M-M-M-MY SHARIA  3:28 pm March 16, 2011

Another Patriotic White American Saved By Sharia Law

by Ken Layne

That CIA dude who shot those Muslims dead in Pakistan has been released! Yay. How did he do it? By following Sharia Law. Apparently, you just give the relatives of the people you killed a shitload of (U.S. taxpayer) money and blammo, you’re free (to kill again, for America).

How much does it cost, if you’re a CIA assassin held in a Pakistan prison for killing some Pakistanis? $2.3 million.

Welcome to the world of life and death in Pakistan where the Obama administration has paid “blood money” to spring a CIA agent suspected of two killings from jail on Wednesday.

Raymond Davis, a former Blackwater contractor, who was employed by the CIA in Pakistan, was arrested for the killing of two Pakistani citizens in Lahore on 27 January 2011. One of the men was shot in the back as he was running away. The US government first claimed that Davis was protected by diplomatic immunity under the Vienna Conventions. On Friday, US officials paid the two victims families a reported $2.3m; and Davis was released less than seven weeks after he went to jail. (Compensation to families of civilian victims of US-led coalition forces in Afghanistan amounts to a few thousand dollars per person, if anything is paid at all.)

[The Guardian]

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Come here a minute March 16, 2011 at 3:34 pm

At least it's not creeping — that's the really bad kind of Sharia.

Steverino247 March 16, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Creeping Sharia produces lovely flowers in season. The worst kind of Sharia, botanically speaking, is My Sharia, a weed-like plant that grows in the deserts of Somalia.

Numbat_Dundee March 16, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Naah. Sharia Palin is definitely the worst.

Negropolis March 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm

I think you just gave Sarah/Bristol/Willow the name of their next bastard child.

WriteyWriterton March 16, 2011 at 11:56 pm

There's a "My Sharonna" riff buried in there somewhere, but I won't play it.

PublicLuxury March 16, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Sarah Palin screams, "Blood Libel!" What an insult to the families. 2.3 million, chump change in this economy.

Zvi_Bleindmeis March 16, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I have not perpetrated usury on anyone today, or eaten pork products. These may become illegal inactivities in Tennessee soon.

tribbzthesquidz March 16, 2011 at 5:48 pm

You'll have to not eat bean pies instead. No feet washing either! Go Vols!

WriteyWriterton March 16, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Not if they beat my wolverines, squidz. Uh-uh to that.

LouBristol March 16, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Ok, by my calculations it's gonna cost $12 trillion to fix the Afghanistan problem and $130 trillion to solve the Pakistan problem. someone get the memo to Rumsfeld.

mumbly_[redacted] March 16, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Actually, you're being funny, but there's a real point here: at least part of why we're having trouble creating an Afghan security force to combat the Taliban? Because the United States does not pay as well as the Talban does. Think about that for a little bit, mull it over.

HistoriCat March 16, 2011 at 10:50 pm

The really smart ones play both sides and get double payments.

BaldarTFlagass March 16, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Hopefully that family will invest that 2.3 million dollars in the stock market.

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:04 am

School vouchers. Or hobo-bean futures. I would definitely go long in h-b futures.

SorosBot March 16, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Here the rich get away with murder by hiring high-priced slick defense attorneys; it's so much more civilized.

mumbly_[redacted] March 16, 2011 at 9:31 pm

OR a team of lobbyists. Or both!

edgydrifter March 16, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I'm sure the dead guys appreciate how much they're worth.

HistoriCat March 16, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Their families sure do.

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Wow. Raymond Davis got away with murder.

So where's this NRA Platinum Fuck from, anyway?

el_donaldo March 16, 2011 at 3:47 pm

So he's free, but now he can't get into Oklahoma or Tennessee? Eh. No loss to him I suppose.

harry_palmer March 16, 2011 at 3:53 pm

If they're smart the family will get that $2.3 million in some stable currency, like goat hides.

MinAgain March 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Welcome to The Price Is Right!

KenLayIsAlive March 16, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Wow, do the hedge fund managers know this? They could fly in on their private jets and spend their weekends taking out small towns for sport. You know, the masters of the universe need their fix, and economic destruction is sooooo 2008.

Tommmcatt March 16, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Hell yeah! Literal baths in blood for everybody making over 4 million a year! They could upholster the seats in their Bugattis with human skin!

If we're gonna have overlords we may as well do it American-style and let 'em go whole hog.

KenLayIsAlive March 16, 2011 at 4:42 pm

By 2015, we'll probably be desperate enough to let them to do it here.

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 4:01 pm


From the Guardian article:

Consider the case of Shane Bauer, a freelance journalist, and a good friend of mine. We worked together to expose US funding of death squads in Iraq. On 31 July 2009, he was arrested by Iranian border guards while hiking in Iraqi Kurdistan, an area I too have hiked in. Almost 20 months later, he is still a prisoner in Iran, where the US government has barely lifted a finger to help him.

SayItWithWookies March 16, 2011 at 5:24 pm

See, it's an easy way to know the truth. The fact that he's rotting in an Iranian prison is proof that he's innocent. If he were guilty, he'd be free by now.

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 5:40 pm

or rather, "We don't negotiate with turrists."

deanbooth March 16, 2011 at 5:57 pm

We don't negotiate for tourists?

Chicken Beaver March 16, 2011 at 6:09 pm

'parently not.

undeterredbyreality March 16, 2011 at 6:38 pm

"We worked together to expose US funding of death squads in Iraq."

I think that's your explanation right there.

BarryOPotter March 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Hey, you libruls! Stop yer hating! All this shows is it pays to get got by the best. YOU ESS AY!

harry_palmer March 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm

And so it starts. The wingnuts warned us we'd be paying reparations under Obama.

CliveWarren March 16, 2011 at 4:10 pm

In the Criminal Justice System the Pakistanis are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The police who "investigate" crime and the moneys that replace dead relatives. These are their stories.

Dun Dun!

horsedreamer_1 March 17, 2011 at 10:41 am

The problem with Law & Order: Lahore is every episode ends the same: stoning.

Get some new ideas, writers!

horsedreamer_1 March 16, 2011 at 4:10 pm

John Ensign is a prophet & I think you ought to listen to him.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 16, 2011 at 5:12 pm

So are, apparently, the Koch brothers.

mumbly_[redacted] March 16, 2011 at 9:33 pm

*Cough* Cheney.

Fukui_sanYesOta March 16, 2011 at 4:10 pm

If the bribe fits you must acquit!

V572625694 March 16, 2011 at 4:11 pm

It's disgusting enough, but it does help to recruit future mercenaries — uh, I beg your pardon, "contractors" — if the employer shows a willingness to rescue them when things get ugly. Think of it as workmans' comp for stone killers.

Redhead March 16, 2011 at 4:15 pm

To be fair, if he was a Blackwater contractor, he probably consumed a fifth of vodka off another man's ass before deciding it would be totally rad, bro, to go shoot at squirrels or something. It's not like he meant to kill PEOPLE – he was too drunk to see what he was shooting at.

RedneckMuslin March 16, 2011 at 4:19 pm

The US government first claimed that Davis was protected by diplomatic immunity under the Vienna Conventions.

And then Obama remembered that ol' dubya threw out all conventions in Geneva. His face was so red!

Troubledog March 16, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Under both Sharia and non-Sharia law, for example, lawyers work out a $2.3MM settlement with the victims' families to settle the suit, and the white guy would walk free.

But under USA white guy law, from Jesus or whatever, the white lawyers then present a bill to the families for expenses consuming half of the settlement. From the half remaining, they keep 60% as their commission for taking it on spec.

WriteyWriterton March 17, 2011 at 12:08 am

Don't you be dissin' my bros and sisses. (I'm not a plaintiff-PI or class-action lawyer, but I play one on teh teevee.)

arihaya March 17, 2011 at 2:06 am

it will be too confident… the victims' family might also have to pay "informal" cuts to Pakistani policemen and politicians

hagajim March 16, 2011 at 4:27 pm

$1.15 million for a dead guy…not bad. But even better, Sharron Angle is running for Congress….YAY! Seriously though….why is it that every time a shitstain appears in either Afghanistan or Iraq the name Blackwater comes up? Who do these fucks hire, a bunch of death row inmates? Jesus.

SmutBoffin March 16, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Jesus, do you know how much weregild Dick Cheney must owe us? Not to mention what he owes Afghanistan. And Iraq.

undeterredbyreality March 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm

And wergild has a much nicer ring to it than "blood money."

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 16, 2011 at 5:14 pm

You know, there are a whole lot of people I would like to see the CIA kill, and I only expect to be compensated $500,000/hit.

GregComlish March 16, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I want my money back.

donner_froh March 16, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Hundreds of white trash families are trying to figure out where Pakistan is and how to drive there so they can trade in a couple of retarded cousins for cash money.

Hatrabbit March 16, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Those Blackwater dudes are everywhere, they're like the Starbucks of slaughter.

MissTaken March 16, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Ah shit, does that mean that Blackwater is gonna buy up Peet's Coffee, too?

Extemporanus March 16, 2011 at 7:17 pm

This is what happens when one reads Soldier of Fortune from back to front.

ttommyunger March 16, 2011 at 10:52 pm

So, how's that contractor-mercenary thingy workin out for ya so far, Barry?

arihaya March 17, 2011 at 1:33 am

according to my understanding to Islamic law,,, the murderer must "acknowledge and confess" for the crime,, and then ask for forgiveness from the family. After (and if) forgiven, he then pay blood money in lieu of sentence.

but of course US State Department will write in their talking point that Davis is "acquitted" , and that he was "innocence" all along.

Looking forward for "Raymond Davis' Show on Fox News"

Jukesgrrl March 18, 2011 at 12:43 am

Gee, I can't imagine what they'll do with the money.

tcaalaw March 18, 2011 at 7:58 am

Gold-plated TruckNutz?

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