Newt is afraid to officially officially announce his official intentions to run for president one day, but he has set up his very own NEWT 2012 webring! Let’s see what he’s up to on Facebook:
America is quaking with excitement to have Newt be their next president! [Newt Explore 2012]
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What SPF do these two use? 875?
I love the black people in the crowd. It gives it a real Newt Doggy Dawg vibe. See, I have black friends and an Asian.
The Asian women looks like Michele Malkin though.
LOL, fucking hilarious!
They all look alike anyway to normal Amurkans
I think that photo was taken at the rally for Wisconsin public employees.
No palm trees.
I heard that the Wisconsin protesters are carrying inflatable palm trees now.
I think that's called clip art (or what we referred to it as in the days of the dinosaur). Unfort. those poor people can't complain or protest where it's eventually used.
Those exact same people were supporting Ted Kennedy not too long ago.
Perfect! That's exactly what they said happened with all those so-called reagan Democrats. I just called them republicans…
Those ungrateful freeloaders are a fickle bunch.
well played sir or madam.
The obvious error for Gingrich is that the photo people love America so could not be his supporters.
Win.
Ahahhhaaaa…. Ah, thank you.
Wow, that is crazy! How did you find this?
Do you sometimes get the impression that Mitt Romney is the stock photo dude that comes with with every picture frame you buy?
Great catch.
That's awesome Wooks can't wait to watch your piece on Rachael tonight.
Edit; Hi Rachael.
Do tell…who is wooks? Am I the only one not to know?
Sorry dude Sayitwith wookies
Except for the black guy and the asian lady, looks just like the crowd in that execrable video in the previous, unfunny post.
Check back tomorrow, I reckon Newt will have had the furriners photoshopped out.
Miniature American flags for all!
Abortions for some.
But he didn't say what he has the Asian *for.*
Have all of his ex-wives friended him yet?
And what about Bill Clinton?
Mrs. Newt looks like an extra from a live-action "Jetsons" movie
I'm sure she's never gone near the Foodarackacycle.
I was thinking Stepford Wives but that works too.
Except for the live part.
Nice, nice…
Greedy hypocrisy. Now more than ever!
It's heartwarming to see a sufferer of chronic traumatic encephalopathy livin' his dream!
Well, it's worked out so well for Mrs. Palin, so I guess he figured "Why the fuck not?"
The dream of the '90s is alive in Newt.
put a bird on it!
Shouldn't he be wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt over a T-shirt with a baseball hat, carrying his skateboard, and singing loud rock about how much his life sucks then?
I was hoping for a little more Kurt Cobain and not just generic grunge.
It's the dream of the 45% permanent Republican majority.
Newt's thrid wife/new mistress? needs some Crest White Strips. Please press the 'donate' button on my paypal account to support this endeavor. The future of Dental Hygiene is up to you. Donate now. Be an American Patriot and donate so her teeth can glow in the dark too.
The result of too much coffee, cigarettes & chewing tobacco (why not?) trying to shake the jitters because she knows that she'll have to see Newt naked every night. She, indeed, made a pact with the devil.
I was thinking red wine too. I mean jesus, wouldn't she have to be shitfaced on jebus juice to bang that asshole?
Looks like cum stain to me.
Sorry, somebody had to say it.
Blond hair and teeth. What's the problem?
She looks fake. Just like the people behind them. A stock image. Her bottle blond hair and coffee/tobacco stained teeth, her way to shiny gold dog collar. She as fake as he is. She reminds me of the photo that comes with picture frame. After all, she's standing next to Newt. A lizard person. A liar. A schmuck. Everything that is bad in the world can be summed up to one word, Newt.
Speaking of PayPal, don't they have a minimum processing fee where they charge the recipient of funds something like $.20 for each transaction debiting their account?
If so, I suggest we all donate $.01 to Newt Explore. OK, if you're feeling particularly generous, then donate $.02
He looks shifty. Disreputable. Sneaky. A real toad. Just the kind of man I'm attratcted to.
Want us to let you know when wife #3 gets cancer?
Sandra Bullock? Is that you?
What does Lou Gingrich think about this?
I was going to say we should start looking for Leroy Newton to start hitting the "Like" button on every status update Newt's new Facebook gets.
Newt should have dyed his hair to match hers and then they would blended better.
His carpet matches her drapes, and vice-versa. True love!
oh man, that logo is just awful. are we looking inside a top hat that contains a saltine? is it supposed to be a beribboned medal and, if so, why isn't the whole medal covered with stars? is his new name "NewtO2012"?
on the plus side, i'm happy that callista looks evil enough to be married to him.
I thought that was Cindy McCain trying to back a winner this time.
Not long ago I was driving in McLean, VA, and saw Newt stopped at a light, being driven in a BMW by some alien. It was definitely that woman. I wondered why she was wearing a helmet; now I realize it's her hair. I would've rammed my car into them, but I've only got liability insurance and it's my only car, so, sorry folks.
Thanks for thinking about taking one for the team, Guy.
~
Newt, now that you've married your mistress, who are you schtuping now?
That scans. And it has great c-and-w potential, but it needz moar gunracks.
Gunracks on their way.
If she got that gold dog collar off a street vendor in Mexico her neck will turn green shortly.
I say we launch Newt Gingrich. To Mars.
Excellent!
I'm curious how much he paid for that "Explore committee" tagline…you know, because he's ass-deep in direct-mail scam businesses so he can't have a real exploratory committee.
"Explore committee" has Frank Cuntz written all over it. Teevee news is gonna be fun this time around!
And my god, listening to some random Republican hack on Talk of the Nation yesterday…Newt's the "intellectual" Republican candidate. Yes, yes he is.
So the Dame In Blue is grafted into his shoulder? And exactly what kind of decision was it to go with this picture of him squinting and grimacing, and with the blue-chick, to remind everybody if his multiple ex-wives by putting the latest one into the picture? I thought this was a man of ideas, not pretty images.
OMG, I know, right? They do not appear to have been in the same state when photographed, or was she really only about 7 inches wide at the shoulders before she was grafted (granted, the man is Hucka-huge, but still).
He's a man of ideas. Vewwy vewwy bad ideas.
Inept surgeons attempted the experimental grafting procedure with a big black guy first, but unsurprisingly, complications quickly arose and Newt rejected him.
In retrospect, needlepoint for men—while utterly charming—may not have been the wisest choice of suturing technique.
I don't care what anyone else says, I gave that movie FOUR STARS!!!!!
I always wanted an albino first lady.
He's sodomizing me with his eyes.
Needs more santorum.
He'll be sodomizing you with a lot more if you let him any closer.
Hilarious!
Aww, Newt and Barbiesicle. She promises that if she becomes FLOTUS, she'll tear up that horrible garden thingie that Michelle planted and replace it with an ice rink. It will stay frozen all year long, and you do not need to know how that happens.
She sits on it?
Mrs. Newt needs to lay off the hair bleach. The stuff kills brain cells, you know. Hence, her marriage to Newt…
How many drugs was Mrs. Gingrich on when she took that photo, with those glazed eyes and Laura Bush-style Stepford smile?
I think you mean how many drugs has Newt *forced* her to be on, because any halfway sentient being would RUN AWAY the first time Newt pulled off his pants, revealing his yellowing briefs, smiled fatuously and invited you into bed with him.
White slavery indeed!
I never, ever want to have sex with anyone ever again. Ewwww. Thankyouverymuch for that visual, GuyClinch. I'm sending you my therapy bill.
The Stepford smile is done through plastic surgery, because if you had to climb aboard the USS Newt on a regular basis you wouldn't be smiling much.
Newt Explore?
Newt not know where he go?
Newwwt…
(Also, too, jinx!)
Newt angry!
Newt smash!
Who wrote his web copy, Yoda?
"Newt Explore"?!
C'mon now, that's just fucking gross.
I think Newt should go exploring and soul-searching in Pakistan's NW provinces.
Why do I feel like he has had more bats in his hole than Carlsbad Caverns?
Newt Explore 2012. With what shall we explore Newt?
Cattle prod?
I'm thinking of those metal tools Jeremy Irons had built in Dead Ringers
AAAAAH! NO! NOOO!@!! (runs away screaming, only to return)
Explore? I'd rather just seal up this particular cave(man) with cement and forget it ever existed.
I like the dreamcatcher logo tho. I wish you luck on your trail of tears, you fucking hypocritical retard.
You're awesome! Hilarious!
Have two people ever needed osmosis more? They need to stand a little closer, let some of that fat pass on to Skeletor's bride and out of the Newticle. Then maybe he could get his eyes open.
I wonder if the studio photo-shopped out his jowls.
I figured he was just sucking them in really hard. Yes, now try to get the image of Newt doing some hard sucking out of your mind . . .
Can't, no thanks to you.
Jesus fucking Christ, I can smell the peroxide from here! That woman is a walking chemical spill! When is the EPA going to shut her down?
Does she have an MSDS tattooed on her ass?
Hilarious! I laughed until I cried!
Isn't it a cardinal sin for a GOP wife to wear BLUE?? Doesn't your skin catch on fire or something?
Ha! It seems there is a website called http://www.nudistexplorer.com/
Newtists Undress! er, Unite! er, Explore!
Callista's got that faux news air about her, which might come in handy if this marriage thingie doesn't work out.
Which it most certainly won't.
Via ThinkProgress:
Newt Gingrich Launches 2012 Presidential Campaign Website With Stock Photo Of Supporters
After teasing a bid to run for president for almost a decade, Newt Gingrich finally announced an actual campaign today. Gingrich’s campaign website NewtExplore2012.com features a stock photo from GettyImages also used by the late Sen. Ted Kennedy’s (D-MA) website.
Hey Gang, you can run for Prezdint too! http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/dv1992033/Digit...
Large Crowd of People Holding Stars and Stripes Flags
and according to Getty Images that pic is 'royalty free,' which means either that there are no princes or princesses pictured or that the cheap bastard didn't pay for it.
http://newtinfrontofstockphotos.tumblr.com/ Really.
Oh jeez. So this will be a fun game for the next six to nine months as Newt takes part in "debates" with 14 other Republican hopefuls and just cold says shit on television because people care what he has to say because he's "running" for President.
And then he's going to drop out by the end of 2011 and write another dumb book.
Just hopped back from newt.org and – having bleached my eyes – can report that this man has wrapped himself so completely in the mantle of St. Ronnie the Only that the family should sue him for brand-infringement.
Callista looks like The Joker in a blonde bob.
Because what we need now is more Newt Gingrich.
Newt! Improvedt! 30% more for the same pricet!
That little "t" is priceless. Priceless!
Got Newt?
New Newt = Old Newt = New Coke.
Mrs. Newt shoulda used the bleach on her teeths….
She was just trying to get her hair to match her teeth, obvs.
Is he inviting people to explore him…I know he's a cad, but this is ridiculous!
It is obviously a terrible typo at Microsoft, I presume.. The website is for the New Internet Explorer 2012. I mean, come on, why would this sleazeball run for president.
He thinks that banner makes him look alpha, but it just makes him look creepy.
Also, to paraphrase Jim Carville, I'd pay for Newt's V!agra just so that anyone nihilistic enough to be his third wife would have to fuck him more.
I hope he starts a blog called "The Daily Newt".
Or an iphone app: i of newt.
Just look at that waving, multi-ethnic crowd of stock-photo actors! Ah, Getty brings a tear to any politician's eye.
Also, I know everyone else has jumped on it, but Jesus, his wife in that photo! She looks like she's been straight-up-injecting mommy's little helpers; it's almost Tim Burton-esque.
When I saw that the Donald was going to be on Letterman last night I got all excited, because that's where Walnuts! declared. I was disappointed, naturally. When will Gnewt be on Letterman?
WOW. Could she look a little more Stepfordwife-like?
What is Newt doing with Cindy McCain?
It is for precisely this reason that Facebook doesn't allow a "dislike" button.
Newt Explore? Did the Incredible Hulk name this fucking thing?
I'm shaking in anticipation of learning what other amazing verbs Newt might be paired with next. Crossing my fingers for:
Newt Eat
Newt Amble
Newt Orate
Newt Discover
Newt Bang
Oh, man! Those are the two whitest fucking people I have EVER seen. I think I'm snowblind now.
I hope everyone who contributes to Newt's campaign has this image seared into their Moranic Brains-es:
Newt's big white whale-buttocks bouncing up and down as he lies all over mistress number four
KaBoomPH! … KaBoomPH! … KaBoomPH! …
EEeeeww Take that!.
A lizard person lady married a newt. Adorable.
I never knew Johnny Winter gay married Newt Gingrich.
I went to the Newt Exploration Thingy and he wants to know what I think about the possibiity of his running…so I told him I thought he was a foul hypocrite and that he was fucking this creature when he was trying to impeach Clinton and that all in all I thought he was a repulsive stain. I suggest you do the same.
There's a sucker born again every minute.
Is that Pris from Blade Runner? She's held up well. But then, you would too if you were an replicant.
More human than human.
I'm sure someone else already said it, but why did John McCain loan out Cindy?
I know it's a stock photo, but jeez, can't they make it even a tad realistic? Where are all the lardasses? Where are all the scooters? Where is SkoalRebel?
I know it's a stock photo, but jeez, can't they make it even a tad realistic?
Because they are trying to get support, not make people visiting their website ill.
You have to admit, it's kinda great that nobody wants to run, because everyone's terrified of having to give up the "grift by pretending to be a 'potential 2012 candidate'" gravy train. Why can't they just follow Christine O'Donnell's example and grift while running for office, using campaign funds?
The crowd behind them is a stock photo from Getty Images.
EDIT: Oops, noticed that others noted this after some digging.
I'm sure Neut is only using a generic crowd photo because he couldn't find any actual people who like him.
The Stepform Wife/Fembot is ungodly blonde. It's like a cheap knock-off of the Twilight series.
This woman looks like a Cindy McCain meets Laura Bush meets Joan Rivers meets Batman's Joker meets (insert generic Fox News hostess).
He's got a fuzebox and he's gonna use it.
didn't take long for tumblr to get in the action – Newt in front of stock photos
Well, I had just sent a sexually charged email to an incredibly hot chick when I decided to click on this item before fapping.( Bad move! ) The first thing my eye was drawn to was Miss "Punch of the Moment" (Instant soft-on). The second was the Georgia "Leach" (Threw up in my own mouth). That was my last can of Hobo Beans, Wonkette; and at my age that could well have been my last boner. Thanks a lot, ASSHOLES!
Is that Micheal Steele photoshopped into the background?
A classic specimen of blowhardus politicus (not to be confused with blowhardus blowhardus, as portrayed by Rush Limbaugh).
No, no. I know who he is, here. But, you seem to imply he had a piece on the Rachel Maddow Show. I'm asking if he is someone semi-famous.
My implication was that Maddow's people read the Wonkette and often use some of the memes on their show.
Edit; at least that what I was trying to say sometimes it comes out clearer in your own head than when someone else reads it.
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