BREAKING: Someone's Stopping Sarah Palin From Saying 'God' In Public

 
 Today, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously in favor of the right of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church to protest soldiers' funerals, because we have this principle in America called "free speech." Or rather it would have been unanimous, if the Court didn't have remarkable civil-liberties troll Samuel Alito sitting on it. In Alito's dissent, he said the protest amounted to "fighting words." We have no idea how that differs from "fightin' words" as in "them's fightin' words," which we always thought were legal, albeit not too bright for a fella like yous, but we assume it's a meaningless term Sam Alito just made up so he could give the government more power over speech. Anyway, the important takeaway is that it is now legal to say "God Hates Fags" and "God Hates Soldiers" in public, but private citizen Sarah Palin is not allowed to say "God" at all.

Who is this "we" she's talking about? All her Twitter accounts? Sarah Palin invokes God every five seconds she's in the public. She can say anything about God she wants to, and she does. But she gets jealous when she hears other people talking about the god that loves her the most of all. God doesn't hate gays. He hates people who don't like Sarah Palin. [ NYT / Twitter ]