PSA  4:35 pm February 24, 2011

Boycott These Koch Industries Companies/Scott Walker Contributors

by Ken Layne

Here’s an easy way to “protest” with the people in Madison and elsewhere: Boycott the fuck out of all these companies. IF there is something made by one of these companies you cannot live without, you shouldn’t be thinking about protests, anyway. (Think about delicious anus-burgers harvested by ill-paid, ill-treated illegal migrant labor in the slaughterhouses of the Midwest.)

Good-bye to this shit:

Wisconsin Realtors
Koch Industries (obvs.)
Tavern League of Wisconsin
Brawny paper towels
Dixie cups
Georgia-Pacific lumber
Stainmaster carpet

Also quit buying gasoline and using natural gas; the Kochs own pipelines everywhere. Go solar and get a Nissan Volt, or better yet, don’t have a car at all and rent one (a Hybrid or EV) for road trips. Give a hoot.

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Hola wonkerados.

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beer4prez February 24, 2011 at 4:38 pm

my iphone! my american apparel unitard!

BarryOPotter February 25, 2011 at 8:14 am

Is that what's bulging out of your 1-tard?

q_tion_evrythng February 24, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Good, now I have 2 reasons to avoid WalMart. Recently, nearly got clipped by 2 adults joyriding in disability cart inside local WalMart. I kid you not, guy was speeding, with lady friend, perched on his lap, chatting on a cell phone.

Weenus299 February 24, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Those greeters need to get anus-y about the use of those carts. I've seen people younger than me with no visible impairments other than they've got asses bigger than my whole body. And I've got a big ol' body.

PresBeeblebrox February 24, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Yet they have no problem accosting you if you fail to show a receipt when you leave the store.

Weenus299 February 24, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Oh that's easy. Georgia Pacific fuckin' owns the south. Owns it. These people millions of acres of land, and they make just about everything imaginable:

straighteight February 24, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Yep. GP is the yellow pine behemoth.

DaRooster February 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

Yep, they raped and pillaged our neck of the woods… actually the woods!
No more natural salmon (all planted from Oregon)… no more sustainable logging jobs (at least for another 30 40 years)… laid waste to a decent economy locally (by taking too many trees and then closing the mill that was here for 100 years)… etc…

Corporations- the kids they poison may be your own!

Jerri February 24, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Keerist almighty, not the Tavern League! Fuck. That one hurts.

Guess I'll be cracking open my six-pack of Schlitz at home this weekend…in solidarity.

Barrelhse February 24, 2011 at 7:47 pm

I'm afraid your only choice will be Kingsbury Brew, although for an equally fun time you could impale yourself on a jagged, rusty piece of metal pipe and slowly bleed to death.

Jerri February 25, 2011 at 8:14 am

Oh dear god, no.

nounverb911 February 24, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Boycotts! Wow! Wonkette has become the official Koch blocker!

tribbzthesquidz February 24, 2011 at 9:07 pm

That's sad 'cause I was hungry for some Koch.

bagofmice February 25, 2011 at 8:55 am

Just wait until Kochtober!

Weenus299 February 24, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Does the Tavern League do any softball competition things with the Justice League?

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 24, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Justice Kagan wants to know!

Barrelhse February 24, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Or the Women's Christian Temperance League, perhaps?

wondering where i am February 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Isn't the Justice League full of superheroes? You know, wasn't this a comic book?

horsedreamer_1 February 24, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I'll still go to my local, but all other bars — you're out of luck.

Also: I'm kind of disappointed not to see Alterra Coffee on there. Sure, they front progressive, but, like Master P, those brothers (by blood; they're white) running it are making money, G. Ergo, natural Republicans.

edgydrifter February 24, 2011 at 4:48 pm

No prob. I stopped using Brawny when their mascot ditched his porn 'stache.
Viva Viva!

nounverb911 February 24, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Anyone know who makes the towels for Costco?

Ken Layne February 24, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Get a batch of microfiber washable towels and stop supporting any of these forestry fucks — GP tree pulp is in all that shit.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm

You sure that microfiber stuff ain't made by GP, or the same folks as makes Lycra? Just to be safe, only buy towels made in Pakistan. For America.

edgydrifter February 24, 2011 at 5:31 pm

I just wipe my ass on my dog now. Everyone has to make sacrifices for the cause, and this is his.

MissTaken February 24, 2011 at 6:26 pm

ShamWow that shit!

Monsieur_Grumpe February 24, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I haven't stepped into a Walmart in over 20 years. I stopped going when they were busted for selling stuffed labeled "Made in America" when it wasn't. Man, have times changed.

sati_demise February 24, 2011 at 5:49 pm

might be more than 20 for me, right after they blackmailed my town for 6 million bucks

not that Dewey February 26, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Yeah, at least they're not busted for that anymore.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 24, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Ah hell, I just bought Dixie Cups online through on my iphone app over AT&T while wearing Lycra infused pantaloons. I'm such a failure on so many levels.

GuyClinch February 24, 2011 at 4:56 pm

And no doubt you did all that while driving your gasoline-powered land yacht.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 24, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Hecks yeah! This is still America!!!

Serious note: T-mobile has great pre-paid price of $10 for 30 min a month and a really good light data plan for $30 a month. As I don't have any humans to talk to, that's all I need. I'm sure T-mobile is owned by a bunch of Nazis though, so pick your battles where you can.

DustBowlBlues February 24, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I just hope my favorite panties aren't made my lycra–is that a company or a fabric or what? I think fabric and I love the particular style of panties that Bali makes.

Crotch ride up, damn.

SmutBoffin February 24, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Also quit buying gasoline

Whenever I am out riding my bike, I will pretend that, with each pedal stroke, I am kicking an oligarch in the yarbles.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Me too. I've been riding dangerously fast, lately.

SwanSwanH February 24, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Not without your Lycra skin suit, you aren't.

Steverino247 February 24, 2011 at 7:03 pm

If they had any yarbles!

SorosBot February 24, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Hey, except for those paper towels and toilet paper, I've already been boycotting the Koch cocks and didn't even know it! And it feels good to know that the product of theirs I own right now I use to wipe my ass.

Barbara_i February 25, 2011 at 2:02 am

It's midnight, Happy Birthday!

bagofmice February 25, 2011 at 8:58 am

Here at wonkette, we wipe our ass with Koch.

BaldarTFlagass February 24, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Two Koch Brothers, one Dixie cup.

Gratuitous World February 24, 2011 at 4:55 pm

anyone who didn't think the Brawny logo was the idealized jag-meat of some repressed conservative suit-hack marketer now knows better. something something mad men.

DemmeFatale February 24, 2011 at 7:05 pm

I particularly like how we are supposed to buy that some creepy white-meat lumberjack is soulful enough to sing "Lean On Me."

karen February 24, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I say boycott everything. Proctor & Gamble owns everything else, those fuckers are criminals through and through.

Barbara_i February 24, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Oopsie, I am related to the Proctor family. Let's boycott them, yes. Fuck it, let's boycott my WHOLE family. My sister just wore me down and now she's coming for a visit on March 30th. I am now praying for the sweet release of death.

karen February 24, 2011 at 6:15 pm

I boycott my family on a regular basis. I have all the Fox News channels blocked on our TV, my sister tells my mom that I'm a radical lefty who tries to shut out other opinions. I told mom I just don't like racist lunatics on my pretty TV, she agreed.

Barbara_i February 24, 2011 at 11:25 pm

You can be my new family. I like your attitude.

DustBowlBlues February 24, 2011 at 10:10 pm

P&G is number one on animal rights boycott lists. I never buy their products and it's hard–you have to read the fine print on the label. They make, like 20 kinds of laundry soap alone.

karen February 24, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Yeah it is rough. They're in pretty much every sector. Shampoo, conditioner, shave gel, razors, laundry crap…I think they're even in pharmaceuticals somehow. Then of course there's Unilever…

It's just impossible to escape the criminal corporate elements in our world. I mean hell, I'm on a MacBook Pro right now. Some poor Chinese person probably slit their throat after building this damn machine. God, our world is depressing.

On a lighter note: I don't post much so my p-ness is average sized, but I know I had 93p for a few days, now I'm 92? Goddamn trolls.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 11:42 pm

a person I knew once once said "it's hard to buy anything that isn't tainted by the blood and sweat of human misery".

on the other hand, um… freedom!

plus, if we all just upfist each other, we will obtain world pees.

zhubajie February 25, 2011 at 9:11 am

Satanists, according to their competition!

BaldarTFlagass February 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Georgia-Pacific Lumber

Great, I just spent all my time off for the last month tearing down the old fucked up shed out back and was getting ready to head down to Home Depot to get the material to build a new one. Now I've got to go find a stand of timber to buy, and build a sawmill. Fuck my life.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Just buy one of those Chinese, slave-labor built, lead-arsenic-and-PCB-drenched pre-fab plastic sheds. For America.

BaldarTFlagass February 24, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of a metal building, but then I'll probably be exploiting, by proxy, some Peruvian Andean iron miner that gets paid a can of beans a day, and them fucking Kochs own the mine.

sati_demise February 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm

go to the salvage yard and get some proper materials.

karen February 24, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Better yet, come over to the Rust Belt, we have plenty of old steel mills with loot inside.

Or, find yourself some Amish folks. Around here they run a good lumber business.

BarackMyWorld February 24, 2011 at 5:11 pm

America is hooked on Koch.

Limeylizzie February 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Somewhere a Wonketteer is troubled as he finishes wanking and realises that he has made a mess on his Stainmaster carpet and is frightened to use the roll of Brawny, because of the wrath of Ken.

user-of-owls February 24, 2011 at 6:18 pm

You're back!! Wheee! I was scanning online to see if I could find any Nazi/French Resistance-themed cruises in the Baltics so as to account for your absence. Welcome home and remember: resist, resist…until it gets sexy!

Limeylizzie February 24, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Hey Owls! Just been busy, no fun Resistance cruises..quelle domage!

DemmeFatale February 24, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Brilliant! Nice to see you back!
And you almost said my fave Brit-word: wanker!
(I'm also partial to bollocks, naff, twee, whinge and knackered.)

Limeylizzie February 24, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Hi Darling DemmeFatale , Good to be back

undeterredbyreality February 25, 2011 at 12:35 am

I prefer the Irish: fockin eejit!

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 11:45 pm

I knew I should have covered my webcam! How else would you know?

lochnessmonster February 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I like most others are probably already doing this. I haven't entered a Wal-Mart in 10 years', never buy those scary paper towels with the creepy lumberjack, and have no desire to live in Wisconsin so I won't need a realtor there.

Gopherit February 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Wow. Wal-Mart and AT&T. These fuckers truly are the center of evil.

SayItWithWookies February 24, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Well I'll do what I can, since these evil fucks need to be stopped. Unfortunately I don't use most of that stuff anyway, and gasoline I keep to a minimum — but I'll get out there on Saturday and give the rich bastards some class warfare, and hopefully impart a modicum of bravery to my alleged representatives.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 24, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Ha, this is great: AT&T had an ad for refurbished phones in the upper-right corner. Way to stick it to the man, Ken! (yeah, yeah, I know, you can't control where the adds come from, yatta-yatta).

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 6:04 pm


Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 6:06 pm

thanks Ken. the brave souls who have been staying and sleeping in the Capitol building are not just protesting but also cleaning up after themselves and others.

this group has been accepting donations and delivering cleaning supplies etc.

Barrelhse February 24, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Sorry, I was giving you a thumbs up and clicked the wrong one. Fuck.
Thank you for the important post.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 11:47 pm

it wouldn't be the first time i've been struck by an errant fist. and i suspect it won't be the last. no worries. just, not the face.

DustBowlBlues February 24, 2011 at 10:14 pm

NID–I've been looking for you. You follow me, so I follow you now. Since we seem to have such fine chemistry, I thought maybe our fake ids could friend each other.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 25, 2011 at 9:44 am

hooray! thank you.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 6:22 pm
PresBeeblebrox February 24, 2011 at 6:26 pm

The fuck… that's a lot of (R)s.

MinAgain February 24, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Okay, so that's the reason I recently developed a contact allergy to Lycra. And I'm all for another reason not to shop at Wal-Mart.

Come here a minute February 24, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I'm ripping out my stainmaster carpets as I type!

DustBowlBlues February 24, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I don't know what my new carpet is. Living in the country, I have to use gasoline to make it to protests in OKC or Tulsa and can't afford a hybrid or electric car, so basically I'm a slave to Kock brothers.

DashboardBuddha February 24, 2011 at 6:43 pm

I have a problem. I notes the a Koch brother has been underwriting one of my favorite shows on PBS. This is a real dilemma for me.

DemmeFatale February 24, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I also noticed that before the WI thing. I really was hoping he was a different guy.
I thought they didn't "believe" in science.

emmelemm February 24, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Yeah, I saw that too in front of something on PBS the other day and I almost had a cognitive dissonance meltdown.

Beanball February 25, 2011 at 5:19 am

Think of it this way: Money donated to Frontline or Nova is money not donated to elect Satan to your local mayoralty.

ingloriousbytch February 24, 2011 at 6:52 pm

What if someone say…broke into their local Wal-Mart, piled the Brawny paper towels up in the middle of the store, doused them with gasoline (poured from a Dixie Cup) then set them on fire. Would that be alright?

undeadgoat February 24, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Well this whole nightmare has helped prompt my family to get the fuck off of AT&T, but speaking as twenty-one-year-old Wisconsin resident, I don't think it's possible for me to boycott the Tavern League properly. Or, like, at all.

SudsMcKenzie February 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Whoooaahh …, The Tavern League, …The unTaverned life is not worth living.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 11:48 pm

helloooo wisconsite! don't worry. we will just tip our waitresses double.

Barrelhse February 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm

OK, but just keep your hands off my Stainmaster Cum Rag.

legalize everything February 24, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Shit, so long Dixie cups. Though I suppose glassware would add a sexy/dangerous element to beer pong.

straighteight February 24, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Thank God good old Charmin is made by a company that once had nuts think their logo was a Satanic symbol and had abnormally high incidents of toxic shock syndrome with Rely tampons!

SorosBot February 24, 2011 at 9:29 pm

While the "Procter & Gamble are Satan-worshipers" thing is crazy, it's not some random conspiracy theory, but was a slander created by the heads of Amway (which is half a pyramid scheme, half-cult) to cut into their share of the cosmetics market.

That said, "Procter" still spells his own name wrong (it's ProctOr).

snoopyfan2010 February 24, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Hmmm….."it takes a nation of millions to hold us back". Not how Chuck meant it but somehow true.

Snarke_Diem February 24, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Phew. For a minute there, I was worried I'd have to boycott Verizon and return to The Phone Company From Hell – you know, AT&T.

DustBowlBlues February 24, 2011 at 10:19 pm

I had to look up Tavern League but it still doesn't mean much to me, except it's going to be really easy for a teetotaler in OK, which is what I am, to boycott it.

June_Cleaver2.0 February 24, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Oh for heaven's sake, and I already upped the channels of my AT&T U-verse account so I can see Keith in May on current tv. You know, there are some weird shows on current tv.

Dr_pangloss February 24, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Id dig in by eating the rich but they are as a group leathery and bitter.

undeterredbyreality February 25, 2011 at 12:34 am

Soak them in Koch oil overnight and they come out quite buttery.

undeterredbyreality February 25, 2011 at 12:31 am

That explains why their lines of communication suck. Can you heer me now?

Please tell me Verizon is liberal. I gots to have my dose o' phonin.

cheaphits February 25, 2011 at 3:26 am

Please bear in mind that the slightest dip in sales will be promptly noted and reported by their marketing peeps and have them wetting down their legs.

These people have no morals or social conscience – their brains are in their pocketbook and that's the place to put the rattlesnake. This will have an effect and it's something attainable. I'm on board…do what you can…no, make that the most you can.

If you believe that reasoned arguments will bring change, go to any right wing site, log in and go to the comments and state your case. Your opinions are a drop of water in the midst of a solar flare.

Demonstrations do scare them and the more and bigger the better, but do you have the guts to risk embarrassment, possible arrest and loss of employment and the very real possibility of injury and even death? It is a fine and courageous thing to walk like an Egyptian, but affairs must escalate beyond where they are now to draw the numbers necessary to effect real change, specially with the neutered media we are cursed with.

But changing brands of paper towel, cutting oil consumption and spreading the word to friends, both physical and pix-elated will place the rattlesnake in their pocketbook so that the next time they reach in to buy a politician they feel the fangs.

bumfug February 25, 2011 at 4:11 am

12 hours and 96 comments and nobody's mentioned that Nissan's electric car is a Leaf and Chevy makes the Volt?

karen February 25, 2011 at 8:40 am

I am a poor who sold her car to pay for an upper jaw mineralized bone graft to reconstruct the tooth socket so I can have an implant in the front of my mouth. I've given up looking at cars and knowing the differences all together.

not that Dewey February 26, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Leaf vs Volt — which name is stupider?

Beanball February 25, 2011 at 5:26 am

And nobody mentioned that I stopped driving a car over two years ago and never use paper products other than Brand X toilet tissue.

I have no rugs, I frequent no bars and Wal Mart hasn't seen me in over ten years.

Can I get a hug?

not that Dewey February 26, 2011 at 7:16 pm


My vehicles include:

-1988 Honda Elite 80 scooter, ~70mpg. I use 1 gallon/month in that, if I drive it every day, which I don't.
-inherited bicycle — I have a 0.7 mile commute, each way, takes about 3 minutes.
-1978 VW bus, which I use on those days when I need to drop my daughter off at school, which is a whole 1.5 miles out of my way. ~25mpg
-2007 Fusion, which my wife drives (when she picks up the daughter from school — she freelances from home), and gets about 30mpg. I really can't do much better than that.

Did I mention that we live in a small college town?

Ahmed_Cao February 25, 2011 at 8:44 am

I boycott anything owned by Warren Buffett. This list tells me where I need to go to buy things. Most wealthy are Democrats, and like Buffett, they use their influence to stomp the middle class. Democrats won't be wealthy until the middle class, mostly Republicans, are eliminated. Wake up people.

bureaucrap February 25, 2011 at 9:46 am

Clearly capitalism is the problem. Boycott anything made/ produced/ distributed/ sold/ maintained by a capitalist enterprise.

Uh oh.

not that Dewey February 26, 2011 at 7:19 pm

What you said, Mr. Kaczynski.

problemwithcaring February 25, 2011 at 9:56 am

Geogia Pacific used to be your run of the mill, environment killing corporate paper mill, but one that actually provided decent wages- union wages- to working folks in the south. It was rightly seen as a good employer by most. Then the Cock Brothers took over in 2005, re-privatized their public shares and started using that GP money to eradicate the EPA and unions.

Since 2005, Georgia Pacific has exercised some of the most insidious union busting tactics in its history.

KenLayIsAlive February 26, 2011 at 1:41 am

So these are the fucking idiots who make those tiny cups you use at the dentist then.

I'd like to claim to be boycotting the mini-cups, it is just that they have absolutely no legitimate use as far as I can tell anyway.

not that Dewey February 26, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Hear, hear (or, "no shit", if you prefer). I live in a college town of about 8,400. We have no Whole Foods, Lowe's, Loew's, Target, etc. It's actually quite difficult for one to spend money here (except on liquor). The nearest one of any of those franchises is a 1 1/2 hour drive. Boycotting is trivial.

pwbaker March 9, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Well, at least I now have a list of what to by and I can get it all at Walmart. Cool………..

emmelemm February 24, 2011 at 5:37 pm

While very little makes me laugh these days (death of sanity in Amurrica = "Nothing now can ever come to any good"), that made me laugh.

What sacrifices can MY dog make for the cause? Too bad he isn't sufficiently well-trained for me to pimp him out in some sort of advertising. Everybody earns!!

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 24, 2011 at 6:20 pm

every time I buy cottonelle I think 'soft as puppies'

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