tears vs. fears

Idiot Peter King Lets Keith Ellison Testify Before Committee, Speak Truth


Why would Peter King let known Muslim Rep. Keith Ellison testify during his hearings about how all Muslims are terrorists? What a dumb move. All Ellison had to do was tell a simple truth about Muslim Americans, and the whole spectacle was ruined.

Also:

Hamdami’s mother, Talat Hamdani, is at the hearings today. She works with September 11th Families for Peaceful Tomorrows, which opposes the hearings.

Hamdani’s mother told Politico last week that she along with two other family members of 9/11 victims had been promised a meeting with King — where she planned to urge him to cancel the hearings — but that he failed to show up at the meeting.

What a scumbag.

By the way, why is there a photo of the World Trade Center burning hanging in that room? Is that Peter King’s personal decorating style? Disgusting. It’ll be unfortunate the next time he engages in an autoerotic asphyxiation fantasy about getting captured by terrorists and accidentally dies. [Think Progress]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

177 comments

    1. Ruhe

      Boehner's tears are each and every one magical droplets of infinitely deep sincerity. Ellison's just fakin'.

    1. DahBoner

      The People are thirsty for the Truth.

      REPUBLICANS: The truth is the whole JOBS JOBS JOBS schtick was just a big ducking mirage.

      LET THEM DRINK SAND!!!

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I'm surprised the photo doesn't have a picture of Bush personally flying Air Force One over the WTC doing a barrel roll and clipping off jihadist heads with the wing tips. I'm pretty sure that is how Steve King and most Conservatives remember it happening.

        1. spooked911

          That's funny, I remember Cheney with a remote control, directing the planes into the towers.

      2. [redacted]withPalin

        <redacted> downfisting troll, you are making me work overtime today. Plus you are a boil on the anus of humanity.

        Kind regards,
        The Good Upfisting Fairy.

  1. HempDogbane

    Remember when questioning how Minnesotans could elect Bachmann, Minnesotans also elected Keith Ellison.

    1. neiltheblaze

      That's because Ellison's district includes Minneapolis and its immediate suburbs. Bachmann's is north and west of Ellison's district, presumably populated by drooling ignoramuses who all think St. Cloud is edgy and sinful.

      To be fair, she squeaked by in both elections, I believe.

      1. Ducksworthy

        St. Cloud is edgy and sinful and muslin. Although Racists for Jeebus are working to drive them out.

      2. Twinklesnot

        It's the inbreeding in her district. Srsly.

        "Stearns County Syndrome: A study was done in Stearns County Minnesota in the late seventies concerning families who had no newspapers, magazines, or books in their homes. They were mostly Germans but that was probably just a coincidence. They did not do as well in school, they had lower I.Q.’s, and they were unconcerned about current events."

  2. Maman

    Hmmm, Let's harass a bunch of kids for a decade and then wonder why they might get pissed at you and want to destroy you. 'Cuz that's what we have done to young Muslim boys since 2001.

    How about we hold hearings on ways we can fix relationships in the Muslim community and remind those young boys why they are happy to be in America?

    1. LesBontemps

      Duh, it violates the cardinal principle of politics, neatly summarized 500 years ago by HL Mencken:

      The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

    2. spooked911

      the beauty of the war on terror is the way it is self-perpetuating and self-defeating at the same time

    1. OneDollarJuana

      Apparently, "porn" in Thai means "blessing", which is just what 9-11 was to the Right.

    2. KenLayIsAlive

      It is the same sort of 2000 year old tribalist mindset where it seems like a good idea to have little sculptures of a guy nailed to a cross around your house.

      They're trying to turn 9/11 into a fucking religion.

      "The crucifixion was an inside job!"

  3. Oblios_Cap

    I'm much more afraid of some half-wit TeaTard or Xtian fundy shooting me that of some Aemrican Muslim. All of the Muslims that I know are too busy working to be worrying about killing me.

  4. Crank_Tango

    What I want to know is when are we going to start rounding up teh asians again, and putting them in FEMA camps, for pearl harbor?

    1. hagajim

      Soon….after we slog through the Mooslem fearmongering….but this time it will be the Chinese instead of the Japanese.

      1. Oblios_Cap

        Thankfully this country will never run out of people and things that make us wet our collective beds!

        1. Doktor[Redacted]

          And if they don't actually exist, we'll make some up–see "Satanic Ritual Abuse," for instance.

      2. Texan_Bulldog

        Seriously? You think these dumb fucks can tell the difference between Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc.? You're giving them WAY too much credit.

    2. V572625694

      Funny/horrible story: after Pearl Harbor they wanted to round up all the Japanese and Japanese-Americans in Hawaii, too. But they couldn't because they ran all the banks, shipping companies, airlines, water works, etc.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        And serving in the Territorial Guard watching for the invasion everyone was sure would happen.

        Those round up the yellows plans brought to you by Douglas MacArthur and other racists, but "national security" made it all okay. We have the whitewashing from the Suprem Court to prove it. Which John Yoo then relied on to justify torturing all the browns.

  5. Sophist [teadacted]

    See, McCarthy knew how to do this shit. You only call witnesses that you know won't stand up to you. You have failed, Mr. King. Now kindly fuck off.

    (Wow, I got downfisted fucking 16 seconds after I posted. That's dedication.)

      1. Sophist [teadacted]

        I don't really care about the points, I was just amused by how fast the response was. He must have been pounding on F5 like a methed up woodpecker. But point tooken, I'll try to avoid feeding the trolls en le futur.

        1. onemoretime79

          I can't tell when I've been downfisted. (?) Should I care?
          If so how do I do it?
          Because I got a follower who I've never heard speak here and it is kinda creepy.

          1. Sophist [teadacted]

            I just happened to open up my Intense Debate page right after I posted, and it showed a post with a timestamp of "16 seconds ago" that had zero points. Other than having a zero, the only way you can tell is to obsessively refresh your page and see if any numbers went down. And no, you shouldn't care.

          2. twoeightnine

            Dude, p points are the most important thing in America. When the economy goes you'll still have your p. Worthless p but at least you'll still have it.

  6. [redacted]byreality

    I’ve had enough of watching scenes
    Of schizophrenic, ego-centric, paranoiac, prima-donnas
    All I want is the truth now
    Just gimme some truth

    The times, they aren't a changin'.

    1. onemoretime79

      Wonkette long live, le site non-hystérique de libre-hommes et femmes du monde entier qui aiment bien rire aux dépens imbécile.
      également. fuck les trolls.

  7. Doktor[Redacted]

    If ethnicity is not so important, why does Ellison continually remind us that this fellow was a muslin? And a Jedi muslin, at that? (They're the most dangerous kind).

    /snark

    I would happily trade a room full of Peter Kings for a single Muhammad Hamdani. I know what a real patriot looks like.

  8. phlox✔

    Rep. Peter King demands that any references to Muslim heroism or Irish drunkenness be struck from the record.

          1. Doktor[Redacted]

            "Do you not get it, lads? The Irish are the blacks of Europe. And Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin. So say it once, say it loud: I'm black and I'm proud."

  9. Come here a minute

    This is a disgusting spectacle. Rep. King's security team is doing a poor job if they aren't able remove Ellison (a Muslin!) before he gets to make his weepy speech.

  10. slithytoves

    Okay troll – go back to your fantasies of teabagging King and leave the humans alone.

    Upfists for everyone!

    1. Upfist Fairy

      Make that double upfists! and oh by the way filthy downfist troll, downfist me and I will make sure you get cancer in your pixie sized penis.

  11. V572625694

    And the Alamo! And Little Big Horn! And the Gulf of Tonkin! And all the other minor attacks from weaker entities that we've used to justify wars against them.

    But for Jebus' sake, don't ever mention the Ludlow Massacre or Port Chicago. Good thing they changed the names.

    1. Doktor[Redacted]

      We're Real 'Mericans–if it ain't on the test, we don't remember it. And as soon as the test is over, we forget that, too.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Not to mention the deficit reduction!

      To borrow from a poster in a thread the other day

      1. Hold just-barely-not-overtly-bigoted hearings chaired by an unashamed terrorist-supporter. Bonus points for the 9/11 picture for lovely "guilt by association" overtones.
      2. Create jerbs
      3. Reduce deficit
      4. …
      5. Prophet!

  12. Boredw/Gravity

    I'm sticking around for the next set of hearings, the ones on the radical Christian right.

    Wait, what?

    1. phlox✔

      Ha ha. Hope you have a comfy seat and a big bag of jerky.
      Also, make sure you have your copy of Infinite Jest.

    2. Negropolis

      Yeah, like the group of rednecks up here in Michigan who were going to kill cops and then use IED on the funeral route, and then in the panic take over the rest of the state.

      Honestly, what a disgusting farce this shit is.

  13. Gopherit

    The hearing itself was surprisingly even handed, tempered, and (except for the occasional references to the "sobering reminder" of the WTC) sane. I suspect Pete King is is going to have to go rape an altar boy to put himself in a better mood after this.

          1. Upfist Fairy

            True, I was going for the cheap snark and not thinking of the further implications. I apologize to you and my fellow snarkettes.

  14. baconzgood

    When we tolerate religions we don't understand and stop being xenophobic the terrorists win.

  15. gef05

    "a photo of the World Trade Center burning hanging in that room"

    Looks like, along with irony, subtlety was also taken out the back and shot through the head.

      1. gef05

        I laughed. Fist for you.

        (Although, in this interests of full disclosure, I fisted everyone once I saw the trolls were back.) Regardless, fist for you.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Letting a stupid act of murder define your belief system makes no sense. It's like Christians hanging crosses everyplace. As Bill Hicks used to say, that's the last thing Jesus wants to see when he comes back.

  16. SorosBot

    Since this is about terrorism, will King force the would-be Martin Luther King Day bomber to testify?

    1. Doktor[Redacted]

      That wannabee bomber is not in custody, at least in part because he was not created by an FBI sting operation.

      1. SorosBot

        They arrested a suspect yesterday; shockingly a white supremacist follower the author of "The Turner Diaries".

        1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Probably read the Left Behind series too. When will we finally ban these inflammatory religious books!

  17. baconzgood

    My Dear Troll,

    I know that we had problems in the past. I know I've snarked and you didn't understand sometimes. Now I see that you un-followed me. I really wish you wouldn't be so rash. We can work this out. We deserve it. I miss you and your down fisting. Come back to me. Please don't make me beg, but I will if I have to for you….for us.

    You're down fisty life partner,
    Baconzgood

  18. V572625694

    Humans started out living in tribes. Gradually civilization took shape, and we learned to have mutually beneficial relations with those who were not members of our own tribes, even though it was disturbing to deal with someone who did not have a defined status in your own kinship system.

    Some of us, however, seem to have regressed, or failed evolve beyond the hunting-and-gathering stage.

    1. CliveWarren

      Who believes in evolution anymore? That shit has been well and thoroughly debunked.

      If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still finches?

  19. Come here a minute

    Hopefully they'll also bring in some high quality Terrorism Experts to explain that "a Muslim that wears a headband, regardless of color or insignia, basically what that is telling you is ‘I am willing to be a martyr.'".

  20. OneYieldRegular

    Peter King, unlike Keith Ellison, has actually, demonstrably, publicly stated his support for terrorism in which civilians could be killed (and in fact were killed, in actions by the IRA).

    And since not one of his Republican colleagues has stepped up to intervene in this theatrical, McCarthy-esque atrocity, then I'm sure none of them will mind if I'm lead to the assumption that they too support terrorism.

  21. Fare la [redacted]

    The same reason they all beat up on the "faggy" boy in high school.

    "That kid knows who he is and isn't afraid to show it – let's get him!"

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But why would the readers of Big Government come here, as there are no 12-year old boys looking for hook ups at this site.

    1. Upfist Fairy

      Yeah, I am a middle age white lady and some creepy buttbart dude is following me. (I am hoping he will go limp with disappointment when he sees that and stop following me.)

  23. EatsBabyDingos

    I'm still pissed with the Messopotamians and the Battle of Garglebile.

    That's what maked Rep King so interesting-he never forgets (to gargle bile).

  24. jakegittes

    Have tests done on those tears. They are Muslin tears and are probably full of biological toxic agents and are therefore WMDs.

  25. prommie

    Its the "Sir Robin" effect. "When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled, he ran away, he bravely ran away." You remember, from Holy Grail, Sir Robin, who personally wet himself at the battle of Hastings, who nearly fought the Vicious Chicken of Bristol. . . .

  26. genxr

    Just to be clear, hysteria is NOT being fearful of an entire religion and/or ethnicity, NOT shouting hateful things at children as they walk into their place of worship, and NOT demanding everyone who worships a different God be segregated because they are all out to kill us.

    Enough with the hysteria, people!

  27. Ducksworthy

    TO: The DownFister
    FROM: Ducksworthy
    RE: Down Fisting Consequences

    I am heartened to see the outpouring of Positive P whenever you show up.

    Thank You

  28. BaldarTFlagass

    "(including their typical hatred and support of violence)"

    Huh? I guess, maybe, in a "Plato's Cave" sort of way.

  29. ChuckieJesus

    This guy reps my district. He was at a good friend's funeral. He's a good man. I couldn't be prouder.

  30. riverside68

    What have we come to? There were no asian members of congress testifing about the Chinese Exclusion Act, or black members of congress about slavery, or women testifing about voting rights, or commies about McCarthism. Why do we have to listen to a Muslin congressman testify about Islamaphobia? It ruins the whole show. There otta be a law. We want OUR country BACK!

    Don't bother me with mere facts, my mind is made up. When I want you opinion, I'll tell you what it is. I'm loaded and this gun is not afraid to use me!

  31. onemoretime79

    December 2010 — “Republicans denied adequate health care to the heroes who developed illnesses from rushing into burning buildings on 9/11. Yet they will stop at nothing to give tax breaks to millionaires and CEOs, even though they will explode our deficit and fail to create jobs. That tells you everything you need to know about their priorities,” Reid said in a statement. <snip>

    Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell (Ky.) released a letter signed by every Senate Republican pledging to block all legislative action until Congress acts on the expiring Bush tax cuts and passes a measure to fund the federal government into 2011. <snip>

    Republicans oppose the paid-for healthcare benefits bill because it closes a tax loophole on foreign companies."

    A little reminder for all those visitors coming this way to see hysteria, that doesn't exist here.

  32. Steverino247

    "The Power of Christ Compels You!" has to be shouted 17 times by two priests before anything happens, even in the expanded edition ("The version you've never seen") of "The Exorcist." Not much compelling going on there, boys, er, boy-fuckers.

  33. donner_froh

    Dingell is as old as hell and can barely walk but he is an old time Democrat who has understands how politics work. There are a lot of Muslim Arabs in his district which includes Dearborn. Probably more Palestinians than anything else but quite a cross section from the Maghreb to Iraq. He does a lot of outreach, shows up at community events, big on voter registration and GOTV and generally acts the way a reasonably corrupt, reasonably decent Congress critter should act.

    He gets plenty of votes and money from his Arab Muslim constituents and shows respect in return. Possibly not the best way to do things but in a different universe from many members of the House.

    1. Terry

      Yes, Dingel does represent his district fairly well, from standing up for folks of Muslim faith to even his defense of the auto industry. I disagree with him on a good bit of the auto stuff, but he's from frickin Deeeeeetroit and that is what they DO.

  34. fuflans

    ok between this and the bbc story of the bodies of the scottish soldier and his sniffer spaniel being flown home i am total mess.

  35. ingloriousbytch

    I humbly submit a motion to the Wonketeriat that from henceforth "Idiot Peter King" is the only way that Grand Wizard douche should ever be referred to on this site.

  36. imiss[redacted]

    Okay Ellison, but did the boy have a birf certificate? Long-form? From an Amerikkan doctor??!! Remember it's not a serious Congressional speech without visual aids.

  37. [redacted]drinker

    They're just jealous because we are funny and have a good time while all they do is talk about how half of America's population deserves to be drawn and quartered for daring to have a different opinion about how things should work.

  38. ttommyunger

    S, when does Rudy G. Dubya in a wind-breaker and the old fuck who could hardly hold up a Fireman's Helmet show up to save the day?

  39. snoopyfan2010

    When is he going to do a hearing on the resurgance of White Supremacy in this country? I hear some of them want to destroy America also, too.

  40. abelilnkinverb

    I tried to come up with something witty, but this witch hunt combined with the fact that I live in Wisconsin just has me drinking more and finding out ways to be an expat.

Comments are closed.