Junior Sen. Daniel Akaka, 86, Not Seeking Re-Election After Just 20 Years In Senate

  why it's not a real state

Hawaii Democratic Sen. Daniel Akaka will not seek re-election in 2012, the fifth Democratic or Democratic aligned incumbent to bow out already this election cycle.

Way to cut and run, Akaka! At 86, you’re probably the second- or third-youngest person in the entire Congress!

You shouldn’t be allowed to leave the Senate until you’re dead. And you shouldn’t be allowed to die until you’ve spent at least two full terms in the hospital unable to vote on any legislation.

Enjoy actually having a retirement like a real human being, asshole. [WP]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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