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Hawaii Democratic Sen. Daniel Akaka will not seek re-election in 2012, the fifth Democratic or Democratic aligned incumbent to bow out already this election cycle.

Way to cut and run, Akaka! At 86, you’re probably the second- or third-youngest person in the entire Congress!

You shouldn’t be allowed to leave the Senate until you’re dead. And you shouldn’t be allowed to die until you’ve spent at least two full terms in the hospital unable to vote on any legislation.

Enjoy actually having a retirement like a real human being, asshole. [WP]

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  • GuyClinch

    Wait, we have senators from Hawaii??!? That not even a part of the U.S. America!

    • nounverb911

      I always thought Hawaii was in Kenya.

      • JimmyCarlBlack

        Exactly. Who can forget the Mau Mau Rebellion, when the residents of Maui ungratefully rose up against their U.K. British masters.

        • PristineODummy

          That's MauMaui to you, white Black man.

      • MildMidwesterner

        Does this mean there is yet another octogenerian senator with a black mistress?

      • Negropolis

        Yeah, it's right off the coast there in the Indian Ocean and is routinely molested by Somali pirates.

  • Barbara_i

    Time to go home, open your bible and cram for your finals. Feel free to Take McCain with you on the way out.

  • metamarcisf

    Where's the birth certificate?

  • SorosBot

    Thank Akaka and his fellow Hawaii Senator for keeping the current Senate from being 100% white.

  • nounverb911

    "You shouldn’t be allowed to leave the Senate until you’re dead. And you shouldn’t be allowed to die until you’ve spent at least two full terms in the hospital unable to vote on any legislation."
    Does being brain dead count? Most of the senate would qualify already.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hate to see these Democratic "Young Guns" bowing out so early in their careers.

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    Probably quitting to become a lobbyist for the Pineapple-Industrial complex.

    • V572625694

      Statesmen/Philospher-Kings from HI specialize in bringing home military pork, and have been extremely successful at it!

    • imissopus

      Ike warned us to watch out for Big Pineapple.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Pretty sure they don't grow pineapple commercially in HI anymore, what with those "American" workers demanding more than $1/hr like they get paid in Central America and whatnot.

      I blame the unions, of course.

    • arihaya

      when we were ruled by Peanut-Industrial complex we got a nice peace treaty for Israel,,,

      so bring on the Pineapple-Industrial complex !!

    • MsQuasimodo

      It overlords the undersea housing construction and loan industry, providing overpriced, shoddy housing with balloon mortgages to small sea creatures living in places like Bikini Bottom.

  • neiltheblaze

    Imagine his frustration, though – 86, and still a "junior". Maybe by retiring his acne will clear up.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    This is good news for John McCain! Come on…now he can be the oldest living fossil in the Senate, right?

    • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      John McCain is alive? I thought he was some sort of mummy…

      • GOPCrusher

        Brendan Fraser is on line 1……..

      • Negropolis

        That's good for John McCain. I'm sure he's hoping to pull in some of the Egyptian-American vote with that stunt.

  • ifthethunderdontgetya

    Sounds like impeachment will be on the table in 2013.

    Heckuva job, President Obama!

    Just remember, you and your Bush's third term Administration spent four years asking begging for it. And I'm sure your new best friends forever, Dana Milbank, Matt Bai, etc. will totally have your back. That's what they're known for!

    • Negropolis

      Huh? What does this have to do with Obama? Did I miss something?

  • ttommyunger

    Thank God he's leaving. I have five dogs and a cat and every time I said this crusty old fuck's name I coughed up a hair ball. He's fucking worthless anyway.

    • PublicLuxury

      Lots of people get their hairballs the old fashioned way. Just sayin'. Licking your cat is so 'new age'.

      • ttommyunger

        Show me a man who won't lick a pussy, and I'll have his wife.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Off topic, but now that Kosovan Muslim dude has killed some airmen in Germany, shouldn't we invade and occupy Kosovo?


    • nounverb911

      No, Germany. Real Merikans can actually find it on a map.

      • LionelHutzEsq

        Plus they have good beer. From now on, we should just invade countries with good beer or wine.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          If that's the case, I move that we invade Scotland, for the delicious single malt stuff.

      • MsQuasimodo

        There's lotsa Germans, and beer, in Wisconsin. Just sayin'.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      They're just like Yugoslavia, we were just waiting for them to discover oil.

    • Negropolis

      Did this guy forget that we leveled Belgrade for his people?

  • RedneckMuslin


  • DashboardBuddha

    I once took a ka ka and I called it George.

    (I'm not sure that makes any sense, but I'm at work and I'm transcendentally bored.)

  • inapewetrust

    oh snap – this is the very moment hawaii's notorious arch conservatives have been waiting for

  • Weenus299

    He will soon die of a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack.
    We oughta know by now.

  • NorbertsRevenge

    I seem to remember Selleck as a tennis-playing Reaganite prick; maybe Roger E. Mosley is available?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I hope whomever is running the biggest medical marijuana dispensary in in HI throws his hat in the ring. He should have a war chest that'll stand up to any Republican in the state.

  • Schmannnity

    Big relief to Inouye. Akaka always asking, "Are we there yet?' "How much longer?" and "I gotta pee."

  • Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

    what does lou sarah have to say about this quitter?

  • Come here a minute

    He's just quitting so he can say yes to appearing on Dancing With the Stars!

  • walstib

    fucking quitter

    off with his head

  • Zvi_Bleindmeis

    He's retiring in order to spend more time with his urologist.

  • SexySmurf

    I heard he only became a Senator so he could get lei-d.

  • PublicLuxury

    He has a new reality show coming out on TLC, Daniel Akaka's Hawaii.

  • hagajim

    Isn't Hawaii some islands in the Caribbean?

  • LionelHutzEsq

    The terrible shame is that he was just getting a handle on the job.

  • Hatrabbit

    He was happy to keep his snout in the trough, until the cash ran out and it became a piss-trough.

  • savethispatient

    He's just hoping to lock in his retirement benefits while the going is good. By 2013, even the Congress might have to cut their plan…

  • Negropolis

    Surely, this makes him the Sarah Palin of Hawaii, right? Speaking of which, can you imagine how much more chill Sarah would have been if she'd grown up in Hawaii?

  • cheaphits

    Senators come, Senators go…who can explain it?

  • donner_froh

    Makes sense–Daniel Inouye, the senior senator from Hawaii, is 87. And since he survived getting shot to hell during World War II Inouye will probably live forever. Or at least longer than Akaka, the other Daniel.

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