PARSIN'  11:25 am March 2, 2011

Journalism Suggests Sheila Jackson Lee Is a Murderer

by Jack Stuef

Dun dun dunnnn!Today The Daily Caller, for some reason, has a long profile on all the objectionable things Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee has done over the years. It is a lot of things! Why is it that people with power are so commonly awful and so rarely humble? Humanity sucks! But there is evidence Jackson Lee is especially awful: Staffers in other offices say they hear screaming and crying coming from behind Jackson Lee’s closed doors and are afraid to loan her office a knife. Is Sheila Jackson Lee torturing people in her office and eventually murdering them? Probably, according to The Daily Caller!

He laughed. “We would never leave a knife around when the congresswoman was here,” he said. As Stephens put it, “that’s when it all clicked that they are really afraid of her.”

Where does she hide the bodies? Does she eat them?

Not surprisingly, Jackson Lee has one of the highest staff turnover rates in Washington. Over the last ten years, at least 39 staffers have left within one year. Over that time, Lee has employed at least nine chiefs of staff, eight legislative directors, and 18 schedulers or executive assistants, according to records of federal disclosure forms published by the website Legistorm. Nine staffers left within two months, 25 within 6 months.

Wow, she murders ‘em pretty quick! Just can’t wait to murder them.

There is some other stuff in here about Jackson Lee showing off her hubris, calling staffers “stupid motherfucker,” taking garlic tablets, and making people wait. But none of it is as good as the murder. We can read between the lines and are glad this “The DC” reporter was able to avoid getting murdered before filing this story.

Former aide Michael McQueery said his experience with other “difficult” bosses on the Hill prepared him for how to handle Jackson Lee. “I’ve worked for two other members. They did the same thing,” he said.

All members of Congress are murderers? [Daily Caller]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 118 comments }

TanzbodenKoenig March 2, 2011 at 11:31 am

Hey, lets not give murderers a bad rep by comparing to them to members of Congress, have some decency Jack.

SorosBot March 2, 2011 at 11:31 am

There's something about the hue and tone of the Daily Tucker article that makes me suspect their coverage of Jackson Lee is colored by some bias that's slipped under its' skin.

Texan_Bulldog March 2, 2011 at 11:41 am

Someone is being an uppity Negress (& for once, it isn't Michelle).

Cicada March 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

Are you implying that Tucker Carlson might be using the Daily Caller to push some sort of agenda?!?!?

That is simply unbelievable! I say good day to you sir!

Good. Day.

SorosBot March 2, 2011 at 11:56 am

Well of course Tucker has an agenda; I think it's to make the bow tie fashionable again.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Did it ever go out of fashion?

nounverb911 March 2, 2011 at 11:31 am

"All members of Congress are murderers?"
Well, if Rand Paul lost a patient, it was the patient's fault for seeing him.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

She seems nice in a Lizzie Borden kind of way.

Boredw/Gravity March 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

She may not be a murderer, but the fact that she holds Barbara Jordan's old seat is a major embarrassment.

Terry March 2, 2011 at 11:45 am

Ain't that the friggin truth.

__kth__ March 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

iirc, Lee beat incumbent Craig Washington in the Dem primary, in a race in which she was regarded as the more Establishment-friendly candidate (1994, a pretty dark year for America in general).

DaRooster March 2, 2011 at 12:01 pm

John Wilkes Booth

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

Makes sense to me. The use of three names instead of just two usually indicates a homicidal maniac. John Wayne Gacy, Lee Harvey Oswald, Henry Lee Lucas, Sheila Jackson Lee.

nounverb911 March 2, 2011 at 11:36 am

Ayn Rand Paul

OC_Surf_Serf March 2, 2011 at 11:43 am

Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney…oh wait, that's 4…he must be even worser

user-of-owls March 2, 2011 at 11:45 am

Oh yeah, smartypants? Then tell me what Hitler's middle name was? Hmmm?

BarryOPotter March 2, 2011 at 11:48 am

Rufus? Reginald? Rupert? Rudyard? Remus? Regulus? Rigel? R…

Moonbat March 2, 2011 at 11:57 am

Wodewick!

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

He was so bad, they named him twice: Adolf Adolf Hitler.

user-of-owls March 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

The Third!!

bumfug March 2, 2011 at 12:11 pm

That's nothing! Sirhan Sirhan's middle name is fucking Sirhan.

nounverb911 March 2, 2011 at 11:55 am

Galliano

the_onceler March 2, 2011 at 1:34 pm

cohen?

GOPCrusher March 2, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Godwin?

Negropolis March 3, 2011 at 1:41 am

Goldblatt?

Thurman Munster IV March 2, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Don't forget Barack HUSSEIN Obama. And Sheturnedmeintoa Newt Gingrich

OneDollarJuana March 2, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Three names are also used for pretentious authors.

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2011 at 12:59 pm

How about the pretentionous "First Initial-Middle Name-Last Name." I've got a couple buddies that do that; "J. Michael Hoosits" and such. I like to give them shit about how that looks real doooooshy.

V572625694 March 2, 2011 at 12:38 pm

People who use three names are properly referred to as "trinomials." Many are women who have married, but want to keep their options "open," if you know what I mean.

OC_Surf_Serf March 2, 2011 at 11:36 am

c'mon, murder is also illegal in Remulak, a small town in France.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 2, 2011 at 11:37 am

Why does the world need to acknowledge the existence of Tucker Carlson, or his crappy little right-wing pile of shit blog?

Oh right, the little, bow-tied dickhead-dweeb/frozen food empire heir recently hired Mickey Kaus, world renowned blower of goats.

Never mind.
~

Terry March 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

From wee Tucker's wikipedia page:

"Tucker Carlson is the elder son of Richard Warner Carlson, a former Los Angeles news anchor and U.S. ambassador to the Seychelles who was president of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and director of Voice of America.[3] His mother is Patricia Caroline Swanson (born 1945), former wife of Howard Feldman and an heiress to the Swanson food-conglomerate fortune.[3][4] He has a brother, Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson.[5][6] A great-uncle was Sen. J. William Fulbright.[4]"

Two points:
1. Jeeze, where did Tucker go so wrong? He has some accomplished relatives. A solid family business. Head of Public Broadcasting and VOA. A senator who opposed McCarthyism and favored international exchanged (fellowship named after him because of it). Then there's Tucker. Best known for wearing a bow tie.

2. Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson? Buckley? Those parents named one son Tucker and the other Buckley? The parents deserve a good thump on the noggin for that, I swear.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Ambassador to the Seychelles?
LOL!

the_onceler March 2, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Ah, Mickey Kaus is there now? Another reason to avoid going to their website.

Barbara_i March 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

One of her staffers overheard her saying that the movie, "Silence of the Lambs" wasn't nearly as funny as the book.
"it takes the lotion and puts it in the basket!"

undeterredbyreality March 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

She's obviously an alien–note the conehead. And it's not really murder if they die on the alien examination table.

i_like_tigers March 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

It's not just knives you should keep away from Congress, also pens, carrots, etc…..

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

Multiple downfisters! Oh, I'm feeling faint!!!

KenLayIsAlive March 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

I saw that. Sigh. Guess I'll get around to upfisting everyone "next time."

freakishlywrong March 2, 2011 at 11:39 am

There's an asshole here, cold murdering y'alls peeness. I will commence with fisting.

Boredw/Gravity March 2, 2011 at 11:44 am

SJL's got her entire staff online downfisting us right now.

PsycWench March 2, 2011 at 12:00 pm

If it wasn't for calling out downfisters I'd still be at 101p

OneDollarJuana March 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Downfist. Upfist. Downfist. Upfist. Downfist. Upfist. Downfist. Upfist.

OOPS! Sorry. ; }

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Fist goes up, fist goes down. Who can explain it?

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Fist goes up, fist goes down. Explain, please.

inapewetrust March 2, 2011 at 11:40 am

poor dumb bastard works for a murderer AND his name is mcqueery? this world is hard.

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2011 at 11:40 am

That photo of her also makes her look a lot like Gwen Ifil, another stone cold killa.

Radiotherapy March 2, 2011 at 11:40 am

We already knew she was a baby killer. So no big whoop

KenLayIsAlive March 2, 2011 at 11:42 am

Well, at least the press corps is concentrating on important news like unsubstantiated rumors and gossip.

FlownOver March 2, 2011 at 11:43 am

Well, now you've done it. You lured me into rewarding *ucker Carlson with a page view.

To quote Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, "You stupid m*th*rf*ck*r."

Angry_Marmot March 2, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Wait, are the "stupid motherfuckers" stupid fuckers, or do they only fuck mothers that are stupid?

PsycWench March 2, 2011 at 11:43 am

If this is what holding a seat in Congress does to a normal woman, God only knows what would happen if Sarah Palin won such a seat..before she quit, of course.

Terry March 2, 2011 at 11:54 am

I think Sarah is on course to become an arch-villan. She currently has a secret sub-Arctic lair, build courtesy of Fox News. She's fond of those severe looking jackets. She wears iconic hairstyles and glasses. All she needs is an oversized black chair and a fluffy white cat to pet.

Halloween Jack March 3, 2011 at 10:34 am

I'm not sure that she was ever normal.

JustPixelz March 2, 2011 at 11:44 am

OK. Other members of Congress are nice to their staff while kicking Real Americans™ in the balls and/or ovaries with their votes. Cut Planned Parenthood funding. End Sesame Street. Repeal Health Insurance Reform. "So be it."

freakishlywrong March 2, 2011 at 11:44 am

Sheila is going to need that knife when the teabillies get around to passing that law allowing them to carry guns in congress.

WHERE ARE THE JAWBS?

nounverb911 March 2, 2011 at 11:45 am

"Nine staffers left within two months, 25 within 6 months. "
How many has Tucker Carlson gone into through?

chickensmack March 2, 2011 at 11:45 am

Your story becomes a bore when a dude named McQueery says "she ain't the only one." Pick another week when Charlie Sheen isn't melting down, and you may impress someone.

SorosBot March 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Charlie Sheen is just a victim of the Jewish 9/11 Conspiracy, just like Mel Gibson and Michael Jackson, at least according to our (and many other IntenseDebate using sites') resident insane conspiracy theory troll:
http://intensedebate.com/people/ryanshaunke6216

PsycWench March 2, 2011 at 11:45 am

“We would never leave a knife around when the congresswoman was here,”
And you would have a knife in your office to leave around, why exactly?

nounverb911 March 2, 2011 at 11:49 am

It's easier to hide than an axe.

AtwatersGhost March 2, 2011 at 11:48 am

I guarantee she's got at least 3 knives hidden in that B-52 parked on her head.

SayItWithWookies March 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Well sure — for defense against the spiders.

Guppy06 March 2, 2011 at 11:49 am

"All members of Congress are murderers?"

Well, which mass-murdering bill did she vote for, "authorization for the use of force," or death panels?

OneDollarJuana March 2, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Well, maybe one.

OkieDokieDog March 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

I think a large portion of politicians (mainly GOPers, Teabaggers, Christian Conservative dickwads & vagwads, and Blue Dogturd Dem knuckleheads) are sorry assed mofos. So that makes me a killer too, I guess.

Yay!

LabRodent March 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

She added Lee so as not to be confused with the other crazy Jackson family. Im looking at you Latoya.

ny35mike March 2, 2011 at 11:55 am

i know a number of former staffers and they are more afraid of what THEY will do to HER if knives are left around

Blendergoathead March 2, 2011 at 11:55 am

Mmmmm… fisting.

Wait, what?

Texan_Bulldog March 2, 2011 at 11:56 am

Can you imagine having Tucker Carlson for a boss–trust fund kid who has never done an honest day of work in his life… He'd call you into the office & be a smarmy, passive aggressive tool and you'd have to clinch your fists and grit your teeth in order to keep from leaping on him & strangling him with his bowtie. Not worth it; I'd rather be flipping burgers at Burger King.

bumfug March 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Oh, come on, strangling him with his bow tie would definitely be worth it.

EatsBabyDingos March 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

Obviously, the screams were from her stylist, Pierre, "Madame! You must wear the little bow tie on ze hair for "Ze Zippy" look!"

Her reply: Does it hurt when you pee air, Pierre? Bring me the fish bubbler catheter!"

mumbly_joe March 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Ms. Jackson Lee was also unavailble for comment about allegations that she had yet to stop beating her husband.

Native_of_SL_UT March 2, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Sounds like an episode of True Blood to me.

SorosBot March 2, 2011 at 12:05 pm

And you know who else has called people "motherfucker"? Hint: it's every modern native speaker of the English language!

An_Outhouse March 2, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Arianna Huffington?

lulzmonger March 2, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Martha Stewart?

DangerHelvetica March 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Tommy Wiseau? Sort of.

SorosBot March 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

You are lying! You are tearing me apart, Danger! Oh hai doggie.

mumbly_joe March 2, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Ot, but BTW, I just wanted to comment and (upfist!) on account of your new avatar; it's really good to know that I'm not the only person who reads MSPA obsessively, and that there's at least one other person who knows what I'm talking about when a reference inevitably slips through to my posting here.

/ot , but still MSPA

Yeah, I'm pretty sure we can safely conclude that Ms. Jackson Lee's use of the word "MoThErFuCkEr" proves that she's a mass-murderer.

DangerHelvetica March 2, 2011 at 1:26 pm

You know, at first I thought the icon was too nerdy for Wonkette, but then I just kind of figured that someone looking angrily at a computer was something everyone here could identify with.

And then I realized that "too nerdy for Wonkette" was an absurd thought anyway.
HONK

GOPCrusher March 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Victoria Osteen?

Angry_Marmot March 2, 2011 at 7:10 pm

That would be kinda hot.

elviouslyqueer March 2, 2011 at 12:06 pm

The Houston Democrat addressed one of her employees as "you stupid motherfucker." And not just once, but “constantly,” recalls the staffer, “like, all the time.”

In Jackson Lee's defense, all the other times she was probably directing this at John Boehner.

Negropolis March 3, 2011 at 1:45 am

Regardless, that's a pretty fucking awesome power trip. If I worked for her ass, I'd be giving it right back.

"you stupid motherfucker" is actually a term of endearment in the black community, so should they be so lucky as to be called that is what I say.

kissawookiee March 2, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Well, at least the garlic tablets prove pretty clearly that she's not a vampire. Lycanthropy is still on the table.

glamourdammerung March 2, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Tucker better hope she is not the type to call her friends to beat up homosexuals in public toilets like that one guy was.

LionelHutzEsq March 2, 2011 at 12:34 pm

There is a lot of swearing, crying and poopy diapers coming out of David Vitter's office. Where is Tucker Carlson's in-depth coverage of that?

DangerHelvetica March 2, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Well, she does represent Texas's 18th congressional district including the very, very urban Houston inner city (no I will not let this joke go)

Oh, and screaming and crying seem like pretty appropriate reactions to working in congress.

problemwithcaring March 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Not surprisingly, Jackson Lee has one of the highest staff turnover rates in Washington.

Meanwhile back here in reality, David Vitter actually shitted on a prostitute, then lazily staged her murder as a suicide, and no one in the media cares.

SilverTsunami March 2, 2011 at 12:43 pm

A bad boss! That never happens in the private sector.

sezme March 2, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Murder is bad I guess, but DC gossip without assfucking is like a potato without salt.

lulzmonger March 2, 2011 at 12:46 pm

But he was totally exonerated by a coroner-crony who proved his innocence with an incompetent autopsy! Besides, he was in at least two different places at the time, neither of which was his office. What more do you libs want???

To this day, Joe Starbuckorough completely loses his shit if anyone so much as mentions her name. Nothing suspicious about that at all, nope.

horsedreamer_1 March 4, 2011 at 9:56 am

So, Gary Condit didn't actually kill anyone, but Joe Scarbourough might have?

Is this like the Teabaggers calling Obama a fascist, communist, totaliitarian, un-American Mau-Mau for the last two years, only for Scott Walker to attempt to restrict severely the freedom to assemble of his constituents & ram down the throats of the Wisconsin Democratic Senators an end to collective bargaining & give-back to Koch?

teebob2000 March 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Why is it you NEVER see young boys around Jonathan Strong?? I wonder if it's because the young boy network got word out that he enjoys diddling them in his spare time? I dunno! No idea.

kittenbomb March 2, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Yes, and those "garlic tablets' just pushed her over the edge.

natoslug March 2, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Tucker must be pro-vampire. With all her garlic tablets, the only thing she's killing is the undead. And maybe anyone standing in front of her.

donner_froh March 2, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Over the last ten years, at least 39 staffers have left within one year.

I wonder the language in which this was written before being machine-translated into Lower Slobovian and then into English.

kittenbomb March 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm

In fairness, who hasn't killed a coworker? My former receptionist was a total bitch who was just BEGGING for it. What?

donner_froh March 2, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Thank you, Wonkette, for having the policy, and thank you, Jack Stuef, for carrying it out so well, that allows me to get the sense of an article from the foaming at the mouth right wing press without actually having to click on the link and read it.

If they did nothing else the Wonketteers would deserve ten blog of the year awards for this service to humanity.

Tucker Carlson is the kind of person who would cause mass boycott of family Thanksgiving if he were a tag a long brother-in-law.

glamourdammerung March 2, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Anyone else wonder how this compares to Bachmann? Especially since everything I looked merely suggested it was high, yet had no numbers.

Zvi_Bleindmeis March 2, 2011 at 1:50 pm

There is some other stuff in here about Jackson Lee showing off her hubris….

Congresswoman Lee, call people motherfuckers if you want to, but I think we all agree that nobody wants to see your hubris.

Zvi_Bleindmeis March 2, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Trendy Man: Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
Thornton Melon: You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.

Mahousu March 2, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I'm sorry, but Sheila Jackson Lee will never be able to match Shelley "Dracula Cunt" Gibbs. Anyone who can have Tom DeLay's entire staff — yes, Tom Delay's — quit on her must be something special indeed.

Limeylizzie March 2, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Oh my god, how come I never heard of this woman before, it must have been before I started sleeping with the Wonkette. I am literally weeping with laughter.

XOhioan March 2, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Wish she had eaten Ralph Nader when she had a chance. http://www.pressaction.com/news/weblog/full_artic

SorosBot March 2, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Next thing you know some socialist is going to suggest that there is something called selection bias and the higher rate of conviction for drug offenses among black people does not actually reflect a higher rate of drug use, which is must the same across the races.

Redhead March 2, 2011 at 2:59 pm

But that can't be true, because if it were, it would give the teabaggers one less reason to hate Obama!

GOPCrusher March 2, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Or just finished watching Snakes On A Plane.

hauntedteacozy March 2, 2011 at 4:45 pm

OBVIOUSLY she murders and eats people, as she is a member of the Reptilian Race (like RUMSFELD) and won't even answer questions about them – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn5ZeZMCnOY

Rotundo_ March 2, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Tucker Carlson: The journalistic equivalent of a fart at the table during the evening meal in a monastery in which all have taken a vow of silence.

glamourdammerung March 2, 2011 at 4:57 pm

That would imply he at least served some kind of useful function.

ttommyunger March 2, 2011 at 6:35 pm

When asked for comment by your friendly Wonketeer, Joe Scarborough replied:"Killer?" he sniffed dismissively. Bitch hasn't made her bones! Sure, she'll cut you, but she hasn't killed anybody yet, Piker!".

piniella March 2, 2011 at 10:00 pm

THIS IS A GREAT ARGUMENT FOR FEDERAL EMPLOYEE UNIONS. In other words, J.S. Mill was correct: Conservatives are STUPID

Negropolis March 3, 2011 at 1:43 am

She's a known Black and an openly practicing woman

I like.

Negropolis March 3, 2011 at 1:46 am

Really, is Sheila Jackson Lee gonna' have to cut a bitch, up in here, or what? Don't y'all know who the fuck this woman is? She's a motherfucking congresswoman, that's who, and a strong, very, very urban woman at that. So, show some motherfucking respect for your motherfucking congresswoman, your stupid motherfuckers.

largefooted March 3, 2011 at 10:02 am

Meh. I've heard loud moaning coming from Lorretta Sanchez's office.

Halloween Jack March 3, 2011 at 10:37 am

I don't think that the Daily Caller is being hyperbolic at all; I read stories about her ridiculous treatment of her drivers (including the thing about driving her one block) and the African-American hurricane names years ago. Wikipedia also says that she said, in 2010, that South Vietnam was still an independent country. Houston deserves better.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: