Scruffy-cheeked Ivy League teabagger Joe Miller lost his crazed bid to become a senator last year, but the sore loser still thinks he’s got a place in politics. But will his ambitions survive his friendship with a 26-year-old white trash militia kid arrested for trying to kill a bunch of judges and cops? Who knows, this is Alaska! Anyway, this child militiaman — apparently the leader of the “Alaska Peacemakers Militia” — allegedly came up with a super-great way to deal with the f’in cops always breathin’ down his neck. It involved a whole lot of shooting and kidnapping and murder and then burning down a house full of other cops, or something. Alaska, everybody!
Justin Elliot at Salon reports:
Last year, I did a lengthy story outlining the support Alaska Tea Party Senate candidate Joe Miller was getting within the state’s militia movement. Now, one of the militia leaders I interviewed — 26-year-old Schaeffer Cox — has been arrested and charged in a lurid plot to kill judges and state troopers.
Ha, whut? And from the complaint against Cox:
“The plan would then have the tactical teams going to the target’s houses, cutting the power, shooting the inhabitants as they come out to check on their power; then the team would kick the target’s residence’s doors in, kill everybody inside and set the house on fire. Then the team would lay in hiding and take out the initial responding officer before moving on to the next target.”
And, hilariously, Joe Miller then has to issue a statement denying his love for Schaeffer Cox:
Former U.S. Senate Candidate Joe Miller is disputing the media’s characterization of him as a “close friend and associate” of arrested Alaska Militia leader Schaeffer Cox. Mr. Miller became acquainted with Mr. Cox through Republican Party politics, not unlike many other State leaders. Mr. Cox offered no tangible support to Miller’s run for the US Senate; he was neither a campaign contributor nor volunteer; and, save for public forums during the campaign, has had no contact with Mr. Miller subsequent to his run-ins with the law early last year ….
Blah blah, Greasy Joe, but when you play in the septic tank you better get used to having shit all over your face. [Salon/Alaska Dispatch via Wonkette operative freakishlywrong]
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Or, as pappy likes to say, "Ya fly with the crows, yer gonna get shot at."
Schaeffer Cox, this should help to quell your disturbingly insatiable desire for butt secks and prison food! Enjoy prison, sucker!
The plan will be to wait for him to shower, then when he comes out dry off, shank him, then rape him, then rape him with the shank.
"Former U.S. Senate Candidate Joe Miller is disputing the media’s characterization of him as a “close friend and associate' "
Oh, so obviously they were fucking.
Spartans!
Yes, but with a blindfold on.
Your move, Rand Paul supporters.
oh, the hoveround hordes!
Pinhead Meets Skinhead.
Or will it only make him more popular among "the base?" I suspect this sort of thing is the teabagger version of "street cred."
You mean Al Qaeda? (And by "Al Qaeda, I mean "AL. Qaeda." But not "Alabama Qaeda." ALASKA QAEDA, come on. Jesus.)
Wouldn't that be AK Qaeda, then? Verbalize it, and it sounds like you're coughing up a lung oyster.
AL-lahu AK-bar
When it says Ore-Ida, it's all-righta!
Al Aska.
Al Aska Martyrs' Brigade…
Ve are the Alaskan People's Front Cwack Suicide Squad. Suicide squad! Attack!
I like how you think….Al-Asq al Queda has a nice ring to it.
Coup's on first?
Twat's on second.
How surprising that a Senate candidate who had his own private goon squad rough up reporters would be pallin' around with terrorists; or that none of the mainstream media will use the T-word for these guys.
They are not brown(ish).
A white guy can get the terrorist label, but needs a triple-digit body count to get it.
Mmmm….maybe. Nobody ever calls Tim McVeigh a "Christian terrorist," do they?
I do. But does anyone ever listen??
Was this one of the fucktards Joe the Kansas Miller was using as "security" and to "arrest" journalists?
It's unfortunate "Schaeffer Cox" isn't quite the ticket for a porn name. Maybe some modification — "Chafer Cox"? Ouch, painful.
But it rhymes with Pay-for-Cocks so I'm sure once he's out on parole this could be a promising career move.
“The plan would then have the tactical teams going to the target’s houses, cutting the power, shooting the inhabitants as they come out to check on their power; then the team would kick the target’s residence’s doors in, kill everybody inside and set the house on fire. Then the team would lay in hiding and take out the initial responding officer before moving on to the next target.”
What could possibly go wrong? It's just like Ethan Hunt and the Impossible Mission Force would lay it out…
Maybe they could even use the code name Ethan Kunt, to honor Sarah their queen.
Only the 2,137th isolated right-wing terror plot since 2008.
Your liberal bias media chart is wrong-o! Must be the Mooslims again, also too. Schaeffer Cox sounds like an Arab name.
There are no white-wing terror plots. Just ask Peter King (R-IRA).
There you go again with your lamestream media liberal bias, Ken. I don't remember all this outrage over Obama's association with "57 states."
"26-year-old Schaeffer Cox"
Is he related to the Koch Brothers?
Only as a sex toy.
He's from the plural side of the family.
In his fondest wishes and hopes .Cox has a picture of them that he kisses every night before going to sleep.
If anything this proves his bona fides with the AK crowd.
Joe's statement must have some dog whistles it in to show those in the know that he really was/is besties with this guy.
"Tactical teams"?
A group of obese tweakers riding hoverounds, right?
Their scooters are given a custom paint job to match their camo parkas.
Nah. In Alaska it's ATVs.
Snow-Gos, another endorsement! Artic Cat must be so proud.
"Schaeffer Cox"
Sounds like an STD.
It IS an STD. Scarily Dangerous Teatard.
Who is that hiding behind Iodide? Which is to say, who were you before Japan went into literal nuclear meltdown. This is relevant because I want to know who is connected to that smarty pants word. No, not Teatard. The other one.
I think it is actually similar to "whiskey dick."
Instead of just defunding Mental Hospitals, are we really sure that Reagan didn't send all of their residents to Alaska first?
There's a saying in Alaska among females about the males…
"The odds are goods, but good are odd."
And "You can't be first, but you can be next."
Alaska is where the squirrels hide their nuts!
i would like to yield the balance of my time to the senator from methskinheadgunstupidtopia.
I wouldn't want to be Joe Miller when/if Cox gets out prison.
"This is how you talk about your friends, Joe?"
You lie down with dogs, you get fleas.
Don't poke a skunk.
You gotta dance with them what brung you.
Live by the sword, die by the sword.
Etcetera…
(Ask Sarah, Joe.)
We're goin' north – the rush is on.
…a 26-year-old white trash militia kid arrested for trying to kill a bunch of judges and cops.
This is the Alaska equivalent of an MIT grad. Maybe Rutgers.
Hutaree tried it first, with similar results.
Dopey ole Schaeffer did not realize that it is easier, and more sporting, to shoot judges from helicopters.
Or feral Kansas pigs. Or furriners… but I repeat myself.
This sounds like a soap opera episode ending. Maybe, it could be called "As the World Burns" or some shit like that.
Stay tuned, next week!
BTW, this is what the Hutaree Militia up here in Michigan was busted for, last year. Except that they were also planning to use IEDs.
When he gets to prison we could call it AS MY ASS BURNS.
And the one NRA nut near Pittsburgh who actually managed to kill three cops.
Thank you Sarah Palin! We'd be up shit creek if it weren't for your "help" in some of the Senate races.
Is there anyone not on meth in AK?
Only the huskies.
Just the dealers.
Just the ones growing pot.
Nothing says Respect Authority™ and We Are A Nation Of Laws™ like killing cops and judges.
**Long-established, proud trademarks of the Republican Party
I'm trying to imagine Cox's "best-case" scenario supporting his cunning plan.
Step 1: Kill all the cops, judges, paramedics and their families.
Step 2: Alaska declares independence
Step 3: I am EMPEROR of PEACEMAKING!!!
It's like Bottle Rocket x Underpants Gnomes squared.
In a desperate way to tie Sarah Palin to play some way into helping Cox foment this plot – let's look back at her writing on law enforcement in Alaska, in one of her most sobering realizations that made her the 'adult' she is today described so incredibly in a passage in Going Rogue:
And when a state trooper pulls Chuck and her over for barrelling down a wintery road on a snowmobile, she describes it as "a couple of kids" being hassled by "a big dude with a gun and a badge".
Her words: "I couldn't help wondering about his priorities; I wondered if he really didn't have better things to do, like arresting a bad guy, or maybe helping a poor old lady haul in her firewood for the night. Looking back, maybe that was my first brush with the skewed priorities of government."
Alaska: it's the gift that keeps on giving.
It is the circle of Alaska- Sarah goes down, Joe goes up. Not that way you perverts.
Crazy in the US seems to be in the continent's corners.
And everything in between.
I anxiously await Fox News' investigative report on these right-wing terrorists.
It will be broadcaset right after Rep. King's hearing on them.
Blessed are the peacemakers…er…piecemakers.
Read it; it's in the Bahbull!
Blessed is the Greek?
Blessed are the Cheesemakers!
(Well, not the Cheesemakers specifically, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.)
The Tahr of Bahbull?
"Look, Ken, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of posts I've written about the Alaskan Frontier. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Alaskan garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Alaskans, I get worried. I get nervous.
WIN
Win won Juan
Game over. We cede the field to you.
There's some kind of fundamental problem up there, I wonder if it's possibly due to the length of the nights on the Arctic Circle leading to excessive watching of Chuck Norris movies and shit while all tweaked up on the meth that gives these fuckers such a distorted view of reality, that they think they can go around and shoot cops and judges and such. The wild west passed on over century ago down here in the Lower 48.
That's right, as long as you count Hawaii as on of the "lower 48" and Arizona with Alaska.
You're forgetting Idaho.
The fundamental problem is the Warrior Christians who moved there and began breeding in a state where you still get paid for breeding. The regular money grubbing complaining Republicans didn't figure it out until it was too late.
Thank you 102415, these imported, breeding gun-toting xtian freaks keep trying to claim Alaska as their own from us First Peoples.
It cannot be said too often. It's what they have planned for the rest of us down here.
GodDAMMIT William Seward. You just had to waste a perfectly good $7.2 million on this batshit-infested frozen wasteland.
We had to have some way to keep an eye on them shifty Russkies.
I guess history has confirmed his folly, after all.
After reading this, I can actually smell the weeks-old, half-eaten taco bell under the hide-a-bed subtly emerging from the smell of tires burning down the road, near the river.
And always, the lingering aroma and blue haze of two-stroke engine exhaust, everywhere.
Mingled with the scent of a decomposing stray dog shot from the front porch and the tavern like smell of the four cases of Bud Lime empties scattered about. .
Forget not the K-car on cinder blocks.
“The plan would then have the tactical teams going to the target’s houses, cutting the power, shooting the inhabitants as they come out to check on their power; then the team would kick the target’s residence’s doors in, kill everybody inside and set the house on fire. Then the team would lay in hiding and take out the initial responding officer before moving on to the next target.”
Eagerly awaiting Sarah Palin's tweet that it's outrageous to see anything other than harmless rhetoric in that.
Speaking of Bible Spice (the other thread is way too long) isn't Al-ASKA closer to Japan than the rest of us? Whatever. Has she twatted about how she's keeping poor little Trigger (trust me, she's going to make money on that kid, one way or the other) duct taped into the house because he's already a retard and she can't risk exposing him to any radiation? Or will she lend him to a child welfare group to let him go play with little kids in Japan, because, since he's already a retard, it won't make any difference?
Her pain in this militia story will no doubt involve Todd and how betrayed he feels that some of his patriot buddies allowed their passionate love for this country that is being ruined by Obama to turn them into violent terrorists against their will? Along with a vigorous defense of the 2nd. Amendment. Which in Sarah's case will be, Prtct gunz. #2 Amend
Obviously, the quote was edited to omit the crucial "WITH VOTES".
Didn't Todd try out to be the esquimaux mascot of this group.
Hmmm. Google News shows 100 articles on this, and yet not one from Fox News.
Miller later said: "I only knew him from when we met at the Unemployment Office every two weeks."
My daughter said that after working nearly a year in Fairbanks, on the road much of the time, she no longer takes an indoor toilet as a given in a restaurant. Since their outdoor location would make them the perfect, secluded spot for self-loathing closeted I'm-Not-Gay Rebubtards (thanks again, whomever I stole it from) to hook up.
Joe "The Guys At Fox Like Me 'Cause I Look Like House" Miller.
And you know who else planned to kill a whole bunch of cops and judges?
Jesus?
right-wing nut job Richard Poploski
Right-wing nut job Hitler?
right-wing nut job Byron Williams
right-wing nut job Joshua Cartwright
Batman's The Joker?
Holy Batfuck, Buttman!
Joseph Stalin – though maybe he was a bit spontaneous.
Mr. Miller became acquainted with Mr. Cox through Republican Party politics, not unlike many other State leaders.
And it's not fair to draw the obvious conclusion about Alaskan Republican Party politics from this fact. You hear me? NOT FAIR.
Joe Miller is like a bad case of jock itch. You don't miss him when he is not around anymore.
Is it too late for him to get his reality show now?
I'm working on a spec script for Lockup: Fairbanks.
But will his ambitions survive his friendship with a 26-year-old white trash militia kid arrested for trying to kill a bunch of judges and cops?
Since when is a 26-year-old considered a kid? Hell, in Alaska that's old enough to be a great-grandpa.
You just know that these assholes are all tight with Todd and the Wasilla princess.
Whatever.
Much like our "liberal media", Representative Peter King knows that white people are not terrorists.
Miller Tainted by Ties to Cox.
Isn't this the movie where Kevin Costner delivers a bunch of old mail?
Subject them to the Peter King test for whether you're a terrorist:
1. Are you a Muslin?
2. Did you intend to shoot a civilian or just a member of the British Army?
3. Are you brown?
4. Was your target an American?
If answer to #4 is yes, please explain particulars, making sure to explain whether this was a millionaire or someone in the stands at NASCAR or a Democrat? (A yes to last one will be used as a mitigating factor to your yes to #4).
I wish I'd saved my comment, below, as a response to you.
Nah, it deserves to stand on its own, Dusty.
Joe Miller's brownshirt paramilitary thugs are doing it all wrong; you can't start the political purges until after your guy get's elected. Until then you have to practice more subtle forms of thuggery, like non-fatal beatdowns and voter intimidation. That's like Fascism 101, fucking amateurs.
About to be remade as the early 10s Schaeffer Cox P-flick "I Come In Face."
That's not Miller's style, people. Sure, he knocks down nine-year old boys who get in his way, but he would never shoot them unless seriously provoked.
Potentially the greatest danger posed by Schaeffer Cox was the introduction of stupid-looking hats into the political climate.
http://filterednews.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/f...
Found dozens of different photos of him in this Mary Poppins extra getup.
I thought killing cops and judges was what passed for idle entertainment on long nights in Alaska. That and counting the emerging varicose veins on Sarah Palin's gams.
I can't quit you, Adolph.
"If their bare buttocks block out the sun, we shall fuck in the shade!!!"
And so on.
Now don't judge these folks too hard now. They're just defending themselves against Obama's tyrannical central government and it's plot to implement a godless new world order via Greenpeace and the UN and possibly the lizard people.
And the French, except for their nuclear-power management, which is now our model, per John L'Orange.
ACORN!
i think you're going to be stuck fleeing to IL like everyone else.
what's a mid 40-ish dude doing hanging out with a 26 year old anyway?
unsavory.
In a land of spores Joe Miller is the mold.
But you can see Russia from there!
Obviously we need Congressional hearings on how the Republican party radicalized this young man. Are Republicans doing enough to denounce terrorism within their ranks?
Joe Miller is good friends with Cocks, not Mr. Cox.
Or a law firm…but wait, that's redundant. Sorry.
Two crucial ingredients for irony: 1) self-awareness and 2)understanding of how language works. So, I'm thinking not irony. Maybe a nostalgic look back to the famous Colt gun of the same name?
Chaffed Cocks. In the long cold Alaska nights you run out of whale blubber for lubricant you take those chances.
"Mr. Cox offered no tangible support to Miller’s run for the US Senate; he was neither a campaign contributor nor volunteer; and, save for public forums during the campaign, has had no contact with Mr. Miller subsequent to his run-ins with the law early last year …."
Close enough for me! PALLIN' AROUND! Pallin' around with Cox! Look everybody! He's pallin' around with a terrorist!
Again, an exasperated FBI Spokesman has come out denouncing this type of lawless attack planned without Bureau encouragement and supervision. In a brief news conference, he breathlessly emphasized, "These plots of murder and mayhem are serious projects, and have no business being planned and executed by amateurs acting on their own, somebody could get hurt!".
Color me surprised by Jo-Mentum's denial. No, wait, not at all.
Schaeffer Cox sez “I know Sarah Palin well". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSPozBWAJng @02:53
They do in fact all know one another, there are more people in a two block radius in my neighborhood than live in the whole state of Alaska. Every person I know who has visited or lived in Alaska knows all these twits and twats.
Joey likes movies about gladiators. So this fits right in.
But, were they going to wear tuxedos?
So Joey has been "palin' around with terrorists." Uh-oh, Scary Sary won't like that!
Oops, Taud, the former First Dud, has been palin' around with Miller. So, does that mean Taud is ALSO palin' around with terrorists?
Sary better call that witch doctor you have on speed dial!
But…but…but…Miller and Cox aren't Muslims.
Or, perhaps they are. Hmmm.
Bwahahahahaha…!!!!
I'm here for you, c_d.
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