republicans in the news

Hilarious Haley Barbour Daily Emails Mock Japanese Quake Victims

I saw cotton and I saw black. Tall white mansions and little shacks. Southern man, when will you pay them back?Here’s something Sarah Palin will be super angry about until somebody (Willow?) tells her Haley Barbour is a Republican: Mississippi white pig Haley Barbour’s press secretary sends out a heehawlarious email news roundup “to Barbour’s staff and other allies” with fun jokes about Janet Reno looking like a man and all those Japs getting killed by the earthquake/nuclear apocalypse. Palin might even type a “Half u no shamez, Halle Barber?” on her Twitter or whatever! But Haley Barbour’s press secretary wants you to know that Haley probably doesn’t even read these things, because he is a six-hundred-pound klan-whale who can’t figure out the ‘puter, so he gets “printouts” of the email, and the jokes are probably not visible on the printouts because of … white southerners are dumb? Yes, let’s go with that, which is all we can figure from this Politico item.

Ben Smith pastes a chunk of these dumb, offensive emails into the Politico content management system:

Otis Redding posthumously received a gold record for his single, “(Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay”. (Not a big hit in Japan right now.)

In 1993: Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become the first female attorney general. (It took longer to confirm her gender than to confirm her law license.)

Related video

Ha ha, Otis Redding. Sounds like a colored name! (“But if he’s black, why did his mama name him ‘Redding,’ haw haw.”) Anyway, there’s your news item about Haley Barbour’s email list which is written by Haley Barbour’s press secretary and not Haley Barbour himself, because come on, Haley Barbour would have as much chance of success trying to type as a walrus would, using flippers, because Haley Barbour is so fat and racist. Anyway, nobody apologized or anything, because it’s your fault for always trying to cause trouble. God, it’s just an email making fun of the Japs getting killed in earthquakes. Did everybody forget Pearl Harbor already? [Politico]

Related

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

155 comments

  1. nounverb911

    "because he is a six-hundred-pound klan-whale"
    Well at least he's too fat to get on a campaign bus.

    1. hagajim

      Not if it's a new bus with a 175 pound average weight limit…oh wait, Haley weighs like 700 doesn't he?

      1. Not_So_Much

        Well, he's republican, so it's totally cool if he just takes up seats needed for five other people.

      2. Sophist [teadacted]

        He could do a whistle-stop tour in a cattle car. Oldschool! Just like his views on race!

    2. Beowoof

      I do believe they might pull his fat ass around behind a tractor on a flat bed. Would be a good fit for this pig wannabe.

    3. comrad_darkness

      If the campaign bus will not get on the mountain the mountain will have to get on the campaign bus.

  2. elviouslyqueer

    It bears repeating: JUST DIE ALREADY, YOU BLOATED PIG FUCKER.

    *storms off, cursing my state*

    1. Not_So_Much

      Check out Maddow's piece on Michigan where they're basically implementing Martial Law and throwing the quaint concept of 'Democracy' into the crapper.

      In my state (ID), they've already very quietly killed the unions, gutted medicare/caid for seniors, defunded education (other than for eLearning software makers) while increasing budget for private prison corporations, and are firmly focused on how to get more guns on college campuses. This rancid shit is everywhere.

      1. [redacted]Crusher

        I would like to think that the stupid shit that the Republiklans do, will get overturned when the adults return to power in 2012, but I would just be living in a Fool's Paradise.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      It bears repeating: JUST DIE ALREADY, YOU BLOATED PIG FUCKER.
      *storms off, cursing my state*

      State of agitation?

      1. elviouslyqueer

        Utter frustration, more like. Our state motto really should be "Hey, somebody's got to be #50."

        1. BlueMonkeh

          Here in Nebraska our motto is "at least we're not Kansas or those puppy-haters in Missouri!"

    3. elviouslyqueer

      Actually recently relocated just south of the border, to scenic DeSoto County. And Travis Childers said nothing, ironically.

    4. MozakiBlocks

      Well there is the old saying that "Mississippi exists so that the folks in Alabama can feel better about themselves."

  3. nounverb911

    "Otis Redding posthumously received a gold record for his single, “(Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay”. (Not a big hit in Japan right now.)"
    We should remember this next time a hurricane hits Mississippi.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      It does sound a lot like the kind of insensitive, non-PC, dark humor you might find here.

      So I can't damn them enough for stealing our schtick.

      1. sezme

        These were my thoughts as well. As racism goes, this is weak sauce. Needs moar wattermellin!

    2. An_Outhouse

      My brother was stationed in Mississippi so I had to pretend to give a shit about those backward, pig fucking retards. He has been moved somewhere else so fuck Mississippi and all their inbred relatives. Like we could stop them.

  4. OC_Surf_Serf

    Sure glad his state was never hit by a huge surge…

    oh, wait

    2005 produced the highest storm surge ever recorded on the U.S. coast–an astonishing 27.8 feet at Pass Christian, Mississippi

    1. Weenus299

      He lost his fuckin half-million-dollar vacation home. I'm sure he grieves monetarily, somehow, through his salty pork skin.

      1. OhNoGuy

        A half million dollar house in Mississippi? Does that mean there's an outhouse for every bedroom?

  5. PublicLuxury

    Do you think the new transportation rules will give the Haley (isn't that a girl's name) enough room?

    1. SorosBot

      For some reason, a lot of male Southern politicians have girl's names (see also Lindsey Graham).

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      You know, I was supposed to report for active duty to Biloxi AFB on the day Camille came ashore. I decided to wait a day in Jackson, one of my better decisions.

      Up to about a half mile inland, it looked a lot like the scenes from Japan — buildings gone, piles of cars and trucks, 200-300 foot ships dropped on dry land — but I don't think storm surge carries the sheer mass of water as does a tsunami. A mile inland, there was some back-bay flooding, and damage from the dozens of tornadoes, but not utter devastation.

      And, the last time I was in Biloxi, which was a couple of years later, it didn't look like they had even begun to recover.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    Such cutting-edge humor is sutrely work of someone younger than Haley (such a cute name!). It must the worker tasked with reaching out to the Youngs; you know, the 60 year-old aide.

  7. OkieDokieDog

    He is not responsible for his personal assistant/employee slave person. Hell, he's not even responsible for himself. All his actions are either an act of God or caused by the Devil.

  8. neiltheblaze

    To be fair, when Katrina hit Mississippi ol' Haley probably laughed about those victims too.

      1. OhNoGuy

        Are you kidding? The whites have been steppin' and fetchin" for Haley and his ilk for generations. They never git tard uf et.

        And Haley's been laughing at them since he was in diapers.

        The first time.

  9. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    So we're sending Haley over to feed the Japanese, cuz they love whale and all. Now that's funny!

  10. edgydrifter

    What, no Carole King reference? C'mon, Haley–she's white and sang a song about the earth movin'. I can't believe you missed this one. It's so you.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      I can't believe he missed it, either. That song was culturally relevant about 40 years ago; and Haley Barbour (and Mississippi) has almost caught up to where the rest of the country was 40 years ago.

  11. memzilla

    Anagrams of Haley Barbour include: Hear Your Blab, Real Baby Hour, Abhor Lay Rube, Hoary Lube Bar, and Bra Hauler Boy.

  12. Ducksworthy

    And the White Citizens Council wasn't that bad except for those times they killed people and blew up those churches that one time. Please let this man run for Preznit.

  13. Beowoof

    Mississippi was a shit hole before Katrina, and with guys like Haley around it will remain a shit hole, over weight BBQ swilling slobs with no education, the highest number of poor people living in trailers. And they have the balls to make fun of people who are being devastated by natural disaster? Awesome politician.

  14. EatsBabyDingos

    Bay St Louis is now on God's "Do unto others" naughty list. Poor fuckers. One of my old buddies had his sister and brother float away in Bay St Louis; they lived, but were pretty scarred by the trauma last summer when they were in town.

    Whaley says "I can always run faster than a Thalidomide baby!"

  15. Weenus299

    I guess it would be a bad thing for me to wish Haley Barbour his ornery likes into internment camps. I guess not the best thing to joke about right now.

  16. Not_So_Much

    Meh, they'll all just "do a Cheney" and go with bloodpumping backpacks. Having a pulse is sooooo 90's.

    1. tessiee

      With all due respect to the late Mr. Cole, I lived in the South for ten years and more of my only life (operatic gesture of anguish), and I met plenty of non-government people who were disgustingly racist. I'll just make a point of being fair, here, and mention that I've also met racist people in the North, East, and West — but not to the same degree. Just my observation.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Conservatives have really long memories and never let a grudge go. I was at a gun show recently and there was a guy selling "Hanoi Jane" urinal targets.

    2. Sparky_McGruff

      Well, they just graduated to the inter-tubes quite recently, so it probably still feels like 1993. Why do I have a feeling Haley Barbour still passes around those 9th generation photocopies of racist jokes and right-wing political nonsense my Grandfather used to show me in the Reagan era?

  17. bitchincamaro2

    Dude looks like God reached down his throat, grabbed him by his hemorrhoids, pulled him inside out and stuck his feet in cowboy boots.

  18. Extemporanus

    That topical Otis Redding joke works on two levels, you guys: Not only does Japan no longer have docks upon which Redding could rest his weary bones, but he died when his plane crashed into a lake…in Madison, Wisconsin!

    When Haley Babar dies, I hope his blubber is rendered into candles to mourn dead Japanese people and black American soul singers.

    1. Rotundo_

      Just so long as they don't give up and try blowing him up with C4 like that one that beached a few years back, showering a crowd and a news team filming it, in rotten whale blubber, really really big chunks of rotten whale blubber. That would just be too much the metaphor for Hailey and his brand of politics.

  19. GregComlish

    I'm not really sure what Otis Redding's song has to do with the Tsunami. I guess that anybody who actually was "sitting on the dock of the bay" is now dead?

    Even if I were to accept that laughing at dead Japanese is "funny" in some racist context, it still seems like the reference itself is too far a stretch and falls flat. He just picked some random ass "Ocean" themed song. Why not at least go for something more specific and obviously crass like Wipeout since, HAHA, Japan got Wiped Out by a huge ass wave, GET IT???

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    It's okay for Haley Barbour and/or his staff to make fun of the Japanese, because they are in possesion of "yellow" skin, and yellow is just a lighter shade of brown.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      Does that mean it's okay to make fun of the people who have yellow skin from the diabeetus?

  21. SheriffRoscoe

    Haley Barbour demonstrates the concept of plausible deniability: Just make sure you're so stupid no one would ever think you were personally capable of sending out an offensive email. This is also where being morbidly obese helps.

  22. user-of-owls

    You know who I feel a lot of pity for on days like this? The poor battered keys on Ken's keyboard.

  23. Gorillionaire

    Barbour is lucky that the good people of Greenpeace have so far been able to prevent the Japanese from harpooning him and turning his flesh into fancy cat food.

    1. riverside68

      Ain't no cat gonna touch that shit.

      Dog food maybe, probably just end up with the hogs

  24. MrsBiggTime

    Every time I see a headline that includes the name "Haley Barbour," I read intently, hoping to see the terms "wetsuit," "anal plug," and "auto-erotic asphyxiation" all within the lede.
    Alas, not this time. But I'll keep reading.

    1. comrad_darkness

      He looks more like the courting horses sort. So you need to look for keywords like "intestinal hemorrhage." Be ever hopeful.

    2. PresBeeblebrox

      Like this Jeebus-minister from Alabammer?

      "The decedent is clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving gloves and slippers. There are numerous straps and cords restraining the decedent.. There is a leather belt around the midriff. There is a series of ligatures extending from the hands to the feet. The hands are bound behind the back. The feet are tied to the hands. There are nylon ligatures holding these in place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There are plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower neck. There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom… Personal Effects: One yellow metal ring intact on the left ring finger, one dildo."

      1. Rotundo_

        Did the report mention if the dildo in question was still running? I have this mental image of the coroner cutting the wetsuit off the good rev, and a neon pink 12 inch "Anal Intruder IV" sliding out of the good rev and landing in a puddle of Santorum still buzzing dedicatedly away on the cold tile floor…
        Brain bleach! Two Gallons STAT!!

    3. Ms Nippon Quasimodo

      This would be a fantastic new internet meme like Santorum. The "Haley Barbour" (shortened "haleybarber") is an autoerotic sex act involving wearing a wetsuit, anal plug, and temporary hanging for the asphyxiation experience.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      But he's twice the person she'll ever be. OK, more like 3 times; she's what? About 6' 2" and 195 lbs?

  25. donner_froh

    It seems that idiots like Haley and the even greater idiots that he hires will never understand this crazy thing called the internet and you don't have to print something out and physically deliver it anymore.

    They don't really understand advanced concepts like "forward".

    1. genxr

      Reminds me of this time, years ago, I was developing a web site for a large well-known organization (name withheld to protect the innocent). One of the executives wanted to review the web site before we launched, and asked for a printed copy. Ummmmmm… yeah. It took some explaining.

  26. Tundra Grifter

    The Beechcraft airplane carrying Otis Redding crashed about 300 miles from where Buddy Holly was killed in a Beechcraft. Last night we watched "The Buddy Holly Story" – a great movie!

    1. SorosBot

      There's been so many musicians and politicians killed in plane crashes – Otis Redding; Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper; half of Lynnyrd Skynnyrd; Aaliyah; John Denver; Paul Wellstone; John Heinz; Ted Stevens; the guy who beat Ashcroft while dead; JFK Jr; half of the cabinet of Poland – it almost makes one suspect there's something dangerous about flying in a small plane in bad weather.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Don't forget Stevie Ray Vaughn, Reba McIntyre's band, or Patsy Cline, Cowboy Copas and Hawkshaw Hawkins (who took Billy Walker's seat).

        If you read "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" you'll learn about the aircraft deaths of several Central and South American political leaders who disagreed with American economic dictates.

        If it's a bad idea to fly in a small plane in bad weather, it's a very bad idea to get on an airplane after you've told the USA or the IMF (if there is a difference) that you're not going to follow the economic policies laid out for you…

      2. LibrulEleet

        And then there are the victims of non-accidental plane crashes, like Larry McDonald and Barbara Olson.

    2. tessiee

      "Last night we watched "The Buddy Holly Story" – a great movie!"

      Best acting of Gary Busey's career, imo.

  27. 4tehlulz_lite

    MittRomney @HaleyBarbour Of course Japan doesn't like Otis Redding, they're more into New Wave.

    less than 5 sec ago from ass

  28. MinAgain

    Ah, Mississippi. Still making it possible for the other southern states to hold their heads up in public.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      This is good news for Tennessee. And Louisiana. And it's fucking GREAT news for Alabama.

  29. WhatTheHeck

    I’d like to say “he’s a piece of wort,” but that would imply there’s something bigger than him.

  30. chicken[redack]

    Photo looks like Bill Shatner at a Trekkie convention, instead of at home, killing his wife.

  31. Crank_Tango

    Yeah I was real proud of MS for electing such a big old lesbian until I found out that Haley is also a boy's name. Well I never actually found that out tho.

  32. Fare la Nippon

    Haley, even when she was pushing 80 my grandmother knew how to read e-mail.

    You shouldn't even be in charge of a port-a-john.

  33. horsedreamer_1

    That's a might fancy bottled water Ol' Haley is enjoying.

    Why isn't the well water good enough for him? Teabaggers, why don't you ask him?

    1. CliveWarren

      Racism doesn't exist. Ipso Fatso, Haley ain't no racist.

      Besides, some of his best porns are Japanese. Also too, his critics are the REAL racists for bringing nationality of the dead into the discussion in the first place, as well… Haley celebrates all furriner-death equally.

  34. MiniMencken

    As the venerable Dean Wormer once observed, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

  35. BarackMyWorld

    So, now that he's been busted again saying something STUPID, will he backpedal like he did with the White Citizens Council comments, or will he just straight-up blame the media like he did when he starting bitching about why tourism was down following last year's gulf oil spill.

    Now, I'm not saying that Haley Barbour says a lot of stupid things, but isn't it interesting that he says lots of things that are stupid?

  36. comrad_darkness

    You liebruls are 10X worse than racists what with you're insinu-ating that God-givin' patriotz could so much as be racist.

    (Testing if this gets downfisted by pig-fucker trolls…)

    1. Ms Nippon Quasimodo

      The poors can't get contraception (without difficulty), abortions (few providers/facilities), and they have abstinence sex ed, and the schools suck, so whut'ya expect? It's the Republican strategy to increase the south's birthrate and hence population, for census reasons (check out the 2010 census results), and to ensure a constant supply of serfs for their low wage, no benefits factories.

  37. joobajooba

    You know what makes me madder than a 600-pound klan whale in a sardine can? You can't get Weekly World News at the supermarket. I want my Ed Anger in print!

    1. crybabyboehner

      I knew Ed Anger (true) and I honestly believe that if he were around today he would be directing his ire at bloated sacks of shit like Haley Barbour.

      1. joobajooba

        Cool! I met Walter Scott ("Personality Parade") once. And I knew Loose Lips. (Both true). But Ed Anger, he's a legend!

  38. mavenmaven

    laugh all you want but he probably just got a huge amount of money from China as a result of that joke.

  39. fuflans

    it used to be that even republican politicians running for office (or thinking of running) kept their inside voices, you know, inside.

  40. PalinPussyPower

    Same rule applies here that applied to Gov. Christie: NEVER TRUST A MAN WHO CAN'T SEE HIS OWN DICK. Never.

  41. comrad_darkness

    Let's summarize: Staff member of androgynously fat man with girl's name from a state that regularly gets flooded by the ocean makes stupid ass jokes about gender and people in far away places getting swamped by the ocean.

    Yup, my Grand Unified Theory that Republican==utter lack of self-awareness still stands.

  42. LeAlbatross

    I wonder if I can have myself deported? We have the GOP not even hiding their disdain for anyone below the $250K/year line, a president who started big and has done some great stuff, but who seems to get drowned out by a bunch of backronym-lovin' morons faster than a Spanx givaway at WalMart, and NPR rolls over and over and over. The Dems don't seem to be able to get their biological waste product in proper bagging and seem to be relying on moral superiority.

    Okay. Now that I've vented. Who wants cookies?

    1. Rotundo_

      I'm thinking before too much longer we might qualify for political refugee status for some of the more saner nations. Hell, Sweden might even buy the idea now! Do you suppose???

    1. Jukesgrrl

      White people don't talk on cell phones in the library? She should come to Arizona. Some people use them in the post office, too, while staring directly at a huge sign that says "Please step outside to use your cell phone," if my visit yesterday is any indication.

  43. MiniMencken

    Ooo! Ooo! I got a good one for you, Haley "Mills" Barbour! Try posting, "That Eleanor Roosevelt, she's so ugly, on Halloween, she trick or treats by 'phone!"

  44. Redhead

    Has anyone confirmed that Barbour is a human and not a cow? Because I imagine that's been going on since before any confirmation of anything with Janet Reno started.

  45. Negropolis

    "Klan-whale" is about as awesome a neologism as I've seen in awhile. I'll be using that in everyday speech, you better believe, what with all of the obesity and diabetes and gout and such, these days. These fat-fucks couldn't even fit in their grandpappies klan robes, bless their prematurely clogged, oversized hearts.

  46. Negropolis

    Janet Reno jokes? Really? You missed her poking fun of herself on SNL, oh, ten fucking years ago, that's all.

    If you're going to go with offensive jokes, at least go all out and try to make them extra racists/sexist/xenophobic oh, and yeah, even marginally humorous. I mean, how the fuck are you going to work Otis Redding into an offensive joke and not make note that he was black? You even suck at offensive jokes.

    Lame Joke Fail.

  47. ttommyunger

    These Southern Rightards always seem to shoot upwards: First, Otis Redding had more money, a bigger dick and got shitloads more pussy than Haley. Second, the average Japanese has more intelligence and culture in their little finger than Haley or his ilk could ever hope to have in their entire bloated artery-clogged body. Third, Janet Reno's pee-crusted labia has more intelligence than Haley has in his entire reptilian stem that passes for a brain.

  48. franco_pinyon

    Who do you suppose puts Haley's socks on for him? No way he can do that himself.

    Not that he is too dumb to put on a sock (close) but with that belly? Uh-uh.

Comments are closed.