SURPRISE: U.S. Wants More Than Just a No-Fly Zone In Libya!

• Happy St. Patrick's Day! Let's celebrate by bombing Libya: "The U.S. ambassador to the U.N. raised the possibility of 'going beyond a no-fly zone,'" but didn't specify when the United States would save all the oil from oppression -- causing major blue balls in diplomatic circles. Remember two days ago when Barack Obama said he would wait and see if the Arab League supported a no-fly zone, before making a decision? Well ... they support it now! And that means America has a mandate from Geezus himself to bring Freedom/Halliburton to Libya. It's just like Eisenhower said it would be, in his fabled "farewell suckaz" address: "This country is ruled by war merchants. Also, in fifty years everyone will be fat and unemployed." [ CNN ]

• Japanese heroes are shooting water cannons at the exploding Fukushima reactors -- a last attempt to keep the world from ending. [ Fox News ]

• U.S. military robots killed 38 "suspected militants" (random brown people) in Pakistan. Also: U.S. government officials deny that they paid millions of dollars in blood money for the release of murderous CIA terrorist Raymond Davis. [ Reuters ]