Michelle Obama Is Your Obese Child’s Cyberbully

If you’ve been paying attention, you know that America is suffering from an obesity epidemic that may or may not exist. And you probably know that our FLOTUS, Michelle Obama, has deemed herself personally responsible for making sure that obesity ends forever and as soon as possible. Recently, however, our FLOTUS’ interest in veggies and aerobics has appeared to be waning, as she has spent some time raising awareness of other young people problems, like bullying. And this is ironic, you see, because Michelle Obama really wants nothing more than the chance to shove a fat kid’s head in a toilet.

It has been a little over a year since Michelle announced her “Let’s Move!” campaign. Officially, the campaign is “dedicated to solving the problem of obesity within a generation, so that children born today will grow up healthier and able to pursue their dreams.” Unofficially, it is genocide against overweight children.

Michelle Obama spoke movingly last week at a press conference about how parents agonize over the pain bullies inflict on children. Maybe she should talk to Casey Heynes about that. Heynes is a 16-year-old Australian fat kid who according to his father has been bullied for years by classmates about his weight. A few days ago, some of them decided to record their latest attack on a camera phone.

The first lady would, no doubt, be horrified by the suggestion that her Let’s Move campaign, which is dedicated to trying to create an America without any fat kids, is itself a particularly invidious form of bullying. But practically speaking, that’s exactly what it is. The campaign is in effect arguing that the way to stop the bullying of fat kids is to get rid of fat kids.

Yes, kill them all – with broccoli and exercise! Fat kids do make pretty great punching bags, and kickboxing is a terrific workout. But maybe kids don’t really need exercise, because maybe this whole obesity thing is just another Obama conspiracy to get everyone to plant vegetable gardens, thus creating jobs for all the illegal Mexicans. Because doctors pretty much made up that BMI thing and that 300 pound toddler that lives across the street is just an optical illusion, or something.

And none of this even touches on a subtler and more invidious cost to the Let’s Move campaign: the profound shaming and stigmatization of fat children that is an inevitable product of the campaign’s absurd premise that the bodies of heavier than average children are by definition defective, and that this “defect” can be cured through lifestyle changes. As Casey Heynes’ desperate act of self-defense illustrates, fat kids have enough problems without the additional burden of being subjected to government-approved pseudo-scientific garbage about how they could be thin if they just ate their vegetables and played outside more often.

But that boy is Australian. This is America, where fat kids can’t get bullied because they outnumber the mean, skinny kids. Besides, in America, we teach our kids to save the bullying for the gays. [The Daily Beast]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.