winners of the future

Palin Fans Organizing Plan To All Pull Over To Side of Road For Some Reason

Everyone has a Sputnik Moment.Personality cultists have such an abiding faith in their messenger that they’re certain everyone will accept this cult figure if only everyone could hear the message more often. And that brings us to the Palin-worshiping conservative group Stand Up America, which just wants all Americans not otherwise occupied with a job or kids or whatever to drive to their “nearest highway or main route” on March 13 at 4 p.m. Eastern time and then pull off to the side of the road, presumably causing all kinds of traffic jams and car accidents. Why? “Sarah Palin called the Obama Administration’s actions the ‘Road to Ruin’!” Okay, yeah, that sentence tells this group what it should do, on the highway.

What it will be is FUN, and a great way to vent your frustration, without being labeled, or maligned!


• Imagine others driving by wondering “what the heck”? Wave to everyone;

• Get ten friends to do the same; or go to an over pass and hang temporary signs saying – “Time to stop!” Just imagine the imagery! But be SAFE!

• Once pulled over to the side, place calls or texts to your friends, take pictures, send tweets, flood Facebook with messages and photos, along with several million others on other highways across the land.

• Stay one hour if you can, get your friends to do the same, line up all your vehicles in a safe manner as far off the side as you can, and hit your horns.

• One hour gives the media a chance to react, a chance to get footage. Imagine the traffic reports!

• Hang a sign inside your back window, or use temporary soap to write a message safely on the window;

• Be a part of millions of people saying: “Stop the madness, we are pulling over and just stopping!”


Helicopters recording the event, YouTube filling with videos from every spot in America, with one message: “Just Stop”! Imagine seeing 300 cars pulled over for miles in California, in Texas, in New Jersey…etc.

Imagine the evening news and cable stations saying, “What the heck is going on?”

Do the math. If a car is 17 feet long, and 10 feet is maintained between each vehicle, it takes only 195 cars to stretch one mile. Imagine 500 tractor trailers pulling over for one hour! That’s over seven miles!

Haha, yes, do the math. And realize even a million vehicles spread sparsely throughout the roadsides of America wouldn’t create a disturbance, because the highways are already littered with broken-down old minivans and abandoned Hummers.

But hopefully their impossible dream will come true. Which would mean motorists on the freeway having car trouble wouldn’t have a single spot to pull over safely to the shoulder, which will cause millions of fatal car wrecks across the country along with endless standstill traffic jams everywhere else. Yeah, that will bring attention to some meaningless throwaway ghostwriter line Sarah Palin once uttered.

The ozone will be pleased. [Stand Up America via Wonkette operative “Will Sommer”]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
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  1. mklozotsky

    "One hour gives the media a chance to react, a chance to get footage. Imagine the traffic reports!"

    I plan to have to have a creepy make-out or light-to-moderate petting session with a cantaloupe while parked.

    Imagine the traffic reports THEN!

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Technically, the film does show how you can induce lemmings to their deaths, just not any sort of altruistic "suicide". So I say – game on by putting a TeaBagger only express lane right to the lip of the nearest cliff.

      2. Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

        so, what are you saying? are you saying disney lies!?! and i suppose there's no such thing as snow widget and harry truman either! damn you! damn you all!

    1. Serolf_Divad

      It will be FUN and a great way to vent your frustration with Lgic and Reason one last time before you hit the bottom.

      • Imagine others watching your fall thinking "Oh, thank God those people will finally shut the fuck up…"

      • Get 10 friends to do the same. If they in turn get 10 friends that'll be like…. let's see… 10 x 10 x 10 x…. ok, math is hard. It'll be A LOT! Trust me.

      • On the way down be sure to snap a pic with your cell phone and see if you can e-mail it to someone before you hit bottom.

      • Stay down there until some hapless rescue crew is sent down to drag your 300lb corpse up the side of the hill.

    2. Serolf_Divad

      It will be FUN and a great way to vent your frustration with Logic and Reason one last time before you hit the bottom.

      • Imagine others watching your fall thinking "Oh, thank God those people will finally shut the fuck up…"

      • Get 10 friends to do the same. If they in turn get 10 friends that'll be like…. let's see… 10 x 10 x 10 x…. ok, math is hard. It'll be A LOT! Trust me.

      • On the way down be sure to snap a pic with your cell phone and see if you can e-mail it to someone before you hit bottom.

      • Stay down there until some hapless rescue crew is sent down to drag your 300lb corpse up the side of the hill.

    3. Serolf_Divad

      It will be FUN and a great way to vent your frustration at Logic, Reason and Empirical facts one last time before you hit the bottom.

      • Imagine others watching your fall thinking "Oh, thank God those people will finally shut the fuck up…"

      • Get 10 friends to do the same. If they in turn get 10 friends that'll be like…. let's see… 10 x 10 x 10 x…. ok, math is hard. It'll be A LOT! Trust me.

      • On the way down be sure to snap a pic with your cell phone and see if you can e-mail it to someone before you hit bottom.

      • Stay down there until some hapless rescue crew is sent down to drag your 300lb corpse up the side of the hill.

  2. Barbara_i

    Wow, what an Algonquin round table of fans this woman has.
    Luckily, we who aren't fans of the Failed North Star have our own vehicular fantasies and we are just going to sit at home and masturbate and eat Cheetos and watch this train wreck without ever leaving the couch.

    1. natoslug

      Those of us with trucks of our own need to hook up snow plows and have our own "roll" tribute. Over anyone on the side of the road at 4pm on 3/13.

      Hopefully that isn't too uncivil . . .

      1. Barbara_i

        I like the way that you think.
        As for these people who want to protest, who the hell has money to piss away on gasoline?

        1. mereoblivion

          What I really and truly meant was, The kind your playmate uses to give you a temporary handjob.
          Wait, not YOUR playmate, TK. ONE's playmate. To give ONE a temporary handjob.

          1. mereoblivion

            >>WTF is a "temporary handjob"?

            I'm afraid this leads us inevitably back to ChurchofRealism's original query: WTF is "temporary soap"? Perhaps the teatards plan to drive us insane by imprisoning us in a moebius strip of unanswerable and in fact completely meaningless questions!

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Some soap is almost permanent. My great-grandmother made some soap with ashes and tallow. My grandmother saved the leftovers in a shoe box, which I found after she died. I used them up and they lasted literally a couple of months each. I figure they were at least 25 years old when I got them.

    1. Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

      i guess it's temporary because, as one uses it, it slowly disappears. come to think of it, what the hell would permanent soap be? one of those swedish underarm crystals?

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe they'll try to use Palmolive or Dawn or something liquidy. That will be very effective in getting their message across. "Dang, Lurleen, this shit just runs down the windshield."

    3. poncho_pilot

      it's temporary until they put the soap in their mouths at which time it becomes food.

    1. Snarke_Diem

      Critical Mass = brilliant analogy. Those people are also angry & crazy and they'd ride their bikes over your mother's casket during her funeral just to prove they can.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe if enough of them do this, they'll create an "event horizon" or some shit and get raptured into a black hole or wormhole or some such sciencey thing. I like Irony.

  3. mereoblivion

    March 13 is a Sunday, Palinettes. A Sunday in March. The few Americans who aren't asleep on a Sunday afternoon in March will be home watching Selection Sunday or filling out their brackets.
    PS You can't really be this stupid, can you? This is all an act, right?

    1. Jerri

      And the rest will be going to church and then stopping off at the local Old Country Buffet to test God's stance on gluttony.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      An act? You bet.
      "Can't you see that this is the last act of a desperate (wo)man?"
      "We don't care if it's the first act of Henry V! We're pullin' over and honkin our horny horns to show that we're assholes!"

    3. Native_of_SL_UT

      Not to mention that there will probably be a NASCAR race on then.
      I wonder if some of them good old boys will pullover to the side of the road?

    1. mereoblivion

      But if a man in an unmarked, panelled truck pulls up and offers you candy, run away. Further into traffic.

  4. GuyClinch

    They forgot one bullet point: Place one end of rubber hose on tailpipe and bring the other one in through the window! That'll show them how fed up we are!

    1. earling2

      you beat me to it… on the other hand, with all the socialist, EPA liberal elitist regulations on car emissions, they run so clean now you can safely breathe the exhaust

  5. Rosie_Scenario

    The way these crybaby teabaggers are carrying on, I'm surprised Obama hasn't told them to "Shut up, or I'll pull the car over and stop." Is this in place of shutting down the government. Such good ideas. Where do retirees/ those on disability/ morbidly obese have to go anyway?

    1. V572625694

      Or, as parents used to say before the triumph of front bucket seats, "If you don't quit picking on the Democrats you're going to have to sit up here with me!"

    2. Negropolis

      I was once on a school bus where the frazzled driver threatened oh-so-seriously (and screaming, no less) to drive the bus into a brick wall if we didn't quiet down. After we got to the school, some smart-assed kids decided to further provoke her, and she refused to let kids off the bus until it got quiet. We were on the bus for probably nearly and hour, and she screamed obscenities at us the entire time. This was at a private school so it never made the local news.

  6. Ducksworthy

    Also, if you're on the socialist Eisenhower's interstate call the highway patrol and tell them what you're doing. Be sure to give them your name and license number in case they can't get to everyone.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Excuse me, that there is a HITLER HIWAY. Let's call these socialistbahns what they are: Life in the fascist lane.

    1. emmelemm

      That would be just about the only good thing to come out of that movie, no?

      (What a steaming pile that movie was. And I say that as a tree-hugging hippie who has no problem believing that the trees might rise up and kill us if we keep treatin' them so bad.)

    2. Tundra Grifter

      Have you read that lemmings don't really do that? That they were herded over the cliff for the making of that nature movie?

      I read it on the Internets – so it must be true…

  7. EdFlintstone

    Thousands of people pulling over jammed thruways at rush hour, what could go wrong? These are the kind of death quarter panels I can get behind.

  8. Sharkey

    Imagine the cops giving you a ticket for pulling over on a road clearly marked "Emergency Stopping Only!" Just imagery how easy it will be for the cops to get their quota!

    Stop the madness by becoming insane!

  9. Callyson

    "Stay one hour if you can, get your friends to do the same, line up all your vehicles in a safe manner as far off the side as you can, and hit your horns."
    Also known in Los Angeles as "rush hour." Yeah, causing even more traffic will win the hearts and minds of the voters…

  10. edgydrifter

    You know, they'd REALLY make a point if they all suddenly jumped out from between parked cars and tried to dive across the road. I don't know what that point might be, but I totally encourage them to try their hardest.

    1. EdFlintstone

      Teatard Death Race 2011 and I want to be Machine Gun Joe Veturbo. How many points are the old fat ones worth again?

      1. genxr

        You get fewer points if you dodge the hoverounds lined up on the streets and take out the corporate executives who put them there, but it's a real crowd-pleaser.

  11. GOPCrusher

    And when the police start writing citations for impeding traffic, TeaTards will move along, since no one told them that it might take money out of their pockets.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Of course we'd care! In the even of Rapture half of our problems would instantly disappear. Huge win for both sides!

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          OK, Debbie Downer, here's the negatives:

          – Rapture is a particularly silly notion, and unlikely to happen


          – We're not going to be rid of these 'tards so easily

  12. PublicLuxury

    It would be so much more interesting if they stopped their vehicles anywhere, got out of them, and walked to the nearest Piggly Wiggly. There they could purchase their 4 liter bottle of corn syrup and hike back to their vehicle. For just a few minutes it would be just like the Rapture, only with more corn syrup

  13. Ducksworthy

    Also, after you've stopped your car on a busy highway, open the door and leap/waddle out and see if you can make it to the other side of the road, please? For Freedumb.

  14. Tommmcatt

    We should all pick a day and shove grapefruits up our asses to protest the endless stream of shit that pours forth from the mouth of Sarah Palin and her minions. Imagine the fun you would have at work doing that. DON'T FORGET TO WAVE!!!!!

  15. SayItWithWookies

    An hour without any Palin fans driving at all — this should be the safest hour in recent American traffic history.

  16. twitterific

    4:01 p.m. Disillusioned Ayn Rand fanboys, having finished their hour of Going Galt and the world not giving a fuck, decide to kill themselves.

    And no one notices THAT, either.

  17. baconzgood

    Pulling over on interstate highways funded by government to protest the prez wanting to fix them? How mensa.

  18. DeeJayKitteh

    "Stop moving forward, protest any forward progress, and just try desperately to stay still as long as we can" is the most intellectually honest message to ever come from the Tea Baggers.

  19. chascates

    This is crowd sourcing at its best. And in a tribute to America's past, everyone participating should wear a coonskin cap and smoke a corn cob pipe!

  20. OneDollarJuana

    I'm seeing a few problems here:

    – I'm not sure pulling over on just any old highway is legal unless you have a problem. There might be some tickets involved.

    – Waving at people as they pass you not having roadside trouble is surely going to attract police.

    – Haven't they seen all those police videos on the YouTubes showing drunks plowing into cars pulled over on the highway?

    – And that F. Lynn Vogel, Project Director. What's with that photo? It looks like he was thinking "who the FUCK are YOU looking at", just before he pasted the photographer.

    1. V572625694

      Pickups, minivans, SUVs and Ford Country Squire station wagons with fake wood on the sides across America.

  21. ManchuCandidate

    I think Palin's fans are who Jimmy Hendrix was referring to as "cross town traffic."

    You're just like crosstown traffic
    So hard to get through to you
    Crosstown traffic
    I don't need to run over you
    Crosstown traffic
    All you do is slow me down
    And I'm tryin' to get on the other side of town

  22. Snarke_Diem

    Welcome to Palinstein's America. For their next act, they will disable all traffic signals in the country, causing a literal Road to Ruin throughout the land.

      1. PubOption

        East St Louis has got rid of most of their traffic signals, because they don't have the money to pay for the electricity. Maybe some of the teabaggers would like to move to this libertarian paradise?

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          And then when they start bleating angrily that 'someone' should do something about these unmanaged roads. . .

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      I was thinking of an Allis Chalmers HD6 just moseying down the road, slowly knocking off all the mirrors, door handles, and any stupid fucks who happen to have opened their doors at the right time.

  23. GOPCrusher

    I only hope that when this idea ends up in EPIC FAIL, that the American public remembers that this was the idea of one Bible Spice. Because it will lead to hours of hilarity watching her explain this one away.

    1. keepem_sikanpor

      I tend to think of them as children. I would love to see Palin in person once just to shout out to her, "Hey $arah, your epidermis is showing!"

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        I have a feeling they would find permanent soap to be too elitist.

        Also too, do we want those poorly spelled signs on top of those odious trucknutz in our line of vision for the next six months?

  24. Jason_inthe_Peg

    So basically they want everyone to get out on the interstate and pull over near a rest stop and then umm?? Wait for their friends to show up and umm? Send texts and emails to their friends in case anyone wants to join them?

  25. smokefilledroommate

    I'm "imagining the imagery" of all the loony Xtians running around thinking it's the rapture.

  26. SorosBot

    What should the teabaggers who walk, bike or take public transportation to work – hahaha, sorry I can't keep a straight face thinking of a teabagger doing any of those things.

    1. Crank_Tango

      Oh I am sure there are a few teabaggers that use public transportation to get them and their hoverround down to the scooter store for maintenance.

      1. problemwithcaring

        They were going to use 'Nigger, Please', but abandoned it in fears of appearing being shown to be the racist they are.


    1. JustPixelz

      You are clearly referring to Ben Quayle's campaign ad where he began by saying the longest journey begins with a single step and concluded the we needed to just stop (spending). Go. Stop. They guy is a potatoe head.

  27. undeterredbyreality

    Imagine others driving by thinking "You stupid fucks."

    They'll never be able to figure out what 4:00 Eastern Time is anyway, so this ought to be a real hoot. Also.

  28. chascates

    • Be respectful, and patriotic to a fault

    This patriotic faultline is overseen by the project director, F. Lynn Vogel;
    Find the best place for you, no one is telling you where, find out for yourself.

    For those in Austin, Texas I suggest parking near The Draught House, Gingerman Pub, or the Flying Saucer. Although the happy hours don't start until 4pm CST.

    1. Snarke_Diem

      "… patriotic to a fault."

      That means attaching tiny flag pins to every square inch of your body.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      Patriotic faultline? Is that like the San Andreas faultline? Are they all going to drive into the area of the San Andreas and hope that it causes an earthquake and swallows them all up in the fiery, wrenching, grinding bowels of the earth? Christ! That's better than Viagra!!

    3. glamourdammerung

      patriotic to a fault

      That is the part where you cite where you believe the Constitution gives you the "right" to shoot lawmakers/judges/anyone else you disagree with, right?

  29. __kth__

    If you see an inexplicably pulled-over car festooned with Palinphenalia at the appointed time, I'd feel free to pelt it with garbage.

    1. Rotundo_

      I'm thinking that a generous supply of rocks and chunks of metal winging at them at 75 mph would be the perfect salute of solidarity to them. Or a tanker load of liquid pig poop.

  30. philpjfry

    Conservative jackoffs parked on the side of the road going nowhere while liberals drive past them on the way to winning the fuuture. What a great metaphore.

    1. Jason_inthe_Peg

      Not to get all nit picky but you forgot about the bitching and moaning. They will be going nowhere and bitching and moaning.

  31. weejee

    So Jack, on Sunday March 13 will you and Riley be renting another stretch limo on Wonkettes's Amex Platinum and cruise the DC interstates cheering the pulledovertards with drive-by pressed hams? Suggesting pressed-hams as it might still be too cold for mooning with the BA hanging out the window.

  32. UserButts

    Why is it every time the Teabaggers hate something they hassle everyone else?

    'Cause that'll get people to follow you. Unless your message is targeted at barely literate, double-down chomping, selfish, jingoistic individuals.

    Hey…wait a minute…

  33. WhatTheHeck

    Its a Sunday, dumb Sarah. The Sunday Daylight savings begins. Do you expect your fans to know if they are supposed to know if to move forward or fall backward?

    1. Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

      i once overheard someone on daylight savings day say 'i know it's fall back and spring forward, but is it spring or fall?'

      true fucking story.

  34. undeterredbyreality

    "What it will be is FUN, and a great way to vent your frustration, without being labeled, or maligned!"

    Got a little optimistic on that one, yes?

  35. imissopus

    But make sure you keep your engine running so you don't stop releasing pollution into the atmosphere. After all, man-made global warming is a myth.

  36. AntonovBureau

    Can I have instructions about what to put on my gun rack, and what to do with my truck nutz please?

  37. aprildh08

    This is actually a fantastic way to get a shitload of idiots off the road for even a short period of time. I fully support it, and several more instances of it in the near future. Particularly around, say, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

  38. Ancient_Hackery

    These folks must not be from near any metrolopis– most of the ones I've seen have turned the shoulders into bus lanes. Imagine the hilarity of a 12-ton bus hitting a long line of these parkers. Didn't Thoreau suggest something like this? Stop your horse by the roadside to protest something?

  39. Gopherit

    all of this relies on the assumption that Palin followers can 1. afford a car and 2. tell time. It is doomed from the start.

  40. thebeatgoeson08

    "Just imagine the imagery" is pure poetry. I'll be in a plane flying from Salt Lake City to Jackson WY at the time. Maybe I'll be able to spot them from the air – goodness knows they'd be large enough.

  41. metamarcisf

    "Road to Ruin" is easily the Ramones most underrated album. With cuts like "Bad Brain", "Go Mental", and the 2012 campaign theme-in-waiting, "I Wanna Be Sedated", it speaks to malaise of the Carter years while sounding as fresh today as it first did in 1978. The expanded CD adds Willow-specific songs like "Rock and Roll High School" and "Teenage Lobotomy".

  42. fuflans

    chinese make mental note to selves:

    in waning days of empire, lock up the peasants. at least that way you go down with dignity.

  43. DemmeFatale

    Is this like the time the Baggers turned on all their lights (even in their closets!) to protest Obama's energy-saving ideas?

  44. MinAgain

    Where I come from, when people start pulling their cars over to the side of the road, it usually means someone dead is passing by. So I'm not entirely sure what this stunt says about Sarah Palin's political career.

  45. lochnessmonster

    That's if you can afford the gasoline for your Hummer b/c it should be around $24.00 per gallon in two weeks!

  46. aguacatero

    Alaska's sizeable population of actual lemmings asks:

    How fucking stupid would a species have to be to engage in group behavior like that?

  47. AntonovBureau

    The only way this could conceivably work is a densely populated urban environment. Like where I live. Except I don't have a car, walk everywhere and will walk to the other side of the street if I see a fat exurbanite trying to attract my attention.

  48. glamourdammerung

    So she is trying to get her followers to impede progress by acting like they are failures.

    Either she is one stop from comatose, or one of the greatest comedians of all time.

  49. PuckStopsHere

    Imagine others driving by wondering “what the heck”?

    Uh…isn't the idea behind an effective protest letting others know what it is you are protesting ABOUT? You know, to get an idea or a point of view across? Jus wonderin'…

    1. SanfordandSon11

      Imagine others giving a second thought to your unnecessary and cruel excuse for an existence.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I hate to do this, but when you lob a softball like that:

      "Hey, me too!"

      "What is this, an episode of "How I Met Your Mother?"

      Sorry, nothing personal meant.

  50. Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

    "What it will be is FUN, and a great way to vent your frustration, without being labeled, or maligned!"

    if this is their idea of "fun" (sorry, "FUN") what the hell do they call "not FUN"?

    and, oh no, i'm sure they won't be "maligned" (sorry, "MALIGNED") at all, by anyone, ever.

    p.s. i don't have a car. can someone give me a ride to the apocalypse?

  51. petehammer

    "Imagine 500 tractor trailers pulling over for one hour…"

    It is hard to imagine since they are paid per mile traveled. That hour of freedom is a smaller paycheck for them.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Those tards will be mighty upset with Walsmart when their cool ranch dorito's and diet dr. pepper aren't stocked because their shoulder stunt affected interstate deliveries.

  52. AlaskaGrrl

    This is the single most stupid idea since John McCain picked the 1/2 term nitwit in the first place.

  53. DaRooster

    Howz about… Pull off the side of the freeway… get out the driver's side… take 5 steps… lay down and wait there…

  54. maureenn

    This sounds like so much fun!

    I'm going to pull over and ask them if they need help. Then, they'll try to explain what they're doing. And, I'll just keep asking them if they need any help. Woo-hoo!

  55. Mahousu

    … vent your frustration, without being labeled, or maligned!

    Well, other than that citation for "impeding traffic" and "failure to obey highway signs (emergency parking only)" which will label you with two points and malign you with a $100 fine.

  56. bumfug

    And nobody will expect it when they pull over since these old fucks will have had their blinkers on for the last twenty-five miles.

  57. Snarke_Diem

    Actually, I am somewhat relieved by this development. I usually expect Lou Sarah's fans to "not retreat, but reload!" and then blow me away right there on the sidewalk. This just seems a bit more passive than usual. Definitely not Lou Sarah's own idea.

  58. Crank_Tango

    Dear Patriots, in honor of nobammer fucking us in the ass, let's all drop our pants and cram a non-racist watermelon up our own personal ass at oh who cares whenever you feel like it.

  59. problemwithcaring

    1) In 99% of the country, there is zero traffic on Sundays, so an event like this will be "extremely easy to ignore" by virtually everyone.
    2) These idiots encourage people to bring a semi-truck, a tractor, or an RV (and if possible connect a boat or trailer to make yourself "look longer,") then pull over for an hour with the engine running. Meanwhile, they promise, with typical delusion, the event will only cost protesters "a gallon of gas."
    3) Why is Puerto Rico and Hawaii on that map? I thought this was a protest for "real Amerika"?

    1. not that Dewey

      And most local "news" stations are running Joel Osteen infomercials all day, so not much coverage, also.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      connect a boat or trailer to make yourself "look longer."

      That's one angle those "bigger penis" emails haven't hit on yet.

    3. jim89048

      Maybe we should all pitch in to bus them to the 1% of the country that does get traffic–you know, the 405 in L.A.

  60. yyyaz

    I'm gonna make a gazillion ameros selling TrukNutz and bumperstickers from a rented truck conveniently parked at a rest area. Not to mention the fetish porn. Also.

  61. Hatrabbit

    It's like they're inventing a whole new kind of commuter lane, where each car has two or more passengers sharing no more than one brain.

    They could call it the "Lame Stream Lane'.

    1. gef05

      That's the one that crashed and burned, right?

      Don't misunderstand me, I know about the Hindenburg disaster.

  62. yyyaz

    If enough people want to paint a funny face of their favorite TeaTard on their butt, I'll rent a bus with lots of windows and paint Moonlight Express on the side of it.

  63. Waffleflower

    I'm reading The Palin Matrix now. Thank goodness the great silent majority of Americans are not idiots honking for Sarah! The truth is out there… somewhere.

  64. V572625694

    So who/what is/are "Stand Up America"?

    From the Web site:

    "The Stand Up America US Project was founded in 2005 by MG Paul E. Vallely, US Army (Ret), as a multi-media organization that involves publishing, radio. television, speaking engagements, web site, writings of articles for publication as well as books."

    And who is MG Vallely?

    From Wik-uh-pedia:

    "Paul E. Vallely is a retired US Army Major General and senior military analyst for Fox News."

    That seems clear enough.

    1. Steverino247

      His son, Scott, appears to have been killed during combat training in 2004. No details on any of the usual web locations, but he wasn't (yet) in combat. You'd think the MG would have an epiphany about his own career and how batshit crazy he was to get at Muslims, but nooooooo.

      He was this nuts before his son was killed and he's not gotten any better. The correct path is to recall him to active duty and then tell him to shut the fuck up.

      He was also part of the cover up for outing Plame, so he's already in the service of the Dark Side.

      1. V572625694

        The son was killed in the qualification course you take to become an Army Ranger, the roughest, toughest sort of infantryman/commando. That fact contains irony but the loss of a son is too sad to goof on, at least for me.

        1. Steverino247

          Agreed. Since I came very close to losing mine, I know the joy of the near miss, you might say. The kid should not have been killed during that training, though, as there are very stringent safety rules. I knew some complete idiot officers that passed the Ranger course so the rules worked then.

  65. Barrelhse

    Sitting ducks on March 13, 4:00PM- heh heh.
    Bag of dogshit? predator drones? rotten eggs? yards of derision dumped on them?

  66. Dances_For_Ham

    ……..and all that was left as these true Americans drove away was detritus of their sad, empty lives. Fast food wrappers, diabetic syringes and thousands of half smoked Chesterfields.

  67. mourningnmerica

    As a loyal member of the left, I must insist we develop a counter demonstration. I'm not sure what it should be, but I think something involving urine and a fire extinguisher, or possibly human feces and a catapult…

    1. genxr

      The only appropriate counter-demonstration I can think of would be a bullet train running at 200mph alongside whatever highway they've stopped on.

    2. Barbara_i

      I say that we sleep in late, make love, have a big stack of blueberry pancakes and a rasher of bacon and then lay back down to take a nap until hockey comes on. They will only have fun with this if someone notices them doing it.

  68. rocktonsam

    doesn't somebody have a trademark on "lets roll?"

    unless queen dingbat is sending out vouchers,her fans can't afford to drive for food let alone this dipship stunt.

    rhymes with stunt

  69. earling2

    In most major cities, thanks to our amazing highway infrastructure and suburban sprawl, you can't really tell the difference between a car pulled over and stopped, or a car just sitting there burning gas in a traffic jam.

    1. problemwithcaring

      Evangelicals write-off Lent as just another ceremony of the "high Church."

      Translation: Elitists wanna take away our anus burgers and infringe on our teenagers baby-making time!

    2. CrankyLttlCamperette

      Canon Law Loophole: Sundays in Lent are always feast-days, never fast-days, so anus burgers for EVERYONE!

      But only on Sunday. Monday, you're back to tofu.

  70. Slim_Pickins

    On Sunday afternoon, aren't the highways reserved for little old ladies returning from church? They're especially dangerous after communion.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Little old ladies do confession and communion and yes, they are dangerous as hell, clutching a one-way ticket to the pearly gates like that.

  71. mavenmaven

    I hope they try this in LA. The youtube vids of the ensuing bloody violence will be worthy of Jerry Bruckheimer.

  72. WhatTheHeck

    This will be the greatest assemblage of Truck nutz in the history of the world part 2.Ever.
    Call Guiness World records people.

  73. Steverino247

    To summarize:

    –It's a Sunday, so there will be no traffic.

    –It's dangerous to pull over on the side of the freeway if there's drunks on the road.

    –It's a likely vehicle code violation as there is no emergency.

    –It's pointless.

    Have fun, stoopids!

  74. Janinthepan

    I would just like to say that I have been seriously depressed for 2 weeks now, and these comments have made me feel a lot better.

    1. Rotundo_

      It's why we're here. Laughing at the bastards is theraputic for us and burns them more than tossing insults at them. They have no sense of humor, hell they have no sense at all. I'm just trying to come up with some good balloon filling (catfish bait, aged in-balloon?) to celebrate the day as it should be.

    2. problemwithcaring

      I am always encouraged by the fact that there are many, many people who feel just as hopeless about the fucked up world as I do. Bright light in tunnel, etc.

  75. DoktorZoom

    Even better idea for Palin supporters: To commemorate her famous "No thanks" to gummint funding of the 'Bridge To Nowhere" (Once it got bad publicity, at least), her fans should stop their cars ON BRIDGES AND OVERPASSES, then they should march, or better yet, jump up and down in unison, so they get a good rhythm going, creating both a political and physical "resonant frequency" that that will "bring down the structure" of the wasteful government. If enough Palinistas do this, I think we can all be proud of the inevitable results.

  76. bflrtsplk

    Now, remember everyone, to park on a steep grade – uphill or downhill unimportant – put your vehicle in neutral with the emergency brake in the off position. That'll show ém somethin.'

  77. mookeydee

    Didn't Francis Fox Piven write the handbook for this activity in 1776? I'm sure I saw it on Glen Beck's Founding Fathers' Socialist Revolution chart.

    1. jim89048

      I doubt they could tell the difference between a fault and a fissure, but it'll be fun to watch them throw a salute at it, anyway.

  78. OneYieldRegular

    Good thing they'll be safe in their cars parked by the side of the highway, because I predict a national pandemic of drive-by mooning that day.

  79. Tundra Grifter

    Let's Roll…to a Stop.

    Stand UP for America – by Sitting Down In Your Car.

    Park your car – then lean on your horn.

    IsweartoGod – you just can't make this stuff up…

  80. Redhead

    "Imagine seeing 300 cars pulled over for miles in California, in Texas, in New Jersey…etc."

    So… 300 cars scattered across the US, waving at other drivers while talking on the phone, hanging signs that say "just stop." They do realize that people will probably think their crappy cars have broken down, notice the Palintard bumper stickers, shake their heads in disgust and keep going, letting someone else stop and help the Palintard.

    It won't get them labeled or maligned… with any new labels, since it won't be much different than most days…

    1. SorosBot

      They will be labeled, with their own bumper stickers; which studies show indicate a high likelihood of causing a car accident, but that's just that irrelevant science stuff.

  81. ingloriousbytch

    …and a great way to vent your frustration, without being labeled, or maligned!

    Oh you're still going to be labeled and maligned and I can't wait to come here and read it ALL.

  82. mumbly_joe

    To be fair, stopping in the shoulder of a highway and at best obstructing the roadway and causing crashes or congestion, and at worst, letting the rest of the world pass them by, is possibly the best metaphor for what these fuckheads want to do with our country.

    The only way we could make it better would be if they were driving up the shoulder in full speed reverse, without looking in the rear-view mirror.

    1. the_problem_child

      The only way we could make it better would be if half of them were driving up the shoulder in full speed reverse, without looking in the rear-view mirror.

  83. DashboardBuddha

    "If a car is 17 feet long"…

    What the fuck are these people all driving….Dodge Caravans? Escalades? Suburbans? No wonder this country is so fucked.

    1. chimpinatophat

      You're assuming they actually know how to work a tape measure, or know how to google "average length car".

      1. Beanball

        America's best selling vehicle last year was the Ford F-150 pickup truck.

        17 feet is about right..

  84. Limeylizzie

    Try that in New York City, to be precise try that in Harlem, and see where it gets you. You may as well just have a sign saying "We are Stupid, dozy, fucking white cunts. "

    1. jim89048

      I've seen that–doesn't matter if there's someone in the car or not, it's gonna be stripped, and fast.

  85. iburl

    Wouldn't it be more direct to just send the money for gas straight to Iran and Saudi Arabia and burn a bunch of tires to get the CO2 in the atmosphere?

  86. valgal2342

    This just reminded me of a news story out of Texas from the 90's where about 12 naked Pentecostals crammed into a car and went speeding down the road until they wrecked. Because God told them to. The news anchors reporting could hardly contain themselves. It's about time we had another story to test the mettle of our news anchors.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      You forgot part. God actually told them to drive to Louisiana, naked and packed in a car. Molly Ivins featured this is her column and pointed out the lunacy in their claim, since God would never send anyone to Louisiana.

  87. Dudleydidwrong

    Trying to figure this out. Paul McCartney saw two monkeys screwing on a road in India and wrote "Why Don't We Do It In the Road." Could it be that a fucktard was listening to an 8-track of The White Album and had a brain fart, thinking it was a message from On High? "Let's do it in the road…Do what in the road?…Oh, just stop and honk our horns…Wow! Brilliant!" The monkeys in India had a much better idea…

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      For some reason, I remember that my 1965 Impala SS was around 18 feet long. my 5-series is 15' 8", so this seems about right. I think my Mini Cooper S was around 12 feet long, but I doubt if there will be any of those cars participating.

  88. RowdyRacer

    I say we make some parade floats to ride while they are standing there waving like retarded kids at the county fair parade…we could throw candy and feel sorry for them!!

  89. alaninthecastro

    Once Republican Presidents built Interstate highways. Now they want everyone to pull over to the shoulder and wait for an hour. Progress!

  90. the_problem_child

    Palin Fans Organizing Plan To All Pull Over To Side of Road For Some Reason

    They need to pee?

    1. Negropolis

      Or how the Red Army defeated the Japanese at the Battle of Gettysburg. Or how Washington defeated the Haitians after crossing the Ohio River.

  91. NorthStarSpanx

    What, so they can infringe upon their First Amendment rights to impede traffic, cause hazardous driving conditions and record moving violations?

    Hang on, they'll be unwittingly contributing to Government coffers! UnTeaBaggery!

  92. EdFlintstone

    If you pull over at a Idaho reststop, be sure to say high to Larry Craig, he'll be in the middle stall.

  93. bitchincamaro2

    Please, please, please try this stunt on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. Latino drifty-boys in souped up ricers will plow sideways holes through your shit faster than you can say "roadside IED", yo!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      And the flatulent exhaust coming through the coffee-can muffler will be very annoying as well.

  94. Kgprophet

    Umm, this is a joke right? Time to Stop? No seriously. Aren't we all being duped by some hoaxter like the guy who faked the phone call to Gov. Walker?

  95. DrunkIrishman

    That's gold, Jerry! Gold!

    It's going to be humorous to see one or two random people pulled off to the side of the road slamming away at their horn.

    At least we'll know who to hit.

    Just think of the points you'll rack up!

  96. aguacatero

    Remember how they got all kinds of interesting, unique meteorological data from the few days immediately after 9/11 when the skies were closed to civilian aircraft — no contrails of ice crystals from jet engines affecting the weather over the continental US, etc. etc.?

    This could be exactly like that, except with stupid.

  97. ttommyunger

    The shoulders of modern highways nowadays are called "Emergency Lanes". The reason for that is so that Fire Trucks, Ambulances, Wreckers, Police Cars and other Emergency Vehicles can get around traffic to arrive at the scene of an emergency (wreck, heart attack, hit and run, etc.) without delay. That is why most states have laws prohibiting vehicles from stopping or standing in an Emergency Lane unless they are experiencing an emergency. Stupidity, short-sightedness and ignorance are all problematic, but not necessarily an "emergency" in the eyes of the law.

  98. glamourdammerung

    So, in keeping with the "Just Stop" theme, is Palin going to require her minions to buy their own rape kits?

  99. YasserArraFeck

    I know there are usually some pretty hefty fines for dumping trash along the highway. Can these 'tards be fined for leaving piles of unsightly garbage along the roadside? Even if it's just for an hour?

  100. Beanball

    It is illegal to stop on a freeway in the state of California for other than a breakdown or similar emergency.

    The Palinators should definitely do this.

    1. berkeleyfarm

      Yeah, I am suspecting that they aren't going to like Officer Friendly so much when s/he writes them a big ticket for being illegally stupid on the freeway.

  101. berkeleyfarm

    I am sure that one or more of you clever, funny people could gin up a site to check the answer to a variation on the eternal Mom-to-teenager question, "If Sarah Palin wanted you to jump off a cliff, would you?"and see if they bite.

    Because that's about the mentality we're dealing with here.

    (Remember. No TRUCKNUTZ!! or other obvious satire markers.)

  102. ShaveTheWhales

    I think this could get some real traction, at least on the East Coast, where 4:20 will be about mid-protest.

  103. weejee

    Bible Spice likely has a surprising "pull" with truckers. Will they run the risk to pull over and crawl back in the cab for a qwik fap with their favorite Photoshopped Palin? Since truckin' is their livelihood, the chance of getting a ticket for pulling a, er, ah, political stunt, seems perhaps a tad much.

  104. CrankyLttlCamperette

    I believe that a solid hour blaring one's horn constitutes a serious noise violation and is usually a ticketable offense. The cops are gonna hit a bonanza with this one.

  105. AKHottie

    HaHaHa! I am so there! I gotta see Snowdrift Snooki pull a line of truckers. And then I'm going to the emergency phone to report all the vehicles that have "broken down" on the highway. I hope the state troopers check for insurance cards and current drivers license, registration and safety check. Cuz you know how all the freedumb lubbers hate that gubmint tellin' you what to do.

  106. Negropolis

    Get ten friends to do the same; or go to an over pass and hang temporary signs saying – “Time to stop!” Just imagine the imagery! But be SAFE!

    Yeah, that sounds like a great idea because it can be done safely. :rolleyes:

    So, will all these fuckers be jailed for reckless driving and inciting a panic?

  107. insidebeltway

    Better yet, they should all get onto the highway and drive in reverse. That's where they want to go anyway.

  108. DashboardBuddha

    [In a sheriff's station, somewhere in American a brave sargent addresses the officers as they leave for their patrols]

    "Ok, boys and girls. We've all heard the stories about the budget cuts and possible layoffs. We have some good news at last. This Sunday we will have a bumper crop of traffic tickets just waiting for us. Each one of you will come back with a least 10 citations or I'll know the reason why.

  109. LiveToServeYa

    Time to cruise the highway, armed with a Super-Soaker and looking for people taking pics of their car as it sits by the side of the road.

  110. L188188

    OK Wonketteers… make sure to print out a sign before March 13th (8 1/2 x 11 should do) and carry it in your car to display to any vehicles you may see pulled over that day. A simple message is best – "Fuck You and Palin" will work.

  111. hagajim

    This must be the greatest idea ever…if the quantity of comments on the Wonkette is any indication.

  112. McGrupp10799

    "Do the math. If a car is 17 feet long, and 10 feet is maintained between each vehicle, it takes only 195 cars to stretch one mile."


    195 (cars) x 17 ft = 3315 ft
    194 (spaces between each car) x 10 ft = 1940 ft

    3315 ft + 1940 ft = 5,255 ft
    a mile = 5,280 ft

    Doing the math their 25 ft short of a mile
    or 1 car plus gap short of being 2 feet greater than a mile.

    They said: "Do the math." Clearly they didn't

  113. outragedcitizen

    Seriously, considering the Palintards world view, wouldn't make more sense if they stopped in the middle of the highway, then put their car in reverse and drove backwards for an hour?

  114. lulzmonger

    1. Get bottles of etching fluid & label them "Temporary Soap"
    2. Sell them to Palintards on March 12th.
    4. LULZ! (& PROFIT, also too)

  115. 102415

    I just heard that Jaime Oliver called SP a Fruit Loop. So that could be SPFruit Loop for the new twitter account or the name of her new private jet or the next grandkid.This is exciting news for me I love Fruit Loops.

  116. miss_grundy

    Is there anyway that the message could be changed to "Roll off a Cliff"? Then, surely, we could get rid of a whole bunch of these idiots. Can anyone change the message on this group's website?

  117. Pinekatz

    Pull the van over, get out, clog traffic and scream at the traffic jam. Sarah Palin's Vision.

  118. nanooknw

    Actually, it is probably palin herself making this dumb a$$ suggestion.
    She is known to write about herself.

  119. awwalk56

    I think what they should do is 1pull over, 2 tape pic of Palin to steering wheel, 3 move seat back, 4 Grant Storms.

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