say no to drugs say yes to tacos

COCAINE FOUND IN SPACE (CENTER)

CNN REPORTS:

NASA’s Inspector General’s Office says an investigation is under way after a white powdery substance found at the Kennedy Space Center tested positive for cocaine.

“Law enforcement personnel field tested the substance, which indicated a positive test for cocaine,” said Renee Juhans, an executive officer with the office.

“The substance is now at an accredited crime lab for further testing,” she said.

Juhans said that 4.2 grams of a white powdery substance was found in a NASA facility March 7. She could not confirm where, at the Kennedy Space Center, the drug was found.

Scandal follows the Kennedys everywhere, even to space (Miami).

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
What Others Are Reading

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barbara_i

    Weed is prescribed for glaucoma. Maybe cocaine is being prescribed for the astronauts who have mistletoe. Hurts way more than gout.

    • SorosBot

      Freud prescribed cocaine for depression, so maybe we should start investing our moodiest and most apathetic astronauts.

      • Barbara_i

        Maybe Charlie Sheen should start shooting his new pilot "Two and a Half Astronauts."

  • Gopherit

    Cocaine found in Florida? I disbelieve.

    • BarryOPotter

      I know! I just seems so unpossible!

  • nounverb911

    Earth to Major Tom!

    • SorosBot

      Ashes to ashes, funk to funky, we know Major Tom's a junkie.

  • Gopherit

    "Juhans said that 4.2 grams of a white powdery substance was found in a NASA facility March 7. She could not confirm where, at the Kennedy Space Center, the drug was found."

    If it was anywhere but on one of the astronaut's asses, I will be disappointed.

    • LesBontemps

      Wouldn't cocaine at the Kennedy Space Center most likely be found at the Kennedy Space Brothel?

  • SorosBot

    Well astronauts do get higher than anyone else.

  • Extemporanus

    "Greetings, Earthlings. Take me to your dealer."

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ha — you got me with that title. For a brief minute I was hoping this would mean Rick Scott could survive if we sent him into deep space.

  • Barbara_i

    Oh, that's why they call him "Buzz" duh! Didn't need a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

  • [redacted]89048

    Someone's gonna be behind the 8-ball.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      John Belushi?

      • [redacted]89048

        I was thinking Lisa Nowak, but OK.

  • freakishlywrong

    This is Florida. That's not cocaine, it Meth, bitches!

    • nounverb911

      Bristol moved to Florida?

  • BloviateMe

    Blastin' a rail in zero-g would be epic.

  • MinAgain

    Oh, okay. So that's what Tom Wolfe meant by "the right stuff".

    • freakishlywrong

      "The White stuff"

  • PsycWench

    “Law enforcement personnel field tested the substance, which indicated a positive test for cocaine,”
    Did this field test involve a straw or a rolled-up $20 bill?

    • DaRooster

      Who has a 20 these daze?

    • MinAgain

      A rolled schematic for a shuttle. I mean, they won't be needing that any longer.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      More importantly, did the test involve Crockett and Tubbs?

  • horsedreamer_1

    At least it's not anthrax. That's one post-9/11 scourge beaten.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Movie Execubot 1: I have a great idea!
    Movie Execubot 2: This better be good after the whole Mars Needs Moms debacle /shudders/
    ME1: Wait for it… Space… Vice… with Drugs… In… Space!
    ME2: ?????
    ME1: Space Vice. Sort of Miami Vice, but in Space. Everyone will have stubble and wear pastel uniforms. We can hire Edward James Olmos. He was in Battlestar Galactica and Miami Vice. He'd be perfect.
    ME2: ?????? Are you high?
    ME1: No… um… yes.
    ME2: Coke is a hell of a drug! I think this is fucking brilliant!!! I think we can hire Michael Phillip Thomas for a pack of cigarettes and a bag of weed.

    • nounverb911

      Wasn't that the plot to "Dune"?

      • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        But this one doesn't have Sting in a speedo.

        • Tommmcatt

          How is that a plus?

          • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

            Only if you're a straight male, I guess. We can always throw in Jason Scott Lee in a speedo just for you.

          • Tommmcatt

            Yes please. Grease him up first. Thank you.

    • SorosBot

      Drugs in space gave us very bad episodes of both Star Trek: The Next Generation and the original Doctor Who:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symbiosis_%28Star_Tr
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nightmare_of_Eden

  • Extemporanus

    Tang is a helluva drug.

    • DaRooster

      Especially the "Poon" type…

      Thanks Ted.

  • Come here a minute

    I'd blame the Russians.

    • nounverb911

      Can they see Palin from their houses?

  • jus_wonderin

    “The substance is now at an accredited crime lab for further testing,”

    Why do I see air quotes around "testing"????

  • DaRooster

    “The substance is now at an accredited crime lab for further testing…”

    "Not one of them "Non-Accredited" crime labs…" like the one at my house… damn it.

  • SorosBot

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug – IN SPACE!

  • JoeBiteme

    4.7 grams is a LOT of blow, I've heard.

  • http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=351473119155 Fred_Wertham_Jr

    Whoever lost that coke-
    "Fuck. Oh fuck. Shit. Oh, fuck me. Fuck me dead. Fuck."

  • SexySmurf

    In space no one can hear you scream for 5 hours about how awesome you are.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This must be Gabrielle Giffords' doing. Which means that the shooting in Arizona was not a psycho winger, but just her dealer.

  • Crank_Tango

    In soviet union, cocaine finds you!

  • MoeDeLawn

    Spelling fix: Colombia Missions.

  • Tommmcatt

    Is a 4.2 grams a lot of cocaine? I have no idea at all.

    Teeheehee!

  • RedneckMuslin

    I think it could have been ALF's. Look at the nose on that guy.

  • mereoblivion

    NASA and cocaine are sorta the same entity, no? Tons of money that could have been better spent on almost anything else gets wasted to create short-lived bursts of pseudodrama leading nowhere in particular and leaving everyone involved forlorn and confused about why we went and did that.

  • hagajim

    …and then I got high, and then I got high, and then I got high….

  • lochnessmonster

    Whomever keeps leaving their drugs at NASA must have lots of cash…most druggies would make sure they know where their stash is.

  • OneYieldRegular

    No wonder they keep those "moonrocks" under plexiglass.

  • ttommyunger

    The Crime Lab released its report, and I quote: "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!! That is some killer shit!".

  • Negropolis

    It's those illegal (extraterrestrial) alien drug cartels, I tell you. What with their death rays, fly saucers, and insatiable yen for human blood and all.

  • chascates

    DEFUND THE LIBERALZ NASA & THEIR GOERGE SOROS SOCILIAST DRUGGIES!!11!

    • iburl

      I concur, also NPR MAKE US TAXPAYERS TO FUND MOSLEM BROTHERHOOD! !!

  • PublicLuxury

    The guys in Mission Control want to fly high too. Back off them. They need their little pick-me-ups.

  • MiniMencken

    This is part of my charity program, "Eightballs-for-Spaceballs." Nothing to look at here. Now, move along.