WELCOME BACK CRAZY!  5:44 pm March 16, 2011

Beloved Nevada Dingbat Sharron Angle Running For Congress!!!

by Ken Layne

Just get out of our kitchen, Sharron. You're scaring the coffee.It’s not all bad news (or good news) today! Crazy second-amendment-remedy granny Sharron Angle has a new YouTube posted on the YouTube! And that is simply … weird? Comforting? Baffling? Let’s go with “comforting,” because when radiation rains down upon the American West this weekend, and kills everyone, we can at least know that some things stayed the same right up until the very end. Plus, Sharron Angle is probably evidence of nuclear fallout not totally killing you. She’s alive, right? Damaged and crazy, but still technically alive. Until the Japanese Fallout arrives, anyway ….

She’s apparently running for Congress. Doesn’t say for which district, but the NYT presumes she means “Nevada’s Second District, which is being vacated by Representative Dean Heller, who narrowly defeated her in a 2006 run for the position. Mr. Heller is now running for the Senate seat left open by John Ensign, the embattled senator who recently announced that he will not run again.” And also she will cause a “messy primary,” and then a Democrat will win this House seat long held by Republicans. Second amendment solutions!

Preach it, Sharron! Tell it to us old-school, because you are apparently an old school teacher:

What’s in her coffee mug? Crazy Juice, we bet. Delicious crazy juice. Gah! [Sharron Angle/New York Times]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 231 comments }

CrankyLttlCamperette March 16, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Anyone NOT see this one coming?

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 16, 2011 at 6:05 pm

We just have to wait for Xtine's announcement next.

jus_wonderin March 16, 2011 at 5:48 pm

What was this cunt doing during the GWB years?

Texan_Bulldog March 16, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Inhaling Liquid White Paper?

FraAnima March 16, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Accommodating a huge pink dildo while dreaming of W ushering in the Rapture riding a huge white stallion.

poncho_pilot March 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm

don't say that like it's a bad thing…um. yes.

zhubajie March 16, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Very likely true!

idrobny March 16, 2011 at 5:57 pm

she was having cosmetic surgery on her face. does't she look better now?

bflrtsplk March 16, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Why, she was being a cunt, of course.

Negropolis March 16, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Huffing Clorox Color-Safe Bleach in the garage of her suburban tract home.

Jukesgrrl March 17, 2011 at 12:12 am

TEACHING impressionable college freshmen how to "think."

SmutBoffin March 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I like my crazy juice* with gin or vodka.

*Now with 20% more schizophrenia!

DownFist Troll March 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Her campaign strategery will focus on courting the Latinos-who-look-Chinese vote.

BarackMyWorld March 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I got through about 20 seconds of it before wondering why conservatives put things in their advertisements that make you think they are running for office to get the government to help people, when their entire platform is against using the government to help people.

SmutBoffin March 16, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Lizard people don't have the human weakness called 'consistency'. BEWARE WARMBLOODS WE ARE COMING FOR YOU AND YOUR ELECTED POSITIONS

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm

You mean ads by conservatives that say "We need to reduce government. Please vote and put me in government."?

BarackMyWorld March 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Or "Here's a bunch of problems we face…now vote for me so I can cut the programs that help these problems."

genxr March 16, 2011 at 6:51 pm

"Government can't do anything right. That's why I'm perfect for the job."

OhNoGuy March 16, 2011 at 10:23 pm

There, you got it right. And perfect is as perfect do's.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 10:57 pm

I am always fascinated that republicans want to run for office in the government they hate so much. When giving it some minor thought, it really means they want power for their own benefit, not that of the people.

horsedreamer_1 March 17, 2011 at 8:49 am

But they are helping people: them. A government job gets them a steady pay-check, health insurance, & many kick-backs from lobbyists & other sycophants. & with our country's incumbent retention rate &/or voter incompetence, the job is pretty much guaranteed for at least a decade (which is more than enough time to create a Mubarakian mini-fortune).

JohnyEdge March 17, 2011 at 11:26 am

I made 16 seconds! That's a new world record for me for watching videos made by the crazies!

undeterredbyreality March 16, 2011 at 5:50 pm

This is where this comment goes!

Old Female Elephants Make the Best Leaders: http://news.sciencemag.org/sciencenow/2011/03/vid

Noooo!!!!

poncho_pilot March 16, 2011 at 7:00 pm

and this is why we will send our elderly out in the wilderness to be eaten by wolves.
"you've had a good go of things, granny. no hard feelings, ok?"

i_like_tigers March 16, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Well, she's got MY vote!!!

TrollsRUnion March 16, 2011 at 7:41 pm

I know! That one black guy she kept showing looks scary.

horsedreamer_1 March 17, 2011 at 8:50 am

Mine too. But I don't live in Nevada. So — VOTER FRAUD! Ay-yi ay-yi ay-yi!

(But since this would be voter fraud favourable to Republicans, expect FOX News to give it, oh, about 32 seconds of play.)

SudsMcKenzie March 16, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Yeah!, Crazy Cat Lady has reloaded!

V572625694 March 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Your comment unfairly denigrates cats. They are soulless killers, but they're not crazy.

Well sometimes they are, but it's kinda cute. Unlike Angle. What's going on with her hair?

Extemporanus March 16, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Seriously. That new 'do makes Sharron Angle look even more catty.

[ADDING: Ken, can that be her new Wonkette headshot, purrrty pleeease?]

SudsMcKenzie March 16, 2011 at 6:32 pm

She reminds me of "crazy cat lady" on the Simpson's.
… oh and Fuck Cats

TrollsRUnion March 16, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Disparage cats at your own risk. They'll suck the breath outta you while you sleep for revenge. Sweet, cuddly revenge!

Negropolis March 16, 2011 at 10:11 pm

And, they'll eat you when you're deceased.

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:38 am

And they sleep on your face. Or so says Joe Heller (RIP).

FraAnima March 16, 2011 at 5:52 pm

She has the whitest crazy smile teeth that the Koch brothers have ever come across.

undeterredbyreality March 16, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Put them with Bachmann's eyes, Palin's tattooed lips and O'Donnell's virgin bush (and I mean the bush, not what it's hiding) and what have you got?

FraAnima March 16, 2011 at 6:01 pm

The main character in the next George Romero movie?

jus_wonderin March 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm

I am frightened.

EatsBabyDingos March 16, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Totoro has white teeth, too, also.

FraAnima March 16, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Totoro weeps for his irradiated country.

JoshuaNorton March 16, 2011 at 5:53 pm

History shows us again and again,
that wingnuts are not the brightest of men.

Crazy-off!! Go, go Wingnuttia!

The_Great_Gazoo March 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm

It's FOUR Loko in the cup, Ken. Green Apple.

hagajim March 16, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I think its Four Loko (or maybe just Loco) in the ad itself.

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm

"That's why, today, from my apartment's kitchen, in this used bathrobe from Goodwill, and drinking out of a cup that clearly does not say "World's Greatest Grandma", I am announcing that I'd like more of my own ass handed to me again. I need your help."

fuflans March 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm

don't you forget those fancy mushroom-adorned canisters. those were tots awesome in 1973.

starfanglednut March 16, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Do you think they're full of magic mushrooms? Cuz that would explain a lot.

OhNoGuy March 16, 2011 at 10:27 pm

You are so mean, thank you.

edgydrifter March 16, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I see Sharrrron has been spending a lot of time indoors/bleaching the shit out of her leathery hide to comfort her core demographic. They sure as hell aren't going to vote for some Mexicasian or whatever those people are.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 16, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Islams.

neiltheblaze March 16, 2011 at 9:01 pm

They look like Asians to me.

The_Great_Gazoo March 16, 2011 at 5:57 pm

BTW, Chris Matthews, who is a dick but one that I like, has coined a cute term for Sharron Angle and her ilk: Full-Mooners.

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 6:14 pm

I have also heard "partial birthers" once, but I don't know who coined it.

BaldarTFlagass March 16, 2011 at 6:21 pm

I personally will stick with my personal all time favorite descriptor, which Chris probably wouldn't be able to get away with using, which is flaming asshole. It's also a drink, and if you search "Dance of the Flaming Assholes" on YouTube you'll get an interesting perspective on our troops' creativity in finding ways to relieve stress in the desert.

The_Great_Gazoo March 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Hahaha. But, can you get flaming asshole in a can?

BaldarTFlagass March 16, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Hellz yeah, I bet we can! I mean, we can send Buzz Aldrin to the Moon, and build power plants that harness the energy of the atom, so why not?!?

The_Great_Gazoo March 16, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Does it taste better when packed in oil, or water?

Boredw/Gravitas March 16, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Thank goodness the teabaggers have provided such great entertainment for the end of dayz. Bachman, Palin and Angle do not disappoint.

bitchincamaro2 March 16, 2011 at 5:59 pm

She couldn't even be bothered to hide the 'shroom canisters for this epic production. That is fucking crazy.

SayItWithWookies March 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm

With the fabled aminita muscarita prominently and shamelessly displayed, too. Personally I think she's on a crusade to wreck the reputation of the magic mushroom.

Jukesgrrl March 17, 2011 at 12:19 am

Similar ones are probably owned by most of her core demographic. What looks idiotic to you and me was no doubt crafted carefully by some Rover-clone, who fell hard for Sharron the minute he heard that speech about turning fetuses into lemonade.

Texan_Bulldog March 16, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Someone needs to tell Sherron that if you're going to be batshit crazy, you need to be better looking than a bowling ball with hair. RWers only like the crazee if they can imagine sleeping with you (ergo the success of Michelle B. and Snowbilly).

aqua_buddha March 16, 2011 at 8:11 pm

& your St Patty's day sweetheart, Christine ODonnell.
Sláinte, pagans. Bring out yer snakes.

Juan_Oriley March 17, 2011 at 1:34 am

Could anyone imagine sleeping with Michelle B? Damn, I'm actually from Stillwater, MN(homebase of Mrs. Crazy). I remember being represented by some nice Polish guy named Sikorski who's brother did magic shows at our elementary school. I went into my teenage haze, fucked my life up, joined the navy, blah blah. Come back to realize my hometown is represented by some kook hiding in bushes spying on the gays who gets elected to congress and now she's everywhere. Oh well, I like to think of myself of one of the 312 who put Al Franken in office before I bolted to California but poor poor Stillwater, I do miss that town.

horsedreamer_1 March 17, 2011 at 8:52 am

Show us on the doll where the brother touched you.

Juan_Oriley March 17, 2011 at 10:19 am

There were rumors, magicians are creepy.

Come here a minute March 16, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I'll support Sharrrrron, as long as she's got more like this: "So that’s what we want is a secure and sovereign nation and, you know, I don’t know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me. I don’t know that."

V572625694 March 16, 2011 at 6:04 pm

"And that one over there, what are you, a Jew-boy? And looky here, another Chinaman!"

BaldarTFlagass March 16, 2011 at 6:24 pm

"Are there any queers in the theatre tonight?
Get 'em up against the wall. — 'Gainst the wall!
And that one in the spotlight, he don't look right to me.
Get him up against the wall. — 'Gainst the wall!
And that one looks Jewish, and that one's a coon.
Who let all this riffraff into the room?
There's one smoking a joint, and another with spots!
If I had my way I'd have all of ya shot."

genxr March 16, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Or from Luther Wright and the Wrongs

Are there any deer in the theater tonight
Get them up against the wall
There's one in my headlights he don't look right to me
Get him up against the wall
And that one looks squirrely, and there's a racoon!
Who let all this wildlife into the room?

onemoretime79 March 16, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Quote from speech Angle made, to high school students. Largely composed of native (ie diverse) Las Vegans. Epic FAIL, thanks for the reminder she said it.

Jukesgrrl March 17, 2011 at 12:23 am

You mean one of them Asiatics who's takin up a space in college that should be reserved for one of our white boys when he should be in Japan gettin' all irradiated 'n that?

Mumbletypeg March 16, 2011 at 6:00 pm

I don't remember the dark shade of red lipstick, from before. Which is probably why I didn't notice the Fred Gwynne overtones, like I do now.

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 7:05 pm

I was thinking she more resembles Martha Raye — who I hear is no longer headlining.

lochnessmonster March 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm

What's the angle for her platform?

WhatTheHeck March 16, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Obtuse thinking got her this far and she's acutely aware of that.

Negropolis March 17, 2011 at 1:10 am

Damn. Beat me by, oh, 5 hours.

Lascauxcaveman March 17, 2011 at 12:38 am

She runs parallel to the far right.

Negropolis March 17, 2011 at 1:09 am

Obtuse.

V572625694 March 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Yet another mistake by the founding fathers. No way those crazy desert rats' votes should count as much as real Americans.

lefty74 March 16, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Damn if she isn't like my old pooch. That damn dog wasn't happy unless he found something really smelly to roll in. That dog had pecker gnats with more political savvy than this one!

DashboardBuddha March 16, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Oh oh oh Sharon

ShaveTheWhales March 16, 2011 at 7:44 pm

You wanna WHAT?

DashboardBuddha March 16, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Lol…DB is one of my faves.

jus_wonderin March 16, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Wouldn't glasses make her look smarter??

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:01 pm

They may make her look smarter, but actually smarter no, nothing can do that.

Negropolis March 17, 2011 at 1:04 am

No, she'd just like the old gadfly who regularly attends your local city council meeting to bitch about the racoons digging up her garden in the backyard.

mourningnmerica March 16, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Thank you God. I was starting to panic, what with Wonkette declaring Sarah Palin officially over earlier today. I just didn't know if Michele was going to be enough. Sharon Angle is simply an uglier, slower witted, more hateful Sarah Palin. Riley and Ken and all of us should be down on our knees thanking Jehovah for this blessed gift.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Not just slow witted, but slow of foot, because she has hard time out running reporters with questions.

Weenus299 March 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm

The mushrooms on that cookie jar indicate that it's not a cookie jar.

MarcelleMarceau March 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I simply can't wait for the soft-focus ad on the teevee:

"I'm not a bitch. I'm just you like."

Redhead March 16, 2011 at 7:27 pm

I think you mean, "I'm not a MESSICAN. I'm a bitch, just like you."

Negropolis March 16, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Ha!

el_donaldo March 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm

That's an I-torture-helpless-farm-animals-when-you're-not-looking grin if I ever saw one.

Not_So_Much March 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm

This is good news for Michelle Bachmann. Crazy Eyes in congress will become the new status symbol.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm

It's kinda' how a pretty-ish girl has ugly friends to make her look nicer.

mourningnmerica March 16, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Michele is now the "centrist" Republican candidate. It's all relative.

CliveWarren March 16, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Are you my caucasian?

Tundra Grifter March 16, 2011 at 6:09 pm

She's going to have to pass that cup quite a few times to raise enough money to run a decent campaign.

Walkinwiddaking March 16, 2011 at 6:10 pm

She talks about getting back to a government of personal responsibility. Does that mean when you run for public office you don't run away from the press?

Boojum_Reborn March 16, 2011 at 6:21 pm

No. What a stupid question. Personal responsibility is when you cut taxes for yourself so that the country can go bankrupt and starve poor people.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:04 pm

That will give them poors the motivation to get a job. Or with all the guns they have, stick up Sharon and others of her ilk.

Boojum_Reborn March 17, 2011 at 6:23 am

That's taking the initiative!

CliveWarren March 16, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Well you can't spell Sharron Angle without "Along she ran (R)."
Or without "Her anal song (R)," for that matter…

Rotundo_ March 16, 2011 at 6:10 pm

The nutcase will probably win this time and they'll put her in charge of immigration policy in the senate, wherever that resides. They can put her natural frothiness to good use stirring up the base. We are so truly fucked. At least there will be some unintentionally funny moments with this one.

mourningnmerica March 16, 2011 at 6:12 pm

She looks a little like a downy in the 2nd picture. And those stubby little paws. What are those fingers, about an inch and a half long? What a fucking roach.

BaldarTFlagass March 16, 2011 at 6:33 pm

She should try and bite her toenails instead of her fingernails.

bumfug March 16, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Why can't the totally loony ones ever spell their names right? Sarah did, but she's just a two-bit grifter – Michele "One-L" Bachmann and Sharrrrron are flat out nuts.

hagajim March 16, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Good to see that $14 million in teabagger money can buy some bad grill work….good God look at that mug! The mug of a pug.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:06 pm

The poor pug insulted again.

Hatrabbit March 16, 2011 at 6:14 pm

I love those folksy orange mushrooms on her kitchen bullet jars.

BaldarTFlagass March 16, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Look like amanita muscaria to me.

mourningnmerica March 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm

The runt is cunning.

Negropolis March 16, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Ha! I see what you did there…

donner_froh March 16, 2011 at 6:18 pm

"Sharron Angle is probably evidence of nuclear fallout not totally killing you."

Since 99% of Nevada has been irradiated to just short of lethal levels during nuclear bomb tests in the 1950s she will probably live forever.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:07 pm

I don't know that tumor where her brain used to be could have a detrimental effect on her health.

OneYieldRegular March 16, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Anyone irresponsible enough to advocate "second amendment remedies" in the present political context should be in prison or at the very least performing penance by giving all her worldly goods to support gunshot victims – not running for Congress or, for that matter, idly sipping coffee in a bathrobe in her kitchen.

Boojum_Reborn March 16, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Sharrrrron Angle is the Mother from Psycho. Crazy corpse lady inna wheelchair played by her serial killer son.

aqua_buddha March 16, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Or maybe, the mother in Carrie.

"Say it, Carrie. Say it."
"Eve was weak, momma, Eve was weak."

Jim89048 March 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm

This one used to be on the Board of Education in my county, which has produced such scholars as: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20039396-5

neiltheblaze March 16, 2011 at 9:16 pm

They're showing entrepreneurial initiative! They'll be college Republicans soon.

bflrtsplk March 16, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Somebody actually married that woman?

philpjfry March 16, 2011 at 6:52 pm

worse, they apparently had sex with her…..brrrrrrrr gives me the creeps just thinking about her O face

crybabyboehner March 16, 2011 at 6:35 pm

I think her pro-Yucca Mountain position will go over even better this time!

Hatrabbit March 16, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Remember when you're campaigning Sharon, kiss the babies. Kiss them. We don't eat the babies in public.

Troubledog March 16, 2011 at 6:39 pm

The only white person who couldn't beat Harry Reid. That's quite a nickname.

Hatrabbit March 16, 2011 at 6:42 pm

2012 Teabagger Dream Ticket: Mamma Grizzly and Grandma Grisly.

JustPixelz March 16, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Sarah Palin is also a Grandma. After Bristol "spread the wealth around" Wasilla … well, she spread something at any rate.

fuflans March 16, 2011 at 6:43 pm

so i guess that whole 'sharing the make-up and beauty challenges' thing didn't pan out?

fuflans March 16, 2011 at 6:48 pm

also: those damned mushroom canisters appear to have generated an avalanche of comments.

what is up with that?

hilacious March 16, 2011 at 7:57 pm

they're the most interesting things about this video

philpjfry March 16, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Sharron, Sarah and Michele all running for something..the trifecta of total ass hattery crazy

BklynIlluminati March 16, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Back by popular demand!!!! With new and improved crazy….The one and only woman most likely to set the Governor's mansion on fire! Here she is Miss America Sharon Angle!

Extemporanus March 16, 2011 at 6:54 pm

With apologies, I'm reposting my reply to SudsMcCatfucker (via V314159265) because, well, just check out the link…the resemblance is unfreakingcanny!

Seriously. That new 'do makes Sharron Angle look even more catty.

[ADDING: Ken, can that be her new Wonkette headshot, purrrty pleeease?]

I'd Photoshop a dumb desecration myself, but my 'puter got 2nd Amendmented.

Riley?..

SudsMcKenzie March 16, 2011 at 7:36 pm

That's Suds[redacted] to you. Good day Sir.

Extemporanus March 16, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Please accept my sincere apologies, good sir — I misread your earlier comment as an instruction rather than as an invective.

Shan't happen again…

SudsMcKenzie March 16, 2011 at 11:05 pm

I was just kidding, I just finally got to do the [redacted] thing.

poncho_pilot March 16, 2011 at 6:55 pm

hey! what's she doing at my favorite bar?

Pithaughn March 16, 2011 at 6:55 pm

That is the "Brand New Double Wide Kitchen Nook" set at the Warner Bros back lot. The handlers are going for the base here, retired Californians now living in Nevada income tax free heaven. The lack of state income taxes does not make up for the scorpions in the slippers if you ax me.

Jim89048 March 16, 2011 at 7:22 pm

That about sums it up, and it's almost funny how the ex-Californians gang up on newer ex-Californians.

MinAgain March 16, 2011 at 6:58 pm

I could never support anyone who featured such an cheesy set of canisters in her campaign ad. Orange and green mushrooms? Seriously?

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Orange and green really is a 1970's motif, maybe they match her avacado refrigerator. I have to confess I didn't watch the video, other times I have seen or heard Sharrrrrrrrrron I have had the urge to shoot myself.

CrunchyKnee March 16, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Needz moar Depends.

owhatever March 16, 2011 at 7:06 pm

As smart as a can of worms, with a face to match.

fartknocker March 16, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Here's 10 of Sharron's best quotes:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/republicanquot

And she's a viable candidate/ The ingrown hair on my left ass cheek has more intelligence than this nitwit.

Come here a minute March 16, 2011 at 8:11 pm

You should really get that thing looked at. Has it considered a Senate run?

Neoyorquino March 16, 2011 at 7:10 pm

She has the same dentures as Gary Busey. And the same crazy.

Negropolis March 16, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Oh, no. Gary's all natural, baby. From the crazy to the teeth. Gary earned his crazy the old-fashioned way: frying his brain with a cocktail of drugs.

poncho_pilot March 16, 2011 at 7:21 pm

i guess some people have even less to do than me. yeah, UnionsRStreetGangs, i'm talking about you. "i'm mean, you know what i mean."

vodkamuppet March 16, 2011 at 7:26 pm

OT but I'm busting and need to share this. I tried posting this status update on Facebook but the screwy FB iphone app wouldn't let me post it so I had to ask my conservative Christian, wouldn't fuck me when we were both teenagers, cunt hair away from relapsing into heroin, skeevy undetermined STD having ex girlfriend to post it for me because I trust that bish with my passwords and the first five people I called were busy. She posted it at the cost of a lecture on why abortion is wrong and another lecture objecting to me making fun of her for not getting sarcasm, which she didn't get. Here's what I was trying to post on my Facebook before Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs and Nick Denton conglomerated to ruin my life by cutting me off from Facebook for an hour or so:

'Rallies in Lansing to fight the implementation of literal, actual, opposite of democracy Fascism (not the Fascism defined loosely as "that thing you are doing that I disagree with" that I jabber at the liquor store clerk when he bitches about how many Faygo cans I'm returning) in Michigan continue to grow. I'm looking to go to Lansing possibly Friday to join the protest and/or register as a disgusting socialist-monster, for freedom. Er…to show my enthusiastic support for abortion and government run sodomy i meant to say. Anyone headed that way?'

Sounds awful, right? Any Wonketters/Michiganders who would like to organize a carpool to lansing to protest this weekend can contact me at kevindkemp2170@gmail.com.  Include your screen-name and phone and I will get back to you as quickly as possible, Friday morning at the latest.

Crank_Tango March 16, 2011 at 8:09 pm

pick me up an abortion if you can–

keepem_sikanpor March 16, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Don't forget the santorum.

vodkamuppet March 17, 2011 at 4:41 am

I was drunk as shit when I wrote that but I stand by every word of it. Except the part where I gave out my email to the goddamn trolls that are internet stalking me. That part I take back. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA That didn't happen LA LA LA LA LA LA. When I pick up that abortion for you would you like it made out to anyone in particular?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 16, 2011 at 7:28 pm

because when radiation rains down upon the American West this weekend, and kills everyone, we can at least know that some things stayed the same right up until the very end.

You know, Ken, some of us don't plan to die, but are perfectly happy to become mutants. I expect to have the super powers of the banana slug, personally.

natoslug March 16, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Regular banana slug, spider-banana slug, or the pinto-banana slug?

[ edit: Hopefully I fixed my html fucking fail ]

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:46 am

Oh, all of them, Katie.

natoslug March 17, 2011 at 12:56 am

Pinto Banana Slug is miscegenation!!!!one!!!eleventy!!!

onemoretime79 March 17, 2011 at 12:48 am

Interesting. I'm laughing only because I live in a place
that does not have those creatures.

natoslug March 17, 2011 at 12:55 am

Be grateful. There's nothing like wandering outside into the Pacific Northwest Rainforest at 5 in the morning and feeling a slug, hanging from its trail of slime, burshing against your face. I'd rather be skunked, which is the other option out here.

emmelemm March 17, 2011 at 2:05 am

Oh, you wussie. Why, when I was a child, my only friends were the banana slugs in the ravine behind our house. Ah, the slimy fun we had!

ShaveTheWhales March 17, 2011 at 4:27 am

Oh, come on. You prefer skunked to slugged?

How about two minutes later?

Jim89048 March 17, 2011 at 2:13 am

Maybe the UCSC Fighting Banana Slug?

ShaveTheWhales March 17, 2011 at 4:30 am

What other slug has super powers?

Or at least such a great campus?

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum March 16, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Haircut and jaw make me think Barney Rubble.

hilacious March 16, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Shroom Tea Bags!!

aqua_buddha March 16, 2011 at 7:58 pm

The reason we're having a special Crazy Juice Party here in the Aquabuddhadome is that this is the best news in a long time. This is bigfat cartoon dopey-ness news.
Because unlike, say, Ms Bachman, who is steaming along on her own natural adrenaline / oxycontin fumes, Sharon Angle has got that "I know I'm 1oo% incompetent and I only run with my tail tucked right up between my legs" thing going for her.

That guilty-crazy-frenzied thing that spells p-u-r-e p-l-e-a-s-u-r-e for libtards like us. Thank you Sharon, thank you for that thing you got.

Jim89048 March 16, 2011 at 8:03 pm

The only benefit I can see, and I'm being purely selfish, is that it will get her the fuck out of my state. Because, you see, she is a true representative of the people here in rural Nevaduh, and she will win this thing.

PublicLuxury March 16, 2011 at 8:08 pm

The mushroom canisters. They each contain a special blend of the 'shroom'. The varying size of the containment vessel indicates the potency of the contents. Wowza.

PublicLuxury March 16, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Do you think her eyes are too close together?

ShaveTheWhales March 17, 2011 at 4:32 am

I think her ears are too far apart.

I'm thinking 2 cm.

Come here a minute March 16, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Pay no attention to the mushrooms — crazy lady is talking here!

PublicLuxury March 16, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Oh. Fuck. Me.

undeterredbyreality March 16, 2011 at 9:14 pm

OT: Watching Maddow and cutting to Japanese live film: Jack! Get the fuck out of there!

Edit: How can anybody downfist such a sincere expression of concern for another living being? Oh, yeah, that's right, a Breitbart fan/idiot/fuckface/douchebag. I have a suggestion for you as well: why don't you volunteer to go piss on Reactor #4? You know, to put it out.

trondant March 16, 2011 at 9:18 pm

She's a Republican, so she knows how to handle three cocks at once without a problem.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:05 pm

She is a female republican so I don't know if that applies. If she were male instead, I know she could handle three cocks at once.

trampndirtdown March 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Fuck you Ken Layne. I had to sit at work all day refreshing my phone to see if I'm going to die in a slow clusterfuck of a nuclear disaster that isn't happening according to my government and i gotta come home to this shit? Loopy McFuckstain is running for congress? Now the goddamn DCCC is going to be begging for me for money every goddamn week cuz scary lady might get elected. Well I got news for em. Shje is going to get elected no matter how much money they pour down that rathole, because people are fucking retarded. So just focus the money somewhere else, so maybe we don't have to watch her sitting on Foxx (nutbag) SC edumacation commitee.

Edit; Sorry Ken, I got some booze down me and feel better now. Good alt texts today AlsoToo

onemoretime79 March 16, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Never give up. Always get out the vote.

Sadly also, see Texas and Arizona for crazy if it makes you feel moar b8tr.

mulletpatriot March 16, 2011 at 9:38 pm

I'm glad she clarified that she approves of this message. For a minute I thought she was appearing in the commercial at the behest of the Satanic cockatoo that lives in her head.

neiltheblaze March 16, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Oh yes – comedy gold while Sharron is running – but it will suck Galactic Moose if she wins. The average IQ in the House of Representatives will take a plunge. They've fallen to the level of "paste eater" already as it is.

keepem_sikanpor March 16, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Trigg won't even eat paste.

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:48 am

Insulting paste-eaters everywhere!

Negropolis March 16, 2011 at 10:04 pm

God bless Crazy Angle. Sanity is just putting on its shoes while insanity is already half-way around the world. There is power in that level of self-delusion. Pure, unadulterated, misdirected, unguided power.

God save the folks of the Second District. Being that it is everything outside of Clark County (Las Vegas), at least Vegas is safe…for now. She can have Reno and the cow counties. That said, I do pity them. This district, after all, even as rural as it is, split the vote between Obama and McCain 49/49 when you'd expect something different.

onemoretime79 March 16, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Such defeatism already.
Surely, you jest.
What power does she really command?

Negropolis March 17, 2011 at 1:20 am

The power of being able to detach oneself from the rules of civilization. Humanity only works because the vast majority of us agree on a basic set of rules and observations. When someone extracts themselves from reality like she and her ilk do, they're isn't much one can do from within the confines of civilization.

onemoretime79 March 17, 2011 at 1:36 am

You get what you pay for,
Las Vegas?

Negropolis March 17, 2011 at 1:51 am

Wha? Really, you're just being weird, now.

Jim89048 March 16, 2011 at 11:48 pm

We're in for redistricting this session, but our retarded state legislature will probably cut parts of the 1st and 3rd and add it to Angle's (and my) district. Like I said earlier, at least she'll get out of the state when she wins. And she will win.

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:49 am

No doubt. She will win, and then John D'Orange will have her in his caucus/stall.

onemoretime79 March 17, 2011 at 1:39 am

Stop imagining this person can win.
Start imagining the effort to garner public support for the campaign, falters.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Does it include area 51? That would explain a lot to me, our future alien overlords are putting people into office it will be easy to get rid of later.

Jim89048 March 16, 2011 at 11:32 pm

For now, it does. We're in for some redistricting this session, for the laughs.

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:37 am

That's New Mexico. As opposed to Old Mexico. Maybe Ex-Mexico. I forget.

Negropolis March 17, 2011 at 1:07 am

Roswell is New Mexico, and Area 51 is Nye County, Nevada near the Extraterrestrial Highway.

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Are you picking those up at KFC? I will help you throw them at her.

onemoretime79 March 16, 2011 at 11:05 pm

How can we miss you if you don't go away?

Beowoof March 16, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Did she get those mushrooms from the Willie Nelson bin at Whole Foods?

chascates March 16, 2011 at 11:28 pm

The longest, most insane journey begins with but one first step.

BarackMyWorld March 16, 2011 at 11:56 pm

So instead of running to replace John Ensign, she's running to replace Dean Heller who is running to replace John Ensign?

Well, at least this contains the damage a little bit.

Jim89048 March 17, 2011 at 12:13 am

Yes. On the plus side, this might be all it takes to push me back across the border into California.

wsbloodystump March 17, 2011 at 12:03 am

I hardly ever post, as I am not a clever or funny girl, so I'm sort of glad Angle did this so I could rant and not have to be funny. FUCK YOU, Angle. This woman complains about government intervention, government spending, etc, and she is a product of the fucking New Deal. Seriously, like she got where she was by pulling herself up from her bootstraps. Nice fucking try.
And I'm just going to say fuck once more for good measure: fuck.

Jim89048 March 17, 2011 at 12:11 am

You have a future here at wonkette.

onemoretime79 March 17, 2011 at 12:20 am

fuck x 5 + 1, here
welcoome.

"..the fun is in the fight.."
~ molly ivins.

chascates March 17, 2011 at 12:35 am

Attitude trumps clever or funny every time.

wsbloodystump March 17, 2011 at 12:19 am

Eww–I meant "by her bootstraps"…oh well, you guys are all drunk anyway and are probably picking apart my other grammatical error.

Boojum_Reborn March 17, 2011 at 6:15 am

From her bootstraps gave me a mental image that will require bleach to get out. I'll need to drink about a quart.

vodkamuppet March 17, 2011 at 7:20 am

Grammertical error. And yes, I was very drunk last night.

onemoretime79 March 17, 2011 at 12:31 am

Stop me if you've heard it:

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy… "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Jukesgrrl March 17, 2011 at 12:34 am

Macaca.

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:52 am

We are the HIV of the universe. I am going to drink myself to sleep and hope it's 1947 when I wake.

ShaveTheWhales March 17, 2011 at 1:07 am

This is utterly off-topic to the horror-or-amusement-or-both-at-crazy-people-running-for-Congress, but the story arc at the nuke in Fukushima has crossed my threshold (whether it's a mauve or taupe or puce alert level, I'm not totally sure, because I don't know what those things are).

We've had several days of an absolutely classic progression of "no immediate danger" official statements. The progression has been (classically) from "There is absolutely zero chance of any radiation exposure", through "There's been a bit of radioactive material released, but it's trivial" and "Well, there have been a few high readings but we're not sure where they're from, and there is zero possibility of a Chernobyl-scale release because of the containment". We've now reached "We're arguing about whether or not fuel rods are exposed, and we've acknowledged quite few external dose-rate readings in the range of a milli-Sievert-per-hour, but the chances of a Chernobyl-scale event are still pretty small".

I can hardly wait for tomorrow's official announcement.

As an old physics nerd, I'm not automatically opposed to the idea of fission power. At least on paper, it should be possible to run inherently safe (melt-down cannot happen) facilities, with only the waste problem to deal with (and, seriously, the waste problem of coal ash is pretty fucking severe, also, too).

As a (literally) old guy, what holds down my physic-nerd enthusiasm is (1) almost all of the currently operating reactors are NOT inherently safe; and (2) ultimately, all reactors are operated by utility corporations, or branches of government. The people in final authority are not nuke engineers or medical experts (or geophysicists, or structural engineers, or even fucking economists). Hence, we can expect announcements along the lines of "Don't Panic (too much)" right up until the final "FUCK, RUN!!"

I very much hope that we don't get to "FUCK, RUN!". But, it appears that we will not know what the fuck is going on until after it's over.

Note to those Wonketeers who are pro-nuke: My net opinion on this is not based on technology, but on sociology. The people who end up running large utilities are not, generally speaking, nuclear engineers, or engineers of any sort. Unless the technologies they are supposedly controlling are utterly fool-proof, and immune to cost-reduction campaigns, there will eventually be crises, which the "managers" will be incompetent to manage. Although they will be able to issue misleading official statements.

FWIW, the same observation applies to any technology used to supply utility power. The thing is, for many technologies, a major fuck-up results ONLY in a temporary loss of power.

Hence, e.g., I'm not a big fan of the idea of large solar-collector satellites beaming power down to earth. Great idea, very efficient. Awful lot of ways it could go wrong.

I'm still hoping that there will be a last minute save. But we sure won't know ahead of time.

Jack, this would be a reasonable time to visit Amsterdam.

教授 Zoom March 17, 2011 at 2:09 am

That's the problem with foolproof systems. They keep coming up with a higher grade of fools.

ShaveTheWhales March 17, 2011 at 2:21 am

Or, sometimes, a higher grade of "Surprise!! Random chance has exceeded your ever-so-serious-but-somewhat-downplayed-estimations".

Time to fire up the weasel-word generator.

onemoretime79 March 17, 2011 at 1:28 am

o/t: slug picture posting person,
i cannot reply because i have lost my place
if i could i'd say frankly,
I am always grateful.
Also. I can move much faster
than any slug, anywhere.
so
teh point is moot.

DerrickWildcat March 17, 2011 at 1:47 am

Now does she want a Government based on the Constitution before she could vote or after she could vote?

ShaveTheWhales March 17, 2011 at 2:22 am

Constitution? You mean the Second Commandment?

Juan_Oriley March 17, 2011 at 1:48 am

Wait now, we gotta keep our crazy Nevada politicians straight. It was Sue Lowden who wanted to re-introduce chicken bartering for healthcare. Angle is the one who likes to rescind benefits from sick people to save healthcare costs.

qshoe1989 March 17, 2011 at 2:23 am

Via Jon Ralston, "140 characters to victory":

SecondAmendmentremediesnotmyjobtocreatejobssomeofyoulookalittleAsiantomephaseoutsocialsecurityandmedicaresharialawinUS

Jim89048 March 17, 2011 at 2:26 am

Watching the 11:00 news from Vegas, and my mood is much improved. It was pretty much all the talking heads could do to keep from laughing, and it seems the electorate (in Vegas, at least) understands what a silly little person Angle is. Even if you don't have a facebook account you can go to http://www.facebook.com/8NewsNOW and have a look at what folks are saying about her there. I think my faith may be restored.
One example:
wow, r u kidding me? i would vote for charlie sheen over sharon angle, heck, i would vote for my imaginary friend over that delusional woman! sharon angle…u r NOT WINNING!!

lulzmonger March 17, 2011 at 3:08 am

Back from my 91-second visit to Bugfuck County … damn, that robotic rictus attempting in vain to one day become a smile is bad enough – but what comes out of it is pure DTs with a twist of psychotic fugue. WTF is "a Federal spending increase that will paralyze our economic health"?!?
(A) WHAT economic health?
(B) Who ELSE has any serious money to spend & is actually willing to spend it, Crazy-Lady? The Money Fairy?

It's not magic mushrooms in those cans – it's fucking pure ether.

arihaya March 17, 2011 at 7:47 am

consider the district "Democratic pick-up" then

too optimistic?

Upfist Fairy March 17, 2011 at 8:35 am

I have the perfect campaign slogan for her:

"Be a Bitch for Jesus."

horsedreamer_1 March 17, 2011 at 8:56 am

Christine O'Donnell, this is your future.

LiveTo[Redacted]Ya March 17, 2011 at 10:49 am

Her jars are cracked.

mrblifil March 17, 2011 at 11:14 am

I'm thinking Dingbat Crazyeyes should probably eschew coffee.

Jim89048 March 17, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Yes, if only she'd quaff a cup of shut the fuck up instead…

RedAmanda March 17, 2011 at 11:45 am

I wish she would go back to doing fetish porn. She was sooo good at that.

mrpuma2u March 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Batshit candidate me twice, shame on me. So the shame is with whom? Most Nevada repugnintcans hate this freak, not because of her loony positions, but because she is a LOSER.

People of Nevada, (the sane ones) you gotta tell this loony toon her ride is over. Make her a 2 time loser, and she will fade to an ignominious foot note in political history.

berkeleyfarm March 17, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I'm pretty sure that's a suit, not a bathrobe, but it was a poor wardrobe choice given the "folksiness" of the kitchen table setting. It would have worked better in an "office" backdrop. The red nails visibly clutching the coffee cup are a smaller styling gaffe.

That serpent smile! She's the person in just about every school or church that is all smiley until she doesn't get exactly her way in everything, and then lays on the guilt trip while she stabs you in the back. Probably clutching her pearls about "negativity" or "swearing" or the like while she lies, lies, lies.

les_gvt March 17, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Why are you talking about Pelosi that way??

my bad- there would be no way in hell Pelosi would be caught in a church

berkeleyfarm March 17, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Sharron? That you?

I hear that Rebecca Mansour might be looking for another job soon. Maybe you could hire her to "check the blogs".

V572625694 March 16, 2011 at 11:34 pm

just your testicles/breasts and eyeballs. They're fussy eaters.

natoslug March 17, 2011 at 2:09 am

You wimp. When I was a child, my first sexual experiences were with the sweet, sweet slimy love of my neighborhood banana slugs. Once you go yellow, you never can mellow . . .

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