Koch Bros. Creating Drone Army of Dumb Young Libertarians


Oh for fuck’s sake.

But is there still time to apply? And what are the requirements?

Required

* Solid understanding of free-market principles
* Commitment to limited government and the advancement of individual liberty
* Solid academic record
* 0-10 years of work experience
* Minimum of a bachelor’s degree
* Strong interest in learning MBM® in the non-profit setting

Related video

Watch these people closely, because they’re the ones you’ll have to lead to the gallows when the revolution comes. (The actual billionaires and millionaires will evacuate by private jet.) They’ve all got the “hair product” and talk like 70-year-old right-wing hedge-fund managers, even though they’re all about 20 and share a 1980s’ condo in Ballston. [YouTube/ThinkTanked via "Doug"]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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216 comments

        1. user-of-owls

          You are adding value to this thread with a holistic approach, complimenting our helicopter view, thus creating a win-win situation!

    1. Numbat_Dundee

      Did she consult with the stakeholders, or were they all Transylvanian peasants intent on ramming their staked into the heart of a Koch brother?

      1. jqheywood

        I don't believe the heart was where the stakes were aimed. They did, after all, call that famous Transylvanian "Vlad the Impaler"…

  1. memzilla

    You can hardly see the implants or the neck bolts. Da Kochs bought Max Factor? And how long do their batteries last before they need to be recharged with goat's blood?

      1. Roket54

        Thus, the perfect money laundering operation. Koch Bros donates to Koch Bros 501(c)3. And a good time was had by all soon follows.

        1. Negropolis

          Hey, it worked for Scientology, and they're total taints. I think you may be on to something, here…

          1. glamourdammerung

            They are allegedly a bunch of total taints. They are also allegedly very fond of litigation. Allegedly.

          2. Sparky_McGruff

            I' thinking that "Alleged Taints" would be a great name for a Ska/Punk cover band. Praise Xenu.

          3. horsedreamer_1

            As an Operating Thetan VIII, I take offense to that. But I would skank to it, also.

            Pick it up! Pick it up!

          4. Beowoof

            We have a local band in Rochester, named the Taint. One of the younger staff members at the local college had to explain to the olds why putting up lots flyers saying, "Come See The TAINT" was a bad idea.

          5. BaldarTFlagass

            I'm thinking "Holy Order of The Wonk." Tequila shooters instead of communion wine; chips and queso instead of wafers to represent the Flesh of Anna Marie Cox. Can't wait to get me some of that sweet sweet transubstantiation!!

          6. HistoriCat

            I'm willing to convert. Is there a ceremony or do I just announce my conversion to the world? When do we start abusing IRS regulations by politicizing everything in church?

          7. jqheywood

            Eeuuwh! Thanks for that mental picture. I will be scrubbing my mind for the rest of the morning

      1. glamourdammerung

        "Free market" and sucking at the government tit by avoiding taxes that everyone knows they should be paying.

        Sounds pretty Libertarian to me.

    1. Sophist [DDS,DD,DFH]

      "Not only was it authentic frontier glibertarian gibberish, it expressed the courage idiocy little too often seen in this day and age."

      Alternate movie reference: "Oh stewardess! I speak jive free-market bullshit."

    1. poncho_pilot

      dude does look genuinely excited about Market-based Management Thursdays. i can't say i blame him. it's very exciting shit. 8(

    2. Dashboard_Jesus

      Happy St. Paddy's Day everybody…top 'o the mornin' to ya, I'm gettin' an early start!

  2. Fukui_sanYesOta

    It's the Science of Liberty!(tm)

    Just learn that Market-Based-Management(R) and you too can get a job with "non-profit" corporate-funded fuckos like the Cato Institute and the AEI! Then, once you've done your stint shilling in the trenches, get yourself a fat six-figure salary at some huge fucking bastard corporation and fuck everyone else. For freedom.

    Almost the most sickening thing was that bird telling how even if you don't have a background in "econ", it's helpful to at least know a little in order to argue for the ideas that you're being told to argue for.

    Ugh, ugh, ugh. More wine.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      I hear ya Fukyu, lookin' at the bottom of the bottle myself…and I hate these whiny little bastard children with the heat of a thousand suns!

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        The only consolation to take away is that these entitled fuckers with their almost entirely selfish motives really do have no fucking idea how vicious it is in the circles they want to try to move in. Ninety percent of these people will get fucked and end up at forty wondering where on earth it went wrong.

        Of course, it's impossible to tell them now, because in their minds they're all John or Jane Galt.

        1. SilverFox

          Well when they hit 40, and they realize their "non-profit" careers of repackaging corporatist propaganda haven't amounted to shit, they'll just blame poors, teachers, nurses, police officers, anyone who has sought and achieved a meaningful life path for somehow being entitled. Kind of like now. It's the circle of life.

      1. Negropolis

        He didn't make that up. The woman at 50 seconds in actually uses that shit terminology. I wish it was a joke.

        1. gef05

          <head explodes>

          Edit: I did skip through to listen to various small parts, but I missed that. I was going to go back and listen to it but it's too too depressing.

          1. Fukui_sanYesOta

            It's frightening. She's so young that it feels like it's "Friedman-Fever".

            The guy at 3:10 has a face you could never tire of punching.

  3. Dashboard_Jesus

    personally I wouldn't trust any Koch-sucking douchebag named 'Logan' to manage my multi-billion $$$$ conservatard 'non-profit' corporation…srsly, I've never seen such a pathetic group of privileged, white fratboys/girls since college, and I hate these assholes more now than I did then (of course I was doing a lot more drugs in those days!) oh, and not ONE of them even mentions the Jesus, WTF?

    1. BarryOPotter

      Dearth of non-profit managers? Maybe in Kock Industries circles, since everyone knows where the money is – in amongst the for-profit business lines. This must be the place you find jobs for the shit-tastic kids of your despised-but-useful relatives.

      "Yes, Whimsy. Have Logan send his resume. I think I have a position for him that will allow him to really make a difference while [wasting time] learning MBM [instead of actually working or going for an MBfuckingA]. No, Whims dear, that does not mean 'Monthly Bowel Movements' you drunk whore – oh, you know I mean that affectionately…"

      It's like I'm projecting or something…

      1. BerkeleyBear

        What's really sad to me is that this attitude is just further going to devalue the image of people who work in the non-profit sector. Those folks will tell you that the worst managers are invariably the ones who think you can run a charity like its a business, despite the fact that the former has to be mission and not profit or market oriented to work.

        No snark – you've never seen fucked up until you see someone trying to run a nursing home or soup kitchen like a for profit enterprise (not that these assholes would see any upside in that sort of work).

        1. Beowoof

          Whenever I hear these douchebags carry on about how you should run government like a business I cringe. I also ask them which model we should follow: Enron, Worldcom, Adelphia, etc. That usually shuts them the fuck up.

          1. BarryOPotter

            Those are usually the same assholes too incompetent and ill-equipped to run a business or any part of government.

  4. poncho_pilot

    the Tyrell Corporation's new Nexus 6 models are pretty convincing. but this means we'll have to train more people on the Voight-Kampff machine if they start killing their masters and escaping to Earth.

        1. Extemporanus

          Meesa just very, very okee-day dat yousa not use da maxi-big scary "Drone Army" headline forsa to spake likesa Jar-Jar Binks.

    1. doloras

      But is the Voight-Kampff machine supposed to test if I'm a replicant or a lesbian? Because it keeps saying "yes" on both and now I'm confused.

      1. poncho_pilot

        just answer the questions, please. you're watching Ellen and a guest is wearing a leather coat…

    2. schvitzatura

      The closest these simple tools will get to seeing attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion is on Netflix.

      Time to die…

      1. poncho_pilot

        but they can imagine it when they're rolling a D20 around on their lunch breaks. if they had imaginations :(

      2. poncho_pilot

        actually, that sounds like a euphemistic way of saying they couldn't get laid if they paid for it.

        1. schvitzatura

          Even the Junior Ayn Rand chicas? I bet they are super-fly, with their tramp stampage and brazilian waxed vag…during their off-time from being members of an elite not-for-profit, off-world kick murder squad.

          1. poncho_pilot

            that's the worst/best tv show idea ever.

            seriously though, would you want to have to sign a contract to lock parts with a member of the junior anti-sex league? they're just going to turn you in after it's over.

    3. WriteyWriterton

      I don't know what they're dreaming about, but my androids are screaming in their sleep. This can't be good.

    1. glamourdammerung

      I kind of have to disagree. If only because at least neo-nazis are more logically consistent than Libertarians (have to keep remembering to capitalize the names of religions).

    2. BarryOPotter

      Well, there was that one black lady in the recruiting video, but I don't think she's "like the others"…

  5. Negropolis

    blah, blah, blah, freedom. blah, blah, blah, science. blah, blah, blah, add value.

    So, this is just a conservative brainwashing/re-education outfit/scheme, right? The banality of evil, indeed.

    The Koch Bros. have reworked the formula of their drug, because obviously, the point is to make the Koch-whores seem as reasonable and lucid as possible, instead of hyperactive meth addicts.

    "Charity" and "non-profit" doesn't mean shit, anymore, apparently.

    1. BarryOPotter

      The people who dreamed up "Market Based Management"(TM) principles are the same ones for whom the fucking wheel is just not god damned round enough.

      1. Negropolis

        It's why I hate these guys, so much. Not only are they not adding value, they are taking it away.

    2. LesBontemps

      "Charity" and "non-profit" doesn't mean shit, anymore, apparently.

      Yes they do; they mean "tax exempt."

  6. straighteight

    Sweet merciful fuck, look at those pale homunculi. A cube-farm full of carbon copies of those two bickering weasels in that C-SPAN video that made everyone sad and nauseous.

    Of course, these basement-dwellers went right from college to the beginning of a life-long career on wingnut welfare, which is far better than I've done since I graduated with what I assume is an equally impractical degree. I'm probably the same age as some of these people and yet I couldn't feel more distant. On the plus side, I do a lot of volunteer work for less fortunate people and animals, and I'd like to think I have a strong sense of ethics and a commitment to being the least selfish I can be in this vulgar country. So maybe it all works out.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      teehee, you said 'pale homunculi'…I don't even know what that means but it made me snort Guinness out my nose…

    2. PhilippePetain

      Yeah, Pale Homonculi is basically the best Psychedelic and name this side of the 13th Floor Elevators.

    1. Beowoof

      Its the special Palin/Bachman training they are receiving that lets them accomplish this feat.

  7. arihaya

    i have no problem with dumb, young libertarians ,,, especially the pretty one,, you know what i mean

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Look, a new right-wing networking program for people who thought Regent Law School was too hard. And a fresh crop of idealistic young idiots to blow tomorrow's Newt Gingriches. Or even today's for that matter.

  9. bflrtsplk

    Well, at least there's one "person of color" in 4:22 of nonsense. At 2:13, the blond looks to be typing the umpteenth reply to her stalker ex-boyfriend. That's all I can find.

  10. Extemporanus

    "Oh, and remember: Next Friday is 'Purple-Shirted Thug Day'.

    So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a purple shirt and jeans."

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      "Sooo, Logan, how's it going? Yeeeeaaaahh, I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday. Oh, ah, I almost forgot…I'm also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too. We, uhhh, discovered a new trove of poor people this week and we sorta need to play whack-a-prole. Mmmmmkay? Thaaaaaanks."

  11. Negropolis

    One thing I'll give them credit for: They've done a helluva job hiding their lobotomy scars. Though, maybe they just do it the ancient Egyptian way, you know, through the nose. Then you don't have to worry about unsightly cranial scars.

  12. mavenmaven

    And what are the requirements?
    from this video, the 2 requirements are:
    1. frequent usage of the filler "uh"
    2. cleavage

    1. superdave

      Damn you! Enticing me to watch the video with cleavage! Too much douchebaggery, not enough cleavage.

  13. bumfug

    Holy Jesus, is Tru TV holding open auditions or has the nuclear waste from Japan just scooted over here way quicker than we feared?

  14. Seven0f9

    Everything about this is nauseating –the phony optimism of the soundtrack; the trite, empty, and cliche expressions; the pasty, doughy faces…

    I never could work in an office like you see these people in. I could never stand those over air conditioned, windowless structures. I always feel myself tense up. That's the way I see people like that–tense. They probably feel that way too, but they don't have sense enough to get out.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      The MBM doctrine:

      These people should mine coal for you eight hours a day in order to earn a bowl of watery turnip soup. That's the free-market way, my friend.

      1. BarryOPotter

        A-f'ing-men. Earn to appreciate it. These are the types that will never learn how to assess a situation from a viewpoint different from their own narrow one, or realize just how useful that skill is when the time comes to fuck over some ignorant 'free-market libertarian.' So, I'm cool with this…

    2. Negropolis

      Exactly. These are parasites. They'll do anything to suck funds out of a system to transfer to their overlords whilst the overlords flick pennies at them in their general direction. What a bunch of whores.

  15. Fare la Nippon

    Boy oh boy! Conformity never looked so damn cool!

    These are the kids who grow up dreaming of becoming accountants.

    1. Negropolis

      If by "cool" you mean "early 90's pyramid scheme" then yes, this is "cool." Damn "cool."

    2. Oblios_Cap

      You know the difference between Accountants and Actuaries?

      An Accountant will look at your shoes when they're talking to you.

  16. pinkocommi

    Q: Why do libertarians wear neckties?

    A: It keeps their foreskin from riding up over their head.

    Thank you. Thank you. I'm here all night….

  17. Dr_pangloss

    All the colors of the rainbow, from eggshell to ruddy pink.

    Why do these folks sound more like cult members than business people?

    The Liberty Movement? Ugghhh….

  18. neiltheblaze

    The Kochs set up a big-ass cancer institute at MIT – but personally I think it's a big front to disguise their real work on their patent-pending death ray that will only kill liberals.

    But then I see this video and realize these dead-eyed boneheads couldn't organize lunch. If that's the level of the opposition, they can obviously be fully re-programmed in the FEMA camps.

    1. glamourdammerung

      One of the Kochs has prostate cancer.

      Though I think that my opinion that they are merely wanting to patent treatments for the cancers they are responsible for giving folks in some kind of ultimate expression of unfettered capitalism is correct as well.

        1. glamourdammerung

          Note I did not say that there was no death ray.

          Though I think they would be more likely to use one of their "non profit" scam groups to work on it. And it would have to have an apt name like "The Not Working on a Serf Killing Death Rays for Freedom Foundation" .

      1. WriteyWriterton

        Unfettered capitalism would not include a patent system. Fettered capitalism, on the other hand, lurves patents.

        Not voting for former, just saying it's system where everyone can exploit anything – economic Darwinism.

    2. mumbly_[redacted]

      There is the thing where one of the Kochs does have cancer, but also something to keep in mind is something very simple that I learned way back when I temped at a Trusts and Estates law firm for a few months, which was this:

      Philanthropy,
      a) comes with a whole host of perks for being a significant donor, even in organizations that like to pretend that it doesn't, but especially when it comes to arts patronage, and
      b) is mostly strategic and aimed at minimizing the patron's tax burden, full stop.

      Needless to say, I was much relieved when I left that job and started a new one doing something far more worthy than helping the super-rich keep as much of their money as possible.

    3. Gorillionaire

      Why did they have to set up a cancer center? Isn't the awesome free market American health care system supposed to do this on its own, because cancer is so marketable and shit?

  19. mumbly_[redacted]

    And yet, financing political efforts to use force of law to dissolve unions or restrict their operation is neither free market nor limited government, as particularly evidenced by the fact that people keen on union-busting often couch it in terms of "non-discrimination", whilst also opposing actual non-discrimination efforts elsewhere as anti-free-market.

    Seriously, who do we not call out people who use these words to mean "things that make people with money happy" and thus include some of the most egregious examples of corporate welfare and use of the tax code to influence behavior? We really need to stop letting people pretend that "right wing" is automatically "limited government", by default.

    Oh, yeah: even more hilarious, one of the latest trolls/sockpuppets/serial downfisters who's following us all? "UnionsRStreetGangs"? Has a profile that says, "Boycott union products and services whenever possible. Unions internalize all profit and externalize all costs." Yeah, wow, that only describes every business ever. Why does he hate business?

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        It's jaw-dropping inanity.

        There's an argument that shareholder-owned companies don't purely internalize profit, but that's specious and probably over our friend's head. It's a board decision / shareholder meeting to decide dividend.

        No, I think Pointy-head McBreitbart is actually Joe the Plumber.

    1. glamourdammerung

      Oh, yeah: even more hilarious, one of the latest trolls/sockpuppets/serial downfisters who's following us all? "UnionsRStreetGangs"?

      That is the same serially trolling clown that claimed Gifford's shooting was arranged by Democrats to make teabagging nutjobs look bad. They just changed their display name.

      And when Exxon-Mobile, the world's most profitable corporation, pays zero federal taxes, I would say there is some externalizing costs going on. And it is not being done by those evil unions.

  20. x111e7thst

    Is it better to be a right wing billionaire's whore in the air-conditioned comfort of a charitable foundation than to suck cock for between $5 and $15 in a truck-stop bathroom? The jury is still out..

    1. BerkeleyBear

      You can shower off later at a truck stop – when you whore your soul to the uber rich, the taint never washes off (since it is largely made of non water based lube and Santorum).

    2. Ducksworthy

      Morally the truck stop job is superior, orthopedically they're equivalent. Both hard on the knees.

  21. freakishlywrong

    These poor culties are more disillusioned than Scientologists. Time to break out the L-meter.

  22. BaldarTFlagass

    "What's wrong with having it good for a change? Now they're gonna let us have it good if we just help 'em. They're gonna leave us alone, let us make some money. You can have a little taste of that good life too. Now, I know you want it. Hell, everybody does."

    "You'd do it to your own kind."

    "What's the threat? We all sell out every day, might as well be on the winning team."

  23. Bluestatelibel

    The Cock brothers have done a great job of making robots look and talk like humans, almost fooled me.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      The T-X has an endoskeleton with built-in weaponry, a liquid metal exterior similar to the T-1000, and the ability to control other machines.

  24. Poindexter718

    Some of those young, doe-eyed kochettes are smokin' hawt!
    This video has gotten me all Ayn Randy!

  25. powersuit

    Maybe Daddy will finally be proud of them now! Hopefully they can keep their allowance!

    Also, whaddya bet the "instructors" are totally resentful that the Kochs aren't letting more of their billions "trickle down" into their salaries?

  26. GregComlish

    By their own reasoning, nobody with a ideological Solid understanding of free-market principles would ever express a Strong interest in learning MBM® in the non-profit setting. Idiots.

  27. Oblios_Cap

    The Atlas Ecomonic Research Institute. Shrug~

    Having a degree in Econ, my take is that classical economic theory is basically a bunch of bullshit. That's what you get when you start with shit assumptions and ignore anything that doesn't support your ideology. Chicago School, I'm especially talking about you.

    1. Ducksworthy

      A hearty upfist for that sentiment. Even economists who start our as decent human beings get twisted by repeated exposure to idiotic theories.

    2. mumbly_[redacted]

      Honestly, I think the classical model offered some interesting small bits of nuance and refinement to Keynsianism, just as relativity added some nuance and corrections to Newtonian mechanics. The problem comes when theory becomes divorced from evidence entirely and you start misapplying the model and arguing that most real-life mechanics problems aren't basically Newtonian.

      Honestly, though, this stuff is more Austrian-school of "economics"/"real business cycle" crap than even Chicago-school. I'm seeing a lot more Hayek and Mises here than Friedman and Ricardo, frankly.

    3. One_Man_Band

      And you gotta love how the current economic meltdown has done absolutely nothing to cause economists to re-evaluate the theories they champion. It's like it never happened. Hey, no need to let reality intrude upon our unproven, untested, or wholly discredited theories.

      1. mumbly_[redacted]

        Clearly the massive unemployment proves that inflation might be a problem in the future, someday, maybe! Better not do anything about unemployment and lack of demand, then!

        Also, it's foolish to turn on the heat in January, because eventually, it will be summertime, and you'll feel *foolish* for heating your home, just because of the actual temperature it was, at the time. Or you'll freeze to death. You know, either/or.

    4. lulzmonger

      UNPOSSIBLE! Rumors that the Earth's diameter is not infinite are merely speculative externalities with no real relevance to our long-term growth outlook!

  28. Ruhe

    Arrianne Massey looks like a young Steven Tyler. Is that snark? Is that a take that doesn't suck?

  29. horsedreamer_1

    No more than ten years work experience, please. So you won't have figured out how the world really works.

  30. Chicken Beaver

    So what skills do these people have to make an upside-down mortgage go away for potential customers?

  31. mereoblivion

    Shysters don't even say how long I'd have to work as an unpaid intern. In my case, also unlaid. (Sorta like Monica L: she was an unlaid intern, if you wanna get technical.)

  32. PublicLuxury

    Massey? Did her dad kill gobs of unsuspecting miners while practicing the deregulation of safety concerns in mines?

    Da Bitch

  33. genxr

    Ladies and gentlemen, the future leader of Greenpeace. Save the whales, in a market-based way.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Blonde wife of a creepy director better watch out, then.

      Diane Sawyer, they're coming for you. The Koch Family will get you.

  34. MilwaukeeKent

    Simple-minded white males of my class like to size up everyone they meet with a metric of "Can I take this guy in a fight?" — it's right up there with thinking you need to drive an F150 (with truck nutz) to be a"real man".

    I hate that corollary, but applying it here? These folks? No Problemoooo….

  35. loulouroo

    The Whitest People You Don't Wanna Know have a "charity" for billionaires because it's HARD out there for a pimp! Koch whores in cubicles.

  36. phlox✔

    Surely there'a better way to make money than being a coke dealer associate. That said, shouldn't these droning drones have a bit more energy?

  37. lulzmonger

    Arianne looks like a former Andy if you ask me. Also, good to see that being a Moonie never really goes out of style.

    Let's see: get a non-degree working for a non-profit so you can get a non-paying non-job. Good move, kids! The thought of these Titans Of Industry ten or so years from now, desperately trying to sell styrofoam lawn-gnomes, edible panties & novelty dog-vomit online, warms my inky cinder of a heart to no end.

  38. Wsayscoupgood

    Well ridicule these geeks if you must and I don't disagree but these are the people being groomed for the future by the folks who have money. Unless we find similar financial support for a leftist point of view and create similar "think tanks" these clowns are the future Walkers of the world and just as we are now seeing the results of the reagan era showing up as members of congress in the future these animatrons will be carrying on the tradition of screwing the working class (if there is working class left we may have devolved to slave/indentured servant society once again in a few years time). So bottom line is this unless we reply to these geeks forcefully the sheeple who are now being led around by the limbaughs and hannitys will have a new crop of brainwashers who will lie the next generation down a road to desperation where the only out is ……well working for the Kochheads!

  39. SilverFox

    Do you think they are aware that "non-profits," generally speaking, help people or a cause that are in need of it, not shill for corporatist scumbags under the guise of a public policy think tank? Anyone? Nah I didn't think so either.

Comments are closed.