It's all just a gross dream!The proto-teabaggers at America’s oldest wingnut web forum have carefully considered this whole “obesity epidemic” thing — and they’ve decided it’s all a hoax. If there are so many obese people everywhere, then wouldn’t everybody be fat? Oh, everybody’s fat? Okay then, well riddle them this: If people are fat, and liberal women like Michelle Obama are trying to tell fat people to eat less servings of chicken-fried steak and two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew every day at breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, dessert and “fourthmeal,” then isn’t it much more likely that people are really obese because of a secret “infectious source” that the government should get out of the way to let government scientists solve, in a medical laboratory somewhere? Join us for a mystical voyage through the logic channels of the Free Republic.

  • The non-existent obesity epidemic is just another excuse for those who want to control our lives to get our permission to tell us how to live. Too many people are willing to go along with what the “experts” say when it comes to health. Whenever “everybody knows” something is true, that is the time to question it.
  • First, I do agree that folks talking about the obesity epidemic are trying to control our lives. But I don’t agree about that there isn’t an obesity problem. It exists, but life-style changes won’t fix it. There is reason to believe that there is an infectious source to some of the obesity problem: see …. It’d be nice if the politicians would stop worrying about obesity and let the scientist work on the problem.
  • Hey, I’m in shape. (Round is a shape.)
  • The young are flat out fat, because their parents cannot say NO to anything their little hearts desire. I have 5 children, 4 of them are borderline morbidly obese. They lived with their mother most of their lives, and she pampered them, fed them the most fattening things I could imagine. If you are familiar with “Schwans” food delivery, you know how rich and sweet their products are. Want a treat, have a 400 calorie popsicle, or a couple of soda pops and a candy bar. When I was younger, if you wanted a candy bar and pop, you bought it yourself, out of your own money….and that money did NOT come from mom or dad. Meals were served three times a day, and you ate then, or starved. We were kicked out of the house in the A.M. to play, or get stuck cleaning or mowing the lawn, picking weeds, or even painting a fence. TV was shut off all day.
  • 1 out of every 3 women at my large corporation, are not just overweight… they are rotund and obese. With all that blubber, they look to me, like Walruses. and yet, 60 minutes does a piece last week about hunger in America… so which is it? I think it’s fat… America is fat..mostly due to junk food diets, soda pop, and television.
  • This is an attempt at linkage. AIDS treatment costs a lot of money and is going to cost more. AIDS is linked to behavior. They’re trying to say that catching AIDS is the same as being obese. They’re just trying to justify the behavior and the cost.
  • 25 years ago you could go 30 days without seeing a 250 lb women. Go to any shopping center today, and it won’t take 30 seconds. A 300 lb housewife buckling the stands at my niece’s soccer games is commonplace. At 350 I rarely bat an eye. You’d expect a sense of shame, but instead find them strutting in miniskirts and knee high boots. At Wal Mart, when they asked me “paper or plastic?”, I assumed it was for a barf bag. I’d venture to say in the last 25 years, the average weight of a housewife has doubled, if not more.

[Free Republic]

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  • GregComlish

    Infectobesity is the new big-boned

  • Barbara_i

    25 years ago you could go 30 days without seeing a 250 lb women. Go to any shopping center today, and it won’t take 30 seconds.
    Yep, they are usually at the Victoria's Secret Stash of Oreos.

    • the_onceler

      umm, gross.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Just thought I'd say you're funny, Barbara_i. You make me laugh.

      • Barbara_i

        Thank you! I appreciate that more than you could ever know.

  • nounverb911

    "The proto-teabaggers at America’s oldest wingnut web forum have carefully considered this whole “obesity epidemic” thing — and they’ve decided it’s all a hoax."

    The last time I shopped at a Walmart was outside of New Orleans in 1998, the smallest adult size they had was extra-large.

    • Lost_Teabaggers

      Hey I wear XL from time to time…not only fat people like those…and XL sadly isn't for fat people…I've seen shirts go up to XXXL or even XXXXL…felt like a tarp covered my body and I'm 210! I like that these flabsters are doing the usual right wing thing…blame everything on someone else. Yes, it's Michelle Obama's Milfy fault because she wants to control their lives. Hey, since this is the first time since Jackie Kennedy anyone who isn't drunk or insane could or would say "I'd hit that" (and not be gross ironic black humor, either) talking about FLOTUS…is there a new designation? Like maybe….a FLif? Hey, that works…first lady I'd fuck…FLif.

      • DahBoner

        Sure, XL ain't overweight or obese.

        If you are seven foot two inches tall..

        • Cicada

          Or a woman and over 5'9". I swear to god, they make most clothes for fucking midgets. And my husband is 6'9". The XLs and XXLs are too wide, but still too short in the sleeves and torso.

          Yep, I hate short people. If only there were a way to blame them on Michelle Bachmann…

        • Lost_Teabaggers

          Really? I seriously doubt those are the only ways…besides, Shaq is 7'2" and his shirt size is so large it's a state secret. But yes, I understand people who are kind of small in size tend to think anyone who wears a larger size is fat, yes I get that and it's cool…we're all entitled to our own opinion even if that opinion comes from a place of ignorance. But you can take my word for it…XL isn't for fat people…in fact most guys who aren't short and/or effete in build wear XL. When you're around say 6'1" if you're wearing shirts larger than XL…you're probably fat tending toward obese which is XXXL. That's been my experience…take it or leave it.

  • DaveJ

    1 out of every 3 women at my large corporation, are not just overweight… they are rotund and obese.

    At yet somehow this mental giant has managed to be sued for sexual harassment by the exact same percent of women at his workplace.

    • Lost_Teabaggers

      Yes and probably even more ironic the teabagger casting aspersions here is probably a few sizes north of Orca himself. I mean unless you're immature or kind of an asshole you won't be mocking people at work for being fat. Damn, kind of stated a redundancy, didn't I? If you're on free republic you're kind of an asshole to begin with…so, carry on. It's a really strange country we live in when most of those obnoxious "no fat chicks" bumperstickers occupy the bumpers of big, fat assholes…but such is our right wing, eh?

  • PocketsTheClown

    Haha those people are crazy! There's no such thing as "housewives" what are we living in TV-land haha GIMME BACK THAT PIZZA

  • pukebot

    americans aren't fat they are just morbidly rubenesque.

    • Negropolis

      We really have to find a sexier euphamism for "morbidly".

  • SmutBoffin

    Obesity isn't in the Holy Bibble. It's made up by science dweebs, like radiation.


    Case closed, libtards.

    • TrollsRUnion

      How can they be fat and have pin-like heads? You can't!

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Bacon cheeseburgers are forbidden by Leviticus, where's the protesters outside Hardees??

    • DahBoner

      Corn syrup and hydrogenated fats must be in the Gospel of Rush Limbaugh…

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Statistics is [sic] best understood today as a form of political rhetoric.

    That's right, Teabag McGee! And facts are best understood as liberal bias. Also.

    • Rotundo_

      Statistics is [sic] best understood today as a form of political rhetoric.

      Damn, that is an amazing quote. How did they pack that much stupid in one sentence, with only one usage error? They didn't misspell anything, just botched the subject-verb agreement? Is this really lifted from Redstate?

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Borrowed (without the [sic]) directly from our corpulent compatriots at Free Republic.

        The whole thread is a mixture of admitting they're fat, claiming an obesity epidemic doesn't exist, random nutty quotes like that, and "keep your government hands off my cheetos"

        They're ace entertainment if you ignore the fact that they can vote.

      • WriteyWriterton

        Meh. "Statistics" as a subject takes a singular verb. "Statistics" as data takes a plural verb. "This semester, I took Statistics, which is really hard." "The statistics are compelling."

        And I know: f*^2k me, for the grammar-porn.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          I'm going to upfist you because you're right, but in the context of the original sentence that seems as if it should be plural.


          as subject: "Statistics is a hard course" rather than "Statistics are a hard course"

          as rhetoric: "Statistics are used to blind people with science" rather than "Statistics is used to blind people with science"

          Then again, I'm just some fucking guy.

  • V572625694

    I wish Ken would take the rest of the day off before I have to kill myself. We'll see who's yucking it up then!

  • Crank_Tango

    keep fucking that fried chicken, freepers.

  • Extemporanus

    All-you-can-eat buffets are veritable hotspots of infectobesity.

    • Crank_Tango

      i believe the word is foci….and gravy is a thick, delicious vector.

      • Extemporanus

        I would've gone with "heatri dishes", but I'm kinda agarphobic.

        • Crank_Tango

          hey blood, no need to be sheepish around here.

  • Pragmatist2

    The truth is that the folks at Free Republic are pretty much in to fatties.
    That's the only group that would date them in high school.

  • The proto-teabaggers at America’s oldest wingnut web forum have carefully considered consumed this whole “obesity epidemic” thing…

    Fixed your typo, Ken.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Little Debbie's not fat. Case closed.

  • Fuck Toad

    Man why is that man so obsessed with housewives I don't even

    • CZL

      Chubby milfs is his thing, OK? Don't hate.

  • Crank_Tango

    "Whenever “everybody knows” something is true, that is the time to question it."

    Wow, is that some kinda teabagger zen shit or what?

    • Haha. It's one of those questions that cannot be answered with rational thinking, like "Why would someone pick Sarah Palin as their running mate?"

      • gef05

        Or, "When a wingtard opens their mouth why does their brain shutdown?"

        • PocketsTheClown

          Or "Does it t'you?"

    • 教授 Zoom

      It's also the sort of selective iconoclasm that lends credibility to nonsense like Holocaust denial, vaccine avoidance, and Libertarianism.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Well put. It's some kind of cargo cultish magical thinking.

        "If I subscribe to this ideological mishmash which really only benefits the exceptionally rich, that makes me a business starter and job creator, even though I don't make more than $35K at Jiffy Lube."

        Yet somehow that makes them all rugged individualists (perhaps porky individualists, if the rallies are anything to go by), and all liberals are lockstep-marching sheep intent on stealing freedums.

        It actually makes my brain hurt.

  • edgydrifter

    LIEbrul elitist "scientists" created a secret infectious superbug to make us fat and contaminated our nation's vital corn syrup supply with it? I KNEW IT!!!

    • Redhead

      I thought corn syrup WAS the secret infectious superbug making everyone fat. Or is that an evil librul elitist myth too?

  • Tundra Grifter

    ". With all that blubber, they look to me, like Walruses. and yet, 60 minutes does a piece last week about hunger in America… so which is it?"

    Both, actually. The diet of the poor tends to heavy on starch – cheap calories. Sugar, too. You can pay $1 for a cheap cheeseburger or two bananas. Our government subsidizes unhealthy food.

    This "issue" is remarkably similar to man-made climate change. And tobacco smoking before that. Government interference, the science isn't clear, etc. It comes down to the old (gramting that sadly there aren't any new ones) Groucho Marx joke "Who are you going to believe? Me or your eyes?"

    • mumbly_[redacted]

      There's also this thing where exercise became a luxury item for working adults sometime in the last 20 years; nobody ever really bothers to balance that side of the equation, but it's probably a pretty significant factor as well.

  • So those jet contrails are actually whipped cream?

  • mumbly_[redacted]

    Join us for a mystical voyage through the logic channels of the Free Republic.

    Uhhh… no thanks.

    • [redacted]hse

      "Hullo, friends, I'm Bob Hind…"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Sounds like a lot of people trying to justify putting "normal size, weight" on their online dating post.

    But, remember, these are people who think Rush Limbaugh and Chris Christie are a little on the thin side.

  • user-of-owls

    Whenever “everybody knows” something is true, that is the time to question it.

    So the Bible is a fraud after all.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Paradoxically, only in US America. In places where nobody believes it, it actually is true.

    • GOPCrusher

      All gays are pedophiles.
      Same-sex marriages are a threat to traditional marriages.
      President Obama is a socialist Muslim that wants to take all the money from the whites and give it to the browns.
      All Muslims are terrorists.

      Probably the first thing a Tea Bagger has posted on the Internet that I could actually agree with.

  • 教授 Zoom

    America's shitty eating habits have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO with subsidies to ADM and other producers of crap that manages to be cheap to make, full of fat/starch/sugar, and incredibly profitable. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE LOBBYISTS BEHIND THE CURTAIN!

    (Did I do the caps-lock right?)

    • That's message plays before and after every PBS and NPR show, right?

      • 教授 Zoom

        In Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman make Famine, the Horseman of the Apocalypse, into an executive for a fast-food/agribusiness conglomerate. He's particularly proud of developing foodlike products that simultaneously cause obesity and malnutrition.

  • CliveWarren

    Ahab, Ahab!!! I Think I found a whole pod of white whales for you…

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Avast! Thar she hoverrounds!

  • OC_Iodide_Surf_Serf

    logic channels of the Free Republic

    fat fish meet exercise bicycle

  • ttommyunger

    As the spouse of a 375 pound 5'-6" Southern Girl, I can tell you how it happens: 5 pounds a year. Why: fatty high calorie foods taste good and exercise is inconvenient and painful. Also EVERYTHING in this Country is an occasion for food: happiness, sadness, celebration, lamentation, boredom, frenetic activity, social gatherings, and solitude. Five pounds a year over 31 years and there you are. We are fast becoming a Nation of artery-clogged, lardass slobs. The Cherry on top of this turd Sundae: losing weight and keeping it off is one of the hardest things in the world.

    • fuflans

      you are a good man sir.

    • Negropolis

      I'm sure your wife wouldn't exactly be happy with you giving us her stats…

      • ttommyunger

        I'm sure you are correct, however, she does not read Wonkette or even my tweets and rarely visits my fb site. I offer my story and her stats primarily as a cautionary tale to younger readers that might think it won't happen to them. It can happen to anybody. It is a slow, insidious process; one's metabolism is working 24/7, for or against us, our choice. I intend no cruelty or disrespect to my wife, I assure you. She herself reveals her condition every time she leaves the house. It isn't easy for her, but she seems helpless in its grip. I frankly live every day as if I'm watching a train wreck. She has made herself the poster girl for every horrific disease available, from breast cancer to heart disease. Maybe I'm writing this in hopes she will read it and finally wake up to the very real danger of her condition. I battle my waistline daily. I am ten pounds over my fighting weight of l65 and it is a brutal and tiresome struggle, I can assure you. Count your blessings if you've been spared this challenge.

  • glamourdammerung


    So much for personal responsibility. Again.

    • One_who_wanders

      Didn't you get the memo? Personal responsibility is only for others, especially the poors, the Democrats and the browns. It is not for Freepers. Or Sarah, or Michelle, or Newt.

  • Tommmcatt

    AIDS is linked to behavior.

    I think we should go over there and explain the difference between a disease vector and the idea behind disease causation. If we're just reasonable and kind they will understand our logical point and make a change in the way they see the world!

    • "…go over there…"

      Do I have to get up from the couch? Can I bring my cheese fries?

  • pukebot

    how many calories are there in a cheetos covered dick?

    • gef05

      If you ask a woman: 10.

      If you ask a guy: 790.

      • 教授 Zoom

        Oddly enough, they will also have similar relative estimates of length and girth.

        • gef05

          Yeah, that's what I was driving at. (The woman is honest about how many cheetos could be involved, the guy not so much.)

          • 教授 Zoom

            Sorry. Ate so many Cheezee-poofs that I sort of missed the subletly.

            Mmmmm, cheez.

      • WriteyWriterton

        I thought it was the other way around.

    • Salted rat or non-salted rat variety?

    • Negropolis


  • aguacatero

    "I’d venture to say in the last 25 years, the average weight of a housewife has doubled, if not more."

    Sure, statistics can make anything look bad. The bright side is that, due to ever greater numbers of women working outside the house, the aggregate weight of US housewives has remained essentially unchanged.

    • gef05

      Ohhhhhh. It's some sort of cosmic ratio at work.

      "in the last 25 years, the average weight of a housewife has doubled"
      'in the last 25 years, the average intelligence of a rightard has halved"

      I love math.

      • BarryOPotter

        The 'Bronze Ratio?'

  • Chillwaver


    • Does this mean you don't want your fried ice cream?

  • DownFist Troll

    Yet another vile liberal myth exposed!

    The obesity epidemic myth now takes it's shameful place alongside global warming, evolution, being born gay, context, Jews not killing Jesus, and the benefits of fluoride.

    You lose again libtards.

    • glamourdammerung

      You forgot the "myth of the Holocaust".

      Though now that conservatives outright lie about the Nazis not being a right wing organization, they might finally agree that the Holocaust happened.

      • wondering where i am

        Yep. Obummer caused the Holocaust. They say he is Hitler/was Hitler/um, I don't know, sorta like Hitler/um, you know.

    • jonzin

      This is irony, right? I can't tell anymore.

  • glamourdammerung

    I see thumbs down troll homed in on this thread like a sandwich bag full of high fructose corn syrup buried in the bottom of a trash can. Should we act surprised?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      HFCS goes in, downfisting goes out.

    • vodkamuppet

      I was up to 101 P-ness points for all of five minutes today. It's so completely silly to even care but I got a little sad when I dipped back down to 98. Stupid troll is stupid.

      • 教授 Zoom

        Pee goes up, pee goes down. How da pee get there in the first place? You can't explain it.

        • vodkamuppet

          P-ness goes up, P-ness goes down. You can't explain that. How dit get dere?

  • vodkamuppet

    If obesity is real then why come it snowed so durn much? Huh? Libruls can't esplain that. It's all just a big conspiracy so them rich scientists can sponge off are taxes.

    • deanbooth

      I've never heard "why come" before. I now plan to use it to begin every other sentence when I speak to conservatives.

      • vodkamuppet

        I'm not sure if I coined that or if it's something I've actually heard before. Either way, I love saying it.

        • shirleyplz

          from movie Idiocracy. Doctor : "Why come you got no tattoo?"

        • Negropolis

          "Why come" is a common interrogative mix-up, mostly for children beginning to learn the rules of the language.

          • vodkamuppet

            Ah, so it's a schema for toddlers who haven't learned the difference between what, why, how, etc just like they would likely refer to any four-legged animal as a dog or whatever four-legged animal they learned first. No wonder it sounds like something a teabagger would say. Toddler, teabagger, same difference.

          • revmatty

            It's also common in adults in some less edumacated parts of the midwest (in particular, the part I live in). And it's funny every damned time.

          • vodkamuppet

            I'm sure it's common in the rural areas of my state (also in the Midwest) as well. Fortunately I never venture more than a mile or two from my apartment in the city so I never have to deal with those people.

          • revmatty

            You are smarter than me…

          • vodkamuppet

            Eh, you haven't seen how crappy my apartment is.

      • not that Dewey

        "why come" is the new "mayhaps".

  • Come here a minute

    My favorite is, "My stupid kids are fat and it's their mother's (mothers'?) fault."

    • Ugh

      Yeah and the best part is when that phrase "their mother" appears you know that this smooth operator is a master of successful relationships and controlling the output thereof.

  • newsbird

    What the right dislikes about MEchelle OBMIdrama telling us that we are fat. She has a huge weight problem herself, and her youngest wee WON is fat with a double chin. She is ignoring her own overweight problems just like both of them are ignoring the country is getting in worse shape every day because of them and their puppet master unions.

  • Beetagger

    I used to date fat, ugly women. Now, I only date overweight, unattractive women. Progress. Also, anyone else getting followed by our newest troll? Some anti-union fatty, no doubt.

    • pukebot

      me! my first follower!!!!!!!! i'd fuck him in the ass but my dick isn't long enough to get to his anus.

      • Beetagger

        Probably a WalMart greeter or sumthin'.

      • Me too! (About the follower, not the dick long enough part.)

  • finallyhappy

    I was just in London and Paris and saw very few obese people. People weren't all thin but very few real fatties(the 2 i saw were security people in stores). SO I think the Freepers are right- it must be a plot by Michelle which has made the Walmart people 300+ pounds

    • SorosBot

      When I went to Paris, I think I saw one actual fat French person. Otherwise the only fat people I saw were at the tourist locations, and speaking either English or German.

      • Sure blame America first, just like a liebrul.

        • Crank_Tango

          I meant to reply to this thread but my fat comment slid downpage.

          • WriteyWriterton

            Gravity will do that.

      • Yep, when I was in France I could walk up to any fatty and just start up a conversation in English, just like it was a Wal-Mart.

      • People in big cities tend to be thinner. Because they walk to places.

    • OneYieldRegular

      There are a gazillion articles about why French people aren't fat, and pretty much none of them bother to mention that a) the French use almost no high fructose corn syrup; b) they don't allow livestock to be injected with growth hormones; c) they don't add 5 cups of sugar to every dessert they make; d) they generally don't address emotional problems through ice cream, soda, and Hostess Ding Dongs; e) they aren't afflicted with the axiomatic American equation "big=good"; f) they have affordable, accessible health care for everyone; and g) good taste still matters.

    • genxr

      Fat is freedom. Thin is communism. Everyone knows that! It's just one of the evils of socialist health care.

      • How many Weight Watcher points per serving of freedom?

  • GuanoFaucet

    What "infectious source" causes people to be this fucking retarded?

    • 教授 Zoom

      Fox News & Clear Channel Corp.

    • [redacted]hse

      Christine O'Donnel?

  • Lost_Teabaggers

    Yes, what changed my eating habits permanently was looking at the nutritional information on the backs of boxes, soda, etc. It's fucking amazing how ridiculous the levels are…a single can of soda is like 15% of your daily carbs…which isn't bad except most Americans consume 4-5 of those a day. Then you have meals like Chicken Alfredo which are over 100% of your saturated fat content per day…in a single serving. Yes, it's all a hoax fatties…not that feeding ones self 200-300% of your daily carbs, fat and saturated fat content per day is why you look like you just ate a herd of elephants or anything. Keep up the denial of the obvious wingnuts and keep telling us about "personal responsibility" being a deep principle of yours. I heard cognitive dissonance is supposed to hurt, like cause headaches…is that why they're so angry/dumb? Just cannot think from the pain of all that contradictory bullshit floating in there heads?

    • vodkamuppet

      Right, even though in reality I probably have a 38 inch waist all of my jeans say I'm a size 34. It's not because Americans are fat slobs that would rather be deceived than admit that they're fat slobs, nope. I wear a size 34 because of my awesome metabolism and my rigorous routine of never willingly exercising, ever.

    • I live in Toronto and Canadians are much more health conscious, in fact a recent study found health more important to them than sex or anything else. The food and menus are similar (although portions in restaurants are smaller here) to the US and so are the jobs (mostly desk jobs) and while there are fat Canadians and their numbers are increasing – nowhere near as many. The stats back this up and I make numerous trips to the U.S. each year and there is an obvious difference.

      As Lost_Teabaggers and our lovely FLOTUS point out education helps some people. As far as the peeps at Free Republic and Rush and the rest maybe it's a form of natural selection.

  • gef05

    Hey downfister. Every time you click the button I imagine anal sex with various female right-wing politicians. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

  • Crank_Tango

    you see more fatties in paris now than you ever used to before. when I worked there in 2003 my boss lamented that it used to be when you saw a heavy hitter that it was always an american, but now you see french ones…oh là là, hèlas,,,

    • Rotundo_

      The combination of processed foods and sedentary life (they used to dance and have affairs and stuff, ride bikes and tranny hookers in the bois d' boulogne) means that yes, even the french have slipped down the slippery slope along with us yanks, limeys and krauts. It must pain them sorely. As for me, as the nom de plume infers, orb shaped and ornery, but I don't think it's a virus/corn syrup conspiracy that got me there. It was food, some of it good even.

      • Crank_Tango

        yeah it's still nowhere close to approaching us, but the change is noticeable. They do have crap food there now so in some cases it might be just that.

        It used to strike me how the parisians would all haul ass through the metro stations in the morning, walking up escalators and shit, which americans would never do. But then I realized they just want to make the next train, and I didn't know jack about american subways so what do I know.

  • TrollsRUnion

    I've noticed it that in my 40 odd years I've gone from wearing a large to a medium to sometimes a small, without losing any weight. It's like the clothes are gettin' fatter! Mebee they should look into that as a crazy conspiracy. But I ain't talking 'cause that's how O'bomba gits ya!

  • 教授 Zoom

    Probably worth noting that, as American fast food, convenience food, and other Western eating habits became popular in Japan in the late 20th Century, that country's traditional high longevity began to decline, and fairly low heart disease rates began to increase. (Smoking like maniacs probably helped, too…)

  • BarryOPotter

    # Whenever “everybody knows” something is true, that is the time to question it.

    So rather than taking a good, long, hard look at what's become the standard American's sedentary lifestyle, complete with excess caloric intake, these fuckwits are going to make some shit up. "Fuck no, Bob! That answer's too easy. No, this non-existent obesity epidemic that causes me to be surrounded by fatties day in, day out is due to… Aha! …an infectious source!"

    What really knocks this train off the tracks is their call to …stop worrying about obesity and let the scientist work on the problem. Scientist? No. No way. I'm calling bullshit. Ken Layne wrote this article…

  • They can have my KFC double down sodium and lard combo when they pry it from my cold, dead from myocardial infarction fingers.

    • vodkamuppet

      Is it weird that I get a boner at any mention of the double down?

      • 教授 Zoom

        It's not a boner in that case. It's a chubby.

  • rocktonsam

    this is good news for president chris christie

    • But bad news for the guy who is in charge of the plumbing in the White House.

      "Hey Mark, the Oval Office toilet is clogged. Yeah, again."

    • El Pinche

      And bad news for the KFC off 14th St.

      "Mr. President, I'm afraid you've depleted our double-down reserves…again. You go now…you here 4 owa!!!!!!!"

  • gullywompr

    Uh oh, they have discovered our plan to force them into a diet of lightly salted rat dicks.

  • SorosBot

    Maybe it is just a culture war thing, but seeing the use of "pop" in place of the correct soda is always annoying; I'm not surprised to see the Freepers doing that.

    • sezme

      If I didn't like you, I'd downfist you for that comment. Pop vs. Soda is regional; it has nothing to do with politics.

      • WriteyWriterton

        I agree, like, totes, says the native "pop"-using midwesterner who lived in "soda"-consuming NYC for several years.

    • emmelemm

      Regional difference, friend. I grew up saying "pop" on the West Coast, but had a sojourn on the East Coast where it was all "soda", all the time. (Confusing and strange!) Don't even get me started on Southerners/Texans and their "coke" for all varieties of carbonated HFCS.

    • DemmeFatale

      Mr. Fatale says: pie, (as in pizza pie, instead of just saying pizza), and CREAM cheese (New Yorker!).
      But I really lose it when he pronounces "humid" as "yoo-mid!"

  • Mahousu

    At 350 [lb.] I rarely bat an eye.

    It takes too much effort.

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    breakfast, brunch, elevenses, twelveses, lunch, apres-lunch, tea, st.mathew’s meal, dinner, supper, midnight feast, 2am snack

    • comptoneffect

      Sounds like your typical Hobbit meal plan to me.

    • This diet is not recommended for Mogwais.

  • DashboardBuddha

    ".and that money did NOT come from mom or dad. "

    Bullshit…bullshit..motherfucking BULLSHIT… I consider myself one of the elders (or at least younger elders) here, and I can tell you that if we couldn't get something by whining, begging, making deals, we fucking well stole the money from our mother's purse. Who is this asshole kidding?

    • ThundercatHo

      Thank you DBD. Of course we got the money from our parents. Where would you want your young children to get money from anyway? Strangers in vans? Dealing drugs? The collection plate?

      • genxr

        Creepy Republican Congressman?

    • horselover_fat

      a-fudruckin'-men. when a kid WANTS something, he or she will get it, be it through whining, wheedling, chore-whoring, treachery, slavery, or even outright theft, because KIDS ARE SOCIOPATHS until the cruel onset of adulthood forces them to give a shit against their will. also, this is why republicans are perma-juvies.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    We may be the first country in the history of civilization where the poor die from eating too much. But the system is self correcting. In thirty years, today's cemeteries will be over-run with ten-foot earthworms and become valuable garden plots for the surviving vegans.

  • __kth__

    true story: a more literal translation of Nietzsche's famous proverb reads "he who stares for-too-long at the wingnut-colon will find the wingnut-colon staring back at him".

    And Nietzsche was never wrong for long.

  • PublicLuxury

    In true republitard male fashion they don't have a problem with fat people, they have a problem with fat WOMEN.

    Honestly, what the fuck do these idiots think? "Hey, Barbie stayed slim all these years, how come my wife can't do it?" Eat shit and die fucker.

    My husband is overweight and I have a problem keeping on weight. He exercises and I eat. Do I ridicule him? No. Do I love with all my heart and soul? Yes. I love him for him not because of his body shape.

    Now republitards… belly up to the bar at the Golden Corral and pile on your heart disease, because you can't die soon enough for me. Batshit ignorant motherfucking bastards.

    So there.

    • Cicada

      Ding ding ding! You nailed it.

      • PublicLuxury

        Thank yo.

        I used to be a regular at FreeRepublic. It got to me so badly, I walked around half pissed off at the world for the rest of the day. I decided to stop. I stopped for me, for my wonderful husband, and for our pets.

        I love my Andrew so very much and when anyone attacks fat people I go a little crazy in protect mode. Weight is a daily conversation in our home. I run on the OMG she's thin side (been hospitalized too). I eat. I do not snarf and barf, or refuse to eat. I eat. My metabolism is really high. Andrew's isn't. He fights weight constantly. He plays baseball, hockey, basketball, tennis, racquetball, swimming, skiing, very into athletics but still heavy. I could give a shit about athletics and I'm painfully thin.

        Sorry, more info than you cared to know. My Bad.

        • Cicada

          Not bad at all! I'm one of those people who have to work out a lot to keep from ballooning up, so I can relate to your husband. I also had a roommate who, like you, was always struggling to put weight on. Genetics can be a bitch.The bottom line is that we should all strive to be healthy, whatever that means for us individually.

          The crazy part about the Freepers is that they're so invested in making the quest for health into an EVIL SOSHALIST PLOT that they're willing to overlook basic science and logic. And of course, name call like a bunch of sweaty insecure 15 year-olds.

  • JackObin

    Perhaps. But they cannot deny the obvious stupid epidemic.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Actually, thanks to the Dunning-Kruger effect, they're pretty much compelled to.

  • PublicLuxury

    Republitards are the ass lickers of the pig world.

  • Damn, Ken, I thought you had read through some of the comments in Free Republic and selected some of the most insane. But when I glance at them it looks as if you grabbed several in a row, almost (or completely) at random.

    People who comment on that site must be competing over who can be the most stupid/crazy/lame.

  • SaintRond

    How fat was she? She was so fat, when she wears heels she once struck oil. How fat was she? She was so fat, she made the band skip. How fat was she? She was so fat, smaller fat women orbited around her. How fat was she? She was so fat, when she sat on the rainbow Skittles came out. How fat was she? She was so fat, the alligator on her shirt was real. How fat was she? She was so fat, she had her own zip code. How fat was she? She was so fat, when I told her I wanted pigs in a blanket she jumped into bed. How fat was she? She was so fat, her belly was the first perpetual motion machine. How fat was she? She was so fat, when she took an elevator it had to go down. How fat was she? She was so fat, you didn't walk with her you walked among her. How fat was she? She was so fat… She was so fat… She was so fat… Ugh… I can't do no more…

  • Cicada

    Oh yes, those fuckin' fat bitches at my jerb are disgustin'!

    *adjusts moobs*

    How come they're all so damn fat, hengh? Get on a treadmill, you cows!

    *places towel on lap to soak up pannus sweat*

  • chascates

    Folks talking about people getting shitfaced drunk & driving are trying to control our lives. As a patriotic 'Murican I have the right (written in the New Testament by our Founding Apostles) to ignore elected authority, legal statutes, and common sense to engage in behavior sure to shorten my life. And then post about to my fellow wingnuts.

    • glamourdammerung

      Glad someone else was thinking about Rick Berman and his astroturfing against drunk driving laws (as well as any effort to try to fight against obesity).

  • These fat fuckers just need some space cocaine. They'd be thin as rails in no time. Or dead from heart attacks.

    • XOhioan

      CoTang. The nose candy of the astronauts.

    • not that Dewey

      There used to be a billboard near Times Square that showed a woman shoving a chapstick-looking thing up her nose with the caption "SNIFF YOURSELF THIN".

      I know what I thought they meant, but really?

  • Troubledog

    Troubledog loves chicken-fried steak. The for-real version, genuine legitimate chicken-fried steak where they dredge a tenderized hunk of cow through seasoned flour and fry that motherfucker up, not this assembly line Tyson-frozen portion controlled corporate chicken-fried steak bullshit you get most of the time.

    • Mmmmhh – luvs chicken fried steak done like that – like I said I live in Canada and I've never found it on a menu here or biscuits and gravy or peanut-butter pie – gawd I miss that stuff.

      I have lost 20 lbs in 4 years, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

  • fuflans

    so yeah. this is like the catnip for wonkette column.

    • El Pinche

      I canceled some plans for the night just for this.

  • RowdyRacer

    Walk into any Cracker Barrel, and announce – "$1000.00 for anyone who can tell me the color of their own shoes before I count to 3"!!! Every fatass in there would have to ask their dining partner…

  • fatoots

    This reminds me… remember the woman who wrote—I think it was an op-ed to a newspaper on how the food police were BS and they're her kids and if she wanted to feed them McDicks every day of the week it was her right to goddammmittt!

    Maybe this will all backfire when they all die in a 3 year span from MI's or diabetic comas. The the libruls will rule!!! Fuck Yeah

  • Freepers are so cute when they attempt to wax philosophical.

  • fuflans

    i'm pretty sure Infectobesity (the "fat virus") will end up a 'proven condition':

    1. the invisible hand of the market works that way
    2. the market is huge (every pun intended)
    3. being thin is hard and for most people – even including americans – requires Effort.

    • Negropolis

      Infectobetes will be the new Restless Leg Syndrome.

  • Lost_Teabaggers

    Hah…notice how these wingnuts only pick on fat women because they all worship the world's fattest man who sits in his Florida sweat-atorium/ shut-in complex chomping oxycontin and cruising boy prostitute websites while telling them all day long what to think. This same big fat fuck picked on Michelle Obama's figure recently, which was hilarious to behold. It's kind of funny when you think of how many fat assed, soon to be (if not already) scooter driving (Limbaugh probably already has one, only he's so vain it's a titanium re-enforced golf cart with a Lamborgini engine just to pull his fat ass at 10 mph, mind you) white guys inhabit the GOP. Just another example of rampant conservative hypocrisy?

  • [redacted]hse

    Jimmy Dean Breakfast Links, probably.

  • Does anybody remember the Weekly World News? I used to buy it all the time, for the hilarity, not for the news. I still have a pile of them on my porch. Each one has at least a dozen comedy plots in it.

    Anyway, the WWW was famous for having Professors from some University that no one's ever heard of spouting out some ridiculous theory or discovery. To hear the WWW tell it, they were the only news organization with enough integrity and grit to find the stories every one else was ignoring.

    I always took it as a big laugh. Sometimes I would shiver to think about the morons that would actually believe this shit.

    Well folks, Layne has found the morons. They are the Free Republic. They reference "inectobesity " discovered by one Dr. Dhurandhar (presumably pronounced dur and dur) from the Pennington Biomedical Research Center (whatever strip mall that's in). This is the belief that obesity is caused by pathogens, not I guess, sloth and a lousy diet.

    Whatever's convenient to believe.

  • Guppy06

    "It’d be nice if the politicians would stop worrying about obesity and let the scientist work on the problem. "

    But none of those "scientists" that believe in climate change or evolution! This can only be solved by creation science!

    • I do love how they can imagine that on one hand scientists are smart enough to create an completely undetectable infection that makes hundreds of millions of Americans fat, but on the other hand scientists are too dumb to figure if climate change exists.

  • Guppy06

    "I’d venture to say in the last 25 years, the average weight of a housewife has doubled, if not more."

    This is why I order all my housewives from Russia!

  • The_Great_Gazoo

    Whenever I get horny I tell Dew, that's my husband, "Fix me up another one of them baloney sandwiches, Loretty."

    Also, "Patsy can't be dead; we was a goin' shopping."

    Think I'll go have one of them baloney sandwiches now.

  • El Pinche

    Republicans and Teabaggers aren't fat! They're husky.

    • glamourdammerung


  • Chicken Beaver

    Just because Americans excel at eating does not mean you should cheer them on, assholes.

  • XOhioan

    I for one am proud to live in a country where people have to rock from side-to-side because their enormous hams no longer support normal locomotion.

  • pinkocommi

    The reason that Republicans hate Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign is because it goes against their deeply held value of not giving a fuck about anybody else. Except unborn fetuses, also.

    • vodkamuppet


  • bflrtsplk

    That's the Weight Watchers discount.

  • Gorillionaire

    Hey Freepers – apples? They're edible.

    • PubOption

      I find that the average, rock-like, supermarket apple has to be kept for at least a week, or it will seriously affect the digestive system!

  • BklynIlluminati

    Logic you are doing it wrong. But since that is the case while we are here why don't you have this healthy helping of mayo, butter and what i like to call semi real pig fat that i have created it has that down home cookin flavor to it.

  • MinAgain

    This is why I'm on a whole foods regimen. Apparently, eating a whole food is still healthier than eating a half a bag of Cheetos.

    BTW, the Education Committee of the Tennessee Senate is considering other legislation to screw the teachers this morning. Cover me; I'm going in.

  • hagajim

    I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.

  • undeadgoat

    I like the one who says his kids are fat because his wife buys them too much ice cream and lets them play inside too much. He appears to have a relationship with reality. But a non-relationship with his ex, sadly.

  • Redhead

    Things I learned this morning:
    – Only women are fat or obese, in Freeper world. Whether it is an epidemic or not, it only affects women – or at least, it is only wrong and worth shaming over when it is women.
    – Obesity is either the result of a government conspiracy, or it doesn't really exist and the government is trying to convince people it does because of a conspiracy.
    – Obesity is ONLY caused by lazy indulgent people feeding themselves and their kids too much junk food. It is also ONLY caused by "infectious source" (bacteria)? It also does not exist. It is also caused by AIDS/being ghey.
    – All women are fat, obese, lazy, bad at child-rearing and bad housewives.
    – Ken has finally lost it, truly gone off the deep end, and is actually looking for logic in a freeper "article."

  • Wilcoxyz

    You want to see fatties, try Fat = single. Single = freedom.

    That's where Free Republic is coming from. Except for the ones who use Craigslist.

  • trondant

    FreiRepublik is where the Internet dumps its garbage.

  • Darthhippy

    We live in interesting times when the Wonkette and the Free Republic start agreeing and NRO starts speaking truth to crazy.

  • horselover_fat

    why, it is quite okay to be fat, because, as all good conservatards know, being fat is someone else's problem, and it is hateful and disrespectful and possibly even SOCIAL JUSTICE to care in the slightest. in these lard-choked states of high-fructose america, guilt and shame are social controls used by one's mother to deny you all joy, and the only reasonable response is to screech back in your mother's face abut how she never loved you and why can't she just accept that you have your own life and god i hate you so much MOM WHY DID DADDY LEAVE

  • Well, at least the Freepers sometimes have a sense of humor, unlike our downfisting tardbutt friends from Breitbart.

  • sportshort

    And the sun's not yellow. It's chicken.

    (Thanks Bob Dylan.)

  • Ducksworthy

    What delicious irony that the father of amurrikan obesity is Earl Butz. Loose shoes and corn syrup.

  • Gold_ManSacks

    I simply hate fatties. If fat was an ethnicity I would be racist against it. There should be a BMI limit to voting, lets bring old-timey voting booths back and if you can't squeeze your 64 inch waist into the booth too fucking bad, no vote for you.

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Israel-first Freepers
    Homeland Gestapo

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