POISON GARBAGE IS PATRIOTIC  12:46 pm February 28, 2011

Earth-Raping Dictator-Supporting House GOP Brings Styrofoam Back

by Ken Layne

As the Founders intended ...“Foamed polystyrene” is a miraculous invention that manages to be completely awful through every step of its near-eternal “life cycle” — it is manufactured with petroleum that must be imported from Middle East dictatorships, toxic “styrene oligomers” migrate into the food it holds, it’s highly flammable and produces black poisonous smoke, and most of the 25 billion polystyrene cups tossed every year will take more than half a millennium to degrade. And that’s why the Republican-led House of Representatives made it an immediate priority to cancel the House cafeteria’s four years of biodegradable food and beverage packaging. It’s part of the GOP leadership’s “return to the mid-1990s” program. Nancy Pelosi sure was a yucky woman trying to do some sane environmentally-minded things, wasn’t she? Thank the American Jesus that woman is no longer in charge of anything. A disgusted House staffer has shared the following eyewitness report with your Wonkette.

From: ______@mail.house.gov
To: “tips@wonkette.com”
Date: Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 9:38 AM
Subject: Bullshit styrofoam in the house cafeteria

Today the House cafeteria switched all the containers back from compostable and/or recyclable containers to styrofoam as another spit in the eye. This shit can’t be recycled, we are basically forced to throw Styrofoam in a landfill if we want to eat in the cafeteria.

Somehow this bothers me more than the EERE cuts.

Yeah, but the composting program cost money, and anything that costs money is very, very anti-American! Because money turns people into socialists and enviro-nazis or something. Also, the Koch Brothers say global warming is a Hoax! (Did you know the Koch Brothers literally bought an exhibit in the Smithsonian so they could make it say catastrophic climate change is just a happy part of every life here on Earth? It’s true! And it’s at the National Museum of Natural History, today! Kids, stop worrying! Another species might replace you in 165 million years! (Maybe a smarter species?)

It is morally okay to litter this Koch exhibit at the National Museum of Natural History with greasy styrofoam containers from the House cafeteria.

Anyway, more than a hundred American cities and counties have banned polystyrene food packaging — that means, “It’s illegal to use polystyrene food packaging,” because that is what people with brains do when they’ve recognized a problem, such as “the oceans are filled with bits of styrofoam coffee cups, forever.” And now the U.S. Capitol has proudly stepped back in time so that the fat-ass corrupt corporate lackeys of the Koch Brothers can report back to their masters that they really showed those treehuggers this time. [Washington Post]

It is also morally okay to pile up greasy styrofoam containers and coffee cups at the door of Boehner’s offices. Please send us pictures when you chuck your anusburger plate into the speaker’s lobby!

 
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{ 189 comments }

chickensmack February 28, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Did the Senate gift shop run out of "World's Greatest Asshole" coffee mugs?

freakishlywrong February 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Why, yes. Back in January. The beginning of January.

hagajim February 28, 2011 at 1:37 pm

And now they are replacing them with Worlds Biggest Asshole styrofoam cups.

Lascauxcaveman February 28, 2011 at 1:55 pm

And it would probably be even more appropriate to toss them into the Koch-funded propaganda display at the Smithsonian. Take a Sharpie with you and write "Die, Kochs, Die!" on the cup before you toss it, so folks know you're engaging in constitutionally protected political political discourse, rather than just littering.

Preferred Customer February 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

No, it had to order a whole sleeve of them, in Styrofoam, for the freshmen.

MinAgain February 28, 2011 at 12:49 pm

If I had a Republican handy, I'd kick him/her, just on principle.

OC_Surf_Serf February 28, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Freedom foam?

JustPixelz February 28, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Polystyrene cups are the perfect metaphor for the Repubicans: White, lightweight and bad for the environment.

Clancy_Pants February 28, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Lightweight? You must be referring to mental acuity and not Body Mass Index?

iburl February 28, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Also styrofoam cups' bottoms are frequently and easily penetrated by a man's finger.

V572625694 February 28, 2011 at 1:12 pm

In addition to an upfist, you get an "ew."

MarshallBanana February 28, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Dammit, I'm recovering from the flu here and your comment nearly sent me into paroxysms of coughing.

Tundra Grifter February 28, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Not to mention only useful once –

Lascauxcaveman February 28, 2011 at 1:56 pm

And when would that be? (The Republicans, not the cups.)

Tundra Grifter February 28, 2011 at 2:56 pm

LCM: I must agree you've got an excellent point.

Would "one-time" be better?

axmxz February 28, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Also, you shouldn't leave either one around children.

missemish February 28, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Every day I'm more and more sure these people are so eager to get raptured they'll do anything to hurry the process along.

DaRooster February 28, 2011 at 1:56 pm

That seems to be it, huh?

I'm thinking that I would LOVE to help…

Polythene Pam February 28, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I'm really looking forward to the rapture, too. The world's going to be an amazing place when those people are all gone

missemish February 28, 2011 at 3:49 pm

At last, the New World Order we've been looking for!

Boredw/Gravity February 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Jeez, even McDonald's, for crying out loud, stop using that stuff for packaging. They don't even use it as food anymore.

SorosBot February 28, 2011 at 1:46 pm

R.I.P. McDLT

HistoriCat February 28, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Alas – kids today will never the joy of a fast-food sandwich where the hot side is hot and the cold side is cold.

Beanball February 28, 2011 at 11:46 pm

I got into an argument in 1972 (!) with an employee at the MacPlace when I asked if she could just hand me the damn McMuffin (wrapped in waxed paper so OK) w/o the Styrofoam™. She kept telling me that MacClowns' rules didn't allow that. I demanded the manager, etc. I guess I came across as kind of a bully, cause the poor employee broke down in tears (yes I know, but I was an arrogant 20 yr old with little social acumen at the time). The mgr repeated the rules, I accepted the Styrofoam™ and proceed to throw it on his sidewalk on the way out.

(I'm still conflicted if that last act was a good thing or a bad thing.)

Anyway, it was twenty years or so before I stepped into another McAnus.

baconzgood February 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Some where an injin's crying.

mavenmaven February 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm

The resurrected polystyrene cup, that can never be destroyed or die, is symbolic of White American Jesus, who will appear upon earth and fix all our sanitation problems, but He will only reappear when all education and social welfare programs are slain.

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2011 at 12:53 pm

If I was a bartender at a bar in DC that catered to Republican congresscritters, all their drinks would get the special secret "dick swizzle" before being served to them. But first I would go out and contract a horrible STD.

Ken Layne February 28, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Just give 'em a "liberty swindle" instead: Make his drink as ordered, collect his money, and then punch his teeth down his throat and give the drink to somebody who deserves it.

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Master of subtlety, you are.

Fred_Wertham_Jr February 28, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I don't know. You could really hurt your hand punching someone's teeth down their throat.

Lascauxcaveman February 28, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I prefer to use one of those heavy-duty "cheater pint" glasses; the ones with the really thick glass on the bottom and a 14 oz. capacity (12 oz, if you give it a head.)

Aw, who am I kidding, I just aim for the throat, not the teeth. I can't stand the sight of blood.

freakishlywrong February 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Is this akin to ramming things down throats? Because this is an A+ idea.

Gleem_McShineys February 28, 2011 at 3:06 pm

and then punch his teeth down his throat

Use your penis: you'll get a returning customer and a good chance to contract that STD at the same time!

Rotundo_ February 28, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I think a two foot long length of 3/4 inch galvanized pipe or a good sized tire iron would get the job done while minimizing the risk of damage to ones' knuckles. If applied correctly, it also quiets them down considerably after the first dose if they make too much noise gargling blood and their teeth. They aren't worth the effort or concern of a fair fight anymore.

HistoriCat February 28, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Bah – you need to do it the Chicago way. They put one of your people in the hospital with no insurance, you put one of theirs in the morgue. Did no one listen to Sean Connery?

Terry February 28, 2011 at 1:13 pm

The way some of those upright Christian family guys drink, your peter would fall off and be permanently preserved from the alcohol like that frog you dissected back in 7th grade.

ttommyunger February 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Good luck with that Baldar, I've been trying my best for years and years and all I've been able to come up with so far is Crabs and the Clapp. Signed: "Still Tryin' in Atlanta"

OneDollarJuana February 28, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I know from personal experience that there is some kinda chemical in some lemon-flavored tea that I had in a styrofoam cup once that dissolves the plastic. Find that chemical and put it in each Lemon Drop that they order! I know, I know, the Lemon Drop is a girlie drink, but it's apparent that Republican Congressmen are kind of soft inside no matter how butch and gruff they are on the outside.

teebob2000 February 28, 2011 at 12:53 pm

They'd only be "earth-raping" if the earth is a man.

Or boy.

genxr February 28, 2011 at 12:56 pm

And it would have to be forcible. If the Earth doesn't resist, it's not rape.

kissawookiee February 28, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Have you SEEN how the Earth dresses sometimes? Sex is in the air!

teebob2000 February 28, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Or a tranny.

Beowoof February 28, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Really, the republicans are real assholes, your're kidding. Why take care of the planet, Jebeeus will be back soon to fix shit these republican bastards destroy.

freakishlywrong February 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

We have an entire major political party of U.S. America that is made up, to a person, entirely, of assholes.

Beowoof February 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I agree 100 percent and they are republican

Negropolis March 1, 2011 at 4:38 am

That's a given.

walstib February 28, 2011 at 12:55 pm

You need the styrofoam to make the homemade napalm… come on folks, calm down this is just a nod to their Brothers in Arms/Militia supporters…

Sheesh. You folks will politicize anything!

NeedsWants February 28, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Well it is consistent with their 2nd amendment policies (the right to destructive weaponry of any kind) so I guess I'll cut them some slack. Curse you, conservatives! You're always one step ahead of us.

Terry February 28, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Homemade napalm is called a "Carolina pancake" around here. I learn that from a friend years ago who at the time was a fireman. People would toss that crap on the firefighters as they ran into buildings responding to alarms. Wish I was kidding about that.

Dudleydidwrong February 28, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Does anyone know if using that shit causes some of the icky evil chemicals to enter the body of the user along with the food? If so that would be the only good news. You gotta hand it to the Rethugs–when common sense dictates doing something they will always do the opposite.

Mahousu February 28, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Sure it does. Try this experiment: Weigh a styrofoam cup on a sensitive scale. Then fill it with hot water and let it sit for a couple of hours. Dump out the water, let the cup dry thoroughly, and then weigh it again. Multiply the difference by 365, and you have a styrofoam cup user's average annual intake of various miscellaneous chemicals (styrene, ethylbenzene, pentane, who knows what else). Officially these are at non-toxic levels, of course, but I'd personally rather do without them.

BerkeleyBear February 28, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Non-toxic, maybe, but not safe in any real sense. Especially if you microwave the container (you aren't supposed to but people do – myself included). Given what we know now about soft plastics and birth defects (creepy, creepy stuff) this is not a tone any responsible employer should be setting.

Then again, they are Republicans, so responsibility would be expecting too much.

genxr February 28, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Republicans are going to bring back the McDLT!

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2011 at 1:07 pm

They probably have recurring wet dreams that every day they wake up it's still 1980.

Preferred Customer February 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Does that mean a revival of Jason Alexander's singing career, too?

GregComlish February 28, 2011 at 1:53 pm

The McDLT was the only adequately segregated burger ever sold in America. God did not intend for the mixin of the fixins.

genxr February 28, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Dang strait. Ain't no body callin me no lettuce lover.

Graham Cracker February 28, 2011 at 5:47 pm

"Segragated Burger!" No wonder the Rethuglicans want to bring it back.

OneDollarJuana February 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I just wish they'd bring back the Bonus Jack. Oh, it is back. Well, I guess they're good for something!

Gratuitous World February 28, 2011 at 12:56 pm

they get us coming + going. Boehner's chem-farm body of perfectly balanced poisons will also take 500 yrs to degrade

SmutBoffin February 28, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Johnny Boner is participating in a "pre-enbalming" service, where they render his skin leathery and saturate his internal organs with chemicals that don't biodegrade.

But he will look great when they put him in the pyramid they are building for him on the site of Lincoln Memorial.

baconzgood February 28, 2011 at 12:57 pm

"Re-Cy-Clean?"

-Charles Montgomery Burns-

imissopus February 28, 2011 at 2:21 pm

You adorable little ragamuffin!

genxr February 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm

It's 100% recycled animals!

OvertonWindolt February 28, 2011 at 12:58 pm

They need to agent orange the shit out of the mall and make more parking for fat tourists.

YasserArraFeck February 28, 2011 at 1:24 pm

They're not tourists, they're "HoverRound Americans"

cheaphits February 28, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Polystyrene should be outlawed everywhere and this –

http://www.ted.com/talks/eben_bayer_are_mushrooms

used instead.

NeedsWants February 28, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Corporations using mushrooms is change I can get behind. Just make sure they leave a few for the rest of us.

SmutBoffin February 28, 2011 at 12:59 pm

If G-d didn't want us to have foamed PS packaging, he wouldn't have made the dinosaurs, killed the dinosaurs, turned them into hydrocarbons, revealed the secrets of chemistry to a buncha Frenchmen in the 18th century, and given the Western world the political, economic, and military might to exploit these resources as He intended.

QED, libtards.

nounverb911 February 28, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I thought Jeebus rode around on dinosaurs, is he part of our oil too?

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Yeah, he's the easy-to-refine light sweet crude that oilmen love so much, rather than the heavy sour crude that's such a bitch to turn into gasoline and plastic gewgaws.

SmutBoffin February 28, 2011 at 1:15 pm

This is a popular misconception. Jesus was a dinosaur rancher, it's true, but he actually rode around in an extended cab pickup that his dad got for him.

NeedsWants February 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Just his old robes and stuff. You could be burning Jeebus fuel in your car right now!

Hey, where did this giant handbasket appear from? Oh, well might as well get in it.

RedneckMuslin February 28, 2011 at 12:59 pm

The earth is not going to be here in half a millennium anyway so why worry? Rapture anytime now peoples. Rapture me up, Scotty.

V572625694 February 28, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I really can't enjoy any meal unless it's served in styrofoam clamshells and consumed with plastic knives, and forks whose tines break off in the food, and garnished with some sauce-like substance squeezed out of a foil packet you need tin snips to open. Then you clean up with a tiny paper napkin, and suck your watery Diet Coke out of a (guess-what) cup through a polystyrene straw. Mm-mmm good, and you know it's safe cuz the clerk left a little bit of paper on the straw.

NeedsWants February 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

If your food packaging waste isn't at least double the size of what you ate, then you're not doing your patriotic duty.

OneDollarJuana February 28, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I think fast-food burgers are the "Jell-O 1-2-3" of entrees, with liquid, solid, and foam phases all in one ready-to-eat package!

ShaveTheWhales February 28, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Gotta love those paper straw condoms.

jim89048 February 28, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Have they reversed Nancy's non-smoking policy yet?

V572625694 February 28, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Smoking on the House floor would be awesome. They might even let Barry hang out there once in a while.

DaRooster February 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm

They smoked Boner… to a nice Salmon hue.

Jason_inthe_Peg February 28, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Styrofoam is the Jew of liberal packaging.

Wolverines!

Extemporanus February 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm

In the Republicans' defense, deep fried packing peanuts are pretty damn delicious.

chickensmack February 28, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Have you ever eaten a corn-starch packing peanut?

Extemporanus February 28, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Oh, have I ever. They're one of the few perks of working in a stockroom (free razor blades being another.)

At a retail job I had a little more than ten years ago, the stockroom manager—who happened to be one of Shepard Fairey's roommates at the time, and no slouch in the tagging arts—used to lick one end of a peanut (which turned it into starchy superglue), and then stick it on the wall to create these cool, whitehead-like portraits of his co-workers.

mereoblivion February 28, 2011 at 1:15 pm

They're the pea-nuttiest. Plus cholesterol-, transfat-, and sugar-free!

emmelemm February 28, 2011 at 6:05 pm

My mom's cat fucking loves the biodegradable, melt-down when ya lick 'em packing peanuts. It's CRAZY.

Seriously, she eats them.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 28, 2011 at 1:02 pm

This is just like when they ripped Carter's solar panels off the White House roof and then used them to bludgeon some spotted owls to death. Why do it? Because it gives liberals a sad, which is an end in itself, apparently.

GOPCrusher February 28, 2011 at 2:07 pm

It's like these morons that take great pleasure in announcing to the world that they are stockpiling incandescent light bulbs.
Despite the fact that they would save money on their electric bill, they would rather do something to piss another human being off.

MarshallBanana February 28, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Actually, the all-out banning of incandescent bulbs has seemed to me like the wrong way to go — a sales tax on them, akin to existing "vice taxes," would've worked far better. That way we'd make money on the idiots stockpiling bulbs!

JoshuaNorton February 28, 2011 at 1:05 pm

And the new special of the day is Condor Pizza.

DemmeFatale February 28, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Petty dipshits!

DashboardBuddha February 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I visited the The Great Pacific Garbage Patch and all I got was this hard to diagnose rash.

V572625694 February 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Same thing with the folks whose employers make them pickup highway trash. The roadside doesn't seem littered until you start looking and realize it's just fairly evenly distributed., but there's plenty of it. Some people — many people, apparently — think the world is their personal trashcan.

donner_froh February 28, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I would take part in a beach clean-up if there was a good chance of finding drugs in a watermelon.

edgydrifter February 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Also, all cafeteria waste must now be burned in open pits on the south lawn of the White House.

Gopherit February 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm

over which whole cows will be roasted 24/7.

Gopherit February 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I'm surprised they didn't contract with Dixie to funnel some more money to the Koch brothers

PsycWench February 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Who says they haven't?

Gopherit February 28, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Dixie is usually all about the paper…….styrofoam isn't as satisfying as killing trees.

Lascauxcaveman February 28, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Dixie makes foam cups, too. I've got a huge stockpile of foam and plastic cups, pretty much all with the Dixie brand on them.

I run a little hotel in a tourist town, and people leave whole packages of that shit (and other stuff) behind if our hotel happens to be the last stop on their Great Northwest Vacation.

I haven't bought mustard in 6 years, and I actually use quite a bit of mustard, on hamburgers, polish dogs, and delicious sammiches I make at home. Plastic cutlery? I've got 50 pounds of it, in every shade of the rainbow.

And those styrofoam coolers? I've got about 14 of them, I try to give one away every time a guest asks me where he can buy bagged ice. So anyway, some of it is getting recycled.

SorosBot February 28, 2011 at 1:51 pm

But see, we can always grow new trees; paper just doesn't have the same "Fuck you, environmentalists" message.

SheriffRoscoe February 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm

One side favors a thing that can only be used once, the other prefers something that can be reused over and over. Tell me, which side is "conservative" again?

Lascauxcaveman February 28, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Conservative ≠ conservationist. This was clear enough to me when I was a tadpole reading Ranger Rick Magazine.

Gleem_McShineys February 28, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I guess you aren't counting how often they are reusing failed ideas from the past?

zhubajie March 1, 2011 at 7:36 am

That's recycling of a sort, I guess.

Beanball February 28, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Well, garbage is garbage, but paper is made of trees and trees actually do grow on trees and kinda rapidly degrades, whereas Styrofoam™, not so much.

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2011 at 1:07 pm

As a geologist, I take the long view. In 400 or 500 million years, all the present continents and the landfills and all the other shit we have cluttered them up with will have finally been subducted into the asthenosphere as a result of plate tectonics. Problem solved!! Well, except the Pacific Trash Vortex, which by then will have become the Oceanic Trash Vortex and will have achieved consciousness.

Terry February 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

And on the plus side in areas not subducted, future geologists…way future geologists… will be a easily identifiable geologic layer filled with plastics to define the Age of Man.

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2011 at 1:30 pm

It'll be like the Cretaceous-Tertiary (K-T) iridium boundary we use today to define the point when the asteroid struck just before the last great extinction event.

zhubajie March 1, 2011 at 7:37 am

Archaeologists, too. Plastic is as typical of our age as pottery is of the Neolithic!

SorosBot February 28, 2011 at 1:52 pm

And hey, the Sun is going to swallow the Earth when it expands into a red giant in about five billion years, so why should we care about preserving the planet?

DerrickWildcat February 28, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Sorry ANWAR, Senator Inhofe can't very well hold his Freedom Fries in his hand now can he?

Native_of_SL_UT February 28, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Oh no. Another first person account from a Wonkateer. I hope you guys have learned your lesson and sent a reporter to personally investigate this before some Styrofoam lobbyist sends you a nasty letter.

genxr February 28, 2011 at 2:11 pm

You can hear the styrofoam lobbyist coming, he squeaks when he walks.

weejee February 28, 2011 at 1:07 pm

BTW, in the next couple of weeks, Barry's Bolshevik Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius may declare styrene a carcinogen. Put that in yer pipe and smoke it Mr. Streaker Boner.

jodyleek February 28, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Les Freres Terrible a la Koch probably made money on the paper cartons anyway, so I say boycott that freaking place and make your own lunch. Mark Bittman would agree, wouldn't he Ken?

WhatTheHeck February 28, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Banning styrofoam cups is a job-killer. And as far as the environment is concerned, when Jesus returns, he will burn all those cups in hell and thus save us from our trash.

Terry February 28, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Unless you own a southern pine plantation, then the move to paper containers is a-ok.

donner_froh February 28, 2011 at 1:09 pm

This is just a temporary measure until they can get production ramped up on containers made from the ground up remains of slaughtered kittens.

JustPixelz February 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

"The Itchy and Scratchy Reality Show".

mereoblivion February 28, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Spike? Is that you?

Extemporanus February 28, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I've gone on more than a few of those depressing Bataan beach marches myself (though mostly for the free syringes and cocaine, because I am a poor).

Everyone not familiar with the amazing work of British artist Stuart Haygath should definitely check it out. Without the generous contributions of assholes such as these, his Earth-rape assemblages would not be possible.

OneYieldRegular February 28, 2011 at 1:24 pm

He's really amazing. Thanks.

Worthly Wokette Skum February 28, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Not saying there's a connection, but this happened just days after a lobbyist provided several key GOP reps with polystyrene sex suits.

mrblifil February 28, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Poly Styrene? Oh bondage, up yours!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogypBUCb7DA

PsycWench February 28, 2011 at 1:16 pm

From my brief experience in my 20's, cocaine is a lot like budget cutting…the idea sounds great but reality is both numbing yet anxiety-provoking.

mereoblivion February 28, 2011 at 1:43 pm

At first I thought you wrote "in the 20's" and figured you were a time traveler. But no–you tried it the same decade (of your personal strifespan) as I.

Lascauxcaveman February 28, 2011 at 2:37 pm

I was generally pretty receptive to the idea of recreational drugs when I young and indestructible. But cocaine was by far the most disappointing thing I actually tried. Like I needed to be more of an impatient, twitchy, selfish bastard than I already was?

mereoblivion February 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Coulda swore those were baby seals. But then I spent as much of the 80s as possible in a stupor of H.S. Thompsonesque proportions.

LionelHutzEsq February 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

You try cutting a hole in the bottom of some wimpy, biodegradable container, or in a good, sturdy styrofoam container, and sticking your dick in it, and see which one you can get your intern to grab onto.

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Popcorn Surprise!! Great icebreaker on that first date!!

genxr February 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Do not try this with a styrofoam cup full of hot coffee. Trust me on this.

OzoneTom February 28, 2011 at 2:22 pm

It worked for Pat Boone.

Terry February 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Some cities employ skimmer boats that collect some, but not all, of the trash that washes into adjacent rivers or bays via the storm drains each time there is a heavy rain. They collect a lot, but barely a fraction of what washes down.

PabaBritannica February 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

If my agency brings this shit back, I'm going to feel morally obligated to save all the trays I can, chop them up into confetti, and hold a super happy birthday party at the Smithsonian Koch Brothers Exhibit. You're all invited!

MommysFetusJar February 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

"We got a thousand points of light
For the homeless man
We got a kinder, gentler,
Machine gun hand
We got department stores
and toilet paper

Got styrofoam boxes
for the ozone layer

Got a man of the people,
says keep hope alive
Got fuel to burn,
got roads to drive.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world."

See, Neil knew this would happen.

Ken Layne February 28, 2011 at 2:11 pm

"I'm stubborn as those garbage bags
that time cannot decay
I'm junk, but I'm still holding up
this little wild bouquet."

- another Canadian (Bieber?)

trampndirtdown February 28, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Oh Ken, you think the styrofoam is dickish just wait until they rip out those water bottle filling water fountains.

LionelHutzEsq February 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Of course the joke will be on us, as the Republicans will be able to keep warm by the mounds of burning Styrofoam, while the rest of us freeze in the coming apocalypse.

Weenus299 February 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Without it, how could we protect all of those slave-made laptop computers and iPhones and Droids and all from the rigors of shipment?

mrblifil February 28, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Smarter species to come? No way to know. What we do know, according to Gerald Edelman, is that the human mind developed a physical mutation of the brain that allowed consciousness to process the unfolding of time. This brain development is thought to be unique in nature. A lobster's brain lives purely within the present moment, much like that of the average Red State commenter.

Until the hominid brain became capable of this ability to be self-aware within time, all of existence was perceived along the lines of the "if a tree falls in the forest does anyone hear it" question.

Given the length of time and number of accidents that were required to create this awesome capability within humans, it's not likely anything will come along to replace it once the styrofoam kills us all. But it will have been a great run while it lasted.

mrblifil February 28, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Beanball March 1, 2011 at 12:05 am

Quantum-gravity microtubules, mrbil:
http://www.amazon.com/Emperors-New-Mind-Concernin

SheriffRoscoe February 28, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Tell him that, when it comes out the other end, it will probably be just the same as when it went in.

ttommyunger February 28, 2011 at 1:24 pm

But the Jerbs! Just think about all the Jerbless Styrofoam workers who will be given their valuable and well-paying Styrofoam-Making Jerbs back. Remember, the Republitards ran on creating Jerbs.

DemmeFatale February 28, 2011 at 4:35 pm

But, the dishwashers! Who will think of the DISHWASHERS!!??

(Maybe they can get jobs at the Styrofoam factory.)

ttommyunger February 28, 2011 at 11:22 pm

The horror!

undeterredbyreality February 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm

You know what else is going to last a half-a-millenium (x2, that is)…

mereoblivion February 28, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Boehner's defense of DOMA?

GOPCrusher February 28, 2011 at 2:53 pm

The deficit?

trampndirtdown February 28, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Certainly not boehner as Speaker.

freakishlywrong February 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Take heart, OneYield. Here in Floridumb, our felon of a Governor has defunded the coastal cleanup program

HurricaneAli February 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

And there is a fine line between making the right choice and looking like an asshole. Now, the Republicans already look like huge ass-wipes by doing this, but if some staffer with a shred of environmental conscience tried to bring their own gear and use it at the cafeteria they would be called out for being an effete snob. Also, too, you have to take into account how much of a hassle it would be for the cafeteria people to put up with people bringing their own plates and containers through the line.

Gah. I am now obsessed with the House cafeteria's set up. Please, do not tell me how this cafeteria is set up or it will trigger my eco-OCD.

undeterredbyreality February 28, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Gov. Walker's crosseyedness is just a physical manifestation of all rethuglican short-sightedness. The absolute Bizzaro thinking of all of these focking eejits simply blows my mind. Has karma taken a sabbatical, or just been laid off?

SmutBoffin February 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

A low density poly(ethylene) water bottle could not be reached for comment.

glasspusher February 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Excellent. poly(wannacracker)?

hagajim February 28, 2011 at 1:39 pm

What are we gonna do when these fucks destroy the planet before Jeebus is ready to rapture us? Anyone thought of that?

GOPCrusher February 28, 2011 at 2:54 pm

May 21st is just around the corner. No problems!

Tundra Grifter February 28, 2011 at 1:42 pm

It wasn't enough they had to bring back this plastic crap just to show the world they're back in charge.

They had to lie about it and claim the biodegradable forks didn't work. Well, here in Northern California we've had them for years and they are very strong and function quite well.

Of course, we know how to use them…

DaRooster March 1, 2011 at 2:28 pm

NOR-CAL… fuck yeah!

Ducksworthy February 28, 2011 at 1:44 pm

House GOP Caucus= A bunch of Koch Suckers

sportshort February 28, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Fuck the future! Live for now! And by the way, use DDT on the White House grounds and make sure the asbestos fireproofing is put BACK IN. Michele must now wear pantyhose as well. That about covers it. Oh, and start the reruns of "Leave It To Beaver" on every channel, every day, constantly. I don't know why they EVER canceled that show.

DaRooster March 1, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Have you seen Jerry Mathers lately?

SorosBot February 28, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Remember how George H.W. Bush promised to be "the environmental President"? Sure, it was mostly just lip service, but he did sign the amendments to the Clean Air Act that helped end the hole in the ozone layer and acid rain. It's sad that today's Republicans are so bad it makes me nostalgic for that guy.

fuflans February 28, 2011 at 2:05 pm

on the plus side: massey mine indictments today.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 28, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Of all the stupid things to do to reduce costs, if it does, this has got to be in the top ten.
There is no insulation from my hate.

prommie February 28, 2011 at 2:14 pm

The GOP's public policy is based entirely on childish resentment and petty hatefulness. They don't even care about this stuff, I am sure, its just "you commie tree-huggers gonna tell me I can't have styrofoam? Fuck you, we're gonna make it mandatory to put styrofoam in everything!"

OneYieldRegular February 28, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Alas, it wasn't my find, and in the end it went to a lucky law enforcement officer.

genxr February 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Dammit, cops never have to buy their own drugs!

DaRooster February 28, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Perhaps we could dump the Bros. Koch in a rotting watermelon on a toxic beach somewhere?

When I was doing my time (stupid kids) I was fortunate enough to get on the "Road Crew" (because it was better than sitting around). After one day of picking up trash along 5 miles of road I made a vow to take better care of my trash… people used to "drop" Js for us… that wasn't a bag of coke though.

OneDollarJuana February 28, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Are you allowed guns in the House yet, or are you still restricted to beating your opponents with canes?

chascates February 28, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Next we'll return to using CFCs and halon. We'll show the Earth who's boss!!!

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Personally, I can't wait for the impending return of cyclamates. Tasty!!

qwerty42 February 28, 2011 at 2:55 pm

The Freedom Agenda marches on!!!

Lost_Teabaggers February 28, 2011 at 3:01 pm

What can they say? Republicans are just a bunch of cocksuckers who ruin this planet just to spite those who care about saving it. Not to mention, they're gay for the KKKoch money as well. What I'd like to do is put a landfill on Rush Limbaugh's and the Koch brothers properties and fill it with shit like this. Watch, the justification will be some synthesis between "communists hate free markets" and the "terrorists win", or whatever Frank Luntz's fat, useless waste of protoplasm ass can come up with to dogwhistle dumb whitey that only minorities will be hurt by these products.

PublicLuxury February 28, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Well, now LISTEN. The fundie Jeebus dictated that ALL things in the world were put there by him for the fundies to use. Jeebus requires that Styrofoam plates and containers be used because the fundie Bible says so. So just shut up about it. Any good Jeebus fear x-tian would use the cups and plates and containers and like it.

glasspusher February 28, 2011 at 3:29 pm

All hail the mighty styrene oligomerarchy! Now I get to find out how many chemists there are on this site…

philpjfry February 28, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Did these assholes have any reason for going back to plastic that lilves forever, besides just being assholes. No. Apparently just being an asshole is a good enough reason. Fucking assholes.

glamourdammerung February 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Pelosi and Obama, you could easily end our long national torment.

Please come out with a brave stance against drinking bleach and let the conservative trait of placing pettiness over logic work for "WE THE PEOPLE".

XOhioan February 28, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Also, if you are dining near a Republican congresscritter, it is OK to rub a piece of dampened styrofoam between your fingers over and over, trying to get the squeak just right.

__kth__ February 28, 2011 at 5:15 pm

we are all bigots
so filled with hatred
we release our poisons

SanfordandSon11 February 28, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Some high class poetry right there,

lochnessmonster February 28, 2011 at 5:26 pm

What blows my mind is they legislate this crap.

mavenmaven February 28, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Bring back Asbestos!

mumbly_joe February 28, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Just be glad they didn't go with their first proposal, which was to make it out of subsidized tobacco, shredded union cards, and pulped puppets from PBS shows.

zhubajie March 1, 2011 at 7:22 am

Even the Chinese government banned styrofoam years ago. Been generally obeyed, too.

foothandman March 1, 2011 at 12:17 pm

It's actually a “return to the 1850s” program. We're just seeing the early phases.

donviti March 7, 2011 at 10:49 am

thanks for reminding me that despite both sides being in the bag for Corporations, there really is one side that is more idiotic than the rest

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