Everybody suffers in their own way, okay? Don’t judge! Sometimes when somebody loves a fish in a very special way, that person is unhappy when the fish can’t be shipped from Japan, on the other side of the world.
Is this a real thing? Because we here at Wonkette very much enjoy eating ourselves some sushi — although we’ve sworn off the unsustainable stuff such as toro (bluefin) and actually use this guide to order fish that’s plentiful and caught in sane numbers — and we know that the tastiest seafood is your fresh, locally caught seafood. Isn’t Israel next to a sea? What the hell, people, eat the fish you’ve got right there. Also, Israel? This makes you look like assholes, again. Perception is reality, etc., right? Jesus christ …. [Ynet via Wonkette operative "Oren"]
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Kane and ebi are not kosher. (Crab and shrimp in english)
I read this as "Kander & Ebb," wondering "What the fuck? Chicago?"
"You know, some guys just can't hold their strontium."
What about unagi?
And let's get this straight. "Sushi" is the seasoned rice, not the fish. There are varieties that don't have any fish at all, such as tamago (an omelet sushi), or inari-zushi (a fried tofu sushi). And the fish isn't raw all the time. My favorite is unagi (freshwater eel), which is usually barbecued and is wonderful.
I don't think that word means what you think it means… Though considering your avatar, it was probably just a typo. Anyway, Kane means money (kosher?) but crab is kani.
I know I'm being pedantic, but I expect the Japanese are currently occupied with more important things than correcting romaji typos (like making sushi for the Middle East).
Fake crab is made of whitefish, which is so Jewish it's ridiculous.
Not so much, though, with the octopus, squid, clam,scallop, lobster, sea urchin…
Careful, Wonkette, you may have to issue a sniveling public apology and immediately resign your position.
I can sympathize. I know I'll miss my morning bowl of 'scientific' whale blubber.
Oy yey! Another trial…
The Jewish people have been suffering for over 2,000 years, and now this.
I think there will be plenty of freshly-killed fish available for harvest soon. Just order the potassium iodide wasabi on the side.
I fear that the use of the word 'fear' has become really haphazard in our news reporting.
If it's glowing is it still Kosher?
Only if the fish have scales.
What if glows, has scales, seven eyes, tentacles, claws, feet, and quietly begs for death in German?
I'm no expert, but I'd have to go with kosher.
I don't think you want to be eating Cthulu's spawn, no matter how much it begs to die.
It's probably Cthulhu. Not the main one, but little Ari Cthulhu.
He's so vain.
You can't mix plutonium and mox in the same pan.
Oh poo! I was going to send Sarah Palin a case of uncut fugu.
Just send her some pate de fois fugu instead.
Because the outline of Todd's tight jeans tells you Sarah has only been getting cut fugu?
Oh right. Like she's not already well stocked with poison and venom.
Try sending her the oogoo, the Aflac duck said it is delicious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw10xa_xtNg
Gefilte Fish futures are on the rise!
And here I was just thinking, "what does the Japanese crisis mean for Israel?"
-Joe Liberman
I stupidly never contemplated how this would affect the Israelis, because of my concern about how it would affect Sarah Palin.
At least we still have canned anus to enjoy.
Bobby Flay did a throw down once against a Sushi Chef and totally killed the guy by using American made Grade A canned anus as a primary ingredient in his version of the California Roll.
Does the Dead Sea have dead fish?
P.S. etc.
~
No, but Wasilla has one. (this may be a repeat post, Wonkette is wonked for me today)
What language was that Wikipedia article written in? It has some surprising similarities with English at a few points.
Not too many points, though. Sample quote: Fishing and fishermen are mentioned in the Bible several times, as in "we, Ahdygym, abalone, all – throws annotation Wait; differences Mchmarat on – the – water, unhappy" (Isaiah nineteenth h).
No blood for Sushi!
Oh won't someone think of the noshers?
And there is global concern over the supply of bukkake porn. And by global, I mean my desk.
Your bukkake should be OK…might glow in the dark though.
Beluga libel!
Guess they'll have to resort to that old standby, take-out Chinese.
Do they get that from the other side of the world too?
Yeah, but China is down-wind.
Gilbert Gottfried is that you?
Isn't there a part in the bible where Jesus uses one fish to make sushi for like a thousand people? All you Jews have to do is covert and the sashimi will flow like wine.
"24:42 And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of an honeycomb, and of a dynamite spicy special roll."
24:43 And verily they tempura fried everything four or five times, and did put hella weird cream sauce upon it, because American frat boys were there.
Fortunately Israel is here to shed some perspective on this senseless tragedy. Because before this? Meh…
Fish Libel !!
Hell Wonkette…do you like Arugula with your sushi too….so very liberal of you..
Susie shaves seven shieks' sheep seeking sushi shortage.
I'm sure that the Palestinians in Gaza are also concerned about this.
If they only had a savior who could stretch out the availabilty of the current inventory of fishes (loaves, also too).
Too bad the Maccabbees aren't there — they'd make the last bit of sushi last for eight days.
This week is Purim; who the fuck is making sushi hamantaschen?
Maybe, if Israel made Japan feel guilty enough, Japan would walk the extra few blocks to get the sushi and schlep it back.
Well, Israel's mother could probably do this.
In Japan, the tsumani delivered the raw fish right to people's doorsteps. So it was a big win for them.
It's just unfortunate their doorsteps aren't anywhere near their houses.
Barbara Bush, is that you?
I think it's Gilbert Gotfried.
Blinky is not amused.
Totoro is not amused either.
Nuclear Holocaust May Affect Distant Nation’s Sushi Supply
Well, as long as you're having a holocaust, might as well invite the Jews.
ftw.
And what about me? I've had to make do with old tentacle rape cartoons to fap to for the past week.
I know! You've seen 8,342, you've seen them all.
Thank you all for making me laugh out loud for the first time in two weeks.
Tsumani jokes, Nuclear Plume cloud jokes, now you through in the Jews. I'll pass….I need this job.
Here's a shortage I look forward to:
Anything that makes white princess children cry. Nail polish shortage, gas prices going up, irreducible muffin top, boyfriend a total dork… that kinda thing.
Sushi libel!
So what's wrong with a mutated fish. There's extra organs for the same price to slice and dice.
Time for Yeats now:
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
Thanks for the whole shepherd's pie this time, prommie. Just the one line at the other thread had me feeling awful peckish.
Well, look who's so fancy!
#jewishmother
He could have written, "Are we completely fecked yet?" and it would have done the job, but he's (1) Irish, so (2) probably garrulously drunk.
Hmmm – between St. Patrick's Day and the poor sushi-lovin Israelis, I'm cast back in time and remember going to O'Brienstein's in Richmond. Is that place still around?
I get it! He was using irony, slow thighs is metaphor for the tsunami that moves at near supersonic speeds.!? No?
Nah, "slow thighs" is a metaphor for Hillary Clinton.
Slow thighs and saddlebags.
He predicted Palin.
good to know israel doesn't have any other problems.
Hmm. Perhaps Israel *can't* use the local fish because, well, not so long ago they happened to bomb a power plant in southern Lebanon in retaliation for Hezbollah kidnapping two Israeli soldiers, causing a massive oil spill, the largest ecological disaster ever to hit the eastern Mediterranean. The moral of this story: either get your fish from somewhere nowhere near any kind of power plant, or make do with the canned rations in your emergency survival kit like the rest of us.
One is put to mind about rich California liberals wringing their hands over brutal, draconian crackdowns on illegal aliens, and its chilling effect on the ready supply of gardeners and maids.
And so to extend the analogy illegals would be the labor market version of Fugu, delicious but toxic?
Not just liberals – I like how a Texas state representative proposed a law that would have imposed heavy penalties on anyone who hires "illegal" aliens, but exempted hires for domestic help.
Traif!!!!!!!!!! My former Jewish girlfriend would only eat Sushi if it was well done.
"I took some sushi home one night and put it in the microwave. It tasted like fish!" (too obscure?)
rather than fresh sushi ,, she might prefer fresh "sausage" perhaps?
Is she no longer Jewish, or is she no longer your girlfriend?
Israel, Israel, Israel — always showing off with its capacity for empathy.
Not righteous!
There, I gave you an upfist and a reply, so that should help. Also, those are some priorities!
Baldar, by dint of your picture alone (although your comments are good as well), I'm going to do everything in my power to get you to 110.
Oy vey.
Or soy vey.
An excellent teriyaki sauce.
Oh, just cut up another Palestinian child and serve that with wasabi.
It's no picnic. And fucking IMPOSSIBLE to get to 111.
My food before someone else's suffering – what an American way to prioritize.
You've set the bar kind of low on your Bucket List.
Udon crossed the line.
What the whale…?
I'm sure John Bolton thinks that the sushi shortage is a good reason to bomb Iran.
Cheer up, Israel, a giant, if shrill, Alaska Roll is on its way (just make sure you have bendy straws or you'll have troubles you shouldn't know from).
It's on the way all right … see new post.
Does this make me an operative now and do I get a badge?
Badges? You don't need no …. aw I just can't do it.
Well, I'm not worried about a sushi-fail. In my office, it's March of Dimes Hot Dog and Nachos Day!
Of course, I'm in a remote/undisclosed location so no HDs or Ns for me.
Well, since when has Israel been worried about the perceptions of others?
Also, I guess Israel won't be considered as a replacement for AFLAC Duck voice talent Gilbert Gottfried, either.
Shinto Jews face a big dilemma.
Miso horny. Wait, what?
Oh, those soft Isrealites. My people had to live on canned smoked oysters in ketchup and lutefisk for seven months out of the year in the little town of Noiafdpnaor, Norway. And no Burger King. Now that's suffering. Yumpin' Yimminies!
I thought Arielle was our food editor?
Maybe they can freeze all those dead sardines off of Redondo beach and emergency airlift them to Israel. We can pay for that with our tax dollars instead of fixing our own infrastructure. Gotta keep our middle east neighborhood bully for hire happy.
Oh sure, with the stock markets up today — radio silence.
Sales of lead-lined Depends are driving the markets up. Shouldn't that be radioactive silence?
Larry Kudlow has the day off.
Oy vey! BFTJ! Just sayin'
Wouldn't Pacific Ocean fish be considered tref? Since the species aren't likely to be mentioned in the bible.
On his way out to stock up on sushi Obama visits Japanese Embassy; signs condolence book during unannounced stop.
True stuff – well at least the last part.
Nice enough, but hardly commander-in-chiefish.,
i did some research and i get it now. this is what they think Noah's Ark looked like:
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRpN1cFWS...
Why is this raw fish different from all other raw fish?
Those of us who toil in the banality of the Nineties envy your triple digits.
People eat sushi? I'm Asian and I find the stuff disgusting.
Cook your fish in cow urine with a side of shredded baby chicks like a civilized human being, people!
Just take the lox out of the bagels for a few months and pretend its sashimi. That and we can all stop pretending gefilte fish is edible.
50 Cent said, "Get P'd or die trying." Actually, wait, I think it was R. Kelly who said that….
"Priorities of Zion"
~snort~
Will the suffering never end?
No amount of pee is ever enough for you centurions. I've promised myself that once I reach 100, I will no longer crave pee. That's all I need. …and my thermos.
To look on the bright side, there is still plenty of shellfish and bacon.
Must be an antisemitic plot.
Quite soon, the media and governments
will be discredited in spectacular fashion
"Nuclear Holocaust May Affect Rich Nation’s Sushi Supply"
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