Michele Bachmann, just tryin' on the latest Springtime Fashion (Ugg boots not shown)Heartfelt chuckles and patronizing sighs were enjoyed by all when Michele Bachmann told a New Hampshire crowd on Saturday, “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.” (New Hampshire is also the state where United States Marines “raised the flag at Iwo Jima.”) It was an honest mistake — only a fool would believe that someone in China could hear musket shots fired in New Hampshire approximately 1,000 years ago. But alas, the media reported this gaffe anyway, proving once and for all that there is a blatant liberal bias in the media. Michele Bachmann is hardly surprised though, since she’s already well aware that “the 3,400 members of the mainstream media are a part of the Obama press contingent,” whatever that means. This news story is a bias within a bias, which is the plot of Leonardo DiCaprio’s next romcom thriller.

But can Michele Bachmann support her whining with evidence? You better believe it:

Bachmann highlighted moments when President Barack Obama misspoke as a candidate. In one instance, in May 2008, then-Sen. Obama said, “Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go.”

Later in the day, Obama told reporters that he misspoke.

Bachmann suggested that helps prove a liberal media bias.

“Of course, that wasn’t considered newsworthy,” she said of Obama’s remarks.

Are you sure about that, Michele? “Obama says there are 57 states” turns up about 15,900,000 results. But what the dickens? There’s only 11,000 search results for “Michele Bachmann has a STD in her brain”!

So basically there is a huge pro-Michele Bachmann bias in the Jew-run mainstream Islamic homosexual media, and Peter King must investigate Michele’s brain STD before there is another 9/11, the end. [CNN]

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  • mourningnmerica

    "Bachmann – Making Palin Look Presidential Since 2010"

    • undeterredbyreality


    • Negropolis

      Ah, yes; the "Law of Looking Good By Comparison."

  • SorosBot

    "Bachmann highlighted moments when President Barack Obama misspoke as a candidate."

    CNN, that's moment, no 's'; and Michele, the fact that you can count Obama's major gaffe on one finger is why yours get reported on a lot more.

    • DustBowlBlues

      See? Proves it. His millions of gaffes are all covered up by the lamestream media.

    • mumbly_[redacted]

      Also, I'm pretty sure that connotation of the word "gaffe", which implies unintentionality or an error originating in clumsiness, rules out prepared remarks to New Hampshire that get New Hampshire history wrong this badly. She clearly *thought* it was New Hampshire, until the Lamestream Media pointed this out.

      This isn't hard: she was speaking in New Hampshire, and said "you". Replace "you" with "Massachusetts" and her speech is incoherent and makes no sense in its context (speaking/pandering to New Hampshire)- not that that strictly rules out it being a normal Bachmann speech, but calling such a thing a "gaffe" is an insult to Bidens everywhere.

      • BerkeleyBear

        She actually said the line on consecutive days as part of a prepared speech. Then insulted Massachussetts by claiming NH was where they still care about Lexington and Concord (and bashed Obama while admitting she uses teleprompters too, just for the hell of it). Not a gaffe – more like proof she is the inspiration for Ron Burgundy.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Remember that New Hampshire and Massachusetts were not the United States back then, thus they were effectively the same to the Brits, a foreign country. Ipso facto, Lexington is in NH.

  • mourningnmerica

    I love the Freedom Frock !!!

    • CliveWarren

      That whole picture is the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life that God has given man on the face of this planet. The teabag ties the whole ensemble together very nicely.

    • V572625694

      "Canvas camisole" is another popular term for this fashion statement.

    • Beowoof

      I would love it even more if she were really wearing it.

  • memzilla

    "…Michele Bachmann has a STD in her brain”!

    Stupid Talking Disease?

    Solution: perform a full Palinectomy. Unfortunately, this operation would leave her as one of the survivors in any zombie attack (no brainz).

    • The_Great_Gazoo

      I suspect that, in this case, the blood-brain barrier is not particularly resistant to infiltration by a whole host of infections. Therefore, I would advise her against sucking on Dick Morris's toes, lest she get some sort of esophageal fungus that easily crosses over. Or maybe that's the problem here already?

      • Ducksworthy

        We have not ruled out the hookworm conjecture in this case have we?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Given her verbal diarhea, I'm pretty sure she's a zombie already.

    • OneDollarJuana

      "michele bachmann eats potted anus" 111,000 hits.

  • Barbara_i

    After seeing her State of the Union rebuttal speech I am pretty sure that she spent her whole time in high school history, looking to the right of the chalkboard.

    • The_Great_Gazoo

      That's very funny Babs. But, in all seriousness, if her teacher had hung the portrait of Founding Father Ronald Reagan someplace else other than to the right of the chalkboard we might not even be having this discussion.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        That or maybe she has a glass eye. I had a boss years ago who was one-eyed and a coworker clued me in to the nasty trick of looking him in the glass eye when talking to him and it did indeed throw him off. Didn't stop him from asking if he could urinate on my head. I'd tell him he couldn't and he'd suggest I could urinate on his head which met with a similar rebuttal. Apparently no one can bring themselves to tell Bachmann she can't run for president because plainly she spends most of her time on a distant planet, but they'd be doing her a favor and saving her a lot of embarassment.

        • WhatTheHolyHeck

          Jesus Fucking Christ on a Triscuit, I love Wonkette.

  • fuflans

    you're allowed to misspeak when the rest of the statements that come out of your mouth are, you know, facts and sane things and stuff.

    there's also that whole 'harvard degree', brilliant speaker' and 'u of c law professor' but let's just leave it at 'facts and sane things'.

    • Michele would like to point out that she was a member of the final graduating class of Oral Roberts' law school…which was so good that it no longer exists…so there!

  • GuyClinch

    Michele, don't worry. As soon as you finally say something that isn't dumb, it'll be stop-the-presses front-page news.

  • harlem_gilligan

    she has AN std in her brain. thank you

  • Michele Bachmann – Sarah Palin with a brain


    • Dashboard_Jesus

      ""Her (Palin) major weakness is that she needs to bone up on how the government works"

      oh don't worry my SC retiree' friend, 'ol $carah's been 'boning up' on the govt quite a bit, in case you haven't noticed

    • poncho_pilot

      but? whose brain?

      • Beowoof

        Abby Normal

  • Troubledog

    But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in historical garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Patriots, I get worried. I get nervous.

    • SorosBot

      Patriots always scare me; I mean, I'm from Philly but Boston's fans make ours look reasonable.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I know it's been over 40 years, but I don't think we chowds will ever be able to top the boo-ing and pelting with snow/slushballs of Santa Claus.

  • CivicHoliday

    Michele, my belle,
    These words do not go together well,
    My Michele

    • Beowoof

      Michele go to hell,
      these are words that go together well,
      burn in hell,

      I hate you
      I hate you
      I hate you

      Is all I have to say.

  • DownFist Troll

    Brain STD? Did Newt Gingrich skullfuck her?

    • Chicken Beaver

      Who hasn't he skull-fucked?

      • Beowoof

        He has been skull fucking Uncle Sam and Americans for years now

  • mumbly_[redacted]

    Gives new meaning to "facts have a liberal bias".

    • SayItWithWookies

      Whereas stupid and teabagger are like two sides of the same mobious strip.

    • Beowoof

      I have always thought liberal bias meant you were reporting facts conservatives don't like.

  • Hatrabbit

    Someone award that woman an honorary doctorate in Syphlitic History.

    • undeterredbyreality


  • Tundra Grifter

    First of all, Mr. Obama was referring to the number of Democratic Presidential primaries. Actually, there were only 56. Yes, he said "states." It was a mistake and he admitted it.

    Ole Crazy Eyes said " “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.” That simply makes no sense. If the shot was "heard 'round the world" then it wasn't heard at Lexington or Concord, now was it?

    Additionally, how could "a shot" be fired in two places at the same time? Not to mention "You're the state…" Although, clearly, her natural state is confusion.

    "One 'L'" ("What the L?") Michele should know the words by heart:

    By the rude bridge that arched the flood
    Their flag to April's breeze unfurled.
    And here the embattled farmers stood
    And fired the shot heard 'round the world.

    Really listen to the what Duh Gov'Nuh says – won't make much sense, either.

    • Crank_Tango

      in soviet union, shots are heard around you!

      • JackMioffer

        In Oakland, too.

        • Tundra Grifter

          You should be in the East Bay for New Year's Eve!

          Actually – you probably shouldn't…

      • Beowoof

        I didn't realize you could hear shots of vodka. How much vodka does it take to start hearing them?

    • DustBowlBlues

      I'm sick of you guys harping on this. She isn't running for President of Massachusetts.

      • neiltheblaze

        Thank fucking Christ.

      • Beowoof

        She couldn't win running for president of the sled dog association.

    • 教授 Zoom

      I'm fairly sure it wasn't a reference to 57 primaries, but an even simpler "I'm so tired I can't remember my name" moment, where he meant all but one of the continental states. Brain starts with a familiar phrase "all 50 states" and then flubs the downshift. See also the Snopes article.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Snopes is a Soros plant. I know because it was reported here that it was reported at some right-wing website.

        • No, it was reported in an forwarded email screed complete with Comic Sans and Pedobear animated GIF signature!

        • Beowoof

          Well if you debunk conservative, neocon, republican bullshit then you must be a left media operation. Facts have a known liberal bias.

    • TrollsRUnion

      I don't know, Grifty. Because of Barry 'misspeaking' (as if he does anything unplanned!) I think we should forgive all conservative gaffes past, present and future.

      By the wee, why did he really say 57 states? Because maybe that's how many states there are in the country of Africa?! Hm? Hm? Check and MATE, sir!

      • OC_Iodide_Surf_Serf

        He meant to say Heinz 57 cause he was wanting some lunch.

        At least when and if Barry ever 'misspoke' we didn't invade the wrong country…

        • TrollsRUnion

          Can you imagine (without going into sweats) an actual MB presidency, we'd probably end up invading Greenland instead of Iceland or something. "I always mix those two up! But remember when Obama said 57 states?!" Forget about the diff between Iran/Iraq, Libya/Liberia, etc.

          And she home schools her own kids as well as foster children!

      • Tundra Grifter

        I'll Check but I refuse to Mate. #1. Too nautical. #2. I'm married.

    • OneDollarJuana

      how could "a shot" be fired in two places at the same time?

      It's the same as Schrodinger's Cat. Until the shot was actually heard, it couldn't be determined if it was in Lexington or Concord, and in fact, until it was heard it was two shots. That's why quantum physics is so Revolutionary!

  • nounverb911

    Michele is stupid as stupid is.

  • smokefilledroommate

    I'd say, "Hey Michele–Look Shit Up!!", but she probably regards Wikipedia as some hippy-dippy tool of the devil.

    • BarryOPotter

      Why the hell aren't her staffers making sure she has the facts straight? What the hell are they doing for her? Lazy-ass federal employees…

      • I've felt that for a while now certain staffers, having a quality college education, are laughing up their sleeves at incompetent pol's. Having watched the "boss" read through the speech transcript and not said anything about the gaffe section my theory is the staffers shrugged their shoulders and said go get em.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Actually, doesn't she have horrendous turnover with her staff? If I remember right, no one can stand working for her for longer than a year.

        • glamourdammerung

          It is the higher level ones that tend to leave quickly too.

          However, the media seems shy to mention the numbers on the turnover, other than "a lot". Must be that pesky "liberal media" I keep hearing about, since it is about the right time for the leprechauns and other fictional creatures to make appearances.

      • OneDollarJuana

        They're too busy calling campaign donors to look shit up.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Right wing Xians have their own wikipedia with actual science and, evidently, history left out of it.

    • bagofmice

      Wikipedia is a bastion of collectively held knowledge, monitored and updated by a community. SOCIALISM!

  • mumbly_[redacted]

    Yes, flubbing and saying the word "fifty" when you meant "forty" in extemporaneous remarks is totally the same as giving a prepared speech, presumably written by a speechwriter who graduated college high middle school, without anybody realizing that the original Lexington and Concord were in Massachusetts, and that New Hampshire, the state you're attempting to pander to, (and every other fucking state in the country) named cities after them in homage.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Hell, when I was a kid I thought that Welch's made jelly with some kind of defeated fruit called "Conquered Grapes."

      Difference between me and 'Chele is that I grew up and am now aware that the grapes were named for their military utility in George Washington's cannons, where they were originally known as Concord Grapeshot.

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    Everybody knows he was talking about the States and the territories. Does anyone believe he doesn't know how many states there are? Why isn't the obvious said in his defense? Oh, yeah, right, the lamestream media is so lame.

    • fatoots

      I think Kenya was included in that number too.

  • nounverb911

    The only people that are stupider than Bachmann are the people that elected her.

    • fuflans

      and more than once.

      • poncho_pilot

        yes. a person can definitely be dumber than Bachmann more than once.

    • And even then not by much, her highest percentage was 52% of the votes.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Bachmann probably believes Athens, GA was the birthplace of democracy.

    • nounverb911

      Where's democracy's long form birth certificate?

    • smokefilledroommate

      …and the cradle of civilization is in Graco's corporate headquarters.

    • user-of-owls

      Democracy, B-52s…whatevah.

      • Radioactive

        She must have had some Rapid Eye Movement dream about it.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Please, Athens is full of homosexual pagans. Michelle knows that real democracy was born in Jerusalem on December 25.

    • neiltheblaze

      And that the Eiffel Tower is in Texas.

      • Negropolis

        I just realized I've seen the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Texas, the Eiffel Tower at Paris Hotel & Casino in Vegas, and the actual Eiffel Tower in Paris.

        Crazily enough, Paris also has a Statue of Liberty, as does Vegas. In fact, Vegas has two replicas.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          All those places probably have Outbacks and TGIFs too. It's part of the homogenization of the world.

          • bagofmice

            I went from working for Microsoft, living on Capitol Hill in Washington, next to the Cheesecake Factory to working for Microsoft, living on Capitol Hill in Washington DC, next to the Cheesecake Factory. Don't EVEN get me started on Mount Vernon.

          • tessiee

            Trivia: Washington State was almost named "Columbia", after the Columbia River, but it was decided not to do this for fear that it would be confused with the District of Columbia.

        • neiltheblaze

          That's just – eh – tragic.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Hmm, a thought. Why aren't the Repubs trying to melt down the Statue of Liberty? It's French, after all.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Thus spake the philosopher Herschelus.

  • Yeah Michele he made a mistake and said oops sorry I made a mistake. He didn't say I made a mistake and it's all your fault for calling me on it and then run to his room screaching I hate you!

    • PsycWench

      Don't forget the part where she yells "You're not the boss of me!", slams the door and puts on annoying music, then fantasizes about the much, much nicer press corps that the other girl is constantly hogging.

    • deanbooth

      So, I told my then 5-year-old son, "You are not allowed to say 'I hate you.'" A few minutes later he turned to me and said "I hate people similar to you."

      I hate people similar to Bachmann.

      • 教授 Zoom

        That's hilarious! I love people similar to your son.

        EDIT: Reminds me of something my ex's brother supposedly said when he was about 7… mom was giving him the "think about all the starving children in Asia" line, and he simply replied, "Name two."

    • poncho_pilot

      but the mental image of Obama doing that is priceless.

  • the_onceler

    Are you people violating her first amendments rights by making fun of her?

    • nounverb911

      Don't we have the same first amendment right to make fun of her?

      • the_onceler

        according to her sister-in-arms, mooselini, no you don't.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta


      • JackMioffer

        Oh, I am an Iron Chef addict, too. Go, Ohta!

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          One of the best shows on TV!

          I've yet to find any music by that oddball Japanese rapper "Korn" who is sometimes a judge, but I SHALL PREVAIL!

          • There should be an Iron Chef/Balls Of Fury crossover.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Did anyone see Glee tonight? (Besides me and any middle school boys reading wonkette.) Kathy Griffin played an Ohio Tea Party Candidate in Sarah Palin glasses and suit who didn't want to award the prize to the boys who sang a duet because "homosexuality isn't in the constitution."

      • fatoots

        Argh spoilers! LOL

        I just got caught up on the Bieber episode. And instead of moving on to the next I check teh Wonkette. (Which might help explain why I am weeks behind in Glee.)

        Is this how Fox News gets away with their shit? By letting the Network side let those Hollywood Liberals make progressive social commentary? Damn you!

        • BlueMonkeh

          it's all about the benjamins, baby…conservatard "comedy" just ain't funny

    • i think michele bachman requires a first amendment solution.

      remember: there's only one 'L' in michele and there's only one 'm' (well, 2) in amendment. think about it sheeple!

      also, i would like to mention, rep. bachman is the rep for my alma mater, the mighty and de-ivied "saint cloud state university". when my friends and i went to this school in the 90s we called it "saint hat state" because everyone everywhere wore baseball caps. at one [slightly illegal] house party, the crowd around us were singing along to something horrible [jewel? limp bizkit?] and i said to my friend "look at them! this is the future of america!" he begged me to stop. i said "no! look at them! these idiots will be leading the country one day!" i never really realized how gross it would all become.

      • poncho_pilot

        i can't vote for this twice, can i?

  • EdFlintstone

    This is going to be a fun ride aboard the Bachmann batshit crazy train this summer and fall. Will Wonkette be putting on extra staff to keep up?

    • HistoriCat

      No extra staff but that's why Ken allowed Jack to take his vacation early in the year. (Ha ha – Japan … no, still not funny for Jack or the Japanese.)

    • yeah i need a fucking job. which one of you's is buying me beer?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Hey you guys, give Michelle Bachmann a break. You try making sense when your brain is constantly being beamed with rays from the Ruskies, Islam and Obama. If she didn't have to take off the aluminum foil in public, she would be just fine. But, without it, you could cook an egg in the hollow inside her head.

    • nounverb911

      Can't she just line her wig with aluminum foil?

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        But if it is in contact with your skin, the rays can be transmitted straight through. You need that dead space to make it work!

        • user-of-owls

          Ahah! You've betrayed yourself with your electrimical knowledge! Know we know what that the [redacted] stands for!

          Lionel HERTZ, Esq!

        • nounverb911

          But isn't the dead space inside her head? (I need a refresher course in tin foil hattery)

  • JackObin

    I wonder if she pronounces strategy strategery? Or perhaps she believes the pie is not stacked high enough or how hard it is to put food on your family? Anyway, she appears to have won the George Bush with tits award.

    • fuflans

      this is ONLY because our kitty isn't around anymore of course.

      and weirdly, kitty and michele one L look a lot alike.

    • mourningnmerica

      Honestly, Bush is Hawkinglike compared to her.

  • chascates

    Sorry, Michele. There's only room for one Professional Victim in the Teatard Party.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Sadly, I fear there is plenty of victimhood to go around Teabag Nation.

      • 教授 Zoom

        Analogy and Discussion:

        Bachmann : Palin :: __________ : Beatles.

        A. Monkees
        B. Rolling Stones
        C. Paul McCartney and Wings
        D. Ruttles

        Please include a brief justification of your answer.

        • fatoots

          B. Stones.

          Bachmann & Palin- how do you really compare the stupid?
          Stones & Beatles – how do you really compare the historic impact on music?

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            I can't top that logic. The one thing I know it is not is the Ruttles, as that would require a bit of self-awareness.

          • poncho_pilot

            Badfinger. no, Plastic Ono Band.

  • iburl

    Michele Marie Bachmann:
    Hence, Anal Crab, Mime Him

    • undeterredbyreality

      Michele Bachman:
      Anemic Ham Belch;
      Mamba Cliche Hen;
      Mama Belch Niche.

      (Take your pick)

  • Chillwaver

    Ah, the good ol' "57-states comeback." Works every time…

    • yes, michele should spend all her time campaigning in guam. take that mitt!

  • user-of-owls

    there’s only 11,000 search results for “Michele Bachmann has a STD in her brain”!

    And there's only 'about' 26,900 search results for Palin hookworm.

    • Radioactive

      Don't get me started!
      These are the top five headlines on said search:
      Sarah Palin flew to Idaho overnight to campaign for a congressional candidate who … style at every pause, they’ll be thinking, “I wonder where those HOOKWORMS are …

      .. this week, we told you about a Christian book publishers plan for a Sarah Palin … Bios pending resolution of the Palin hookworm controversy.

      1) Hookworms. The hookworm is transmitted through fecal matter. The eggs will … Sarah Palin on the other hand was said to be looking into ways …

      Asking about Sarah Palin’s hookworms is intrusive to her family, Trodd, Track, and probably also an attack on Trig. The most lamentable thing, s

      Read about the ridiculous fees the State of Alaska (under former half-Gov. Sarah Palin … Hookworm contamination, lead contamination: only two of the causes

    • sezme

      I heard that Palin's hookworms quit.

      • Negropolis


        That's how self-absorbed that woman is. She won't even let her own parasites eat.

  • Dear Michele: You were in New Hampshire when you made that stupid mistake. You were there because that's where the first primary is held. When politicians go to New Hampshire to campaign they spend most of their time telling doddering old skinflints and yupped-out forty-somethings how wonderful they and their state is and always has been.

    As long as you kiss their white asses you can say all the stupid crap you want about everything else and no one who votes in N.H. will notice. But when you fuck up the easy, basic stuff then you are screwed.

    NOW do you get it, Ms. Shit-for-brains?

    A good friend

    • sezme

      "I've always preferred caucuses to primaries, anyway: more democratic! On to Des Moines, Indiana!"
      -Michele Bachmann

  • Crank_Tango

    But she meant to say Massachusetts! As in "Over there in MA, a shot or two was fired at a specific place." Um ok, why would you even bring that up? Did she mention occurrences in all other neighboring states, and if so, why did she then leave out the Granite State?

    You didn't mean to say Massachusetts, you meant to talk about NH and have no fucking idea about anything.

    • fuflans

      thank you and wish i could give more than one for that.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Then she headed over to Vermont to get in a photo op with The Old Man of The Mountain.

      "Where'd he go?"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Really, should the headline be:

    Michelle Bachmann: Reporting on Me Proves the Media is Dumb

  • iburl

    Sarah Louise Palin:
    Harpie Nails A Soul

    • undeterredbyreality

      Lou Sarah:

      Alas Hour.

      • gef05

        Lou Sarah:


        You have to squint.

    • Beowoof

      Another Stephanie fan? Oh and Michelle and Sarah are just couple of dumb asses that appeal to the fat slob dumb asses of America.

  • SexySmurf

    This is what happens when you get your American history from Gore Vidal.

    • OneYieldRegular

      "And furthermore, New Hamshonians, as that great stateswoman and patriot of this the greatest country that ever existed ever in time ever Myra Breckenridge said…"

  • I heard she caught her STD from unhealthy exposure to Santorum

  • metamarcisf

    If she doesn't cut it as a candidate, Ms. Bachmann has a bright future in beet farming.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Nut farming, I'd say.

  • miss_grundy

    When are these damned Repugnants going to understand that most media in this country are owned by conglomerates whose CEOs vote and donate to the GOP. I'm so tired of these idiots constantly talking about the liberal media. That is a crock of shite! The GOP are just a bunch of dumb and selfish rednecks.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Most journalists have a semblance of an education. When the Batshits of the right see them reading a newspaper of course they don't trust them. Michele tried reading one, but her lips were exhausted before she'd made it halfway through the Women's (aka Lifestyle) section.

  • fatoots

    I fucking hate this woman.

    • DashboardBuddha

      And I hate fucking this woman. (don't ask)

      • 教授 Zoom

        And I hate fuckin' this chicken.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Picture for the win. Truth lives in snark.

    • undeterredbyreality

      This pic should be the new Wonkette shirt.

      • DashboardBuddha

        I would wear it.

    • Negropolis

      Sure does. It burrows in like unsated botfly larvae.

  • gullywompr

    In Bachmann's defense, she is ignorant of American history only because she loves her country so much.

    • fatoots

      If she loves her country so much why isn't she committing adultery like a quality GOP-ers teasing about running for POTUS do? HUH???? Michele girl you are so not ready for prime time.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's unconditional love, like a dog has for its master, no matter how much of an asshole that person is. Except in this case its the "dog" that's the asshole.

  • the_problem_child

    Crazy Christianist lady sez wut? Oh, that. Well, at least she got the coast right.

    • I thought you wrote " cray Christianist lady sex", and I was like, I guess she would be of the crazy/hot persuasion in bed…then I hit myself over the hesd with an anvil for even thinking that.

      • which head?

      • 教授 Zoom

        The Cray Christianist Ladysex 3000 was one of that firm's less popular models.

        • MoeDeLawn

          Didn't Christianist Ladysex 3000 back up Paul Simon and Chevy Chase on that stupid video?

  • DahBoner


    All my romantic relationships are comedies…

  • lulzmonger

    Teh Media hasn't been at all shy about giving fucktons of air-time to people saying deranged shit that makes ANYTHING Bachmann has ever said sound like a Noam Chomsky lecture. Remember Pat Robertson blaming a Haitian earthquake on a pact with Satan? Par for the course these days.

    Yeah, there's a bias, alright: "okay, we heard from the expert who actually knows the subject inside-out … now let's give Apeshit McPsycho equal time for his 'TimeCube On Crack' theory – gotta present both sides of the story!"

    Novelty sells, & batshit-crazy is always novel.

    • DangerHelvetica

      And that batshit-crazy is what created the Tea Party.

    • Was the NZ quake the result of a pact with Gollum? Japan's the result of a pact with Pokemon?

      • SorosBot

        Japan's was the result of atheism; no really, that's what they're saying.

  • Slim_Pickins

    She can't even spell her own name. Everyone knows Mychele has a "y" in it. And no flag pin on the straight jacket! What's with that?

  • gvvt

    Obama 57 states
    About 75,500,000 results (0.06 seconds)
    A fuckin coverup. But it's been proveden concussively that he was referring to the 57 states in the Organization of the Islamic Conference.

    • AngryGeometer

      I thought the "57" was somehow related to mustardgate.

      • gvvt

        57 Varieties of Stupid Fucking Shit…

    • DO ALL AMERICANS A FAVOR AND FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR EMAIL LIST….. With our country at odds with the Muslems [sic], what will happen if Obama is one? Think and pray before voting!

      Well, that clears it all up! For fuck's sake.

  • AddHomonym

    She has traveled extensively in Concord. Or corduroy. One or the other.

  • She is presidential material in the way that Gilbert Gottfried is ( was) the AFLAC duck – she plays one on TV.

  • Badonkadonkette

    No doubt the Pennsylvania Teatard Party was thrilled when she told them "You're the state where Jesus was born in Bethlehem."

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Just wait until she hits the campaign trail and starts talking about Providence, Long Island or Salem, Oregon and the witch trials.

  • Beowoof

    I don't know if it is bias or just shocking how much of dumb ass Michelle really is.

  • Radioactive

    Defend the Stupidity!!1!

  • MiniMencken

    Does anybody else wonder why she was praising a New Hampshire crowd about something that happened in two towns in Massachusetts? Am I missing something?

    • PuckStopsHere

      She believed the events she discussed had occurred in NH. This on account of her being a dumbass.

  • glamourdammerung

    So the media working as a stenographer for the Retard-Americans is clearly biased against them?


  • The_Great_Gazoo

    Thank God for the founding fathers. Without them, we might have slavery in all 57 states. On the other hand, I could use me one of them slaves. Speaking of which, who takes care of all of Mrs. Bachmann's babies?

  • Guppy06

    Sure, they were "technically" in Massachusetts, but it was really by the self-declared New Hampshire militia group, which crossed the border to shoot up those Taxachusetts commies and save us all! It's all right in the Bible!

  • "You're the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord"

    i don't need to tell you all this, but not only did she get the state wrong, but, the shot happened in the COLONY, not the state.

    [this has been edited and much profanity removed]


    [correction: the self-editor stepped out for a moment and allowed the previous statement to be written. the self-self-editor now has control of things and would like to sincerely apologize to all who take offense. thank you.]


    [once again, the self-self-editor has left the building and the only "people" home now are RAGE and REGRET]

    SHE HAS A JOB?!?!?!

    • fatoots

      Again, I hate this fucking woman. But I love redacted.

  • Schmannnity

    This is just smart career planning. First, she gives up her House seat to run for President(TP, Minn). Next, she loses to anyone with an IQ above 70. Finally, she becomes Chief Cartographer, Fox News.

  • ttommyunger

    Barry aside, I never let my kids slide by with the "Johnny did it, too!" defense of stupid. Every one of these Rightards at every political level rushes to embrace that schoolyard tactic. That, and name-calling; yup, really killer in 6th Grade, but in allegedly adult conversations, notsomuch.

  • Badonkadonkette

    It bears mentioning, often, loudly, and biliously, that Meeshel ALSO said "the very founders . . . [who] worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. . . . men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished." JQ Adams was not a "founder." His dad was. Look it up. He also didn't end slavery, any more than John Adams, who was a founding father, did. And the media has barely whispered about that fucktarded fuckup. Nor have they dwelt on the blatantly racist statement by Huckabee that Obama was raised by his father and grandfather in Kenya where he was indoctrinated with an anti-British sentiment. Which Huckabee blamed on "a slip of the tongue." Except Obama was raised by his mom and step father, not his father, and – for a few years – in Indonesia, which was a Dutch, not British colony.

    Yeah, the media has a bias. It's called a "being lazy chickenshit know-nothings who parrot whatever dangerously idiotic meme teatards shit out of their mouths without even so much as pulling up Google to do a fact check" bias.

  • fartknocker

    I am wanting to go to bed. And then I read Wonkette. And then I looked at the comments.

    I only got one thought: Shut the Fuck Michelle. Oral Roberts University never produced any Rhode Scholars and your a useless dipshit. I remember Oral Roberts – and you're neither someone I want Oral and your no Roberts.

    Eat more cheese curds and lose the next election.

    Damn I hope I'm not downfisted. So do the Japanese.

  • XOhioan

    Nice try, Morans! "Liberty" cannot happen in Taxachusetts.

    Also, Plymouth Rock and the Pilgrims. (I'm not making that up, she also put the Plymouth Rock in NH)

    • genxr

      Also, the founding fathers were all Republicans, and the redcoats were Democrats.

  • dogscantlookup

    Did the question (that he has yet to deny) Did Glenn Beck rape and murder a girl in 1990? get Michele Bachmann wet in her pantsu? I'm just saying what everyone is thinking

  • WriteyWriterton

    I don't understand why she doesn't weigh 400 pounds. She has every other crazy-TeaOP trait in superabundance. She really wrecks the correlations.

  • entirely off-topic, but just discovered this video. if you love dogs, this will validate your love. if you hate dogs, shame on you! bad! bad human! no, seriously, watch this whole thing through. there's no english translation but what happens is pretty self-explanatory. (ps, it's good, not sad. watch. you will cry, but for good reasons. we should all treat each other this way.)

    • dogscantlookup

      Happy and sad, I guess that;s why iz a bleedin Leftie ;
      happy life lived, sad life suffered, also ;}
      PS 2 legs good 4 legs just as good .

      • i know, i shouldn't have said it wasn't sad. i meant in comparison where you think you're going to watch some creature get eaten. it is sad, but, ultimately, i hope, heartwarming.

        ps that little 'yelp' at the beginning of the video. for those of you w/ dogs, you know that sound and what it means.

        • dogscantlookup

          I thank you for linking of that vid, a lot of life was destroyed, not just us (humans)
          I do not know if the reports are true but the dogs were rescued and sent to a shelter.
          the link you put up made me cry, for the pain and for the life that will recover,
          I thank you. no snark

    • 教授 Zoom

      "Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."

      –Mark Twain

      • is there anything s. clemens doesn't know?

        • 教授 Zoom

          You should have seen his scathing review of the second-generation iPad.

  • XOhioan

    Michele Bachmann with a pancake-on-a-stick on her head. It's a very good painting.

    • this is not racial transcendence!

      however, it is very enjoyable.

    • dogscantlookup

      Too sexy1

    • XOhioan

      Oh holy shit, I googled the artist Dan Lacey, and came across an article where Orly Taitz is suing him for painting a portrait of her with a pancake on her head:
      You cannot make this stuff up:
      In a motion for reconsideration in the case, Taitz said that she "cannot state with certainty who paid Dan Lacey, however it is common knowledge that billionaire George Soros, one of the biggest backers of Obama, through his organization, has commissioned numerous artists to promote Obama and denigrate his opponents and critics."

  • glamourdammerung

    Speaking of that "biased media", someone took a swing at a union leader in a protest in Texas:

    And here is the assailant waving around his "teabagger flag" :

    Wonder why that is not getting the same press play as Kenneth Gladney's imaginary assailant?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Reporting on that would interfere with FOX's efforts to find even one violent act taking place in Madison. They haven't found one yet, but they're very certain they're going on all the time.

    • Richard Dreyfuss really needs to stop showing up drunk at these events. Is he doing some kind of "teabag ride-along" for an upcoming role?

  • "I'm a man and have a six foot penis."

    and it's well worth the climb.

    • poncho_pilot

      six foot, seven foot, eight foot…

    • DashboardBuddha

      Sorry…bad joke time:

      A man with a 30' long penis was admitted to the hospital. In order to make him more comfortable, they cut a hole in the ceiling above the bed. One day, a nurse came in to find him writhing in agony on his bed. Rushing to his side she asked what was wrong. He told the nurse, there's a fly on the tip…shimmy up and knock if off.

      The nurse wasn't in the best shape, but she did her best…only making it half way. She apologized to the man, but he said it was no problem…do that once more and I'll drown the fucker.

  • pinkocommi

    I would appreciate all of Michelle Bachmann's words says better if they were spoken in Swahili because I don't understand Swahili.

  • BarackMyWorld

    The media loves Obama so much they let every lie about him get repeated 100 times before even trying to fact check it, then hold a panel discussion on why people believe it.

    • Sassomatic

      I love when the media repeats something over and over again, then takes a poll to see if people believe it, then report the results of the poll, in which most people believe what they've been told by the teevee for days, as if it is proof what they have been saying is true

  • BarackMyWorld

    Maybe someone can explain this to me…

    How does Michele Bachmann oppose gay adoption, but is okay with her husband having 23 foster kids?

  • Negropolis

    Sounds like the voices in her head are getting louder. I think what's keeping her from announcing is that there is currently a battle going on in her head. One voice is saying "run for president", the other is demanding that she burn down her house at midnight, and a third is chanting "I want by babyback babyback, babyback, babyback…"

    In a few weeks, will see which one has won out.

    Bat-shit-crazy-mann is so Winning(!) at the moment.

  • Negropolis

    This reminds me of when Benedict Arnold wrote the Declaration of the Constitution on the back of a napkin in a Boston tavern. Yeah, just like that. Then him and future president George Jefferson went dueling under the pale moonlight.

  • That darn Fox News and it's liberal bias, never reporting on Obama's mistakes.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Remember after 9/11 all those poor slobbering bastards who you'd read about gladhanding Dubya and saying "I'm so glad you're the president now, and not — you know…"? I can only imagine what would happen if Michele Bachmann was in charge of anything more critical than a flashlight during any kind of emergency. And of course there'll always be someone dumb enough to say the same thing to Bachmann in this terrifying hypothetical situation — but the difference would be that if someone said that, it would be a sign that things were about to get much much worse.

    • 教授 Zoom

      I dunno, if Bachmann had been president after 9/11, we'd have bombed the hell out of Antarctica and been out within no more than a year or two, tops.

  • Sassomatic

    I would like to point out that notoriously liberal Massachusetts is not Real America anyway. She was only trying to make the Revolution start where it should have started.

  • Quick! Get me a ticket to whatever state Concord is in.

    • Negropolis

      Michele Bachmann: Which Concord are we going to?
      Staffer: Oh, all of them, Katie.
      Bachmann: My name's not Katie, you bitch, it's Michele. You're fired.

  • Come here a minute

    Please give what you can to support the American Encephalosyphilis Society — the life you save could be your own brain-damaged U.S. Rep.

  • Of course, this is radically OT, because I'm much more interested in whether or not Sylvio Berlusconi can actually get it up or is just throwing money at underage hookers to convince everybody else he still can, and so I wrote this:

    Shagging, boning, grinding, pumping
    Getting laid, laying pipe or humping
    Dancing the wild hula, dancing between the sheets
    playing hide the sausage or the two backed beast
    takin' care of business or riding the wild pony
    you ain't got nothin' on Berlusconi
    bunga-bunga, bunga-bunga, bunga-bunga baby
    bunga-bunga, bunga-bunga, ooo, ooo, ooo
    bunga-bunga, bunga-bunga, bunga-bunga baby
    bunga-bunga, bunga-bunga, you can do it, too

    just to direct your attention over here:

  • SaintRond

    That cunt.

  • Negropolis

    Just looked up Michele's hometown on Wiki (Anoka). Apparently, the place labels itself the "Halloween Capital of the World." Yeah, that sounds about right. Who knew suburban Minneapolis was seeking all of this time to corner bat-shit crazy and beat it to death with a bat to inherit its powers?

    The town is also the birthplace of Fox & Friends Gretchen Calrson and Garrison Keillor, which explains even less.

  • Negropolis

    BTW, people like Michele Bachmann is why America can't have nice things.

  • neiltheblaze

    Later, on Facebook she scribbled:" So I misplaced the battles Concord and Lexington by saying they were in New Hampshire. It was my mistake, Massachusetts is where they happened. New Hampshire is where they are still proud of it!"

    Michele: My state of Taxachusetts is actually proud of its rebellious past. We were revolutionaries when Minnesota was a fur-trapping outpost, cuntface.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      In Minnesota, they are still proud of Pasquinale, ze grate trappair, and his hot wife Clay Basket. Oh wait, "Centennial" took place in Colorado. Doh!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That must make it really difficult to drive your car.

    • tessiee

      Or wear pants.

  • finallyhappy

    She should have said(as I always do) " there is no better place to eat than the Common Man in Concord-I especially love the red, white and blue pie"- and I am not running for office(but maybe I should). Also in NH– people from Mass are called Massholes.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      In Rhode Island too. And Texas.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Did she add 7 redneckistan states while no one was looking?


    What others perceived that Michele fails to perceive constitutes liberal bias.

  • mumbly_[redacted]

    Right, at that point, it's less like accidentallly saying fifty when meaning forty eight continental US states, and much much more like saying there's 58 and then proceeding to list the remaining eight or ten: "Baja California., West Dakota, New England, Guam… "

  • ingloriousbytch

    The teatards don't understand that there's a difference between misspeaking and not knowing what the fuck you are talking about.

  • hagajim

    Michele Bachmann – Cunt heard round the world.

  • OneDollarJuana

    You have feet on your penis?

  • MinAgain

    If Michele Bachmann ever starts to sound intelligent, it will serve as an early warning system for the arrival of alien pod people.

  • genxr

    What's really funny is that now every teatard now knows the US has 57 states and territories. So Obama taught them something after all!

  • grendelg

    I'm not saying Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, I'm just asking the question…

  • Redhead

    I suppose, when you consider Fox News to be a bastion of unbiased truth, then you can believe that reporters reporting what happened instead of writing a PR-style piece to make Bachmann look smart and different than she actually is is biased and not a reporter's job.

  • neiltheblaze

    New Hampshire is proud that almost everyone has indoor plumbing now.

  • LeAlbatross

    Bachmann, Cravaack, Pawlenty…

    Sh**. Minnesota is insane.

  • Lawrence O'Donnell, like all of them, gives too much credit. He marveled in one of his Rewrites at the utter ignorance by which this loon operates, with a staff that failed to correct the geography gaff so that she repeated it a day later, and voters who returned her to office with 52% of the vote.

    Calling her and her enablers "ignorant" gives her too much credit. It's like labeling Dohbya and Palin as "incurious." It suggests they have the faculties all to do better, but they're lazy, not crazy nor too lame to comprehend, as the case may be, and is.

    • tessiee

      "Calling her and her enablers "ignorant" gives her too much credit. It's like labeling Dohbya and Palin as "incurious.""

      I wish I could attribute this correctly, but I don't remember who it was who described this ilk as "*aggressively* ignorant".

  • VadersEX

    Palin/Bachman 2012!!!!

  • sportshort

    She is living proof that the Republicans are an Al Qaeda plot. Seriously. How better to destroy us than to put these hyper-patriotic pap smears in positions of power? I ask you.

  • tessiee

    "But alas, the media reported this gaffe anyway, proving once and for all that there is a blatant liberal bias in the media."

    In related news, thermometer blamed for temperature.

  • tessiee

    "only a fool would believe that someone in China could hear musket shots fired in New Hampshire approximately 1,000 years ago. "

    They must be plenty old by now.

  • tessiee

    "Bachmann highlighted moments when President Barack Obama misspoke as a candidate."

    In other words, this millennium's version of, "But the REAL problem is that Clinton got a blow job!!" I was wondering when they'd get around to updating that.

  • mavenmaven

    Obama makes a slip of the tongue about numbers, but she and her gang routinely lies about them (how many gazillion dollars did Obama spend in India? Hidden zillions of health care money? and so it goes)

  • Good for you.

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    neocon michele bachmann
    The Sarah Palin Wannabe

  • imeanwhat

    Bachmann is in overdrive…Her slanderous comments against the Obama Administration are racially charged and completely uncalled for. See what she pulled this time @imeanwhat

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