Incompetent D.C. Government Crooked (Also: PBR)

by Arielle Fleisher

It’s been a while since we’ve explored the backwards world that is D.C. politics, so here goes: Some five months ago, when bike lanes and education were still the rage, Adrian Fenty, champion of white-people causes, was Mayor of D.C. But one can only get so far when backed by the PBR lobby, and so he was replaced by Vincent Gray who, it turns out, (allegedly) paid another man to try to undermine Fenty’s campaign in return for a job. Whoops! In some circles this is illegal/ generally not a good idea. But let’s focus on the more important things. D.C. has a new PBR dispensary: Touchdown on U Street.

ooo yuengling

D.C. may be well on its way to being “One City” plagued by corporation, cronyism, et cetera and so forth, but PBR is reasonably priced at this new sports bar on U Street.

America is awful

Can you figure out what is missing from this wall at Touchdown? (Hint: There are 14 other ones in the bar.) That’s right! It needs a fifteenth teevee here, for the sports.

diabeteez for all

Pretty soon, we’re going to run out of things to put in mac and cheese. Maybe. Please? Though this combination works surprisingly well.

so many teevees

Look at those teevees in all their glory. But what is that beneath the teevee? Could that be art? While you take refuge in the bar for hours on the nicest of spring days, to watch football, cricket, dodge ball, or the exotic anti-American sport known as soccer, at least there will be some nice art nestled in the glare of flatscreen teevee for you to enjoy.

Touchdown opens today with 25% off all drafts, rail drinks, and food. They will also be offering other specials to mark the ancient celebration of boobs, beads, and booze affectionately referred to as “Fat Tuesday.”

Touchdown, 1334 U St. NW, Washington, DC 20009, 202-265-0708
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Hola wonkerados.

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MildMidwesterner March 8, 2011 at 2:56 pm

"Pork Slap Pale Ale" sounds dirty.

BZ1 March 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm

"Snapperhead" IPA, I pee also? I plink Alsatians, I putt atrociously?

fuflans March 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

i wish i was in a bar.

freakishlywrong March 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Holy Jesus. Under the "sandwiches and things" I thought it said a "Palin Burger". To be served with a SOUR pickle, BITTER greens and a MEAN helping of STALE mustard.

SorosBot March 8, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Whoa, I think this is the first time Arielle's shown us DC beer prices that are actually relatively reasonable. And more alt-text, yay!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 8, 2011 at 3:01 pm

You got Flying Dog Imperial Porter ot tap, put the PBR down and have a real beer.

OneDollarJuana March 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm

"Burger Sliders". Sliders of any kind make me think that they probably slide out just as easily as they slide in.

hagajim March 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Careful…eat too many sliders and you will end up with some Santorum!

natoslug March 8, 2011 at 3:03 pm

$3 for a PBR? Couldn't you ask someone to drink a real beer, then swill their urine for at least a buck less? Or would that still taste too much like real beer in comparison with PBR?

As for Mac 'n Cheese, I still think it's best mixed with some (previously) frozen peas and corn and some small cubes of ham (or a ham-like substance). Or shrimp. And beer. Everything's better with enough beer.

mumbly_joe March 8, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Ground sausage, spinach and mushrooms, full stop. Best Mac 'n Cheese imaginable.

Barbara_i March 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm

What the heck? I come in here and you guys are at ZERO P's. I've noticed a lot of trolling on this website lately and it is getting REALLY old.

weejee March 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Sorry Arielle, but none PBR in the led photog. Looks microbrewly or sumpthin'.

BornInATrailer March 8, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Why hasn't PBR being trendy stopped being trendy yet? Are hipsters and anti-hipster hipsters really that amused by ironic beer drinking?

Someone needs to be punched in the face for this. Which is the only thing that should actually be served with PBR.

GuyClinch March 8, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Jeesh, Arielle, it always gets all internecine among the commenters in any post where you mention Pabst.
Can't we all just get along?

Cicada March 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

You just don't get it, do you? The world will stop spinning on it's axis if I fail to express my outrage at sub-par beer being served at prices I think are too high.

OUTRAGE, I tell you.

Is the world still spinning? You're welcome.

hagajim March 8, 2011 at 3:28 pm

PBR is going to remain trendy – cause that's all us poors can afford.

widestanceroman March 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Since I got nuthin' else, doncha hate 'n'? What is the point? No effort/keystrokes is/are saved by using apostrophes, as opposed to laboriously including the 'a' 'n' the 'd'.

Whilst here, I did my part to offset troll droppings by upfisting ya'll.

DCHatesMe March 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

All DC food is made from only 3 ingredients: boiled cabbage, motor oil and pignuts.

Blendergoathead March 8, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Sorry, but after today's massive assault (Thomas, buttsecks AND Santorum), I'm going to need something a lot stronger than PBR.

Troubledog March 8, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I invented a microbrew name generator.

[active verb] [noun] [adjective] [beertype]

Fucking Pig Blatant Ale
Spasming Hindu Plenary Porter
Clenching Sophomore Hand-fed Hefeweizen

BornInATrailer March 8, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Meh. There are plenty of cheap beers to serve and PBR doesn't represent a particularly fine balance between quality & price imnsho. "Adequate cheap beer" is not hard to find.

Moonbat March 9, 2011 at 9:26 am

Yuengling FTW. Although it's harder to find than PBR, it's much, much better for the same price (or even cheaper, in Pennsylvania).

BornInATrailer March 8, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I would try all of those, especially Clenching Sophomore.

Cicada March 8, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Maybe they just have really strong feelings about PBR. It's probably too highbrow for them.

Tundra Grifter March 8, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I was born and brought up in the MidWest. PBR is a terrible beer. I was once stranded on an island in Lake Michigan and it was the only "beer" available. This was August, by the way. I had to think long and hard before I could force myself to drink it.

Personally, i think they should pour it back into the horse.

MinAgain March 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm

If a person asked the waitress to bring him a PBR and a PBJ and to make it PDQ, how many points would that be worth in Scrabble?

CrankyLttlCamperette March 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Technically, none, since you can't use acronyms.


Redhead March 8, 2011 at 7:16 pm

PBR is piss in a bottle. Anything above 25 cents per pitcher is overpriced.

nounverb911 March 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm

To paraphrase General Philip Sheridan’s misquote: “The only good teabagger is a dead teabagger.”

nounverb911 March 9, 2011 at 6:32 pm

I’m still waiting for someone to ask Mitt about his anchorbabyness .

nounverb911 March 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm

And in other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead!

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