SAY NO TO DRUGS SAY YES TO TACOS  2:39 pm March 15, 2011

COCAINE FOUND IN SPACE (CENTER)

by Riley Waggaman

CNN REPORTS:

NASA’s Inspector General’s Office says an investigation is under way after a white powdery substance found at the Kennedy Space Center tested positive for cocaine.

“Law enforcement personnel field tested the substance, which indicated a positive test for cocaine,” said Renee Juhans, an executive officer with the office.

“The substance is now at an accredited crime lab for further testing,” she said.

Juhans said that 4.2 grams of a white powdery substance was found in a NASA facility March 7. She could not confirm where, at the Kennedy Space Center, the drug was found.

Scandal follows the Kennedys everywhere, even to space (Miami).

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 58 comments }

Barbara_i March 15, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Weed is prescribed for glaucoma. Maybe cocaine is being prescribed for the astronauts who have mistletoe. Hurts way more than gout.

SorosBot March 15, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Freud prescribed cocaine for depression, so maybe we should start investing our moodiest and most apathetic astronauts.

Barbara_i March 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Maybe Charlie Sheen should start shooting his new pilot "Two and a Half Astronauts."

Gopherit March 15, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Cocaine found in Florida? I disbelieve.

BarryOPotter March 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I know! I just seems so unpossible!

nounverb911 March 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Earth to Major Tom!

SorosBot March 15, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky, we know Major Tom's a junkie.

Gopherit March 15, 2011 at 2:48 pm

"Juhans said that 4.2 grams of a white powdery substance was found in a NASA facility March 7. She could not confirm where, at the Kennedy Space Center, the drug was found."

If it was anywhere but on one of the astronaut's asses, I will be disappointed.

LesBontemps March 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Wouldn't cocaine at the Kennedy Space Center most likely be found at the Kennedy Space Brothel?

SorosBot March 15, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Well astronauts do get higher than anyone else.

Extemporanus March 15, 2011 at 2:50 pm

"Greetings, Earthlings. Take me to your dealer."

SayItWithWookies March 15, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Ha — you got me with that title. For a brief minute I was hoping this would mean Rick Scott could survive if we sent him into deep space.

Barbara_i March 15, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Oh, that's why they call him "Buzz" duh! Didn't need a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

[redacted]89048 March 15, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Someone's gonna be behind the 8-ball.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm

John Belushi?

[redacted]89048 March 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I was thinking Lisa Nowak, but OK.

freakishlywrong March 15, 2011 at 2:54 pm

This is Florida. That's not cocaine, it Meth, bitches!

nounverb911 March 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Bristol moved to Florida?

BloviateMe March 15, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Blastin' a rail in zero-g would be epic.

MinAgain March 15, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Oh, okay. So that's what Tom Wolfe meant by "the right stuff".

freakishlywrong March 15, 2011 at 2:57 pm

"The White stuff"

PsycWench March 15, 2011 at 2:56 pm

“Law enforcement personnel field tested the substance, which indicated a positive test for cocaine,”
Did this field test involve a straw or a rolled-up $20 bill?

DaRooster March 15, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Who has a 20 these daze?

MinAgain March 15, 2011 at 3:23 pm

A rolled schematic for a shuttle. I mean, they won't be needing that any longer.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 15, 2011 at 3:56 pm

More importantly, did the test involve Crockett and Tubbs?

horsedreamer_1 March 15, 2011 at 2:57 pm

At least it's not anthrax. That's one post-9/11 scourge beaten.

ManchuCandidate March 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Movie Execubot 1: I have a great idea!
Movie Execubot 2: This better be good after the whole Mars Needs Moms debacle /shudders/
ME1: Wait for it… Space… Vice… with Drugs… In… Space!
ME2: ?????
ME1: Space Vice. Sort of Miami Vice, but in Space. Everyone will have stubble and wear pastel uniforms. We can hire Edward James Olmos. He was in Battlestar Galactica and Miami Vice. He'd be perfect.
ME2: ?????? Are you high?
ME1: No… um… yes.
ME2: Coke is a hell of a drug! I think this is fucking brilliant!!! I think we can hire Michael Phillip Thomas for a pack of cigarettes and a bag of weed.

nounverb911 March 15, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Wasn't that the plot to "Dune"?

ManchuCandidate March 15, 2011 at 3:05 pm

But this one doesn't have Sting in a speedo.

Tommmcatt March 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

How is that a plus?

ManchuCandidate March 15, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Only if you're a straight male, I guess. We can always throw in Jason Scott Lee in a speedo just for you.

SorosBot March 15, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Drugs in space gave us very bad episodes of both Star Trek: The Next Generation and the original Doctor Who:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symbiosis_%28Star_Tr
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nightmare_of_Eden

Extemporanus March 15, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Tang is a helluva drug.

DaRooster March 15, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Especially the "Poon" type…

Thanks Ted.

Come here a minute March 15, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I'd blame the Russians.

nounverb911 March 15, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Can they see Palin from their houses?

jus_wonderin March 15, 2011 at 3:06 pm

“The substance is now at an accredited crime lab for further testing,”

Why do I see air quotes around "testing"????

DaRooster March 15, 2011 at 3:08 pm

“The substance is now at an accredited crime lab for further testing…”

"Not one of them "Non-Accredited" crime labs…" like the one at my house… damn it.

SorosBot March 15, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Cocaine is a hell of a drug – IN SPACE!

JoeBiteme March 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm

4.7 grams is a LOT of blow, I've heard.

Fred_Wertham_Jr March 15, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Whoever lost that coke-
"Fuck. Oh fuck. Shit. Oh, fuck me. Fuck me dead. Fuck."

SexySmurf March 15, 2011 at 3:31 pm

In space no one can hear you scream for 5 hours about how awesome you are.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm

This must be Gabrielle Giffords' doing. Which means that the shooting in Arizona was not a psycho winger, but just her dealer.

Crank_Tango March 15, 2011 at 3:49 pm

In soviet union, cocaine finds you!

MoeDeLawn March 15, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Spelling fix: Colombia Missions.

Tommmcatt March 15, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Is a 4.2 grams a lot of cocaine? I have no idea at all.

Teeheehee!

RedneckMuslin March 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I think it could have been ALF's. Look at the nose on that guy.

mereoblivion March 15, 2011 at 4:19 pm

NASA and cocaine are sorta the same entity, no? Tons of money that could have been better spent on almost anything else gets wasted to create short-lived bursts of pseudodrama leading nowhere in particular and leaving everyone involved forlorn and confused about why we went and did that.

hagajim March 15, 2011 at 4:48 pm

…and then I got high, and then I got high, and then I got high….

lochnessmonster March 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Whomever keeps leaving their drugs at NASA must have lots of cash…most druggies would make sure they know where their stash is.

OneYieldRegular March 15, 2011 at 5:42 pm

No wonder they keep those "moonrocks" under plexiglass.

ttommyunger March 15, 2011 at 5:54 pm

The Crime Lab released its report, and I quote: "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!! That is some killer shit!".

Negropolis March 15, 2011 at 9:47 pm

It's those illegal (extraterrestrial) alien drug cartels, I tell you. What with their death rays, fly saucers, and insatiable yen for human blood and all.

chascates March 15, 2011 at 9:55 pm

DEFUND THE LIBERALZ NASA & THEIR GOERGE SOROS SOCILIAST DRUGGIES!!11!

iburl March 15, 2011 at 10:15 pm

I concur, also NPR MAKE US TAXPAYERS TO FUND MOSLEM BROTHERHOOD! !!

PublicLuxury March 16, 2011 at 1:17 pm

The guys in Mission Control want to fly high too. Back off them. They need their little pick-me-ups.

MiniMencken March 16, 2011 at 1:55 pm

This is part of my charity program, "Eightballs-for-Spaceballs." Nothing to look at here. Now, move along.

Tommmcatt March 15, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Yes please. Grease him up first. Thank you.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: