CAKES WE LIKE  11:23 am March 7, 2011

#1 Real America Grocery List Discovered In Walmart

by Jack Stuef

Winnies are winners.
Popcikles + Honeycooked ham turkey = Sputnik Moment. [Reddit via Wonkette operative "Roscoe"]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 206 comments }

Barbara_i March 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

That's not a grocery list it is just one giant vowel movement. What is "cedar cheese?" "bag of ice" maybe they should learn the secret recipe for that.
She forgot "lard" for sexy time.
8 D-cell batteries for my Huckabee.

Ducksworthy March 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

For my Huckabee! Win win win. Unfortunately only one upfist though

cheaphits March 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I agree –

Get rich quick scheme of the day – A Sexy Time Fun Pak

1. A huckabee
2. Tube of santorum
3. One pair of rubber "mittens".
4. A bachman plug.
5. And pawlenty of D cell batteries.

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I've heard of "hard cheese", but cedar cheese? You cut off a slice with a sawzall?

nounverb911 March 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

I just love the woody taste of cedar cheese.

BTW, how does one milk a cedar tree?

dr_giraud March 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Tap the sap?

Dr_Zoidberg March 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Very carefully?

donner_froh March 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm

First you go to Lebanon…

MittsHairHelmet March 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Cedar Cheese has the most wonderful aroma.

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm

If'n you store it in the closet, it'll make yer clothes smell gooder.

bumfug March 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

And keep the moths away.

horsedreamer_1 March 7, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I think they meant Cedar Crest brand ice-cream.

nounverb911 March 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

"1 musturd"
The outhouse at home must be broken.

JoeBiteme March 7, 2011 at 11:40 am

Along with the "3 ketchups" listed.
Was the author hoping for three distinct varieties or just a shitload of Heinz?

andrewdrinker March 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm

HEINZ?! You socialist! W Ketchup forevah!

chickensmack March 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

Peace cigs are illegal, unless you have glokoma.

DangerHelvetica March 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

3 ketchups. I don't even.

el_donaldo March 7, 2011 at 11:43 am

That got me, too: 3 little disposable packs? 3 different ketchups (including one catsup)? One ketchup for each member of the household, so it never has to leave the side of the plate?

What does it mean?!?

chickensmack March 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I have hot chocolate in my nose and keyboard thanks to this.

Ken Layne March 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

3 hot cocklatz

chickensmack March 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm

sounds like you're editing a lolcat.

"I CAN HAZ HOT KOCH?"

DoktorZoom March 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Duh. Someone's making their own speshul resapee bobbyque sause.

Iam_Who_Iam March 8, 2011 at 5:27 am

Puhleese… you elitist aholes probly use tomato sauce, but us reel ‘mericans use katchup for everything from s’gettti sauce to chili to mom’s homade hamburger helper. And who in the hell gave you’all permission to post my grocery list?!!111!!?

Melissa511 March 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

Especially when it has musturd on it.

charlesdegoal March 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Musturd sounds like something nasty caused by self-abuse with a Huckabee.

JustPixelz March 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

A precious glimpse into the future after the Repubicans get their wet dream of defunding public schools.

PocketsTheClown March 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm

We are doomed aren't we?

Jukesgrrl March 7, 2011 at 5:41 pm

jes indid

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Nail. Head. That is all.

Lascauxcaveman March 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

"Winnies thot dog buns" has an almost Proustian vibe to it.

À la recherche du Whitebread perdu

Melissa511 March 7, 2011 at 11:52 am

actually she means "winnies & hot dog buns." Even better!

V572625694 March 7, 2011 at 11:58 am

For a long time I used to go to bed early…

MissTaken March 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I really thought it was 'winnies that dog bons'. It took me way too long to translate into English.

not that Dewey March 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

mmmm…Thought Dogs

Gleem_McShineys March 7, 2011 at 2:16 pm

"Thought Dogs slathered in (mus)turds"
Unintentional insight into the Real Merkn mind.

harry_palmer March 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

White Kasuls and hamburger meet. They'll have to stop at KFC for a double down while they're waiting for maw/ sis to cook it.

DoktorZoom March 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Now, be fair–they spelled "meat" with an "a"; it's just really crappy handwriting (I read it as "meet" too, but then I looked closer). When you're on the line between a "D" and an "F," every point on the spelling test counts.

Dr_Zoidberg March 7, 2011 at 1:35 pm

And Maw/Sis are the same person.

Barbara_i March 7, 2011 at 11:40 am

She forgot possum, the "other white meat"

andrewdrinker March 7, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Squirrel would be on the list but the popcorn popper is broken.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:54 pm

I don't think you buy that, so much as you trap it underneath the mobile home.

MsQuasimodo March 9, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Careful – what with no jerbs, home foreclosures, et alia, some of us out here might be trapping squirrels for food.

hagajim March 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

I love me some bannas and cedar cheese…especially when I have some nice surgered cool aid to drink with it….holy tardshit Batman…this country is in deep trubble!

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

[sic]

CrankyLttlCamperette March 7, 2011 at 11:44 am

Sick.

OkieDokieDog March 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

Ketchup IS a mellowing agent.

Too bad whoever wrote this forgot to add: giGenTiC boxx uf them RUbbrrs

MittsHairHelmet March 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

Stuf to make taco salad AND tamatoes?

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Living the high life!

ttommyunger March 7, 2011 at 11:42 am

These people have money? Jerbs? Must be on Food Stamps. Please, tell me they are on Food Stamps or some kind of Government Relief. I don't want them serving me food or fixing my fucking car, please.

chickensmack March 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

…or managing my hedge fund.

Or, for that matter, driving on my roads or preaching in my churches.

Or fucking.

ttommyunger March 7, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Cringe!

jim89048 March 7, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Here's a neighbor of mine's kid, who aspires to being a hedge fund manager: http://pvtimes.com/news/grade-change-scandal-rock

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 3:32 pm

They had to quit their jerbs so they would have more time to go to Teabagger rallies and protest big guvmint.

ttommyunger March 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Thank God for small blessings.

JoeBiteme March 7, 2011 at 11:43 am

"Tamatoes" huh? Could this be the Quayle family's grocery list?

(By the way, I'll fully admit I had to check that spelling three times to ensure that I misspelled it correctly)

hagajim March 7, 2011 at 11:43 am

FLOTUS will see this list and have a heart attack!

johnnymeatworth March 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

I don't see the Mike Huckabee vibrator on the list. Is there more on the back?

SorosBot March 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

I'm running low on food myself, and think I'll pick up some stuf to make speggtti, cakes we like and cerail for you and kids tonight.

DaRooster March 7, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Hey… cram an H in that spegHti

PsycWench March 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I particularly like that he/she specified "cakes we like". It's important to point that out, otherwise they might buy something unliked.

Gleem_McShineys March 7, 2011 at 2:23 pm

There is cakes we like, and cakes we eet but dont like as much, and cakes we dont like.

Still eatum.

Diabeetus is hard work!

freakishlywrong March 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

The reception menu for My Big Redneck Wedding.

Lascauxcaveman March 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

Also interesting to see the only non-food item on the list are those chemical hand warmer packs*. I wonder if this person is stocking up for a polar expedition, perhaps?

*That's what is meant by Hot Pockets, right?

V572625694 March 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

They do have a nice chemical mouthfeel.

Ken Layne March 7, 2011 at 12:38 pm

That and "peace cigs."

DaRooster March 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

There are hardly any food items on there, most of this shit will withstand a nuclear attack and never rot…

"Hawwt Pockeeets"- Jim Gaffigan

Dr_Zoidberg March 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

So, that means these people will re-populate the earth after the coming apocalypse?

Billmatic March 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

Ok fellas. My grocery lists are always hastily scrawled and terribly spelled. Yesterday I actually wrote "toofpix" on it. I think I've shown myself to be fairly literate 'round these parts, so lets pretend this person is too…I mean…tamatoes?

But why do you need instant potatoes and a bag of potatoes?????

DoktorZoom March 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

So you can have both baked potatoes and mashed. Obvious, rilly.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 3:34 pm

To go with the frys?

Lascauxcaveman March 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I always misspell one particular item on my grocery list in homage to my favorite Farside Comic of all time.

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

HAHAHAHA!

So I'm not alone.

thebeatgoeson08 March 7, 2011 at 3:14 pm

I have a mug with that cartoon on it! Love the Far Side.

undeterredbyreality March 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Without clicking, I'm guessing "Cat Fud"–I do that, too!

Iam_Who_Iam March 8, 2011 at 5:46 am

My all time Farside favorite: "Go back to sleep Chuck. You're just havin' a nightmare- of course we are still in hell."

Dr_Zoidberg March 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Instant potatoes to eat while you're waiting for the real potatoes to cook.

el_donaldo March 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

"Cerail for you and the kids." But not for me. I'll be happy with those gravy packs.

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Be Fair. They do come with "biscuts".

DaRooster March 7, 2011 at 1:06 pm

OK, CUIT picking on me.

Steverino247 March 7, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Cerail? Is this some kind of mass transit?

CrankyLttlCamperette March 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

Oh lordie, and they have kids! At first I thought perhaps a child had written this but that last line definitely indicates that an "adult" wrote this list. I mean, "white kasuls?" IT'S WRITTEN ON THE DAMN BOX! COPY IT FROM THERE!

I genuinely fear for this country.

KenLayIsAlive March 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Took me like 10 minutes to even figure out what the hell that meant, and I live next to a white castle.

God. Frozen white castle. from a box. No wonder they need all that ketchup.

Those sliders are comparatively expensive, yet people buy it when they could get twice as much hamburger meat, buns, an onion, and some cheese for the same price. Oh, I forgot the pikkles.

tessiee March 8, 2011 at 12:00 am

Well, to be "strickly" accurate, they do also have hamberger meet, cedar cheese, frys, and pikkles on the list. Maybe the white kasuls are to eat while they're waiting for the regular hambergers to cook?

KenLayIsAlive March 8, 2011 at 12:08 am

Haha. You're absolutely right.

In fact, they're probably some billionaire capitalists reverse engineering the sliders in an effort to start a profitable Chinese chain of hamburger joints called "White Kasul".

He just misspelled everything because his monocle was all foggy.

mildlysore March 8, 2011 at 12:46 am

I dare say, when will Jeeves return with our gravy packs? The ambassador will be here post haste.

SheriffRoscoe March 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

This shopping list was composed by a member of the faculty of one of our nation's finest home schools, obvieuslee.

Jukesgrrl March 7, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Or even more obvieuslee, the prinzipull.

edgydrifter March 7, 2011 at 11:48 am

On one hand, the author spelled "tomatoes" correctly. On the other hand, OMFG you stupid cow-whore–you misspelled "stuff." STUFF, for shit's sake! And "castle." And "sugar." Oh, my brain. Sir or madam, kindly hit your head with a hammer (or should I write "hamur" so you will understand) until you are dead or no longer an imbecile, whichever comes first.

EDIT: Ho-ly shit. S/he didn't even spell tomatoes right. Got "taco" and "gravy," though, so way to go USA!

andrewdrinker March 7, 2011 at 1:56 pm

By george, you've come up with the next food sensation, available at your local Wal-Mart Super Center or CostCo: Taco Gravy!

Gleem_McShineys March 7, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Market it by the squeezable pint, maybe consider a free mobility scooter caddy, and you're printing effin money.

MittsHairHelmet March 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

Most of the items on this list are delicious.

tessiee March 11, 2011 at 12:41 am

Yeah, delicious… and DEADLY!!
[ominous music] dun dun dunnnnn!!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 7, 2011 at 11:57 am

Pizza rolls and white kasuls?
Does He/She/It mean pizza rolls and sliders?

DaRooster March 7, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Yep, but I makes 'em speshul…
The peetsas goinside the slydrz.

NorbertsRevenge March 7, 2011 at 11:57 am

This could be our Rosetta Stone moment to understanding an entire civilization.

DashboardBuddha March 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

For a given value of civilization.

Steverino247 March 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Or for understanding what happened to one.

tessiee March 8, 2011 at 12:04 am

This could be our Rosetta Stone moment to despairing for an entire civilization.

Fixed that for ya.

TanzbodenKoenig March 7, 2011 at 11:58 am

Hookt on Fonicks rilly wurkt fer him!

EdFlintstone March 7, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Wonder what the odds were they were riding the scooter cart while shopping?

MinAgain March 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Speling is hard.

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

"hard werk"

maureenn March 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

"Cerail for you and the kids"

Oh, those poor kids

freakishlywrong March 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

"popsickles"..

DashboardBuddha March 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

That's what Death serves on a hot summer day.

Boehneriffic March 7, 2011 at 5:39 pm

^^^ Win!

MissTaken March 7, 2011 at 12:07 pm

1 musturd

Indeed one must.

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

The fruits listed there at the top of the page were probably written down by some Soros-backed anti-TeaTard spy. No Real Merikan would eat all that hoverround food and also buy stuff that healthy.

She spelled "Anusburgers" wrong, too.

Ken Layne March 7, 2011 at 12:43 pm

The fruits were scrawled hastily at the top of the list, after it was finished. It's as if some semblance of *guilt* struck this person just before they dispatched the spouse/first dude/old lady/whatever to WalMart. Maybe Oprah was on — you know *something* was on the teevee, constantly, day and night — and this parent person realized maybe the kids would like a special treat to go with their cerail.

not that Dewey March 7, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I once heard Oprah tell one of her guests that the lettuce garnish on her bacon cheeseburger DID NOT constitute a proper serving of vegetables. The guest was astonished.

Jukesgrrl March 7, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I guess you don't know about the recipe where cut-up fruit is mixed with miniature marshmallows and coated in a mixture of mayonnaise, sugar, and maraschino cherry juice (to add a festive pink color). Sprinkles on top: optional. It's a lovely side dish to serve with taco salad and counts as a vegetable in certain circles.

not that Dewey March 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Ambrosia salad! Food of the Gods! (I've seen the fake-coconut-shavings variant, as well.)

mourningnmerica March 7, 2011 at 12:20 pm

This is actually the menu at the food tent at CPAC.

Native_of_SL_UT March 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Hey, give that back!

Native_of_SL_UT March 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

My wife is still pissed that I came home with only 2 ketchups because I lost my list.

andrewdrinker March 7, 2011 at 1:58 pm

You, sir, are a fraud, for you spell far too well to have been the author of said grocery list!

Now go back to eating your arugula and aioli!

Native_of_SL_UT March 7, 2011 at 3:25 pm

That's cause my wife wrote it.
Arugula and aioli? Aren't those socks?

qwerty42 March 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Three ketchups? Sounds like the work of the Ketchup Advisory Board is done. These are the good years.

widestanceroman March 7, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I proofread for a living and cannot decide whether I've got job security for life or am now a dinosaur.

The War on Literacy has been won. This is truly awful.

nounverb911 March 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

In related news:
"Greeter Charged With Robbery of Own Walmart in NC"
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2011/03/07/us/AP-

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Charlie Sheen better watch out! She wants a man witch!

DaRooster March 7, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Yes, of course one "musturd"… otherwise all this shit will remain in you for-fucking-ever and you'll never be able to eat a bunch of GARBICH forever ugin.
And you no wii lyk tamatoes and so much we nead and tham twys… with bannas!

FUK!

sportshort March 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Cedar cheese. Put it in your hope chest to ward off moths and attract mice.

SheriffRoscoe March 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Putting "for you" on the grocery list, FTMFW.

memzilla March 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

The owner of the list has been found.

MiniMencken March 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm

As Count Leo Tolstoy observed, "All happy families are alike…"

EdFlintstone March 7, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Was that taken at CPAC?

KenLayIsAlive March 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

"Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Juggalos"

MsQuasimodo March 9, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Please, you're offending Juggalos.

Tommmcatt March 7, 2011 at 4:40 pm

"Ass-Lickin' Home Grown". Genius.

DahBoner April 28, 2011 at 4:32 pm

White trash?

I'd say that dude has some Frenchie or Redskin in his woodpile…

Weenus299 March 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Beautiful. I say this as a collector of other people's discarded shopping lists. You can really get a bead on America by going over used shopping carts and parking lots. I encourage the lot of you to do so.

emmelemm March 7, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Are you also an aficianado of Found magazine?

GodShammgod March 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Whomever wrote that grocery list wears Jumbo Jeans.

Weenus299 March 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I sense this person just got his/her/their tax refund. The 3 ketchups and the "biscuts and gravy packs" was the clincher.

cheaphits March 7, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Well, at least they are from Kink City – I mean, Bi Sluts is underlined (can you get those at Walmart?) and poppers = Amyl Nitrate – hell, those folks may need a high calorie intake.

Fred_Wertham_Jr March 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Shuddup. I hade a rilly hard time shoping after I lost'ed my lisp.

user-of-owls March 7, 2011 at 1:03 pm

True Story! Mrs. Owls is Korean (w/out the hyphen) and her grasp of the English language was, shall we say, tenuous when we were first married. One day as I was leaving she gave me a shopping list. I'd told her I needed razor blades, which she duly noted on the list. The first item: chaser blaze.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 3:45 pm

It's one thing to not have English as your first language, and quite another not to *have* a first language.

Troubledog March 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Cakes we like? CAKE IS A LIE

moralturpentine March 7, 2011 at 1:12 pm

No Ranch Dresing Mics, also.

prommie March 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm

New Republican bumpersticker: "I'm an illiteratepigfucking slob, and I vote."

andrewdrinker March 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Okay, I have to admit that our shopping lists are complete insanity, but we do that on purpose. Sometimes every single word on the list will be pluralized ("Honey, I think we're out of toilets papers."), or half of the list will be in German. Once in January, the word "dip" was placed after every item. Mmmmm, unsweetened soymilk dip….

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

"Sometimes every single word on the list will be pluralized ("Honey, I think we're out of toilets papers.")"

"Yous is outs of toilets papers" — Construction worker guy on Futurama

PublicLuxury March 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Jesus H Christ. Another home schooled success

MiniMencken March 7, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Yesterday, as I was driving down from my Bernard Maybeck-designed house in the Berkeley hills in the Tesla, on the way to lunch at Chez Panisse with my old Jungian therapist, to discuss an upcoming Planned Parenthood fundraiser, I was briefly troubled by a premonition that America was becoming a class-bound society. This gave me a tiny frisson of discomfort similar to the one I experienced just now, reading that shopping list.

mourningnmerica March 7, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Best today.

tessiee March 8, 2011 at 12:10 am

What a recherche coincidence! The other Ph.D. candidates and I were discussing this very topic over our arugula lattes just yesterday. Then we all went out and performed an abortion under an endangered tree on an Indian reservation.

MiniMencken March 8, 2011 at 1:31 am

Arugula lattes! I must ask Alice Waters to make me up one of those at my next luncheon at Chez P.

mayor_quimby March 8, 2011 at 7:47 pm

You sure has a lotta expensive soundin' words in that elitist head of yours. You probably got gay married just for the hell of it, didn't you?

metamarcisf March 7, 2011 at 2:28 pm

stuf to make taco salad

cerail for you and the kids

Surreal for me too, babe.

deanbooth March 7, 2011 at 2:31 pm

You spell tamatoes
I spell tomatoes
You spell patatoes
I spell potatoes
Patatoes, potatoes
Tamatoes, tomatoes
Let's call the whole thing off.

HistoriCat March 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Well my daughter insists on that approach but she's 3. I'm hoping she'll outgrow it.

problemwithcaring March 7, 2011 at 2:36 pm

"cakes we like"

Someone either really loves their spouse and knows them well, or they really love a certain kind of cake.

Anyway, I withhold any more jokes about this person until I know more about their politics and can inspect their truck for nutz.

Gleem_McShineys March 7, 2011 at 2:41 pm

You ain't even have to write down "Brawndo for you an the grass" hunny, I rememberts good!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 7, 2011 at 2:58 pm

What, no grits?
I love grits.

Steverino247 March 7, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I used to work part-time at a bank. One day a guy comes in from the local bakery with the following list of rolled coins for change:

4 Koras
5 Dims
3 Nicos
5 Penis

Keeping a straight face, I told him I only had one of those items and would need to get some more for him.

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Does the musturd go on anusburgers?

sezme March 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Not "on", "in".

CalamityJames March 7, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Well, I guess lunch is covered, but what about first supper?

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Is "stuf to make spggtti" the same as "spegtti + meatballs"?

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 3:42 pm

There's such a thing as an "old fashioned popper"?

donner_froh March 7, 2011 at 3:43 pm

It is hard to spell words right: popcikles, cerail, spegtti. But how do you misspell a brand name for a product that you have had in your house and used for your entire life: Coolaid?

Gleem_McShineys March 7, 2011 at 6:54 pm

C-I-L-L
my landlord

Jukesgrrl March 7, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Becuz the rent is to dam hi

tessiee March 8, 2011 at 12:11 am

Make him dead.

maureenn March 8, 2011 at 9:17 am

What's awesome is that they've actually corrected the spelling from 'kool' as it is misspelled in the brand name to 'cool' as god intended it to be. I wonder if they did that on purpose, in a fit of pique about how misspelled brand names are the downfall of our society…

mayor_quimby March 8, 2011 at 7:53 pm

The local food-like products dispensary in my corner of the hood actually has "Koolaid" on one of their aisle signs.
This is where I would normally say as Chris Rock says "black people are the only people that hate black people more than white people. "

DaRooster March 7, 2011 at 3:43 pm

No, no… I finally got it…
She is sending her husband to the store and he don't read no good no how.
I feel much better now that it was written this way on purpose.

fuflans March 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

ummm, where is the booze item?

undeterredbyreality March 7, 2011 at 4:01 pm

That's another trip–not enough room in the pickup for that and the fud.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2011 at 9:22 pm

"get me and you a30 packs a peace BPR "

Iam_Who_Iam March 8, 2011 at 6:11 am

Wally-world iz in the dry countie… gotta drive down thru Dribblesville to the next countie for our licksquore and wizkey.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 8, 2011 at 11:49 am

The list is memorized.
Milwaukee's Best Ice Lite

BaldarTFlagass March 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

They "go without saying."

__kth__ March 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

But taco salad is healthy. Because it's salad!

nounverb911 March 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Didn't Reagan designate Ketchup as a vegetable in 1981?
(Of course that was before he became one himself.)

KenLayIsAlive March 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm

"Let them eat [the] cake[s] [we like]!"

This is truly fucking sad.

thebeatgoeson08 March 7, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I was shopping with my daughter when she was about 5 and she was holding my list. When I looked at it , there was an entry that said DEAD CAT. It was her idea of a joke. But at least she spelled it correctly!
I do have a friend, however, who is quite intelligent and can't spell to save his life (shugar for sugar). But I don't think you'll find instant potatoes or white castle or hamburger helper on his list.

doxastic March 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

For the writer, the world of words must be like being surrounded by vaguely familiar hieroglyphs.

chascates March 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Surger & coolaid is no substitute for HFCS. Why does this progressive hate America?

__kth__ March 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Also, 2 packs "apeace" isn't bad for that much food. Unless you look at it as, they are going to eat all that stuff in the time it takes them to smoke 2 packs of cigs. Which one is the independent variable? More journalism, plz.

emmelemm March 7, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Geez, check your sources!! Amirite?

Jukesgrrl March 7, 2011 at 5:56 pm

No reminder to stop at the medical marijuana outlet on the way home? Maybe that's a given.

not that Dewey March 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Nor the strip-mall outpatient dialysis center. What gives?

tessiee March 8, 2011 at 12:17 am

"No reminder to stop at the medical marijuana outlet on the way home?"

They stopped there immediately before making this list.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr March 7, 2011 at 6:30 pm

years ago, in my bleak, bleak moments while living in south bend, indiana, i would often think to myself 'if this whole city was nuked and burned to the ground with me in it, the world wouldn't miss it.' that's sort of how this list makes me feel.

Jukesgrrl March 7, 2011 at 11:01 pm

How is it that your p is still only 92?! You must have gotten 92 fists on EACH of your recent posts from the labor front.

CliveWarren March 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm

This isn't a shopping list… I'm pretty sure this is a part of Bristol Palin's University of Arizona application. I believe they asked the applicants to submit an essay.

"Who would you invite to your dream dinner party ". 1000 words or less, please…

She aced the word limit part. And "Cedar Cheese" isn't a typo – it's how she signs her letters and paintings.

May she and her kids enjoy many happy cerails…

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Wtf is 'old fashioned' pepper? Freshly ground?

not that Dewey March 7, 2011 at 9:53 pm

"old fashioned" = black? Just guessing.

Iam_Who_Iam March 8, 2011 at 6:19 am

Dr. Pepper, none of that cherry or diet shit. OMG, I totally understand this list. Kill. Me. Now.

CUNextTuesday March 7, 2011 at 9:38 pm

I kan rite shapping lizt?

tessiee March 7, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I acidently the grocerys.

smokefilledroommate March 8, 2011 at 12:52 am

I bot tamatoes but fergot patatoes 'n' surgar for the coolaid. Next time I only do an half bag of cirstal beefour I goe shoping.

tessiee March 8, 2011 at 12:13 am

Yeah, it's right up there with Nekkid Lunch.

johnnyzhivago March 8, 2011 at 7:56 am

You idiots! You throw cedar cheese in your closet to keep the varmints out!

tessiee March 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Cheese varmints… Mm-mmm, that's some good eatin'.

GregComlish March 8, 2011 at 9:15 am

I have a totally different take on this. I was pleasantly shocked to discover that all four items at the top of the list referred to actual healthy foods, two of which were properly spelled. In my opinion, you guys have succumbed to the soft bigotry of too high expectations.

jus_wonderin March 8, 2011 at 10:44 am

Folks, you are looking at this all wrong. The list was written so the five year old could comprehend and do the shopping while Mom took a disco nap in the van before her next “client”.

smokefilledroommate March 8, 2011 at 1:34 pm

'Bog of Biscut' sounds like someplace in Middle Earth.

Barrelhse March 8, 2011 at 6:06 pm

This guy makes William Carlos Williams look like a hack.

mosaickmind March 10, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Hubby must be perty to smart. Doesn't even have to know what is needed to make spegetti or taco salad. But I guess he could look at the back of the hamberger helper or manwich (which man?) I didn't know it takes 3 instant potatoes to make a bag of potatoes either
3 ketchups for 3 bags o fries?..and more tamatoes. Got the veggies covered…

guymartini1984 March 15, 2011 at 11:25 am

The misspellings are offensive and all, but judging by the food items indicated, I seriously pity the poor plumbing in these 'people's' home.

DahBoner April 28, 2011 at 4:30 pm

"Wal-Mart brings guns back…Wal-Mart's ready to do battle on prices"

You guys cover me while I make a run to Costco. I think K-mart is sneaking up behind us…

FlexPerks August 26, 2011 at 7:35 pm

'Any man who can think of only one way to spell a word can't be very intelligent'
-Andrew Jackson

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