IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  7:38 am March 4, 2011

Pervert Army People Love Watching Bradley Manning Get Naked

by Riley Waggaman

Quantico Gone Wild!

  • Devious Lady GaGa CD-RW terrorist Bradley Manning was charged yesterday with “aiding the enemy,” which is punishable by death. (Hillary Clinton will sit on him until he dies.) In the meantime, the Army has decided that Bradley Manning needs to take off his clothes and then stand around naked in his prison cell for hours, all sexy-like. Why would the Army people force Brad to do this? There’s a perfectly logical explanation, according to a Marine spokesman: “It would be inappropriate for me to explain it … I can confirm that it did happen, but I can’t explain it to you without violating the detainee’s privacy.” In Army Land it’s totally okay to forcibly remove Bradley Manning’s clothes and then leave him naked in a prison cell for seven hours. But explaining why this is okay? Jeebus, that’s a serious violation of the detainee’s privacy! [NYT]
  • China’s military spending will increase by 12.7% to 601.1 billion yuan ($91.5 billion), up from 532.1 billion yuan last year. The United States spent a meager $1 trillion or so on “defense” in fiscal year 2010. China is catching up! We must start throwing money at superfluous weapons programs, like the F-69 Tactical Fingerbanger and, uh, smart bombs that can play Jeopardy. [BBC]
  • Here is a news article about grocery store shopping carts and feces. (Specifically: how grocery store shopping carts are lathered in feces.) Yummy in the tummy! [Fox News]
 
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{ 183 comments }

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 7:42 am

The J-721 Fartbox Tongue Puncher weapons system is expected to experience serious cost overruns in research, development, and production.

Early bird today, eh Riley?

harry_palmer March 4, 2011 at 8:28 am

He does look a bit like Lyndie England with a sex change.

(I thought I was responding to your next comment about Bradley Manning)

CapeClod March 4, 2011 at 9:33 am

When is the Army just going to start building "invisible" weapons? That way they can charge billions of dollars, never build anything, and our enemies will be terrified of them because they don't know what they look like.

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 9:35 am

You'd think Wonder Woman from SuperFriends could have helped them out with that.

CapeClod March 4, 2011 at 9:39 am

Well, now that they've repealed DADT… Just sayin'.

jim89048 March 4, 2011 at 11:51 am

Gotta love those invisible lesbians, eh?

V572625694 March 4, 2011 at 9:45 am

This is such an ignorant question. If there are no actual defense contractors, where are the generals going to get jobs when they "retire" into their real jobs, getting more work from the Department of Defense for defense contractors?

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 7:43 am

In Army Land it’s totally okay to forcibly remove Bradley Manning’s clothes and then leave him naked in a prison cell for seven hours.

It's worked very well for them at Abu Ghraib, Bagram, and Guantanamo, so why not Quantico? That's kinda foreign-sounding too.

Negropolis March 4, 2011 at 7:54 am

I don't know what you're complaining about. We could have easily outsourced our torture like we usually do. This time, we're creating American jobs on American soil! I guess this is all part of Obama's new focus on job creation, bless his weak-willed heart.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:00 am

Hazing is a long-standing military tradition that goes back to the days of the American revolution (Hell, probably all the way back to the Peloponnesian War). It's just a bunch of youngsters having a lark, a little harmless fun!

Negropolis March 4, 2011 at 8:04 am

So long as the cadet/prisoner remembers the safe word…

arcane_allusion March 4, 2011 at 9:37 am

What's the problem?

They stopped as soon as he shouted "green balloons!!!"

HistoriCat March 4, 2011 at 9:38 am

It's because we ended DADT, isn't it?

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 9:41 am

One person's hazing is another person's HOT CFNM PR0NZ!!!!!!

trampndirtdown March 4, 2011 at 9:21 am

Well stacking prisoners is no fun when they have clothes on.

jim89048 March 4, 2011 at 11:52 am

US Army: A pile of One!

proudgrampa March 4, 2011 at 7:45 am

Re: Shopping Carts. I knew there was a reason I didn't want to get out of bed today.

MildMidwesterner March 4, 2011 at 9:06 am

I, too, have been rolled home in a shopping cart after drinking three too many at the Hawk & Dove.

Terry March 4, 2011 at 9:19 am

Of course, the irony is that it's the people who are putting their kids with the crappy diapers in the shopping cart seat who are wiping the handle before the kid goes in. They should be wiping the cart down AFTERWARD.

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

That would require less selfishness, which is kind of a PROBLEM these days with brats being raised by brats.

(No, not sausage, you fat shit!)

weejee March 4, 2011 at 7:46 am

Bradley looks like he had a full-body Brazilian wax job & his lips are movin'. Das a terrorist fer sure.

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

Maybe a DISCO DANCEFLOOR TERRORIST!

*sizzle*

freakishlywrong March 4, 2011 at 7:47 am

How the hell does feces get on shopping carts? What's the conduit? I'm not clicking no Fux News link.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 7:55 am

The link is not very informative, written to the level of Fox's audience, I reckon. I'm blaming this shit on parents putting their little kids in those seat-y things by the push handle at the back of the cart. Nothing teems with bacteria like a little kid. Little kids should be put in the convenient storage rack below the cart basket. Of course then there's no room for your 30-pack of Milwaukee's Beast Light.

the_problem_child March 4, 2011 at 7:59 am

Of course it's the little shits.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 8:10 am

I knew there was a good reason to avoid using those stupid things (besides the fact that a full shopping-card load of groceries is too big to carry back to my apartment, that is). Yeah, the fact that parents allow their little germ machines to crawl all over those things is disgusting just thinking about it, without getting into the deep implications like these.

And the ones that don't let their disgusting spawn shit all over the carts let them race all around the store, screaming their heads off, opening packages (that the parents won't ever pay for), and annoying the shit out of the rest of us. Why do these people who don't know how to use a condom always inflict their little monsters on those of use who do in public? (See also; restaurants, trains & planes).

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:22 am

Me, is that you?

The parents should just leave the kids in the car while they shop.

Oblios_Cap March 4, 2011 at 8:30 am

With the windows up. That'll toughen up the little feces-flingers!

Barbara_i March 4, 2011 at 8:50 am

Hey, hey, hey! That's bullshit to suggest that. Damn, what's wrong with you? I love my new car that Santa gave me and I don't want it filled with baby booties and cooties. I forgive ya. Let's hug it out.

Ducksworthy March 4, 2011 at 9:59 am

Gawd you old geezers are pathetic. Just do what I do. If the kiddies get in your way just flick them aside with your walker. That what the lower bar is for.

jim89048 March 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Unfortunately, that must be considered post-natal abortion by the same 'tards that insist women must carry a fetus to term in all circumstances. Down in Vegas they recently convicted some parents of manslaughter because they left Jr. strapped into his car seat out in the Lexus SUV for 17 hours. See? They DO care about post-fetal America!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 4, 2011 at 8:40 am

While standing in line at some Anus Burger Distribution Center I was being subjected to a mother’s large brood of noisy little nasties. After a while I turned and looked at the monsters and then her and said “Thanks for reminding me not to put off that vasectomy any longer.” She didn’t have much of a sense of humor.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:53 am

"If you've got more than two, you should no longer screw."

Barbara_i March 4, 2011 at 8:59 am

I was in the store and some kid was playing kickball with his brother and wouldn't let me pass. I would stop and he would stop and then I would go to step and he'd launch the ball. I looked at his mom and she grunted at me for interrupting little Pele` and his brother. I pointed to them and asked her, "seriously, THIS is the best you could do?" I thought she was going to toss a can of Beanee Weenee at me after I passed.

trampndirtdown March 4, 2011 at 9:26 am

Also too fucking strollers.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 9:28 am

At the airport.

V572625694 March 4, 2011 at 9:49 am

You mean Baby-Utility Vehicles, of course. They keep getting bigger and bigger, and their mommy-"drivers" use them like plows to clear space for themselves

FNMA March 4, 2011 at 8:41 am

If it's written on Fox News level, I would guess that they somehow blame it on the Mexicans.

BornInATrailer March 4, 2011 at 9:48 am

I only had to scan through 26 comments before I found this:

"Yes, we were all taught basic hygiene in grade,middle,high school here in the U.S. Not all countries do the same…."

While not specifically Mexican, I'm fairly confident in my jump-to-conclusions mat.

EDIT: And then I scanned too far and found a very specific thread. Fox comments, you never/always disappoint!

BornInATrailer March 4, 2011 at 9:58 am

"The carts are smeared with anchor baby manure."

That one is too perfect. Which one of your wrote that?

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 9:44 am

Oh, it's even better. It's a USA Today article that Fox News is sharing. Meeting of the minds!!!!

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 8:21 am

"What's the conduit?"

People licking the carts.

Weenus299 March 4, 2011 at 9:54 am

My son has an autism spectral condition, and a major issue with his butt. Further, he insists on holding onto the shopping cart when I get groceries. That's ass short an answer as I can give you.

freakishlywrong March 4, 2011 at 7:49 am

And again. Who's the "enemy" here? The countries with whom we have diplomatic relations?

Mahousu March 4, 2011 at 8:53 am

The enemy is our own worst impulses, which the whole Wikileaks thing is obviously feeding into. Torture cannot happen without someone to be tortured. So, in a way, is not the torturee just as responsible as the torturer? More so, even, as the torturee is probably not thinking of the good of the country while being tortured.

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 9:46 am

Cheese and crackers, I didn't know Rumsfeld liked Wonkette!

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 7:50 am

What about them little shopping baskets I use when I only have to pick up a few items? Are they smeared with excrement too?

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 7:56 am

You put items for purchase in those baskets?

Oops.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:01 am

You bastard! I hope you don't shop at my local H-E-B.

jus_wonderin March 4, 2011 at 9:50 am

I love to rub my basket on those baskets!!!

freakishlywrong March 4, 2011 at 8:12 am

"It puts the feces in the basket…"

jus_wonderin March 4, 2011 at 9:51 am

And the lime in the coconut??

trampndirtdown March 4, 2011 at 9:28 am

Just use your commie recyclable tote bag pinko.

JackDempsey1 March 4, 2011 at 7:51 am

Is there video of the nakedness?
Because if someone leaked said video to Assange, and he posted them on wikileaks, then the circle of irony would be unbroken.
AND we get to see a naked person on the web (a bonus).

DashboardBuddha March 4, 2011 at 8:01 am

Be careful for what you ask for. What if one of his guards looks like Lyndee Englund?

Negropolis March 4, 2011 at 7:52 am

China's just preparing to collect. Meh. I, for one, welcome our brutal, Han Chinese overlords.

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 9:29 am

I doubt they'll be much worse than our current overlords. If my Chinese friends fathers (ie., overlords) are any indication, it will probably just be a renewed emphasis on getting good grades and possibly practicing an instrument.

V572625694 March 4, 2011 at 9:52 am

A friend who does business in China says capitalism there makes American-style business look like a Montessori school.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 9:58 am

I'm just glad I was raised before this "Tiger Mom" shit came about.

jim89048 March 4, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Is that where the tiger's blood dripping from Charlie Sheen's fangs came from? I'd be OK with that.

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 7:53 am

"Yummy in the tummy! [Fox News]"

Yeah, but you sent us to Fox, so now it's Insane in the membrane.

neiltheblaze March 4, 2011 at 7:58 am

It's perfectly appropriate that the Marines would protect the privacy of the sadistic, Abu-Ghraib inspired perverts making Private Manning strip and stay naked in his solitary confinement cell for their sick amusement.

USA! USA! USA! For FREEDOM!

HistoriCat March 4, 2011 at 9:42 am

Proud to be an American!

Negropolis March 4, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Lee Greenwood (remixed): And, I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free…for now.

Oblios_Cap March 4, 2011 at 7:59 am

“It would be inappropriate for me to explain it … I can confirm that it did happen, but I can’t explain it to you without violating the detainee’s privacy.”

The ability to torture logic like that is why all members of our Armed Forces are heroes and better human beings than civilians like you and me.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:16 am

That's just the officers and senior enlisted (E-7 and up). They have a 2-week course in Pretzel Logic (for the Air Force, it's conducted at the Air Force Institute of Technology at Wright-Patterson AFB in Dayton), with annual refresher training available online at the Advanced Distributed Learning Service portal at https/www.my.af.mil.
.

Oblios_Cap March 4, 2011 at 8:26 am

I attended USAFA back in the 70's (2 years and out). I saw that shit everyday, up close and personal. And that was when the women were just being admitted and the sexual assaults were ongoing, but neatly covered up, but before the fundies turned the place into a total mental institution.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:35 am

On occasion I am tasked with mentoring a young 2LT or 1LT for a few months. It's particularly horrible when I get an Academy ringknocker.
"Let's go have a drink."
"I'd like to, sir, but I've got Bible Study tonight, and tomorrow's no good either because we're going to get together to sing hymns. Would you care to join me?"
"Uh, no, it just occurred to me I've got to get home and feed the dogs and water the cactus."
I did ruin/corrupt one of them, though, to my eternal pride.
The ROTC kids are a lot more fun.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 8:37 am

It would only violate his privacy if the reasons were consensual, and I'm pretty fucking sure that's not the case here.

Chet Kincaid March 4, 2011 at 9:17 am

It's not "torturing logic," it's putting logic into "stress positions" in order to obtain information that reality would not otherwise disclose.

V572625694 March 4, 2011 at 9:53 am

Don't you love how the word "inappropriate" is now synonymous with "not in my interest"?

Beetagger March 4, 2011 at 10:11 am

Support the troops! Booyah! Especially the naked one.

EdFlintstone March 4, 2011 at 8:02 am

Do the gaurds drink shots off his ass?

cheaphits March 4, 2011 at 8:12 am

I bet that wasn't taped, and if it was, won't be shown, it would violate their buttcrack-shot-drinking privacy

Negropolis March 4, 2011 at 8:03 am

BTW, many a man (and quite a few women) would pay top dollar to be crushed by a Hillary Clinton.

LesBontemps March 4, 2011 at 8:03 am

Alt-alt-text: Poker face.

DashboardBuddha March 4, 2011 at 8:03 am

"I can confirm that it did happen, but I can’t explain it to you without violating the detainee’s privacy."

Evil it may be…but this is such a fine example of military/industrial orwellian doublespeak that I may weep at the exquisite purity. I would still like to punch the fuckwad who said this in the mouth though.

Plowmon March 4, 2011 at 8:07 am

Does the army use firing squads these days?

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:19 am

garrotte.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

Garrotte.

Oblios_Cap March 4, 2011 at 8:28 am

They still use the circular ones; tradition and all that, you know…

GOPCrusher March 4, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Drawn and quartered.

DashboardBuddha March 4, 2011 at 8:12 am

Shit smeared shopping carts: Here's a thought…everything is smeared with something. I read an article a few years ago about the presence of bodily fluids in hotel rooms. You might not be surprised at what was found on the ceilings of the local Holiday Inn. Impressed maybe…but not surprised. Let's take this a step forward. EVERYTHING has always been smeared with something, for forever. How is it we are not all dead?

Here's the irony. We're reaching levels of germ phobia that would make Howard Hughes say "oh come now". We're furiously wiping, washing, and disinfecting AND taking antibiotics every time we get the sniffles. What this may eventually do is give rise to a superbug that will laugh off our attempts to kill it, and kill us all in return.

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 8:20 am

Well said. Unfortunately, most people's understanding of science and the natural world comes from teevee commercials and the rather basic truth you point out is lost in a haze of "Micro crystal medicines! Antimicrobial Action!! Emollient enriched!" etc ad nauseum.

cheetojeebus March 4, 2011 at 8:23 am

"taking antibiotics every time we get the sniffles."

those that have health insurance of course. Us hobos are happily wallowing in our own filth with runny noses.

Come here a minute March 4, 2011 at 8:56 am

This is how the hobos could rise up and take over the world, if they felt like getting up.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 8:39 am

And thanks to to to that, we're creating super-viruses that no antibiotic can kill. Thanks, germaphobes and the marketing that encourages their idiocy!

harry_palmer March 4, 2011 at 8:41 am

Now they're saying that overprotective parents keeping the kiddies quarantined from germs is causing reduced resistance to diseases and increases in allergies etc. I always knew hanging out in the gutter was good for me!

Texan_Bulldog March 4, 2011 at 9:11 am

A lot of it's fundamentalist parents who won't get their kids vaccinated. I HATE those people! Repeat after me: God made vaccinations, therefore vaccinations are good. Plus, I don't see any of them eschewing cars, electricity or modern plumbing even though I don't believe Jesus mentions any of those items in the bible!

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 9:24 am

Fundamentalists, and also conspiracy theory loving idiots of all political stripes who follow Jenny McCarthy's and the Huffington Post's autism bullshit. They've already killed hundreds of children. It doesn't matter that the original study has been exposed as a fraud, or that even if it had been true the dangers of not vaccinating are worse than the fake danger autism; people still keep refusing vaccines and killing their (and other, responsible parents') children.

Texan_Bulldog March 4, 2011 at 9:30 am

Yes, I read somewhere that that fraudulent paper did more harm to children than anything ever in history. Yet McCarthy is allowed to spew her shit on Larry King, Oprah, and whoever else will book her tired, washed-up ass. That's why I HATE these people; they have no regard for anyone else.

trampndirtdown March 4, 2011 at 9:35 am

Read up on Cotton Mather. fundie fear of vaccination is well over 200 years old.

Hatrabbit March 4, 2011 at 10:44 am

"Blessed are the Prius-makers." Jesus.

Cars! They're in the freakin' bible, people. Read it.

jim89048 March 4, 2011 at 12:31 pm

They misspelled priapus.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 9:20 am

I do wonder what the kids of today will be like as adults, given how overprotective and controlling modern parents are. We've got idiotic parents who, besides the germaphobia, won't let their kids go out and play with friends, but only let them socialize with organized "playdates" and teams & other official activities.

Once again, I blame commercials; specifically McGruff, the crime dog. My generation was brought up being constantly told that every stranger on the street was planning to kidnap and molest you, and to never ever ever talk to or even look at a strange adult; so of course people my age who can't use birth control won't let their own kids out of their sight.

GOPCrusher March 4, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I think the alcohol counteracts the diseases that try to enter your body when you're laying face down in that gutter.

FNMA March 4, 2011 at 9:00 am

Yeah, but Howard Hughes would totally approve the whole saving-your-urine-in-jars thing.

Texan_Bulldog March 4, 2011 at 9:08 am

and don't forget fetuses…

Mumbletypeg March 4, 2011 at 9:03 am

…as someone posted earlier… getting out of bed today… was it worth it?

Srsly though, 2nd'ing gefo5. That was stated so succinctly that even a Fox dweller would have to blame extra earwax fungii* if still unable to absorb those implications.

*licked off of shopping carts, that is

Barrelhse March 4, 2011 at 9:17 am

I saw some germs taking LSD last week- the uprising can't be far behind.

jus_wonderin March 4, 2011 at 9:57 am

My family had a Super Bug in the '70s. Was a real gas sipper.

Ducksworthy March 4, 2011 at 10:12 am

Here's a funny story. Back where there was polio in Amurika, and men were free, polio was seen as particularly tragic because of its effect on the middle and upper classes. Turns out that if you were exposed to the virus, in somebody else's feces, when you were very young you got kind of sick but not paralyzed. If you waited until you were a teen or young adult to consume other peoples feces, you got paralyzed. Hence the tragic effect on the middle and upper classes. Says something about Amurika, but I don't know what.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 8:17 am

Nice to see BBC getting in on supporting our military-industrial complex. Every article on Chinese military advances elicits howls of idiots screaming it means we need to beef up our military in response, even though China has done nothing to threaten to invade us, and ignoring the basic fact that we don't just spend more than China on our military, but more than the entire rest of the world, combined.

gef05 March 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

"elicits howls of idiots screaming it means we need to beef up our military in response, even though China has done nothing to threaten to invade us"

They are adherents of Monty Python's Llap Goch. Attack your enemy before he even knows of your existence.

harry_palmer March 4, 2011 at 8:47 am

Yes, China, a country with 10 times as many people as us, is up to almost 1/10 of our spending. And they have no history of long-term (multi-generational, even) deployments of troops on far-flung bases, they haven't dropped any atom bombs on anybody etc. It's obvious we have to move on them.

jim89048 March 4, 2011 at 12:35 pm

A slight push on the DMZ in Korea is in order, methinks.

EdFlintstone March 4, 2011 at 8:19 am

The military should advertise on BDSM sites. Do you enjoy torturing and humiliating submissive prisoners? Well why not turn that passion and expertise into a career with good pay and benefits with the United States military. See your recruiter today!!!!!

arihaya March 4, 2011 at 8:22 am

That is the plan!! We will do it just like Reagan.

He "Bring down Soviet" by forcing it in arm race,, where they went bankrupt, while we survived, because we borrowed gazillion of money from the Chinese.

This time we will do like that too, we will now "bring down Chinese" by forcing it in arm race,, where they will goes bankrupt, while we will survive, because we borrow gazillion of money from the .. oh wait ……

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:30 am

because we borrow gazillion of money from the …

Ferengi.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 8:41 am

Now, if we want to bring down the Chinese just like we did the Soviets, we need to wait until they get a leader who decides the whole cold war thing is bullshit and just gives up on it. Wait, we didn't really do anything there, did we?

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 9:42 am

No, we didn't. Except, of course, gloat.

Sunsetheman March 4, 2011 at 8:38 am

Hi,
I just wanted to say that…
I am with Bradley because exposing a crime is not a crime.
It is a duty.
The silence is a crime.
Under the shadow of silence, everything can be said and anything can be done.
We all know perfectly.
Hidden by that veil, some might even convince the others that a war can be a peace mission.
Hidden by that veil, civilian deaths are just casualties.
Hidden by that veil, even murderers are celebrated as heroes.
And hidden behind that veil, all opponents are necessarily traitors.
It continues here: http://betweentwosouths.blogspot.com/2011/03/wiki

Zvi_Bleindmeis March 4, 2011 at 8:39 am

Have you ever tried to make a pyramid out of clothed prisoners? Seriously. These people know what they're doing. They've been through training.

trampndirtdown March 4, 2011 at 9:39 am

Sorry Zvi ishould have read down farther and I inadvertently ripped your comment.

Trannysurprise March 4, 2011 at 8:39 am

This is just disgusting. Bradley Manning needs to keep his feces covered butt out of my shopping cart.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 8:51 am

I'm sure it was being forced to wear that cheesy beret that drove him to treason. Or maybe he has a 50's-vintage MG, Triumph, or Morgan?

Plowmon March 4, 2011 at 8:56 am

Nah, no string-back gloves…

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 9:14 am

Or a scarf, for that matter…

DashboardBuddha March 4, 2011 at 1:03 pm

My MGB-GT, she's a runner now.

baconzgood March 4, 2011 at 8:53 am

Paper, plastic, or shit with peanuts?

gurukalehuru March 4, 2011 at 8:59 am

Bradley Manning butt-crack vodka

Texan_Bulldog March 4, 2011 at 9:00 am

I have nothing erudite to say about Manning but do wonder why we can't just prosecute folks without the side of ritual humiliation. I know what he did was wrong, but his punishment (and he has not even been found guilty) doesn't seem remotely commensurate with the crime. I thought the nudity was saved for brown terrorists shooting at us or flying into our skyscrapers.

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 9:58 am

Or just cold hangin' out in their native lands when we happen to invade.

HistoriCat March 4, 2011 at 9:59 am

Prosecute – oh damn, I knew we missed something along the way.

deanbooth March 4, 2011 at 10:29 am

Glennzilla says they are wearing down Manning so they can get him to say Assange was the mastermind of the whole thing. They want Assange naked in a cell, too.

* cries *

GOPCrusher March 4, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Without the ritual humiliation, the terrorists win.

DashboardBuddha March 4, 2011 at 1:05 pm

From what I understand for a certain group of people, performing torture is a lot like eating potato chips. You start with few brown foreigners and pretty soon, even though you say you can quit any time, you've worked your way into putting everyone on the rack.

undeterredbyreality March 4, 2011 at 9:03 am

Clothes go on, clothes go off. I can't explain that or I'd have to kill you.

ManchuCandidate March 4, 2011 at 9:06 am

It must be rather expensive for the Chinese to steal clips from Top Gun for use in their training exercises.

Or probably because they finally figured out that stealth, integrated C^3I networks and other high tech goodies can't be done on the cheap.

Terry March 4, 2011 at 9:08 am

Manning has me conflicted.

1. The military needs to treat him humanely while he's incarcerated, both before and after any trial. The officers overseeing his detention should be disciplined if the things we are hearing are even partially true.

2. Regardless of your views of the content of the information Manning delivered to Wikikeaks, Manning did swear an oath not to disclose secret information. He broke that oath.

3. He also didn't expose just certain information, such as the attacks on civilians in Afghanistan that needed to be known. He was unstable and pissed off and downloaded everything he could in a scattershot attempt to hurt the military and government. It wasn't, in my opinion, an act of conscience but instead a way to retaliate. To me, those are different things although some outcomes of the two can overlap.

Ok, said it. Feel free to down fist me.

Steverino247 March 4, 2011 at 9:28 am

1. Correct. Humane treatment of prisoners was certainly pounded into my head.

2. He is alleged to have done that, but if he did, he deserves the maximum penalty.

3. This is the allegation and, if proven, you are correct. He was mad at his Uncle Sam and decided to hurt him. This was not a brave act or a whistle blower after discovering war crimes. Hell, W has already admitted authorizing enough war crimes to spent three lifetimes in prison.

That said, the Army should have charged him with improper handling of classified documents, sentenced him to 20 years and been done with it. All this other song and dance about "the enemy" is foolish. Whoever is handling the prosecution is an idiot and completely unaware of how the Army is being further damaged by this bungled prosecution.

problemwithcaring March 4, 2011 at 9:51 am

This is why the military's treament of him is so astounding. It's like even when they are justified, the military can't help but to overfail.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 9:13 am

Re: the headline. To be fair to the Army, it's Marines that run Quantico.

Steverino247 March 4, 2011 at 9:20 am

And Marines have no interest in being kind to soldiers. None whatsoever.

Terry March 4, 2011 at 9:24 am

…and in return, the soldiers refer to Marines affectionately as "candy asses".

Steverino247 March 4, 2011 at 9:32 am

Maureen? That's a girl's name!

You can also send them any bullshit e-mail you want and if it praises Marines, they believe every fucking word of it and pass it along without applying any critical thought process.

HistoriCat March 4, 2011 at 10:01 am

Well Marines are just a step away from Navy – and we all know how sailors are. Amirite?

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 10:03 am

Marines are just the BD/SM branch of the Navy.

MoeDeLawn March 4, 2011 at 10:43 am

The Marines are for Navy peeps who can't swim.

Ducksworthy March 4, 2011 at 10:20 am

That explains the butt crack shots. Thanks for the clarification.

PublicLuxury March 4, 2011 at 9:15 am

Private Manning's privates are not very privates anymore

jim89048 March 4, 2011 at 12:47 pm

It's cold in the cell, OK?

Negropolis March 4, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Should we call him Public Manning…?

I'm giving you guys an in, here. Take it.

PublicLuxury March 4, 2011 at 9:17 am

My mother would sprinkle fecal material on our oatmeal in the morning. She said ti was raisins. Everybody needs a healthy breakfast and moms know that fecal material has lots and lots of healthy.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 9:30 am

My dogs, and 500 bazillion flies, can't be wrong. Though with my dogs, I suspect they do that just to gross me out.

GOPCrusher March 4, 2011 at 12:22 pm

But yet we are bombarded with advertisements for dog food that is Great Tasting.
Weird.

GuanoFaucet March 4, 2011 at 9:18 am

The shopping carts smeared with Santorum are all slippery.

Chet Kincaid March 4, 2011 at 9:20 am

As (I think) Ed Helms explained about torture many years ago on The Daily Show, "Just because it's something we did do, it doesn't mean it's something we would do."

not that Dewey March 4, 2011 at 10:56 am

I love it when CNN journalists refer to the US military as "we".

EDIT: Oops. I thought you said "Ed Henry". Well, my point still stands.

PublicLuxury March 4, 2011 at 9:22 am

Why can't we even torture our own guys? We can torture Mahzlumbs but we can't even try to learn meanier things by doing it to our own kids. WTF. The military needs to get some Truknutz.

jus_wonderin March 4, 2011 at 9:28 am

Was there sexy dancing and posing involved? I hope so.

BTW: Commenting works right today!!!!

Chet Kincaid March 4, 2011 at 9:33 am

"Shit on a shopping cart!!" is going to be my shock expression of choice from here on.

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 9:39 am

Poor Bradley. That is all. =(

capnhuggyface March 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

you can't keep a private first class' first class privates private

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 9:45 am

OT, but while we're sitting here waiting for the next post, can anyone tell me if "following" someone helps out their p-ness? The reason I ask is because there's a bunch of you folks who are "following" me and I feel a little guilty because I'm not following anyone (except Terry, because I accidentally clicked "Follow" when her icon jumped out one day as I dragged the cursor over it, and I didn't want to "un-follow" cuz it might make me seem like a dick). I never bothered "following" anyone because I sit here all day and read just about every post anyway. But if I can help out others p-ness size by "following" them, I'll be more than happy to do so.

Terry March 4, 2011 at 9:51 am

"except Terry, because I accidentally clicked "Follow" when her icon jumped out one day as I dragged the cursor over it, and I didn't want to "un-follow" cuz it might make me seem like a dick"

You like me! You really like me!

Weenus299 March 4, 2011 at 9:51 am

I am not a follower. I am merely a cowardly comment sniper.

harry_palmer March 4, 2011 at 10:00 am

I don't know about p-ness, but I have the opposite problem, in that I can't get to these threads a lot of times. So I'm going to follow some people now in the hope that they drop some money or something.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 10:07 am

"I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly! "

GOPCrusher March 4, 2011 at 12:24 pm

How shall we fuck off?

andrewdrinker March 4, 2011 at 10:15 am

I only wish I understood how the P-ness works. I've never seen the 80s! It's like you have to get a +30 on every comment to get anywhere, and, well, I'm just not that funny. :-P

deanbooth March 4, 2011 at 10:37 am

Pees are like level-ups in Diablo. The higher your pee, the longer it takes to raise it.

Pee S., My favorite spell was Conversion — hitting an enemy makes him temporarily become your minion. They "follow" you, but having followers did not raise your Diablo pee.

Billmatic March 4, 2011 at 9:46 am

Boy if only people knew how much feces and e. coli was on everything on the planet we'd have a bunch of people hiding in their attic with tissue paper boxes on their feet.

Next time you grab that gas pump, think feces!

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 9:52 am

They're just about gone now, but the handheld receivers on pay phones were about as disgusting a thing as you can imagine. I have a buddy that installed, serviced, and maintained pay phones back in the 80s and 90s, and he told me that when you unscrewed the earpiece or mouthpiece of the receiver to clean them, the amount of coagulated/congealed breath or ear gunk sometimes nearly made him vomit. After he told me about that I always held the receiver 2 or 3 inches from my head when making a call.

Billmatic March 4, 2011 at 10:07 am

I think it was Benjamin Jefferson, the founder of 'Merica who said: "What does not kill you makes you stronger."

Chet Kincaid March 4, 2011 at 1:33 pm

No, it was one of the Jeffreys.

DashboardBuddha March 4, 2011 at 1:09 pm

"Next time you grab that gas pump, think feces! "

That's not hard when you consider that we're already getting it in the ass at that moment.

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 9:47 am

You know, finding out we all have shit on our shopping carts is nice, but I'm actually here for today's videos of nazi skinheads screaming at newborns. So… whatcha got?

Weenus299 March 4, 2011 at 9:50 am

He's not in prison, he's just on a level of basic training that is several realms beyond the typical basic mind-control suite of devices. They must really like him. They must really see his potential as the soldier of the 26th century, Fifth-Dimensional Theater.

BaldarTFlagass March 4, 2011 at 10:09 am

Manning: I am not a number, I'm a free man!! Oh, wait.

deanbooth March 4, 2011 at 10:08 am

smart bombs that can play Jeopardy

"What are brown people?"

donner_froh March 4, 2011 at 10:35 am

Fox News reporting on shit-handled carts in an E. coli infected bacterial swamp–perfect match of media and message.

Hatrabbit March 4, 2011 at 10:36 am

Because we couldn't possibly violate the (illegally tortured, humiliated, possible future death-row inmate, officially abandoned, human right-less) detainee’s privacy.

randcoolcatdaddy March 4, 2011 at 10:42 am

Perhaps the feces readings from the automatic electric shopping carts at Walmart skewed the results.

not that Dewey March 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

As Johnny English said, "it's just a bit of poo".

ttommyunger March 4, 2011 at 12:06 pm

He was asking for it, sitting there all sexy-time in that tight orange jump suit, just asking for it

Chet Kincaid March 4, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Feel free!

BornInATrailer March 4, 2011 at 2:39 pm

In the tradition of Elvis and Eminem, I'm adopting it as my own though.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 9:29 am

How dare you insult her precious little monster and suggest that your business is more important than their play in a venue which is completely inappropriate for it?

Seriously, some parents are ridiculous with their kids in public places; I was once behind a woman at the grocery store whose son was eating from an open box of cookies, and she threw a fit at the clerk when she insisted that she pay for it.

SorosBot March 4, 2011 at 10:09 am

Those things are just awful; even with wide downtown sidewalks, they're second only to fat tourists families in moving slooooowly while taking up so much space it's a real pain in the ass to get around them. Why do these parents need more than just a simple, basic stroller for their baby? And sometimes they're using them with a kid who's four or five years old – they can walk, you know.

AutomaticPilot March 4, 2011 at 10:28 am

Duh, you need room for an XL cup holder to hold your 64 oz. Diet Coke, and an extra basket underneath to stow all your shoplifted goods that are hidden under your coat.

KenLayIsAlive March 4, 2011 at 1:37 pm

You're lucky w/ wide sidewalks. These asshats push them down skinny Manhattan side streets – these monsterous things with like dirtbike tires moving three babies abreast.

Fucking ridiculous. Of course, this is Manhattan where one in three carry an umbrella you could hold a three-ring circus under – so why I expect any human thoughtfulness or decency from these upper-middle-class jack offs I'm not exactly sure.

Negropolis March 4, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Actually, I heard the safe word is "green berets."

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