As the weather gets warmer, it’s time for Americans across the land to go out in the sun, get (their scooters) some exercise, and return to hating Muslims, so here’s your third post of the day on this exciting, innovative movement. Our country, as we all know, is still pretty certain a terrorist attack is going to happen on domestic soil any second now, so it continues to throw money at programs that are pointless at best and, at worst, take attention away from real threats. Case in point: Nobody knows how much money the federal and local governments spend on unnecessary terrorism instruction for police officers in Podunk, USA. But because the money exists, there are people willing to call themselves “terrorism experts” and take it. People with mail-order diplomas and deep prejudices against and misconceptions about Muslims.
“When you have a Muslim that wears a headband, regardless of color or insignia, basically what that is telling you is ‘I am willing to be a martyr.’” There were other signs, too. “From the perspective of operational security, there are two things I am always looking out for: a shaved body and moving lips,” he explained. “Some of the Pakistani hijackers shaved their whole bodies in a ritual of cleanliness. If their lips are moving, these guys are praying. As they are walking through an airport, every second they’re going to be praying.”
Sure, whatever. “The Muslims who drive to the mosque in Fords are too afraid to blow themselves up. But you can spot the ones who are terrorists because they drive either a green 1997 Plymouth Breeze or ride around on a vicious dinosaur.” See, we could totally do this job. Give us defense moneys, pls.
The certification chairman for ATAB is a man named Keith Flannigan. Flannigan claims numerous qualifications: a BA from Kent State University in 2008, an MA in psychology from the University of Frankfurt, likewise in 2008, and a PhD in philosophy from Northfield University—once again in 2008. However, the National Student Clearing House, a degree-verification service, was unable to find record of Flannigan at Kent State, nor did the University of Frankfurt find any evidence of attendance. When queried, Flannigan claimed that we couldn’t find his records because Keith Flannigan is not his legal name. Flannigan may well have a doctorate, for what it’s worth, from Northfield University, as it is run by the University Degree Program, described by Chronicle of Higher Education as “the granddaddy of diploma mill operations.”
Let us trust this man with our security operations. He seems like a man we can trust.
But look what happens when an American Muslim security officer gets taught by one of these guys. Whoops!
The same month that Kharoba was being invited to incorporate his material into the FLETC curriculum, FLETC received a complaint from an Immigration and Customs Enforcement official named Muhammad Rana. Rana had been angered by course materials that included a handout describing “fundamentalist Muslims” as people with “long beards and head coverings” who, while “we call them radicals … are practicing true Islam.” Eleven out of fifteen members of the class submitted a letter in support of Rana’s complaint, and Rana took his case to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which ruled in his favor.
Whatever happened to simple, instructional VHS tapes? Just get one guy who is a legitimate terrorism expert from the CIA or whatever, have him narrate a video with cheesy music and bad actors wearing Zubaz, and send it out to police departments across the country. Problem solved! Terrorism over! In conclusion:
[Washington Monthly via Wonkette operative "Abe R."]