• May 26, 2012
PAPER PLANES

March 7, 2011

Glenn Beck’s Ratings Falling; May Be Dropped From Fox News (Conspiracy!)

by Jack Stuef  

Drop the kid, Glenn! Look behind you!The liberal madrassa New York Times‘ media imam David Carr takes a look at Glenn Beck’s future at Fox News today, and it doesn’t look good. His audience has fallen by a third since his magical Teabagger rally this summer, Carr reports, and Fox officials are said to be “looking at the end of his contract in December and contemplating life without Mr. Beck.” Beck has had trouble getting advertisers (because of conspiracies, of course) for his chalkboard drawing presentations, and his ratings among younger viewers are falling fast; it seems only the elderly want to be comforted by the guarantee of impending death and completist dementia Beck serves up. But the bigger question is, why is Fox News suddenly in league with the Islamists? Why are they going to force this well-qualified intellectual savior off television?

Here’s the real problem:

Joel Cheatwood, a senior vice president of development for Fox News and the executive in charge of the show, thinks it’s silly to suggest that the American viewing public’s romance with Mr. Beck is on the wane — he’s trouncing his competition — but says that keeping the show upbeat is something he discusses with Mr. Beck.

“We have talked about that, at his instigation,” Mr. Cheatwood said. “It is really important that no matter how dire he thinks things are or what horrible direction things may be going from his perspective that the show maintains a sense of hope.”

“What you see on television with Glenn is the real guy,” he added, “and that is a double-edged sword. If he is upset about something, you see it.”

Glenn Beck may be convinced of a lot of crazy things. But at least he believes in something; the same can’t be said for the rest of those Fox personalities, who just read off the channel’s talking points, grope a few employees, and call it a day. It’s too bad the barbarous Muslims are going to ride their horses to Manhattan and slit his throat with their heathen swords while his bosses stand idly by. His insanity was at least entertaining. [NYT]

{ 243 comments }

Barbara_i March 7, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Poor Beckerheads. Where will they get their daily does of syphilitic ramblings now?

Maman March 7, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Sirius XM will pick him up… Just like I have to hear commercials for the heartless Dr. Laura. ugh.

Sophist[ArsPunetica] March 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm

He'll be a good fit, right between Radio Rwanda and Father Coughlin's new show.

baconzgood March 7, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Old people don't know how to Sirius though.

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Luckily she's a quitter and will be gone as soon as her contract was up; thin-skinned crazy lady was mad people called her a racist just because she used the N-word about a dozen times in a row while belittling a black woman upset that some of her white husband's family were racists.

deleted7512897 March 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Your all a bunch of weenies .You make me want to puke.Its scum like you that ARE ruining this country.And don't get all you little panties in a bunch thinking glen's going somewhere,He's not.His audience is not all old people either.
There are many young,bright,and strong people that enjoy Glen and it WILL be us that turn this country around and save it from the weak people like yourselves.Look in the mirror and tell me?Do you like the pathetic,weak,little person you are?

LionelHutzEsq March 7, 2011 at 1:26 pm

There is always the Home for Retired Republican Senators.

mediscus March 8, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Probably from plenty of lemmings at MSNBC, or , Rachel carpet muncher!

lulzmonger March 10, 2011 at 2:33 am

Randomly thrown fridge magnets?

nounverb911 March 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm

There goes the price of gold!

danceswithpalin March 8, 2011 at 9:24 am

Yes, but I bet a lot of the beachheads will go out and purchase more before the price goes down.

Troubledog March 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Is it too soon to build a mosque next to his house?

nounverb911 March 7, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Never! Are Muslims allowed in Connecticut?

Crank_Tango March 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Well fox IS owned by the saudis or something.

DerrickWildcat March 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Time for Glenn to kidnap himself.

V572625694 March 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Or go visit John Galt in his Secret Roundhouse of Selfishness, somewhere in the mountains accessible only by the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe.

user-of-owls March 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

His last name does start with B. All he needs to do is find a mirror and a pocket knife.

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Or beat himself up in a San Francisco airport men's room.

nounverb911 March 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Well considering the average American's aversion to education, the chalkboard talks must of reminded them of failing in school.

Gopherit March 7, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Oh, man, for a second I thought Tom Colicchio was going to help beck do unspeakable things to that little boy.

Mahousu March 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

If by "unspeakable" you mean "unspeakably delicious," then I agree.

chickensmack March 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

His competition?! Man, the last time I paid attention to other teevee in his timeslot, it was Mister Rogers Neighborhood and The Electric Company.

WIDTAP March 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Wherever goist Morgan Freeman, there I goist as well.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I don't even know when this clown in on the teevee. The old man surfs a lot more than I do and he comes across Beck from time to time. The one time the OM stopped on Beck, he only lasted a few minutes until he came out of the home theater room and said, "I just saw the craziest person on television." I think it was Beck floating his Wisconsin/Muslin Brotherhood of Madrassa workers (non-AFL-CIO affiliated) and the Kenyan President. The horror of it sent the old man back to WWII on the teevee and porn on the computer. (He's happier now.)

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm

I don't either, and don't care. I blocked Fox News and it's wingnut affiliates from the TV Guide on my Dish Network system.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

So did I, but had to reload the Tulsa affiliate for Glee. As I've said many times, in reference to my Glee viewing, I am not an adolescent boy.

Swampgas_Man March 7, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Just attracted to 'em?

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

it seems only the elderly want to be comforted by the constant impending death and completist dementia Beck serves up.

Not all of us!

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 1:05 pm

His audience has fallen by a third since his magical Teabagger rally this summer

So a miracle really did occur that day.

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Glenn's problem is that his entire audience is elderly, so of course he's lost a third of the audience, to the cold embrace of death.

Urban_Achiever March 7, 2011 at 1:05 pm

David Carr, you in danger girl……

Sophist[ArsPunetica] March 7, 2011 at 1:05 pm

We'll always have Paris paranoia.

V572625694 March 7, 2011 at 1:06 pm

As a bona fide Old I can attest that predictions of the world ending soon are strangely satisfying. Why should anyone live if I can't? Particularly those kids with their music — it's just noise!

genxr March 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

When the apocalypse happens, then they'll finally get off your lawn!

charlesdegoal March 7, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I'm sure someone will survive me, but what's reassuring is the inevitability of the future ice age.

BaldarTFlagass March 7, 2011 at 2:12 pm

My dad was really excited when predictions of an extinction-causing asteroid strike in 2028 made the rounds a few years back. He'll be 91 then, and all the signs indicate that, barring an accident, still alive. He figured that would be a nice cherry on the sundae of his misanthropic existence. He was very disappointed when the scientists backed off on their prediction, but still holds out hope that they merely said that to prevent worldwide panic.

DashboardBuddha March 7, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I think I'd like your dad.

WhatTheHeck March 7, 2011 at 2:43 pm

You can ‘live’ in hope that you could yet get kidnapped by aliens and end up in, say, Central America.

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

May 21st is rapidly approaching!

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Back in MY day, we didn't have music. All we had was rocks — rocks I tells ya, and we were glad to get them! And do you know why? Because we appreciated things!

user-of-owls March 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

This is really going to put a monkey wrench in the Ecumenical Liberation Army's plans.

SheriffRoscoe March 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

You think his ratings are falling now, just wait 'til his audience is all sucked up in the rapture.

Gopherit March 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Will Glenn be Left Behind like Kirk Cameron?

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Can I have all of his shit?

Negropolis March 7, 2011 at 11:30 pm

What is the world does he have that you'd want to actually touch with your unprotected human hands?

chickensmack March 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

As an atheist, I pray daily for their rapture.

James Michael Curley March 7, 2011 at 2:27 pm

"Sucked up in The Rapture" Is that one of those devices you can buy at Truck Stop Gift Shops?

MommysFetusJar March 7, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I thought "Sucked up in the Rapture" was an 80's song by Anita Baker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pItvKM_S8qA

Oh, nevermind.

MsQuasimodo March 10, 2011 at 2:19 am

It's the new Japanese sex toy, marketed towards American fundamentalists.

Swampgas_Man March 7, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Captured, Raptured, ruptured, and rape-tured rat-turds.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Inspected, injected, neglected, and detected.

mavenmaven March 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

"keeping the show upbeat"
So at the end of all the devastation he predicts there needs to be a warm happy ending, something like that blonde nazi kid from the youtubes getting a cookie or something.

Barrelhse March 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

A cookie, and maybe some speech therapy would be upbeat.

HistoriCat March 7, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Why do you hate that wacist wittle boy?

Chet Kincaid March 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

That would be as uplifting as Usher tutoring young Bieber in how to sing about freaking a bitch at this year's Grammys.

Gopherit March 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Mister Cheatwood hit the nail on the head. It really is about time someone took an upbeat look at the coming commie-socialist-nazi-caliphate induced holocaust.

KochFembot March 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm

If Beck loses his Teevee spot, he can still go "direct" with his fans. He may be a clown, but he is very good at taking money from rubes his fans. Maybe then, the rest of us will only hear about him when he has a new Pay-Per-View special or when he's put his name on another ghostwritten book.

charlesdegoal March 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Problem with Beck, he's too intelligent for your average American viewer.

Troubledog March 7, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Yeah, that's what he keeps telling people.

Lascauxcaveman March 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm

keeping the show upbeat is something he discusses with Mr. Beck.

Geez Louise, FOX, how hard could it possibly be to get someone to write Glen a scrip for Librium® ? Stablemate Rush should be able to help him with this.

donner_froh March 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Stablemate indeed.

Oink?
Moo?
Baah?

Probably too insulting to farm animals.

ManchuCandidate March 7, 2011 at 1:11 pm

If Faux can fuck over Arrested Development and cancel Futurama then they sure as hell can fuck up the Glenn Beck Furious Happy Time Shenanigans and Bitter White Olds Hour.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Bring Back Arrested Development!!!!

Chet Kincaid March 7, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Grab the hook, grab the line
Grab the bait, grab the box and wait
Tackle and shackle the topic the faculty has chosen
Chosen by many, chosen by plenty, chosen by any
man or woman who understand
the topic that's known and
Go by the dock, flock and clock the topic
as I drop my hook and get a bite
The reason I'm fishin' 4 a new religion
is Glenn Beck makes me fall asleep

Oh, which Arrested Development were you talking about?

GunTotingProgressive March 7, 2011 at 5:28 pm

You left out the biggest TV crime of all, the cancellation of Firefly.

doloras March 7, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Don't forget what those reptiles did to Firefly and Dollhouse. JOSS WHEDON IS MY MASTER NOW.

baconzgood March 7, 2011 at 1:11 pm

This is all part of the Acorn-Tides-Van Jones-FEMA-Mooslim Brotherhood-Sorros-Google-Obama-healthy food-Global warming-Social Justice Preaching Church-Nazi-Communist-Rev. Wright-Health Care-Weather Underground-Marxist- plot to Blood Libel Sara Palin and her americagenda!!!!

You CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!

problemwithcaring March 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I don't have to prove you wrong.

Your failure to mention the poisonous creep of Sharia Law in the muslin stronghold of Oklahoma gives me all the proof I need that you are a radicalized terrorist.

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I use Turfbuilder to stop creeping sharia in my yard.

thebeatgoeson08 March 7, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I ran out of breath reading that!

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:13 pm

It's in Revelations people!!!

Ducksworthy March 7, 2011 at 1:11 pm

A large percentage of Glennda's audience has fallen and can't get up.

Ducksworthy March 7, 2011 at 1:19 pm

That was so innocuous , I can't believe it got downfisted.

Come here a minute March 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

The old right wingers love Glenn because they figure that since they're dying soon, the rest of us should too.

baconzgood March 7, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Glenn Beck getting canned? Don't Tease my Panther.

donner_froh March 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

He will appear tomorrow with a backward B carved on his cheek.

LionelHutzEsq March 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Or a backward A for anarchy, Allah or Ayers.

LionelHutzEsq March 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

You know who else was let go for spouting crazy, paranoid fantasies about the left from FOX News?

LionelHutzEsq March 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Actually, I can't think of anyone

JustPixelz March 7, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Hitler?

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Rita Cosby?

assistantatlas March 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Juan Williams?

LionelHutzEsq March 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Actually, that got him hired.

not that Dewey March 7, 2011 at 10:38 pm

I think Major Garrett was let go for not doing that.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:15 pm

I thought spouting crazy, paranoid fantasies about the Left was the *purpose* of Fox news.

problemwithcaring March 10, 2011 at 12:10 am

Well, in Murdoch's mind, Alan Colmes was.

Captain_Quark March 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I guess being King of the Blackboard Jungle just ain't what it used to be. I blame George Soros and the Tides Foundation.

OneDollarJuana March 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm

“What you see on television with Glenn is the real guy”

Just as an audience cringes at a public speaker paralyzed by fear, even the paranolds can't stand much to watch Glenn descend ever deeper into the hell of insanity. Even ideologically-driven advertisers realize that associating with Beck will hurt them so much in the long run that they are running away, screaming "get thee behind me!".

Swampgas_Man March 7, 2011 at 7:24 pm

But– but it worked so well for Charlie Sheen!

Who was also fired today, eerily enough.

freakishlywrong March 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Today, we are all googly-eyed, pink, bloated, ranting sociopaths who will be earning a little less millions in the near future…

ifthethunderdontgetya March 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Looks like some of Beckie's fanboys have stopped by to hatefist everyone.

You all know what to do…
~

Sophist[ArsPunetica] March 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Downfister sighted off the port bow! All fisters to battle stations! Rig depth charges! Atchung, atchung, wahrschau!

edgydrifter March 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I'll believe in his demise only after I've seen the body. And even then I'm going to want to smack it with a shovel a few times just to make good and sure. Otherwise, everybody has a good laugh, splits up to get high and screw, and the next thing you know there's a maniac tearing through the camp and chalk-powdered teenage corpses everywhere.

emmelemm March 7, 2011 at 3:10 pm

I like the cut of your jib.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:17 pm

We should probably start smacking him with a shovel now… you know, just to be on the safe side.

OzoneTom March 9, 2011 at 11:18 am

Hah! That reminded me of the scene in "Blood Simple" where Dan Hedaya wasn't quite dead yet.

I approve of shovel wacking The Beckster.

Weenus299 March 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

He needs to switch to smartboards and maybe update his footage of nazi marching.

Zvi_Bleindmeis March 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

But at least he believes in something; the same can’t be said for the rest of those Fox personalities….

I find this view to be upside-down. First, the actual job of those bits of camera fodder is "news reader," just like they say in the UK.

Second, "at least he believes in something" does not really seem like a good thing in this context.

Idi Amin: At least he had the courage of his convictions.
Timothy McVeigh: At least he had the persistence to follow through with a project.
Jeffrey Dahmer: At least he wasn't afraid to try new things.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Bush had conviction. That's what Americans liked, versus wishy-washy, aka thoughtful, Democrats. Thanks for the McVeigh shout out. I'm astonished by how the Teabaggers demonstrated just block from the OKC Memorial and said shit that sounded like it came out of that evil fuck's mouth.

aqua_buddha March 7, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Bush needed the kind of Conviction that comes from The Hague. Still does.

In lieu of that, perhaps he could sit outside of Arlington National Cemetary on Thursdays wearing a dunce cap and shrugging at the visitors.

Rotundo_ March 7, 2011 at 6:09 pm

No. Bush has no place anywhere near hallowed ground of that sort. Let that turd fester in Texas where he belongs.

doloras March 7, 2011 at 6:32 pm

"Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, but at least it's an ethos."

babyeinstein March 7, 2011 at 7:30 pm

you know who else believed in something?

CrankyLttlCamperette March 7, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Hey Bitterz — you were right! There is a God after all!

LionelHutzEsq March 7, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Great, without his TV show to blow off energy, Glenn will probably go back to coked out rampages where he strangles and kills young women simply because they refuse to denounce the greater Kenyan Caliphate.

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

He's never denied that he's done that in the past, so it would irresponsible not to speculate.

genxr March 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

“It is really important that no matter how dire he thinks things are or what horrible direction things may be going from his perspective that the show maintains a sense of hope.”

No! Let Glenn be Glenn! If he thinks the world is ending in a fireball of socialism I want him to express that. I want to see his followers lose all hope. I'm really curious to see how they react when they think there's no stopping the impending Chinese Caliphate.

On second, thought, what they might actually do with the record amount of guns and ammo they've been buying might not be so entertaining after all.

ttommyunger March 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Beck will be fine. The Koch Brothers can always use another fluffer for when Scott Walker has a "Cold Sore", which is often.

Come here a minute March 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Glenn can fend off the Muslim attacks by investing in a pack of dogs, like Texas Governor Rick Perry.

undeterredbyreality March 7, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Those Basset Hounds are vicious.

MommysFetusJar March 7, 2011 at 5:05 pm

My basset hound bit my mother on the ass recently. Damn, that was funny.

undeterredbyreality March 7, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Yo' momma's ass hangs so low . . .

cheaphits March 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

He'll probably get a gig with the Wall Street Journal.

carlgt1 March 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I would like to see some sort of study or follow-up on ex-Beck fans. I mean where do they go? Do they get even crazier; or is there some sort of halfway house or intermediate step back to sanity, etc?

baconzgood March 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm

They go up to "Disturbed" and lose thier tv privileges like in One Flew Over the Coo-Coo's Nest.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 1:58 pm

The only listen to the radio and watch docs about how they're the fucking greatest generation.

Chet Kincaid March 7, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Yeah, everybody knows us Boomers are the real greatest generation, the bulge in the snake doddering toward Bob Dole-hood. "We" "changed the world" back into a pre-Labor movement American Gulag, only with T&A on the TV! Gawd, which cohort is more insufferable!

imissopus March 7, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Us Gen-Xers would say "thanks a pantsload" but we're too busy being completely apathetic.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Bob Dole likes this comment.

Ducksworthy March 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Dear Downfister,

Be sure not to read any of the content on this here Wonkette. If you do, even one word,the worm of doubt will begin to consumer what remains of your brain.

On the other hand, you may begin to have actual thoughts.

Hatrabbit March 7, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Oh noes–Revelations says Glenn Beck's demise heralds the coming of the 'Four Scooter-Riders of the Apocalypse'!

comrad_darkness March 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Oh god, I may have to pull out the old photoshop.

DashboardBuddha March 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm

'Four Scooter-Riders of the Apocalypse'!

Halitosis
Snit-fit
Binge and purge
Mild handicap

aqua_buddha March 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

Dear Wonkette
I don't think it's funny at all to mock the weird sacred texts of desert cult religions. Or I do, or something.
regards,
Judith Miller
"scooter rider"

andrewdrinker March 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

This is good news for Rick Sanchez.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

It's the best tv show in the history of tv shows.

ttommyunger March 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I have no taste, everyone knows that.

Clancy_Pants March 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Hitler, bitches!

LabRodent March 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Whats the correlation between his rating drop and the his average viewer buying the farm. Just wondering.

PublicLuxury March 7, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I'm pretty sure its not just farmers that watch.

NorthStarSpanx March 7, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Que the Sirius contract. . .

Chillwaver March 7, 2011 at 1:37 pm

NYT = seriously weak sauce. Jack, please swear I'll never have to pay a subscription to read Wonkette.

sezme March 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

It's a trap, Jack. The first rule of the new Wonkette business plan is don't talk about the new Wonkette business plan.

baconzgood March 7, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Clay Aiken?

LionelHutzEsq March 7, 2011 at 1:42 pm

This, of course, just proves that Bill Ayers is the real power behind all things in America.

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

It's not George Soros?

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

We're supposed to be quiet about The Master's true plans.

comrad_darkness March 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

The Old Mormon Shyster Revival Hour is losing viewers? Say it isn't so!

BTWBFDIMHO March 7, 2011 at 1:46 pm

The Great Wizard of Chalkistan is next on line, after the insurrections of Tunisia, Egypt and Lybia.

genxr March 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I wanted to post something insulting, but after looking at the picture, I think we should all congratulate Glenn and his domestic partner on their successful adoption. Best of luck with the new family, Glenn!

MissTaken March 7, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Two monkeys and a panda

DashboardBuddha March 7, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I dunno…the guy in the back has the same look on his face as the person who's been waiting in line for 45 minutes to get on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and is up next.

genxr March 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Mr Toad's Wild Ride. Hey, if that's what they want to call their domestic bliss, who am I to argue?

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Is that what you wacky kids call "Sodomy" these days?

genxr March 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

If you picture Glenn crying it kinda makes sense.

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 2:20 pm

The way Glenn is holding that kids makes me think he could use a visit from Chris Hanson.

Extemporanus March 7, 2011 at 1:50 pm

“What you see on television with Glenn is the real guy,” he added, “and that is a double-ended dildo. If he is up something, you see it.”

MinAgain March 7, 2011 at 1:51 pm

"It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll."

LiveToServeYa March 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Howard Beale solution in 3…2…1

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Wonkeratti: I have a glitchy thing going on in my lady parts and I'm going to the doctor Wed and I'm getting freaked out and planning my funeral (in lieu of flowers, send contributions to public employee unions) and need everyone to be funny and distract me.

So far, you're meeting expectations. Carry on as you were.

MinAgain March 7, 2011 at 1:58 pm

We'll keep a good thought for you, DBB.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 3:30 pm

I'm cross posting this to each of you, so just read this and be done with it unless you're not reading this thread and you need a thank you in your inbox. (Regarding my personal inbox):

Thanks. Nothing cheers the heart like knowing a bunch of snarky, potty mouthed anonymous losers are cheering for you. And I mean that seriously. After all, I can be my true self on wonkette with much more freedom than I dare risk in real life, where people can get touchy about the snark.

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Since I'm quite aways off, I'll just have to blow you a kiss to help make it all better. You know what to do with it when you catch it…

Good luck and good wishes with the Dr. visit, et.al.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I'm cross posting this to each of you, so just read this and be done with it unless you're not reading this thread and you need a thank you in your inbox. (Regarding my personal inbox):

Thanks. Nothing cheers the heart like knowing a bunch of snarky, potty mouthed anonymous losers are cheering for you. And I mean that seriously. After all, I can be my true self on wonkette with much more freedom than I dare risk in real life, where people can get touchy about the snark.
Edit Delete

LocalGirlMakesGoo March 7, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Lots of love and good wishes from this corner of the world. It's pretty much a criminal offense to have Lady Parts these days anyway, so don't sweat it!

undeterredbyreality March 7, 2011 at 2:40 pm

In honor of your request to be funny, I'll try to cut down on my posting for a while. Hope your worries prove to be as baseless as Beck's conspiracy theories.

DemmeFatale March 7, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Maybe Glenn's shitty ratings are a sign that there IS a God, and that everything will be OK.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I'm cross posting this to each of you, so just read this and be done with it unless you're not reading this thread and you need a thank you in your inbox. (Regarding my personal inbox):

Thanks. Nothing cheers the heart like knowing a bunch of snarky, potty mouthed anonymous losers are cheering for you. And I mean that seriously. After all, I can be my true self on wonkette with much more freedom than I dare risk in real life, where people can get touchy about the snark.
Edit Delete
I'm cross posting this to each of you, so just read this and be done with it unless you're not reading this thread and you need a thank you in your inbox. (Regarding my personal inbox):

Thanks. Nothing cheers the heart like knowing a bunch of snarky, potty mouthed anonymous losers are cheering for you. And I mean that seriously. After all, I can be my true self on wonkette with much more freedom than I dare risk in real life, where people can get touchy about the snark.
Edit Delete

sezme March 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Good luck with your parts, and encouraging squeezes from an anonymous loser who nonetheless wishes you well.

DashboardBuddha March 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Hang in there, darlin'. Thinking of you.

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Hope it turns out to be one of those minor "huh, I didn't know my body could do that" things that we older young people get surprised by because we're so swamped by warnings about the actual bad shit that might happen.

I know this wasn't funny. I'll try to pick up the pace. Best wishes.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Being a pity-whore panned out for me. Thanks, everyone.

Negropolis March 7, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Best wishes and good luck, to you. You're a pillar of our community.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:35 pm

As a good friend of mine says, self pity is better than no pity at all.

bureaucrap March 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Glenn's next stop: Hawking KKK paraphernalia on QVC.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Or maybe relics of Joseph Smith's bones? Threads from Brigham Young's magic underwear? I assume that, since the Mormons have their heads up their asses at least as far as the Pope does and are just as greedy financially, they must have adopted that scam by now.

HistoriCat March 7, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I think the Mormons learned lessons from Catholic history – don't make fakes; instead, come up with things which can be sold and have intrinsic religious "value". Like magic underwear. And multiple wives.

Oh and good thoughts on your visit to the doctor – we are all in favor of healthy lady parts.

Beowoof March 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm

The day that Lonesome Rhodes Beck becomes just another face in the crowd will be awesome.

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

He can go back to his raping and murdering occupation.

GunTotingProgressive March 7, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Yes, a "face in the crowd" who is well-known to Secret Service…

cccourt March 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm

This vile person has done what he came to do: MAKE MONEY. Do you think he cares if he is canned? No…hell no. He isn't here to be Bob Hope or Johnny Carson…or Strom Thurmond. Get in, get out. Take all the crazies to the cleaners buying his crap in form of his shows, books, paraphenalia. Cannot believe in the 21st century ANYONE fell for his weak, bigoted, rhetoric. This man may be afilliated with the Latter Day Saints, but he is NOT representative of that sect.

undeterredbyreality March 7, 2011 at 2:22 pm

5) Photoshopping for Conservatives

PubOption March 7, 2011 at 2:38 pm

6) The Andrew Show.

Should bring in the younger audience.

aqua_buddha March 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm

7) Dentalwork At My Age ? I'm No Maoist ! 8) BristolFlex Sexy Aerobics Hour
9) Prayerwarriors : All Night Long With Pastor Ted

whiterabid March 7, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Mr Beck seems to be following the Howard Beale character arc. I wonder if Fox will have him assassinated for having low ratings.

comptoneffect March 7, 2011 at 2:24 pm

There's old and then there's Beck Old. My parents are Beck Olds and, as a result, I don't trust them with the TV remote.

baconzgood March 7, 2011 at 3:11 pm

or lighting the water heater.

PublicLuxury March 7, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I know what is wrong with Beck. I volunteer to take one for the team and fuck him. He is obviously in need of getting his world rocked. I'm just the 'lady' to make him see Jesus and change his wicked ways. You can count on me!

undeterredbyreality March 7, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Man! Talk about taking one for the team…

aqua_buddha March 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I think that is the funniest post I've ever seen at Wonkette.
Congratulations on a bullseye, uhm, 'lady'.

aqua_buddha March 7, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Wait.

Rudy G ?

jim89048 March 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm

And yet I go begging.

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 3:48 pm

You win this thread.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:38 pm

With all due respect for your willingness to self-sacrifice, I'm still leaning towards the hit-him-with-shovels method.

aqua_buddha March 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Ooh! Ooh ! Maybe we get a Ratings Jihad Crusade out of peevish pudgy Glenn.

We all know how he fancies himself a fighter and an underdog, so there's conceivably no end of The Crazy that he may be dreaming up in the last months before the contract is up.
If stirring the pot was something he used to do with abandon, well– he'll be choking that chicken like a monkey now that his millionairiness is on the line.

Let's have a Glenn-Beck-Media-Suicide-Watch !– drinking game !!

imissopus March 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

The Donner Party?

Redhead March 7, 2011 at 2:44 pm

"But at least he believes in something; the same can’t be said for the rest of those Fox personalities"

Of course it can, Jack. They believe in money and in doing and saying whatever they need to get mo' money.

Whereas Beck here doesn't believe in money so much as gold, and in wearing his tin foil hat so the aliens don't eat his brains and steal his gold. But, he gets money from the scammy gold companies for saying people should trust them! So at least he's positive about that!

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I love how much contempt the Fox hosts show for their own audiences; it's clear they think they are all credulous idiots who will believe whatever they're told. And they are right about that.

horsedreamer_1 March 7, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Don't worry. Just as Olbermann left MSNBC to join Current, Beck can go from FOX to BYU-TV. (There's only so much sports content* you can run.)

*For me, this would be all BYU women's volleyball all the time. FAPFAPFAP.

Tommmcatt March 7, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I think this is a positive move, as it will allow Beck to move fully into his art career: Fingerpainting portraits of Regan and Joesph Smith in his own poop.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:39 pm

His own if we're lucky.

randcoolcatdaddy March 7, 2011 at 2:56 pm

"His audience has fallen by a third since his magical Teabagger rally this summer…"

Perhaps we need to call in the CDC on this one. I knew that we had an epidemic of the diatbeetus and a bad case of the fats, but I didn't realize it was that bad.

Chet Kincaid March 7, 2011 at 2:56 pm

What happens to a schemer deferred?

Does he dry up,
his ratings in the dumps?
Or fester like syphilis
for a Presidential run?
Does he stink like Mormon feet?
Or crust and callous over–
like Coulter's teats?

Maybe he just sags
like a pantload.

Or does he implode!?

(With apologies to the last Wonketeer who shouted out to Langston)

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:40 pm

*faints from awe*

MinAgain March 7, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I see Glenn is still superglued to that little kid. Isn't that child abuse in some states?

EdFlintstone March 7, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Well shit its almost spring and I was ready to plant my survival garden.

phlox✔ March 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Oh, that book cover!
"The line to fondle this kid forms in the rear. Be patient."

mourningnmerica March 7, 2011 at 3:12 pm

"…spoke to Glenn about keeping the show upbeat…" Yorp.

In related news, Michelle Bachmann has been asked to "…keep your message sane…".

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 3:42 pm

The latter sentence needs some fixing. Here ya' go:

Bachmann has been asked to " . . .keep your message marginally sane . . ."

You're welcome.

deleted1534234 March 7, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Glenn Beck is only for people who are capable of thinking for themselves.

That leaves out anti-Americans, who are commonly referred to as "democrats", or "liberals'.

deleted1534234 March 7, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I love censorship.

It makes me feel…."presidential".

deleted1534234 March 7, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I doubt that any of my comments will ever be posted on this site, because they are PRO-American.

deleted1534234 March 7, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Pro-Owebama = Anti-American

DustBowlBlues March 7, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Having posted the same response to five people who care if I live or die, I wait anxiously to see if my DustBowl politeness is going to get my perhaps-diseased ass kicked off the wonket.

sezme March 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Nobody is that cruel.

berkeleyfarm March 7, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Here's to you and the docs kicking its ass, so you can be back here in snarkin' prime.

(Prayers, lady. Seriously.)

neiltheblaze March 7, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Don't buy it. This is just the right-wing conspiracy machine trying to get our hopes up.

deleted1534234 March 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I doubt that any of my comments will ever be posted on this site, because they are PRO-American.

juddremy March 7, 2011 at 3:38 pm

He should pull a Morton Downey Jr and get "attacked" by a group of muslim extremists.

Note: Mr. Beck remember, while writing the Al-Quaida across your forhead, don't rely on a mirror's reflection for help- otherwise it will appear as adiaQ-la to everyone else.

BaldarTFlagass March 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm

If I change my boardname, will the Mensa still be following me?

duality164 March 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Beck haters are morons get a life does one show on cnn get even 2 million people to watch there crap end of debate

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Bing Crosby?

sezme March 7, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Bambi's mother?

usaluvr March 7, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Amazing. Apostasy comes to life . 2 Tim 3. 1 – 5. Such hatred for Beck can be nothing else. I would be disappointed in Fox if they did not renew his contract. There is so much to take in that I often listen 2 times to catch it all. I have liked him since I first saw him on HLN. His message is hated because it shines light in dark places.

Yes, I believe this is a fight for your soul.

GOPCrusher March 7, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Never understood the whole "I know all ur IP" meme.
Do they know what to do with the IP? Is it supposed to stop people from voicing their well reasoned opinions?
I realize that to the common wingnut, who is only looking to do some mindless trolling, the threat of having their IP address could result in having the FBI show up at their Mom's Trailer to ask them why they felt it necessary to threaten the President's life over the Internet.
But I don't believe their is a single documented case of the someone being questioned for pointing out the obvious, like Bible Spice's cunt quotient.

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I like how the guy likes to brag that he's "driving us crazy" over on Breitbart. Uh, dude, we're not the ones spending most of every day stalking the people on a political blog we're banned from because we disagree with them; the only reason we pay attention to him is because he keeps stalking all of us.

VinnyThePooh March 7, 2011 at 4:40 pm

They’re just quietly moving Beckerhead’s show to a nearby Ponderosa.

HolyCow!! March 7, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Cheatwood sounds like a name from a dime store novel.

MissTaken March 7, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Oh noes! If Beck gets axed than who will buy up all that chalk? Someone must think of the workers at the chalk factory.

deleted1534234 March 7, 2011 at 5:53 pm

It is interesting to see anti-Americans proving that they are victims of the public school system. I will have to look at this site, again.

alaninthecastro March 7, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Is that spooky-looking guy in the black sweater waiting in line for the next noggin noogie from the boy model, or what?

rocktonsam March 7, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Lou Dobbs getting his ass fitted for the chair in 5, 4, 3, ..

smellyal8tr March 7, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Let us not forget that we are not in an election year and it's tough to sustain all that Tea Bagger anger for long stretches of time. If it means that Beck gets canceled all the better. But, I don't know where all those gold ingot ads will now be shown…

gullywompr March 7, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Just found an ad on Craigslist for a bunch of chalkboards and construction paper.

Gee, I thought he would have donated them to the Smithsonian.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi March 7, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Glenn Beck is being forcibly removed from FOX.
Questions about the AIPAC Neocon 9/11 Scam.
3 towers, bldg 7, pentagon, shanksville, anthrax.
Controlled Media must protect Federal Reserve.
5 dancing Mossad arrested in NYC on 9/11 cry.

DangerHelvetica March 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Well, I'm convinced.

not that Dewey March 7, 2011 at 10:52 pm
Negropolis March 7, 2011 at 11:36 pm

That's right, Beck would be so perfect if only he'd sell his conspiratorial lies and bullshit with some hope.

Sounds to me that even Fox is getting tired of putting lipstick on this pig.

lulzmonger March 8, 2011 at 6:12 am

Pandora?

lulzmonger March 8, 2011 at 6:26 am

Beck: Hopeful/Happy?

"Gee, I sure do HOPE nobody took my 'Kristallnacht Of The Progressives' bit seriously! Those reports of vandalism & violent assaults were merely a HILARIOUS coincidence! Now here's Keyboard Cat to explain why Soros must be stopped at all costs."

sugigail March 8, 2011 at 11:45 am

WAKE UP!!! HAVE ANY OF YOU HEARD OF THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS??? MAYBE YOU HAVE THOSE SAME COMMENTS FOR THAT "DOOM AND GLOOM"……THAT IS THE BIG PROBLEM…..YOU FEAR THE UNKNOWN…SO RANK ON IT TO FIT YOUR OWN SMALL BRAINS. WHAT ABOUT THE BIBLICAL PROFITS…NON-BELIEVERS THOUGHT THEY WERE CRAZIES ALSO….HOW ABOUT JOHN THE BAPTIST??? CRAZY???? OF COURSE YOU WOULD THINK SO, YOU AND YOUR SMALL MINDS!!!

dnvigerjr March 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Beck is the greatest addition to free speech, and it only makes sense that the libs on this website and with CNN, MSNBC, and their lib cousins in broadcasting hate him because he is the antithesis of their diabolical rhetoric.

This Country is in bad shape, and a Government that seeks greater power over our lives is on track to become unbearable and put all the freedoms our forefathers fought bravely for in shambles. Bravo, Beck. Keep it up. The libs are squealing, and that means you are doing your job!

dnvigerjr March 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

I am sure the site admins will not post any of my comments, as that is typical of liberal thought police! If they do post either of my two posts, amazing and refreshing as that would be, let me say this, those whom some of you call crazy for appreciating Beck and his refreshing and bold and provocative insights on deteriorating American values, liberty, free enterprise, and less Government and vigorous adherence to the priceless principals of our divinely inspired Constitution, are sadly misguided!

We are those who are crazy enough to start companies, create jobs, give voluntarily to charities, and work hard and not take Government handouts! We are those wild and crazy guys who don't want health care rationing as in England and Canada. You, too will grow old some day, and heaven help you if your only refuge is Obamacare.

What you call crazy was common fare for most of our beloved Country's existence. Beck is the crying from the wilderness, and as ancient prophets were hated and stoned for telling the truth and warning their people, who would expect any less from Beck!

johnnyzhivago March 8, 2011 at 1:33 pm

When a TV programming executive tells you there's nothing to worry about, start worrying.

mediscus March 8, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Maybe Kathy Griffin and Bill the America hater Maher can have there own show, and make us proud we are Americans!

mousyeyes March 8, 2011 at 6:56 pm

If Fox drops Glenn I'll be dropping Fox. Glenn is one of the few who tells it like it is and I think it's about time someone did that for the American people

Artie_Fufkin March 8, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Yet another hate filled article by someone as unoriginal as the rest and to prove it, has to use the over-used porn-industry epithet for sucking balls to describe a group of people who would like to reduce government down to a more manageable size. If Tea Partiers are going to be referred to as "Teabaggers", then in fairness you should refer to Keith Olbermann fans as "Cocksuckers". So Beck is a paranoid True Believer. So what? So he shouldn't speak? Free press, bitches…free press.

MissTaken March 8, 2011 at 11:25 pm

I see a lot of downfists, must be a troll on the loose.

I will now upfist everyone, except that idiot NadePaulsomethingsomething.

WIJEAL March 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I think that Glen Beck dug his own grave when he resorted to PREACHING to get his point across. He is probably delusional at best. Also, I got real tired of hearing him make a serious point and then LAUGHING about it with his co hosts. How credible is that?

lulzmonger March 10, 2011 at 2:35 am

The Man In The Iron Mask?

loulouroo March 11, 2011 at 7:19 pm

I hear Fox is in negotiations with Justin Beiber's people to replace him. The "JustUs White Power Hetero-only Bandstand" is in the works. "It had a good beat to dance to, but I suspect Pink has not accepted Jesus Christ as her personal lord and savior. So, I'm only giving it a 3." Should lower their average viewing audience to maybe 64. The chalkboard stays, though.

Rotharen March 27, 2011 at 1:37 am

You should probably check facts before writing an article–I just checked Beck's ratings against both other Foxnews reporter/commentators as well as CNN and MSNBC–the ONLY person with better ratings is Bill O'Reilly–at his hour Beck polls better than all the others combined. So, he dropped in the ratings–all the others did as well . . . he is still more popular than they .

carbar4647 March 28, 2011 at 8:40 am

I've gotta say that I listened to Glenn, on the radio, for a long time and watched his FOX show until he changed the format and liked him on both venues. His new and professorital preaching now just turns me off. I TEVO Neil Cavuto and watch him when Glenn comes on at 5:00 p.m. Too much Glenn….sorry to say.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: