revolutionary ideas

AZ Tea Party Senators Want Tea Party License Plates To Benefit Tea Party

Add 50 years and 200 pounds and you've got an Arizona teabagger.No legislative body in WORLD HISTORY has compared to the greatness of the Republican/Tea Party-led Arizona state senate, which bravely responded to Jared Loughner’s slaughter in Tucson by creating an official state handgun and also legalizing loaded handguns at all public events. But the Arizona Senate Republicans have proved they stand for more than just slaughtering children and shooting holes through the brains of Democratic politicians — the Tea Party members of the AZ state senate are creating brave new ways of legislating financial support for the Arizona Tea Party!

On Thursday, Arizona Republicans introduced SB 1402, to create special “Don’t Tread On Me” Tea Party license plates that old white people can buy to put on their Ford Excursions so they can be assholes in every possible way while burning gasoline bought from Arab dictatorships on their way to CostCo. And the Tea Party will get $17 from every $25 “special license plate” — so the government will actually be paying the Tea Party to continue bravely battling the use or collection of money by the government!

The Arizona Daily Star reports:

What’s behind the plates is money: Of every $25 additional annual fee paid to the state, $17 goes to the benefiting organization for its own programs. In this case, a committee of five people, all of whom would have links to tea parties, would divide up the proceeds.

But Senate President Russell Pearce, R-Mesa, denied anything about it is political.

Ha ha, there’s nothing political about funneling money from a state’s DMV to a political party! Stop shitting on the Constitution, Democrats! [AZ Daily Star]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I see you mentioned the Grand Canyon in the earlier AZ post. Guess great minds think alike — or more like there's nothing else of any value in that god forsaken state worth saving.

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          I'm sure there are plenty of beautiful places to see in AZ. I would love to visit there, but just not sure I want to visit somewhere where I could get shot because I scared someone when I tapped them on the shoulder in IHOP to ask to borrow their salt. Disneyworld may be horrible & commercial but, at least they don't encourage parents to pack heat.

      1. Beowoof

        Some enterprising weapons manufacturer could start selling car to car missles. They would sell out in Arizona.

  1. aguacatero

    You call it what you want. I call it what it is: A NEW TAX!

    Don't Tread on Me, "Don't Tread on Me"

    1. LesBontemps

      You're right, the $25 additional fee It is essentially a tax on stoopid; nothing wrong with that, per se, except that rather than using the money to help the afflicted, it's going to create more of them. Who will then pay more stoopid tax … Wait, I see where this is going.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Like the lottery, it's a voluntary tax on stupidity. Man, I am using the word "stupid" a lot today. What is up with that?

      1. DoktorZoom

        Let's see…Wonkette posts on Scott Walker, Huckabee, Arizona, Arizona, Walker, Walker…

        Dude, you've found the most apropos adjective du jour here.

    3. Ruhe

      Yeah! If the AZ legislature had real balls they'd privatize vehicle licensing or better yet do away with vehicle registration altogether! Get outta my Hyundai Obama!

    4. Lost_Teabaggers

      Yes….I always found that kind of hilariously paranoid about teabaggers….their whole "Don't Tread on May" thing was because of taxes when NO ONE was trying to raise taxes on old middle class/ old poor people. It's delicious irony when the unwashed masses are willing to disrupt their own lives so massa knows how much they love him by standing by him……as he secretely uses their entire pension to buy a whore diamond for his trophy 5th wife.

      1. GOPCrusher

        I think it's cute that a few of them still cling to that TEA=Taxed Enough Already meme.

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    $17 out of $25?! Shit, that's more than Girl Scouts get for hawking those circular masses of transfat (ahem…I mean delicious & healthy peanut butter & chocolate).

    Wonkette is just killing my TGIF buzz. Will the last person in AZ with a brain (that doesn't have a hole in it) remember to bring the Grand Canyon with them?

        1. Steverino247

          I asked her that. She giggled and said, "Grampa!" Besides, she's a Daisy, so no threat to her personally until she's older.

          1. Terry

            There was an elderly man in our neighborhood would would make the same joke. He lived in a house surrounded by trees at the end of a long driveway. He also raised donkeys (nice!) and guinea keets (mean!). My sister and I were the only two girl scouts willing to run the guinea keet gauntlet…walk down the long driveway. When we range his bell, he was so happy to see us, made the same jokes every year, and always bought about a dozen boxes of cookies. Very much worth braving the evil old keets.

      1. Ken Layne

        Yeah but they are loaded with every other kind of shit. I bought my last order this year — the peanut butter cookies have something like 300 calories, almost all from palm oil (earth rape-y) and other fat.

        Also, real food should not have 50 ingredients. We get great cookies from the bakery that are made of flour, sugar, eggs, chocolate, etc. … six or seven ingredients. You can eat one or two and not feel death crawling up to strangle your heart and cancer-ize your colon.

        1. Steverino247

          I heartily agree with you there, Ken. The best cookies have stuff you can find in your cupboard, not in your lab. Unless the lab got up on the table and ate them. Bad dog!

      2. Texan_Bulldog

        That makes me feel better about the 2,200 boxes our little troop of 9 sold to the behemoths and slobs on their Hoverrounds coming in and out of the Walgreens stores we sold in front of.

  3. nounverb911

    "to create special “Don’t Tread On Me” Tea Party license plates that old white people can buy to put on their Ford Excursions so they can be assholes in every possible way while burning gasoline bought from Arab dictatorships on their way to CostCo"
    With the price of gas going the way it, they soon won't be able to drive.

    1. V572625694

      Not not worry, they're already asking that man in the White House to empty out the strategic petroleum reserve. Sure, we might need it for jet fuel in a war, but cheap gas is important!

      1. Beowoof

        The sad part is the oil price spikes are being driven, again, by Wall Street speculators. Saudi Arabia has already said they could and would make up for any lost production from Lybia.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Why doesn't the AZ legislature consolidate their stupidity and just have teabaggers sport a snub-nosed .38 on the back of their cars instead of license plates?

  5. walstib

    When the Revolution comes, it'll be an easy way to round 'em up so this is a good thing, right?

    1. cheetojeebus

      I'm more inclined to believe a sort of modern day Lt. Aldo Raine would make it a tad bit easier to sort them out?

    1. freakishlywrong

      They've "privatized" their prisons. All of Brwer's cronies got a slice of that pie..

      1. V572625694

        The Free Market triumphs again. I hope they have two or three competing prison systems who have to bid on each convict.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Step right up, step right up! We have got us a wonderful fit, young negro heeya! Has all his teeth, excellent physicality, perfect for picking cotton pressing license plates! Do I hear $200 to start?

      2. andrewdrinker

        Sooo…privatized institutions (corporations) in place of the government…

        i can't quite Figure out why thAt Sounds familiar, maybe there's a term we're aCquaInted with that could SuMmarize it….

      1. Beowoof

        I do keep hoping that if someone was being banged with Rock, Arpaio would be involved.

  6. Steverino247

    Harpoon them and render down their blubber for oil to be used in lanterns.

    "Spanish Gold for the Great White Teabagger!"

  7. freakishlywrong

    They're busy today in Tardizona. They've also voted to nullify federal law. Can we just completely federally defund them and ignore their whimpering for food and water until it just fades away?

    1. V572625694

      Dear Mexico,

      We're sorry we annexed two thirds of your country in 1846. It made sense at the time, because we needed more slave states. Now things have changed. Would you like certain parts of it back, no questions asked?

      The United States of America.

      1. HistoriCat

        Dear United States of America,

        No. Unless you throw in Natalie Portman.

        Your put-upon neighbor,

    2. the_onceler

      I think they're jealous that they weren't a state during the glorious Confederacy era.

  8. donner_froh

    Wait a minute…

    In this case, a committee of five people, all of whom would have links to tea parties, would divide up the proceeds.

    So I can get four other people to form a committee with me, we come up with a license plated design. The state of Arizona takes care of all the production and distribution expenses and gives us $17 for every plate they sell.

    A good slogan might be "I luv cute kittens" or "Kill the Messicans".

    Easy money from AZ!

    1. SorosBot

      Knowing that pisses me off even more about those "choose life" plates; the state may be literally helping to fund terrorism there.

  9. Barbara_i

    They should change their state motto to:
    Arizona, we're a bunch of fucktards and we aren't going to stop until everyone knows it.

    1. chicken_thief

      Scott Walker must be shittin' bricks – why the fuck can AZ do all this jammin stuff and I can't even squash the godamn public employee union?!!!

  10. fuflans

    so we can funnel money thru the AZ state to pay for a political party but we can't funnel money thru the WI state to pay for salaries that might be used to fund a political party?

    wait what?

    1. Beowoof

      I was thinking this was state sanctioned political fund raising for one party. The one that already has most of the money and wants to continue to fuck me in the ass.

  11. SorosBot

    And here I thought the "Don't tread on me" license was a tribute to its creator, Ben Franklin, the liberal atheist scientist fornicator.

    1. Beowoof

      Don't get them confused with any facts. And Franklin was also big with that post office thing.

  12. OneDollarJuana

    The extreme right will not be happy until we live in a corporate theocratic feudal state. What the masses who support the leaders don't understand is that once they destroy our civilization there won't be any Rascals or Hoverounds to ride on, even if they could afford them.

    1. mavenmaven

      but the Party will be pleased and that's more important than one's personal needs. For the Party is above all (ubber alles).

      1. CZL

        Well, the Taliban believe that supreme religious truth was revealed by this one dude from the Middle East… and the Christians think it was another dude from the Middle East.

      2. OneDollarJuana

        The Taliban is less corporate-y. Hell, they don't even believe in interest on loans. I think they'll be happy to return to the middle ages, just as long as they get to keep their Kalashnikovs, a likely scenario, as those guns just seem to last forever, and the arms manufacturers have already made so much ammo it should last a while.

    2. PubOption

      And the teabaggers will still talk about their freedoms, which I think are limited to the freedom to agree with them, and the freedom to carry a gun.

  13. mereoblivion

    So Macbeth's driving down the street in Phoenix one day and suddenly he notices the license plate on the SUV in front of him and whispers, "Is this a 'bagger which I see before me?"

  14. nounverb911

    Considering the poor health of so many of the AZ olds, the motto could be:
    "Eat Cheese and Die".

  15. RedneckMuslin

    This is a good idea. You want to specially tag your assholes. We did it in Indiana with our "In God We Trust" license plates. Identifying the pricks is the first step.

  16. OneDollarJuana

    In the spirit of "justifiable homicide for abortion doctor killing" legislation proposed elsewhere, I propose we add "vehicular homicide does not apply when victim displays license plate as specified in SB 1402" to the bill.

  17. DoktorZoom

    Jesus H Tapdancing Christ on a Hoverround, Ken, between Jack's trio of "Assholes harass Muslins" stories yesterday and your diptych of Arizona fucktardedness, I'm headed into the weekend with a serious downer.

    Is Wonkette receiving under-the-table kickbacks from makers of antidepressants?

    1. Ken Layne

      If whisky is an antidepressant, then the answer is YES … but only if by "kickbacks" you mean, "we are going to buy some and drink it."

      1. DoktorZoom

        You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey:

        If when you say whiskey you mean the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.

        But, if when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

        This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.

        Noah S. "Soggy" Sweat, Mississippi State Legislator, on ending prohibition in that state (1952)

        (But you knew that, Ken–I know a shoutout when I see one)

    2. SorosBot

      Or maybe alcohol companies – hm they did run those big ads for Megs McCain's book a while back…

  18. Oblios_Cap

    I bet that tag will look good on BrisTool's methmobile when she moves into her new digs!

    1. prommie

      Is it true that she moved so she could attend the online classes at the University of Phoenix?

  19. GuyClinch

    A Tea Party plate, huh? Well, everything needs its opposite, so therefore I propose that all states offer a Wonkette plate, and Ken and Jack and Riley, et al, can divide up the money amongst themselves for rail liquor and stuff, with quarterly dividends paid to commenters, so we can have some rail liquor too.

    1. DoktorZoom

      And the motto on the plate should be "If you can read this, someone's stolen my TruckNutz"

  20. DustBowlBlues

    A guy in our parts is running for mayor of a little town called Pawnee–I'm not sure if it was inspiration for "Parks and Recreation." Nah, it wasn't. The Baptist preacher evidently has a sign for him in front of the parsonage–guy running found Christ at the Baptist church and now sports a giant rhinestone cross, just a little time before he decided to run. What a coincidence.

    I understand from a friend that the guy in question has big but rather clumsily done tatts, which evidently inspired someone to check his background. Oh, and he's black. Definitely makes him a suspect, right?

    Turns out, he did a stretch, guest of the Arizona Department of Corrections, for a drive by shooting. But says he will get a pardon, so it's cool. (The Baptists are evidently hanging tight, even though the guy got out of the pokey in 2006).

    I told my husband the only way a black guy could get a pardon in Arizona for a driveby would be if he'd shot a Mexican.

    Thanks, folks. I'll be here all week. Except, it's all gospel. Just not the Baptist gospel in this case.

    1. SorosBot

      A Rhinestone cross? The guy must worship the Gay Jesus, and openly; that sounds very progressive for your neck of the woods.

    2. EdFlintstone

      I don' think you need a pardon in Arizona for shooting a Mexican because it's not a crime.

  21. Troubledog

    Real Tea Party American Patriots don't license their vehicles, as there is no requirement for vehicle licensing in the Constitution.

    1. ph7

      They need something to keep all the undocumented brown people they lock up busy. Pressing out metal plates in the prison workshop seems like the right fit.

  22. arihaya

    I will support the legislation if and only if "to Benefit Tea Party" means helping them pay for their mental health care

    1. cheaphits

      I have another idea here, "Tea" is a 1940ish slang for the ganj. Under current U.S. drug and conspiracy laws shouldn't that be enough to put them in prison for 10 to 20?

      Let them get their "mental health" needs attended to in the slams like most people do.

  23. Chillwaver

    Perfect – now you'll be able to tell exactly whether it's a Teatard driving a Hummer or simply just a old fat asshole driving a Hummer…wait…what's the difference again?

  24. spinozasgod

    I beileve the plates qualify for handi-capped parking privleges……although being too stupid to drive should actually prohibit them from driving in the first place….

  25. prommie

    What, no "Christian" license plate? How about "White, Male, Christian" license plates? Lets go whole hog!

  26. ttommyunger

    "…legalizing loaded handguns at all public events." Well, that's one less charge against Jared Loughner, way to go, Arizona!

  27. PsycWench

    If the Virginia Democratic party sponsored similar legislation, I'm sure no one would accuse the sponsors of being political in any way, shape or form. It would probably make Ken Cuccinelli's head explode, so I'll work on it this weekend.

  28. Fare la Volpe

    If only, because if the Democrats are the one leading it, the worst that'll happen is the baggers'll sign a form to politely not say mean things about the revolution if they don't mind and it's not too much trouble thank you.

    1. the_onceler

      or provide some extra budget cuts to social programs to get them to come to the table.

  29. chicken_thief

    I wonder if Hayworth will beat McCain to be first in line, thereby solidifying his bonefides to primary him again…

  30. carlgt1

    I appropve as long as they are also required to hang mandatory truck nuts on their vehicle….

  31. Winnie_Cooper

    I saw a pro-life license plate once in downtown Philly, but I can't remember which state it was from. It was accompanied by two bumper stickers: "McCain/Palin '08" and (I am *not* making this up) "Chastity is for Lovers."

  32. Lost_Teabaggers

    Stew-pid librul, Az mullets will never do anything for peeese! Seriously though, I wonder which kind of mull populates Arizona?

    I'm thinking maybe the Pulltriot?

    Further down the list you'll find the template for teabaggin' women…the Mulltant.

  33. Redhead

    The Constitution doesn't say anything about license plates so it MUST be legal! quit taking my freedumbs!1!1!1!1!1

    When did the tea party become an actual legitimate thing? When did they go from drawing uncontrollable laughter to actually being taken seriously – and not just seriously but as a separate political group instead of the puppet of the extremist/insane Republicans trying to make "the grassroots people" feel like they were standing up for themselves instead of just further supporting the same agenda which has for decades made the Republicans prosperous at the expense of these people?

    How is it possible for such a small group of people to throw such a loud tantrum that they manage to distract everyone from the fact that they are GREATLY in the minority?

  34. Beetagger

    I was planning to move to Flagstaff for a teaching job this year. No more. Too fuckin' crazy for me.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Flagstaff is actually one of the sane parts of the state. Of course, it is still governed from Phoenix, so there ya go.

  35. Doktor Avalanche

    So, the gubmint will pay proceeds to Baggits to undermine the gubmint… What a country!

  36. BlueStateLibel

    This clearly violates our Constitution's Separation of State and Retards mandate.

  37. joeto2

    don't put down costco – they are actually kinda liberal, at least as far as large corporations go.

  38. MegPasadena

    "…while burning gasoline bought from Arab dictatorships on their way to CostCo."

    Accoding to the beggers, CostCo is for the liberals. They go to Sam's Club instead.

  39. assistantatlas

    Stories like this just make me thank my lucky stars I'm from Kansas, which, while a retarded state, is at least quiet and not overly retarded about it. Thanks, Arizona! And Wisconsin. And South Carolina. And Texas. And Ohio. And Orange County.

  40. Respitetini

    Fair enough. Canadians were able to provide their constituency with health care, after all.

  41. Weenus299

    You're wearing this Arizona schtick out, Ken. If this keeps up I may bypass teh wonkett (and the nifty advertizementz) and go straight to the TeaTard State's hot sheets.

  42. Pragmatist2

    Here is the truth:
    The Tea Party is a loose collection of white male losers brought together by one common theme – "It is somebody else's fault that we are losers" and led by loud and vacuous women whom they find sexually attractive.
    Everything else is a detail.

  43. HistoriCat

    Read the Wonkette pieces about his "followers" and was just too ashamed to come out.

  44. horsedreamer_1

    This story reminds me:

    I never heard this when Scott Walker first got elected County Executive — of course, when he took office, I was already somewhere in the Munti Carpatii — but the Crazy Shepherd newspaper mentioned it in the last week's protest coverage: Scott Walker attempted to obtain free office-space in the County Courthouse for the corporate front-organization Citizens for Responsible Government (which led the recall drive that put Walker in office).

    Note: CRG is three people, officially.

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