In this great age of anus burgers and bacon-covered doughnuts, most of us will be killed by diabetes — and that means it would probably be smart to start donating to diabetes organizations right now. And next week, there’s a way to help fight diabetes in two ways: Grab life by the balls and participate in the 6th Annual Dodging Diabetes Charity Dodgeball Tournament next Sunday in Rockville.
There’s nothing quite like curing diabetes by throwing a ball at strangers, most of whom probably have excellent eating habits and/or good genes. Discounted registration for the tournament of $350 per team has been extended through March 7, which is VERY soon. If you choose to wait because you are lazy or hate fat people and those with genetic bad luck, you have until March 11 at 11:59 PM to register. After March 7, the registration goes up to $500. Yes, that’s a lot of money, but this is the price you have to pay if you want to try to save America from its pork bender.
All you have to do is find 6-10 friends, enemies, or do-gooders, preferably with stable blood sugar levels, and convince them to join you in throwing balls, for charity. This shouldn’t be too hard considering that dodge ball isn’t kickball, a sport that’s reserved for the desperate and lonely.
Get it together, form a team, do it for the insulin manufacturers union, and then go eat a doughnut with bacon on top to congratulate yourself for all your hard work. And, if you ate pancakes earlier this week to stop leukemia/lymphoma, we assume The Forces of Good are very thankful for all your charitable goodness. [Dodging Diabetes]
{ 19 comments }
Okay, so having balls fly into your face cures diabetes? Scott Walker, thanks to the Koch brothers, you are gonna live forever!
I just invest in companies that make limb saws.
As a librul, I feel as though we spend an inordinate amount of time dodging assholes, so balls should be a bacon covered cup cake walk.
The Whole Foods in Bellevue, WA had bacon covered cupcakes two weeks ago.
Sounds like more fun than the 1st Annual Dodge The Ass-hat Governor's Right-busting Bill tournament being held in Wisconsin this week.
Just like in school, I'm sure I'll get picked last.
I'm pretty good at this sport.
Instead of diabetes dodgeball, shouldn't this be a food fight?
I suppose it's too much to hope that those balls are made of deep-fried dough, dipped in sugar.
Baggers will be bumping Rascals to catch those.
May I suggest using 12 pound brass Napoleons on Gov. Walker?
Dodge THOSE balls, motherfucker!
So dodging a teabagging can help cure diabetes? Good to know, although I'm conflicted because your average scooter-bound teabagger is fairly likely to be diabetic.
If republicans are playing can I use regulation baseballs?
Good luck to you lad/Lass.
But I sure hope you have the good sense to know you don't deserve any health coverage.
God and his Republicans intend for you to suffer quietly.
Republican lawmakers should be dodging cars on the freeway instead.
HAHAHAHAHA we have a troll protesting dodgeball and diabetes.
let me guess….
Dodgeball=Best. Movie. Ever.
That, and Lawrence of Arabia.
I have tried three times to paste a link in this comment and I'm not 'puter savvy enough to do so. Google "charity navigator" and check out real and alleged charities free.
Can't think of any snark for Diabetes. The Black Plague of the 21st Century, especially true in America, sorry.
I like balls.
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