peers

Rick Perry Did Something To the President’s Dog

'We're both mammals, Bro, right?'
This dog always seemed like a real asshole to us. But now he has that look of sheer terror in his eyes like a man came up behind him and, well, interfered. WHAT DID YOU DO, PERRY?

We looked at more of Rick Perry’s Twitter. It seems he mostly uses it to post photos of dogs:

Hey look, a dog.

More dogs.

Another dog.

(Dog.)

Black dogs.

Brown dog.

Hey look, a dog.

You know, governor stuff. [Twitter]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Comments

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  • jjdaddyo

    Uh-oh, time for ASPCA: SVU….

  • Barbara_i

    Ah, ya idiot! The peanut butter goes on you and not the dog. Enjoy your Jiff Ricky!
    (I am giving myself a time out for this)

  • EdFlintstone

    Jesus christ Rick Santorum was right.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Growing up, Ricky did always bragged about all the tail he got…

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Those dogs are now suffering from PTSD.

  • http://kittenbomb.wordpress.com kittenbomb

    Bo’s like “He’s going to choke me. I’m telling you guys, this asshole’s going to choke me. Where’s the fucking Secret Service when you need them?”

  • BaldarTFlagass

    All dogs are fascists. I mean, anyone here ever seen a police cat?

    • MoeDeLawn

      Ya got it wrong, Baldar. Ambulance driver Walt Disney taught me that all cats are evil.

    • SorosBot

      Yes, in fact one that was assassinated:
      http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3061243.stm

      Rusik the cat was recruited by police at a checkpoint in the Stavropol region, bordering the Caspian Sea, to uncover illegal cargoes of the endangered fish.

      Police believe it was a contract killing, Russian Ren television reported.

      The cat was hit by a car in which he had found smuggled sturgeon some time before, the station reported.

      • Failure_Artist

        Wow, post-Soviet Russia is tough even on cats.

  • http://blogslut.com blogslut

    So which dog is the one he was defending when he blasted that evil coyote and left the carcass to rot?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      All of them, Katie.

  • SorosBot

    Obama should be careful in letting his political enemies around Bo; particularly keep Huckabee's kids away.

    • DaRooster

      "SQUIRREL!"

      • Beowoof

        Stir fried in the popcorn popper.

  • undeterredbyreality

    He's got a basset hound in there! A freakin' BASSET HOUND!

    What the hell is a basset anyway?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Tbogg would like it.

  • freakishlywrong

    I freakin' love those little hotdogs.

    • chicken_thief

      Well done, with mustard.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    What a thick, healthy, shiny pelt!

    And those dogs look pretty good too!

  • Come here a minute

    Perry likes dogs because they don't mind when he runs his fingers through their hair, or calls them bitches.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Or spends a half an hour licking their privates.

      (Heck, it saves them work.)

  • freakishlywrong

    I fuck dogs. #assholes

    verified

    Rick Perry

  • undeterredbyreality

    "Durh–this baseball bat is my penis, har har, and the guv just shat out a mulatto dog!

  • Gopherit

    It's widely known that Rick is not a fan of pussies.

    • nounverb911

      He's straight?

  • nounverb911

    Bo's walking funny now.

  • MinAgain

    You know what we'd be thinking, if he was posting pics of little kids on the playground…

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      "I bet Grant Storms would really like to see these"?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Where's Blondi?

    • Limeylizzie

      Oh Wookies with the Hitler reference, .

  • fartknocker

    OK, Rick the Prick likes dogs. Big deal. He also likes to shoot coyotes with his .38 while jogging on the trails surrounding his $9,900 month rental property which I am helping pay for since can't seem to get his mansion rebuilt.

    And yes, Rick is still an asshole.

    • nounverb911

      As soon as it's finished, the anarchists will just torch it again.

    • HistoriCat

      Rick has a lot of cronies – gotta make sure they all get a piece of the rebuilding action.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Yeeeaaah Ricky shot a coyote with a pistol, I'll believe it when I see it. Texan brag much?

      • ShaveTheWhales

        I think it had, like auto-LIDAR targeting or something.

  • MiniMencken

    Black lab. Check. Yellow Lab. Check. Chocolate Lab. Check. Wait! Where is the Meth Lab in that series?

  • BornInATrailer

    "Oh, I see Scraps is a boy dog."

  • Schmannnity

    Which one is the First Lady of Texas?

  • http://andrewdrinker.wordpress.com andrewdrinker

    Doesn't the governor of Texas only work 140 days per year anyway? Lots of time to bond with every single dog in the state of Texas…

  • chicken_thief

    Ricky seems to favor the brownz and blacks…

  • Hatrabbit

    Luckily, Perry was able to 'Secede' before the cameras got there.

  • Chillwaver

    "Is Rick Perry gonna have to choke a bitch?"

  • Extemporanus

    It's nice to see Governor Petter finally showing some unwelcome fur affection for something other than people.

    • jim89048

      Beat me to it. By 4 hours.

  • Extemporanus

    The little guy he's teabagging in the fourth photo down looks embarrassed as all get out.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The Secret Service agent who was in charge of Bo's protection detail is now heading up the office at Bagram in Iraq, checking the orange jumpsuits of detainees for contraband.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Should be hand checking the fecal matter of detainees for contraband.

  • jus_wonderin

    I have a doxie too. Loving. Willfull. But, I'd rather have an independant one that the dependant ones.

  • jus_wonderin

    "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Rick Perry, blah, blah, blah."

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Larson ftw.

  • moralturpentine

    His personal peanut butter budget must be huge, though I imagine he somehow manages to charge it to the state budget.

  • jus_wonderin

    The Bassett is laughing its head off at Rick's Trucknutz.

  • Limeylizzie

    I love that BoBama dog, he is adorabe, but he looks as if he's been rogered swiftly from behind in that picture.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Given how he normally behaves (Bo, not Perry) he didn't appreciate the man trying to hold him back.

    • Amo_of_Bogio

      Just love that… "rogered' hee hee

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      It's not often you see a dog looking completely mortified.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Do I sense a Blingee contest in the offing?

  • emmelemm

    The dachshund is the cutest one (imho).

  • lochnessmonster

    Will we be seeing Rick Perry on Animal Hoarders soon?

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    "This dog always seemed like a real asshole to us…"

    Bo is such a sweet dog! You can tell he is really Michelle's dog. I go searching the youtubes for Bo stuff. I fell in love with him last year when he hung around Michelle's legs for an hour when she received guests Jan 20, 2010. Love him. (But my dog of choice is Collie/Sheltie.)

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      That was pretty awesome video, peoples reactions to the FLOTUS are cool to watch.

  • DoktorZoom

    Aww, who's a sucky governor? Is it YOU? Is it YOU?

  • PublicLuxury

    I don't like him touching those innocent annimals like he is. I'm calling the ASPCA. Fuckin' Freak

  • JoeBiteme

    The fact that he obviously likes dogs makes me hate him a bit less. Please remove this at once.

    • Troubledog

      It's like when Newt got all sentimental at Easter. For a second, it was like he was a human with feelings and needs. I hate the cognitive dissonance.

    • iburl

      Maybe this can offset your temporary pangs of human compassion…

      Perry wants to lay off 1/3 of Texas teachers… 100,000 teachers in all:
      http://www.businessweek.com/ap/financialnews/D9LO

      Vouchers anyone?

      • JoeBiteme

        Yup, that did it. I'm over it.

  • ttommyunger

    I see a shallow, heartless fuck using dogs as a prop to soften his image. Nothing to see here, move along.

  • Sophist[ArsPunetica]

    We looked at more of Rick Perry’s Twitter. It seems he mostly uses it to post photos of dogs:

    Making it one of the most coherent and least embarrassing republican authored twitter feeds on the net.

  • iburl

    It's pretty relaxing with the dogs, out on the ranch. So much better than that downtown, cramped governor's mansion anyway. Plus you get to shoot wild animals on the driveway. Yup.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Smells like Up Dog in here.

  • mumbly_joe

    I think it's safe to assume that Bo is angling to be Rick Perry's running mate in the 2012 race.

    NOBOBAMA

  • chickensmack

    The grainy image, lack of a computer on every desk, and Rick's Butt Cut makes me think that photo was from 1986.

  • Negropolis

    Odd that he posts dogs on his Twitter, because he allegedly has a boot fetish, and a bad habit of running his fingers through other peoples' (read: strangers') hair.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    The photo with the three Labbies (1) is insanely cute; (2) has me thinking badgerbadgerbadger.

  • miss_grundy

    Poor, poor Beau, he has to have that ugly Republican kneeling next to him. I love Beau Obama!!!!!