HUMAN MYSTERIES  12:25 pm March 8, 2011

Anti-Gay Lady Doesn’t Know Ladies Can Have Butt Sex, Too

by Ken Layne

Not an entrance!There are no pressing issues in Colorado, so the state Senate is hearing public testimony regarding “civil unions” (butt sex). That’s why this scary old lady from the “Eagle Forum” decided to lecture lawmakers on the proper use of the anus and the sphincter — and by “proper,” she definitely does not mean she’d like anybody sticking their whatzit in that business! This is why American Jesus-God made butts tight and, we guess, vaginas all loose and floppy? Is it possible this lady needs an emergency medical exam instead of dangerously sitting around the Colorado State Senate? The video answer may surprise you!

Not really, the video will just give you the willies:


Please nobody tell this lady that ladies can also have the butt sex. [Box Turtle Bulletin via Wonkette tipster "Luke"]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 188 comments }

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 12:29 pm

That video gives me the shrivellies.

Chillwaver March 8, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Vinegar-sippin' cringes, man.

Dashboard_Jesus March 8, 2011 at 2:27 pm

hahahhahahaha…I couldn't even get past the headline, alt-text photo and first paragraph w/out falling out of my chair laughing (and of course everyone in office just HAD to rush in to what happened! :)

GOPCrusher March 8, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I can't see how those people can just sit there and listen to Grandma talk about buttsechs without recreating the Porky's scene with Beulah Ballbricker asking for a police lineup to identify Tommy Turner's dick sticking through the wall of the women's shower.

TanzbodenKoenig March 8, 2011 at 9:30 pm

I CANT FAP TO THIS!

Crank_Tango March 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Well ladies. It's International Women's Day, AND Mardi Gras, so let's break out the beads and have a good time. No chance of being an unwed mother if we do the buttseks, also.

MinAgain March 8, 2011 at 12:53 pm

And I'm wearing purple in honor of the day! No beads, though. I have a hearing.

Crank_Tango March 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm

well see you GET the beads for taking off that hot hot purple suit. Or is it just a burlap bag dyed and made to look like a jacket. Either way.

mavenmaven March 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Ross Douthat looks good in that purple outfit, but what did he do to his hair?

Beetagger March 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm

"The anus is not an entrance. It is an exit." I have this embroidered on a beautiful needlepoint by my grandmother.

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Is the mouth an entrance or exit? I can't remember.

forgracie March 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Depends on whether you're swallowing or puking I guess….

GuyClinch March 8, 2011 at 12:37 pm

After reading about Clarence Thomas' sex life, it was definitely an exit.

Redhead March 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Depends on if you spit or swallow.

OneDollarJuana March 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Hmmm, her mouth looks like an anus. Explains the crap coming out of it.

Trannysurprise March 8, 2011 at 12:37 pm

That's THE perfect tramp stamp.

riverside68 March 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

What's the Enema Man got to say about Anus: extrance or exit?

Purple lady strikes me as big on enemas, but I'm just takin a shot in the dark.

xsluggo March 8, 2011 at 1:05 pm

“No Exit“, now at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. Standing room only.

Extemporanus March 8, 2011 at 1:33 pm

My wife's birthday is coming up — do you think your grandmother could make a needlepoint fucksaw cozy for me that reads "The anus is a revolving door."?

SorosBot March 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Nobody tell her that lesbians exist either.

mumbly_joe March 8, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Also, too, pegging.

UW8316154 March 8, 2011 at 7:08 pm

mmmm….pegging.

Crank_Tango March 8, 2011 at 12:31 pm

wait, since 5-12 is a latency period, we SHOULD teach sex ed before that?

bagofmice March 8, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I wish she would describe exactly WHAT is latent.

Barbara_i March 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

"vaginas all loose and floppy?"
How did we go from having to use K-Y Jelly to Poligrip, all of a sudden?
I'm going to go play some mahjong and work on my Kiegel exercises.

LeAlbatross March 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Does…does the mah jongg help??

Barbara_i March 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I play the Pogo version, "mahjong" No, it doesn't help.

Barbara_i March 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I am playing the generic Pogo version "mahjong" They spell it this way to avoid having to pay for any ancient Chinese secret copyright infringements. No, it doesn't help.

Iam_Who_Iam March 8, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I imagine if you were to use the most unique part of your anatomy to move the tiles, yes. Embarrassing when you lose a tile though.

Seriously, imagine the talent required.

[and btw, LeAlbatross FTW]

SmutBoffin March 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

…the anus is an exit, it is not an entrance…THIS IS SCIENCE…

Really? I must have missed that day in butt-science class.

Ken Layne March 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

What we need more of is butt-science.

bagofmice March 8, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Read in an MC Hawking voice.

comptoneffect March 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Sure, it was the day after the lecture, “Things to do with your scrotum”.

Lascauxcaveman March 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Well, how gay is Bill Nye?

V572625694 March 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

bagofmice March 8, 2011 at 1:38 pm

You should ask SPEED WALKER!!

Dashboard_Jesus March 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

now THAT'S funny!

MinAgain March 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I went to a southern high school. There was no butt-science class, but we did have a spitting area.

JimmyCarlBlack March 8, 2011 at 12:58 pm

I suppository she's got a point there.

trampndirtdown March 9, 2011 at 12:00 am

Wait I thought science classes were outlawed by the fuindie council?

Negropolis March 9, 2011 at 1:56 am

Since when do conservatives care about science? Oh, yeah, when they think it helps them with their hateful arguments.

donner_froh March 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

"We should tell the truth about fornication and sodomy"

Sounds like a good thing for the Colorado state senate to spend their time doing. If our elected officials can't inform us about sodomy who are we supposed to count on–the Catholic church?

OneDollarJuana March 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

The truth is that while RepublicanChristianStraightOneManOneWomanMissionaryUpstandingCitizens say they never engage in sodomy and fornication, chronic scandals on the Right prove that they engage in it more than one might think possible.

Graham Cracker March 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Aren't they the experts????

Negropolis March 9, 2011 at 1:57 am

You know when the committee heard that line they unzipped to start jerking off.

owhatever March 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

The church lady.

Troubledog March 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Buttsex? Here's two tickets to that thing you like. The tickets are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.

Hatrabbit March 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I'd take her testimony more seriously if she wasn't sitting on a Dr Huckenbecker patented 'Vibrating Butt-Plug Chair' while she gave it.

Just sayin'.

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

And it would be funnier if she road it like a the mechanical bull scene from Urban Cowboy.

JadedDissonance March 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

All this talk of Exits and Joseph Stalin has permanently removed my mind from the gutter.

Gratuitous World March 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

For PR purposes, please meet Northwestern's newest adjunct professor in human sexuality.

fuflans March 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

i wish we had gotten to hear what stalin had to say about MA teaching kindergartners to be homosexuals.

edgydrifter March 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Brown starfish and floppy beef curtains. Economy? War? Fuck those–we've got to stay focused on the important issues.

MildMidwesterner March 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Ken — I think you're mistaken about the ladies and the buttsex. I've asked plenty of ladies if we could have buttsex, and the answer was always an emphatic, "No!"

Ducksworthy March 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I think you might be phrasing the question improperly.

freakishlywrong March 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

She just needs someone to wiggle it around in her feces. She'll come around. (I have barfed several times today).

freakishlywrong March 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Pheumonia. Really freakish? What the fuck? It's all that barfing.

forgracie March 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Any bets this woman is in favor of limited government when it comes to WIC or Headstart?

donner_froh March 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

The state senator facing the camera seems to be thinking either "If I sneak out of this a bit early I can stop for a quick fornication and sodomy session with a constituent" or "I blew all those rich donors for this?

Texan_Bulldog March 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

I refuse to watch that video. But good to see everyone in CO has jobs & health care since they are taking up time with this issue of vital importance.

trampndirtdown March 9, 2011 at 12:06 am

If there were less riding around on free UN!!!q111 bicycles in Denver this kind of hearing wouldn't happen. Hickenlooper (shakes fist at sky).

V572625694 March 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Legimaslators love to talk about buttßechs and kiddie porn and other things they can punish severely because it doesn't cost anything to pass such laws. Financing schools in poor neighborhoods…why would they want to vote for that?

As George Carlin said:

"Our thrust is to prick holes in the stiff front erected by the smut dealers. We must keep mounting an offensive to penetrate any crack in his defenses so we can to lay to rest his dominant position. We want him hung and we want fast action. Let's get on him. Let's ram through a stiff bail law..so it will be hard for him to get it up. We've got to come together so we can whip this thing into submission. It'll be hard on us, but we can’t lick it by being soft!"

Guppy06 March 8, 2011 at 1:09 pm

"buttßechs"

German ass-fucking? Is that like French kissing?

V572625694 March 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

ein bisschen härter, glaube ich

andrewdrinker March 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Sicher hast du Recht. Jetzt bieg um, bitte.

CUNextTuesday March 8, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Erhalten Sie einen Raum!

tr[edacted]down March 9, 2011 at 12:10 am

As a Pole I find this offensive. Now where did you want me to dig that ditch, and why do I have to stand in it? Hey what are you going to do with that machine gun? Oh!

Clancy_Pants March 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Nice thing is they heard this testimony and were still able to move the Civil Unions bill out of committee. What's Michele Bachmann's mom doing in Colorado, also.

HempDogbane March 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

OK, I'll do it. "Eagle Forum Lady, ladies can have the butt sex, too. But yes, of course Eagle Forum Jesus wants the dude/dudette to pull out right now and never enter there again."

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Sonny, you need some Vicks Vapo Rub.

hagajim March 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

"We should tell the truth about fornication and sodomy"

It's a lot of fun and we will all have plenty of time to practice – because there are no jobz!

MadBrahms March 8, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Well, especially considering that there are so many synonyms for "awesome" (the truth about fornication and sodomy)

ifthethunderdontgetya March 8, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Today is poop day at Wonkette.

And who better to explain it all than bitter, shriveled olds like Alan Simpson and Aunt Prudy Prunes?
~

MinAgain March 8, 2011 at 12:41 pm

A day without buttsecks is like a day without sunshine.

Sophist[ArsPunetica] March 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

You know what, lady, I'll do you one better. After that video I'm thinking we should just ban all sex, everywhere, forever. Let the cockroaches have a go at running the show.

weejee March 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Phillthis Phyllis.

How can this crone still be around? She was an olde when I was in college in Illinois and I'm and olde now. Least she is consistent though. She's still a large pain in the anus. Take it out Phyllis, take it out.

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Just breathe and relax.

neiltheblaze March 8, 2011 at 8:30 pm

She's living proof that only the good die young.

CliveWarren March 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

A vagina is an exit and an entrance… I mean that is the reason it is flanked by those flappy saloon style doors, right? I'm not a vagina expert, by the way. But I install a mean door if necessary – one day that will be considered sexy…

hagajim March 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Meat curtains – YAY!!!

V572625694 March 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Careful with your router there, when you rabbet out for the hinges.

franco_pinyon March 8, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Hahahaha.. Man! The folks who get all steamed up about teh geyz get crazier and crazier. Sheesh!

trampndirtdown March 9, 2011 at 12:15 am

Welcome.

4TheTurnstiles March 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm

"You say you can't live with what you been through…
But lady, you can be an asshole too–
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you–oo,
But don't fool yourself, girl, it's winkin' at you…"

doloras March 8, 2011 at 9:00 pm

A girl don't need no fancy grease
To get herself some rump release.

SorosBot March 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm

The truth about fornication and sodomy is that they're fun, so I'm surprised this woman who seems to hate sex so much wants to tell the truth about them.

chickensmack March 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I don't know a lot — and Charlie Sheen As God knows I'm no hedonist — but how exactly would ladies have teh buttsecks?

I think of two improperly placed parentheses. )(

I am just not worldly enough, perhaps.

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

"get me 1 cucumpers, 2 pease cigs, and som cakes we like…"

MinAgain March 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Toys, darlin'. Toys.

chickensmack March 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

DING!

Thank you for the clarity. And if you're reading, "4TheTurnstiles," FUCK YOU for engraving that John Goodman shit on my head.

4TheTurnstiles March 8, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Imagine a woman who looks like John Goodman pegging a woman who looks like a unitarian minister, because she is one, and then…

try to erase that from your mind

doloras March 8, 2011 at 9:02 pm

THIS IS POSSIBLY THE GREATEST COMMENT EVER WRITTEN

Negropolis March 9, 2011 at 2:01 am

Winning!

OneDollarJuana March 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm

You never saw a double-ended dildo? They even come in different lengths.

trampndirtdown March 9, 2011 at 12:48 am

Don't know about the ladies but Bryan Safi told me about the mens http://current.com/shows/infomania/91311537_thats

baconzgood March 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I've never seen anyone talk so much about asses with thier head so far up it before.

Tundra Grifter March 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm

You be the hen
And I'll be the rooster.
Anything we do
You're gonna get use to…

PS: Today we're all Jessica Cutler. Or, at least, 100% behind her.

mrblifil March 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Hey Mickey!
Now when you take me by the ***
Who's ever gonna know?
Everytime you move I let
A little more show
It's something we can use
So don't say no Mickey

So c'mon and give it to me anyway you can
Anyway you wanna do it
I'll take it like a man
But please baby please, don't leave me in the dam Mickey

Boojum_Reborn March 8, 2011 at 10:38 pm

A damn fine place.

Hatrabbit March 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm

If God didn't want people to have butt sex he wouldn't use little sphincters to stop them, he'd insert bright red hexagonal stop signs up our butts, and have warning whistles and things.

And he'd say in the bible: "Listen to the shrivelly old lady in the purple jacket about anal sexnstuff. What she said, FTW!"

Yep, that's what he'd do.

Oblios_Cap March 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I refuse to comment on this woman's views on buttsex until Enema Man weighs in with his thoughts on the subject.

mrblifil March 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm

He's out walking his Snoopy Snoopy Poopy Dogg.

prommie March 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm

"The anus is an exit, not an entrance."

"The unwed mother rate is 40%"

I'm confused; you'd think she'd be in favor of more rump-wrangling, as it would keep down the unwed mother rate?

FlownOver March 8, 2011 at 1:12 pm

And he said unto them, "Verily I say unto thee, confuse not the morans with REASON, lest they cease to provide unto thee all that hilarious shit."

GregComlish March 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Seriously. Every good Christian girl knows that the vagina is a sacred site, while the ass is made for EZ Ridin'.

emmelemm March 8, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Rump-wrangling is my favorite phrase of the day.

natoslug March 8, 2011 at 1:41 pm

She continued on to discuss tightness — I think what she was trying to say was that kids today need to stick with oral. With anal, you run the risk of accidental vaginal penetration.

andrewdrinker March 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Oral is moral!

trampndirtdown March 9, 2011 at 12:52 am

Moral Orel was my favourite Adult Swim show.

inedal March 15, 2011 at 2:05 pm

how about Oral Roberts?
in case any of you young kids don't remember, during those clinton-intern oral days, Gore Vidal gave the most moral
response to this Constitutional Dilemma by saying-
better to have oral sex in the white house than Oral Roberts in the oval office.

Steverino247 March 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm

She is opposed to buttsecks because her followers would have to remove their heads first and they might like the view.

JoshuaNorton March 8, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I'm sure that no matter where you stuck it on her, it would have all the traction of a glass of warm water.

Just sayin'…..

V572625694 March 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm

OT, but too too juicy: James O'Keefe just punked NPR. That is to say, he got their bigshots to say the teabaggers are racists.

Can we check w/Juan Williams on that one? Oh that's right: he got fired. Maybe Susan Stanberg has an opinion.

karen March 8, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Oh goodie, they'll take shit from all sides for speaking the truth.

My sister became a teabagger, and I swear to zombie jesus every time she takes her kids to the goddamn doctor she deems it necessary to say "I like Dr. SuchandSuch, even though he probably wants to kill us all or bomb a building." And that's regardless of the fact that the man is from India, but he's a brown so it counts all the same. These people are racist, xenophobic slobs, and they deserve to be called out on it.

mumbly_joe March 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Breaking news: NPR is full of liberals! Possibly because conservatives all want to destroy it! And also are in fact, racist, xenophobic slobs.

Also, it's kinda hilarious how it's being presented on the right-wing blogs: Pimpbagger posed as part of a "Muslim Brotherhood front group" Read: "As part of a generic and innocuous-seeming Muslim group, but we're all racist, xenophobic slobs"

mumbly_joe March 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Speak of the slob and he does downfist, apparently. DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT DOWNFISTING IS WRONG, BECAUSE OF SCIENCE?!

mrblifil March 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Men are from Mars, this bitch can stick it up her anus.

OneDollarJuana March 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm

But not from overuse. Or use.

freakishlywrong March 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Don't think it's your chest cold, Manchu. Reading about Clarence Thomas's chocolate concrete stiffy and this dowager's floppy vajayjay could give you phenomena. Take care.

Gopherit March 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm

The mouth is an entrance. Get busy, old lady. And take out them dentures.

PalinPussyPower March 8, 2011 at 12:58 pm

I will be inserting my computer mouse in my anus before I send this woman an email. I will let her know that the mouse was Christened by my ass. I might even provide her with video evidence. For science.

OC_Surf_Serf March 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

How did she get out of the Home? Morgan Freeman drive her there?

mereoblivion March 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Buttsechs bribery.

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Driving Miss Crazy?

doxastic March 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

If the video of your speech ends up titled "Testimony About the Anus," and you are not in fact a proctologist, something has gone very very wrong.

SorosBot March 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Now, I think we can also expect good testimony about the Anus from the honored lord Sir Mix-a-Lot.

MissTaken March 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Yesterday was Booty Appreciation Day after all. I'm sure Sir Mix-a-Lot raised a few in honor of them.

MissTaken March 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Or gone very, very right.

xsluggo March 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

What would Bristol Palin do, and how often?

Maman March 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Hmmm, my kids went to the wrong kind of school then. There was no kindergarten sex ed there… but I will admit to explaining the birds and the bees before my girls were 12 as puberty was already well under way..

baconzgood March 8, 2011 at 1:03 pm

But sticking my dick in an ear is still OK right?

GunTotingProgressive March 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Apparently aural sex is allowed.

trampndirtdown March 9, 2011 at 12:57 am

And an onion on your belt.

outragedcitizen March 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Wait! I thought the sphincter was there to keep your shit from falling out of your asshole at inconvenient times.

emmelemm March 8, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Now that's science!

GOPCrusher March 8, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Once you are over forty, never trust a fart.

Come here a minute March 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm

She needs George Will to teach her a lesson about the Huckabee dildo.

Oblios_Cap March 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

The burning question that has yet to be asked is:

"What impact will this have on the nation's supply of Anusburgers?"

Maman March 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Dear Ken, Re: "Anti-Gay Lady Doesn’t Know Ladies Can Have Butt Sex, Too"….. shhhh. Let's keep it a secret or everyone will want too…

MiniMencken March 8, 2011 at 1:11 pm

For the re-butt-al: Jessica Cutler (R-D.C.)

MooseDroppings March 8, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Since I have nothing to do this afternoon guess I'll edit this video and make it look like this old bag is testifying in front of a group of children. Bet nobody's thought of that ….

GregComlish March 8, 2011 at 1:19 pm

If we don't teach our kids the truth about butts in school, then they will end up being taught by the media, by rappers like Mister Enema and Poopy Snoopy Dog and God knows who else.

widestanceroman March 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

It would be swell if Kirk Cameron was teaching Banana 101 right next to her.

Hell, it would be even sweller if both these lessons were being given by mimes.

Extemporanus March 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Keep the non-stop string of sexxxy stories comin', Wonkette…I'm almost there!

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP!

The_Great_Gazoo March 8, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Colorado can now replace all "Keep Out" signs with pictures of sphincters. And "Exit" signs with pictures of anuses.

Blendergoathead March 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Well, given the choice between buttsecks and eliminating collective bargaining for public employees, at least Colorado picked the buttsecks. Hurrah!

aguacatero March 8, 2011 at 1:31 pm

The editing of the video doesn't allow us to know whether her reference to Stalin is intended to be negative — perhaps because of the Man of Steel's notorious coddling of homosexuals — or positive (because of his role in building the Koch fortune).

El Pinche March 8, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Is that picture from Gasper Noe's Hurt Locker 2?

widestanceroman March 8, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Clearly, her husband does not follow the 3-finger rule.

mumbly_joe March 8, 2011 at 1:41 pm

So, here's my issue: the line in that sacred book of ghost stories that is interpreted as saying "no butt-fucking" is the part that says you shouldn't lie with a man the same as you would with a woman, right?

I'm asking, because if people like this nutcase are so sure ladies don't do ass fucking, then how is it actually a sin, come to think of it?

Also, while we're on the topic of SRS THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS, is it really "spilling your seed upon the earth" if your partner swallows? What if you spill your seed upon their chest? Is that okay?

Oh, and one last question: why would any God worthy of veneration and respect be so fucking obsessed with where we put our genitals and whom we let touch them, rather than, say, with making sure we're all decent people to each other?

Gorillionaire March 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

To be fair, Sasha Grey should do the rebuttal.

trampndirtdown March 9, 2011 at 1:00 am

+1

BornInATrailer March 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

In the GOP Big Tent, this lady is the "This Way to the Egress" sign.

Gopherit March 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

It would appear that angry, anti-buttsecks, gay hating hag may have influenced some of the graphics made for International Women's Day: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_NeSYa0SiaNI/S5TaLcCgA3I

BornInATrailer March 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Sorry grandpa, maybe next year. Keep trying to wear her down.

pinkocommi March 8, 2011 at 2:23 pm

This old lady make buttsecks sound so not sexy.

PeaceWithHonor March 8, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Tissue micro-tears. Stop with that sexy talk

carlgt1 March 8, 2011 at 2:25 pm

well Sarah Silverman (for one) has been complaining about butt sex for years….

XOhioan March 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm

A sphincter is supposed to keep shit inside until it is appropriate to release it. Now I know that Colorado senate committee hearings are a good place to do that.

Tommmcatt March 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Baby, the anus IS an entrance when I am involved. You should be so lucky, by the way.

andrewdrinker March 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm

I had to go stare at the cover of the April 2011 issue of Glamour (Kate Winslet!) in order to try to erase everything that had entered my mind while watching that video and reading all of your comments.

Kate's doing her best, but it's just not erasing everything.

CalamityJames March 8, 2011 at 4:11 pm

It seems rather obvious that you are a married man, or perhaps you have an unhealthy fascination with the Lady Winslet. Either way, talking about some old's lack of butt sechs is probably the closest you'll get to luvin' teh muffin'. I weep for you. While I have butt sechs.

Ducksworthy March 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm

So. The mouth is the entrance. And the anus is the exit. That Long Dong Silver must be truly extraordinary, Mrs. Shitflie.

assistantatlas March 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Why do we keep letting people who know nothing about sex testify to official government bodies about sex?

ttommyunger March 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

The only thing more embarrassing than being the buttsecks lady would be sitting as a member of her audience; but then they were all politicians, so they're immune to the embarrassment thingy, right? I'll bet her Bridge Club thinks she is just the Cat's Meow, though. Brave lady. Now please haul your wrinkled pee-crusted snatch back to your McMansion and change your husband's diaper, he's starting to stink.

BTWBFDIMHO March 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm

The anus is not an entrance. It is an exit.
And, if the 2012 elections were held today, Santorum would lead all the exit polls.

JoeBiteme March 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I'm sure her grandkids are thrilled that she was speaking for herself AND them. Nothing smooths out those rocky pubescent years like your grandmother testifying before the state legislature about santorum…

Ken Layne March 8, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I expected Personal Bests from you all, on this post, and I was not let down.

philpjfry March 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Ann Coulter….that's one tight anus

zappadoo76 March 8, 2011 at 6:31 pm

And how do you know this?

CessnaDriver March 8, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Oh, I doubt it.

CessnaDriver March 8, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Analsex=Stalin.

got it.

zappadoo76 March 8, 2011 at 6:27 pm

This is actually the clearest, most succinct explanation of HIV anal sex transmission I have ever heard. Rosina Kovar (that's her name) for President of Anuses!

jim89048 March 8, 2011 at 7:14 pm

This old woman would succumb to the vapors if she ever googled Faye Kane.
You're welcome, btw.

UW8316154 March 8, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I'm withholding any comment until I find out what Sarah Palin thinks about buttsechs.

Gleem_McShineys March 8, 2011 at 8:06 pm

The old lady is totally correct. It isn't an entrance, because you aren't STAYING THERE FOREVER, just for a little while.

Thanks for the clarification, Granny Futtbuckz!

tartanon March 8, 2011 at 8:09 pm

She has a face like a clenched fist and undoubtedly the exit is even tighter.

PublicLuxury March 8, 2011 at 8:20 pm

I like her wig. It makes me think of Newt, Mittens and John Ensign in one thought.

dyedwool March 8, 2011 at 8:21 pm

This is good news for Cindy McCain.

PublicLuxury March 8, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Is there a line for butt secks? I'm always in the wrong line at the DMV so I want to make sure I'm in the right line.

neiltheblaze March 8, 2011 at 9:33 pm

I bet this woman has started every sexual encounter with her husband with "We're doing this to have a kid, right?"

tartanon March 8, 2011 at 10:10 pm

I heard that a fetus and a masked witness also testified.

rocktonsam March 8, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Word.

my ex wife always said she had sex with an asshole for years.

Negropolis March 9, 2011 at 2:04 am

Does this hag not know that the human body can eat from both ends? This old bat needs to get hip to the stylings of Enema Man

imissopus March 9, 2011 at 2:18 am

ANUSES ARE FOR POOPING!!1!!!

TheMeatmaker March 10, 2011 at 12:10 am

Actually, the sphincter's more there to hold things in, not to keep them out. So maybe she just favors sex in the but of you squeeze hard and leave it in a long, long time?

ThGr8Communic8r March 13, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Tee-hee-hee-heee … She said, "I don't think we should go down that road." … Now that's FUNNY!!!

mourningnmerica March 17, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Finally. 200 comments before anyone even mentioned the funniest line in the whole (hole) thing. I salute you.

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