WEINER ON WEINER  3:49 pm March 4, 2011

A Penis May Have Appeared On Fox News the Other Day

by Jack Stuef

Like shooting puns in a barrel of dicks.
Yes, a lot of dicks appear on Fox News. But it’s unusual for a literal, anatomical penis to make to air on this teevee channel for families (70-year-old white people with bloodlust). In the background of that Megyn Kelly interview we posted yesterday, a man in a suit standing behind Weiner across the Capitol Rotunda unzipped his pants multiple times and stuck his hand in, giggling about it with his fellow frat lobbyists.

Watch beginning at the 0:50 mark to see this guy set down his folders, turned to the camera, and start rummaging around in his pants. It’s a little tough to see if any skin actually emerges. Thankfully. Unless you’re one of those people who are into disgusting middle aged men walking around the Capitol.

Keen-eyed Wonkette operative “Kate” writes, “Obviously you can’t touch anything in the Capitol, gross.” No kidding. Never work there, kids. It may look like white sandstone and marble, but the whole thing is just covered in semen. That’s the only reason to work in the Capitol: wanting to feel powerful so badly that you rub your genitals on everything there.

Let us know if you recognize this fellow, though.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 111 comments }

gabjoh March 4, 2011 at 3:50 pm

You had to know somebody had that fetish.

DrunkIrishman March 4, 2011 at 3:53 pm

What a coincidence, penis is Glenn Beck's nickname around the FOX News studio.

bflrtsplk March 5, 2011 at 4:03 am

In keeping with Faux policy of limiting syllables to one per word, that has been shortened to dick – small d.

Barbara_i March 4, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Wow, that video had more Wang than the Shanghai white pages. Finally, something for the gal Wonkateers.
Hey Lizzie, did ya see this?

Limeylizzie March 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Hmmmm? I just got home so let me take a look .

karen March 4, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Don't be assuming all of us gal Wonkateers enjoy the Wangs. Where's the wicked hot lobbyist ladies who get the congressmen to do whatever the corporate Koch whores want? C'mon now girls, set down your talking points and unbutton that blouse!

DeeJayKitteh March 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Even if I did want to see wang (which I don't) I most definitely wouldn't want to see the wang attached to that pasty, doughy body.

GuyClinch March 4, 2011 at 3:53 pm

He was simply adjusting his Koch-ring.

freakishlywrong March 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I could suck that comment's koch.

gullywompr March 5, 2011 at 5:10 pm

win.

Lazy Media March 4, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Y'all aren't old, fat guys who wear suits, are you? If you're an OFGWWS, and your shirt pulls up, pretty much the only way to get it back into a decent condition is to drop the ol' zipper and yank down hard. That's what baldy appears to be doing here.

I was hoping he would be doing the "finger out the fly" bit, but nope, he's just tidying up.

WIDTAP March 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I'd have to agree. It looks like he doesn't notice that he is in line of sight of the camera and is using the pillar as cover from closer angles.

That said, perhaps we can all agree what he was saying was "Nothing to see here!"

danceswithpalin March 4, 2011 at 10:23 pm

I think that the "nothing to see here" comment tonight is the equivalent of the Rodney King "can't we all just get along." Thanks WIDTAP for your contribution to internet world peace.

DeeJayKitteh March 4, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I know they got rid of the biodegradable kitchenware to cut back on costs, but I had no idea they also got rid of all the bathrooms in which these kind of shirt-pulling-down activities could be done in private.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Knowing my luck, I'd get the shopping cart this guy had just used at the grocery store.

MaxUdargo March 4, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Hey, you gotta pee, you gotta pee.

proudgrampa March 4, 2011 at 4:32 pm

You already have 116 of them. What? Oh. Never mind.

SudsMcKenzie March 4, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Megyn seems to instinctively pucker her lips around :50.

forgracie March 4, 2011 at 3:55 pm

How's it hanging Congressman?

Gopherit March 4, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Just try and keep shriveled phalluses off Fox "News". You just can't do it.

And be fair to the guy. sometimes, the boys need a breath of fresh air.

4TheTurnstiles March 4, 2011 at 3:56 pm

This is a very heterosexual moment. Srsly. Lots of guys do this and it's OK and normal and not gay.

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Is that the transcript from Larry Craig's courtroom appearance?

Gopherit March 4, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Can't we get a ball gag for Megyn Kelly?

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Maybe that's what the guy was reaching for.

nounverb911 March 4, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I just hope she takes a really long maternity leave starting next month.

OneDollarJuana March 4, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Any kind of gag will work.

El Pinche March 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I think duct tape would be better.

Barbara_i March 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I wonder if Beulah Balbricker is going to have a line up to identify the offender?

jus_wonderin March 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

She's just as much the bitch as she was the first time around. Or is she the dick?

SexySmurf March 4, 2011 at 3:59 pm

He's a lobbyist for the crabs industry.

nounverb911 March 4, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Did he get extra p points for playing with himself?

imissopus March 4, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Hey, sometimes you just gotta give the old undercarriage a bit of the "How's your father?"

Barbara_i March 4, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Penis goes in, penis goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why penis goes in.

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

"You can’t explain why penis goes in."

I'm pretty sure I can.

DeeJayKitteh March 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Because of Jesus. Obvs.

nounverb911 March 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

"Let us know if you recognize this fellow, though."
If it was orange, John Boner

FlownOver March 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

"A dick on Fox News" is just the new way of saying "Dog bites man."

Come here a minute March 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Fox News Baba Booey!

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

The fact that this act of pubic indecency occurred while Weiner was discussing Justice Long Dong Silver's lady problems makes it all the more not sexy.

SexySmurf March 4, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Maybe someone asked to see his poll?

V572625694 March 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm

No way are you going to trick me into watching that Megyn-Anthony screaming match twice.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm

It's OK; the dude's a lobbyist, so his non-metaphorical penis isn't big enough for the camera to see it.

widestanceroman March 4, 2011 at 4:14 pm

You know who just returned to DC as a lobbyist? Read my screen name for a clue.

SexySmurf March 4, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I didn't know the glory hole industry had lobbyists?

widestanceroman March 4, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I think it's the other way around.

SayItWithWookies March 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm

That's John Ensign — he's required to make sure he knows where his dick is five times a day.

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 4:12 pm

That would explain why Ensign nicknamed his dick "Lil' Mecca".

V572625694 March 4, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Part of the settlement, no doubt.

Clancy_Pants March 4, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 4:14 pm

"Sheeeeeit, if this gon' be that kinda lobby…"

ttommyunger March 4, 2011 at 9:03 pm

At least he isn't near.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 4, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Obviously anticipating some of those teabag folks rolling by on their scooters.

Chillwaver March 4, 2011 at 4:10 pm

People dicking around on Capitol Hill? No fucking way!

fuflans March 4, 2011 at 4:11 pm

oh troll, don't you have some cheetos to consume?

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Always seem to appear in the penis stories, don't they?

DerrickWildcat March 4, 2011 at 4:13 pm

A soft core flashing.

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Look, congress is just awash with money. They're full up. Saturated. Now your thinking lobbyist, willing to go the extra mile, says to himself "look, if I want get that new loophole into the tax code, I might have to show Lindsey Graham a little skin".

Viola. And that's how the sausage gets made. Or put in a Senators mouth. Whatever.

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 4:18 pm

BREAKING: "A 'Palm Tree' May Have Appeared On Fox News the Other Day"

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Wow. If you're packing a palm tree, you can write your own ticket in Washington.

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

It's all about the CocoNutz™.

CapnFatback March 4, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Funny, I thought the ones in the video were NillaNutz.™

harry_palmer March 4, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Notice Glenn Beck has NEVER appeared somewhere else in the photograph while that guy whips it out. Coincidence?

harry_palmer March 4, 2011 at 4:23 pm

That's not a guy's wicked peepee. That's Jack's email pal "explaining Louisiana history" to some school kids.

baconzgood March 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm

"Hey Bill. You wanna see my impersonation of Clarence Thomas around a can of Coke?"

Monsieur_Grumpe March 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Up there in the capitol I believe the zipping and unzipping of the fly with jiggling is referred to as trolling for pages.

PublicLuxury March 4, 2011 at 4:31 pm

So these two congressmen go into a bar. . .

undeterredbyreality March 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Just more "palm trees" from Faux.

Edit: Oh, hell, I didn't see Extemporanus' comment.

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

The world needs more palm tree jokes, not fewer.

bagofmice March 5, 2011 at 4:20 am

I a frond of this idea, especially if it comes with coconutz.

donner_froh March 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

The new secret handshake of the House of Representatives majority whip.

mavenmaven March 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Much like many of us, that guy was just fishing for p-points…

4TheTurnstiles March 4, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Downfist troll: Drop your dick and downfist deez nutz!

weejee March 4, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Everyone just got one back – upfisted the whole page

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

…and boy are my arms tired!

*rimjob*

weejee March 4, 2011 at 5:23 pm

gotta get yer aerobics where ya can

738838 March 5, 2011 at 8:01 am

I think you mean rimshot. Unless you are a lobbyist.

weejee March 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

It was an act of respect. He was just trying to put a pube in his Koch before the Thomas tape ran.

PublicLuxury March 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Was it a pissing match? Were they measuring their swords for a duel? Did they want to see it because it had a tattoo or some drippy disease? There are literally thousands of reasons to toss your junk around in the Rotunda.

LabRodent March 4, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Fox News and Dicks. Who knew?
Oooooh wait now i get it.

MinAgain March 4, 2011 at 4:48 pm

First time wearing a thong, buddy?

WhatTheHeck March 4, 2011 at 4:48 pm

most people who play pocket pool usually keep their hands in their pockets.

Tundra Grifter March 4, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Now we know why Donald Trump hates to shake hands.

aguacatero March 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Thank god the turkey shredder machine from the Palin video was nowhere on the scene, or this could have been an awful bloody tragedy.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I am actually kind of surprised; when I read someone exposed themselves to Megyn Kelly on Fox News, I assumed it was Bill O'Reilly.

phlox✔ March 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm

You can have his penis when you pry it from his cold,dead hand.

XOhioan March 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Forget him. The older woman (on the left, 0:40) is clearly taking a dump.

voodooeconomics March 4, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Hey look a Dem on Fox news who happens to be named Weiner. Lets show him what we think of him, trying to torpedo our shaft mining operation.

Steverino247 March 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Man, it's taking forever to get to 100 p…

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Changing your avatard to an unzipped fly would help make it easier to adjust your small p-ness.

Steverino247 March 4, 2011 at 6:13 pm

My p-ness is above average, my friend! 8)

Extemporanus March 4, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Oh, I'm sure it is, you "grower-not-a-shower", you. Probably just a little chilly in here, is all…

(Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually wearing a strap-on. Shhh!)

undeterredbyreality March 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Upfisting on behalf of all former 99ers. (I've been up, down, all around.)

Edit: "…on behalf of current 99ers…". All you gotta do is post too often and too late and too unfunny and you'll drop right down again. I gotta get a day job.

bitchincamaro2 March 4, 2011 at 6:25 pm

I prefer to hover forever in the mid-90's; there's much less pressure here.

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 5:20 pm

"Let us know if you recognize this fellow, though."

If we limit the discussion to Republicans who have a record of cock issues, let's see what is on offer by way of culprit and how likely.

Michael Steele. No.
Roy Ashburn. Probably not – he at least admitted it.
Mike Duvall. Possible. Keep him on the list.
Paul Stanley. You never know.
Mark Sanford. Keep him on the list.
John Ensign. He just acts like a dick.
Alan Berlin. Strong possibility. Although, the pecker didn't seem to be dressed up.

Jesus – I give up. I've only gone back 12 months. What is it with these people and their cocks?

Fuck Toad March 4, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Years ago, Fox News had a segment on that terrible internet porno menace where they had a graphic made up of various screenshots of porno sites.

They airbrushed or blurred every nipple or wing-wang, except for one image where you saw a gentleman's thingy just completely poking into a lady.

I have a clip of that somewhere around here. (Also, I have a clip of the Fox News bit.) I'm sure someone who isn't at work could find it on the liberal google with "fox news porn slip" or something.

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 5:28 pm
bagofmice March 5, 2011 at 4:23 am

I don't think Fox News has ever been accused of censoring their dicks. Weiners…

cheaphits March 4, 2011 at 5:26 pm

My friend the lipreader told me he's saying –

"Then Justice Thomas says…this is what us conservatives have to offer you…

And Justice Sotomayor said that looks like a dick…only smaller"

not that Dewey March 4, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I wish there were a TV channel consisting of nothing but "Things Lobbyists Do When They Think There are No Cameras Present". I would totally watch that.

undeterredbyreality March 4, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Can't you just rent "Scarface?"

bitchincamaro2 March 4, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Maybe he works for the TSA.

King_Quaker March 4, 2011 at 6:29 pm

The only thing I know for sure is that Megyn has recently had a cock in her mouth.

EdFlintstone March 4, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Lets see, you're in the capitol, with a camera facing you, yeah perfect time for a discreet readjustment.

LionelHutzEsq March 4, 2011 at 7:06 pm

But it’s unusual for a literal, anatomical penis to make to air on this teevee channel for families

I'm sorry, but have you forgotten about Dick Morris?

LionelHutzEsq March 4, 2011 at 7:06 pm

You know who else rummaged around and pulled out his penis on Fox News?

CUNextTuesday March 4, 2011 at 8:32 pm

…walking around the Fapitol.

/fixed

ttommyunger March 4, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Must be one of those Eye-tal-ians; they can't talk without using their hands.

UW8316154 March 4, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Matthew Patterson, is that you?

Walkinwiddaking March 5, 2011 at 5:21 pm

There must have been a Senator or Congressman in the area if he was grabbing for his package. Hey. Tell me I'm wrong.

denverite March 6, 2011 at 2:18 am

Hey! Great seeing Chris Dodd again!

Fare la Volpe March 6, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Well, I guess we found out how often he thinks about touching his private parts.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: