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Republican former Congressman and guy who played Gopher on The Love Boat Fred Grandy apparently spends his time these days hosting a conservative radio show. And, naturally, he likes to have his wife come on his show as a special guest under the undecipherable pseudonym “Mrs. Fred” to talk about birther crap and how a vast conspiracy of Muslims, who are, of course, all terrorists, are planning to take down the U.S. from the inside. Unfortunately, this Muslim conspiracy heard about her exposing the truth and secretly, with a dash of Sharia and a pinch of caliphate, got Grandy’s radio station to ask him and his wife to tone down the crazy. And you can’t tell crazy to stop being crazy, so they quit.

Obviously, it’s the “Final Countdown” these days to total takeover, and if we don’t support IRA terrorist Peter King in his hatred of Muslims terrorism, all will be lost.

“The real problem is that none of us seem to understand there is self-jihad, civilization jihad, going on in our country every single day, 24/7,” Catherine Mann-Grandy said. “This is owned and orchestrated by the Muslim Brotherhood.”

Oh no! That must be why our economy is rather stagnant these days. America has got to get in on this very profitable self-jihad industry. OWN AND ORCHESTRATE, AMERICA. [TPM]

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  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    That is quite an O-face she's got there.

    • hagajim

      Yeah…it's O Fuck I married Gopher!

    • Steverino247

      Dude, you're stealing my lines! (Go right ahead)

  • undeterredbyreality

    Geez, Grandy–You might as well be a Democrat if all you're gonna do is give up at the first hint of criticism.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      No, didn't he quit? If so, Rep. all the way.

  • See America, it all balances out. Two NPR big wigs fired for one lying wife of some guy named "Gopher" asked to maybe tone it down a bit.

    Fair and Balanced.

    • CliveWarren

      "Do you agree with the Jon Stewart-doctrine?"

      "In what respect Charlie?"

      "You know, both sides do it, and that."

      • Don't get me started on Jon Stewart. Comparing Olbermann to Beck at the "Rally to Restore Sanity"? Please.

  • jus_wonderin

    …The Love Boat, will be making another run…

  • BarackMyWorld

    Hate…exciting and new! Come on board….we're race-baiting you!

    Think he ever asked Isaac to see his birth certificate?

    • Outta sight!

    • mayor_quimby

      Funny you say that, Isaac's kid was baptized in the same ceremony as my little cousin.
      Il Papa didn't ask for a birth cert for either of them!

  • __kth__

    Good to know that "let it flow, it floats back to you" applies to hate as well as Love. At least this once anyway.

  • Outta sight.

    Also in that screen cap she looks like Dr. Zaius. Get your paws off me, you damn dirty Muslims!!1!!!!1!!!!

    • Steverino247

      I can see I'm four hours late to this party. Everybody's already funny and I've got a lot of catch up to do.

  • JimmyCarlBlack

    In short, Isaac was a Muslin Kenyan socialist terrist.

  • nounverb911

    "Terrorist Conspiracy Takes Congressman’s Muslim-Hating Wife Off Radio"
    So the truth about Peter King's dealings with the IRA is coming out.

    Sorry, wrong congressman. My bad.

  • Radiotherapy

    You know who else liked orchestras?

    • nounverb911

      Johnny Damon?

      • aguacatero

        Judas?

      • I thought that was Manny. He did orchestrate leaving the BoSox.

    • nounverb911

      Vic Damone?

    • baconzgood

      Wonkbot?…..Hey where is Wonkbot anywho?

    • jus_wonderin

      I like them breaded and fried. MmmmmmMmmmmm

    • genxr

      Danny Elfman? Damn that's a harsh comparison.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Wagner?

    • gef05

      Tchaikovsky?

    • GOPCrusher

      Zubin Mehta?

  • CliveWarren

    Who is she calling Megan? She has a name, you know. And it's pronounced Mee-Gin.

    • MarshallBanana

      Which is, coincidentally, the same thing she calls her hourly cocktail.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Tonight…on the Sex Scow…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Gopher should go back to organizing shuffle board tournaments and anti-muslin pork bbq buffets on the promenade deck. Shit, he'd probably increase his audience.

  • Barbara_i

    ….including a five-stage plan," Mann-Grandy said. "We're at three now. You know what that is? It's coerce the media. The fifth stage is total jihad."

    What's the fourth stage?

    • Sophist[ArsPunetica]

      Pancakes!

      • Barbara_i

        Terrific! That means we can move forward with our plan to give up pancakes for Lent. Actually, for Lent, I am going to give up.

    • MarshallBanana

      1. Steal underwear.
      2. Install Muslin Kenyan Socialist Preznit
      3. Coerce the Media
      4, ???
      5. PROF–I mean, JIHAD!!!!!

    • LesBontemps

      Profit!

    • Polythene Pam

      A thousand years of democracy, peace & prosperity for all people and creatures of the earth.

      • Pithaughn

        What happens in 3012? JIHAD!!

    • genxr

      Profit!

    • Prophet!

  • No wonder Adult Diaper makers love to buy ads on RW radio. In wingtardia, every day is a Depends kind of day. It might be libruls indoctrinating kids with facts, the next it's an army of gays trying make Hooter and Gopher have legal butt sexxing and then next it's Muslins and their scary Core-Anne and so on.

  • GuyClinch

    Man overboard. And how is it that there are so many hours in the fucking day and radio bandwidth in this fucking world for every ass-hookah washed-out former GOP congressman to get a fucking job as a fucking talk-show host?! Jesus. Just like athletes, they all go into fucking broadcasting. Fuck.

  • I cannot believe I had no idea Fred Grandy had a crazy-time radio show. Hey, maybe he can run for the Republican nomination now?

  • samsuncle

    Snark off. These right-wing antimuslim fearmongers are too stupid to realize that all this histeria is only encouraging otherwise peace loveing American Muslims into becoming jihadist.

    • PalinPussyPower

      It's also encouraging raging atheists like me. I have no sympathy for any religion but you pull this racist teabaggery shit and it makes me want to strap a bomb to my tits and praise Allah.

  • Gopherit

    I'd tell my teabagging namesake to ask Issac for a job, but I think he might be Gopher's "Deep Throat" in the coming ninjaja jihad. Where is Captain Steubing when you need him?

  • chickensmack

    blah blah Muslims blah blah.

    Meanwhile, no one's talking about the Christian threat.

    • Polythene Pam

      Well, except for that one NPR guy

    • ArmoredBore

      Hutaree? Izzat one o' dem Japanese cartoons the dumb kids are inta these days?

    • glamourdammerung

      There is no "Christian threat". Bombing the homos, abortion clinics, Olympic games, and MLK Jr. parades is A-OK.

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    All snark aside, but do these people really believe the shit that they spout out of their mouths? I tell myself that they don't, that they are all just using some coded racist language, but then you get fruit baskets like this lady and Pam Atlas who seem to be suffering a major psychotic break and are being enabled by those around them who are in on the joke. These people really need help, they dn't need to have their paranoid delusions legitimized at the expense of their mental health for the purposes of political grandstanding

    • MarshallBanana

      Reagan defunded all those public mental health facilities for a reason.

      • BarryOPotter

        Actually, I think he had two reasons: Alzheimer's and a staggering lack of compassion.

  • Sophist[ArsPunetica]

    “The real problem is that none of us seem to understand there is self-jihad, civilization jihad, going on in our country every single day, 24/7,” Catherine Mann-Grandy said.

    Don't forget the NPR jihad against teabaggers. Or the union jihad against Scott Walker. Or the Flotus jihad against anusburgers. Or the DMV employee that jihaded you by making you wait for 15 minutes to renew your mobility scooter license. Jihad. Jihad. JIHAD.

    • genxr

      I hit a traffic jihad on my way to work today.

      • mumbly_joe

        END TRAFFIC STOP JIHAD.

  • freakishlywrong

    How do these assholes keep all the hating straight? It gives me a migraine trying to figure out to whom today's 3 minutes should be directed. Illeeegals, Moslims, "Socialists", (African Americans), women, middle class, libruls..fuck, my eyeballs.

    • Sophist[ArsPunetica]

      It's simple. Look in a mirror, then look at the potential hatee in question. Are they exactly like you? If not, then hate away.

    • Gopherit

      It's easier to do it Beck's way. Use a shitload of chalkboards.

    • MarshallBanana

      This is why I'm glad we just have one nice and simple target for hate. It really cuts down on the confusion.

    • chickensmack

      If they would only employ the scientific method, they could filter their hate much more efficiently. But they won't use it, because they know that their Jesus will evaporate into a noxious cloud of "what the fuck was I thinking for so long?", and — the ultimate irony — pride indeed goes before the fall.

  • __kth__

    also true story: Fred Grandy got a job offer from CREEP (the insanely-apt acronym for Nixon's re-election committee) circa 1972, but passed because he wanted to give acting a shot. In a universe where God really exists, he would have taken the job, and ended up sharing a cell with Donald Segretti.

    • V572625694

      Is that Donald "Rat-fucker" Segretti of whom you speak?

      • __kth__

        yes, of course

    • SorosBot

      But being a criminal working for Nixon (or Reagan) caught red-handed can also be a good road to a lucrative career as a crazed right-wing loudmouth, as G. Gordon Liddy, Chuck Colson and Oliver North have shown.

    • Steverino247

      The Bitch Boat
      Soon will be making another cruise…

  • mumbly_joe

    I actually think you have that backwards. This is one of those places where we're supposed to scream and holler about CENSORSHIP, because being paid to host your public racist hate show is a RIGHT, unlike making private candid comments about how some haters are racists while also taking pains to make it clear that you're not actually speaking on behalf of your employer.

  • aguacatero

    It sounds nice, but be aware — in these green- and cost-conscious times — that self-jihad uses a lot more electricity.

  • widestanceroman

    All those who did not think 'The Love Boat' was a vessel of pure evil can suck it now. I always knew what it was.

    Thinking ahead to this afternoon, will Jack or Ken be taking on Newt's new assertion that it was patriotism that made him pump all those non-wife ladies' throats? The snark is welling inside me (and I think I like it).

    • V572625694

      Whereas "Fantasy Island" was totally a force for good.

      • widestanceroman

        By good, you mean washed-up celebs, right?

    • mog253

      It was a good excuse to drink a lot of Bailey's and boink on the couch. Anything to avoid Capt. Steubing.

    • jim89048

      I dunno, Lauren Tewes turned out OK.

  • metamarcisf

    O'Keefe may have capsized NPR today with his crusade for the truth, but we got more than even by getting Gopher and his clueless spouse off the air temporarily. That'll show them ball sucking teabag bastards!

    • GOPCrusher

      I honestly can say that I wasn't aware that the Grandy's had a radio program. Always wondered what happened to The Gopher. He lost in the Republiklan primary for Governor to Terry Branstad back in the early 90's and faded off into obscurity.
      I wish I could say that Iowa was a better place for it.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Self-jihad? Is that why there are so many blind imams?

    • jus_wonderin

      Only the double jointed ones.

  • baconzgood

    "I see London
    I see France
    I see bombs in underpants"

  • Slim_Pickins

    Joe McCarthy, where are you when we need yah?

    • freakishlywrong

      "Right here!" – Peter King

  • Zombie_Reagan

    Is it a surprise to anyone that Tea Tards receive their news from someone (formerly) known as "Gopher"?

  • jus_wonderin

    A conservative marriage and she has a hyphenated name??????????? What gives? I thought they beat them until they gave up their idenity?? Like teaching a plowhorse to say in the row.

  • baconzgood

    "24/7 Jihad" is also the name of the Bodega that the family of sikhs owns down at the end of my block.

  • we have to watch out for stealth jihad, people! it is so stealthy that there is absolutely no evidence that it exists! just think about that, and how extra scary it is. the very idea makes my heart race, and keeps me awake all night with boners of terror.

  • V572625694

    Self-jihad. I like it. I'm going to commit vino-jihad on a bottle of Pinot Noir tonight, right after the Martini-jihad at 5:30.

    • Self-jihad leads to blindness and hairy palms.

    • Barbara_i

      It's pink girly wine jihad at my house tonight.

    • mog253

      Martini Jihad! I like it.

  • Pithaughn

    "a dash of Sharia and a pinch of caliphate" Alton Brown recommends buying this at your local mega mart and grinding it fresh, just before adding it your cous cous.

  • Extemporanus

    I hear that Julie the cruise director used to suck Gopher's dick for coke, but I've decided to withhold judgment until fellow former congressman Cooter Davenport (D-Hazzard County) is able to weigh in on the matter.

  • Tommmcatt

    Is it just me, or do all conservative women slowly start to resemble bleach-dipped witch-doctor shrunken heads over time?

    • user-of-owls

      It is just you. You are much too generous with your description.

    • philpjfry

      no, it's not you, they do. And their anus gets tighter and tighter until they explode. See Ann Colter

    • glamourdammerung

      Funny how having a permanent scowl tends to do that.

    • Some of them, however get so fat they put mayonaise on asprin. Their husbands can't drop them off anywhere without getting a ticket for littering.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Crap! I thought Meaghan (sp) was the congressman's wife they removed from the air. Well, we'll continue hoping..

  • Fuck all. At 1:11 even MehGun Kelly goes incredulous.

  • GregComlish

    Oh Come on. Everyone does the 5 finger jihad. Nothing wrong with it. I've been doing the one-man "divine struggle" since I was 13 years old.

    • user-of-owls

      …and the girlies, they love themselves some fatwa, because size does matter.

      • mayor_quimby

        Yes, they do love the length of and girth of my fatwa.
        That shit blocks out the sun completely when I face east.

  • philpjfry

    What did crazy people do before the internet?

    • mog253

      Lived in my basement.

    • Steverino247

      They were in psychiatric hospitals until the Libertarians took over the GOP.

  • baconzgood

    Did someone get in Glenn Beck's medication?

  • KochFembot

    Witch hunt for the person who told them to tone it down in 3…2…

  • GregComlish

    Oh don't tell me about it. I've still got a Hard-on for Hey Dude

  • SorosBot

    So they just up and quit at the first sign of trouble; they must have both been big Sarah Palin fans.

  • hagajim

    Who is next in the old white witch hunt line? We've have the negroes, then the messicans, and now the mooslems….anyone wanna bet on the Chinese? I think they're already starting to ratchet up the fear machine on that bunch now.

  • Redhead

    You forgot to mention that we think they're retarded, and the scooters.

  • Gold_ManSacks

    i might prefer jihad and a caliphate to these tea bagging cock shits. I'll gladly pay my one Dinar a year not to have to listen to Jesus-freaks all the god damned time.

  • kissawookiee

    Muslin orchestration makes me crazy. Too much ululating.

  • pinkocommi

    The US is well and truly fucked if the person with the most insight into the Muslim Brotherhood's jihadist conspiracy is a 1970s-celebrity-has-been's wife named Mrs. Fred.

  • ChrisM2011

    The right does realize we get a good portion of our oil from the middle east, right? When they anger Muslims to the point that they cut us off, where will conservatives get their gas for the tractor pulls? Those engines don't run on Jesus you know!

  • Troubledog

    The real problem is that audiences and advertisers for this sort of schlock continue to decline as the post-midterm pendulum swings back toward the center.

    The rapid expansion (note, we do not use the word 'explosion') of hate radio and other so-called conservative media that began in 07, bloomed in the summer of 08, went nuclear during HCR and crested with the appeasement of the midterm elections created many media outlets all offering the same product, albeit with widely varying quality.

    Now the market is saturated with low quality product, faced with a ratings decline and increasing distaste of advertisers means there are too many goods chasing too few dollars. No one is immune from market contraction, as we saw a couple days ago even Glenn Beck's Fox audience has decreased by a third.

    Expect more and more of these guys to blame sinister forces for their cancellations, or indeed find ways to resign when they see the writing on the wall, when in reality it's just a function of the free market economy they're so fond of.

  • ttommyunger

    Well, I AM depressed! Guess I'll click on pornhub.com and self-jihad on this boner for awhile, heh, heh.

  • Unless my Iowa political geography is off, which is always a possibilty, the Gopher district is the same one now represented by Steve "mighty coon killer" King, aka the OTHER crazy congressman King.

    I'm beginning to think Buddy Holly's plane crash was not an accident.

  • chascates

    After St. Reagan caused the Iron Curtain to fall the commies hiding in America sold their spots in government, the media, and ethnic grocery stores to Islamists.

  • MinAgain

    Where do I send my check for the American Crazy Society? 'Cause we got to find a cure for this shit now.

  • user-of-owls

    Mr. Ed > Mrs. Fred

  • torera

    Civilization jihad? That's a holy war to make everyone and everything civilized, right? Sign me up.

  • DahBoner

    Is it possible to run for president if you were born in Panama?

  • owhatever

    Is this a great example of free speech, or what? Look. She opens her mouth and words roll out. Imagine the dinner table conversation at Gopher's house.

  • doloras

    Two, five, zero, zero, zero. JIHAD!

    (If anyone gets that ultra-obscure reference, I love you to death.)

  • doxastic

    Self-jihad = the little death

  • PublicLuxury

    I'm in for ten

  • glamourdammerung

    I had often suspected Isaac Washington was up to no good. And the position of a the ship's bartender was the perfect place for an Islamoterrorfiend to hide.

  • mavenmaven

    I'm still hot for Julie. In fact, perhaps I'll wear this to the next Wonkette meet-up http://www.hollywoodtoysandcostumes.com/Adult-Cru

  • carlgt1

    why are so many Repuke "leaders" bad third-rate actors — Reagan, Fred Thompson, Sonny Bono, the boring guy from Ferris Bueller, Gopher…

    • frostbitefalls

      At least Sonny Bono had the good grace to ski into a tree and die.

  • glamourdammerung

    So, basically, either the free market not supporting bigotry and/or Mrs. Gopher's inability to follow the directions of her employer is now a Muslim terror group?

    Those sneaky Muslims.

    THE INVISIBLE HAND IS A MUSLIN!!!111!!!

  • And he was a smart dude, he discovered gravity.

  • catholic4condom

    We have the stealth bomber they have "stealth jihad"

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