The good news (?) is that the State Department has begun rescuing Americans and their families from the quake/tsunami/radiation-battered northeast coast of Japan. The bad news is that the rescue is just a bus to Tokyo, and you’ll need to sign a form promising to pay the bus fare. Still, rescue! And with some 80,000 people in Fukushima Prefecture advised by the Japanese government to clear out because of the little problem with the nuke plant, it is probably a good idea for Americans stuck there to look under the futon for some spare change and head to the bus stop. We’ve got the official communique.
From: “US Department of State Warden Message”
Date: March 18, 2011 3:47:35 pm JST
Subject: Embassy Tokyo Warden Message 03/18/2011U.S. Embassy Tokyo
Warden Message
March 18, 2011The U.S. Embassy in Tokyo has arranged for over 600 seats on several buses for transportation from Sendai City Hall to Tokyo. Priority for seats will be given to U.S. citizens and their immediate dependents. No reservation is required. However, passengers will be required to sign a promissory note to reimburse the U.S. Government for the normal bus fare from Sendai to Tokyo.
The first buses began to load at 9:00 a.m. on Friday, March 18 in front of Sendai City Hall (仙台市役所前広場). Buses will load and depart from the same location through 9:00 a.m. on Saturday, March 19, or until all 600 seats are filled.
Thanks to Wonkette operative “JKS.”
{ 109 comments }
What no pedicabs?
And no giant robots? This is an operation that pretty much demands giant robots.
Pedo-cabs are more fun!
Charging for an evacuation? I thought we were going to be rolling in dough after we vanquished the teacher's unions. You guys don't think we were lied to about that do you?
C'mon, we'll be treated as liberators and all that sushi will pay for the bus!
That's ridiculous! You can't liberate white people!
However, passengers will be required to sign a promissory note to reimburse the U.S. Government for the normal bus fare from Sendai to Tokyo.
Hurry up and sign before the politicians slap a big tax on it like it's a rental car in Philadelphia, which comes with 5 different taxes.
One of my old boyfriends got "rescued" by the US after the tsunami in Indonesia. The bill came to just a little over $5000.
If you get one of these bills, you can always gamble that the Dept of State doesn't talk effectively to the IRS and not pay the bill. If they DO talk, you lose your tax refund for the next couple years.
"$5,000! That's outrageous, Uncle Sam! No, you can just put me right back…"
I'd have made like horse shit and hit the trail a week ago.
Before the wind changes directions.
Yeah, nothing like a potential Chernobyl in the neighborhood to cut a Pacific vacation short.
Is that "Furthur" in the pic?
Yep–I can tell from the pixels. And the flashbacks.
EDIT: "The first Further died shortly after a trip to Woodstock, The second bus (a 1947 International Harvester) was created in the late 80's. The second bus is also called Further (not Further 2) and is not a replica." The first one, like many old hippies, is is a bit decayed, but still kinda groovy.
I got to ride on Further (2) a few years ago, with Kesey's son and a number of the surviving Merry Pranksters; also got a tour of the Kesey farm and sat in the seat of the original Further (very decayed).
Good times.
I think that is from The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.
Oh Duh. They named the bus Further. It has been a loooong time since I read that book.
Did you see the movie on your time machine? Or is there a future cable channel? Hook me up, man!http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1049951/
I'm still fuzzy this morning from St Pats revenge. http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2009/01/15/gus-van-sant...
needs moar hippies
Upfist for proper spelling.
Better to be on the bus than under the bus!
Everyday when I get nuked–too much, the magic bus!
The Magical Nuclear Tour is coming to take you away, coming to take you away, but you've got to pay.
(Edited because I didn't think of the rest of the joke until after commenting).
Wallow in radioactivity or get on a Greyhound bus?
Talk about your Sophie's Choice.
One and the same aren't they?
I expected to read "Exact Change" somewhere on this document.
Hi bus driver, is it ok if I drink my radioactive water on your bus? Promise I wont spill.
I dont care how much I pay (too much, the magic bus)
I love Fridays……And im still drunk
This is just like a King Kong movie only better 'cause we now have the Super Hero Captain America to the rescue.
And if you don't pay – next up a one way paid trip to GITMO!
or Detroit.
You're either on the bus, or thrown under the bus.
I hope this isn't a "2 zone" trip? 'Cause I don't have the change for a transfer.
Fuck. Stick it to the __________class again.
Thanks to Wonkette operative “JKS.”
Anyone know what (J)ack (S)tuef's middle name is?
Ask Ken. He has to write out his generous union thug, leftist blogging check every week.
(K)en.
Well, that explains a lot.
I wonder if (K)en knows his "operative" is giving free (job) interviews to Vanity Fair.
that's not how it's done, State department, you should strip them of their collective bargaining rights first.
Just don't say hello to Jack Steuf when you get on the bus.
"Hi Jack!"
Your contribution to the bus lets us send all those smart bombs to those who need them free of charge! Thanks for your help!
yet another example of Socialist-Communist-Fascist-Muslin Obama's Big Gubbmint intervention on our private lives !!!!
Obummer should have let Private Corporation to sell the evacuation vouchers to highest bidders according to free market principles.. not using Big Gubbmint's State Dept to intervene like this
…and after they are done with the buses, State will ship them back here so FEMA can pre-position them around New Orleans.
"Thank you for choosing 'Hello Apocalypse Bus Tours'. If you look out your left window, passengers, you'll see unimaginable death and destruction. Now check out the right side, and you'll see some destruction, and death.
Our next stop will be the world's largest Udon noodle. Fun Noodle Fact! did you know it's actually radioactive?"
Best if eaten on Fiestaware!
Oh, the Fukubus.
I see what you did there….verra nice!
However, passengers will be required to sign a promissory note to reimburse the U.S. Government for the normal bus fare from Sendai to Tokyo
Does anyone else think that this is a little bit like having to pay for your own rape kit? Was Palin somehow involved in this arrangement?
In younger days, I signed lots of 'promissory' notes to Catholic girls. Well, to be more accurate, my penis signed lots of them.
She's at least watching… from her front porch.
No, but the Republicans and other "deficit hawks" were…gawd forbid somebody not rich already get something from the gubmint, 'cause that's stealin' from our grandkids.
See, we all should have to sign promissory notes whenever the gubmint does something on our behalf. For example, should our leaders decide to invade some nation like, hmmm, Iraq… American citizens should have to sign a note promising to pay for said war, instead of kicking the can down the road to the next elected preznit to deal with.
On second thought, that sounds too much like "responsibility," and we'd never go for that.
And another gets on, and another gets on,
Another one rides the bus!
Hey, you need an IOU,
Another one rides the bus!
–Weird Al, the Nihon Remix
I love the smell of Strontium-90 in the morning.
It smells like chemistry….
Charlie doesn't SCRAM!
If you don't pay, do you have to go to work for the Kochs as an unpaid intern until your balance plus interest is paid off? I'm sure they wouldn't charge more in intereest than the credit card companies are allowed to.
fun fact – Jesus wasn't big on usury.
True, but neither are the Mohamedans.
If Ken Kesey is driving the bus, then this whole clusterfuck starts to make more sense.
I checked, and the normal Sendai to Tokyo fare on the wonderfully named "Dream Masamune" is ¥4500 off-peak and ¥5500 peak season. I'll hazard a guess that this counts as peak season.
I'll hazard a guess the scenic drive by Fukashima is a hazard too.
Just close your eyes and dream of Masamune.
Who is this mysterious JKS? Hm, someone with those initials reporting from Japan to Wonkette – it's J. K. Simmons, right? He was great in the Spider-Man movies; yes even the third one.
In related news, Rep. Chris Smith, R-N.J, has introduced a bill that would bar federal funding for evacuation of anyone who has had an abortion.
Or anyone who used Planned Parenthood for "genocide planning" purposes (no shit, one of the thugs in Congress actually called it "Planned Genocide") whilst listening to NPR…
Unfortunately the route has been dropped to pay for the tax-cuts for the wealthies 1%. On the bright side you'll never need a flashlight again.
"Freedums (and Bus Fares) ain't free!!"
The fuel pellets at Fukushima Dai-ichi contain plutonium, oh joy, but the glow-in-the-dark cesium and iodine in the air are more of an immediate health concern. This has moved-up to a 5 on the nuke disaster scale – or at the Three Mile Island level. Chernobyl was a 7, but the French Nuke Agency says the situation at Dai-ichi should be a six. Since the Japanese are starting to talk about burying the site, that likely in the long haul will push it to a six or seven. Wish Fukushima's engineers would get past their preoccupation with saving face and put public health first. This is really, really, bad.
Maybe.
Your house is on fire? Here, read and sign this promissory note. You're being mugged and need a cop? First, fill out these legally binding documents. Hey, it's our model for health care, why not?
Already the model for firefighters in Tennessee.
Well free market firefighting worked for Marcus Crassus, who created the first firefighting brigade, for profit, and used it to become one of the richest men in history.
Look how he ended up though!
and scott walker's dream land.
Hard to light a house on fire if it's underwater, right?
They should have sent a mexican bus from Zihuatanejo. Everyone could ride the one bus, and fare is about five pesos, which is only paid by the stupid gringos.
Fat Freddy always like the dreaded mexican bus. Not sure about his cat.
Which reminds me of a joke allegedly told by International Hippie Backpackers:
How many people can you get on a Nicaraguan bus?"
Two or three more.
Wow! I've been on that bus. Banging down the mountain roads took about eight years off my life, (and five pesos; I am a stupid gringo.)
Should be done UCal Berkely style-free, but with a bumper sticker that says "Gas, grass or ass, no one rides for free."
We guess your Gamma Energy Range or you ride free!
WTF is up with the cheap-ass Obama government? Can't they find a building, a few ladders, and a helicopter or two to evacuate our citizens from Sendai? Jeez, things have just fallen apart since 1975.
Try our new Tsunami Tsuper Tsaver fares!
Prime Minister Naoto Kan
But Immanuel Kant
The Mox
It's the American Way.
♫Too much, magic bus.♪
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Hillary Clinton's State Department!
You may be right but it is my hope that our government/State Dept is not that fucked up. My hope that some junior under, under, under secretary to the under under secretary decided he could make a decision and when it reaches the upper echelon it will be correct with much embarrassment.
Slow bus to China?
Is "wonkette operative" a promotion over "wonkette afternoon editor?"
Only the bus looks more like the Partridge Family bus…
I hope they're prepared for a lot of promissary notes signed by Haywood Jablome, Hugh G. Rekshun and Mike Hunt.
Maybe you have to show your passport?
Running from an innocuous cloud of uranium/plutonium exhaust is a sigh of weakness.
The terrorists have won.
This is what the lessons from Viet Nam come down to? Always charge for the evacuation.
Thanks for the Merry Pranksters!
Normal bus fair is a small price to pay to avoid weathering the poo storm to come. Nuclear Boy is going to poo!
I had no idea the Partridge Family was so well armed.
Jinrikishaw or GTFO!
I always depend on Greyhound to shuttle me out of a nuclear fallout area.
I wish the State Department would muster some resources to search for my American friend, who has been missing in Ishinomaki since the tsunami. She is currently the only JET assistant language teacher who hasn't been found. The US Embassy told her family on Wednesday that she had been located, but that turned out to be untrue. I can't imagine what her family is going through.
Riding the Dog to Tokyo City.
Hey, you on the bus! You have been waiting around in the danger zone? For what? Tip: Don't stop at Tokyo. Moron.
Oh, for the love of God. I'll pay the damn bus fare. Just get those people out of there, before the whole country goes to hell. Or a facsimile thereof.
FEMA's still trying to collect the bus fare from the people they relocated from the lost city of New Orleans.
"Smaller government" in action. Wait till it starts happening Stateside, the 'smaller government' reactionaries are gonna have a sad when they have to pay for their own damn Hover Rounds…
Quite soon, the media and governments
will be discredited in spectacular fashion
What doesn't?
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