worse containers than fetus jars

Student Charged With Trying To Blow Up George W. Bush

A young college student from Saudi Arabia who studied chemical engineering in Texas purchased explosive chemicals over the Internet as part of a plan to hide bomb materials inside dolls and baby carriages to blow up dams, nuclear plants or the Dallas home of former President George W. Bush, the Justice Department said Thursday.

That must have seemed foolproof, because as we all know, George W. Bush loves playing with baby dolls and carriages.

By the way, bro, that’s not the president anymore. You’re a bit late. [AOL]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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    1. ChrisM2011

      Unfortunately, the botox has tightened her skin to the point that she is constantly clamping down on Dubya's dong like a bear trap.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      It seems like only yesterday that they were holding hands and kissing each other on the lips. I can't say that they made a cute couple, though.

      Still, love, like youth, can be fleeting.

  1. PublicLuxury

    He was arrested because he didn't get the job done. Maybe he'll have better luck next time and blow himself up. Dumb Ass.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    Let this be a message to the smart terrorists — our forces climbing the scale of stupidity, and have gone from homeless idiots to clueless chemical engineering students. The ones who actually represent a threat are next. Well, after the mouthy-but-harmless jackasses, people taking pictures of buildings and brown people playing paintball.

  3. Muslin_vs_Satin

    when do they release the details on his sleeper cell or terrorist network?
    cuz you know muslins cant possibly ever be deranged, lone wolf types.

    1. mereoblivion

      And Bobby Franklin will personally see to it that every one of those baby bombs is carried to term.

  4. edgydrifter

    Wouldn't a gentleman piling up truckloads of baby dolls at the base of a dam arouse some kind of suspicion, or is that common custom in Texas these days?

  5. jus_wonderin

    Well, the Dallas residence is probably lousy with oaks, azaleas and tulips. Though, if he made 'em look like a lawn worker, he'd have a hit.

  6. Redhead

    This guy sounds almost as bumbling and incompetent as Bush himself. (Probably speaks English a little better though.)

  7. Monsieur_Grumpe

    To be fair, he was studying in Texas where chemical engineering courses include:

    Silly Putty 101, 102 and 103
    Water-N-Oil mixin’ 102
    Bar B Q Sauce 303
    Homemade Volcano Lab (baking soda and vinegar not provided)

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Glad to see BBQ is given its proper due as an upper division/grad school course. You left out Date Rape Drug (a prerequisite in many Texas business programs).

    2. mereoblivion

      To be even fairer, when advised by his advisor (as advisees are so often advised) to take Intro To Playdough, Aldawsari said he couldn't waste his time with those dead Greek philosophers.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Hey, you might be on to something. I know when I had someone trying to track down a Gin Seng company (auto part maker) they got lots of porn, so maybe this was the reverse and he thought he was buying the TNT KABoom porn package for 39.95 a month.

  8. MinAgain

    I thought "studied chemical engineering in Texas" was code for "Daddy gave me a job in his oil bidness."

    1. SorosBot

      If it wasn't for the Texas Board of Education and their schoolbook depository, this country would likely be a much better place today than it is.

  9. zhubajie

    "By the way, bro, that’s not the president anymore. You’re a bit late."

    Oh, I dunno. He's as guilty as ever. I've been hoping some bounty hunter would pick him up.

  10. LibrulEleet

    Now one of the Bush girls will have to become president and invade Saudi Arabia "because they tried to kill my daddy."

  11. ttommyunger

    The FBI is conducting a vigorous internal investigation as to how this plot could have been hatched without their complicity and support. During a short press briefing, Director Mueller stated dourly, "These half-assed amateur terrorists shouldn't be out there on their own buying this shit and making these plots, somebody could get hurt!"

  12. sezme

    By the way, bro, that’s not the president anymore. You’re a bit late.
    Well sure, but you know… better late than never.

  13. rock_ette

    I hope this doesn't mean they'll cancel "Take Your Baby to a Nuclear Plant Day". My baby Skeesix just glows after every visit.

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