Hey, our friend Dennis with the animated upskirt kiddy cartoon e-mail signature sent us another notice about being pinheads. “Yep, pinheads who don’t watch Glenn Beck really are progressive morons. Mr. Beck constantly tells his vast audience ‘Don’t take my word for it, look-it up for yourself. We have and found his tenets to be factual. Progressive just ‘hate’ the truth.” Is “hate” in quotation marks because he’s being sarcastic? Or is he quoting the very objective scientific research about liberals he “look-ited” up? By the way, the background of the e-mail is a pretty pink this time! And when he signs the message, Dennis spells his own name incorrectly.
Looks like somebody forgot to turn off the “pretending to be an 9-year-old girl on the Internet” setting on the ol’ e-mail machine.
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That's not incorrect — that's French!
He's a Lib-tard surender monkey……
Rhymes with Penis
French!! That's even worse than incorrect!
Probably gay too.
These emails are "awesome".
"special" might be an appropriate term.
I wonder why he didn't use the gif of the guy getting ready to fuck a sheep? http://www.incredimail.com/english/order/gold-gal...
I think sometimes he fucks the sheep and sometimes the sheep fucks him and all for just $25.95…what can we sell ol' Denis?
It looks like he will buy just about anything…Glenn Beck, GIF's….it's just too bad he won't buy the truth.
Enlarge your Denis with one pill…
Dammit… you beat my P…
Nice one… er… uh… well, you know what I mean.
It seems you choked, chicken…
So much for my P-ness points skyrocketing.
There's the rub… It was a one-off.
And don't worry, I think your p-ness is fapulous.
Aren't Dennis' 15 minutes of Wonkette fame just about expired?
Exactly where did he look up the "fact" that Obama hates white people?
In the Bible, duh!
Conservapedia?
Free Republic?
Breitbart?
Nothing but seriously credible journalism sources.
glennbeck.com?
Glenn Beck's asshole?
Hitler!
Err, wait, is this a different game we're playing today?
He saw the edited video making the rounds with the wingnuts. Every time Obama's head turns away from the camera, he makes an "anti-white" comment. Some really crappy editing, but apparently looks good to the Beckites.
"Every time Obama's head turns away from the camera, he makes an "anti-white" comment."
"Good evening, my fellow Americans. I… [raises coffee mug to cover lips, poorly dubbed digital voice]… hate America and want to turn it into a socialist Muslim dictatorship… [lowers coffee mug, returns to normal voice] come before you this evening to report on the State of the Union."
He heard it from the god of truth, Rush Limbaugh.
Stormfront. org?
FOXnews.com?
She already said Stormfront.
He read his tea leaves.
Of course it's a fact when you look it up on Conservapedia. It won't match reality, but it will match what Glenda Beck says..
That bear the little girl is holding looks strangely familiar.
Maybe it's that furry who worked for the Pennsylvania legislature.
Who, Alan T. Panda? (NSFW)
Also totally into erotic choking.
And by 'look it up,' he means, 'nap on the couch in your own Dorito-filth until the rebroadcast.'
Oh Joy! I love the letters. I think he misspelled his name on purpose. I often do that to let regular people know I am just like them and not a dick.
He's correct that pinheads, what his kind call intellectuals, don't watch Sean O'Rushbeck. I think its time we quite using the right grammer and speling and try too avoid notic. Also. Invest in contact lenz to, becauze if you wear glasses your mostly likly to be the victim of dickwad's Second Amentment (cue GOD BLESS AMERICA) rights.
Aint no muslins around the wonket. (Oh, and for god's sake don't do this [applause].)
I sense a lot of "synergy" from Dennis Ima Kookoo.
He meant to put a P at the beginning…
Denis [sic], your a "genius".
I am so sorry. My hands have overtaken me and I can't help it. Denis [sic] your [sic] a genius.
Wait–was that ironic? Oops. Guess I owe you a cyber bj. (I spelled that out, then thought better of it. Something I seldom do in my life, hence all the friends I don't have here in the Dust Bowl. Thank heaven for the wonkeratti.)
I believe his kind spells it "genus".
Maybe Denise just ran our of E's.
Oh. Now I see the Dennis [redacted] sent this to you. Jack, I pretty sure he/she is sweet on you.
I can see it now. A nice glass of white wine on the edge of the tub, a cigerette glowing, and Denis shaving his legs while praying for Jack to call.
And why not, I ask. Though he's not a ginger like our dear Jim, he's hawt! [applause] Also.
Not so much a misspelling as a pre-operative transition on the way to Denise.
That's a win in my book!!!
Denis Kudlak, thanks for the email. It has been read and you can now join us here to downfist us with fury.
I would think you'd be on Craig's List, selling your gold bullion. Sorry about the price of gold tanking today. Hurry up and sell it so that you can afford real bouillon and not just that split pea and hamster soup you won't be able to afford next week if you keep listening to Glenn Beck.
This guy's going to be so disappointed when his gold "investments" lose a shitload of money. And we'll just point and laugh.
Hey, I heard a gold dealer on Stephanie Miller say gold is going to $5000. "It's eight-grade math" he said. Who will do the laughing when gold goes to $5000?
Stephanie Miller-plugged gold will go to $5000. Glenn Beck-plugged gold is heading into the shitter.
The best part of the whole gold scam is that these idiots have all been sold "antique" coins of less that acceptable purity. They've never been worth market, and never will be.
This pleases me.
dude, redact fail; pls blur surname because (a) we aren't assholes, and (b) I really don't want to know who this moron is.
Also (to Denis): probably should look up that word "tenet", not synonymous with "assertion", however awesomely factual that assertion supposedly is.
also also: you got me, Denis, I'm not a hater, I'm a "hater"
I think tenet is probably apt. It's a very kind way to describe Beck's multiple chalkboards of hysterical rantings……..sort of like a grubby street corner preacher that doesn't notice his own crazy eyes and the white spittle coming out of the corners of his mouth while he waves his bible at you. Nope. He doesn't notice, and neither does "Denis"…..but you and I do.
yes, but one "look-it ups" tenets in a creed, or a set of articles of faith, no? Not in some objective compendium of facts like Conservapedia, like this guy's email suggests.
I'm trying to help this guy with his "composition", and here you come to nuance it all up!
heh. I think anyone that listens to Beck is definitely buying into a set of articles of faith……ones that would make David Ickes blanch. But i am all for the attempt to educate Denis……good luck with that.
Is this the "big tenet" the repugs are always talking about?
Well, you know who else had tenets.
Campers?
Is this like in tenets debate?
National Socialism. At least it's an ethos.
Isn't it funny how they all hear one word they think is so fancy that just saying anything that sounds as intellectual as "tenet" (quotes because of my italicize fail) must be true just because they use it? Or that sounding so fucking smart will simply dazzle the listener because, you know, a word that highfalutin' is so smart.
While they pile "hate" on actually smart people.
quotes fine if you are mentioning the word rather than using it
What I love is that at least half the time, they spell it wrong, as in "tenants".
I'd like to be a haberdasher, or "hatter," but hats have been out of style since JFK, so there's no money in it, except for gimme caps, and we know who wears those. Mostly.
Denis may be a "tenet" farmer….he grows his own "tenets".
YOU SPELLED MORAN WRONG
Damn–Beat me to it!
"Looks like somebody forgot to turn off the “pretending to be an 9-year-old girl on the Internet” setting on the ol’ e-mail machine."
Is Lindsey Graham Dennis?
the disguise makes it easier to attract 9-year old boys
So much "hate."
I "hate" truth AND beauty!
"…‘Don’t take my word for it, look-it up for yourself…
… so we do… at Glenn Beck's website and sure enough… he's right!"
Well looking anywhere else would just confuse him with all those pesky fact thingy's and he has to go out and find some more little girl animations. Although if Denis is that hard core republican I would think he would be looking for little boys.
Jack, ask him if he is a pilot? I have it on good authority that many think they are Gods in the flesh.
It's true. I shoot with a 747 driver (former USAF pilot) and he is a giant asshole. Of course, that's the sort of person I want behind the yolk when shit gets hairy.
This email-er isn't really Dennis or Denis(e). It is that sick fuck politician that likes to sit in car near public parks and masturbate.
The pedophilia club logo is a dead giveaway.
That doesn't really doesn't narrow it down much.
Pinheads, yes, but only of the Zippy variety, thank you very much.
Polysorbate-80 4 evah!
Look, I don't mind a misspelling every now and then – it can happen to the most conscientious of us – but: is it Dennis or Denis?
Glenn or Glennda?
"Dennis"?
Only Muslims spell it Denis.
According to the name given below the subject line, it's 'Dennis.' So it's perfectly okay for progressives like us to assume that at least in one of the instances where his name is written on the email, it is misspelled.
Once again, for clarity, people who watch Glenn Beck have trouble spelling their own name.
His pink background is just precious, esp with his cartoon kiddie porn.
Any asshole can quote other assholes who lie.
Heh, indeed!
As Den/n/is knows, almost ALL of the academic masterminds at Regnery Press – along with the savants at Bob Jones &/or Liberty U – are hard at work every day, proving Beck's brilliant analysis for dear life … & they (mostly) have real degrees & everything! LOOK IT UP, LIBZ.
- Beck U undergrad, Summa Cum Laudanum
Multi-fist for the Laudanum!
It's like a Jehovah's Witness book my not-union organizer gave me once. Every other word had an endnote, but if you checked the source of the endnotes, they were all in books from the JW press.
Sure the folks at Liberty have Bob Jones degrees and the folks at Bob Jones have Liberty degrees, except for the really smart lawyer types who have advanced degrees from Regent University.
I would expect Bob Jones U. has noticed that Beck is a MORMON, that is, THE ENEMY! Ditto Liberty U.
"T"
"Don't take my word for it, look it up yourself on GlennBeck.com."
No need for " " around hate, sparky.
Those are the quotations marks of TRUTH.
Quotation marks, like all-caps, bold, large type, underlining and italics, are ways of indicating emphasis. You'd think people here would understand that <bold>BY "NOW!"</bold>
How are the olds who watch Glenn Beck supposed to look-it anything up? My grandma still thinks a computer is just a giant calculator.
Anyone who refers to Shit-for-brains Beck as "Mr. Beck" is a "dumb" "motherfucker".
Oh god, I could visualize that. Awesome!!
Dear Denis,
Please email us more of your wonderful insights ASAP.
Sincerely,
fachead
fachead [redacted]
(There, fixed.)
Look! It's a picture of Hitler! And it's next to a picture of Obama! And there's an arrow pointing to both!
The correlation is unarguable!
Truth!
EDIT: Welcome, Downfist Tardbutts! So glad you could join us! The coat rack is over there and the bar is over here. Please quit spitting in the appetizers!
Downfister's mad we made fun of his Denis.
Thats clearly a irrefutable tenet.
Or an irrefutable (can you even mis-spell the word?) CANARD.
If Denis hasn't had a visit from Chris Hansen yet, something's wrong with our pedojournalism coverage. That gif screams "I masturbate in my neighborhood park."
But it makes it look like he rapes little girls, so that's OK 'cause it's not gay.
It's also OK because Glenn Beck rapes little girls, or at least it hasn't been conclusively proven that he doesn't.
It is a pretty weird gif.
Especially when you realize why she has her eyes closed and such a big smile on her face . . .
but even George Tenet turned out to be very non-factual
I have look-ited up Denis' name and found this tenet to be factual — he's a frog.
Factual. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Denis is just working on his public humiliation game to prepare for his appearance on TLC's newest hit reality show Do You Think You Can Exploit My Personal Tragedy and/or Dysfunctional Family for a Few Thousand Dollars?
Followed by "Are You Smarter Than a 2 Year Old"
"Quoting" makes it "true."
Gdammit. (I guess I could go back to spelling it out now that my ladyparts are healthy). (I was being really good in hopes that I wouldn't be punished). Don't you pinheads ever pay attention? Putting it on a chalkboard and/or putting it with random video is what makes it true. Or, hearing it on Rush Limbaugh. These ignorant fucks would believe the farts that windbag produces before they would trust a legitimate news source, like The Daily Show.
C'mon, Jack. You're telling us Beck-Heads are illiterate idiots? Kind of preaching to the choir, aren't you?
Next thing you know, they will be trying to convince us that Tea Baggers are racist, xenophobic, dim bulbs.
My point, eggzakly!
Dear "Dennis",
I find your ideas intriguing, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Yours,
Guano [redacted]
Given the conext, that little girl picture makes me really, really sad for some reason.
Oh Denis, go [redacted] yourself, you mouth-breathing mother[redacted].
It is hard to take conservatives seriously when they lack the ability to write at least at a sixth grade level.
Sixth grade??? You are too kind, sir.
He meant the "slow" group of sixth graders, I'd bet.
I, personally, remember "tenet" as being the only word for which I got the wrong answer on a fourth-grade vocabulary test, and with all due modesty, I was a pretty smart fourth-grader, so we've now established Den[n]is' level of literacy as somewhere between a smart fourth-grader and a slow sixth-grader.
PS. I thought it meant somebody who lived in an apartment — but then, I was nine years old.
Are we sure he isn't actually *in* the sixth grade?
With all those reports, graphs, and links Denis sited and meticulously cross-referenced in that e-mail, I'm afraid he's convinced me. I just don't like the truth….Whatch gonna do?
Oh noes, Carol Ann, come to the light!
Shhh. You'll give away the title of Sarah's newest book release.
Is it true that the page go blank about halfway through?
This is a variant of the Turing test, which says we must determine the moron using the computer.
meanwhile, nina totenberg just called me 'a dear listener'.
that is all.
Indeed?
Jack, his next email will be to say:
"I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me"
Teaparties and pink font are for little girls with imaginary friends, Denis.
Why do you think he uses them?
Denis certainly has never denied using pink toys and tea parties to lure little girls into the back of his windowless van and do unspeakable things to them.
Is his name Denis Wayne Kudlak? (I got his whole name before Jack redacted it, lol) Or is it Denis Wane Kudlak? I bet his copy of The Catcher in the Rye is all marked up with highlighter and Hello Kitty stickers.
Of course, that's who Denis reminds me of – Holden Caulfield…I bet they're just like two peas in pod….or one pea in a pod and one teabagger in hot water.
Do not sit next to 'Dennis' http://www.sadanduseless.com/wp-content/uploads/2...
So awesome!
Technically Beck's tenets may be factual. He may actually believe the nonsense he says he believes on the air. After all, he's a converted Mormon. Den(n)is didn't say his facts are factual, though.
Yeah, but he hasn't gone so far as to embrace Scientology, so he can't be that gullible.
No, Mormonism demands at least as much gullibility as Scientology. It's just been around longer, so people have gotten used to it.
The price of gold went through the floor, Fox is ready to drop Beck because advertisers are jumping ship in droves – these miserable tards are going into a frenzy of despair. Good. Fuck 'em.
I have an occasional e-mail correspondent who uses the exact same evil little girl picture. Except she is old enough and smart enough to know better.
Awkward.
Faaaabulous!!!!
Wait, there are identity settings on email accounts? Which button do I push to have all my emails at work look like they came from Charlie Sheen?
The one that says WINNING.
I gave money to the Wis. TAA last night and today donated to the AFSCME Wis local, or whatever they call it, in honor of my AFSCME organizing daughter. Which is one of the (many) reasons that I am the best fucking mother in the world. As I keep reminding my kids.
Hey, every mom is a fucking mother. At least once. Except for Mary (so I hear).
Maybe you're just the best.
Yeah. I pretty much think so.
I got a Teabagger for a mom. Not much fun talking to her anymore and you sound really nice. Any chance you could be my Wonkette mom?
Wow. I've reached the age that my offer of a blow job to sorosbot gets no response, but compton wants me to be his wonkette mom.
Why not? Whaddaya want advice on, kid? Just name it. I'm here for you. Are you in college? If so, don't take speed to stay up all night and study. Causes you to do weird shit, like eliminating all the worse answers on the Geography 1 quiz by circling them. Or studying for an American history survey test by staying up all night memorizing the presidents in order. By sort of coming to at dawn and realizing you've spent hours outside, scraping all the burned spots off your cookies sheets.
Either I or a friend from my 60s college days each did one of those things. So here's your first life lesson, the kind I gave my kids: stay off (most) drugs. But if you're really sick and the doctor offers painkillers, say yes to everything he offers and pass them on to mom.
Dude thinks Glenn Beck spouts 'tenets'; no wonder he can't spell his own name.
BTW, what's with all the '[redacted]' in the Wonkette handles now? Did I miss an email on what the cool kids are doing on Wonkette now?
I'd rather be known as a moron than a sucker.
I await your evidence, Denis/Dennis/whatever, that Beck is factual. And fact-u-al, too, and the horses you all rode in on. But, pervert, please leave the little girl alone.
This is a bummer. I thought Dennis was great in The Net.
Until he became a reichwing retard who is regularly on O'Rielly's show continuing to use references he thinks no one else is smart enough to get.
"we" must be the one who taught him the word "tenets"
Denis is a truly a menace…in his own mind. And I'm kinda creeped out by the pink background and little girl graphic. He's either been trolling for adolescent girls on-line or he shares an account with one.
Do you think he maybe uses his daughter's account because he doesn't know how to set one up for himself? No wonder the dude's such a moronic fucker. He probably doesn't know how to use even wikipedia. (Although I don't know how to input stuff to wiki. I think that would be fun.)
It's always good to hear from good old Denis the Penis.
"Liberals have smaller brains that's a face. Look it up, it's science"
-Ron Burgundy-
The right knows the only true science comes from the buybull.
Does Faux Noise make it a practice to take commentators off the air, that have a "vast audience"?
I would imagine they would have to beat advertisers off with a stick, to keep them from throwing checks at Glenn Beck.
I agree that they probably beat their advertisers off; it's probably the only way they can get them to sponsor such drivel.
Beck's advertisers are mostly scam artists (like Rush's) that no one credible would touch. Beck probably (like Rush) gets a cut of the action. Being a whore can be profitable if you work at it.
"Being a whore can be profitable if you work at it."
Duh.
I think he might have verified it on Dumb Dickipedia (two sources and all)
Glenn has tenets? Shit I thought he just had the magic undies that Mittens gave him.
Denis. Rhymes with pe-
Eh, never mind.
HAHA!
When I first started sending these dumb emails to our Wonkette, I didn't think that Jack was actually going to post the [redacted] things!
The stupid….it hurts.
Oh if only it did hurt, it would be awesome to watch some of these assholes writhe in pain every time they watch Glennda.
Thinking is what hurts.
Stupid is painless
It brings on no changes
And I can take the tenets
If I please…
Denis The Pennis didn't take Glenn's word for it. No! He looked it up for himself! Now, if he would only look up the word tenet.
"Blah blah blah, Glenn Beck, blah, progressives, truth blah."
Love,
Penis
Circular argument [n]: See "circular argument".
Factual or 'facty'?
"Yep, pinheads who don’t watch Glenn Beck really are progressive morons."
We ARE NOT EITHER!!!
There, defeated *that* argument!
Are Herr Bech and O'Reilly removing their white hoods before they refer to their opponents as "pinheads"?
Just askin'.
Don't take my word for it, look-it up for yourself.
Right! Go look it up in all the same sources I looked it up in and just told you about! You'll see that everything I just said matches up!
Dennis, you're out of your "league" here. Try the chat boards at Nickelodeon's website.
Do they still count as pedophiles if they have the same IQ as the children they're trying to prey on?
Dennis will soon be seen staring on an episode of "to catch a predator"
[redacted], thanks to Jack, now joins the honor roll of moran gifts to the wonket. Also. [applause]. Our editor deserves a brand new set of wonkette logoed truck nutz.
I was manager of an apartment house once and I found my tenets were factual, also.
If this douchebag had a vanity plate it would say – DOUCHEBAG
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