expert on foreign affairs – she's traveled to places where they don't use toilet paper. Let's vote her for preznit.

    Or just ignore her for the shameless dupe she is.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      I don't know, but I will say from experience ordering a hamburger in the Raj is not as cuturally insensitive as you'd assume (there are places that have it on the menu, and its sort of a status thing to some) but not recommended (if you think American fast food has low meat standards, you haven't seen how livestock is raised in places like Trivandurum. The main ingredient in their diet is trash).

      I can only imagine what she would have done if served a bowl of daal and some goat curry.

  15. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Dear India and Israel News Networks:

    Please remember that Sarah Palin is a private citizen and that her actions and statements do not reflect the views of the vast majority of United States citizens.

    (FYT, Sorosbot)

  16. ttommyunger

    Some have asked why the Grifter made this trip, others have answered: because she was paid 100 Thousand Samolians. Sounds right "in character" to me.

  17. comptoneffect

    The new gulf oil spill is an attempt to get us back on top in the man-made disaster news department. Pretty weak effort. Seems like we can’t do anything right anymore.

  18. baconzgood

    "It's time for a woman to be president"

    Sarah if you wanted to plug you running for prez it would be clearer if you said

    "It's time for a banshee to be president" Then they would KNOW you were talking about yourself.

    1. gef05

      President of what, is what I'm wondering?

      There are female leaders at the national level around the world – oh, but I guess you'd need a basic understanding of foreign affairs to know that, and to avoid saying such meaningless statements.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        I'd prefer Rachel Maddow, seeing as the last time we had a Rhodes Scholar in the White House we had a (kinky) sex scandal. Now, imagine the Clinton Years, but with a lesbian president. Hot!

        (&, please, no Hillary was president jokes.)

  19. freakishlywrong

    It WAS reassuring yesterday though that Candy Crowley interviewed The Maverick and his sidekick; DDawg. Because why have anyone in the administration on? Just have that partisan, bitter piece of jerky. Librul Media!

  20. Terry

    "There’s probably another oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico! "

    There is a lot of material from the last spill (both byproducts of the oil and the clean up effort) down at various layers in the Gulf. Stuff is going to occasionally burp up for years and years.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Yay! The only reason I live here was to swim in the salt water, it's the absolute answer to hangovers. Now, I'll be in awful Floriduh and have to quit drinking. Or move.

  21. LocalGirlMakesGoo

    I'm paraphrasing here, but someone from the committee that invited Palin to this event told a reporter "Oh, we don't really want to hear about her ideas… we're just hoping for some juicy faux pas."

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Jerry Lewis seems to agree with the French. & I don't see Woody Allen turning down Goy money.

  22. MildMidwesterner

    Looks like corporate America finally figured out how to outsource idiocy to India.

  23. DaRooster

    Would love to thank politicians, large corporations, stupid ass-hats, hateful, spiteful people and just plain dumb-fuckers for taking a beautiful place like we had and turning it into a fucking cesspool and a land being raped for the profits of the few cold hearted maggots… Happy Monday All.

    Its been nice…

  24. KathrynSane

    "Ms. Palin and her husband, Todd, were in India for such a short time that they did not get a chance to see the Taj Mahal, in part because it is closed on Fridays, the only day they had free time. Instead, according to local media reports, they went to one of New Delhi’s glitzy new shopping malls."

    Yeah, why attempt to experience or learn about the history and culture of an unfamiliar locale when you can just buy cheap shit at a shopping mall? She's the epitome of an ugly American tourist.

      1. trampndirtdown

        She went on this trip to get fake foreign experience cred, not to learn things asshole.

        (not really on the asshole, it just sounded like something a Palin fan would say)

  25. randcoolcatdaddy

    "It's time for a woman to be president!"

    It's also time for a competent individual who can solve problems to be president. But we haven't had one of those in a few decades.

    1. hagajim

      Agreed…Also everyone should read the cover story of MoJo this month…gives you a pretty good idea of why we haven't had a decent Preznit in awhile.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        I am considering subscribing to MoJo. It would be a nice replacement for Megan Mc Cardle's Gulch The Atlantic. (Can't really stand Christopher Hitchens, Sandra Tsing Loh, or Gregg Easterbrook, either. Corby Kummer (LOL) & James Fallows are ok.)

  26. PsycWench

    She seems a good candidate for that Jerusalem Syndrome thing in which one believes oneself to be the new Messiah.
    Oh wait, she's had that at least since 2008.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      I'm generally/blissfully ignorant of Christian doctrine, but I'm pretty sure JC didn't advocate the gospel of know-nothing resentment. His disciples, on the other hand, seem to specialize in it.

  27. Nopantsmcgee

    You just know when she got to New Delhi she complimented the "indians" for their cherished tradition of using all parts of the buffalo.

  28. elviouslyqueer

    In the past decade the India Today “conclave,” as the conference is called, has played host to Bill and Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Colin Powell, Pakistan’s Pervez Musharraf and Benazir Bhutto, the writer V.S. Naipaul, Afghanistan’s Hamid Karzai and the Queen of Jordan, among others.

    And now, this twat. Way to lower the intellectual bar, India.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      I bet they thought she was going to be the entertainment…Charlie Sheen was unavailable.

    1. user-of-owls

      In a manner of speaking, all of us.

      p.s. WOOHOO!! Look who broke into triple digits!! Huzzah!

        1. user-of-owls

          You dear girl, I've no idea if that phrase has filthy connotations in the Old Country, but if not, allow me please to continue assuming that it does.

    2. CrankyLttlCamperette

      I dunno. Does she have the same $800 Billion dollar trip planner that the Preznit used?

  29. AutomaticPilot

    Given how many pageviews she generates for teh Wonkett, I'm $urprised $arah ha$n't demanded royaltie$ yet.

      1. jus_wonderin

        Can you imagine the amount of victimization she could wring out of the postings and comments about her?

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Unsurprisingly, I prefer Ke$ha to $arah.

      Even if the former does like to wake up & brush with a bottle of Jack Steuf.

  30. LiveTo[Redacted]Ya

    Will Palin dance the hora with Netanyahu? Or, more Seussian, will the ho' horas 'hu?

  31. Mahousu

    "There is no natural limit for United States and India relations," [Palin] said.

    Is there any way to interpret this statement that does not involve fisting and goats?

    [Palin added] “I’m so busy I don’t have the time to play some of the games these guys want to play.”

    Evidently not.

  32. PuckStopsHere

    Mother Theresa and now this? The full range of American Exceptionalism has now been brought to the Indian people.

  33. Barbara_i

    I saw a picture of her in Israel already. Jesus, tap dancing Christ, she's wearing a star of David necklace.

    Face it, she's just there to check out "The Challah Fame" She's pissed off at Paul Simon for using Bristol as his inspiration as the "roly-poly little bat-faced girl" in his work and she wants retribution. Watch your back, Garfunkle! The homecoming queen's got a gun!

  34. hagajim

    went bra-shopping at Forever 21

    First – Ugh…
    Second – Shopping in Alaska must really be shitty if she has to fly to India to get to a Forever 21….
    Third – Forever 21 for a bra? Really? Why not VS or somewhere like that….this fucktard can't even bra shop right.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Well, she could've gone sari shopping, but Sarah would likely think they looked too Muslim-y.

  35. MilwaukeeKent

    someone did remember to cc Israel, Likud and AIPAC that memo about how Sarah Palin is "woefully unqualified", right? Right…Hello?

  36. Dudleydidwrong

    For the next stop on the world tour, why not drop the Wasilla Witch into Khadafi's compound in Libya. That'll solve two problems as he'll give up when he discovers what he's up against and he can keep Sarah as a consolation prize. Then drop Todd into the desert somewhere. I understand that, after a few days, a camel looks pretty good.

  37. Winnie_Cooper

    Would India or Israel like to keep her? (Yes, it is probably a stupid question, but a girl can dream.)

  38. MinAgain

    Today Palin is in Jerusalem, courting the Zion Elders.

    A new Diaspora commences in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….

  39. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    israel first
    Neocon Princess
    AIPAC's Sarah Palin
    Protecting the 9/11 Scam.

    Covering up the truth about 9/11 is considered a key security issue for the State of Israel.

  40. Snarke_Diem

    How great that she spends about 48 hours in India and her first stop upon arrival? The closest, most upscale mall available!

    You go, Lou Sarah. Show those Indians that a Real American puts her retail cravings above any mindless sightseeing or getting to know the people of India.

  41. Guppy06

    Somehow, I get the feeling she'll come out of all this owning a new house on the West Bank.

  42. BarackMyWorld

    She also told India that “it is time for a woman to become president.”

    Is Nancy Pelosi running?

  43. mourningnmerica

    Sarah was so moved by her Israel trip and subsequent spiritual awakening, that she has filed papers to change her name to Sarah Palinstine. Wait…

  44. MiniMencken

    Well, maybe the Israelis will be able to make a little chicken soup out of this freier.

  45. DREGstudios

    For the first time in her life, Palin will leave our continent in pursuit of spreading her insane and violent rhetoric to another part of the world. What impression will the most vane and vile political figure of our time leave on the people of other countries? You can see my portrait and commentary on the effects of her absurd ranting on my artist’s blog at

  46. mayor_quimby

    Note the wording in her quote here:
    “It’s overwhelming to be able to see and touch the cornerstone of our faith,” Palin told reporters upon exiting the tunnels. “I’m so thankful to be able to be here, and I’m thankful to know the Israel American link connection will grow and strengthen as the peace negotiations will continue.”

    She says ISRAEL AMERICAN link connection (she even fucked that up), meaning us Jeebus lovin' Americans have a bond with the land of Israel, we never said shit about caring about actual Israelis. We just need you to stir some shit up and get this armageddon started! Raise the roof of the temple!
    Can you get a degree in secret Christian speak? Maybe I can get a scholarship.

  47. Cornflowerbleume

    Mamma Grizzly has set back the possibility of a female president *at least* 10 years.

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