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[Crude sex joke]Times are tough for journalists covering the standoff over collective bargaining in Wisconsin. Just how many days in a row are you supposed to write this “There are still protests and the state senators are still floating on a lazy river at some hotel in Illinois” story? The protestors and the legislators may be able to stick to their guns, but there’s a limit to reporters’ ethics and how much they can stand of this before they just start making stuff up and hope it comes true. Thus, we get the headline “Democrats to End Union Standoff” from the Wall Street Journal. Okay! Here comes a flood of pageviewz! Everything is all over! Except these Democrats say they’re not actually giving up and returning to the state.

(In response, the Wall Street Journal will report that the entire Midwest completely disappeared into thin air and all the journalists can come home now.)

Playing a game of political chicken, Democratic senators who fled Wisconsin to stymie restrictions on public-employee unions said Sunday they planned to come back from exile soon, betting that even though their return will allow the bill to pass, the curbs are so unpopular they’ll taint the state’s Republican governor and legislators.

That does seem plausible, considering the Democrats we’re used to always cave in!

But, according to Sen. Chris Larson:

Sen. Miller’s comments are taken out of context in the Wall Street Journal article just released. Dems will return when collective bargaining is off the table. That could be soon based on the growing public opposition to the bill and the recall efforts against Republicans. Unfortunately, the WSJ fished for the quote they wanted, skipping this key step in logic: we won’t come back until worker’s rights are preserved.

The Wall Street Journal will now dress up its reporters as Republican state senators (place a name-tag on their lapels that says “REPUBLICAN SENATOR”) and send them down to talk to the senators in Illinois. Maybe it will work? If not, here’s a headline they could use: “Democrats Are Wise-Cracking Zebras From Outer Space, Say They Will Return To Wisconsin As Soon As They Finish This Vat Of Heroin.” [WSJ/Facebook]

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  • Needz moar Crisco.

  • x111e7thst

    According to Faux News the Wisconsin Democrats are in Libya negotiating with Muammar Muhammad al-Gaddaf for some fighter jets to attack the State Capitol with.

    • charlesdegoal

      Alternatively, they are learning from the Libyan opposition: Eau Claire could become the new Benghazi.

  • chickensmack

    Look at all the pee Wisconsin gets in that up-fist.

    How big is it?

    That upfist is so big, it fisted the U.P.!

    • OneDollarJuana

      Having been to Gay, Michigan, I can confirm that the U.P. liked it!

      (now, you want that pasty with or without?)

      • The UPeers like that Hurly knuckle in their Ironwood

        • OneDollarJuana

          And they like to put "Han" and "cock" together, so to speak.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        (with, pls)

    • V572625694

      If war-loving NYT hack Thomas Friedman wrote a book about the UP, it would be called Cool, Flat and Empty.

    • Nopantsmcgee

      Escanaba, nights, Baybee!

      • mereoblivion

        Don't knock 'em till you've fried 'em.

    • PsycWench

      O/T (or not): downfister alert! Rupert Murdoch himself prowls among us. Or something. Also, follower troll changed name to something "libunacy". Hardy har har.

    • horsedreamer_1

      As one of the most pretentious people I have met is from St. Ignace, I am four-square in favour of fisting the UP.

  • lefty74

    Same thing only different with one exception of a loonie spilling live bullets.

    • GOPCrusher

      Sadly enough, I'm surprised that someone hasn't showed up take Second Amendment Remedies against the protesters, or in Illinois. I'm sure there has to be a Tea Bagger out there that is close to the snapping point.

  • Schmannnity

    Boredom and Cheez Wiz on Ritz crackers for 30 days at the Madison Ramada and you start making stuff up.

    • Awww, I was hoping for spray cheese instead!

      • V572625694

        That abomination is probably illegal in WI. Or oughta be.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Oleo (margarine) was illegal, quite so, when my parents were coming up.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            No, just colored oleo. I remember as a small child that one of my chores was to moosh around the plastic bag filled with dead-white margarine and the little drop of yellow food coloring to turn it into something you could stand to look at on a piece of bread.

            They couldn't actually make oleo itself illegal, because of the Commerce Clause, y'know.

            (What, you thought margarine was naturally yellow?)

    • Negropolis

      I read that as the "Madison Ramadan." The muslins; they are everywhere! Get outta' my head, muslins!

  • baconzgood

    Date line

    Pittsburgh PA

    Baconzgood won 50 thousand kajillion dollars on powerball and bought the WSJ to make it a newspaper again. He replaced the intire staff with Mother Jones and Wonkette "reporters".

    • James Michael Curley

      And served potato and onion perogies in the caf.

      • PubOption

        Would also need some pork for Arielle!

  • theres a limit to reporters ethics

    That limit can be quantified. It is a number that falls between zero and a little more than zero.

  • SorosBot

    When did the Wall Street Journal become Fox News? Oh, duh, when Murdoch brought it; sorry.

    • Exactly, they sold their souls and last vestige of fair reporting to the devil and the devil is gonna get his due.

      WSJ will probably soon be a useless appendage of Faux Business News…This is great news for Mike Tobin…as soon as he recovers from his injuries.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Back when I worked for an office that got it every day, I used to love reading the WSJ, since their news reporting was as good as anybody's and their features got pretty good to, and you could sit a read all that over lunch, and be that much more intellectually engaged in and informed about the world around you, and then you could wander over to the editorial page for some completely hilarious batshit Reaganite masturbatory hysteria larfs. And then do it all again the next day.

        Thanks for nothing, Murdoch.

  • comments are taken out of context in the Wall Street Journal article

    THAT has certainly never happened before.

  • JoeBiteme

    "That does seem plausible, considering the Democrats we’re used to always cave in!"

    No, the Dems we're used to would have agreed to return as long as Walker agreed to include some abortion restrictions as well, for Jesus.

  • Troubledog

    No way Democrats are leaving a party while there is still pizza and marijuana available.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Can't stop it yet, The game of chicken here is finding out just how low Scott Walker's approval numbers can go. He's already had what might be the shortest honeymoon in American political history. Let's establish one new record after another until he's known as "He whose name must not be mentioned". WSJ is doing that hopeful GOP projecting thing we see so much of these days.

    • Terry

      I wonder if this is a record for the shortest period an oath of office and a recall effort?

      Wisconsin residents, learn from this.

      • BerkeleyBear

        I think Honest Abe had the shortest honeymoon, seeing as how the South decided to leave the Union before he got sworn in.

        • horsedreamer_1

          They didn't leave the Union; the Union left them.

          (I don't know if Southern Partisans have posited that, but it sounds like something they would.)

  • BarackMyWorld

    Based on the trajectory of that fist, the people of Michigan are once again about to take it in the ass.

    • Terry

      The UP isn't really Michigan. It's a remote place with only a week or two of summer that chooses to send occasional emmissaries to Lansing.

      • horsedreamer_1

        You guys should have won the Toledo War if you didn't want a round of applause.

        • Terry

          The loser was forced to take Toledo, unfortunately.

      • Negropolis

        It really is hard to call a Yooper a representative. They are like special delegates, like snowflakes blown in from the north.

    • PsycWench

      The WSJ article already brought up the issue of "taint". I think tainting the governor is a fine idea.

  • fartknocker

    I use the WSJ to wipe off the trickle down that occurs after I urinate. I call it Reaganomic urination.

    • Oh yes. The Wall Street Urinal.

    • V572625694

      Watch out for paper cuts!

      • DaRooster

        And ink smudges.

  • In other WSJ news:

    Death Tax reversed – Union members to pay rebate of insufficiently earned income & benefits to corporate employers upon demise. Amounts to be determined by newly formed Koch Commission.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I sold my soul to the company sto'.

  • PublicLuxury

    What? No butt secks on the waterslide? Come on Dems, get with the program. Santorum is your friend and a pool just washes it all bye bye.

  • This would be a better country without Rupert Murdoch in it.

    Can we kick him out now? I wonder if Australia would take him back.
    ~

    • V572625694

      Whichever Aussie whispered in Rupert's ear, "Ye heeven't bloody maide it, mite, until yee've maide it in London," probably got the Down Under equivalent of the Medal of Freedom.

      • Weenus299

        T'weren't Juslian Assange.

  • arcane_allusion

    Jack-
    Your stuff is almost always good to excellent, but that alt-text is your finest work ever.
    Truly genius.
    Thank you.
    Unfortunately, Ken's going to expect 10 more of those by the end of the day.

  • HateMachine

    “Democrats Are Wise-Cracking Zebras From Outer Space, Say They Will Return To Wisconsin As Soon As They Finish This Vat Of Heroin.”

    Except the WSJ can't use that headline, because The Onion has dibs.

    • Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the two.

  • hagajim

    Sounds to me like the toxic waste that is Rupert Murdoch is starting to turn the Wall Street Journal into the print version of Faux….biggest surprise ever! Not.

  • CapeClod

    If Walker's popularity drops far enough, Fox News will soon be "mistakingly" labeling him "Democrat Governor Scott Walker."

  • Ya pick a pair of phrases here and there, give a tweak here & there, run those paraphrases through the corporate word sieve and presto, yer a WSJ editor.

    • V572625694

      "People too poor to owe any income tax" = "Luckie Duckies," for example

  • LiveToServeYa

    Strikers need to enlist the Naked Peta Chicks or other similar gimmick.

  • Hatrabbit

    'Scott Walker Rides In On Magic Unicorn, Busts Unions With Jawbone Of A Reagan.'

    Filed under: Wall Street Journal Headlines I like.

    • BornInATrailer

      More thumbs up for this please.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Quite frankly, I am very encouraged/impressed/surprised/horny that the Dems HAVEN'T caved in already.

    Who are these 'Democrats' and can we get them to start a National Party to compete against the National Republican Party someday?

  • freakishlywrong

    At least we have the "Paper of Record" to be fair and balanced and get labor's back..oh..wait….glowing bio of cancer ridden oligarch notwithstanding.

  • mavenmaven

    American news attention span is shorter than the average teen, and one can be certain that when Scott Walker revokes the child labor laws he will not be met by even a yawn.

  • BornInATrailer

    Geez, look at that WI fist.. trying to cram between two great lakes using an actual fist. You're supposed to point the fingers first THEN make a fist.

    No wonder WI can't get anything right.

  • At this rate, the Republicans are going to bust out their time machine and run Scott Walker retroactively in the 2008 presidential election.

  • V572625694

    Careful! If they find out you've discerned the broad outlines of the plan, bad things could happen to you. Just ask Charlie Sheen if you don't believe it.

    • Ducksworthy

      @$%Q$%%$#!$#! (muffled screaming)

  • L188188

    How come ain't no Green Bay on dat fist?

    • The graphic was done by a Bears fan, obvs

    • AtwatersGhost

      Green Bay nuthin', where indahellis Manitowoc?

    • Negropolis

      It's the (Superbowl) ring on the fist.

  • The recall of the WI Republicans is on. http://www.jsonline.com/news/statepolitics/117501

    • SmutBoffin

      Unfortunately, Walker can't be recalled until 1 year after the election. Maybe that will wipe the dumb look off of his face.

      • GOPCrusher

        Can they start collecting signatures for the recall petition before the 1 year is up? And interestingly enough, I've read where Republiklans are now starting to distribute recall petitions against the Democratic Senators that have left the state.

        • SorosBot

          Have the Republicans paid any attention to the polls? The Wisconsin public overwhelmingly supports the state workers and Dems in Illinois.

  • ttommyunger

    When Journalism needs an Enema, it looks to Fox "News" for relief. When it needs a Hand-Job, it looks to the Wall Street Journal.

  • Damn, when Wisconsin decides to get all up-fisty, they don't mess around…

  • MinAgain

    Now there's a seismic fist bump just waiting to happen.

  • zappadoo76

    I hope everyone enjoys theater, because that's what this is. Collective bargaining is a throwaway negotiating chip for Governor Walker. He will eventually, with fake regret, announce that he is "compromising" on CB, and will accept the big pay and benefit cuts offered by unionists, in return for allowing their public employee unions to exist. Labor bosses and Democratic Party hacks will announce this as a victory (Winning!) and Walker and his Koched-up Tea Party bosses will get what they want, and everyone will be happy and start running around in their snowsuits.

    Then they will all get on their snowmobiles and motor-ski home, the end.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Cold & partly cloudy with a chance of gum-drops.

  • SwanSwanH

    Terrorist fist bump or ACORN-funded Chicago street-gang sign?

  • zappadoo76

    Maybe. Certainly the Kocks want the destruction of CB. But Scotty
    Walker would be happy to balance his budget. Even buttboys can sometimes manipulate their anal owners.

    • glamourdammerung

      I think you are giving Scott Walker some credit for intelligence and foresight that is clearly not merited.

  • the wall street journal: "this news is booooooring! let's make up some shit!" the wsj: now run by your 12-year-old niece and her friends.

  • Negropolis

    Why is Wisconsin punching/jerking off my Michigan? Keep your hands of my beloved Big Mitten, bro! We grab stuff, not the other way around.

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