UPPITY NEIGHBORS  4:09 pm March 10, 2011

Eastern Market: Yuppieville Forever

by Arielle Fleisher

Eastern Market is one of the last remaining areas in D.C. that hasn’t really attempted to find its New York stripes. It’s managed to stay classically and quintessentially yuppie! The kind of place where people engage in Civil Discourse and where there are real live actual children. Lots of them! Considering what a bad week the yuppies have had–food trucks were harassed (!), oh, and NPR, too–now may be a good time to celebrate this little yuppie haven and to welcome its newest restaurant, pound, which happens to be following the lower-case-monosyllabic restaurant name trend. Why do yuppies hate syllables so much?

war on syllables
Why can’t restaurants have names that have more than one syllable? Are syllables really that bad? Soon we will have restaurants with names like “Dough,” “Plant,” or “Food.” Why do all these restaurants want to have such simple names when there’s nothing ever simple about them?

organic kid tested mother approved coffee

Look at all that exposed brick! And the coffee! The coffee at pound is certified organic and fair trade, harvested in the Himalayas and brought to D.C. on the backs of camels. Or, it comes from a family owned business in Wisconsin that operates out of a re-purposed train depot and gets their coffee beans from farmers from around the world. We were close! All of which is to say: The coffee tastes good. And pound will be giving out 100 FREE nutella lattes a day for 10 days starting March 14.

There are plenty of other great spots in Eastern Market including Hill’s Kitchen and Seventh Hill, but there is no better spot than the ramshackle used bookstore, Capitol Hill Books:

This place is a wet dream for anyone who likes books. There are books everywhere, including the bathroom. And, yes while balancing your latte, Times, and stroller you may knock down an entire section of books causing the curmudgeonly old man who runs the place to hate you, but that’s just part of the fun. Go! The end.
if you break it you buy it

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Hola wonkerados.

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hagajim March 10, 2011 at 4:12 pm

After I get ass pounded (like daily) I like to kickapoo…

nounverb911 March 10, 2011 at 4:14 pm

"and where there are real live actual children."
Is this where Cheney comes for tasty morsels?

BarryOPotter March 10, 2011 at 4:57 pm

"Ooh, samples!"

Weenus299 March 10, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I'll hope to hit Capitol Hill books this summer.

Cicada March 10, 2011 at 4:24 pm

It's fun, but only if you aren't claustrophobic or looking for any book in particular. The owner takes a very relaxed view towards organization. Arielle's line about books in the bathroom doesn't convey that you can barely see the toilet under the piles of books. It's like an episode of Hoarders, but without the dead cats.

SorosBot March 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Or the bodies are buried so deep you have no idea…

horsedreamer_1 March 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Sounds like Schroeder Books. At least the new location in Stallis has more physical space, & exposed walls, than the dank, drab downtown location. (They gentrified the crazy lady who runs out of the zip-code. In fact, she's about three ZC over, now.)

HistoriCat March 11, 2011 at 12:01 am

I would be highly suspicious of any used bookstore which was not claustrophobic.

ShaveTheWhales March 11, 2011 at 2:31 am

Yeah, "A Clean Well-Lighted Place for Used Books" sounds like a setup.

nounverb911 March 10, 2011 at 4:17 pm

"causing the curmudgeonly old man who runs the place to hate you, but that’s just part of the fun"
Is this John McCain's retirement gig?

qwerty42 March 10, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Geeze. The bookstore reminds me of the spare bedroom. Or my office. Hmmm so do I ferret about for …. (crashing sound) … darn.

jus_wonderin March 10, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Looks like a hoarders heaven.

jus_wonderin March 10, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Kickapoo is a native american tribe. I kid you not.

LowProfileinGA March 10, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Also a powerful liquor in "Li'l Abner," created by Al Capp.

SorosBot March 10, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Al Capp, who later turned his comic into constant mockery of the Civil Rights and anti-war movements, along with hippies in general, used a racist name in said comic? Shocker!

zhubajie March 10, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Sure. Formerly in Ilinois, they never surrendered to the US govt., and hence live in Mexico.

FlownOver March 10, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I miss the Eastern Market shop that carried hypercaffeinated coffee under the "Wake the Fuck UP!" brand name.

SayItWithWookies March 10, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Damn — that last picture reminds me of why I shouldn't run a business. And my theory on the monosyllabic name trend is that it hearkens to an additive-free nutritional fundamentalism, regardless of what's on the menu. People want to believe there's something pure and simple in what they're eating, even when the idiots are ordering a mochaccino caramel latte with Splenda — the perception is still there because, hey — it's called pound.

jus_wonderin March 10, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I did hear they are reserving the name "TON" for their restaurant that specializes in anus burgers.

mourningnmerica March 10, 2011 at 4:28 pm

In Alabama, the same coffee is marketed under the ShitKicker brand.

chicken[redack] March 10, 2011 at 4:28 pm

In keeping with the monosyllabic feel of "Pound" (and out of homage to the book-stacking style seen), the bookstore should be called Hoard.

SorosBot March 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Ah, the yuppie places; there's one that's opened near my office just called "fuel", along with a cocktail bar (which previously had been a good German beer place) called "Tyme". Both look as expensive and overpriced as the names imply; and I don't plan to ever eat/drink at either of them.

DaRooster March 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

“Dough,” “Plant,” or “Food.”
Food=Anus Burgers?

jus_wonderin March 10, 2011 at 4:32 pm


horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2011 at 8:22 am

Depending on the ethnic composition, actual or historic, you could also go with


wee[redacted] March 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Arielle you can't trick me. Capitol Hill is in C'Addle just a few blocks from where I'm typing.

Sophist [teadacted] March 10, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Thanks to the physics of L-Space, that shop could very well be both places at once.

ShaveTheWhales March 10, 2011 at 8:29 pm

And everywhere else, as well.

Mike Licht March 10, 2011 at 8:03 pm

"curmudgeonly old man"? That's curmudgeonly old Admiral Jim to you, sailor.

And watch what you say about Pound, or a SWAT team may kick in your door. Thr joint's other location is near ATF HQ in NOMA.

horsedreamer_1 March 10, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Indeed 'tis. I first heard it 'round '00, from a coupla acquaintances back home (spent the latter half of my childhood in the Dirty Dirty, i.e. The Stal), when I saw their e:mail at Stallis.org. It has snowballed from there.

ShaveTheWhales March 11, 2011 at 2:30 am

Thanks. Is there a common abbreviation for Waukesha? Well, other than Fucking Crackerville?

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2011 at 8:19 am

Why, there is: The 'Sha!

Also: Crackers, yes; Waukesha County is the most Republican in the state for a reason (though my grandfather was a lifelong Dem, & lived all his live in New Berlin). But, hasn't there been an historically-strong Mexican community in Waukesha (same as Riverwest, in Milwaukee, being Puerto Rican since way back)?

Bowmanave March 14, 2011 at 4:45 am

We will survive as we lived, in fact the distinction between the two is very blurry. What we call SHTF is a nice sunny day for half of mankind.

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