Rick Santorum is a half-been loser, but because he was once a U.S. senator, he is allowed to run for president of the United States and be taken somewhat seriously. Unfortunately for Santorum, he’s not even very popular these days with the conservative base, who once loved him but have since morphed into prickly Teabaggers. Santorum is pretty clueless as to how to reach these people, since they ignore him, but he’s going to try to pander anyway. An op-ed in the Des Moines Register entitled “Forefathers fought for religious freedom” gives us an early look at what his platform will look like. According to brand-new constitutional scholar Rick Santorum, there’s an oft-overlooked section of the First Amendment the founders put in there so the government couldn’t pass a law that violates Christianity. It’s a “national treasure” secret that’s not Clarence Thomas’ dick!
Schools, the media, and even some politicians often like to remind us of the first part of our First Amendment – that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion” – but tend to omit the remainder: “or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” [...]
Just five years ago, Catholic Charities of Boston announced it was getting out of the adoption business as a result of Massachusetts “orientation discrimination laws.” Catholic Charities had a terrible choice: continue finding homes for hard to place kids at the expense of their religious principles or stop providing adoption services and keep the faith. It was a choice they should have never had to make.
With the redefinition of marriage, religious groups of all types will be forced to make the same type of choice – get out of the business of helping people or compromise your constitutionally protected convictions. This will pit the rights men like Jefferson and Madison hammered out against the desire of a sect of society to be personally affirmed.
See, because Massachusetts wouldn’t give its orphans to the Catholic Church, which only wanted them if it could discriminate against people, legalizing gay marriage will make religion illegal. And the framers didn’t want religion to be illegal. Makes sense! Yeah, the founders definitely wanted religions deciding what laws could and couldn’t be passed. That worked well in England. [Des Moines Register via Wonkette operative chascates]
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Jefferson and Madison "hammered out"? Is that sweaty man-on-man action of which you speak?
I'm surprised that it wasn't shoved down their throats!
No–a hammer is an EXIT tool, not an entrance tool.
NO, since a hammer is an EXIT tool, not an entrance tool.
Madison must have had a hell of a hammer since Thom was in gay Paris (and likely Sally Hemmings) when the Constitution was drafted and the Bill of Rights/ ratification fight went down.
So frothy.
A frothy mix of Constitutional analysis and Bible-thumping ignorance.
. . .that is always the result of banal sex.
This will pit the rights men like Jefferson and Madison hammered out against the desire of a sect of society to be personally affirmed.
What in the hell does that even mean?
Duh, winning!
It means little Ricky doesn't understand the Constitution.
He just puts big words out so brain dead tea baggers think he's gone to smart makin' school.
It means it's time to take another shit.
I think it's some kind of code for dog sex or something like that.
I think Sarah let him have her recipe for "Word Salad" and he put his own spin on it by topping it with a frothy mix of butt sects over organic homegrown heirloom syllables.
It is about anal sects, I think.
Enema Man, Crazy "No Entrance" Lady, and now Santorum. Wonkette is on a Freudian Power Play.
Also known as a Shat Trick.
Slip of the bung.
Turd time's a charm!
Simpson-Santorum 2012!
Now with even more frothy butt-lube.
~
Don't forget shy-boy Larry http://wonkette.com/314897/exclusive-i-had-sex-wi…
We're gonna need a bigger mop to clean up all the Santorum that's been
spilled on this post.
Small ess, please. Common noun.
Butt that Addams Family photo never gets old!
That there. That there is a real 'Murican fambly. They are just upset because they lost their list for the church pic-a-nic in the Walmartz.
I might be going to hell for the schadenfreude I have felt every time I've seen that picture since that fateful night in November 2006!
Since it's the Santorums, I felt it just had to be spelled "butt".
He may have appeal to the "base" given his poor grammar.
He will also appeal to the "shaft."
burning at the stake is too good for the likes of them.
hang, but not to death, cut off the privies, draw out the guts, cut them into quarters, and scatter the pieces to the dogs.
Gimmie some of that old time religion!
Dude, you're sounding like how the Breitbart people talk about us!!!!
Did I go too far? (Too much Tudors/Henry VIII)
Maybe those Founding Fathers actually understood what happens when church has access to state power. A couple of hundred years of indiscriminate burnings will do that.
Tudors hunh I thought maybe you had been reading some histories of the Puritan/ Calvinist pilgrims searching for religious freedom by brutalizing Quakers in new England.
If by brutalizing, you mean hanging until dead, yes you nailed my favorite episode of the Christian v. Christian wars. Loves them Rhode Islander's who realized since we are making new religions every few months, we need to get the state out of religion.
Of course the syndrome of formerly persecuted religious minorities persecuting others as soon as they get the power to do so has no parallel in today's world.
He's got the homophobic christians confused with the teabaggers. There is some overlap, but not that much, the teabaggers deep down equate "liberty" with "not paying taxes" and fear that the near president will give all their money away to his lazy cousins with his nazi socializms. There's no use dragging the founding fathers into a homo-hating party, its God what says we should hate homos, its the founding fathers who didn't pay taxes and owned the blacks, so they wouldn't get uppity and become president.
Ah yes, Madison + Jefferson – perhaps the 2 'Founding Fathers' who most mistrusted organized religion.
santorum – stop smearing these founders' names with your santorum.
People like Santorum, are quick to point out the "prohibiting the free exercise thereof…" to justify their argument to shove their particular Xtian cult worship down the throats of the masses.
But they also neglect to acknowledge that it also means freedom from religion.
The Catholic Church deals in the children trade? Why I never heard of such.
Geez, dude, just start carrying around a "God Hates Fags" sign and be done with it.
Rick Santorum: Feces Warlock
Annnnnd…I'm spent.
Societal Sects, not butt sects.
'Prickly Teabaggers'. Thanks. Are those the people with a 5-o'clock scrotum shadow? This will now haunt my nightmares for a while.
"Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth."
–Thomas Jefferson, hammering out Notes on the State of Virginia
LIEZ! HE NEVER HAD NO KORAN, NEITHER!
Where's the part where he talks about how Mohammed is a pedophile and woman-beater? That's gotta be in there somewheres…
Thanks. I just pictured Mohammed in a wife-beater. That image in my brain by itself is enough to get me fatwahed.
If this has anything to do with santorum, is the term is 'jiholed' ?
Can I get that quote on my new license plate, please? Sort of a counterbalance to the "In God We Trust" plates.
Don't defund Planned Parenthood and you'll have less orphans up for adoption.
quadruple thumbs up on that one cascates
Don't let significant advancement toward your stated goal get in the way of your ideology.
Catholic Charities had a terrible choice: either treat all fully-functioning adults as equals, or refuse to provide adoption services unless they can drag society back to the fifteenth century where things still made sense to their pathetic little dogma.
And yet the same Santorum who decries society's advances in this case pretends he loathes Islam because he thinks it allows men to beat their wives. In fact that's merely cover, and he loathes Islam because it's not Christianity, in much the same manner that he loathes any non-Christian-theocratic type of government, including our current one.
The original framers wanted to say:
“Religion. You can’t live with it and you can’t kill it.”
But instead they timidly said:
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”
So, it's totally gay to give kids to gay parents, but not gay at all to molest them in the vestments room? Got it. Thanks for the clarification, Rick.
Ahhhh…ahhhh…motherfucking AHHHHH! This lying prick! What he fails to inform us of is that the Catholic Church only has to play by MA's rules IF THEY TAKE MA MONEY. I hate this shit!
EXACTLY! Catholic Charities could still be in the adoption biz as long as they refused to take those sweet, sweet monies from the state (er, commonwealth). They're pissing and moaning and making this a big issue because they want to have their cake and eat it too. Doesn't work that way, suckers.
Slightly OT, but I heard Pawlenty on the radio this morning and it sounds like he is trying to develop a southern accent. Can one of the interns track this down?
I heard it too, but remember he had gone south to Iowa. I'm pretty sure it was Haley Barbour doing his Tool-Paw imitation.
Tahr Bawls.
It's not southern, it's "folksy". The subtle but important distinction is that the latter is deployed to con the former.
Coolness, so Rick will be contacting Peter King and tell him to knock off harassing Muslims exercise their religion! What? He won't? I'm confused.
Allowing the Catholic Church to have custody of parentless children was a bad idea in the first place.
Exhibit A: Christian Brothers in Ireland.
Man I've been saving this for just such an occasion:
Manful resolve and brave face on the failed candidate, weary resignation in the dutiful spouse, no-White-House-wedding-for-me thinking oldest daughter, son envisioning his Columbine-style rampage, and youngest with doll in matching dress just telling it all in one face: "Why, Jeebus? WHY?"
♪♫ And so it was that later,
As Joe Miller told his tale,
That Santorum's pitch at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale ♫♪
Win
Say what you want about Santorum, but he pretty much single-handedly disproves the notion that the anus is a one-way street.
That frothy mix of lube and fecal matter has to ooze out somewhere.
When I think of "Catholic Charities of Boston" and their work of adopting children, I also think of mall pet stores. What happens to the
puppieschildren they don'tsellplace?they get cornholed by priests
Sorry Rick, but just as the Supreme Court found that the First Amendment does not mean that it's OK to use illegal drugs in the context of a religious ceremony, it also does not mean that you can justify illegal discrimination with "but my religion commands me to be a hateful bigot".
Actually, at least in North Dakota, I believe it is still legal to use peyote in the Native American Church.
Yeah, but that's because many of the states created a special exemption for Peyote after Employment Division v Smith: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employment_Division_…
I try not to read or listen to anything Rick Santorum has to say, it takes days to rinse the frothy mix of lube and bullshit out of my brain.
I never can pronounce it right. Is it SanTOR-um, SANT-orum, or PIG FUCK?
I am reusing this again and again and again.
I love you.
Ben (all cats are grey in the dark) Franklin was particularly big on freedom from religion.
Ducksworthy: There's a great old Blues song "You Can't Tell the Difference After Dark." Sung, of course, by Alberta Hunter. TG-Bob says "Check it out!"
One of my fave quotes about religion also involves cats and darkness: "A theologian is a person who goes into a dark basement at midnight, without a flashlight, looking for a black cat that isn't there."
This concludes our morning-long puketastic Laff-o-lympics relay with the Really Rottens in the lead!
…Please tell me it's concluding? I'm still dry-heaving, under my desk.
It's so sad (not) when the old guys try to get the band back together without writing a single new song.
And another thing: what is up with Santorum's face? It's all crooked like he was created by Picasso.
Yes. The elevation change in his widow's peak alone defies the law of gravity.
But adoption by married male / female couples who are good Catholics like Carmen and Jorge Berahona always work out great for the kids. Good thing it wasn't a gay man that doused those kids with pesticides and tried to set them on fire in his truck.
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/02/17/florida.b…
An investigator told the court that she went to the family's home on February 11 but had not seen the children. Instead, she said, she left after speaking with Carmen Barahona, planning to return on Monday. Asked why she did not return sooner, she said, "I'm not allowed to do investigations on a weekend."
That and she probably has 300 cases to wade through.
I hope there are more of these stories soon (and there |are, actually) especially because Scott is planning on cutting DCF funds even further.
Isn't the right to abuse children one of the key teabagger principles they're fighting/fapping for?
Theocracy Now!
LinkTv rocks
"It was a choice they should have never had to make."
Dear Santorum,
If the government isn't allowed to fund abortions, then it shouldn't be allowed to fund the unwanted children that result. We should keep the "choices" as balanced as possible.
Signed,
MM
Part of Frothy_Mix's speech:
"When they ask society to give [a same sex relationship] special recognition and privileges, then we should be able to have a rational debate about whether that is good public policy.
"We should also ensure the debate takes cognizance of its constitutional implications. And with the President's decision, the free exercise of religion will be eviscerated."
Emphasis mine. This is a tacit admission that marriage is a religious event. Ergo, no need to uphold DOMA, dickface.
Ha ha ha. You tried to use logic on a sack of Santorum.
Ha, ha! History fail!
How is it that these clowns that keep bringing up Jefferson, Madison, Paine, and others have utterly no clue that those enlightened cosmopolitan guys would have had nothing but vicious, hot contempt for them and their ilk.
I doubt Jefferson, Madison or Paine would hire someone named "Santorum" to do anything more than unjam their outhouses.
I just knew that no matter how hot Diane Kruger, "National Treasure 3" was going to be a flop.
What person in their right mind would hand over a child to any Catholic priest?
For every post I see on this asshole, I'm going to Google his name 10 times.
Keep up the SEO work so http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/ stays number one, or number two, as the case may be.
Works on Bing..Also
As I was saying to my wife Queenie while I was combing the burrs out of her beautiful glossy coat, if the Catholic Church can't get a steady supply of orphans, where are they supposed to get
altarboys to buttßechs?Using Santorum's logic, the second ammendment prevents me from moving to Texas because too many people own guns there. Therefore, my right to be a Texan is being abridged and the Second Ammendment must be revoked.
Obviously, this is Santorum's first move in the imposition of Sharia Law upon our nation. The Greater Muslim Conspiracy knows no bounds.
I have a question: where do these Repub wack-jobs get their income? This guy, Gingrich, Romney, Palin, Xtine, Guilani, Pawlenty, etc. none of them actually have jobs anymore, do they? I know Palin gettings the speaking gigs, but even that's starting to dry up. And yet still they manage to carry on and bloviate day-in-and-day-out.
Faux "analysts". Books. Speeches. Teatards.
Gingrich has like 87 PACs that "award" novelty freedom gavels to retards. All they have to do is buy a $5000 ticket to the awards banquet.
By "Teatards" I meant scammed gullible retards. So, yes.
Its not easy being a Kochsucker.
Slippery Rick 100k per from Uncle Rupert.
Newty 1mil per from Unks
Hey Rick…..FUCK YOU OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I HATE YOU!!!! If you run for POTUS I think I'll explode in rage.
Once again, anyone who sais somthing shitty about him gets an up fist from me.
Oh man just remember being from PA. he's all yours.
And the children are..corned. Brainwashed Jebus in a cult. Those kids!
Boy, he just pulls this stuff out of his ass, doesn't he?
He is so full of it I believe the stuff simply oozes.
OT, but James O'Keefe has another bullshit dress-up video out, this time trying to slander NPR: http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2011/03/ja…
NPR deserves that treatment, seeing as how they've become all Tea-party all the time, with plenty of helpings of Iraq War Criminal memoir celebrations. O'Keefe certainly can't damage them from outside anywhere near what Kenneth Tomlinson did from the inside. I hope NPR walk away from their dalliance with Cheney and the right wing megalith with butts so badly bleeding no amount of listening to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me can heal them.
My anus froths in disgust. I can't blame Santorum though. I think it happened after I shoved my computer mouse up there in solidarity with the purple dress lady of the other post.
"Santorum is pretty clueless as to how to reach these people, since they ignore him, but he’s going to try to pander anyway."
They ignore him because their collective political memory only goes back as far as their first fap to Sarah Palin. Before becoming "Tea Party Organizers" they were all into NASCAR and Lost…
Dirty froth from both holes. Outstanding.
A few months after his defeat I saw him on the street downtown and as he passed I said "loser."
Speaking truth to losers is one of the most important tasks we have as liberals.
In all seriousness though I love how the right wingers bring up Jefferson views on freedom but forget his views on public education. Bring up Hamilton's economic platforms but forget his federalism. Franklins views on personal responsibly but forget his stand on eminent domain. NOT TO MENTION MOST WERE MASIONS!!!!!!!!
This dovetails nicely with the Colorado buttsechs testimony. Nicely done Wonkettz.
". . . get out of the business of helping people . . ."
The business of helping people? Maybe the Catholic church should quit giving kids the business, in the butt. Seriously though, if they want to "get out of the business of helping people" they should turn in their tax-free status card STAT.
i would like to propose an amendment to the constitution wherein if you cite the founding fathers you have to actually understand the founding fathers as evidenced by passing a high school level civics test.
that is all.
Santorum: 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum. Wait a second now, which is which? No matter what lubricant he now sports, his political ambitions ride on a quick check of what a santorum is `a la intertubes.
True but have you seen my battery operated Huckabee? And if you get Santorum on it I don't want it back.
Oh i see when its Sharia it's bad but when Catholics do it,it's totally ok. So very frothy
"From Laughing Stock to Laughing Stock: A Journey. The Memoirs of Rick Santorum"
Remember when what appeared to be a large number of personal expenses (such as a single hamburger from a joint near his home) appeared on his campaign expense report? And how he got a home mortgage from a Pennsylvania "private bank" that, according to its website, sought high net worth individuals as clients but still made him a loan? Remember how he billed the local school system for his childrens' education? And the brouhaha about where he actually lived?
What's not to like?
Instead of just 'Liking' this Santorum post I wish I could upfist it. Make it a downright Upfistival!
"With the redefinition of marriage, religious groups of all types will be forced to make the same type of choice – get out of the business of helping people or compromise your constitutionally protected convictions."
Question for Ricky boy….doesn't government definition of what marriage is – by nature – violate the free exercise clause? Can't blame the dumbass for trying, but again he is just spewing a bunch of Santorum.
Trying to explain to Santorum why using a government program to discriminate against groups a church opposes violates the first amendment is like trying to explain algebra to a 5 year old.
Except there are maybe a few 5 year olds who could actually understand algebra.
To put what many of you have written in more concrete terms: Following Santorum's logic, if I'm a devout member of the Taliban, and the state passes a law that I can no longer commit violence against a woman if she bares her hair in public, then the state is preventing me from exercising my "freedom of religion."
Good to see that Santorum's campaign is all about jobs. Blow jobs, hand jobs, rim jobs, whatever. It's all jobs, jobs, jobs. He's positively frothy about it.
What will it take for this guy to just STFU?
A giant tranny dick in his mouth, I hope.
He's prolly hoping for that, too.
Ah, the Catholic Church. Still whining about how far it has fallen since the glory days of the Inquisition, when just looking like an uppity woman or a gay caballero or a wealthy Jew was sufficient reason to take your money, your land, and your life.
What person in their right mind would hand over a child to any government/Regressive school?
“[T]hink the Catholic Church has a problem?” she said. “The physical sexual abuse of students in schools is likely more than 100 times the abuse by priests.”
From:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/08/24/opinion…
There ya' go–fixed. All bettuh? Don't let reality get in the way of your lies and simple-minded subscription to the lies of others.
Please note the word Opinion in the above referenced link. "Tom Hoopes is executive editor of the National Catholic Register and, with his wife, April, is editorial director of Faith & Family magazine."
Now that about as authoritative as it gets, short of Jeebus himself riding in on a dinosaur.
There are plenty more documented stories out there for those not too intellectually vacuous/lazy to find them–give it a go, Slug. Kevin Jennings leads the charge for the sexualization/perversion of the government school children. Don't be afraid, go ahead, you can do it, Tiger. Get to clickin'.
When a teacher at a public school is caught molesting kids, he's fired and tried for it; when a Catholic priest does so, the Church moves him to a new diocese and covers it up, by threatening the child and parents with excommunication. Even if the rate was the same (which it isn't, that was just pulled out of their ass), the disparate treatment makes the Church itself culpable for child rape, while the school districts are not.
You say that as if it is unequivocally true which you know, of course, isn't. That means you're a biased, close-minded bigot. Pick one, DoubleDumb:
http://www.bing.com/search?q=unions+covering+for+…
Wait, wait, waaaaaiiiitttt, just a minute there, Sparky. Are you shilling for the Catholic Church? Please don't go there. "…lies and simple minded subscription…" ??? Bullshit.
I'm a recovering Catholic. The Catholic Church tends to protect and promote pedophiles. The public schools do not. A very substantial (minority) percentage of priests are pedophiles. And the hierarchy of the church is only concerned with not getting discovered.
The idea that the percentage of public school teachers are the kind of sick child molesters that can be found in the Catholic Church, is, well, preposterous. And you know better. Don't come around here with that weak, "hey look over there" shit.
I suggest you find something better to do than run interference for such a corrupt organization. The commenters here are a bit too well educated for that. I would be glad to direct you to the Glenn Beck website, where you can post to your heart's content.
'Not shilling for the church–standing up to your blindness, ignorance, prejudice, bigotry, etc.
"A very substantial (minority) percentage of priests are pedophiles."
Which is it, Bigot, a very substantial percentage or a minority? Your bigotry is evident in your assumption that I give Beck the time of day, too.
Don't respond to me any further if all you're going to do is repeat your bigoted statements and not provide any documentation in at least a feeble attempt to pretend you come from a position of authority.
I stand by all I've thus said if for no other reason than your intellectual vacuity is probably as good an indicator that I'm right, you're not, and that you are, indeed, just a run-of-the-mill bigot so typically found at this site.
Sheesh…the Breitbart trolls sure are ornery today.
"A very substantial percentage" and "a minority" are not mutually exclusive categories; get a brain, moran.
Regardless of how many biased articles you can dig up, the fact remains that the Catholic Church, from the Papacy on down, supported the numerous incidents of child molestation committed by its priests over the last 30+ years by failing to do anything about it.
21 Philadelphia priests suspended March 8, 2011 based on accusations of sexual abuse.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/09/us/09priests.ht…
LOL. Breitbart troll has a sad.
I can't get enough of that picture. Do you think the photographer came as he was snapping it?
Just goes to show – you can never wipe that "my parents brought home a still born baby and made me hug it" look off a kids face.
"I got techniques dripping out my butt-cheeks, Sleep on my stomach so I don't fuck up my sheets"
"Ready to Die" – Notorious R.I.C.
Yeah! Yeah! ( puff newty)
I have no idea how I just deleted my comment.
The Pope, he done gone and done it.
Thanks to Wall Street, there's a little santorum in all of us.
Christian Churches only of course, Mosks need not apply.
Imagine their poor little teabagging faces when The Sheriff wins handily again because the culture wars are over and we won. Rick Buttseks just hasn't figured it out yet.
God forbid a child be paced with a single person or gay couple, you know, instead of being left behind in the orphanarium where the nuns will rent out the children to errant, unsupervised priests like some common brothel…
Does this man know not irony?
So he has a problem with his name. He could try changing it to Rick Phelcher, that should fix it.
The results are all from a bunch of right-wing shill sites that are known for lying, and you're calling me biased? No. When you point to the Freepers as a source, it's obvious you have no facts to stand on.
Not only that, it looks like they are all about the same goddamn story. So in teabagger math, 1 = "plenty more."
Where did we find this guy? He's adorable!
So you rejected all of those as "biased?" Why am I not surprised that you rejected all of those? Because I had you pegged for the close-minded bigot you are? Yes, I think that's it.
You haven't even pretended to link me to anything to refute what I've said while pretending that I'm arguing that the Catholic church is innocent in any of this. I made clear from the beginning that my intention is not to defend the church but to get you to remove your blinders about the evils of the government ed system. Thanks for playing.
I was right, you're just another anti-Christian bigot or as Wonkette-types like to spin it–you're extremely tolerant–of those who tell you what you want to hear. I can't believe I haven't been thrown off here yet like I have been twice already, by the "tolerant, openminded" censor/moderator.
Ah yes, the old "oh yeah prove it" bullshit all you Breitbart trolls love to throw out after you've been thoroughly repudiated. No; you have not inked to anything that's shown any evidence for your bullshit claims, and you are the troll here so you don't get to make any demands of us regulars.
I.E. nothing, huh? You can "mark" a website all you want but it doesn't make it yours. It just demonstrates how feral the average Regressive is.
"Deeming" refutation doesn't actually work in adult world–bad try, though.
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