“Comrade, we do not care for this individual. He is threatening the breathtaking glory of our motherland. How shall we defeat him?” “Have we finished our work on the top-secret spinning photo technology?” “Yes, the Libyans supplied the resources.” “Then use it.” “But sir, the horror of—” “USE IT.” It would appear from North Korea’s YouTube account that they have acquired key video-transition weapons, and they are deploying ALL OF THEM. What’s Obama doing about this? Just sitting around waiting for photo-going-down-the-drain effect to be used on us? Well, their propaganda cartoons about children blowing up American ships with their geometry homework still look like they were made in the 1950s, so maybe it’s not time to worry. YET.
It’s Friday. None of us are doing anything important. Let’s all watch this cartoon of a child destroying the U.S. military with pencils while a chorus of children sing in exultation.
And if you’re interested in comedy, you’ll love the hilarious stylings of North Korea’s top comedy duo in this famous sketch, “Two Guys Cross a Bridge.”
[YouTube]
{ 88 comments }
Dear God, Astroboy has gone over to the Reds!
Big deal. I won't freak out unless they start building Veritech Jet Fighters than turn into robots.
Once again, Wonkette brings us the news the Lamestream media is afraid to cover!
~
It's even more hilarious after a gallon or so of makkoli.
Dear God, Steven Spielberg has gone over to the Reds!
It's true, then. Video really has killed the radio star.
Well, in this case, Video Toaster.
How 1992.
The North Koreans have perfected wipe-o-dong technology!
I didn't see a star wipe, so I believe the world is safe for democracy. For now.
The dude snorted the whole frame! Went right up his nose.
Other than the mass starvation, nuclear warmongering, weapons-proliferating, and the totalitarian dictatorship, North Korea is delightful!
We need our top experts to counter this. Get me the design firm that did the logo for Action News Team On Your Side at 10!
Why were they not stopped from getting this. Pakistan is the only Country in that area that could have given North Korea the technology to do this. The big question is if this happened on Obama's watch.
Of course it happened on Obama's watch – it's another sign of moral weakness.
Not surprising considering NK has to buy PS2s (yeah, I know the 3's been out for a while) and Xboxes (with their counterfeit US America currency aka Kim Bucks) so they can use the CPUs for their home brewed "high" tech weaponry.
Easy to look on these with contemptuous scorn, but dutiful North Korean workers aren't occupying their provincial capitols! And why not, you ask? No, not because their failed police state doesn't generate enough food to keep people alive. No, it is because North Korean labor unions have triumphed! The Koch brothers want to warn you that this workers' paradise of video-editing clichés is the future that awaits us if the rebellion in Madison is not supressed immediately!
Like the Japanese, the North Koreans are deeply weird.
Everyone in my prefecture thinks so.
I didn't realize you lived in Wackyama Prefecture, Doc.
I mean you and your prefecture no offense Doktor. It's all the MST3K I used to watch.
You get the bomb dropped on you, or end up in a state of perpetual non-war war for half a century, & see how you do.
What's the big deal? Car dealers and linoleum flooring warehouses have been using this technology in their TV ads for at least 6 years now.
DON'T RETREAT…RECURSIVE!
Did I mention the fact that you're execrable?
I'd heard some shitty rumors to that effect, but didn't know hoo-hoo had started them.
I had a dream, no, I mean nightmare that was somethinglike that.
http://wonkette.com/439350/north-korea-acquires-v...
Having inadvertently applied that very same transition far too many times myself, all I can say is…BWAHHHAHAHAHA!
It would be far more efficient to describe it as f("HA", 4); to determine the length of HA.
Me so solly, but me no speak Boorean.
Ha. Show 'em a little bit of those red blooded american spinning gifs and these commies will be signin' The Star Spangled Banner in no time.
John Bolton came out with a statement saying the North Koreans are only months away from acquiring the technology that produced The Last Starfighter. We should've listened to him when we had the chance, people!
All fear the Atari 2600!
Yet another reason not to trust lizard people disguised as old white men.
I blame you, Secretary of Defense Centauri!
I take it this means it is time to bomb Iran?
Part I liked best was when the one kid scolded the other for losing the wascally wabbit who was a know CIA spy Bugs Kimchi.
Somebody's gonna get an extra helping of boiled grass and bark tea tonight!
Needs moar GWAR!
I bet you didn't know that Kim Jong Il invented mincing, did you?
[Credit where it's due: Pirouetting was discovered by George Washington.]
At last, the great North Korean conspiracy to impale us all with their nefarious gigantic #2 pencil weapons is uncovered. Little do they know that we've got phalanxes of Ruby Eraser tipped anti-pencil missiles waiting and at the ready!
Bring it on, muthas.
The title to the third one should be 'North Korean Gilligan and Skipper Homoerotically Cross A Bridge'.
You know, whenyour work place blocks the youtubes, this post isn't much fun.
*sad*
That cartoon was OK, but it's no match for Worker and Parasite. You just can't touch the classics.
I love early Ren and Stimpy.
Tank needs more sharks.
While the cartoon is apparently a drawn-out lesson in teaching children to put protractor centers at the fulcrum of the pencil launchers to avoid miscalculating angle measurements, it is worth noting that the pencils have guidance systems on them, which eliminates the need for trajectory calculations in the first place.
/edited as I was nerdy enough to pick up the lesson on the first run through and thought it was unintentional
Maybe we can get a license for this thing and figure out what the fuck Sarah Palin is talking about most of the time.
You may not be doing anything important. I'm hanging out at Wonkette letting my morals degenerate and my sense of propriety get shot to hell.
If the Hangul (Korean characters) had used the "marching ants" effect, that would have garnered a 7/10 on the Crap-o-meter. As is, maybe a 5.5.
I want to know how North Korea acquired so much of our precious military-based stock footage.
WMD – Wipes of Mass Destruction
I learned so much! I learned that Korea invented polka music; that mouth-sounds for bullets in Korean are "Gwah! Gwah!" instead of "Pew! Pew! Pew!" and that Korea has flying cars.
Not much in these clips, as far as I can see.
Now, I'd start to worry if those rascals combined this early-generation videography with one of our American superthespians or ultracomedians. The capture and deployment of, say, Andy Dick, with the technology here would certainly yield mutually-assured something or other.
We should follow the lead of Herbert Hoover on this one, he knew how to deal with the pencil threat.
http://cdn3.iofferphoto.com/img/item/179/124/975/...
Nice to see the North Koreans have finally moved into the 20th Century.
Video 1: Now I know the US is falling behind. The Glorious Leader video editing machine is impossible to defeat. Wait til our heads snap during the big screen version.
Video 2: Guided missile pencils are so "yesterday," but I sure would like a set of them erection binoculars. Haven't had one like that for years. NK invented binocular Viagra?
Video 3: Doesn't the loving government know that those guys are practicing to escape from the people's republic of assholeistan?
Show's over. Back to work…
Are Your Base Are Belong To The Workers Collective For Glorious Benefit
After seeing that I can firmly say I can die now. That was the best thing I've ever seen and I once saw a tiger eat a shark.
In North Korea it is still the 1950's, part of North Dakota too, as well.
I didn't know there were rabbits in N. Korea. I figured they'd all been eaten by now.
Bring me my Hassenpfeffer!
I bet in N. Korea it also tastes like cooked carrots.
Is this in retaliation for Team America? Fuck yeah!
They probably just got a copy of Red Dawn and this is the Korean response.
WOLVERINES!!!!
The guy at the beginning is the human incarnation of the dramatic gopher. Need more of him, memestyle. Stat.
Protractors of Mass Destruction! Pencils of Doom!
Man, those North Koreans will be unstoppable once they discover the technology that we call "food".
I love Two Guys Cross a Bridge!! It's their best work since the 2007 masterpiece, Two Guys Watch a River. Some critics are even comparing it to the paradigm-shattering production of Two Guys; Just Two Guys.
환상적 !!
As long they don't acquire a cup, I'm fine with any of it.
Some would say it inspired the prize — if not election — winning campaign for president of former Alaska Senator Mike Gravel.
Interviewer: Are you disappointed that this comment has only received one upfist?
User of Owls: While I try not to be overly fixated on the pee-score, occasionally it ruffles my feathers that what I think is a snappy little comment seems so ill-appreciated.
Interviewer: Does this mean we'll be hearing less of you in the days to come?
User of Owls: My team and I will be assessing the situation and will respond in the manner we see as most appropriate.
Interviewer: Surely Team Owls will not abandon its trademark "Poopyhead" or "Palin Hookworm Conjecture" rights?
User of Owls: T
Well, it's definitely better than Two and a Half Men.
"Ooohhh…rearry gooood!"
I'm not interested. Let me know when they acquire Scanimate.
That's a hellava lot better animation than anything Hanna – Barbera has done or that awful 'anime' crap.
Steamboat Kimmie!
"Now, this North Korea, is it the good one or the bad one?"-Sarah Palin; looking at palm.
Let's remember our ethics. We can't be sure of this story until we send Riley to N Korea and get his picture taken with an arm around Lil Kim.
Owls, you're quietly developing another nice little theme here.
So that's how the Korean People's Navy sunk the ROKS Cheonan. Those guys are unstoppable
I guess that last one is the North Korean Cirque du Soleil.
They must have captured some Red Skelton reruns on their 1960-vintage internets machines. I laughed until the corners of my mouth turned up!
Well there is 8 minutes 34 seconds I won't ever get back again.
They must have captured some Red Skelton reruns on their 1960-vintage internets machines. I laughed until the corners of my mouth turned up!
"My opinion is formed," replied Ned Land, sharply. "They are rascals."
"Good! and from what country?"
"From the land of rogues!"
"My opinion is formed, they are rascals."
"Good! and from what country?"
"From the land of rogues!"
The Bloc Swan.
Why do the US boats have faces at all?
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