A visiting assistant anthropology professor at upstate New York’s Binghamton University may have found the actual “teeth of Jesus” in a prehistoric Israeli cave, experts say.
If Jesus was truly alive between 200,000 and 400,000 years ago, it is possible that the eight teeth discovered in Qesem Cave might be the actual “teeth of the Lord.”
The teeth are providing researchers with new information about the earlier occupants of this region that for millennia has been a crossroads for animal and human migration in, and out, of Africa, the BU faculty member said.
The teeth also present new evidence as to where modern man might have originated, a release from the university said. If the remains from Qesem can be directly linked to Homo sapiens species, it could mean modern man either originated in what is now Israel, or migrated out of Africa far earlier than presently accepted, the release said.
In other words, it is entirely possible that the teeth belong to Jesus Christ, one of the most famous Israelis. Other famous Israelis include Oscar™ winner Natalie Portman, star of The Phantom Menace.
It is unknown whether the historical Jesus actually had teeth. [Star Gazette]
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The assumption is that these teeth belonged to Jesus, because one tooth had a crown. We shouldn't poo-poo the assistant anthropology professor's occlusions. He's only human and he has fillings too.
I think you've nailed down what is a very thorny issue.
I thought they had already found Jesus' teeth, along with most of the rest of his bones, astride the backbone of a particularly well-preserved dinosaur.
Silly Wonkette. Everyone knows that Jesus was (conveniently) bodily swept into heaven, and thus no trace of him can (conveniently) ever be found. Either that, or he was the original tooth fairy.
The first; probably not likely. The second seems to be more the probable.
I can't wait until white racists learn/accept their ancestors were either Jews or Negroes.
Jewish Negroes!!! Somewhere, Sammy Davis Jr is smiling.
Cuba, along with Tupac and Elvis
Christopher Moore nailed this (and many other ramifications of reality) in his book Lamb – the Gospel according to Jesus' boyhood friend Biff. Brings a whole new meaning to the idea of the Jew-fro.
Silly, Negropolis! Everyone knows that humans didn't originate or migrate or evolve. God made Adam just the way people are today and they haven't changed one bit since then so these teeth OBVIOUSLY belong to either Adam, Moses or Jesus.
You are absolutely correct! Because we all know that God made Adam weigh in at 350 lbs washing down his double- anus burgers with a 48 ounce of Mountain Dew while roaming around on his hoveround just like we humans do today.
Sweet Tea or GTFO, gawddammit.
Except for his foreskin! Which may or may not have become the Rings of Saturn! #actualtheologicalthought.
Holy Prepuce, Batman! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Prepuce
I really wonder how you managed to get three pee, but I didn't. It's a holy mystery, but nearly as much as the Holy Prepuce.
I'd share my p with you if I could! Since I can't, I thumbed you up twice. Once for each comment. Now we're even.
They should test the teeth for traces of Mary Magdalene's pubes. That would settle the matter.
Jesus totally would have been into Natalie Portman had they both been invited to the same post-award parties in LA.
…some guy in a cave?!!911!!!…
If it's only eight teeth, it could be just some guy from Mississippi who choked on his KFC and fell down a hole.
I thought Jesus had wooden teeth.
That was George Washington…and anyone who lives in England.
Absolutely true — made from dogwood.
Jesus was our first president.
He's reported to have been decisive in winning the battle upon crossing the Jordon River to defeat the Haitians, and then the Delaware to defeat the Philistines.
Ah. At first, I was thinking that Ken had actually gone off the deep end. Then I read the excerpts more carefully, and noticed "it could mean modern man either originated in what is now Israel, …".
Now, Mormons know that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, but many other ostensible-believers-in-the-Old-Testament know that it was in the general vicinity of Israel (well, Iraq, actually, but who's counting?).
The 200-400Ky date is a small prob. Did Jesus have teeth 200,000 years B.C.? I suppose YHWH could have maintained him as a tooth-bearing pre-fetus for a few hundred thousand years, but how did they get knocked out? Child-divinity abuse?
Occam's Razor leads me to the more satisfactory supposition that these are the teeth of Gilgamesh.
Israel ,Iran, Iraq ,Egypt who cares they're all right next to each other and full of A-rabs.
And wasn't Gilgamesh ones of those guys from the Silmarillion?
So wait. The professor found Gilgamesh's teeth and Occam's razor!?
Oral hygiene! There must be a pre-historic Rite-Aid nearby.
I thought Occam's razor was a Gillette Super Blue? Now you say it was teeth? Teeth?
After our all powerful, heavenly Father had his son tortured, humiliated and nailed to a cross, he knocked the teeth out of his skull. Makes sense to me.
Duzit ta you?
Oh, never mind.
You know what else was found in an Israeli cave?
That's right: the vagina dentata of the Virgin Mary.
You would think it was in immaculate condition.
The teeth can't possibly be older than 6,015 years. Obviously planted there by Satan and a global scientific conspiracy.
Satan is the most busy deity I've ever heard of. Between that and burying dinosaur bones and tempting everyone towards sin, that's one busy bastard. That's one hard ass-worker.
He's a real Joe Lunchpail, is Satan.
And what does God do all day? Sends tornadoes to trailer parks and bullets to 9 year old girls. Even Wisconsin teachers work harder than that. And, frankly, he should cut back.
I love your idea, dude has to earn his keep!
And he's probably in the union with ganesh and Buddha and those other slackers. Just cold smoking Newports while leaning on his shovel handle. (He is black, of course)
If the remains from Qesem can be directly linked to Homo sapiens species, it could mean modern man either originated in what is now Israel, or migrated out of Africa far earlier than presently accepted, the release said.
Or that they've been fighting over the same patch of rocky hills for way fucking longer than anybody even imagined.
Three of the teeth are from one individual, but the others are isolated specimens of different ages — with two of the teeth, "milk teeth," having come from young children.
Civilization's first attempt at dirt hockey.
I thought it was the tooth fairy's original home.
Jesus didn't have teeth, silly! He had huge mandibles of death. Also, he was a tiger.
With Adonis DNA, even. Duh, winning!
I wonder, did he have Tiger Blood, too?
Was he strong? Listen, bud. He's got radioactive blood.
Yup, and everyone who "drinks of it" had raging hard-ons for four hours and called a physician.
They also found a swan feather — and it was black!
Can you really trust and elitist, east coast, union thug professor?
Hahahahaha (gasp) hahahahahaha! If you ever visit Binghamton, you'll understand why what you said was so funny.
I have and you're right about that. Its as far from elite as you can get.
Well…it is all relative, isn't it? I mean, compared with Arkansas, Mississippi, and Alabama, Binghamton *is* elite.
Lair of the Tooth Fairy Found!
That stuff in god's snowball? It wasn't just some weird bacteria…it was plaque!
I found Vulcan ears once in a basement… I mean cave, once. Spock is real, too!
Natalie Portman has teeth? OMG!
I'm pretty sure, because I studied it, Jesus and George Washington used the same set of teeth. That is how Jesus wrote the konstitooshun through George's teeth.
Jesus is a Venezuelan shortstop or a guy with a leaf blower in Pasadena.
To be fair, if this schmuck really thinks he's found Jesus' teeth, he ain't doin' Christianity a favor, as evidenced by the old saw:
"Easter's been canceled; they found the body."
lol!
Looks like the Italian Mafia isn't exactly as good as I thought.
I'm gonna start a Christian death metal band called Teeth of Jesus.
C'mon everyone…we all know that the earth is no more than 6,000 years old…so how would there be teeth that are 200,000 years old…I just hope the Rapture comes and cleans us out on May 11 like I heard….or was it May 21, hell I can never remember important dates.
And there they were, soaking in the Holy Grail, smelling vaguely of mint.
They were found in the cave of 'John The Dentist'. This discovery also brought to light an ancient proof reading error in the Bible.
Does that mean Baptists will now be called Dentists? If so, "Southern Dentist" is going to be a tricky one to say without laughing.
Somehow, "Southern Dentist' seems the less creepy title.
He left his teeth behind because you don't need teeth to transcend to Heaven… for tho doth not needeth to chew… it hath all been done for thee.
But what of the container they were soaking in. Was it a glass, a cup, the Holy Grail? I'm assuming the solution they were soaking in was evaporated by this point, but can analysis tell us what Brand of soaking solution it was? Name-brand, generic? We must have details, Pilgrims, details! It could be worth Millions in advertising. Imagine, being able to say "the very Brand Jeebus used to soak his teeth in every night."
Did you ever see Jesus and the Tooth Fairy in the same room together?
Didn't think so.
FTW
Were those teeth found inside the fossil of a T Rex? Because that would be awkward.
It's the Holy Grill!
Well, for me, that's the win.
No. The End!
Wait, no, if the article says 200,000-400,000 years old, by my calculations, those are actually John McCain's teeth.
The better one for me (as discussed by Umberto Eco in Baudalino) was how you could get a John the Baptist head younger or older dependent on your interpretation of scripture (gilding extra).
The teeth of Jesus? Someone is desperate for some grant money
Jesus has left the building… but his teeth? Not so much.
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