laughable

White House Press Secretary: It’s ‘Routine’ For White House To Meet With Lobbyists

Yesterday, a great way to start the new job:

The White House meets with all kinds of people all the time! It probably meets with David Koch impersonators! You can probably even walk in there with your dick hanging out and the president will still talk to you!

Hey, here’s a tip: maybe don’t meet with lobbyists? [YouTube]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Hola wonkerados.

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59 comments

    1. BarackMyWorld

      To be fair, Barry is only 1/100th as terrible as Bush.

      Sure, we're not happy with him right now, but he's going to do something again at some point Bush would never do, and we'll love him even more.

      1. Negropolis

        but he's going to do something again at some point Bush would never do

        What do you think that is? I think he'll drop in on an aircraft carrier with a flight suit and mission accomplished banner, with the difference being that our involvement in the wars will actually be over.

        A man can dream, can't he?

  1. Schmannnity

    When the "routine" was established by Bush and Cheney and Ken Lay, you might want to rethink the routine.

  2. SorosBot

    I don't think it's routine for the White House to meet with lobbyists, or anyone else, because as an inanimate object it is incapable of meeting, which involves interactions between living beings.

    1. Tommmcatt

      And it really depends a lot on what your definition of "meet" is, right? If the White House knew somebody already, could it really be said that they are "meeting" them? And don't get me started on the word "with".

    2. DustBowlBlues

      Goddamit. Isn't it enough that we have to put up with all these fucking English majors? Now we have a BS in Biology, too? No one associated with the wonkeratti is supposed to know shit about science or the maths.

    3. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      …as an inanimate object it is incapable of meeting…

      I dunno, after being the site of so much (stupid, stupid) history it could very well have developed its own guardian spirit. A Dumbass Loci, if you will.

      Besides, by the end of his term Reagan was practically an inanimate object, and he had tons of meetings.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        I can give but one fist for Dumbass Loci.

        It might be more accurate to say "tons of meetings happened in Reagan's vicinity".

  3. el_donaldo

    I thought Obama's schedule was pretty much filled up with Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, SIEU leaders, and George Soros. So unless those lobbyists have a action-ready plan to destroy capitalism, freedom, and Christianity in their hands, they're probably going to be cooling their heels.

    1. V572625694

      And drawing a sweet, sweet SES salary and benefits while doing it! Now they just have to get by on their pensions and unemployment.

  4. neiltheblaze

    Well, you gotta give 'em points for honesty. After all, lobbyists are their constituency. 'Cause we sure the fuck aren't.

  5. Snarke_Diem

    Oops – Jay forgot that he was reading from his Dana Perino cheat sheet. His assistant has been terminated.

  6. V572625694

    Aren't there child labor laws anymore? Couldn't they find a grownup to do this job? If they're going to use illegals, you'd think at least it'd be Mexicans, because they can touch up the shrubbery on the White House lawn between press gaggles.

  7. Extemporanus

    In Jay Carney's defense, "lobbyists" is the internal White House term for "Republican politicians".

  8. sati_demise

    It is only routine if the lobbyist wants to get a no bid contract for their corporate overlord to buy a power plant. Or a bunch of power plants.

  9. MinAgain

    It’s ‘Routine’ For White House To Meet With Lobbyists

    That's right. It's only the public ass-kissing and frequent sexual favors that are unusual.

  10. DustBowlBlues

    If they had existed in Shakespeare's England, they would have replaced the line about the lawyers.

  11. DustBowlBlues

    Please tell me at least some of them are from the AFl-CIO, AFT, AFSCME, SEIU, Teamster's (thugs' got no handy acronym) etc. OH, and IATSE. When I negotiated with the City of Seattle, IATSE never bothered showing up when the issue involved us non-artistic types. So that sign totally impressed me. Fucking IATSE? So where's the SAG and Actors Equity and, fuck, whatever the writers are called. The Guild? The other Guild? Same Guild? Fuck the Middle Ages.

    BTW-Editors: I sent money to the Wisconsin group you linked to. Thanks for the tip. Couldn't MIchelle at least send them some fresh-veggie trays? Gunny sacks full of fresh fruit? Something? Even TAs can't live on pizza alone.

    PS sent an email to the WH about supporting labor. Help me flood them with emails? Because I don't think a single message from OK is going to impress them much.

    1. vulpes82

      It's the Writer's Guild.

      ETA: Hey, who downfisted me! I was just answering DBB's question; I wasn't be a smart-ass or anything.

    2. vulpes82

      Upon your urging and request, I just sent my own messages (asking for a stronger support of the union protests and for calling for Gaddafi's resignation) to the WH. You're probably right that it won't do anything, but it did make me feel better, more civic or something.

    3. Jukesgrrl

      I called the White House public opinion line at 3 p.m. yesterday. Apparently they're only interested in hearing opinions from the east coast, because they were "closed for the day" already and there no way to leave a message.

  12. Cicada

    You guys know that there are lobbyists who lobby for good things, right? There are lobbyists for environmental groups, lobbyists for gay rights, lobbyists for labor, lobbyists for immigration reform, etc.

    Okay, okay, I'll shut up now.

  13. Snarke_Diem

    I think Jay's kinda cute. Would be happy to lobby him for some couch time, or to "serve" as his "intern" in a Lewinskyesque way . . . heh heh heh

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      Whoa. Give it a minute at least. I think you're falling victim to the "I'm Usually Staring At Robert Gibbs Right Now" effect.

      It's a medical condition, but it will wear off and you'll see this guy as the goofy, fuzzy headed, 15-year-old-in-a-blazer that he is.

  14. Hatrabbit

    Oh, those nice lobbyists, exercising their "collective bargaining rights".

    I'm so glad the President approves, he's been so silent on the matter lately.

    1. Negropolis

      I couldn't believe I found our who his wife was. She's this bubbly media-type, and he's like a high school nerd (I should know; I was one. Who am I kidding, I still am). Does not compute.

  15. BarackMyWorld

    I'm sure this visit is more ethical than posting an article about memorial wikipedia pages on a humor blog.

  16. bumfug

    When asked why Obama was so eager to betray his core principles to get Republican cooperation, Carney replied, "Hey, everybody knows they're all owned by the same guys."

  17. Negropolis

    This man is no Robert Gibbs, and that's not saying much since I hated his fucking guts, too (at times).

    I know the nature of the job (bullshit artist) isn't exactly the best kind of job by which to make friends, but Carney isn't a good choice. Gibbs was a likable enough geek; Carney has the personality of an ash tree.

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      I think they judge these guys on how willing they are to insult the "professional left".

      'Cause they clearly don't vet them for being able to field obvious questions about possible corruption. That was horrible. I've never seen any of these guys so flustered.

  18. Negropolis

    Is it routine to entertain your average American guest, like myself, Mr. Carney? Could I just call up for an appointment? No, not for the tour the place, but to bend your guys' ear for a second or two, or do I have to come with two sacks of money in each hand with big "$" signs on them like in the cartoons?

Comments are closed.