According to Rolling Stone, a music periodical primarily concerned with the U.S. military, a lieutenant general serving in Afghanistan, William Caldwell, ordered a “psychological operations” team to target U.S. senators and other “VIPs” visiting Afghanistan who met with him to “leverage the delegation for more funds” and “give us more people.” Apparently some senators are not always in favor of more defense spending at war. Some you have to do research on and try to mess with their brains so they’ll do what you want. “What do I have to plant inside their heads?” Caldwell reportedly said, like some sad middle-aged man entering a Criss Angel chatroom for the first time. So did it work? Well, the Senate is continually throwing money at training Afghan troops, what Caldwell wanted. So yeah, the old men who are our senators are pretty easy targets. Even though it’s illegal for the U.S. Army to do this to its own citizens.
At a minimum, the use of the IO team against U.S. senators was a misue of vital resources designed to combat the enemy; it cost American taxpayers roughly $6 million to deploy Holmes and his team in Afghanistan for a year. But Caldwell seemed more eager to advance his own career than to defeat the Taliban. “We called it Operation Fourth Star,” says Holmes. “Caldwell seemed far more focused on the Americans and the funding stream than he was on the Afghans. We were there to teach and train the Afghans. But for the first four months it was all about the U.S. Later he even started talking about targeting the NATO populations.” At one point, according to Holmes, Caldwell wanted to break up the IO team and give each general on his staff their own personal spokesperson with psy-ops training.
Hey, everyone’s doing it! It’s okay. Even if this Lt. Colonel Michael Holmes underling didn’t like it.
But when Holmes brought his concerns to Col. Gregory Breazile, the spokesperson for the Afghan training mission run by Caldwell, the discussion ended in a screaming match. “It’s not illegal if I say it isn’t!” Holmes recalls Breazile shouting.
Try to guess what the Army did to Holmes. Just guess. That’s right! They investigated him on a bunch of pointless and/or false charges and was formally reprimanded. It’ll be sad when that’s what’ll be left blighting his otherwise perfect record of service when he finds himself dead in a ditch very soon.
Can’t we just make robot senators that are automatically programmed to hand money over to the Military-Industrial Complex? It would be much easier than trying to control John McCain’s dusty old brain. Albeit not that much easier. [Rolling Stone]
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Walnuts made them into The Men Who Stare at Old Goats.
I'm becoming more and more convinced that you are actually the alter-ego of all the editorial hive. With the relentlessness of a BrtBrt acolyte, you are nearly always first to comment. I suspect that on the last few occasions where the comments were briefly locked, you were taking a poop. Plus, you're terribly funny.
I hate you.
There is no trick to it. I survive on Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew. I don't poop either. Thanks for the compliment. I find you highly intelligent and very funny.
You just gave me a girl-boner, which is odd given that I'm a male Owl.
Well, thank you very much! That's the first time I laughed all day.
I love this site exactly the way it is. The people here are fantastic. Don't you wish there was an open thread somewhere we could go and just be goofballs on the weekends?
Or the Old Goats Who Stare at Men.
You left out the part where then chastises them (and their kids) for their lawn occupation.
Given most members of the senate are either morons or batshit crazy or both, this must have been the easiest and most successful psy-op in military history.
All it would take for Walnuts:
1) Offer Money and a blond who looks like Cindy
2) Tie Afghanistan in with Vietnam ("remind"him how Pashtuns worked at the Hanoi Hilton)
3) Say, "Your granpappy and pappy would have done that."
4) Profit!
Ha! I was thinking all they needed to give Walnuts was a warm glass of Metamucil and an Archie comic.
man, that's olde skool…masturbating to Betty and Veronica.
Archie's got a gay friend now and had his first interracial kiss, so I'm guessing Walnuts won't be needing the Metamucil.
I can see it now – a three way between "Kevin", Archie, and Jughead. Jeepers! Do they still say "jeepers", or is that hopelessly outre?
Look shiny thing! Picture of kitten! Give us more money. Please…please…I'll hold my breath till you do.
We need things that go bang. You can watch one go bang too and kill the brown people – it's so funny.
Plee-ee-ease!
Thanks.
Given all that, also the most unnecessary. Also.
You don't even have to convince most elderly white men of Republican persuasian in particular to appropriate more money for the military-industrial complex; it's like their basic setting. A more impressive task would have been to psyche them out by getting them to cut funding to it.
"So yeah, the old men who are our senators are pretty easy targets."
Bullshit, the only things that will have an effect on an Amerikan politician begin with an opinion poll and end with $.
Given the success rate the Psy-ops are having against our opponents, I see nothing to worry about here.
“It’s not illegal if I say it isn’t!”
Lesson number one from the Dick Cheney School of Truthiness.
"“It’s not illegal if I say it isn’t!”" Col. Richard Nixon?
Oh that'll teach me to read the comments all the way through. Again.
Hypnotizing those stupid old fuckers cost 6 million a year? Hell, for 2 million a year I'd just hit them on their soft old heads with a bat.
Saving 'Murica 4 million a year!
You could save another 2 million by just leaving them alone. They are already in a hypnotized, zombie stupor.
Guess that's why they broke, and you're so paid.
Yo, I gotta eat…
The other 4 million probably went for R&R trips to the brothels of Uzbekistan!
In the spirit of cheap labor, I'll do it for a hundred thousand and just draw a chalk line on the ground, like hypnotizing a chicken.
Army Lobbying Command, headquartered at the Pentagon. What's the big deal?
Yeah, old dudes, c'mon. War's fucking FUN!! Know who else can put a missile in a hajji toilet from a sub driven by a fat dude in Tampa? Nobody, that's who!
"But I did a good job (getting you to fund the war)"
-Hypnotist on the Simpsons-
WMD's WMD's WMD'S WMD'S WMD'S WMD'S WMD'S WMD'S WMD'S WMD'S WMD'S….. You are getting very sleepy….
David Copperfield can levitate!
Walnuts, why don't you go play some Solitaire?
Just make sure Cindy doesn't dress up as the Queen of Hearts.
The senator ain't the only fool who'll do anything for you.
(Also, too, the Queen of Diamonds…)
Yeah, that Viagra is strong. he sprained his gimpy wrist.
John McCain is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.
This WILL NOT work on cats.
Do psy-ops attacks make your cheeks look like cauliflower?
They wanted something nice to go with their Executive Branch, which was even more of a bargain.
What the hell is wrong with the American Military?
The way to get senators to do what you want is with hookers and cash.
It's not that hard to figure out.
The defense industry figured that out half a century ago.
And at their prices, hookers could save us a fortune. These military kids today, sheesh.
oh, and "What the Army did to Holmes" was some of the best porn in the 80's
I wish I could say the same of "Debbie Does D.C."
No one wants to see Tip O'Neill like that.
These psy-ops guys have a great future lined up on K Street, no doubt.
Maybe on C Street, too.
How about a psychological operation to get Americans to lose weight? That is a far larger danger than some impoverished mountain people.
But that could damage profits ar Cargill and Archer Daniels. Also, they want them to eat more,then they're too fat to get off the couch and complain when the republicans take away unions and health care.
Whats important here is that we can all take comfort in the fact that democracy is alive and well, and that our Nation has escaped the threat posed by that confluence of corporate and military interests that good old Ike was so worried about, the military-industrial complex. After those two terms that John Kennedy served, followed by two terms from Bobby, and the universal health coverage that started in 1972, and the conitnuous growth of our clean manufacturing industries ever since, well, I just feel lucky to live in such a prosperous and united country.
You live in Sweden, I take it?
So, it turns out Prommie is visiting from another, alternate Earth. Obviously he is going to take us back with him to this glorious dimension.
I just gotta say, conitnuous growth is the the best typo ever!
And: How do I get to your world?
As long as war is used for promotion in the military and as long as we continue to allow companies to make money at war and fail to prosecute war profiteers, this will continue.
Clearly, Johnny McCain has been under the influence of psy-ops ever since they forced Lou Sarah to be his Veep running mate in '08 . . .
is anyone else listening to npr's libya coverage from the middle of a firefight right now?
jesus.
Psy-Ops is the ancient art of secretly getting someone to do something that they would never normally do in a million years. Intense concentration and a will of steel are required to not fall prey to the tactics that Psy Ops professionals employ.
Hmmm, I guess I gotta run now to go clothes shopping with my Girlfriend.
"These aren't the drones you're looking for…"
to it you beat me, yes.
I know, right. It only takes 4 million dollars to build a Predator.
“Forget it, Colonel, your cheap Jedi mind tricks won’t work on me.
Oh wait, I'm a republican senator and you said you want money for a war. Well, why didn't you say that in the first place.”
Did they give McCain apricots and cigarettes? That was all it took the other time he betrayed the United Sates.
He’s much cheaper now. All he wants is a Werther’s Original.
The photo up there always looks like someone just gave him an enema.
And he's enjoying it.
Psy-Ops on a Manchurian Candidate scale is the only rational explanation for picking Palin as a running mate. That, or he's a senile old fuck.
There are some Psy-Ops today on dear Wonkette…the downfisting clowns are still getting out of the wittle car.
It seems I may have hurt his wittle feeling by mocking him so he brought some friends.
McCain, in that gif – "She blinded me with psy-ops"
Everyone concentrate on Bud Dwyer.
I always thought Mike Holmes was that nice Canadian building contractor on HGTV.
Canadians – you just can't trust 'em!
“What do I have to plant inside their heads?”
It's called Inception.
Isn't 'Psy' a precondition for 'Psy Ops'?
So, are these they guys that turned Lovely Lindsey Graham into teh ghey?
What in the hell is wrong with the news media in America…first its National Enquirer breaking the John Edwards babymaker and Tawd Palin whoremonger stories, now it's Rolling Stone following with the two fine military stories….do I need to start reading US Magazine for the next breaking real news? Fucking corporate media bullshit.
Well, I now get my investment advice from Wallpaper magazine . . .
Agreed. National Enquirer and Rolling Stone are the hard-hitting news organs of our day. *weeps softly into beer*
I've been getting most of my news from teh wonkette and Comedy Central for years now, already.
They thought about using blogs, wikis, and social networking tools to manipulate US opinion to support the wars…. but then decided not to do it, because it's illegal? I am *so* relieved that we can trust them, even if our elected officials can't.
These men should be given a medal. Without them, money would wastefully have been spent on rebuilding the infrastructure here in our own country, instead of building hospitals and roads, a new electrical grid, and paying bonuses to tribal warlords in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as making sure that the money pipeline that goes from Pakistan to numbered bank accounts in Switzerland never runs dry.
Isn't this what Romney, Sr., said after a visit to Viet Nam? That he'd been brainwashed?
And was roundly mocked for it in 1967, still a bit too early for honesty regarding the selling of Vietnam. Used to complain about Detroit making "gas guzzling dinosaurs", too. I suspect George Sr. might have been a tad brighter than Mitt, or at least less anxious that people like him.
It also destroyed his chances for the '68 GOP nomination. Too bad, because he would have been a much better President than Nixon, and if he had won the reasonable Eisenhower/Rockefeller/Romney Sr. wing of the Republican party might still be around, instead of the corrupt and crazed Nixon/Goldwater/Reagan wing taking full control.
"You are getting sleepy, Representative Boehner…"
"You are getting
sleepyweepy, Representative Boehner…"Fixed.
The bad part of this is that it only works on dumb asses that actually think it works.
Ie…Star Wars and Star Trek dorks.
So good luck with getting any secret information other than the going price of a 1979 Mattel Jawa action figure in it's original packaging. This kind of hot information will not win a war in Afghanistan.
Hey now, some of us Star Trek and Star Wars dorks have recognized that Afghanistan has been an unwinnable clusterfuck for quite some time. Sure, one of those Kirk-preferring morons with their "blast first, ask questions later" attitude would get fooled, but anyone who follows the more rational and diplomatic example of Picard (and really, the only other Captain who may be arguably better is Sisko; Janeway was also better than Kirk, he only beats Archer) would recognize the futility in sending more lower deck personnel to their deaths and just get out of there.
Touch'e.
I'm ok with Janeway. So you're ok with me.
McCain didn't notice because he's always feeling very, very sleepy…
Hell it worked before. Army psy op teams brought in Iraqis to cheer when the Saddam statue was torn down to make the scene appear authentic. The media fell for it and loved it.
Even though it’s illegal for the U.S. Army to do this to its own citizens.
Another leftist who wants to disarm Amerikkka. If the military isn't allowed to carry out illegal actions against its citizens and violate the rules of war then how will the keep us safe from the Muslim hordes. If we had a military more like…oh, Libya, for example, willing to engage in mass slaughter against protesting citizens then we could really be secure.
Besides, senators aren't real citizens–they have much better benefits.
So thats how Al Franken can map out the U.S. by memory.
Wow, they're good. Imagine what they would've been able to do had they been assigned to do their actual job of making Afghans like us–America might actually be popular!
I certainly hope a few journalists are calling McCain for comment.
The problem with the media in this country is they know damned well that a nipple slip of Lindsey Lohan in court will sell a million times better than actual news. In other words, slap the shit out of the next citizen you see reading US Magazine and keep doing that until they start reading the real news. We're doing this shit to ourselves. The real news is out there, but most of us could care less or are tired of reading about bad shit they can't fix.
That would require her to have a brain to begin with. No evidence of one so far
You will fund the droids we are looking for.
in other news, i hear matt and trey were again the target of terrorist threat.
do they have like their own department sized security detail?
Actually, I would have been even more bummed out to learn that the DoD didn't manipulate anyone important to ensure the success of Operation Teat-Suck.
I should add that I am unaware of one single dime they've spent in my entire lifetime that has actually made me safer — not one. A massive parasite devouring its host.
And then they created this thing called the "internet" (once ARPA-net) which was programmed to plant all sorts of time wasting ideas into our heads…
too bad too few senators had the balls to say, "You want the cash? You can't handle the cash!"
For our exhortation does not come from error or impurity or by way of deceit; but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men but God, who examines our hearts”
1 Thessalonians 2:3, 4
Persuade people, but don’t be a lying pack of cunts when you do it.
Those of you who are suggesting that Senator McCain should just wander off into the desert somewhere, and disappear, just go away, just, please, fucking be away from our sight, finally, once and for all, just please, please,for the love of God, go away…
to just exit the scene, to preserve maybe a scintilla of dignity, to keep us from looking at that fuckin' cheek anymore, to realize that your time is over, to start thinking about water aerobics classes, to think about your legacy, to, to, to…
Wait, where was I? Oh, yeah. We promise, you can trust us, we WILL complete the dang fence…
The North Vietnamese softened McCain up for the psy-ops guys. I bet after his name rank, and serial number, he sang like a bird.
Hey, you go to war with the Senators you have, not the ones you wished you had.
"We've got to figure out a way to get McCain and Lieberman to fund this war, because it is certainly not in their nature to do that already, without prompting, all on their own."
FAIL from the start, dummies!
Most disturbing about this is how deeply psychotic this three-star general must be to attempt by illegal means an objective he could easily win by perfectly legal means. It's not like it's hard to persuade our legislators to scare up money for Afghanistan — you don't need to lie to them or fuck with their heads. And yet this guy seems to have achieved high rank and is supported by a very loyal staff — who have no problem with lying to defend a man who is clearly suffering from paranoid delusions or is just plain pathological. But then our sacred institutions always get a pass when it comes to normal standards of human behavior.
Plain bailed on a college in Hawaii, because there were "too many Asians" She's going to India to speak. Wait until she sees how many non-whitey people are there.
Or Nixon.
If all these practices exist, why is it still so hard to get a blowjob for free?
Please tell me this some bad military comedy coming out this fall.
For as dark as I allow myself to get sometimes, I'm an eternal optimist at heart. But damn if last decade and the start of this one isn't putting pressure on that optimism like a motherfuck. If this isn't the beginning of the end, then I don't know what is. Honestly, how could anyone volunteer to go fight anywhere under the American flag, anymore?
I am still not able to get over the totally ridiculous (and offensive because it's so ridiculous) "Win the Future" bullshit. We haven't even gotten our arms totally around our own past, and losing ground at an astounding rate in the present, for us to even think about chasing the future. Maybe, just maybe, we're too far behind to win, anything, anymore…
So they brainwashed these guys?
I think they missed a spot.
Fail-ops.
Anybody who thinks they can do successful psy-ops on Al Franken has delusions of grandeur.
Get a room you two!
It's so outre, it's become inre again.
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