Because old people are disproportionately Republican and old, a high percentage of those currently planning on voting that black man out of office will be dead before they get the chance. But they are not powerless! They can make sure their final decisions on this Earth are motivated by their favorite emotion, hate, and the object of their hate, the president of the United States. Yes, many dead people are now asking in their obituaries that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to candidates who oppose Barack Obama. Our nation’s dead people are ANGRY and are not above making their funerals political. Death is a time for reflecting on WHERE IS THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?
Here’s Texas dead guy James Harrison:
A Celebration of Jim’s Life will be held at 4:00 PM, Saturday, March 5, 2011 in the Chapel of Forest Park The Woodlands Funeral Home.
In lieu of flowers, at Jim’s request, please make a donation to ANYONE running against Barack Hussein Obama, or the American Cancer Society.
Yeah, EITHER ONE. Donate all of your money to Lyndon LaRouche, grieving friends and family! That’s better than finding a cure for cancer.
Another one:
“In lieu of flowers, Hal has requested that donations be made to your local animal shelter or to any candidate running against Barack Obama in 2012,” reads the death notice of Harold Groves, a retired Air Force fighter pilot who died at age 77 on Aug. 26 in Myrtle Beach, Fla.
“Hmm, how many puppies should we let be euthanized so we can donate this money to Lyndon LaRouche?”
Shut up, dead people. [Salon/WSJ]
{ 184 comments }
I guess dead Tea Partiers make about as much sense as live ones…
What if – just what if — the person running against Barack Obama likes to slaughter Dalmatian puppies to make fur coats and proposes to re-channel animal control funding from animal shelters to aerial kitten hunting programs?
Would this Hal person still be dead as shit?
De Vil/Burns '12!
And in lieu of Barack Obama ever sending me flowers, I would just prefer Sarah Palin to die. Too much?
A woman can dream, can't she?
Neither too much nor too little, too soon nor too late.
Not soon enough.
Who said the dead don't vote? Didn't they just help Rahm in Chicago?
Die early and die often!
They sure helped LBJ back in the day.
Yep, I hear he got the 120-to-eternity vote.
ZombiePAC FTW!
"In lieu of flowers, at Jim’s request, please make a donation to ANYONE running against Barack Hussein Obama, or the American Cancer Society."
Why would anyone run against the ACS?
Because curing cancer is SOCIALISM!
Let the market cure cancer, if such a thing is profitable.
Exactly:
Consider the human body as a 'marketplace', and cells as 'ideas'. Cancer cells are just the best capitalists, by growing the economy and defeating the competition, and any attempts to regulate this marketplace of ideas is socialism. Even if it ends up killing the markets. We can always just blame that on the melanocytes, AMIRITE?
Beat me by 3 minutes.
And, lets not forget, has anyone seen cancer's birth certificate?
Cancer has been known to bring death AKA "the great equilizer" AKA "SOCIALISMS!!!"
Didn't the "pro lifers" try it awhile? Remember when they said abortions cause cancer and the ACS said "yea, no, that's not true at all," and the "pro-lifers" were all like "The ACS is pro-cancer, they just want there to be cancer so they can stay in business"?
I'm pretty sure that's who this dead guy wants you to donate to instead of sending him equally dead flowers.
Because it's what the Founding Tumors would want.
In lieu of flowers, lynch a n*gger.
/fixed
In lieu of that, dance &/or piss on Jim's grave.
Yes, I guess that makes you a (dead) racist!
(I don't think most are pretending that the Baggers aren't flat out racists anymore.)
Yo, Harrison, Groves, let's see your death certificates.
If dead people get a PAC, I'm moving to Canada.
Zygotes have a powerful lobby, why shouldn't formerly-living Americans have one too?
How about I donate to "The Human Fund" in your name instead, old sport?
That's the best Festivus present of all!
In lieu of flowers, please 'like' at least 3 items on Sarah Palin's facebook page.
Lou? Lou Sarah? Is that you?
Cause we gots to take some of the burden off of her alter-egos of worship. It's hard to create a hundred thousand followers to 'like' Sarah Palin.
Celebration of Jim's life? That would have to involve a lot of old white folks sitting around, drinking beer, collecting social security checks, and bitching about the wasteful government that keeps handing money out to welfare queens and illegals. This to be followed by a dramatic reading from a chain letter announcing that the Kenyan Antichrist has secretly set up concentration camps for white people. Good times!
Not necessarily. Jim and Hal may have loved Obama. It's their survivors who wrote the announcement, perhaps adding that little hate-gram. Let's teach 'em a lesson — with our votes.
Hate: You can't take it with you.
Well, it ain't from lack of trying.
Down-fister is running amok. Watch out!
I'm on it.
You're on "it"? Surely you mean you're on "the mothafucka"? (Please acknowledge so I can stop calling you Surely.)
Teamwork!
Thanks for the heads-up — I've already got a silent pack of those feeble fisting fuckers following me as it is.
"In lieu of flowers, Dick has requested that you hatefist anyone who leaves a comment that you don't understand."
I only have one… what a failure, just like Mom said.
Karma would dictate that these two assholes got to St. Pete only to be informed that they were shoe-in's for Heaven until their obits were published and now are on the Express Elevator to Hell.
Lucky for me I don't believe in Heaven or Hell- esp if I would end up with baggers. Of course, as a non- Christian, I ' m doomed to hell in the minds(such as they are) of teabaggers.
I have to remind you, Extempo, Zeus wasn't always a happy god. And as for that Thor fella…
And I have to remind you, WhatThe, that we were all once swimmers in the glans of an angry clod.
Thor was always hammering something.
"please make a donation to ANYONE running against Barack Hussein Obama, or the American Cancer Society."
What kind of heartless bastard would run against the American Cancer Society?
I hope this is a boon for the ACS the way Planned Parenthood receives a boost every time an elected fringenut introduces legislation to lock up all the fallopian tubes.
If it will help with the grieving process, I will run against the ACS. Just send the money in.
Dick Cheney
It's stuff like this won't make me feel bad when we turn olds into Soylent Green.
Soylent Green: Now with 10% more racism!
mmmmm… Sweet & Sour Codger…
BoehnerBurgers (with freedom fries)
Brown Apple Betty (now with more Betty!)
Next time one of those olds says "bite me," I think I will.
I would probably avoid the Boehner burgers, too orange for meat.
Death is a time for reflecting on WHERE IS THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?
I'd laugh if it weren't true… if anyone needs me, I'll be in my Happy Place.
I see dumb dead people.
And on their graves can it read " I lived as an asshole and died as one"?
Next up. Dead people vote by absentia.
Dead dude is from Texas.
PL, and by 'dementia.'
Of course, after "Zealots for Zygotes" will be "Votes from the Vortex".
So, Barack Hussein Obama is the moral equivalent of cancer. Great.
Maybe the guy was an anti-smoking fanatic.
Most that request donations be made to the ACS died from cancer, so more likely he smoked himself to death.
No cancer is that weak.
Old GOP types die off and add political tripe to obituaries. Sounds like a good deal to me.
Medicare problem solved. Ironically, that would make the fiscal conservatives happy?
Cool the guy says give to the Cancer Society or to a candidate who will cut Cancer research funding. So it goes.
It's obvious we all need to eat moar pancakes for cancer.
Maybe instead of having regular funerals, they should instruct their next of kin to line their bodies up on the shoulder of an interstate. Imagine the traffic reports!
Don't forget to honk and wave! Imagine the stares!
Imagine the imagery!
Imagine all the people saying "what the heck?" And all the other people saying "who the fuck says 'what the heck' anymore?"
Obviously the solicitations are a tragedy. But they were occasioned by the deaths of the principals, so at least some good came from them.
Do you have to die in Chicago in order to vote against Nobama in the next election?
I guess it hasn't come to thier minds that voting against Obama should be a condition of thier will….yet.
Hey hey, our old buddy VD Troll just made a strafing run!
I countered with an upfist run. Nobody messes with my fellow wonketteer's pee scores on my watch.
That or somebody thinks I hate boobies. I had my hands on two of them just this morning.
How was it? It's been a long, long, long, time……..
It was very nice. They were warm and wet as I was in the shower at the time. Availability was limited, unfortunately, as she was leaving as I was entering so that other "entering" wasn't going to happen.
I'm scared. The dead outnumber us, oh, a trillion to one. If they ever get organized–oh wait, that shit's being taken of.
Raise the Death Tax!
Meh. To quote Boris Vian, "I spit on your graves."
It's an astroturf Zombie Apocalypse.
Did you see the cartoon this morning with the zombie robots walking down the street crying "CPU's…..CPU's….CPU's"
AstroTurf Zombie Apocalypse is one of my favorite B-52s' song.
Around here(Metro Dc) the Zombies are all pro-Obama. Check out our Zombie walk this year- we will definitely have elect Obama signs(like we did before the last election)
Cancer Puppies was my band's name in high school.
He died of anger.
Contribute to your local animal shelter to rescue a puppy who can run against Obama. The puppy will be smarter, better looking and more capable of winning than any of the maniacs the Repubs are thinking of.
Make sure its a mutt to make Obama feel bad for picking up that super fancy hypoallergenic dog.
I used to think these old mean fuckers dying off would improve the American lot in life, but it seems that they basically just pass on the old / crotchety to their offspring, who get progressively meaner as time goes on, because, oh yeah, we loved grandpa, and he was a stupid, mean old bastard.
Can't we tax people for not having a higher IQ than the previous generation of old stupids?
I am afraid that you are exactly right. My mean ass crotchety grandfather who felt up the little girls and was a world class Southern bigot got a complete image makeover after he croaked. Now my stupid relations call him a "good Christian man" and say that we need more like him in Cowtown, USA. Kind of like they did with Reagan.
Alas, I am an Old, (64) and even I can't wait for my generation to die off.
We may run into some nose/face spite issues, but hey, a lot of them just gotta go.
Don't worry, we do, it's called the state lottery.
Just keep dying baggers and larouchies. It's all good.
I am running against Obama. I am, technically, a potted fern. Where is my money????
Oh, now I understand teabuggery.
You can't take it with you…unless it is hate.
Show us the death certificate!!1!
Long form, please!
It would be a bitter irony if it was the strain of pressing his Sharpie down extra hard when he wrote the capitalized word "ANYONE" in his will that killed Mr. Harrison.
Next up: trends in wasted Bigotsworths' suicide notes increasingly along the lines of: "I died long ago actually, of a broken heart, shattered faith and frayed nerves all courtesy of that Very Urban intruder's den*ggration of our beloved state. I'm too offended to take it any longer"
etc.
I should make a donation to Obamma just so the greiving widow, who wrote the obit, continues to get correspondance from Barrack and the rest of the Dems. Hate, the gift that keeps on giving
great idea!! I pledge to do that when i find an address
I am in post that address and $50 is heading for Obama 2012 in this guys name.
Well, at least this gets me out of buying flowers for a number of dead assholes. "What? Oh, yeah, sure… I'm making a contribution to… uh, Huckabachrom. Sorry for your loss."
This sounds like somthing that my Ex-Father-in-law would do if he were smart enough to think of it.
Truthfully, I'd donate to someone running against Obama if it would expedite his death.
And by that, you mean the death of your ex-father-in-law, not Obama, right?
[Just wanted to add that I *am* joking... following on the grammatical misstep theme of "running against the American Cancer Society?" of the thread]
Yeaaaaaahhh. Right. I meant to do that with the grammatical misstep….I'z being grammatical snarky on purpose. & if you believe that….
The guy was 77, the teabaggers lost one of their younger supporters.
Wow! Six people! More people thought driving actual nails through their hands at Easter was a good idea last year. And this was after the news gave publicity to the first guy that did it. Way to spot an important trend, Media! Your duty done, you may now go back to discussing Lindsey Lohan.
Imagine how disappointed these dead people must be when they find out that Barack Obama is not the Anti-Christ after all.
Or that Jesus is not white and does not look down on the poor?
Yeah, right? They are going to be so pissed when they meet up with a 5-foot, olive-skinned Jew with coarse, curly hair and with Middle Eastern facial features who tells them that they didn't make it.
Imagine how surprised they are when they find out it is Charlie Sheen.
You know, Teabagger Patriot Hero Crazy Fun Guy (and deist slaveholding moneywaster) Thomas Jefferson said in many a letter, The Earth is for the Living Dead.
At the next funeral I attend for a known Republican, I'm putting an Obama sticker in their suit pocket. "Take that to hell with you."
I've got a couple of MoveOn.Org Obama/Biden 08 bumper stickers that would look good slapped on the side of a casket.
Nothing says dead teatard like TruckNutz on a casket.
Off Topic:
Anyone else finding it impossible to read and/or post comments in the "new" mobile version of Wonkette? Wonkette without comments is like Palin without lies. Or dead people without heirs who hate Obama.
I thought the problem was with my "iphone". Can't get it to embiggen enough to even read, so I must restrict my daily requirement of snark to the PC.
I'm still finding it very hard on my laptop to navigate the comment sections for a long period of time. After reading about a page worth of comments, scrolling gets oppressively slow. I'm using the latest version of Firefox, and while Ihave an oldish computer, it shouldn't be dragging like this. This has happened for a few years now and I've never gotten an explanation. I think it may be a scripting error, but as a computer illiterati, I have no idea of what to do and the Wonkette editors have never gotten back to any of my requests for technical help. Meh.
I thought it was just me. And with the awful changes at work which are preventing me from getting my Wonkette fix, I was hoping I could at least keep up with the comments on my phone. No such luck!
yes, but that was just.
The dead are telling us what to do? This is surely one of the signs of Glenn Beck's Apocalypse.
I'd like to think that the sight of a black man in the White House increased these racist olds' bitterness and stress and helped cause their deaths.
Well, There's a silver lining after all.
Maybe they meant donate to like, Dennis Kucinich.
This is, indeed, good for John McCain.
As he is very close to the dead to begin with.
"In lieu of flowers, at Jim’s request, please make a donation to ANYONE running against Barack Hussein Obama, or the American Cancer Society."
Why would you be so bitter to donate to whoever is running AGAINST the American Cancer Society?!?
Man, that is serious JERKINESS!
Just say ok….Its not like they're going to know if you did.
When you're dead you're so out of the loop
Actually, roughly half of Boss BlunderRush's audience is dead.
Well brain dead anyway.
Wikileaks is running against him for the Nobel Prize. Just sayin'
I lurve intergenerational hatred as much as anyone, but let's not get too attached to the idea that all the Olds are also Bitters.
I searched on the keyword "Obama" in Legacy.com and came across many wonderful old people such as:
Curtis Hougland. "He believed in justice, campaigned for Barack Obama in Colorado, and understood that all of us who benefit from society must give back."
Juanita "Nita" Ewbank. "In 2009 Nita traveled to Washington D.C. to attend President Barak Obama's inauguration. While there she was interviewed by CBS, and was proud to represent both Lincoln California and cancer patients at the event."
Eileen Ganetakos (born 1910!) "and until her death remained a staunch defender of the Royal Family and a fervent admirer of U.S. President Barack Obama."
Nathalia Holland. " A life long Republican, she took great pleasure in the candidacy and election of Barack Obama, whose abilities she felt reflect the best America has to offer. "
Bingo! One thing I've noticed at the Progressive protests is that there are a LOT of olds. And they wonder where the heck all the youngs are.
well, of course we know that(or as one of the older Wonketteers, I know it). However, remember Wonkette is all about the not seriousness.
Not seriousness is my default setting. It's just that I have an 85 year-old white midwestern Mom who called me on national election night 2008, weeping for joy. I don't want the Greatest Generation to be denigrated by bitter old shits like James Harrison.
In lieu of contributions to any candidate running against Barack Obama, push up some goddamn daisies, you old assholes!
Thus sayeth the Lord: "I like Obama. So you guys go to the hell."
Dead, impotent teabagger still dead, impotent.
Aren't they gonna be surprised when the stand before God in judgement…and he looks like Obama.
God wishes He could have that slender physique. God is kinda chubby in all the pix I've seen. Michelle O should get Him to lay off the cheese fries.
I still picture God as George Burns.
I'm guessing he shifts between George Burns and Morgan Freeman. And if anyone complains, shifts to Oprah, just to mess with them.
Shouldn't those old bastards have been limbering up their singing voices before shuffling off to join the Heavenly Choir? Why would they care about the going ons of us mere mortals?
Soylent Green is Bitter!
Can we please cryogenically freeze these dumb-fucks, and bring them back for Obama's second inaugural address?
Have these dead people no faith in the prophecies of Dick Cheney? Cheney said* Obama would be one-term POTUS. If they believe in the Dick, they wouldn't ask their survivors to waste money on Obama's challengers.
_________________________
* actually Cheney has been wrong about absolutely everything, so I'm glad he says Obama is one termer. FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!
I have a suspicion this is more of the living relatives acting like low class jerks than anything else.
Somebody call a death panel.
Shoes For The Dead!
So if I decide to run against the local animal shelter for president, I get all of Hal's ill-gotten loot, huh.
Leaving this world as klassy as they lived in it.
Damn it Wonkette. Here you had me all excited thinking the fake Obama attack woman had gone and died.
God, I love this country.
Seriously. People can be this screwed in the head and still make a living? We are doing something right.
Uh. Your forgot "Inherited Wealth". Its much easier to score a home run when you're born on third base.
I wonder how he is gonna bribe his way past St. Peter.
Better yet, send the widow a card saying how much you donated to hopey after reading the obit. When she writes back that he wanted donations to Obama's opponents let her know you read it wrong.
Lets face it this "anyone running against the Negro" is a perfect candidate to represent the dead. See also Dick Cheney, Bob Dole, Ronald Reagan. GOP: The party of Death. Should be a winning slogan.
You lie!(even if it is true)- I don't remember this and as a Jew- I know all the other Jews really well except Eric Cantor.
I was going to ask if slap the shit out of him and Mark Levin the next time you see them at Shul.
In leiu of flowers, please put me at the top your your list of angry dead douchebags.
If the white man’s god hates Obama so much, why did he let Obama beat Queen Esther of Wasilla in the last election?
Let's just give zombies the right to vote and be done with it.
I am encouraged to learn that these bitter old fucktards are actually dying off. I was afraid they were too fucking mean-spirited to die. Not to worry about donations going to politicians of any stripe; not so long as beer, smokes and Skoal are still on the shelves at 7-11. Moar deth please!
In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the American Society for Prophylactic Mandates.
I was thinking this would be a particularly special method of mourning. I would start with two large Dunkin Coffees on my way over the cemetery. When I arrive I would observe the bereaved teatards from a safe distance while popping 100mg of hydrocholorthyazide. Then I would lean back and drink lite beer until the crowd dissipated, then when they were gone, I would go to the grave side and offer my personal reflection of grief, ah the sweet relief.
It's a way to tell all who knew you, "Hey, I may be dead, but I can still be a tasteless a-hole one more time."
Six people are either jerks or having jerks for relatives and this is national news?
I sure hope the WSJ does not send its crack investigative journalists to find out about my bowel movements.
I love to tell my Teabaggeresque family members that my friend Hussein was baptized and confirmed while growing up in Amman, Jordan . . .
Campaign finance…. from *beyond the grave*!
If the republicans can figure out how to tap-in to the non-living voter base, they'll have this next election tied up for sure. I'm sure Rove is in Tibet somewhere working on necromancy even as I write this.
Donations?! That's a rather large assumption given that their ilk would rather shoot someone than give up their "hard-earned" money, as they often underline with red-faced, spit-n-cheese sprayin' rants.
I actually heard about this before it was national news. I had the presence of mind to send a wreath, and it said:
Ha, ha, motherfucker. You're dead and I'm still President. Kiss my black ass.
- President Barack Hussein Obama
they were very unhappy with Bush
even more unhappy with Obama
both parties corrupt to the core
Problem: not enough memorial loot from Teabaggers & kin for the GOP.
Solution: Real-life die-ins.
I expect Dick Armey to get on this ASAP.
Ok, that's it: Release the Death Panels!
I still love you, (older) white people. But, you're making it awfully damn hard, I can't lie.
He knew they was just gonna steal the flowers from in front of the county courthouse any old how.
Well, glad she is dead then
If my grandpa died and left his money to some slackjawed shitbird no-hoper like Christine O'Donnell, I'd piss on his grave every morning.
If there's one thing my mom taught me, it's that I should never listen to my mom.
You're not a failure. I just tend to use hatefister trigger words such as "fuck", "cunt", "retard", and "Palin" (redundant?) more often than the average Wonketterrorist.
Draws them like bears to honey?
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