but muslims hate ham radio

IRA Terrorist Peter King Now Wants To Take America’s Amateur Radio Band

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It's funny because Ham Radio people are all nutty conspiracy Tea Party old dudes.We thought he was plenty busy hating on Muslims — and why can’t the Muslims just shut their halal-holes and enjoy America’s endless bloody pointless murderous wars against Muslim countries, anyway? — but Rep. Peter King is also trying to shut down America’s ham radio frequencies.

Why? To swap ’em for some new “broadband for cops” wireless thing, because if there’s one thing the cops need, it’s more ways to talk to each other on radios. Oh, and because the current cop band is being sold off to the private sector, because the Federal Government sells the airwaves because it can, and if you maybe have a pirate radio station playing the hip hop or revolution rock, actual armed agents will arrive and take your shit and, eventually, put you in prison.

From the ARRL amateur radio website:

H.R. 607 lists, among the bands to be reallocated for commercial auction within ten years of the passage of the Bill, the paired bands 420-440 MHz and 450-470 MHz.

The inclusion of most of the Amateur 70-cm spectrum as one of the replacement bands is a major problem. The 420-440 MHz band is not Public Safety spectrum and should not be included in any spectrum swap of Public Safety allocations.

While the ARRL and all Amateurs support the work of Public Safety and recognize their need for dedicated spectrum which would promote interoperability, the ARRL vigorously opposes HR 607 in its present form. HR 607 is a direct threat to our limited spectrum and the ARRL encourages all amateurs to appropriately voice their opposition to this bill.

Sorry if that can only be understood by weird old guys with a “shack” full of transceivers behind the house. The rough translation can be found on this Metafilter post:

They’re trying to get rid of HAM radio because when they pull the plug on the internet and cellphones they don’t want anybody talking with anyone. In the event of an Egypt-like blackout, HAM might be one of the few avenues left for free communication.

Again: They’re taking this away because they’re planning to openly oppress us at some point in the future.


Sponsored Intermission

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Beowoof

    I trust my teabagger leaders such as Peter King and Scott Walker to always do the right thing on behalf of their bosses the Koch Brothers.

    • BarryOPotter

      Unfortunately for America the Boned, your trust is well placed.

  • Barbara_i

    Wow, it took them long enough to figure out that Ham radio is actually, short for Hamas radio. Now they should just shut down all the Radio Shacks and we can get back to going through airport security without having to take a morning-after pill.

    • poncho_pilot

      i do not like green eggs and hamas. i do not like them Uncle Sam i am.

      • Come here a minute

        Do you like green eggs and ham radio?

    • horsedreamer_1

      This is even funnier, to me, since one of the few HAM enthusiasts I have known was the guitar-player/choir at my Catholic parish growing up. (He & his wife led the song — she also played tambourine — & all three kids, named after Gospellers & Old Testament prophets, were altar-boys.)

    • [redacted]Crusher

      Remember the good ol days, when Ham Radio was the only way for the wingnuts, conspiracy theorists, and general dirtbags had to correspond to each other?

  • Bezoar

    More of us should learn Morse code and how to fabricate and operate continuous-wave radio transceivers. They can be made from burned-out miniature fluorescent light bulbs; the squiggly ones. I'm not kidding, that's how it's done in Cuba.

    • DickChud

      .–. . – . .-. | -.- .. -. –. | .. … | .- -. | .- … … | .– .. .–. . | ..–.. |

    • MikeHawkstrong

      .–. . – . .-. | -.- .. -. –. | .. … | .- -. | .- … … | .– .. .–. . | ..–.. |

      • CapnFatback

        Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, people?

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Yes indeedy.

      • [redacted]byreality

        Google Translate Fail.

      • Radio[redacted]™

        .–. . – . .-. -.- .. -. –. .. … .- -. .- … … .– .. .–..

        • not that Dewey

          .. –. — – .-..-. .- … … .– .. .–. . .-..-.

    • ThankYouJeebus

      Smoke signals or GTFO.

    • [redacted]Crusher

      Carrier pigeon.
      Until we are forced to eat them.

  • nounverb911

    "In the event of an Egypt-like blackout, HAM might be one of the few avenues left for free communication."
    I'd pay to see Peter King go door to door to confiscate the HAM radios.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Given his gut, I think he's been confiscating plenty of ham &/or corned beef, across the years.

  • nounverb911

    Are HAM radios halal or even kosher for that matter?

    • horsedreamer_1

      They're definitely not Vegan.

      Moby will not be doing live-feeds of his protest-techno (protechno?) on them.

  • fuflans

    go straight to hell, boys

    • el_donaldo

      the immigrants, they want to sing all night long

  • doloras

    Sinn Fein just won 14 seats in the Irish Republic's legislature, so Peter King probably thinks that's the secret sign to go full IRA terrorist.

    • DaSandman

      Cause Mr. Helmet Head went full retard a long long time ago…

    • horsedreamer_1

      But how much of that was populist reaction to the collapse of Irish home-prices & economy, in general?

      (For comparison's sake, the IRA political wing having a block in Ireland's parliament would be the same as if the Militia of Montana & Black Panthers actually got seats in the U.S. House. But, they don't, 'cause our "populists" are pussies on scooters who don't want to do anything, just want to talk it to death ("going Galt").)

      • doloras

        Bad comparison. Modern-day Sinn Féin are more like the modern day ANC or Sandinistas – i.e. vaguely liberal pols in suits and ties who are still cruising on the fact that they used to be bad-asses with guns before they grew up and made nice with bankers. Some say that the impetus for this transformation came on 9/11 when suddenly "freedom fighting" became unfashionable for their funders in the US.

    • zhubajie

      Other IRA factions have been offering to shoot bankers!

  • GhostBuggy

    Look, can we just skip to the part where the firemen come 'round to burn our books? And more importantly, where does porn fall on the list? Do they burn that, or can I keep it?

    • el_donaldo

      Well, unless you're a HAM radio fan, and therefore have a desk full of old Hustlers, your porn is digital and therefore safe.

      • poncho_pilot

        as opposed to old hustlers with desks which are the people who want to confiscate HAM radios.

      • GhostBuggy

        For the record, I couldn't pick a HAM radio out of a lineup of other outdated boxes of wires and speakers. But re: "analog" porn, sometimes old playthings are the best playthings.

    • Jukesgrrl

      There's one anti-porn contingency in the tea-bagger movement; others, like Rush for instance, can't get enough of it. But I think they all want to confiscate your condoms. We can't let the muslins get ahead of us on child production.

  • AddHomonym

    How can one hate both ham and Muslims? On the other hand, mmmmmm, ham!

    • light of firefly

      It technically isn't ham if you slice it off King's back, but I'm sure it tastes about the same.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    But surely they wouldn't take my ham biscuits, would they?

  • The_Great_Gazoo

    More reason to believe that people who walk around thinking they are hearing voices in their heads may actually start hearing voices in their heads.

  • XOhioan

    If we sold Peter King, I wonder how much he'd bring?

    • ttommyunger

      If we could buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth we'd make a fortune.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Soylent Kelly Green?

    • BarryOPotter

      If we sold Peter King, I wonder how much he'd bring?

      A lawsuit seeking recourse for the selling obviously damaged goods with the intent to cause grave mental harm and kick off Tourette-like spouting of "WTF!?" Were the buyer an overseas gov't, it'd clearly be an aggressive act of war…

    • zhubajie

      Only a very specialized whorehouse would want someone so fat and ugly. Maybe a coal mine?

  • OkieDokieDog

    What fucking country am I living in?

    • Downfistroll


      Pick the one that makes you vomit the least.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Upper Mexico? I like. Eventually, though not so much as fulfillment of Ralph Nader's nattering, the Democrats will be subsumed by the GOP, & the two parties will re-brand as the New PRI. But, who will be our Gustavo Diaz Ordaz?

    • proudgrampa

      What PLANET are we on???

    • zhubajie


  • ttommyunger

    I don't need no stinkin radio.

    • Radio[redacted]™

      ttommy, I am heartbroken.

      • ttommyunger

        Didn't say I didn't want one, or use one. Just saying I could live without one if I had to. Hell, I don't even turn TV on some days, being a geezer and all.

        • zhubajie

          Get the wind-up radio and the wind-up computer to go with it!

          • ttommyunger

            Sounds like a plan ;)

  • nounverb911

    "You can have my HAM radio when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."
    C. Heston NRA

  • facehead

    Time to stock up on string and empty (non-halal) soup cans.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    It'll be a cold day in hell when they take my battered CB Radio from my hands.
    10-4 good buddy.

  • bumfug

    Next to go – soup cans and string.

    • Radio[redacted]™

      Then smoke signals.
      Oh wait, those are native american methods and we never learned anything from them.

      • horsedreamer_1

        If Canada/New Zealand/Spain aren't options, I'd recommend holing up at an Indian Reservation when the Civil War comes. As they're sovereign territory, you would be "off the reservation", as it were, & away from the crazy.

        • fatoots

          True that! And you get the gambling and fine dining!

        • zhubajie

          Learn Spanish and all of Latin America is open to you!

          • HistoriCat

            Belize may be really poor but at least they speak English there.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Why? To swap ‘em for some new “broadband for cops” wireless thing, because if there’s one thing the cops need, it’s more ways to talk to each other on radios.

    ALL CITY ALERT: Car 54 reporting – Dunkin Donuts special 9AM – 10:30 AM.

  • SayItWithWookies

    At last — you know the GOP has truly lost their base when the death-camp-FEMA-trailer crowd gets riled up over something they do. Go to it, folks — what I'm really looking forward to is a new Ross Perot to come out and sink the Republicans in 2012.

    • 738838

      She lives in Alaska.

      • Terry

        Ross actually ran a successful company and made himself a fortune through hard work. Snowbilly, not so much. Ross is crazier than a june bug, but he's not a dimwitted grifter.

        • http://www.fifthinternational.org/content/education-programme 4TheTurnstiles

          The space between Perot and Palin tells you everything you need to know about America's trajectory since 1992.

    • horsedreamer_1

      It will prolly be the CEO of Whole Foods… & he'll take almost as much from Dems as Reps.

      • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews/ cheaphits

        Maybe if the GOP disses Trump, he could go rogue. Lots of name recognition and money.

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        "A $25 organic chicken in every pot!"

  • http://www.rememberancientweb.com/ AKbum


  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    But how will Glenn Beck fans communicate with each other?

    • Barbara_i

      Landlines with rotary dials.

    • CapnFatback

      Through surreptitious grocery lists left lying around Wal-mart, natch.

    • zhubajie

      By sniffing each others' ass-holes, like dogs do.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Do the fans actually communicate, or do they just get messages from the intellectual mothership?

    • MarcelleMarceau

      Smoke signals, that's how.

  • KnaveOfDiamond

    It's just a part of the GOP's ongoing assault on all things "public" and "radio".

  • carlgt1

    obviously that must be the band the Muslin terrists use to communicate. I donate this theme song to King's CB band:

    cuz we got a teabag convoy,
    stompin' on workers rights
    we got a teabag convoy,
    Clarence Thomas is a beautiful sight!

    come on and join our convoy,
    no libruls gonna get in our way,
    we're gonna roll this teabag convoy,
    over all the Muslins and gays — convoy!

  • chicken[redack]

    As a ham operator, I can tell you that the 440 is unimpressive anyway. It doesn't enjoy good signal strength, and if you find someone to ratchet with, they're even lonelier than your average simplex 2 meter ham (amirite?)

    But the ARRL does a lot of impressive work; they'll wad this bill up and set it on fire.


    • Jason_inthe_Peg

      You get a fist up for seeming to know what you're talking about ( I wouldn't know one way or the other).

    • not that Dewey

      We have the 2m "megalink" repeaters around here. That shit is funny. It's mostly truckers discussing their dinner plans — which apparently can go on for HOURS.

      • Black_PR

        If you ever get the chance, listen to 80-meters. This is where the ham subculture known as the "Ragchewers" (think sleestacks) hang out. They can spend many, many hours discussing their latest bout of gout, arthritis, a particularly satisfying turkey sandwich they had days ago, interspersed with long periods of the sound of a guy breathing while he tries to figure out what to say next.

        I disagree with the original poster, though.. 70cm is very useful for the sporty set (all 3 of us) to use while backpacking, or whatever. Hunters use it. Some of the 70cm repeaters in the Denver area are very popular. But it is a short range, relatively poor propagation band. It is, never the less, valuable. This stupid bill also has the side effect of instantly obsoleting a bunch of rather expensive equipment.

  • CapnFatback

    Yes, but will this affect honeycooked ham turkey radios as well?

  • pukebot

    let me quote the only social criticism allowed on tee vee, the simpsons. "i have a ham radio".

    • not that Dewey

      Homer: We'll search out everywhere a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to!

      Lisa: I'll start with Radio Shack.

    • Doktor[redacted]

      "I also have a ham radio."

  • [redacted]byreality

    The other one true profit:

    I was seriously thinking about hiding the receiver
    When the switch broke 'cause it's old
    They're saying things that I can hardly believe
    They really think we're getting out of control

    Radio is a sound salvation
    Radio is cleaning up the nation
    They say you better listen to the voice of reason
    But they don't give you any choice 'cause they think that it's treason
    So you had better do as you are told
    You better listen to the radio

    I wanna bite the hand that feeds me
    I wanna bite that hand so badly
    I want to make them wish they'd never seen me

    Wait, what? Wrong radio?

    • ThankYouJeebus

      Are you talking about a Bible Profit?

      • [redacted]byreality

        You betcha!

        • ShaveTheWhales

          So far, I like your Profits.

  • [redacted]byreality

    OT: Miyagi Prefecture in Japan being engulfed by tsunami from 7.9 quake. I hope they have ham radios to warn others.

    Edit: They are saying it was a magnitude 8.4 now.

    • pinkocommi

      CNN has reported it was 8.9. My heart goes out to the people of Japan. A terrible, terrible tragedy.

      The devastation is so horrible, it is hard to snark, but if I were to snark, I would say: The Japanese must have a lot of buttsecks for God to smite them down so horribly.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Were two atomic bombs not enough?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      What's with these elitist scientists and their ever-changing "numbers"? Virginia's Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli should stop wasting time on "crime" and get busy on this scandal. Can they prove the earth actually "quaked"?
      OK, it's OT and probably in poor taste, but the impact of global warming will be vast yet studying it in Virginia will get you a subpoena from Mr. Cucinelli.

    • [redacted]Crusher

      Thank God we have Piyush Jindal to save us from volcano monitoring!

  • pinkocommi

    First they came for the communists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

    Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

    Then they came for the ham radios, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an anti-social loser.

    Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

    • natoslug

      As much as it pains me to say this, as long as there is Twitter, someone's going to be speaking out. So at least there's one more step in your slide into teabagging totalitarianism.

  • Extempor[redacted]


  • Extempor[redacted]


    • Doktor[redacted]

      strangely enough, I know what you're talking about.

      • Extempor[redacted]



    • zhubajie

      Golden Man, are you back from the dead?

      • Extempor[redacted]


        HEE HEE!

  • Extempor[redacted]




    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Haha remember when the US almost started a war with Iran a couple of years ago because some speedboats were in the Persian Gulf and some jackass on a US Navy ship thought they were threatening him, and it was just the Filipino Monkey somewhere ashore fucking with a radio?

      That was only three years ago.

      • natoslug

        Is the Filipino Monkey related to Johnny Chimpo? If so, we shouldn't be so quick to take war off the table. It's the one export we seem to be good at (at least if "by good at" we/I mean "willing to carry out indefinitely, regardless of the consequences to ourselves") providing.

      • Extempor[redacted]

        It's heartening to know that at least you and a handful of patriotic fisters nevar forgetted.


  • LiveToServeYa

    Oh, they'll hem and haw about the ham

  • thetimchannel

    Semaphore flags.

  • EdFlintstone

    Defunding NPR and planned parenthood, hearings on the Muslims and now a ham radio bill. Can't you feel all the jobs being created? We'll all probably have 2 jobs very soon…….minimum wage jobs, but still.

    • horsedreamer_1

      A Pakistani ob-gyn who does HAM radio in her down-time — this would prolly also make her the rare, female RUSH fan (as in Geddy, not Percocet) — would be Peter King's El Guapo.

  • x111e7thst

    You know, the Sheriff's got his problems too
    He will surely take them out on you
    In walked the village idiot and his face was all aglow
    He's been up all night listening to Mohammed's Radio

    • DashboardBuddha


      • horsedreamer_1

        Heard this on the local independent, alternative (commercial) radio station this morning, & was reminded of the long-ago ONION side-bar: Omar Sharif Condemns Kasbah Rocking — "I don't like it", he says.

  • Terry

    The GOP'ers have been using codes for years. "Family values" for instance. "Kenyan" is another one.

    • horsedreamer_1

      "Wide-stance" is still my favourite.

      • Terry

        Come to think of it, that would be an awesome name for a gay bar.

  • cheetojeebus

    Peter King : ham burglar

  • DashboardBuddha

    I'm not worried. I can send and receive messages with my mind.

    Hey! I heard that.

  • Black_PR

    This also includes GMRS and FRS, which is inclusive of the little bubble-pack radios you use whilst backpacking or skiing or whatever. It's a blatant giveaway of a very limited, publicly owned resource to corporations who will spend millions to "own" these frequencies. They won't even be used for this "public safety" nonsense, they're just going to be taken and sold to the highest corporate bidder. I am one of those geeky hams — although my car does not resemble a porcupine, I don't get around via any sort of electric scooter (aka HamAbout), nor am I obese. I'm only mildly anti-social, but only because people mostly suck.

  • MinAgain

    Feeling oppressed, guys? Welcome to my world. Try being a 60's era liberal in the South.

    • hagajim

      And you're still alive?

      • MinAgain

        For now. But the Republican-controlled Assembly is in the process of shooting my kind like fish in a barrel.

  • hagajim

    Does this make Peter King Hamfisted or the Hamburgler?

  • sportshort

    Perhaps mounts should be banned as well. There are religious nuts who tend to give sermons on them.

  • Gopherit

    Like a muslim would use a HAM radio. Jeez.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    As long as you only get your information and share your news consumption from Fox News, a Christian pulpit and do your daily Bible and Constitution readin, you'll have your moral majority status-quo foreva.

  • Beetagger

    How will Ken control his minions from his desert lair without the two way?

  • bluescrubbie

    I have it on good authority that Peter King goes by the handle "Koch-Peter".

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Neocon Peter King fears non-approved information communication.

    Ham Radio knows what to do about his kind.