New Newspaper Reader Sarah Palin Decides Washington Post Is ‘Through’

  her favorite game

Have you no proper English?
What’s that? Is Sarah Palin reading newspapers now? Haha, no, she’s just retweeting the Weekly Standard again. But hey, we actually agree with her! The Washington Post is terrible! But it’s not “through” yet; it makes a lot of money gouging the government with its Kaplan brand of fake colleges and gouging rich parents with its Kaplan brand of test prep crap.

The Weekly Standard points to a post on the Post‘s humor blog thing. We’ve always said it was a terrible idea for the Post to give Dana Milbank his own humor blog to edit, but if there’s one thing the Post is good at, it’s giving salaries to people who are terrible at their jobs.

Still, the post in question is just a caption contest featuring a photo of President Obama with former poet laureate Donald Hall, who looks awesome. It’s not something to get offended about. There are more offensive posts on that “humor blog” if you want to find something to get offended about.

But we think this is a good idea:

As it happens, the 89-year-old ex-editor of the Post, Benjamin Bradlee, occasionally walks past THE WEEKLY STANDARD building, which is between his home and the Post, where he maintains an office. Bradlee, once a dashing boulevardier type, now looks very much like a man approaching his ninetieth birthday, and shuffles painfully along the sidewalk with a slightly bewildered expression on his face. If I were to take a photograph of Bradlee the next time I see him, and offer it to Alexandra Petri and Dana Milbank at “ComPost,” do you suppose they would repeat the Photo Caption Contest, and invite readers to send in snarky comments?

 
Related video

That would be fun! Please do that, troll. [Twitter/Weekly Standard]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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166 comments

  1. __kth__

    That's actually a great idea for a dead pool: which becomes defunct first, Palin or Kaplan?

    1. Sophist[ArsPunetica]

      I'm putting my money on the heat-death of the universe happening before either.

  2. Barbara_i

    Now, more than ever, I am glad that I didn't vote the '08 Curmudgeon/ Bludgeon ticket. Damn you, McCain!

  3. nounverb911

    "but if there’s one thing the Post is good at, it’s giving salaries to people who are terrible at their jobs."
    Then why doesn't Palin work for them?

    1. Terry

      A "salary" involves showing up to a job regularly. Palin gets speaking and appearance fees and checks from book publishers. She doesn't do so well with the commitment required for a salary.

    1. tessiee

      I'm still not sure that she knows what the word means, but I'm amazed that she could even spell it correctly.

  4. sezme

    Sarah's just afraid that if they make fun of an old person for being old, next they'll start making fun of her for being stupid.

    1. Sophist[ArsPunetica]

      No, I'm pretty sure that would require some degree of self awareness. She's just convinced people are making fun of her because they're jealous of how awesome she is.

    1. V572625694

      Well, it's better than helping with their homework, soccer practice, and violin lessons.

  5. Sophist[ArsPunetica]

    Wait, Lou Sarah is defending an artsy-fartsy ivory tower librul elitist poetry-fag type? I thought they were fair game, especially for fellow travelers like the WaPo?

  6. fuflans

    it's funny seeing 'sarah palin', 'shame' and a picture of jared loughner on the same page.

  7. edgydrifter

    I'm conflicted. On one hand, we can rejoice that Palin's twatter has freed us from Richard Cohen's banality and Maureen Dowd's fanciful recollections of her time as D.C.'s premier femme fatale. On the other hand, it's Palin, so up hers.

        1. ThankYouJeebus

          How prescient is that article from August 2008?

          "So what does the incident actually say about Palin? If nothing else, it plays into the developing perception that she has a ruthless streak when taking on her political opponents, whether they be opposing legislators or state/local employees."

  8. SorosBot

    Palin's so dumb, she doesn't even realize the Washington Post is mostly on her side, particularly when it comes to killing the brown people.

    1. smokefilledroommate

      Please let this spawn an entire 'Palin's so dumb' joke preface–

      "Sarah Palin's so dumb she thinks a thesaurus is what Jesus rode around on"..

      "Sarah Palin's so dumb she tried to refudiate Richard Dawson"..

      (I'm here all night, folks)

      1. tessiee

        "Sarah Palin is so dumb, she thinks that preaching abstinence prevents teenagers from having unprotected sex"

        "Sarah Palin is so dumb, she thinks that she's a match for Kathy Griffin"

        Oh, wait… Upon closer inspection, I see that you said "joke", not "documentary". My bad.

        1. ulTIMum

          Palin is so dumb when her handlers told her the veep only voted in the Senate in a tie she sent Todd down to Saks Mensware for one.

  9. OC_Surf_Serf

    Hey Sarah, shorten 'through' to 'thru' and you have about 9 or 14 more characters for stupidity.

  10. Hatrabbit

    That woman sure has her finger on the pulse … no … um … Retweet Button! of America

  11. prommie

    This, this post was motivated by the fact that she just found out that "wapo" means Washington Post, someone just explained it to her, speaking very very slowly, I am sure, and she is so proud of her new "insider" knowledge, that she's been waiting for any pretense to Tweet "WaPo" and show off what a total in the know, knowledgeable person who knows stuff she is.

    1. smokefilledroommate

      Besides, 'wshngtn post'– or however the hell she used to refer to it– takes valuable character space.

    2. Doktor Avalanche

      She no longer just uses it to refer to the fella at the pizza place anymore. Progress!

    3. tessiee

      "show off what a total in the know, knowledgeable person who knows stuff she is. "

      also too.

  12. Redhead

    Well, if anyone knows anything about being through before the normal term has expired, it's certainly Sarah!

  13. GuyClinch

    From the Weekly Standard:

    "One of the embarrassments of the nation's capital is that the dominant newspaper in Washington is relentlessly philistine, and routinely second-rate in its cultural coverage. Its free-standing book section was discontinued last year, and its coverage of music, art, dance, theatre, and film is either nonexistent or seemingly aimed at the lowest common denominator in its readership."

    Well, goddammit, as a daily reader of Kaplan's daily sheet (I need to for work), I just found something I can agree on with the folks at Kristol's rag.

  14. Sophist[ArsPunetica]

    Quoth the Weekly Standard:

    One of the embarrassments of the nation's capital is that the dominant newspaper in Washington is relentlessly philistine, and routinely second-rate in its cultural coverage.

    Yeah, because when I think about what's wrong with Washington, sub-par opera reviews really tops the list. That doesn't even make my top ten list of things that are wrong with the Washington Post.

    1. GuyClinch

      Well, as you can see above, I really wish the Post (esp. the Sunday edition) was something I felt like spending some time with, especially after being a reader of it for 24 years. Instead, I have to shell out $6 for the NYT.

      1. Sophist[ArsPunetica]

        Well, yeah, and I'm sure the passengers on the Titanic would have appreciated comfier deckchairs. It'd be nice, but I'd prefer they fix other things first, like maybe not publishing a bunch of articles about how we need to invade Bahrain because that's the brown-people country Richard Cohen drew out of the hat.

  15. Extemporanus

    And with this post, Wonkette's "Fap Tuesday" celebrations officially draw to a close.

    1. MissTaken

      NOOO!!!

      Just remember there was a day, or two, when we thought Sarah got implants. Implants=Boobies=Fap Fap Fap. QED, yay!

  16. Chillwaver

    "Through"? Was she thinking about Todd's Eskimo Happy Ending incident when she twatted this?

  17. SexySmurf

    In a follow-up Tweet, Sarah declared the Omaha World-Herald to be "soooo last week."

    1. V572625694

      And don't get her started on the Peach Pages of the Des Moines Register. They had three or four typos just last week!

  18. ttommyunger

    That Sarah loves her some Twattage! It was a Gawd-Send for her since it totally cloaks her grammar and spelling ignorance in utter cool trendy hip-ness, you betcha!

    1. V572625694

      It's as if they devised a mechanism that could channel her "thoughts" directly. Since none of Alaskunt's thoughts exceed 140 characters.

  19. CliveWarren

    I think she was trying to spell "thorough". Or maybe this is how one twitter-breviates the word thorough. Through=Thru, Thorough=Through.

    What would one abbreviate and end up with "T" is still a mystery.

  20. DoktorZoom

    Now wait a freakin' minute….SARAH GODDAMN PALIN is taking umbrage at someone mildly mocking a POET (elitist) and PRESIDENT OBAMA (Kenyan Usurper / socialist / antichrist)?

    Got it. So, I've unwittingly crossed into a parallel universe. Quick–does your Spock have a beard, or not?

    1. Jsoeur

      Just the poet, pretty sure. Side bar has a jug-eared picture of Obama, advertising the "WS Obama Head" She's a sharp one alright:

      "Go ahead. Give the Commander in Chief a big squeeze. With our soft, mushy Obama Stress Head, you can crush those half-baked liberal ideas before they do any more damage. Plus… you can build up an iron grip at the same time. Pin his ears back, turn that smile upside down. Come on… you know you want to."

    1. tcaalaw

      That's what happens when you don't have a qualified taxidermist prepare your trophies.

    2. Negropolis

      I'm sure she does. Is there an animal she has not yet murdered from a helicopter?

      Oh, yeah: TIGER BLOOD LIBEL!

  21. JackObin

    Watch out Warshington Post, for you have an illiterate community college dropout after your ass. To assuage the half-wit, why not have the Cohen lad write a column praising Jesus and illegitimate babies?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      If by "read", you mean sees them in their little glass front vending machines and wonders where the hook and the toys are.

  22. SayItWithWookies

    Whoah — Palin & the Weakly Standard vs. Milbank & Petri of the Post — this is one of those standoffs like Hannity vs. the craziest imam he can get on his show duking it out. I really can't see the point in taking sides, since I hope all that remains after the fur settles are a couple of teeth and some torn sphincter muscles. Alas, with Palin & WS's worldly tolerance vs. M &P's innate funniness, it's more likely both parties will leave the field totally unharmed.

    1. ifthethunderdontgetya

      In other words, it's just another slap fight between servants of the plutocracy.

      Tomorrow, the Kochs, the Grahams, etc. will be richer, and the rest of us will be poorer.

      Again.
      ~

  23. MinAgain

    With the Republicans in my state bent on turning Tennessee into medieval fiefdom (with football; we will be a southern fiefdom, after all), I find it hard to muster any outrage about this one.

      1. MinAgain

        What haven't they done? The latest outrage is from Rep. Pat Marsh and Sen. Jamie Woodson, who have sponsored legislation that exempts brokers and insurance agents from the Tennessee Consumer Protection Act.

        Because God knows those poor brokers need protection from John and Jane Q. Citizen and their silly demands for fair dealing.

  24. Texan_Bulldog

    "Bradlee, once a dashing boulevardier type, now looks very much like a man approaching his ninetieth birthday, and shuffles painfully along the sidewalk with a slightly bewildered expression on his face."

    Ben is actually only 50 but being married to Sally Quinn has aged him in dog years.

  25. fartknocker

    The Tundratwat twittered. I read that tweet and I sincerely believe my 9 year old neice has more mental acumen and texting skills than this half-brained, self-centered bitch. I'll bet having any real conversation with her is analagous to teaching a chimpanzee about String Theory.

    I'm sure her next tweetard posting will be about NPR. Her stupidity has no boundaries.

  26. Come here a minute

    They finally found an opportunity to use the "Ben Bradley walks like an old" nugget they've been saving all these months. Oh boy, that was sweet!

      1. smokefilledroommate

        Disclaimer: joking about this subject does not diminish or trivialize art in any sense. Goddamn..

        Gonna go kick some newly-revised 'You Don't Know Jack' ass..

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Sarah thinks that championing the arts is liking reruns of Art Carney on the Honeymooners. The Tundratwat wouldn't know good art if it fell on her head. May WaPo and Sarah the Impaler just go away and leave us alone. Go! Get! Outa here!

  27. el_donaldo

    She probably should have waited until she found out what Donald Hall's opinion of her is. I'm just guessing if he ever says what it is, she'll not be coming to his defense so quickly. Besides, what good are poets anyway if you're not making fun of them?

  28. DoktorZoom

    My caption submission:

    Wait, Sarah Palin is shocked about WHAT this time? No, I don't think she reads poetry. She thinks "The Waste Land" is where we should drill for oil.

  29. genxr

    Sarah's tweets remind me of the talking dog in Up! "I just now heard of that old man but conservatives are offended so I will defend him now. WaPo you are my prisoner now, please be my prisoner. Have you no —- SQUIRREL!"

    1. trampndirtdown

      Speaking of being distracted how much you wanna bet while TundraTwat was mashing keys on her blackberry Wallow was upstairs playing "just the tip" with the local cool kid.

  30. V572625694

    Before Slate snuffed its useful "Today's Papers" features, I used it to gloss the Post, LA Times, NYT and WSJ every morning to give myself the illusion I knew what was going on. With the demise of that feature I had to actually dig into the Post's terminally ugly Web site every morning to see if they had any big stories worth reading. It's been so long since they did that I'm just about to quit.

    So, Sarah: you're right about one thing. And the earth isn't quaking and the sun's still shining. Maybe God doesn't read Twats, so let's not tell Him.

  31. comrad_darkness

    N*gger good. Retard bad.

    (When this ceases to sum up all things Palin, I'll stop repeating it.)

    P.P.S: I should just stop clicking on the Palin posts. Wait, a minute . . . I thought there was going to be a hiatus. A Palincation, if you will. What happened to that?

  32. Fare la Volpe

    I forgot that in Sarah's World, Suffering Tragedy = Immunity from all criticism ever.

    See Trig, Bristol, Walnuts, et al.

      1. SorosBot

        Or Rush Limbaugh calling Democrats retarded; a Dem using that word is a personal attack of Trig though.

  33. zappadoo76

    The Washington Post is a good newspaper. You can wrap fish up in it, and, later on, if you want to, you can read it.

  34. Jukesgrrl

    One wonders if the Half-Governor would leap to the defense of America's 14th Poet Laureate had she known he was a graduate of Phillips Exeter, Harvard, and Oxford (ELITIST!) and a pacifist (TROOP-HATER!) dating back to the 1960s when he signed the “Writers and Editors War Tax Protest” pledge, vowing to refuse tax payments in protest against the Vietnam War. But now that Sister Sarah has expressed her support, perhaps we could enjoin this master of revision to teach her that writing is a craft, not merely an outlet for hysterical expression in 40 characters or less.

    1. Come here a minute

      Our Snowbilly Grifter supports Donald Hall because she thinks the 140 character limit makes her a poet.

    2. trampndirtdown

      Lol wait til she finds out that the Christian Science Monitor isn't an organization that checks to see if Creationism is being taught in High Schools.

  35. LionelHutzEsq

    All I can say is Thank God The Half-Term-Quitting Governor of Alaska continues to keep abreast of the important stories in this world…,

    Or at least she continues to read the shortest bits in the Weekly Standard.

  36. donner_froh

    The National Arts Medal is one big-ass piece of bling. Hall must still be in good shape if he can stand up with that dinner plate around his neck.

  37. Doktor Avalanche

    See, now I would have guessed her thoughts require seat-down-comfortable-slippers-and-a-good-book amount of time. So glad I'm not the one channeling her.

  38. The_Great_Gazoo

    The WaPo is through? Finally there is something I can agree with Sarah Palin on. And I thought this day would never come.

  39. aguacatero

    Hey, any time Sarah Palin says anything about any intellectual other than they should be shipped off in railroad cars, we should be grateful.

  40. El Pinche

    Hmmmm, It's been a while since Trol or whatever was born. I'm surprised honkey Jesus has not commanded her drop another prop.

    Sarah, have the lambs stopped screaming? ??

  41. KenLayIsAlive

    I'm mostly offended that Alison Petri still has a job as a "comedy" writer.

    She really brings out the sharp comedic knives for the elderly poets and ghetto muralists.

    I can't wait to see what powerful interest group she dares to take on next!

  42. OneYieldRegular

    I'm guessing Donald Hall – a poet! – had health care coverage for the treatment of his cancer. Next thing you know those socialists in Washington will be wanting to provide health care coverage for people with pre-existing conditions, you know, like cancer.

  43. berkeleyfarm

    LOL. Sarah Palin asking someone else "have you no shame?" I'm glad I got the Snowbilly upgrade on my irony meter, else it would be a pile of molten goo right now.

    She's been on a roll lately. Do you think she's jellus that Charlie Sheen is getting all the attention and is escalating to try to bring it back to herself?

  44. chascates

    I think Lynn Vincent is still writing Grisly Mama's tweets & Facetwats. Sarah's too busy looking at herself in the mirror and surfing the interwebz for slights to her or her brood. Not a sparrow falls without her being offended, any public humor is directed at her personally, and the lamestream media exist solely to torment her, godless parasites that they are.

    Twisted combination of school marm and celebrity scold, nothing slips by her jaundiced eyes. Any political news cries out for her opinion, any cultural meme requires her judgment. The most unwelcome cyber guest at any gathering will never be President; that's too much work. Even a public speech follows the same script (plus no media allowed). Perennially offended, she'll eventually fall into crank status, though a rich one to be sure.

    She needs to have an Alaskan race named after her. How about, the 'I-did-her,Todd'?

  45. ShaveTheWhales

    Oh, before I forget, fuck Sarah Palin with a diesel-driven tungsten carbide fucksaw.

    Thank you.

  46. XOhioan

    Christ, am I agreeing with Lou Sarah? I doubt it, since an intern is probably doing the actual twits. However, how is this a good photo for a funny caption contest? That peerless Dana Milbank funny bone at work again!

  47. BarackMyWorld

    I think that the reason Palin said "All of them" to Katie Couric when asked what magazines and newspapers she reads wasn't because she couldn't think of any, but she couldn't name any that weren't hard-right propaganda or tabloids and didn't wants to deal with the fall-out from THAT.

  48. Negropolis

    Translation: Keep.looking.at. me, ME, MEEE!!!

    This just goes to show that she'll make any argument for attention. She'll go against whatever code she claimed to have, yesterday, if it means getting attention, today. So, how much did the Weekly Standard pay her for this tweet?

    Sarah's self-destruction is a slow-burn, and while kind of fun to watch, at first, is now just rather pitiful.

  49. BaldarTFlagass

    I've been cultivating this 29-yr-old out-of-town hottie (obviously with daddy issues, but hey) over the last year and have had to learn how to communicate by text, as that's how it seems the youth of American primarily stay in touch these days. The txtng shorthand used is sometimes confusing to me, but even I can figure out that "ur thru" uses a whole hell of a lot of less characters than "You're through."

    Obviously, she made a typo.

    1. mereoblivion

      Of COURSE your o-o-t hottie made a typo, bro. In well-founded awe at your prowess dans le boudoir, she meant to txt "ur thoro."

  50. BaldarTFlagass

    Hearing the words "Are you through?" is almost as bad as hearing "Is it in yet?"

  51. joobajooba

    Yes, but…. Alexandra Petri-dish reveals her clueless existence every time she puts a finger to keyboard. If she has ever had a genuine experience in her life I would be stunned.

  52. littlebigdaddy

    I get all the information I need from the Wasilla Meth-Examiner. You should check out the personals.

  53. hagajim

    "(Bradlee) shuffles painfully along the sidewalk with a slightly bewildered expression on his face

    He's bewildered because he still wonders what in the fuck happened to the newspaper he used to run and how it turned into such a turdfart so quickly…

  54. inoffensive_guy

    It is sad that so many supposedly enlightened readers have responded to Ms. Petri's allegedly racist remarks with such virulent misogyny. Pot, meet kettle.

Comments are closed.