Ted Kennedy is dead, so we are now able to look at his (albeit very redacted) FBI files to see some of the very Kennedy sorts of things he did over the years. For example: An ambassador’s ex-wife said he and his brothers had sex parties with Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr. and Marilyn Monroe at a New York hotel. Also: He rented out an entire brothel in South America for one night in the 1960s, where he was meeting with various Reds and other leftist people part of the giving-people-access-to-health care conspiracy. Still, even when Teddy was renting out brothels for himself, he was a man of the people: “Kennedy allegedly invited one of the Embassy chauffeurs to participate in the night’s activities.” What a kind man.
This was all obtained from the FBI by the right-wing Judicial Watch, an organization that apparently hates sex and fun:
“The FBI’s reluctance to follow the law and release this material shows that it, too, is not above politics. Our tough fight with the Obama administration shows that it was not keen on letting the American people know that Ted Kennedy, one of Obama’s leftist politician heroes, liked to hang out with communists and prostitutes,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton. “We will continue to investigate why the FBI improperly chose to keep this information secret.”
If it was kept secret, it wouldn’t be a secret sex party, duh. It would just be a sex party, which sounds gross.
We still miss Ted Kennedy, champion of the little guy, a man who believed we should all have access to hookers and the health care to treat whatever the hookers gave us. [Judicial Watch via Gawker]
{ 139 comments }
Man, Marilyn Monroe could really pull a train!
Wasn't she on the Academy Awards last night?
She was the little ingénue that could.
"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…"
A+++ WOULD FIST AGAIN!!!
That's why they called her "Santa Fe!"
Only the sexually repressed wingnuts would look at sex parties and see them as a bad thing.
Sex that does not take place in bathrooms is immoral. Unless it involves diapers.
Plus, I'm pretty sure Kennedy's sex parties involved mostly sex with (ew!) women.
Not just that, but adult, consenting women. EW!
I was attempting to remove my comment in deference to my penguin friend (below) saying the same thing, but now I can only do this
and give him my thumb.
Damn iPhone! I did an accidental downfist. I will look for another comment of yours to upfist. Deep apologies.
Don't ask, don't kvell.
Well the key here is that the sex parties were with women. No one was apparently wearing diapers or banging 5 year old albino male twins. No wonder the Repugs found it disgusting. Not enough perversion.
Like
Wait, I thought this guy was a Democrat.
Hello, there was at least one woman at his sex parties.
Maybe it was J. Edgar Hoover in drag.
That's why the FBI gave only some information.
And a one-eyed black Jew.
It is shocking to learn that the FBI is not above politics. I had no idea!
Shorter FBI: "Teddy Kennedy was even more fun to hang out with than you thought."
Its a pretty big deal when an FBI agent is in charge of the bowl with the carkeys.
Our tough fight with the Obama administration shows that it was not keen on letting the American people know that Ted Kennedy, one of Obama’s leftist politician heroes, liked to hang out with communists and prostitutes
Uh..back when this shit was going down, Barry was but a twinkle in some Kenyan's eye.
Biggest news of the Monday: We found something the administration puts up a tough fight about.
Do the GOP'ers really want to get into a tit-for-tat (pun only slightly intended) with the Democrats regarding sexual practices? Really? Hint for the conservatives. Partying with Sinatra, Sammy, and Marilyn is not anywhere near as shocking as partying with underaged boys and livestock.
Kind of a step above trolling Craigslist for trannies.
So, you really are Chris Lee?
I'm shocked that Teddy K loved to fuck (it is a really ugly picture… more mind bleach more mind bleach) Not really.
However, I can see why this shocks Judickal Watch. No chicks with dicks.
Republicans don't rent out brothels. They like their whores one at a time.
Also……Kennedy had moobs. Who knew?
I wish I could rent a brothel to party with my commie friends.
There are communists, there are prostitutes, but communist prostitutes are few and far between.
And herein lies the inherent problem with capitalism. From each according to her ability, to each according to his need, Comrade Hooker!
Ukrainian Mail-Order Brides.
Fortunately for our Ted, they weighed people using the metric system.
They mostly object to communal ownership of the Means of Seduction, I think.
Why rent? Buy now!
You know who else liked to hang out with prostitutes and other sinners? Jesus.
Charlie Sheen?
Commies, too. Or, at least, all of the people who palled around with Jegus ended up going around afterwards talking about "each [giving] according to their ability" and "giving to each according to their need"
But Jesus didn't hang with commies. No way! Our Jesus never hung out with a communist.
unless the chaffeur was an underage Morccan, Burlusconi is covening Italian parliament to label Uncle Ted as "amateur"
…so we are now able to look…
Too soon, Wonkette. Tooooooo soooooooon.
~
Did he also enjoy drinking and boating? Playing a bit of football with the family on Thanksgiving, perhaps? Is that in the super-secret files too? I'll be over here on the edge of my seat waiting to find out.
ON A BOAT? ON A BOAT? On a boat would be even better
All of Teddy's parties should have been on a boat. You can't drive a boat off of a cliff and it's already in the water.
I wonder was it full of dildo's and condoms, like James O'Keefe's luvboat?
dildos yeah, but condoms?
As Dr Seuss would say…
Would you, could you, on a boat? I could not, would not, on a boat. …
I don't dare google it, but I think it's a good bet that Dr Seuss cosplay is whole 'nother subgenre. There's probably stinking reams of Dr Seuss character slash fiction out there, too.
Ted Kennedy played for the Minnesota Vikings?
You know what would be shocking? If we found out he was a sober, serial monogamist and only pretended to be a party Bear for the public. It's hard to recall the line between where Teddy ends and Joe Quimby begins.
I whole heartedly approve the er, uh, above message!
Come on, that fruit was right at waist level, I just swung my dick and knocked it right off the branch.
I was just giving you your kickbac–I mean brib–I mean, you know repaying you for 'that thing'. Did you ever get the negatives?
When the prostitutes are themselves communists, is it called a "brothel" or a "jizz extraction collective"?
The People's Glorious Jizz Extraction Collective.
Be sure to ask for the "Full Lenin"!
From each in order of her ability, to each comes according to his needs.
Upfist correction!!!
The Soviets had a subgenre called "Girl-Meets-Tractor" porn. Or in Ted's case, two tractors.
The Red Condom is the most powerful of all!
And he managed to do all this even before the Internet! That's pretty awesome!
Breaking News on Judicial Watch: Millard Fillmore Sex Scandal!
I'm on a motherfuckin boat, y'all!
I got my swim trunks and my flippie flops…
Robert Maxwell's dying words?
Natalie Wood's.
Too soon?
Natalie Wood?
Too soon?
Natalie Wood's?
Too soon?
If you can't rent every hooker in town and make rum geyser from the fire hydrants, what's the point of being a Kennedy?
Some days I really miss living in Boston.
This reminds me of a quote from "Office Space":
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Fuck yeah. USA USA USA. Charlie Sheen is the only real man left in this country.
That guy's a fuckin saint, a saint, I tell ya.
I think the FBI should redact those moobs.
He should have used "The Bro"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfONNfAjyrc
The good old days, when men were men, and STDs were curable! Who sees a problem with this? What happens in Chile, stays in Chile.
People be all calling Charlie Sheen crazy, Charlie Sheen isn't crazy, he's a throwback to the days when men were men.
X 2.5
I dunno, apparently, according to one of the rented porn stars, Sheen didn't have orgies with them but sat around watching and critiquing other porn performances with them.
Not what a real man would have done (at least not what I would have done).
Ah ha, but Sheen replied to that in an interview this morning. He said, and I quote, that the porn star who said this is a "retarded zombie." Charlie has not openly announced that he now has a harem, consisting of Bree Olson and others who seem to come and go, and he is open and out about it. He is a hero, I tell you, an absolute hero, who else on this earth has the gigantic balls to publicly announce "Sure I smoke crack and orgy with pornstars all night, I make it to work on time every day, so fuck you." You go, boy.
“We will continue to investigate why the FBI improperly chose to keep this information secret.”
Shhh, it's not a secret, we all knew. It's just that it's not a big deal to us. He worked hard and he partied like it was 1999.
If anyone has any Marilyn Monroe postage stamps then pull them out, lick them and stick them all over your body and let's all be Ted Kennedy for a day!
This only goes to prove one thing: Ted Kennedy was the coolest Senator ever (admittedly it's a low bar.)
Also, really Judicial Watch? We're supposed to be shocked, SHOCKED that Teddy Kennedy was hanging out in brothels fifty years ago and holding gangbangs with half a dozen people who are all dead? What's next, Bill Clinton smoked pot when he was at Oxford?
Why won't the FBI admit Bill Clinton likes oral sex? COVERUP!
Next they'll report the SHOCKING news that Elanor Roosevelt was a lesbian, her marriage to Franklin was purely political and both had long-term girlfriends. And that Thomas Jefferson banged his slaves.
Why won't the FBI release its Jefferson files? What are they trying to hide? The FBI is not above playing politics with your tax Ameros, America!
And yet, trolling for cock in a Minneapolis Airport or wearing shitty diapers are considered admirable qualities for a Senator?
They didn't call it "Came-a-lot" for nothin', folks.
If the Tea Party gets teabagging, what does the Sex Party get?
I'll join up, as long as I don't have to wear stupid hats and yell at politicians this summer.
If the Tea Party gets teabagging, what does the Sex Party get?
http://www.sexauer.net
wow…worst sex toy company EVER.
That's not just a boat, it is a Concordia 40 Yawl, a beautiful sail boat, and a credit to the Senator's taste.
As as Teddy told Clarence at the confirmation hears, broadcast live on SNL, "Have you ever tried taking a girl out on a boat? I highly recommend it, they have no where to run."
Which is good when you can't really run anymore!
meh, wake me up when teddy's drinking booze off someone's pentagon contractor ass.
in a bandana.
"The FBI’s reluctance to follow the law and release this material shows that it, too, is not above politics."
I'M SHOCKED!!!!!!
alt text: ON A BOAT? ON A BOAT?
Would we be finding the Koch brothers teabagging James O'Keefe's minuscule acorns on a boat? With CNN video to follow, too, also.
Of course he invited the chauffeur to come along. Did you think he would want to drink and then risk driving off a bridge on the way home?
This just in. Teddy Kennedy is still dead.
Zombie Ted=my new hero, again.
I'm guessing in Ted's last days he wasn't thinking about all his legislative accomplishments. .More "man I banged Marilyn Monroe."
Sounds like, other than Joe, they all did.
Too soon?
Long as he wasn't wondering how his legislative accomplishments stacked up against writing "Death of a Salesman" or hitting safely in 56 straight games.
I wonder if they hang out together, in that cryo-head storage unit?
What a bunch of asswipes! Bush runs secret prisons around the world, torture, illegal wiretaps, detention camps … and these guys are worried about where Ted Kennedy's dick went 50 years ago. All so they can crowbar in the phrase "Obama’s leftist politician heroes" in a press release.
And wouldn't the "tough fight" with Obama administration have been easier if they made their FOIA demands during the aforementioned BUSH administration? Way to blow it Judicial Watch.
And — gotta say it — how many jobs could the Obama administration have created if they weren't spending so much energy in a tough fight with Ken Starr's love children?
hear hear on this one. It takes but one motherfucker to leak a treasure trove of documents from the Bush years.
And that motherfucker could be Joe Biden.
Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton: “We will continue to investigate why the FBI improperly chose to keep this information secret.”
FBI spokesperson to Judgemental Botch: "Duh, this guy was a *Kennedy*…who *didn't* know?!?"
Kennedy. I feel proud. He was a great host that knew how to treat his guest well and make them feel comfortable. This used to be called, "good manners". Now its viewed as nasty and shameful. Leave it to a repressed republitard to make hay out of oatmeal.
The FBI files also include Teddy's poetic tribute to the work of Robert Frost:
"Passing Out Drunk on a Blurry Evening"
Whose puke this is I think I know.
His head is in the toilet though;
He will not see me lying here
To watch his vomit ooze and glow.
My little date must think I'm queer
To lie here after drinking beer
And downing drinks the barmaids make
With tangerine and everclear.
She gives my harmless balls a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sounds the sweep
Of breaking wind and cocaine flake.
The spew is pungent, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And cookies to toss before I sleep,
And cookies to toss before I sleep.
Beautiful, *sniff*, just beautiful.
You truly are a giant among Men.
Second time Wonkette has set me weeping today.
You know who else used to hang out with prostitutes. J.C. that's who. (Not Jimmy Carter.)
John Calvin? (But unlike Ted he felt very, very guilty afterward.)
"Driving Mr.Teddy"
“The FBI’s reluctance to follow the law and release this material shows that it, too, is not above politics." That muffled laughter you faintly hear is coming from Arlington National Cemetery. Clyde Tolson and his cross-dressing, closeted, goober-smooching girlfriend, J. Edgar Hoover are sharing a laugh at this from inside their lead-lined caskets, chumps.
Feather boa lined, not lead lined.
Your point about the Boa is well-taken. He was flamboyant when he crossed. He did in fact, however, specify a specially lined and thickened casket for fear of his many enemies and detractors defiling his (already defiled) corpse.
Was that embassy chauffeur named Long Dong Silver, by any chance?
So was Marilyn's nickname amongst the boys Maritight? Oh the horror….
I think I'll take the liberal and the prostitutes over the Conservitard and the trillion dollar warz every time.
At least he died before he got fired from Two And A Half Men.
Were they equally "Shocked!(TM)" by DiaperBoy David Vitter? Or Danc'n in the Stalls star Larry Craig? Getting a little tired of the OMG!OMG!OMG! hysteria on the right over the hint of a rumor of the possibility of a chance that someone vaguely on the left might have engaged in some sort of adult activity.
Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton is just jealous and seriously needs to get laid.
No, I'm not volunteering.
Plus they're going to need a bigger boat.
The FBI is collecting intel in Chile in 1961 why?
Aren't communists and prostitutes… I dunno, diametrically opposed? Isn't the prostitute supposed to be the symbol of everything that is wrong with the capitalist system?
Or is this the same school of political thought where one can say "communist nazi" without having one's head explode?
Wait I don't see the problem here. I thought it was a right of passage for all senators to get a whole brothel to ones self. When you get elected Preznit you get the brothel and Charlie Sheen
titz or gtfo
Chris Dodd is thinking: if only I were born 15 years earlier.
The Doddster has had more than his fair share of strange. Trust me on that, and I'm looking at you, sister-in-law, currently living an anonymous life in the Tampa area!
All the drinking capacity of our own Tip o'Neill plus the catting around proclivities of Gary Hart and Bill Clinton combined.
We Massholes sure know how to build 'em right. Sail on, Teddy, sail on.
You guys certainly have fun while you're doing it, which is odd since you're all a bunch of supposedly repressed Irish Catholics.
Yep, Ted Kennedy lived a life of debauchery and got to bang lots of hot-ass starlets like Marilyn Monroe. And if you are a loser who lives a bleak, sexless life, this news is sure to reignite the thwarted sexual expectations you developed by naively absorbing decades of America's cultural propaganda. It just isn't fair that some liberal heir gets carte blanc access to the most gorgeous women God created while the Bill Kristols of the world couldn't even score a 'Michelle Bachmann' to save their lives. Then you, the Tom Fittons of the world, will swill some extra-strength Maalox and grumble about "Obama’s leftist politician heroes" while furiously stroking off to internet porn.
Meanwhile, nobody who gets laid will ever give a shit.
I think it sounds like a blast.
You know, I read somewhere that the last word out of JFK's mouth was "pussy."
So all those Richard Condon novels loosely based on the Kennedys were underplaying the debauchery?
"Ted Kennedy, one of Obama’s leftist politician heroes, liked to hang out with communists and prostitutes"
Is he trying to say there are people who don't?
Ted's titts were larger than Michelle Malkin's, but smaller than Pugsly Limbaugh's. What a strange, mammalian world.
needz moar keen eye for the obvious
Ummm…the picture? Did Ted have Impetigo or was he just mad freckled?
I'll take 99 Ted Kennedy's for every one Tea fucking Tard.
Left wing relaxation after some arduous meetings. People united will never be defeated. I vote for Teddy sex parties.
Last time I checked, Ted's first marriage ended because Joan was a hopeless alcoholic, and his second wife was still happily married to him at the time of his funeral.
That's all that matters.
No, what I think it shows is that they may have had reluctance since this shit would look tame compared to the Republican bullshit they'd have to release in kind, you know, the shit where we'd found out that they had people murdered and such. You know, really and actual damaging and morally depraved shit.
How is Dusty Rhodes going to win a Tag Team Title with a scrawny little partner like that?
Comments on this entry are closed.