• May 26, 2012
THE CONTINUING CRISIS

March 18, 2011

Diplomat In Austria Tells AP Japan Radiation Has Reached California

by Ken Layne  

Duck 'n cover.Here’s the latest episode of the never-ending reality series, Why Nobody Trusts the Government: Everybody on the West Coast is freaking out because the radioactive plume is reaching North America today, from the melting nuclear plants in Japan, and everybody would probably really like some comforting, hourly updates along the lines of “Yep, we’re talking about minuscule, barely detectable levels of radiation that isn’t going to hurt anyone.” Especially after the Obama Administration’s surgeon general said it was a good idea to have Potassium Iodide tablets on hand, and especially with all the “Chernobyl gave thyroid cancer to at least 6,000 kids” historical reports floating around the Internet. Anyway, the radiation detection machinery picked up traces of the Japanese nuke cloud in Sacramento.

Again, here’s the source: A diplomat in Vienna speaking anonymously to an Associated Press reporter, in Austria:

VIENNA (AP) — Radioactive fallout from Japan’s crippled nuclear plant has reached Southern California but the first readings are far below levels that could pose a health hazard, a diplomat said Friday.

The diplomat, who has access to radiation tracking by the U.N.’s Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty Organization, cited readings from a California-based measuring station of the group.

Initial readings are “about a billion times beneath levels that would be health threatening,” the diplomat told The Associated Press, speaking on condition of anonymity because the CTBTO does not make its findings public.

Hooray for transparency! [ABC News]

{ 216 comments }

baconzgood March 18, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Karen Silkwood? Is that you?

Weenus299 March 18, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Vienna sausage.

iburl March 18, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Unnamed government official to the rescue again! Bless his soul!

sezme March 18, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Unnamed Government Official/Palin 2012!

Ducksworthy March 18, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Clever. Pairing the Unnamed with the Unnameable

poncho_pilot March 18, 2011 at 3:51 pm

no.

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I have complete trust in an anonymous diplomat in Vienna reporting on radiation levels in Southern California.

ph7 March 18, 2011 at 1:45 pm

The reactor has melted down and so must I
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye,
Goodbye,
Goodbye,
Goodbye!

Gratuitous World March 18, 2011 at 1:47 pm

The new season of Deadliest Catch should be pretty good.

nounverb911 March 18, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Ooh, three eyed fish sushi! Yum!
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/Blinky%2Bthe%...

HELisforHEL March 18, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Nine eyed carp for everyone!

V572625694 March 18, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Not to mention Shark Week.

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Nuclear mutated Alaskan King Crabs vs. The Humans!

OneDollarJuana March 18, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Diplomat is Austrian
Arnold Schwarzenegger is Austrian
Arnold Schwarzenegger is Republican
Republicans are liars

Thus, this diplomat is a liar.

"HONEY, WHERE ARE THE POTASSIUM PILLS?"

James Michael Curley March 18, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Eat a banana. Since its potassium iodide you need, salt it first. No Kohsher Salt as it does not containe iodide.

WhatTheHeck March 18, 2011 at 1:48 pm

The radiation has made my body visible without the use of scanners. My der wiener schnitzel is embarrassed and glowing.

Giveusabob March 18, 2011 at 1:48 pm

"… because the CTBTO does not make its findings public."

Ah yes, because the office didn't want to spoil this big surprise party its was planning when it finally succeeded in justifying its existence. Guess they'll have to cancel ordering the cake now.

Jim89048 March 18, 2011 at 2:04 pm

That cake–it's yellow, no?

DeathOfIrony March 18, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Uzbekistan has the best potassium.

freakishlywrong March 18, 2011 at 1:49 pm

A diplomat in Austria? Speaking off the record? About radiation in Japan and California? What the fuck? Really. The Fuck.

tessiee March 18, 2011 at 3:02 pm

You know who else was from Austria?

SorosBot March 18, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Kurt Waldheim?

Rambone March 18, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Paul Hogan?

mumbly_[redacted] March 18, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Slow Friday afternoon + the headquarters of the IAEA in Vienna.

SmutBoffin March 18, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I thought the West Coast air tasted a little different this morning. The extra ions make it springtime fresh!

Swampgas_Man March 18, 2011 at 6:47 pm

The radiation kills all the germs and pollen.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 18, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I see what you do there, Ken.
~

Oblios_Cap March 18, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Tell me again why Don Johnson didn't want to stay underground and just get fucked to death in that movie?

riverside68 March 18, 2011 at 3:00 pm

As I recall he wasn't going to get fucked, he was going to get milked, by a machine. Not nearly as satisfying.

Oblios_Cap March 18, 2011 at 6:53 pm

There's an app for that.

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Why have I never seen this?….And, oh snap, it looks like netflix has it for streaming, too!

riverside68 March 18, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Best ending ever! If you saw that coming for more than 5 minutes, you're sick. (Ever so carefully placing myself inside the circle.)

ShaveTheWhales March 18, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Or had read the Ellison short story.

poncho_pilot March 18, 2011 at 3:55 pm

i saw it coming for more than 5 minutes and every time i watch it now i giggle to myself leading to the end. sick…yeah.

Radio 仕事のための安全ではない March 18, 2011 at 7:38 pm

In 70's movies evil always wins in the end. i think it probably started with Rosemary's Baby (in '68 nonetheless). it wasn't until Ronny was in the WH when the foggy dock, happy ending re-appeared.

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 9:15 pm

On a scale of 1 to Fucked Up, that was Fucked Up.

prommie March 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Now you have to watch his ex-wife's early foray, "Cherry 2000"

DashboardBuddha March 18, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I used to have the cassette of Harlen Ellison reading this (and Repent Harlequin, said the Tick Tock Man). I wore them out.

Blendergoathead March 18, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Pardon me? I live on the West Coast and I couldn't possibly give less of a fuck about that.

Now, the toxic green vomit on my driveway left by some dumbass amateur St. Patrick's Day asshole? That's a different story.

DemmeFatale March 18, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Really. I'm leaving rainy Norcal for Glenn Beckistan tomorrow (yes, Mom lives in "The Villages"), and I'm MUCH more worried about Baggers crashing into me in pimped out golf carts than radiation issues!

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Now, I'm not saying this is the end of the world, but isn't it interesting we'll all be dead this time next week?

nounverb911 March 18, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Gle2n Beck will be happy then.

CalamityJames March 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm

No shit, I just decided to take a walk around my beloved city of Birmingham and came face to face with a caravan of religious shuttle-buses with the phrase "Have you heard the good news? The world is coming to an end!" plastered all over each one. These people are far too excited.

natoslug March 18, 2011 at 3:09 pm

A really good samaritan would cut their brake lines and help them achieve their personal end-of-world goal.

CalamityJames March 18, 2011 at 3:12 pm

I really wish I had gotten a picture of these monstrous things. The background image was a bunch of smiling children.

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 4:56 pm

The scary thing about these End-Of-Worlders, is that they want to take innocent victims along with them when they decide to Rapture themselves.

Swampgas_Man March 18, 2011 at 6:49 pm

I'll say it again: Rapture the rape-turds.

nounverb911 March 18, 2011 at 1:51 pm

How does this effect LA's smog?

V572625694 March 18, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Should make it less toxic.

poncho_pilot March 18, 2011 at 3:56 pm

"they say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets."

Swampgas_Man March 18, 2011 at 6:51 pm

"How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, stick it in the air and it lights up by itself."

el_donaldo March 18, 2011 at 1:52 pm

A billion times less? Wouldn't a billion times more than typical background radiation basically be cooking your brain in its skull?

I'm guessing this Austrian twat is a bit carefree with his zeros.

Ken Layne March 18, 2011 at 1:55 pm

From the "Austrian School of Economics," I bet.

EatsBabyDingos March 18, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I was supposed to be "kabillion."

Come here a minute March 18, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Anonymously leaking CTBTO data is not very diplomatic.

SheriffRoscoe March 18, 2011 at 1:52 pm

And it's pouring rain right now here in California. I think I'll just go stand outside, looking skyward, mouth open to catch the rainwater. Soon I'll glow in the dark, like some kind of gay superhero.

Oblios_Cap March 18, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Or drown, like a turkey…

Ruhe March 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Is there another kind of superhero? I mean even Wolverine with the sideburns and all…methinks he doth protest too much.

Crank_Tango March 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I smell a new japanese radiation-bukkake porn in the making!

Extempor肛門 March 18, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Oh, hey Sheriff!

I left a similar comment a few minutes after you — I somehow hadn't seen you there, what with your cape around your ankles and your head up instead of down and whatnot.

Anywhoo…YOU GLOW, SUPERGIRL!

SheriffRoscoe March 18, 2011 at 2:22 pm

We both looked out of our windows, saw the rain, and had the same thought: "How could this place get any freakier?"

They say 'great minds think alike', but I wouldn't dare presume.

Extempor肛門 March 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Fuck Jim Croce — I'd tug on your cape any day, SuperRoscoe!

(NO HOMO ARIGATO!)

DashboardBuddha March 18, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Not just "some kind" of gay superhero…OUR gay superhero.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum March 18, 2011 at 1:52 pm

You know what other Austrian was interested in nuclear technology?

Crank_Tango March 18, 2011 at 1:54 pm

nope–he called it "jewish science," and lucky for the world he did. Can you imagine if he had made them work on nukes?

nounverb911 March 18, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Senator Prescott Bush?

mumbly_[redacted] March 18, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Victor Frederick Weisskopf?

Gernot Zippe?

Erwin Schrödinger?

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum March 18, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Actually, it's der GropenFuhrer:
http://www.sourcewatch.org/index.php?title=Arnold...

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Gaston Glock?

Crank_Tango March 18, 2011 at 1:53 pm

So THAT'S what is falling all around me. Shit, I thought it was rain.

philpjfry March 18, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Can this country handle ANYTHING anymore without fucking it up

outragedcitizen March 18, 2011 at 3:08 pm

By this country do you mean the United States or Japan or does it really matter?

philpjfry March 18, 2011 at 4:45 pm

I mean this country. Sorry should have been more clear

Swampgas_Man March 18, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Hey, when our skin's melting off our bones, we can take comfort in the fact that this was TOTALLY NOT OUR FAULT.

mumbly_[redacted] March 18, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You know, there actually a lot of nuke policy stuff that happens in Vienna, making that dateline make a lot more sense than you'd think- I actually have a friend from college who's working over there on proliferation or something. So TOTALLY NOT A CRAZY PLACE TO COMMENT FROM.

Just FYI. Now feel free to snark away.

Ken Layne March 18, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Considering the radnet station is in Sacramento, where it's daytime and a weekday and during business hours, it is a little retarded that it's coming from an anonymous diplomat in a beer hall in Vienna on Friday night.

mumbly_[redacted] March 18, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Meh, five hours ago (i.e, when this story hit the tubes) Vienna time would have been ~3 PM. Being acutely familiar with how slow things are at 3:00 on a friday afternoon, as that's exactly what's going on for me right now, I'm actually even less surprised now.

Gogdammnit. Now I'm going assume, always, that any "anonymous leak" is a product of a slow office day somewhere, for someone.

Extempor肛門 March 18, 2011 at 1:56 pm

It's already nuclear rained about six inches in the last hour here in rad San Fran.

There are so many soaked, sullen, glow-in-the-dark zombies shuffling around the city right now, it looks like the Sunday afternoon after a big East German bank-sponsored Bergman-themed outdoor foam party-cum-fixie convention.

Weenus299 March 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Sounds like the beginning of Blade Runner.

HELisforHEL March 18, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Considering that I always thought that movie nailed what our future would look like, I'd say we're right on schedule. Fabulous.

Extempor肛門 March 18, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Holy shit…you're right!

L00KN 4 PRIS BRB!!1

widestanceroman March 18, 2011 at 2:27 pm

But with no exciting opportunities awaiting on the off-world colonies (and they still don't advertise for killers in the newspaper).

Swampgas_Man March 18, 2011 at 6:54 pm

And no cool Syd Meade architecture or flying cars.

mull_man March 18, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I share your locale. Too bad it isn't the last Friday of the month – Critical Mass might finally live up to its name.

Extempor肛門 March 18, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Ha!

Though at the rate we're getting cold Silkwood showered, every Friday from here on out might just end up being critical mass.

MissTaken March 18, 2011 at 2:40 pm

And now a tornado. Oh goodie!

Ken Layne March 18, 2011 at 2:53 pm

You just teleported me back to 1998 or so, in my 2nd story office in the lower Haight, watching hordes of workers in neckties (or carrying their office high heels in a bag) walking to town in a misty rain because the 71 electric bus was broken again.

Extempor肛門 March 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Whoah! We used to be neighbors:

From '96-'98, I lived in that blood & pus-colored stucco box right next to the meth-lab explosion-made vacant lot on the corner of Haight & Pierce!

The Beemer-driving FiDi guys picking up 14-year-old drug deal escorts in front of Used Rubber for a quick ride around the block every night were one of the first signs that the 'hood was about to get bought up and made a lot less interesting.

Speaking of the worthless, once every hour 71, did you ever have the pleasure of riding it with one-liner spewing urban hobo "Chickenbone"? Man, I gots me some good stories 'bout that carcass-coiffed disaster magnet…

Ken Layne March 24, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Ha, there's the hidden reply … I lived right across from O'Looney's Liquor, next to Noc Noc, in a big battleship-gray Victorian with an iron cage around the front door/porch. The late "great" Tabloid.net was run from the upstairs of that split-in-half house ….

Extemporanus March 24, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I know it (O'Looney's and that "ramshackle Victorian") quite well.

In fact, at the time, my girlfriend was a "waitress" at Noc Noc, and probably served you and the elitist TABLOID.net's SF bureau champagne saki bombs or something while the owner was checkmating my ass at the bar.

(Please don't reply to this, because I won't be able to find it without a Geiger counter.)

DemmeFatale March 18, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Nah, those aren't zombies, they're just hipster crack-heads.

Pithaughn March 18, 2011 at 1:57 pm

snark off
From SA " the waste produced by coal plants is actually more radioactive than that generated by their nuclear counterparts. In fact, the fly ash emitted by a power plant—a by-product from burning coal for electricity—carries into the surrounding environment 100 times more radiation than a nuclear power plant producing the same amount of energy"
The time for clean renewable "proliferation" is now. If the true cost of nuke, coal, NG and any other "cheap abundant" source is compared with solar and wind they don't come close. Our fascist overlords like the centralized structure of big power producing plants that use up some commodity as they can make a profit, which is the ONLY thing they truly care about.
snark on

riverside68 March 18, 2011 at 3:07 pm

But I understood that the radiation emitted from a properly working Nuke was Zero.

The problem is when they quit working properly, then they cover the world in invisible toxic shit.

Radio 仕事のための安全ではない March 18, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Invisible? Why is my sushi aglow?

riverside68 March 18, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Sushi glow because it really excited about invisible exploding poop which it is completely bathed in.

All better now? bon appetit!

SorosBot March 18, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Make sure to search every first aid box you can see, they usually contain Rad-X and RadAway in addition to Stimpacks; you can also purchase them from most doctors.

b[redact]opple March 18, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Someone in our office raided the first aid kit for the latex gloves a while ago. I'm afraid to go near the thing now.

poncho_pilot March 18, 2011 at 4:00 pm

be careful not to use too many stimpacks in short succession. they are highly addictive.

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Ohhhhhh, that's the stuff!

SorosBot March 18, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Not as bad as jet, buffout or alcohol though; besides curing an addiction just takes 100 bottlecaps.

poncho_pilot March 18, 2011 at 5:45 pm

i got addicted far away from a town. it was a long trip back. fever. constipation. shaking. cold sweat. and all just to find the enterprise shuttle…cold turkey had me on the run.

poncho_pilot March 18, 2011 at 5:52 pm

stimpacks are the gateway drug. ha. ha. eh.

FNMA March 18, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Nothing to worry about. Ann Coulter said on O'Reilly that radiation's good for you.
I say, give her a garden hose and send her into the core.

DashboardBuddha March 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Send the whore to the core!

Graham Cracker March 18, 2011 at 3:09 pm

4,000 millisiervert up-fists for that. O'Reilly should go along to help. And Beck. And Hannity. And…

Crank_Tango March 18, 2011 at 2:03 pm

sounds like a waste of a perfectly good garden hose to me. Give the bitch a bucket.

AutomaticPilot March 18, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I thought she had her own hose anyway. If ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 2:05 pm

PLEASE someone tell me there's video posted online of this.

nounverb911 March 18, 2011 at 2:10 pm

http://tv.gawker.com/#!5783191/ann-coulter-to-bil…

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I watched 47 seconds…my only explanations are that either:
(1) Ann doesn't understand that there are different types of radiation that can effect you in different ways depending on the amount of exposure, and can also have unhealthy long term effects (for example, chemotherapy can fight your cancer but also make you so sick your hair falls out); or
(2) Ann's a dumb bitch who is exceptionally good at being oblivious to any information that doesn't fit neatly within her pre-existing world view.

WhatTheHolyHeck March 18, 2011 at 5:32 pm

(3) She's a professional troll who doesn't believe a word that seeps from her toxic face-hole, and only spews provocative shit in order to book more television appearances and sell books.

SorosBot March 18, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Well radiation is good for you – certain kinds that is; for example without electromagnetic radiation in the visible light range we couldn't see. The kind of radiation that comes from nuclear fission and waste however? Yeah that ain't too good; ask history's only double and first female Nobel prize winner how who discovered radioactivity what it did to her health.

Pithaughn March 18, 2011 at 2:26 pm

A bad tan?

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm

No, the media isn't reporting this because so they can sensationalize the nuclear accident, not because it's not true!

widestanceroman March 18, 2011 at 2:29 pm

That gal can suck a fuel rod through a garden hose.

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Gal?

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Please let this be the final straw of stupidity that gets her banned from television forever.

BTWBFDIMHO March 18, 2011 at 3:01 pm

That may explain her Adam's apple.

tessiee March 18, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"Ann Coulter said on O'Reilly that radiation's good for you."

Well, isn't *that* a fine how do you do!

I always thought her freakishly long neck and grotesque, bobbing Adam's apple were a result of deep-throating Satan, but maybe she's just got some sort of hideously malformed thyroid thing goin' on there.

The more you know…

outragedcitizen March 18, 2011 at 3:11 pm

If you believe what a lot of people say, ( and by people I mean us here at Wonkette), she already has her own hose.

AutomaticPilot March 18, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Darn it, i should have read all of these replies before I made the exact same joke… When will I ever learn? (Probably never.)

donner_froh March 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

O'Reilly continues his campaign to look partially sane by having people (and Ann Coulter) on who are so crazy that he appears wise and judicious for that segment.

Not even the most teabaggy of teabaggers could accept what that addled meth head was so adamant about. Possibly a paid spokesman for the nuclear industry but no one else.

Oblios_Cap March 18, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I feel fine.

PalinPussyPower March 18, 2011 at 1:57 pm

The new pickup line here in L.A. is "Hey baby, wanna go back to my place and share some potassium iodide?"

riverside68 March 18, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I let you be in my dream if I can be in yours?

prommie March 18, 2011 at 1:58 pm

A boy and his dog! Don Johnson's first foray into sucking at acting.

Tommmcatt March 18, 2011 at 3:19 pm

He actually had mastered that in this film, I felt. I can't imagine that it is humanly possible to suck more than he did.

Dog was good, though.

prommie March 18, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Tommmcatt, old friend, how could you forget, his closest rival at sucking at acting was also his wife (twice), the working girl, the one with the mind for business and the body for sucking at acting. The pinnacle of her suckitude: Cherry 2000. I think she actually surpassed him in sucking. Did they have children? If they did, those children must never, ever ever be allowed into showbiz. Not even in a John Waters movie.

Tommmcatt March 18, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Hardly the worst actors ever, though. I cast my vote for Keanu Reeves on that one.

prommie March 19, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Wasn't he in The Taming of the Shrew with Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompso, back when she was smoking hot? (I'da hit it)

Jukesgrrl March 19, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Also, back in the day when he was starring in The Secret Garden of Stanley Sweetheart with Holly Near (yeah, she pretends to forget that), he was HAWTT, which is more than anyone could ever say about Keanu Reeves, who always looks like he just stumbled out of the Viper Room's john. He also has the redeeming value of having been in a band with Bob Weir, working with the Allman Brothers Band, and being friends with Willie Nelson. So I guess what I'm saying is, he has an ounce more value than Kevin Costner.

tessiee March 18, 2011 at 4:32 pm

But hardly his last.

SayItWithWookies March 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm

On the bright side, radiation is invisible, so it won't sweep any damn fool picture takers out to sea.

nounverb911 March 18, 2011 at 2:05 pm

It'll just ruin their film.

jqheywood March 18, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Film? Oh, you is an old…….<grin>

MissTaken March 18, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Ah, but with the crazy storm us in SF are getting right now and the supermoon high tides I'm sure we can find a fool or two to take pics on the beach and go bye bye.

Sometimes we aren't very smart.

Lascauxcaveman March 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Eh, it's just not as impressive to see the big guy wiping out a dusty little cowtown like Sacramento. His heart's just not in it.

DashboardBuddha March 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I take Iodine
chewing on charcoal
Watching the wind go slow
People I meet
They tell me I'm sweet
but I cast an active glow

SheriffRoscoe March 18, 2011 at 2:03 pm

With rectal powers FAR BEYOND that of mortal men!

EdFlintstone March 18, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Another non-emergency to not use that plastic and duct tape you had left over from 9-11.

Naked_Bunny March 18, 2011 at 2:06 pm

So…should the farmers in here in Iowa continue with their plan to market "high-energy atomic corn syrup" or not? It's almost planting season, guys.

BarackMyWorld March 18, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Hooray for transparency!

Is that what it's called when we can see our own bones glowing through our skin?

undeterredbyreality March 18, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I wear my sunglasses at night.

GuanoFaucet March 18, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I'm confused by the picture accompanying this post. Are we supposed to make out with dogs when the nuclear apocalypse comes? Rick Santorum is gonna have a fucking brain aneurysm when he finds out.

tessiee March 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I read it as some kind of campy 50s-style commercial:

Boy: Gosh, Brownie, I can't wait till I'm old enough to join the Army and smoke cigarettes!
Dog: You bet, Billy! And I got rid of those pesky fleas, too — thanks to Nukes!
Announcer voice-over: Yes, Nuclear Power, the cleanest, safest energy source!

tribbzthesquidz March 18, 2011 at 2:08 pm

This plume is taking America back, creating jawbz.

LiveTo[Redacted]Ya March 18, 2011 at 2:09 pm

So, basically, it's about a thousand-billion times more dangerous to drive your car in L.A. than to stand around a nuclear reactor and tan your gonads.

DerrickWildcat March 18, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Yes, There's my reason to not go into work today!

mumbly_[redacted] March 18, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Yet another reason not to live on the Wrong Coast, between Earthquakes, Mudslides, Forest Fires, the LAPD, and now Nuclear Death-Rain, also, too.

Extempor肛門 March 18, 2011 at 2:20 pm

My life's already a total fucking disaster — that my death could (will?) be as well I find karmically comforting.

SorosBot March 18, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Hippies too also.

mumbly_[redacted] March 18, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Eh, we make up the difference with a double-dose of hipsters. The Pac Northwrong offers some stiff competition there, but honestly the white supremacists are sort of a bigger problem.

jqheywood March 18, 2011 at 2:40 pm

2 words for you….the OC

MissTaken March 18, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I really hope that nuclear death rain will wash away the stench of patchouli.

SorosBot March 18, 2011 at 2:46 pm

What is it about pot that makes people fail to realize how horrible that smell is, anyway?

onemoretime79 March 18, 2011 at 6:16 pm

It's an acquired smell. Sorta like scotch drinking.
If it's good it smells good and gets your mouth all watery.

Crank_Tango March 18, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Well let me give you three good reasons to live here:
1. weed
2. weed
3. weed

and as a bonus, hot wimmens everywhere, with weed.

DemmeFatale March 18, 2011 at 6:35 pm

That reminds me of when we moved from NY to CA. People asked me if I was afraid of the earthquakes. (This, after Mr. Fatale's boss was killed in the World Trade Center on 9/11.)
My reply was always: "No."

mumbly_[redacted] March 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Well, yeah, I'd probably rate the LAPD higher on my list of California things to be afraid of than earthquakes.

(also, seriously, sorry to hear about Mr. Fatale's boss- my estranged father works/worked for an engineering firm that used to be based in one of the towers, and he had accepted a transfer to their Yorktown office, but he still had a lot of colleagues and, presumably, friends there in 2000)

DemmeFatale March 18, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Ugh! Southern CA sucks (sorry, O.C.). I went to UCI, and was constantly surprised by the conservative, Repub, mindset.

Eerie, but true: My husband's boss was covering a conference for him, because he had an important appointment. They agreed that Mr. Fatale would attend in the afternoon. Glad to hear that your father escaped.

jqheywood March 18, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Fallout on surfers and cancers on thyroids
Bright MOXie kettles and warm jet stream breezes
Iodide packages and kittens with wings
These are a few of my favorite things

tessiee March 18, 2011 at 3:01 pm

I must admit that kittens with wings *does* sound awfully cute.

Lost_Teabaggers March 18, 2011 at 2:22 pm

You know there is a silver lining in all this, especially if the government is lying YET AGAIN about a health hazard. We can tell all the OC wingnuts it's okay to go back to doing their daily activities outside such as dancing on the bodies of dead poors or burning piles of money while keeping poor people behind electric fences for shits and giggles. Even better, they can lower the top on the SL-450 while they're out buying yet another Bentley or yet another whore diamond today, the coast is clear, Reaganites, you can go shopping, hooray!

ManchuCandidate March 18, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Everytime I hear a talking head mention something about radiation I can't help but think of Repo Man.

J. Frank Parnell/Mann Coulter: Ever been to Utah? Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day – nothing. Swept away. But I'll show them. I had a Lobotomy, um, sex change in the end.
Otto: Lobotomy? Sex change? Are you a chick with a dick?
Parnell/Coulter: Not at all. Friend of mine had both. He was a contarded talking head. You ever hear of the Federalists or Club For Growth? Destroys people – leaves money growing. Fits in two words, low taxes. It's so stupid, no one knows it's there until – BLAMMO. Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead. So immoral, working on the thing can drive you mad or change your sex. That's what happened to this friend of mine. So he had a lobotomy/sex change. Now she's well again.

Steverino247 March 18, 2011 at 2:36 pm

"John Wayne is a fag."

DahBoner March 18, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Two-way mirrors

GOPCrusher March 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

True story: I lived in Las Vegas when John Wayne died. The headline on the Las Vegas Sun was "Nuclear Bomb Kills John Wayne" and the article went on to explain that because many Westerns were filmed near St. George, UT when they were testing nukes above ground in the Nevada Test Range, the fallout more than likely caused his cancer.
As opposed to his two pack a day habit.

RunnyRose March 18, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Yeah, but what about the time machines?

genxr March 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I blame society.

ManchuCandidate March 18, 2011 at 2:50 pm

That's bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me

FNMA March 18, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Plate of shrimp.

riverside68 March 18, 2011 at 3:10 pm

DON"T LOOK IN THE TRUNK!

Billmatic March 18, 2011 at 2:30 pm

It's good you cooled down on the end of the world rhetoric Ken, I was starting to worry you'd become the leftist answer to Alex & Glenn.

BlueMonkeh March 18, 2011 at 2:30 pm

If the anonymous diplomat is hawt we should make'em stand around nekkid, also.

tessiee March 19, 2011 at 12:11 pm

*puts on Sex Police hat and badge to prepare for this*

weejee March 18, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Seems those who are really in the know are so interested in blowing smoke up our collective ass, that our hemorrhoids may end up taking a worse beating than our thyroids.

BTW, do not, repeat DO NOT try to used tincture of iodine as a iodide supplement.

PublicLuxury March 18, 2011 at 2:39 pm

When the women grow a third boob and men's dicks shrink to baby Gherkin size then they'll update the status as, Yellow, Problematic.

pinkocommi March 18, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Is it sad that I hope the nuclear fallout here California is bad enough that real estate prices deflate even more and I can finally afford to buy a house?

ManchuCandidate March 18, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Real Estate Agent: You know… this neighborhood has pretty good schools and is safe.
Couple: /looks at price $250K/ If everything is so great about the house then why is it so cheap?
Real Estate Agent /looks conspiratorial and whispers/: There's a small problem with the underground areas with CHUDs. It's only a small problem which is why you shouldn't let your kids play near any sewers. That's why the executor of the estate is selling it, not the owners.

genxr March 18, 2011 at 2:46 pm

you say nuclear, I say nuculer…

genxr March 18, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Finally, my race of atomic supermen can rise!

poncho_pilot March 18, 2011 at 5:49 pm

they've been proofing overnight.

undeterredbyreality March 18, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Heh-heh. Hawt Tamron Hall just talked on TV about "burying rods."

El Pinche March 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I'd like to bury my rod in Tamron Hall and melt her casings…oh oh oh

mayor_quimby March 18, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Sadly, you'd probably get to before me, if she's a p-ness size queen.
But yeah, she makes my 'HDTV' drool whenever she's on it.

mrblifil March 18, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Yeah I would definitely like the chance to spray fluids on her in the hopes of some of it getting in her hole.

SorosBot March 18, 2011 at 2:49 pm

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades,
I gotta wear shades

jqheywood March 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm

We seem to have similar tastes in music, Sorosbot….

Cats will be cats, and cats will be cruel
Cats can be callous, and cats can be cool
Cats will be cats, remember these words
Cats will be cats, and cats eat birds

jqheywood March 18, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Hey….my reply disappeared, and my p is shrinking…its a conspiracy…

Edit: And now it is there. I've got to stop sniffing glue at work….

tessiee March 18, 2011 at 2:59 pm

They tried that in 1998. It didn't go well.

Sassomatic March 18, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Hey California, the Gulf Coast will trade you toxic dispersant for harmless radiation. Don't worry, the government swears our toxic dispersant is also "harmless."

fuflans March 18, 2011 at 3:17 pm

any chance that nuclear meltdown and wafting radiation will convince the great fat unwashed masses that government regulation is sometimes ok?

nah, what am i saying.

emmelemm March 18, 2011 at 3:23 pm

If the BP oil spill, with all parties involved having not followed even minimal regulations, yet not being penalized, didn't do it, this probably won't either.

Or the Massey coal mine having eleventy billion safety violations, then 20-some miners DYING.

Or… I could go on…

fuflans March 18, 2011 at 3:27 pm

i was going to post that exact same list but i feel like shit today and typing was too hard.

(financial meltdown also).

el_chupacabra March 18, 2011 at 3:17 pm

THIS IS A TRAVESTY on the level of taxing my FREEDOM to use TANNING BEDS you commies.

undeterredbyreality March 18, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Ahh, it all makes sense now. The new Orange Overlord got tired of paying for his tan.

Schmegeg March 18, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Screw thyroid, see my new selection of lead lined underwear on sale NOW.

undeterredbyreality March 18, 2011 at 3:29 pm

"Why is it that in this era, only comedians tell the truth?"

Thus has it ever been. See: Bruce, Lenny.

chascates March 18, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Just cut social services and taxes for the rich and it'll all go away.

DahBoner March 18, 2011 at 3:37 pm

There is no known "safe" dosage of radiation.

ALL exposure is cumulative over your lifetime and can lead to DNA damage…

chicken_thief March 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Exposure to radiation makes you want to eat your dog?! WTF?!!!!

mrblifil March 18, 2011 at 11:58 pm

You have incorrectly interpreted the hunger in that young boy's eyes.

Crank_Tango March 18, 2011 at 4:38 pm

prolly the weed.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi March 18, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Quite soon, the media and governments
will be discredited in spectacular fashion

sati_demise March 18, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Constant monitor of radiation in LA is now online!

http://www.enviroreporter.com/2011/03/envirorepor...

bookmarked until further notice and/or plant is finally and forever buried in lead and concrete.

crybabyboehner March 18, 2011 at 6:38 pm

For crying out loud, they did like a thousand H-bomb tests out on the outskirts of Las Vegas in the 50s and nothing unusual happened there.

sati_demise March 18, 2011 at 7:17 pm

tell that to my sister who had thyroid cancer from drinking milk as a child-which was produced downwind from Nevada……the whole of Nebraska and Kansas suffered from this sort of fall out. I only got Graves Disease since I was two years later. Now no health insurance will cover my thyroid for any reason…(am hoping this changes soon)

comrad_darkness March 18, 2011 at 9:56 pm

What people don't grasp is how fucking amazing these detectors are. One particle, guys, one particle, they can pick up. About 100000x less than that damn glow in the dark watch you had as a kid.

Mrs. Bitch March 18, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Oh thank the sweet baby Jeebus I live in way over in Michigan!! Wait… never mind.

Davidmillisand March 19, 2011 at 5:57 am

Govt should be transparent to the people. It should put the truth before them. http://zetaclearfacts.net

anniegetyerfun March 19, 2011 at 11:32 am

I have been waiting for my thyroid cancer for years. You will pry my cancer-ridden thyroid from my cold, dead hands.

rock90210 March 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm

"Everyone is freaking out on the West Coast"??? Really? Not anybody I know. It is raining right now though – Angelenos do freak out about that.

Swampgas_Man March 18, 2011 at 6:58 pm

DING! We have a winnar!

tessiee March 19, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Hey, it beats working.

WhatTheHolyHeck March 21, 2011 at 11:52 am

I don't know about that; she probably has to spend three to four hours in the makeup chair first, concealing the horns and covering up the scales.

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