worse containers than fetus jars

Student Charged With Trying To Blow Up George W. Bush

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A young college student from Saudi Arabia who studied chemical engineering in Texas purchased explosive chemicals over the Internet as part of a plan to hide bomb materials inside dolls and baby carriages to blow up dams, nuclear plants or the Dallas home of former President George W. Bush, the Justice Department said Thursday.

That must have seemed foolproof, because as we all know, George W. Bush loves playing with baby dolls and carriages.

By the way, bro, that’s not the president anymore. You’re a bit late. [AOL]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barbara_i

    Sounds like this kid aint smart enough to blow up his inflatable doll date, Arrianna.

    • jus_wonderin

      Let's not jump to conclusions. It could just as well have been Ari.

    • JadedDissonance

      Wonder if we'll hear more about this than the MLK Parade Bomb. That bomber was smart.

  • nounverb911

    "Student Charged With Trying To Blow George W. Bush"
    Isn't that Laura's job?

    • ChrisM2011

      Unfortunately, the botox has tightened her skin to the point that she is constantly clamping down on Dubya's dong like a bear trap.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Not since Condi's been on the scene.

  • EdFlintstone

    Shit dude you didn't need to go to all that trouble, just send him 2 pretzels.

    • Redhead

      or a bike.

      • Jason_inthe_Peg

        Or a segway.

        • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

          I would basically pay ever future dollar I would ever earn to see the video of GWB going off a cliff on a segway.

  • V572625694

    He was just 11 years too late.

    Too soon?

    • DaRooster

      Chemical Engineering is a longer course than 2 weeks of Pilot School.

      • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

        A plan elegant in its simplicity.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Not too soon! Too late!!!!

  • SorosBot

    And the wingnuts get a Muslim-hating stiffy again.

    • zhubajie

      That may be the goal.

  • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

    This is some love triangle thing with Prince Bandar. Betcha he drove all the way from Florida in a pair of Depends.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It seems like only yesterday that they were holding hands and kissing each other on the lips. I can't say that they made a cute couple, though.

      Still, love, like youth, can be fleeting.

  • DaRooster

    "By the way, bro, that’s not the president anymore. You’re a bit late."

    So?

    • jim89048

      Yeah–right target, wrong time. You know, like Afghanistan.

  • PublicLuxury

    He was arrested because he didn't get the job done. Maybe he'll have better luck next time and blow himself up. Dumb Ass.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Let this be a message to the smart terrorists — our forces climbing the scale of stupidity, and have gone from homeless idiots to clueless chemical engineering students. The ones who actually represent a threat are next. Well, after the mouthy-but-harmless jackasses, people taking pictures of buildings and brown people playing paintball.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It could take a while.

  • Muslin_vs_Satin

    when do they release the details on his sleeper cell or terrorist network?
    cuz you know muslins cant possibly ever be deranged, lone wolf types.

    • bumfug

      Sleeper cell? Terrorist network? More likely an FBI unit.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        That was my first thought.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    And the "I only needed the picric acid to etch ferritic stainless" defense comes in 3, 2, 1…

  • Extemporanus

    Bush and Bandar sitting in a tree,
    K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
    First comes love,
    then comes marriage,
    then comes baby bombs in a golden carriage!

    • mereoblivion

      And Bobby Franklin will personally see to it that every one of those baby bombs is carried to term.

  • http://assistantatlas.blogspot.com/ assistantatlas

    That's so weird that a terrorist is from Saudi Arabia when all of the 9/11 hijackers and Osama bin Laden and every other terrorist ever were all from Iraq …

    • GOPCrusher

      Hey! Wait a minute…….

  • edgydrifter

    Wouldn't a gentleman piling up truckloads of baby dolls at the base of a dam arouse some kind of suspicion, or is that common custom in Texas these days?

    • jus_wonderin

      Soon, I will need a new monitor but for now…LOL!!

    • jim89048

      It's like a shrine!

      • Jason_inthe_Peg

        A shrine in Georgia?

      • GOPCrusher

        Was he on a little motorcycle and wearing a fez?

  • jus_wonderin

    Well, the Dallas residence is probably lousy with oaks, azaleas and tulips. Though, if he made 'em look like a lawn worker, he'd have a hit.

    • Gopherit

      maybe a bottle of jack or a pretzel then?

    • The Fiddler

      Perhaps a suicide lawn jockey will do the trick…

  • Redhead

    This guy sounds almost as bumbling and incompetent as Bush himself. (Probably speaks English a little better though.)

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    To be fair, he was studying in Texas where chemical engineering courses include:

    Silly Putty 101, 102 and 103
    Water-N-Oil mixin’ 102
    Bar B Q Sauce 303
    Homemade Volcano Lab (baking soda and vinegar not provided)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You forgot "meth lab"

    • BerkeleyBear

      Glad to see BBQ is given its proper due as an upper division/grad school course. You left out Date Rape Drug (a prerequisite in many Texas business programs).

    • mereoblivion

      To be even fairer, when advised by his advisor (as advisees are so often advised) to take Intro To Playdough, Aldawsari said he couldn't waste his time with those dead Greek philosophers.

      • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews/ cheaphits

        My compliments, lulz!

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    "…purchased explosive chemicals over the Internet."

    Whatever happened to just downloading porn?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Hey, you might be on to something. I know when I had someone trying to track down a Gin Seng company (auto part maker) they got lots of porn, so maybe this was the reverse and he thought he was buying the TNT KABoom porn package for 39.95 a month.

    • mereoblivion

      Who are you, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm? That stuff's way too innocent for today's modern world.

      • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

        No, not Rebecca. I played “Lou Sarah” neighbor from the next farm who comforted her after she caught her boyfriend in bed with the milk maids.

  • hagajim

    Prolly should have loaded a copy of "My Pet Goat" and sent it to him.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    "I'm not saying he should have done it, I'm just saying… I understand."

    • ttommyunger

      Me too. And that WAS one of his funniest bits, in a grim way.

  • MinAgain

    I thought "studied chemical engineering in Texas" was code for "Daddy gave me a job in his oil bidness."

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    Damned Texas State Board of Education. Everything's about the babies in their textbooks now.

    • SorosBot

      If it wasn't for the Texas Board of Education and their schoolbook depository, this country would likely be a much better place today than it is.

  • zhubajie

    "By the way, bro, that’s not the president anymore. You’re a bit late."

    Oh, I dunno. He's as guilty as ever. I've been hoping some bounty hunter would pick him up.

  • LibrulEleet

    Now one of the Bush girls will have to become president and invade Saudi Arabia "because they tried to kill my daddy."

  • ttommyunger

    The FBI is conducting a vigorous internal investigation as to how this plot could have been hatched without their complicity and support. During a short press briefing, Director Mueller stated dourly, "These half-assed amateur terrorists shouldn't be out there on their own buying this shit and making these plots, somebody could get hurt!"

  • sezme

    By the way, bro, that’s not the president anymore. You’re a bit late.
    Well sure, but you know… better late than never.

  • rock_ette

    I hope this doesn't mean they'll cancel "Take Your Baby to a Nuclear Plant Day". My baby Skeesix just glows after every visit.